Friday, October 30, 2015

Week 8 Picks: Over 'N Out, I Guess...

Well, my damies. I've got another abbreviated post for ya. And golf's not to blame for this one. Work is. Well, it was the reason. But then this happened, and that happened, and then general apathy and convenience ultimately won out. But I've still got that delicious pick-y goodness that you crave. Along with a reminder that you should be watching the new season of Fargo. Because it's good TV. And good TV is meant to be watched...

I know you're not watching, because ratings and lack of chatter. Which means you're missing out on (among many other things) a top notch supporting performance by Bokeem Woodbine (above). A dramatic turn that would even make Mike Ehrmantraut blush. Ya know, if Mike Ehrmantraut deigned to ever show any emotion. Which he wouldn't do unless there were a boxcutter involved. Because he's a boss. Ehrmantraut doesn't have a fake band, though. And Woodbine's Mike Milligan is already singing lead for prog rock up-and-comers "Mike Milligan & The Kitchen Brothers". So he's got that goin' for him, which is great. I even hear that they're scheduled to tour the sub-continent with The Blue Jean Committee. But that's just a rumor at best, and a poor tangent at worst...

But yeah, you should be watching Fargo. You really should. Like, take a break from tracking Lamar Odom's bowels (by which I mean "in-laws") for an hour or so, and watch a bunch of talented people tell a unique and interesting story. Okay then? Okay then...

Now, here are the picks. Starting with MinnesOHta and Kansas City. Ya know. Because Fargo...

Week 8 Picks
Kansas City Chiefs (-5) vs Detroit Lions

Minnesota Vikings (pick) @ Chicago Bears

Cleveland Browns (+5.5) vs Arizona Cardinals

St. Louis Rams (-7.5) vs San Francisco 49ers

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+7) @ Atlanta Falcons

New York Giants (+3.5) @ New Orleans Saints

Pittsburgh Steelers (+1.5) vs Cincinnati Bengals

San Diego Chargers (+3) @ Baltimore Ravens

Oakland Raiders (+1.5) vs New York Jets

Seattle Seahawks (-6) @ Dallas Cowboys

Green Bay Packers (-2.5) @ Denver Broncos + UNDER 46

Carolina Panthers (-6) vs Indianapolis Colts + UNDER 48

Last Week: 9-5-0

Overall: 54-47-3 (.534)

Could have gone with the sexy Halloween theme, here. Pretty sure I've done that in the past, and Lord knows it's a proven winner. But I decided instead to stick with the Fargo theme. Which means you get a naughty gopher (though I hear she went to high school in White Bear Lake. Go Bears!) and a petite blonde in a Steve Buscemi dress. That's when you know that you've finally made it, folks. When your creepy face is on a dress, and your eyes are lined up perfectly with the boobs. Imagine Christina Hendricks in that thing? Because that's what I'm doin' right now. You've got a funny lookin' fella on your whatnots there, dontcha know...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(3) Clemson (-10) @ NC State

(8) Stanford (-12) vs Washington St.

(21) Temple (+9.5) vs (9) Notre Dame

(11) Florida (-2.5) vs Georgia

(12) Oklahoma St. (-3) @ Texas Tech

(13) Utah (-23.5) vs Oregon St.

Minnesota (+14) vs (15) Michigan

(16) Memphis (-30) vs Tulane

(17) Florida St. (-20.5) vs Syracuse

(18) Houston (-11) vs Vanderbilt

Auburn (+8.5) vs (19) Mississippi

Last Week: 4-6-0

Overall: 38-37-1 (.507)


Friday, October 23, 2015

Week 7 Picks: El Fuego de Dumpster...

Greetings, fellow degenerates. It's that time again. That time where I make my picks, and you use my pseudo-knowledge to pad your wallets, and gain supremacy over your Teddish cohorts. And you'll probably want to beat your friends this week more than most, considering that Sunday's slate doesn't seem particularly entertaining. Which is my way of saying that outside of Pats/Jets and Cowboys/Giants, this weekend's match ups are more akin to one of those flaming trash receptacles that you keep hearing so much about (fingers crossed that I just guaranteed a week of close and exciting games). But that's not gonna deter me, and it shouldn't deter you. And I know it won't. Because, ya know. Degeneracy....

So take a gander, my damies. And good luck...

Friday, October 16, 2015

Week 6 Picks: Hail, Sports!...

Sports are great, aren't they? Ya know, minus the scandals and the cheating. OK, so those can be great, too. But you get my point. And it's moments like Jose Bautista's home run and bat flip up there (and the batshit crazy 7th inning that built up to it) that should remind us of that. That sports are great. And, perhaps even more importantly. That sports should be fun! Just like movies! Which is why, even though I'm ditching you fine folks again for another last grasp at golf, I'm leaving you with the trailer for the new Coen Brothers film (Hail, Caesar!) in addition to that joyus GIF of Bautista and (of course) my prodigious picks. Oh, and I've even got an extra college coed for ya since the Google Image search for Florida coeds (no so shockingly) yielded a bevy of quality results...

