Friday, December 30, 2016

2016 Week 17 Picks

NCAA Playoff Picks

(1) Alabama (-13.5) vs (4) Washington

(2) Clemson (+3.5) vs (3) Ohio St.

(and then it'll be Alabama (-whatever) vs Whomever #jinx #TrollTide)

2016 Picks: 69-57-2 (.547)

All Time: 816-581-32 (.582)

RIP Debbie Reynolds and Carrie Fisher
Week 17 Picks

New England Patriots (-9) @ Miami Dolphins

Baltimore Ravens (+1) @ Cincinnati Bengals

Tennessee Titans (-3) vs Houston Texans

Indianapolis Colts (-4.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Chicago Bears (+6.5) @ Minnesota Vikings

New York Jets (+3.5) vs Buffalo Bills

Philadelphia Eagles (-4.5) vs Dallas Cowboys

Pittsburgh Steelers (-6) vs Cleveland Browns

Carolina Panthers (+4.5) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Atlanta Falcons (-6.5) vs New Orleans Saints

Denver Broncos (-1) vs Oakland Raiders

Los Angeles Rams (+7) vs Arizona Cardinals

Kansas City Chiefs (-5.5) @ San Diego Chargers

Seattle Seahawks (-9.5) @ San Francisco 49ers

Washington Tedskins (-7.5) vs New York Giants

Detroit Lions (+3.5) vs Green Bay Packers

Last Week: 8-7-0

Overall: 123-92-10 (.569)


Friday, December 23, 2016

2016 Week 16 Picks

Tiger Woods. AKA Mac Daddy Santa...apparently.
Week 16 Picks

New England Patriots (-16.5) vs New York Jets

Buffalo Bills (-3.5) vs Miami Dolphins

Chicago Bears (+3.5) vs Washington Tedskins

Cleveland Browns (+6) vs San Diego Chargers

Green Bay Packers (-6.5) vs Minnesota Vikings

Carolina Panthers (+3) vs Atlanta Falcons

Tennessee Titans (-4.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Indianapolis Colts (+3.5) @ Oakland Raiders

San Francisco 49ers (+4.5) @ Los Angeles Rams

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3) @ New Orleans Saints

Seattle Seahawks (-7.5) vs Arizona Cardinals

Houston Texans (+1) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Baltimore Ravens (+6) @ Pittsburgh Steelers

Kansas City Chiefs (-3) vs Denver Broncos

Dallas Cowboys (-6.5) vs Detroit Lions

Last Week: 8-6-1

Overall: 115-85-10 (.571)

Happy holidays, my damies!

Friday, December 16, 2016

2016 Week 15 Picks

RIP Craig Sager (1951-2016)

Week 15 Picks

New England Patriots (-3) @ Denver Broncos

Miami Dolphins (-2.5) @ New York Jets

Buffalo Bills (-10) vs Cleveland Browns

Green Bay Packers (-4.5) @ Chicago Bears

Pittsburgh Steelers (-3) @ Cincinnati Bengals

Kansas City Chiefs (-4.5) vs Tennessee Titans

Minnesota Vikings (-4) vs Indianapolis Colts

New York Giants (-3.5) vs Detroit Lions

Baltimore Ravens (-5.5) vs Philadelphia Eagles

Houston Texans (-4.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Atlanta Falcons (-12.5) vs San Francisco 49ers

Arizona Cardinals (-2.5) vs New Orleans Saints

San Diego Chargers (+3) vs Oakland Raiders

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+7.5) @ Dallas Cowboys

Carolina Panthers (+7) @ Washington Tedskins

Last Week: 7-8-0

Overall: 107-79-9 (.572)

Friday, December 09, 2016

2016 Week 14 Picks

Week 14 Picks

Pittsburgh Steelers (-2.5) @ Buffalo Bills

Cleveland Browns (+6) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Detroit Lions (-7.5) vs Chicago Bears

Tennessee Titans (-1) vs Denver Broncos

Indianapolis Colts (-6) vs Houston Texans

Arizona Cardinals (-1) @ Miami Dolphins

Washington Tedskins (-1.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles

San Diego Chargers (+2.5) @ Carolina Panthers

Jacksonville Jaguars (+3.5) vs Minnoesta Vikings

San Francisco 49ers (-2.5) vs New York Jets

Seattle Seahawks (-2.5) @ Green Bay Packers

Atlanta Falcons (-5) @ Los Angeles Rams

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-1.5) vs New Orleans Saints

New York Giants (+3.5) vs Dallas Cowboys

Baltimore Ravens (+7.5) @ New England Patriots

Last Week: 8-6-0

Overall: 100-71-9 (.581)

Meh. So it appears as though I've missed out on a profitbale season (generally considered ~55%). No matter. I'm sure I'll be able to sneak back into the black come playoff time. So fear not, my damies. And enjoy your Winter Break! By which I mean that soon to be frostbitten flesh-farmer, up there...

2016 NCAA Picks: 69-57-2 (.547)

ALL TIME: 816-581-32 (.582)

Friday, December 02, 2016

2016 Week 13 Picks

Week 13 Picks

New England Patriots (-13) vs Los Angeles Rams

Kansas City Chiefs (+5) @ Atlanta Falcons

Chicago Bears (+1) vs San Francisco 49ers

Philadelphia Eagles (+1.5) @ Cincinnati Bengals

Green Bay Packers (-6) vs Houston Texans

Detroit Lions (+6) @ New Orleans Saints

Jacksonville Jaguars (+4.5) vs Denver Broncos

Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) vs Miami Dolphins

Oakland Raiders (-3) vs Buffalo Bills

Washington Tedskins (+1.5) @ Arizona Cardinals

New York Giants (+6) @ Pittsburgh Steelers

Tampa Bay Bucceneers (+3.5) @ San Diego Chargers

Carolina Panthers (+7) @ Seattle Seahawks

New York Jets (+1.5) vs Indianapolis Colts

Last Week: 9-4-3

Overall: 92-65-9 (.581)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(15) Florida (+24) vs (1) Alabama

(23) Virginia Tech (+10.5) vs (3) Clemson

(4) Washington (-7.5) vs (8) Colorado

(6) Wisconsin (-2.5) vs (7) Penn St.

(10) Oklahoma St. (+12) vs (9) Oklahoma

(16) West Virginia (-17) vs Baylor

Ohio (+18.5) vs (17) Western Michigan

(19) Navy (-3) vs Temple

Last Week: 7-3-0

Overall: 66-52-2 (.558)

Saturday, November 26, 2016

2016 Week 12 Picks

Week 12 Picks

New York Jets (+9) vs New England Patriots

Atlanta Falcons (-4) vs Arizona Cardinals

Buffalo Bills (-7.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Chicago Bears (+6) vs Tennessee Titans

Cleveland Browns (+7) vs New York Giants

Miami Dolphins (-7) vs San Francisco 49ers

New Orleans Saints (-7) vs Los Angeles Rams

San Deigo Chargers (-1) @ Houston Texans

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+6) vs Seattle Seahawks

Oakland Raiders (-3) vs Carolina Panthers

Denver Broncos (-3.5) vs Kanas City Chiefs

Green Bay Packers (+4.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Thanksgiving: 2-1-0

Overall: 85-62-6 (.575)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(1) Alabama (-17) vs (13) Auburn

(3) Michigan (+6.5) @ (2) Ohio St.

(5) Washington (-6) @ (23) Washington St.

Minnesota (+14.5) @ (6) Wisconsin

Michigan St. (+12.5) @ (7) Penn St.

(9) Colorado (-10) vs (22) Utah

(15) Florida (+7.5) @ (14) Florida St.

Iowa (+3) vs (16) Nebraska

(18) West Virginia (-6.5) @ Iowa St.

(25) Navy (-7) @ SMU

Last Week: 5-5-0

Overall: 59-49-2 (.545)


Thursday, November 24, 2016

2016 Thanksgiving Picks

Gobble gobble, my damies! And a happy and healthy Thanksgiving to you and yours. Now go eat some food...and watch some football...and avoid any and all commercials by setting The Simpsons' 600 episode marathon on FXX as your perma-'last channel'. Yep, that should do it. Oh, and don't bring up politics unless you're talking about how great it is that your state just (hopefully) legalized weed. In failing that, just yell 'make America great again' every time you leave a room. And then never return to that room...

Ted speed...

Thanksgiving Picks

Detroit Lions (-1) vs Minnesota Vikings

Washington Tedskins (+7) @ Dallas Cowboys

Indianapolis Colts (+9) vs Pittsburgh Steelers

Last Week: 8-5-0

Overall: 83-61-6 (.573)


Friday, November 18, 2016

2016 Week 11 Picks

Week 11 Picks

New England Patriots (-11) @ San Francisco 49ers

Buffalo Bills (+3) @ Cincinnati Bengals

Cleveland Browns (+8) vs Pittsburgh Steelers

Dallas Cowboys (-7) vs Baltimore Ravens

Detroit Lions (-6.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Tennessee Titans (+3) @ Indianapolis Colts

Kansas City Chiefs (-7.5) vs Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Minnesota Vikings (-2.5) vs Arizona Cardinals

New York Giants (-7) vs Chicago Bears

Miami Dolhpins (-1.5) @ Los Angeles Rams

Philadelphia Eagles (+6.5) @ Seattle Seahawks

Washington Tedskins (-2.5) vs Green Bay Packers

Oakland Raiders (-5.5) vs Houston Texans

Last Week: 8-5-0

Overall: 75-56-6 (.569)

Hey there White is the new Orange! (that's Cuse transfer, Andrew White III. Which is why that's clever) Glad hoops are back. And keep an eye out for my Top 25, which I'll be posting once we hit 2017.
NCAA Top 25 Picks

Michigan St. (+21.5) vs (2) Ohio St.

Indiana (+25) @ (3) Michigan

West Virginia (+3.5) vs (9) Oklahoma

(22) Washington St. (+6.5) @ (10) Colorado

(11) Oklahoma St. (+6.5) @ TCU

(12) Utah (-11.5) vs Oregon

UCLA (+13.5) vs (13) USC

(23) Florida (+14.5) @ (16) LSU

Syracuse (+21) vs (17) Florida St.

(18) Nebraska (-13) vs Maryland

Last Week: 4-6-0

Overall: 54-44-2 (.550)

Friday, November 11, 2016

2016 Week 10 Picks

"If the rule you followed brought you to this,
of what use was the rule?"

You should read this. And this. And then this.