So, yeah. That's my penance for dipping out on you fine folks. And I've paid it. Now go watch this trailer, get your betting affairs in order, and go out there and have some fun this weekend.!

Week 6 Picks
New England Patriots (-7.5) @ Indianapolis Colts

Minnesota Vikings (-4) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Cincinnati Bengals (-4) @ Buffalo Bills

Pittsburgh Steelers (+3) vs Arizona Cardinals

Denver Broncos (-4) @ Cleveland Browns

Tennessee Titans (-2.5) vs Miami Dolphins

Chicago Bears (+3) @ Detroit Lions

New York Jets (-6) vs Washington Tedskins

Jacksonville Jaguars (+1.5) vs Houston Texans

Carolina Panthers (+6.5) @ Seattle Seahawks

Green Bay Packers (-10) vs San Diego Chargers

San Francisco 49ers (+2.5) vs Baltimore Ravens

New York Giants (+5.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Last Week: 10-4-0

Overall: 39-36-2 (.520)

NCAA Top 25 Picks
Penn St. (+17) @ (1) Ohio St.

(2) Baylor (-21) vs West Virginia

(3) TCU (-20.5) @ Iowa St.

(4) Utah (-6.5) vs Arizona St.

(8) Florida (+9.5) @ (6) LSU

(12) Michigan (-7) vs (7) Michigan St.

(9) Texas A&M (+4.5) vs (10) Alabama

(11) Florida St. (-6.5) vs Louisville

Memphis (+10.5) vs (13) Mississippi

USC (+6.5) @ (14) Notre Dame

(20) Northwestern (+2.5) vs (17) Iowa

Kansas St. (+4.5) vs (19) Oklahoma

Tulane (+19.5) vs (24) Houston

Last Week: 8-6-1

Overall: 28-24-1 (.538)

Good luck, Teds. And I'll catch you next week...

Be good...


Friday, October 09, 2015

Week 5 Picks: Give 'Em The Bird...

Well, friends. I'm skipping out on ya again to play golf. Ya know, squeezing the last ounces out of the northeast golfing season and whatnot. But I wouldn't deign to leave you empty handed, so here are this week's picks. Complete with the obligatory Rick and Morty (RIP Birdperson #FREERICK etc.) and college coed (annual Red River Rivalry addition) photos. So there ya go, ya rat bastards. That should tide you over til we chat again...

Until then, enjoy your weekend. And I'll catch you Teds next time...

Week 5 Picks
New England Patriots (-8.5) @ Dallas Cowboys

Atlanta Falcons (-7.5) vs Washington Tedskins

Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5) vs Seattle Seahawks

Green Bay Packers (-9) vs St. Louis Rams

Tennessee Titans (+2.5) vs Buffalo Bills

Philadelphia Eagles (-4.5) vs New Orleans Saints

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-2.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Chicago Bears (+10) @ Kansas City Chiefs

Cleveland Browns (+6.5) @ Baltimore Ravens

Arizona Cardinals (-2.5) @ Detroit Lions

Oakland Raiders (+5) vs Denver Broncos

New York Giants (-7) vs San Francisco 49ers

San Diego Chargers (-3) vs Pittsburgh Steelers

Last Week: 6-8-0

Overall: 29-32-2 (.476)

NCAA Top 25 Picks
Maryland (+33.5) @ (1) Ohio St.

(2) TCU (-9) @ Kansas St.

Rutgers (+16.5) vs (4) Michigan St.

(5) Utah (-4.5) vs (23) California

(6) Clemson (-7.5) vs Georgia Tech

South Carolina (+13.5) vs (7) LSU

(8) Alabama (-13) vs Arkansas

(10) Oklahoma (-17) vs Texas

Missouri (+5.5) vs (11) Florida

(12) Florida St. (-9.5) vs Miami

Navy (+14.5) @ (15) Notre Dame

(18) Michigan (-7.5) vs (13) Northwestern

Tennessee (+2.5) vs (19) Georgia

(21) Oklahoma St. (+7) @ West Virginia

Illinois (+10.5) @ (22) Iowa

Last Week: 8-4-0

Overall: 20-18-0 (.526)


Friday, October 02, 2015

Week 4 Picks: Who's Your Taddy?

See that guy, up there? Yeah? Well, that's Rick &Morty insta-legend and all around good-guy-for-hire, Taddy Mason. Yep. That's who that is. So, now that I've justified the punny title of my post. Let's pick some winners. See if I can't claw my way above 5 hundy for ya. Ya know, because I'm a nice guy like that. I mean, I'm no Taddy Mason. But you probably already knew that. Unless you still have no idea who Taddy Mason is. In which case you're more than likely Teddy Mason. And nobody likes Teddy Mason. Obviously...