Then, you should follow some of that advice by proactively changing the ways in which you consume news and use social media. And you should probably watch No Country For Old Men, too. Then you can get down with the SUPER woke meaning behind that quote I posted. I'm woke, man. Super woke. And you can get super woke, too. You'll just have to watch that movie. And read those articles. And then watch a few dozen documentaries. And then stop using the Facebook to make wicked BOLD and super profound statements to a group of people you've already determined agree with your way of thinking. Oh, and actually talking to a human person once in awhile might be a good idea, too...

Then, and only then, can you too be a self-righteous Ted. Just like me. Just try your best not to become too self-righteous. Like this guy. But feel free to grab his musket...

Now this!

Week 10 Picks

New England Patriots (-7.5) vs Seattle Seahawks

Tennessee Titans (+3) vs Green Bay Packers

Denver Broncos (+3) @ New Orleans Saints

New York Jets (-2) vs Los Angeles Rams

Philadelphia Eagles (+2) vs Atlanta Falcons

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3) vs Chicago Bears

Washington Tedskins (-2.5) vs Minnesota Vikings

Carolina Panthers (-3) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Houston Texans (+2.5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars

San Diego Chargers (-4) vs Miami Dolphins

San Francisco 49ers (+13.5) @ Arizona Cardinals

Pittsburgh Steelers (-2.5) vs Dallas Cowboys

New York Giants (+1) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Last Week: 6-5-1

Overall: 67-51-6 (.565)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(1) Alabama (-29) vs Mississippi St.

(4) Washington (-9) vs (20) USC

(8) Texas A&M (-7) vs Mississippi

(9) Auburn (-9.5) @ Georgia

Indiana (+7) vs (10) Penn St.

(11) Oklahoma (-16) vs Baylor

(12) Colorado (-15.5) @ Arizona

(14) Virginia Tech (-13.5) vs Georgia Tech

Texas (-2) vs (16) West Virginia

(19) Nebraska (-6) vs Minnesota

Last Week: 5-5-0

Overall: 50-38-2 (.567)


Friday, November 04, 2016

2016 Week 9 Picks

Week 9 Picks

Cleveland Browns (+7) vs Dallas Cowboys

Kansas City Chiefs (-7) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Miami Dolphins (-3.5) vs New York Jets

Detroit Lions (+6) @ Minnesota Vikings

New York Giants (-2.5) vs Philadelphia Eagles

Pittsburgh Steelers (+2.5) @ Baltimore Ravens

Carolina Panthers (-3) @ Los Angeles Rams

New Orleans Saints (-4) @ San Francisco 49ers

Green Bay Packers (-7) vs Indianapolis Colts

San Diego Chargers (-4) vs Tennessee Titans

Oakland Raiders (-1) vs Denver Broncos

Seattle Seahawks (-6.5) vs Buffalo Bills

Last Week: 8-4-0

Overall: 61-46-5 (.567)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(1) Alabama (-7.5) @ (13) LSU

(4) Texas A&M (-13) @ Mississippi St.

California (+17.5) vs (5) Washington

(10) Nebraska (+17) @ (6) Ohio St.

Arkansas (+4.5) vs (11) Florida

Northwestern (+7) vs (8) Wisconsin

(12) Penn St. (-7) vs Iowa

Duke (+11) vs (19) Virginia Tech

(21) North Carolina (-9.5) vs Georgia Tech

(22) Florida St. (-5.5) @ NC State

Last Week: 7-3-0

Overall: 45-33-2 (.575)


Friday, October 28, 2016

2016 Week 8 Picks

Week 8 Picks

New England Patriots (-6.5) @ Buffalo Bills

Washington Tedskins (+3) @ Cincinnati Bengals (London)

Cleveland Browns (+3.5) vs New York Jets

Kansas City Chiefs (-2.5) @ Indianapolis Colts

New Orleans Saints (+3) vs Seattle Seahawks

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+1) vs Oaklamd Raiders

Carolina Panthers (-2.5) vs Arizona Cardinals

Detroit Lions (+2.5) @ Houston Texans

San Diego Chargers (+5) @ Denver Broncos

Atlanta Falcons (-2.5) vs Green Bay Packers

Dallas Cowboys (-4) vs Philadelphia Eagles

Chicago Bears (+5.5) vs Minnesota Vikings

Last Week: 7-7-0

Overall: 53-42-5 (.555)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

Michigan St. (+23.5) vs (2) Michigan

(12) Florida St. (+4.5) vs (3) Clemson

(17) Utah (+10) vs (4) Washington

(11) Wisconsin (-8.5) vs (7) Nebraska

(8) Baylor (-3) @ Texas

Oklahoma St. (+4) vs (10) West Virginia

(14) Florida (-7.5) vs Georgia (Jacksonville)

(15) Auburn (-4.5) @ Mississippi

(18) Tennessee (-13.5) @ South Carolina

(22) Navy (+7.5) @ South Florida

Last Week: 4-5-1

Overall: 38-30-2 (.557)

Friday, October 21, 2016

2016 Week 7 Picks

Week 7 Picks

Pittsburgh Steelers (+7.5) vs New England Patriots

Los Angeles Rams (+2.5) vs New York Giants (London)

Cleveland Browns (+10.5) @ Cincinnati Bengals

Washington Tedskins (+1) @ Detroit Lions

Indianapolis Colts (+3) @ Tennessee Titans

Kansas City Chiefs (-5.5) vs New Orleans Saints

Miami Dolphins (+3) vs Buffalo Bills

New York Jets (-2.5) vs Baltimore Ravens

Minnesota Vikings (-3) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Oakland Raiders (+1) @ Jacksonville Jaguars

Atlanta Falcons (-5) vs San Diego Chargers

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-1) @ San Francisco 49ers

Arizona Cardinals (-1) vs Seattle Seahawks

Denver Broncos (-8.5) vs Houston Texans

Last Week: 6-6-2

Overall: 46-35-5 (.564)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(6) Texas A&M (+19) @ (1) Alabama

Penn St. (+19.5) vs (2) Ohio St.

Iowa (+4) vs (10) Wisconsin

(11) Houston (-21) @ SMU

(12) West Virginia (-6) vs TCU

(16) Oklahoma (-14) @ Texas Tech

(17) Arkansas (+10.5) @ (21) Auburn

(22) North Carolina (-8.5) @ Virginia

(24) Navy (+2.5) vs Memphis

(23) Mississippi (+8) @ (25) LSU

Last Week: 5-5-0

Overall: 34-25-1 (.575)

Friday, October 14, 2016

2016 Week 6 Picks

Week 6 Picks

New England Patriots (-8) vs Cincinnati Bengals

San Francisco 49ers (+9) @ Buffalo Bills

Chicago Bears (-1) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Los Angeles Rams (+3) @ Detroit Lions

Cleveland Browns (+7.5) @ Tennessee Titans

Pittsburgh Steelers (-7) @ Miami Dolphins

Carolina Panthers (-2.5) @ New Orleans Saints

New York Giants (-3) vs Baltimore Ravens

Washington Tedskins (+3) vs Philadelphia Eagles

Oakland Raiders (+2) vs Kansas City Chiefs

 Dallas Cowboys (+4.5) @ Green Bay Packers

Seattle Seahawks (-5.5) vs Atlanta Falcons

Indianapolis Colts (+3) @ Houston Texans

Arizona Cardinals (-7) vs New York Jets

Last Week: 6-5-2

Overall: 40-29-3 (.572)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(9) Tennessee (+13) vs (1) Alabama

(8) Wisconsin (+10.5) vs (2) Ohio St.

Indiana (+3.5) vs (10) Nebraska

(22) Arkansas (+10) vs (12) Mississippi

Wake Forest (+21) @ (14) Florida St.

North Carolina (+8.5) @ (16) Miami

(18) Florida (-13.5) vs Missouri

Texas Tech (+3) vs (20) West Virginia

(21) Utah (-6.5) @ Oregon St.

Akron (+12) vs (24) Western Michigan

Last Week: 5-4-1

Overall: 29-20-1 (.590)

PS - If you're not watching Atlanta, then you need to start watching Atlanta. It's unlike any show I've ever seen, and in all the right hilarious and thought provoking ways. And you should probably be watching Westworld, too. But I'm treading more lightly there, as it could easily devolve into typical sci-fi/fantasy shenanigans. Ya know, where they break their own rules, run out of legitimate plot ideas, and then just string us all along until the datings dip? Yeah, it feels as though Westworld may be constantly attempting to balance on that fine and potentially disastrous edge. But, so far so good! And the presence of Jeffrey Wright and Sir Anthony Hopkins is definitely helping the cause.


Friday, October 07, 2016

2016 Week 5 Picks

Week 5 Picks

Cleveland Browns (+10.5) vs New England Patriots

Philadelphia Eagles (-3) @ Detroit Lions

Indianapolis Colts (-4.5) vs Chicago Bears

Miami Dolphins (-3.5) vs Tennessee Titans

Minnesota Vikings (-6.5) vs Houston Texans

Pittsburgh Steelers (-7) vs New York Jets

Washington Tedskins (+3.5) @ Baltimore Ravens

Denver Broncos (-4.5) vs Atlanta Falcons

Dallas Cowboys (+2) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Oakland Raiders (-3) vs San Diego Chargers

Los Angeles Rams (-2) vs Buffalo Bills

Green Bay Packers (-7) vs New York Giants

Tampa Bay Buccaneers  (+6.5) @ Carolina Panthers

Last Week: 10-4-0

Overall: 34-24-1 (.585)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(16) Arkansas (+14) vs (1) Alabama

(3) Clemson (-17) @ Boston College

(5) Washington (-9) @ Oregon

(8) Texas A&M (-7) vs (9) Tennessee

(23) Florida St. (+3) @ (10) Miami

Washington St. (+7.5) @ (15) Stanford

(17) North Carolina (-1.5) vs (25) Virginia Tech

(20) Oklahoma (-10) vs Texas (Cotton Bowl)

(21) Colorado (+4.5) @ USC

Arizona (+9.5) @ (24) Utah

Last Week: 5-5-0

Overall: 24-16-0 (.600)


Friday, September 30, 2016

2016 Week 4 Picks

Week 4 Picks

New England Patriots (-5) vs Buffalo Bills

Jacksonville Jaguars (+2.5) vs Indianapolis Colts (London)

Carolina Panthers (-3) @ Atlanta Falcons

Chicago Bears (+3) vs Detroit Lions

Seattle Seahawks (-1) @ New York Jets

Washington Tedskins (-7.5) vs Cleveland Browns

Oakland Raiders (+4.5) @ Baltimore Ravens

Houston Texans (-4) vs Tennessee Titans

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3.5) vs Denver Broncos

Los Angeles Rams (+9.5) @ Arizona Cardinals

San Diego Chargers (-3.5) vs New Orleans Saints

Dallas Cowboys (-1) @ San Francisco 49ers

Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Minnesota Vikings (-4) vs New York Giants

Last Week: 8-6-1

Overall: 24-20-1 (.544)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(5) Clemson (+2) vs (3) Louisville

(8) Wisconsin (+11) @ (4) Michigan

(10) Washington (-3) vs (7) Stanford

(25) Georgia (+3.5) vs (11) Tennessee

(12) Florida St. (-11) vs North Carolina

Georgia Tech (+7) vs (14) Miami

California (-2) vs (18) Utah

(21) TCU (+3.5) vs Oklahoma

(22) Texas (+2.5) @ Oklahoma St.

(23) Florida (-10) @ Vanderbilt

Last Week: 5-5-0

Overall: 19-11-0 (.633)

Friday, September 23, 2016

2016 Week 3 Picks

Week 3 Picks

Arizona Cardinals (-3.5) @ Buffalo Bills

Cincinnati Bengals (-3) vs Denver Broncos

Green Bay Packers (-7) vs Detroit Lions

Oakland Raiders (+1.5) @ Tennessee Titans

Cleveland Browns (+9.5) @ Miami Dolphins

Washington Tedskins (+4.5) @ New York Giants

Carolina Panthers (-7) vs Minnesota Vikings

Jacksonville Jaguars (+2.5) vs Baltimore Ravens

San Francisco 49ers (+9.5) @ Seattle Seahawks

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-5.5) vs Los Angeles Rams

Indianapolis Colts (-2.5) vs San Diego Chargers

Kansas City Chiefs (-3) vs New York Jets

Philadelphia Eagles (+3.5) vs Pittsburgh Steelers

Dallas Cowboys (-7) vs Chicago Bears

New Orleans Saints (-2.5) vs Atlanta Falcons

Last Week: 8-7-0

2016 Season: 16-14-0 (.533)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(4) Michigan (-18.5) vs Penn St.

UCLA (+3) vs (7) Stanford

(8) Michigan St. (-5) vs (11) Wisconsin

Arizona (+11) vs (9) Washington

(10) Texas A&M (-5.5) vs (17) Arkansas

(12) Georgia (+6.5) @ (23) Mississippi

South Florida (+6) vs (13) Florida St.

Auburn (+3.5) vs (18) LSU

(19) Florida (+6.5) @ (14) Tennessee

(24) Utah (-3) vs USC

Last Week: 7-3-0

2016 Season: 14-6-0 (.700)

Friday, September 16, 2016

2016 Week 2 Picks

Week 2 Picks

New England Patriots (-6.5) vs Miami Dolphins

Cleveland Browns (+6.5) vs Baltimore Ravens

Detroit Lions (-6) vs Tennessee Titans

New York Giants (-4.5) vs New Orleans Saints

Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Dallas Cowboys (+2.5) @ Washington Tedskins

San Francisco 49ers (+13) vs Seattle Seahawks

Houston Texans (-2.5) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Seattle Seahawks (-3.5) @ Los Angeles Rams

Denver Broncos (-6) vs Indianapolis Colts

Oakland Raiders (-4.5) vs Atlanta Falcons

San Diego Chargers (-3) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Green Bay Packers (-2) @ Minnesota Vikings

Philadelphia Eagles (+3) @ Chicago Bears

Last Week: 8-7-0

ALL TIME: 1414-1024-83 (.577)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(1) Alabama (-11) @ (19) Mississippi

(10) Louisville (+2.5) vs (2) Florida St.

(3) Ohio St. (-1.5) @ (14) Oklahoma

(4) Michigan (-20.5) vs Colorado

(7) Stanford (-9) vs USC

California (+8) vs (11) Texas

Missouri (+7) vs (16) Georgia

Auburn (-3.5) vs (17) Texas A&M

(12) Michigan St. (+7.5) @ (18) Notre Dame

Nebraska (+2) vs (22) Oregon

Last Week: 7-3-0

ALL TIME: 754-527-30 (.587)


Friday, September 09, 2016

2016 Week 1 Picks

Welcome back, my damies! I've returned for yet another season of handicapping goodness, and I'm happy to see you've managed to meander back in my general digital direction. I'm taking the minimalist approach again, this season. Which basically means you won't have to scroll past too much whatnot in order to get to my picks...

But, as I'm sure you're already well aware, I have far too many hot takes to keep quiet for long. So I'm sure I'll have the flamethrower at the ready from time to time. And sooner much rather than later. And I'm always good for a tv and/or movie review or two (ie you should probably check out Atlanta). In fact, I've even updaTed the list I revealed around this time last year of my 100 Favorite Films! So, yeah. All that's on tap, too. So getcha p-corn ready....

But for now, I've just got my take on week 1. Which is basically me just going with my gut. A gut that's telling me that it's a good idea to fade the teams that everyone seems confident are going to win or lose. Like, say. Green Bay and Cleveland...

Actually, my gut is really telling me that you shouldn't be betting in week 1 at all. But I'm well aware that degens are gonna degen, so here I am to help you itch that monkey. After all, nobody likes an itchy monkey. Hence the popular aforementioned saying that definitely isn't a mixed metaphor that I'm desperately trying to force into common usage....

OK? OK. Now, without further dudes. Here are my week 1 picks! Good luck, pimps. And I'll catch you all the next time...

Week 1 Picks

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3) @ Atlanta Falcons

Minnesota Vikings (-1.5) @ Tennessee Titans

San Diego Chargers (+7) @ Kansas City Chiefs

Oakland Raiders (+1) @ New Orleans Saints

New York Jets (-2.5) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Cleveland Browns (+4) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Jacksonville Jaguars (+6) vs Green Bay Packers

Baltimore Ravens (-3) vs Buffalo Bills

Houston Texans (-6.5) vs Chicago Bears

Seattle Seahawks (-10.5) vs Miami Dolphins

Dallas Cowboys (pick) vs New York Giants

Indianapolis Colts (-4) vs Detroit Lions

Arizona Cardinals (-6) vs New England Patriots

Washington Tedskins (+3) vs Pittsburgh Steelers

San Francisco 49ers (+3) vs Los Angeles Rams

Last Season: 136-118-12 (.534)

ALL TIME: 1406-1017-83 (.577)

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(1) Alabama (-27) vs Western Kentucky

Troy (+36) @ (2) Clemson

(4) Ohio St. (-28.5) vs Tulsa

(5) Michigan (-35.5) vs UCF

Akron (+25.5) @ (10) Wisconsin

Syracuse (+14.5) vs (13) Louisville

(16) Iowa (-14.5) vs Iowa St.

(17) Tennessee (-11.5) vs Virginia Tech (Bristol, TN)

(18) Notre Dame (-28) vs Nevada

(24) Oregon (-24.5) vs Virginia

Last Season: 63-63-1 (.500)

ALL TIME: 747-524-30 (.586)


Friday, April 08, 2016

Narration & Vacation OR It Ain't Ova Til It's Nova...

OK, my damies. How's this for my last hot take before I hit my hiatus?:

I was not a fan of the 2016 NCAA Tournament.

Sure, that title game was must see TV. With arguably the most entertaining closing sequence in championship history. And yes, I was more than mildly entertained by the unexpecTed run of my beloved Syracuse Orange. But outside of those 2 things (and that Syracuse "run" was really only 2 games. Thanks to Dayton and Middle Tennessee opting to remain on their respective buses), this tournament was more or less a total dud...

Yeah, I'm sorry. But not nearly enough of this year's games were actually worth watching. GranTed, the bar was set mighty high. But no higher than usual. In fact, I'd argue that the bar was even lower this year, because nobody had any realistic expectations as to what might go down. You know, because one-and-done parity and no truly dominant/experienced teams etc?  Yeah, well because of all that, many were even predicting that we'd have even more close games than usual. But no. We got mostly blowouts. Or at least an increase in games that weren't what we've come to expect in terms of competitiveness...

And I'll even do you one better! That extremely entertaining championship game? Sure, those teams were very good. And both were totally worthy of cutting down the nets. But they're not legendary and/or particularly interesting teams. So it's kinda hard for them to have played in really all that legendary of a game...

Take the Syracuse title in '03, for instance. GranTed, I'll take some heat for making this comparison, and should probably use that epic Memphis/Kansas clash in '08 to prove my point. But walk with me. That Syracuse team had the country's best freshmen (player?), and improbably beat basically every team in that season's best won, oh by the way, in fantastically dramatical fashion by way of a last second block by Hakim Warrick, against a team that many had considered that season's best in the Collison/Hinrich led Kansas Jayhawks. That's my long-winded way of saying that, for better or worse, truly great games need to have some sort of worthy narrative leading up to them, and can't merely be defined by one singular moment. That Syracuse/Kansas game, along with many other title games past, had it. This game, did not...
conference (the BIG XII) on their way to the title game. A game they

So, yeah. That's my hot take. And yes, I know. I'm a hater. A hater who struggled to keep his favorite movie list under 100 and is constantly refining it. Yep. I'm a hater. And I'd rather be known as a hater than as someone who spends their life on the fence, getting splinters up their ass. Though Lord knows that would probably make me a LOT more popular on Facebook. Where the insecure illiterati reign supreme!...

I also like The Money Pit...

Now go out and enjoy your Springs and Summers, my damies. I'll be in and out intermittently. But mostly I'll be golfing, and passing my various judgements in relative silence. Then again, there's always Twitter...

Be good...


Friday, April 01, 2016

Orange You Glad???...

Well, my damies. The second weekend delivered. Thanks in large part to my beloved Syracuse Orange!..

GranTed, I'm still not 100% sure how they made it to the Final Four. OK, I am 100% sure. But that doesn't make it any less shady. And yes, they are serving as this year's embodiment of  how the tournament doesn't usually reward the nation's best. But screw all that. They're dancing on Marshall Street, baby! And that's all that really matters...

Oh, and I want to apologize for last when when I said nobody cared about your bracket. I totally care. And now that I care, I would like you to reply in kind and start caring about my virtual farm, my virtual mafia empire, and, if you could spare the time, the blog I write in which I devote a large chunk of my time to...wait for basketball and the NCAA tournament!!!...

Yep. That would be rule #1, my damies. Do unto others. Not to be confused with rule #4. Which we all know is to never get high on your own supply. So either sling that crack rock, or let me see your jump shot. Which is my incredibly caucasian way of reminding you to enjoy the actual basketball above everything else. Lest the NCAA Tournament just becomes another reason for you to block a childhood friend on the Facebook...

Enjoy the coronation, friends. And LET'S GO ORANGE!...

Be good...


Thursday, March 24, 2016

The Semi-Sweet Sixteen

Well, my damies. I promised you a reaction to the NCAA Tournament's opening weekend. So here it is:

That was the most mediocre, and least satisfying NCAA Tournament opening weekend that I can ever remember.

So, yeah. I haven't been a fan. At least relatively speaking. Sure, I've enjoyed my Syracuse Orange surprising (see: pissing off) the nation at large with their shady run. But even that hasn't been all that entertaining, as neither opponent even bothered to get off the bus. Combine that with the facts that A) I'm not from Northern Iowa, and B) I picked Michigan State to win it all, and forgive me if I don't exactly have a semi as we head into the regional semifinals...

Thankfully, we still have another weekend for which to make good. OR, in failing that, we still have another weekend with which to piss people off with another Syracuse win or two. Either way, we've got more basketball to watch. So it can't be all bad. Unless it is, in which case you'll hear from me again...

So enjoy the weekend, my damies! By which I mean the actual basketball on TV, and not precarious comings and goings of your various bracket pools. Once you filled that thing out, everyone stopped caring. Seriously. EVERYONE. The people pretending to care? Yeah, they don't. They're just unable to get a word in edgewise and/or spending the time that you're talking staring at their smartphone. Either way, they aren't really listening. So I advise you save your breath (and feel free to apply the same strategy when talking about your children, meals, and pets). Or at least wait for someone to ask. Which they won't, unless they're A) bored out of their respective trees OR B) quickly realizing there may be no other common ground...

Oh, and you should make sure you understand why that picture at the top of my post is fantastically appropriate. Because creative and timely Interweb art is the best, and that is some very creative and timely Interweb art. But I'll be damned if I'm gonna tell ya why. Mostly because you're bracket humping rat bastards. But mostly because I rather enjoy sending people down Interweb rabbit holes...

So hop on off, my damies. And enjoy yourself some weekend basketball. Oh, and it's Easter this weekend! Look at me, workin' in a timely rabbit pun without even realizing it! So, yeah. Enjoy that too! OR don't. I'm really more concerned with you enjoying the basketball. But if you can fit in the time to eat enough chocolate eggs and Peeps to give you diabetes, I'm certainly not going to hold it against you. Personally, I'm more looking forward to the 'Easter GBunny' memes should Syracuse beat Gonzaga (though I'd settle for a good 'Be Like Gmike'). But that's putting the cart before the rabbit. So I'll let Al Gore and associates handle that one, should the appropriate occasions hilariously present themselves..

But until then, I'm gone. Enjoy your weekend, friends. And I'll catch you next time...  


Wednesday, March 16, 2016

2016 NCAA Tournament Preview: V is For Value...

OK, friends. So I gave it a think, and I figured that this was the best way to go about preparing you for the all important filling out of your NCAA tourney pool brackets. It's simple, it's easy, and best of all, it's quick! So, without further dudes. Here's your primer:

Step 1: Go to, and check for value. Ken Pomeroy's (that's Ken up there grinning like a serial killer) "tempo-free" statistical breakdown is the most comprehensive thing going. And you can quickly find said value amongst his plethora of information by simply comparing his overall ranking and the team's seed in the big dance.

Example: Wichita St. is his 12th rated team, yet the tournament committee only saw fit to judge them as the 41st to 44th best squad.

So, yeah. That would be perceived as potential value. And it doesn't hurt my process that Wichita St. just won their play in game by 20 over KenPom's 29th ranked Vanderbilt Commodores. So, yeah. Sometimes things work. Now let's just hope that this tournament is one of those times...

And that's it! BOOM! Step 1, and step DONE! See? Nice and easy, just like I promised. Oh, and as I promised last week, here's my Final Four. See? I'm just one of those ultimate promise keepers. That, or I'm an attention seeking degnerati. But that's for you to judge. As are these:

SOUTH: Kansas
WEST: Oregon
EAST: North Carolina
MIDWEST: Michigan St.

I don't trust (KenPom's #1 rated) Kansas further than I could throw Villanova (KP's #5, whom I also don't usually trust come tourney time). But the Jayhawks will be the most popular pick as champion. Therefore, there really isn't any value in picking against (or 'fading') them. At least not until the Final Four. That's not always the strategy, mind you. But I think it's a good one to utilize this time around. Then again, I've had that squad donkey punch my brackets into oblivion more times than I'd like to admit. So there's always that, too...

And while Oregon is the worst KenPom rated team (#9) to ever be granted a #1 seed by the selection committee in the 15 years of his ratings, they've got 2 things going for them which I really like. Besides the already beneficial facts that they're one of the hotter teams in the country, that they're well equipped (see: depth and versatility) for an extended run, and that they're largely unknown due to the fact that they play when most of the "experts" (see: east coasters) are already asleep (see: cruising PornHub). And those things are:

1. The only other KenPom Top 10 team in the West is #8 Oklahoma


2. #3 seeded Texas A&M (#17 in KenPom) is likely to be a very trendy pick, after nearly beating Kentucky in the SEC final. Meaning Oregon could be the 3rd most popular pick from the region, despite being it's #1 seed.

Now it's not that there's anything wrong with either Oklahoma or A&M. They're both very capable of making deep runs. But it's not as if Oregon, who probably shouldn't have been given a #1 seed, is in a particularly stacked region, either. Hell, there's just a lot of value there, OK?! For like the half-a-dozen reasons I just listed. And there are few things that excite me more than finding value spots in games of chance, and rooting for a team with an arsenal of dangerously colorful uniforms...

So sign me up, Teds! Because it's time to FORM THE V!!!! Or maybe it's "knucklepuck time"? I often have trouble differentiating between the two. Either way. Oregon. They could be a in a good spot to help you rake in that sweet, sweet casheesh. OR they could lose to St. Joe's in Rd 2, and completely bust your bracket. In which case you'll blame me on your private social media account, and I won't ever see it. So, yeah. Either way...

And there you have it. I gave you a method, threw in some of my own prophetic thoughts, and even managed make an appropriate reference that helped legitimize the title of my post. All in all, I'd say that this has been a pretty successful venture. Something you'll hopefully be able to say when all of the dust has settled, and you're left with nothing but positive memories and a fist full of cash...

So good luck, my damies. And I'll catch you next week. When we'll analyze the fallout, and curse the day on which Ken Pomeroy was born. Probably...

Enjoy the games, Teds. And be good...


Friday, March 11, 2016

College Hoops Top 25 (3/11)

Well here it is, my damies. The most meaningless Top 25 of the year. Which is to say that you're going to humor me, and give my other Top 25's some of that proverbial clearwater revival. Either way, there's a higher likelihood than usual that you're viewing this while a game is going on that could radically change my opinion. So, Willis. That's what I'm talking about. But here's my current take, anyway! And make sure to check back on Wednesday for my thoughts on the field of 64. I might even give you my Final Four, this year! Yep. Feelin' frisky. So you'll have that, which should be nice...

But in the meantime, you have this. Which is important, too. Mostly because history has shown me that my penultimate predictions tend to be better than my final thoughts. But that's for you to decide, Teds. I just turn the faucet. It's up to you to provide the necessary filtration. So getcha Brita ready, friends. And get ready for some of that good ole fashion thirst quenching fun. Enjoy...

College Hoops Top 25
1. Michigan St. (26-5) 1

2. Virginia (25-6) 6

3. Kansas (28-4) 2

4. Villanova (28-4) 4

5. Xavier (27-4) 3

6. Indiana (25-6) 9

7. Oklahoma (25-6) 5

8. North Carolina (26-6) 8

9. West Virginia (25-7) 15

10. Kentucky (23-8) 12

11. Utah (25-7) 10

12. Arizona (25-7) 13

13. Purdue (24-7) 19

14. Miami (25-6) 7

15. Oregon (26-6) 21

16. Texas A&M (24-7) 22

17. Seton Hall (23-8) 25

18. Maryland (24-7) 11

19. Dayton (24-6) 24

20. Gonzaga (26-7) NR

21. Providence (23-9) NR

22. Wichita St. (24-8) 16

23. Baylor (22-10) 20

24. Duke (23-10) 18

25. St. Joe's (24-7) 23

just missed: St. Bonaventure; St. Mary's; Texas; Cal; Iowa St.; Wisconsin

dropped: (14) Louisville; (17) St. Mary's


Friday, March 04, 2016

College Hoops Top 25 (3/4): Ex Marchina...

Well, my damies. Conference championship tournaments have begun, and The Big Dance is nearly upon us. And those facts, in combination with the fact that I finally saw Ex Machina this week (that Oscar Isaac fanboy card isn't gonna earn itself), is why you've been blessed with that fantastic gif up there. One which features Oscar Isaac getting his groove on during a particularly memorable scene from said film, all while sporting a gloriously menacing beard reminiscent of a pre-Gitmo Khalid Sheikh Mohammed...

Because college basketball is great. The NCAA Tournament is great. Ex Machina is great. And probably most importantly of all, Oscar Isaac is great. So you should celebrate all of their collective greatness, by taking this weekend to watch both the copious amounts of the pivotal college basketball contests that will be on, and of course, by watching Ex Machina (Amazon is your best bet). Seriously, though. Oscar Isaac is a once in a generation acting talent (see: Inside Llewyn Davis. No, seriously. See it!)), and you all need to act accordingly, and get on board. So, yeah. Ex Machina...

Now, here's my Top 25...

College Hoops Top 25
1. Michigan St. (25-5) 1

2. Kansas (26-4) 3

3. Xavier (25-4) 2

4. Villanova (26-4) 5

5. Oklahoma (23-6) 4

6. Virginia (23-6) 10

7. Miami (24-5) 12

8. North Carolina (24-6) 7

9. Indiana (24-6) 14

10. Utah (23-7) 17

11. Maryland (24-6) 6

12. Kentucky (22-8) 9

13. Arizona (23-7) 13

14. Louisville (23-7) 11

15. West Virginia (23-7) 21

16. Wichita St. (23-7) 19

17. St. Mary's (25-4) 24

18. Duke (22-8) 8

19. Purdue (23-7) 22

20. Baylor (21-9) 18

21. Oregon (24-6) 25

22. Texas A&M (23-7) NR

23. St. Joe's (24-6) 15

24. Dayton (23-6) 16

25. Seton Hall (21-8) NR

just missed: Notre Dame; Texas; Providence; California; Iowa; Iowa St.; VCU

dropped: (20) Notre Dame; (23) Iowa

What To Watch
Ohio St. @ Michigan St.
West Virginia @ Baylor
Iowa St. @ Kansas
UNC @ Duke
Iowa @ Michigan
Louisville @ Virginia

Maryland @ Indiana
Wisconsin @ Purdue