Friday, October 02, 2015

Week 4 Picks: Who's Your Taddy?

See that guy, up there? Yeah? Well, that's Rick &Morty insta-legend and all around good-guy-for-hire, Taddy Mason. Yep. That's who that is. So, now that I've justified the punny title of my post. Let's pick some winners. See if I can't claw my way above 5 hundy for ya. Ya know, because I'm a nice guy like that. I mean, I'm no Taddy Mason. But you probably already knew that. Unless you still have no idea who Taddy Mason is. In which case you're more than likely Teddy Mason. And nobody likes Teddy Mason. Obviously...


Week 4 Picks

Cincinnati Bengals (-4) vs Kansas City Chiefs

With the Patriots on their bye, this week becomes all about determining WHO THEIR TRUE COMPETITION REALLY IS????

Well, it's not the Bengals. But they'll probably smoke the Chiefs. Because it's October, and not December. And it's kinda hard to choke in October. Doesn't hurt their cause that AJ Green is the truth, either...

Denver Broncos (-6.5) vs Minnesota Vikings

The Broncos are still the real competition in the AFC. But now it's mostly due to their defense. Well, maybe not mostly. But it's less about Peyton Manning than it's ever been. And I wouldn't be shocked if that ends up being a good thing. As long as they can adapt, and resist the urge to continue jamming a square peg into a round hole. You know, so like the opposite of what the Cowboys always do...

San Francisco 49ers (+8.5) vs Green Bay Packers

The Packers are boss in the NFC, and clearly the Patriots biggest threat. Fortunately for both, they won't have to play each other unless they meet in the Super Bowl. And fortunately for the Niners, the Packers can't really stop anyone. Which is why I don't hate San Fran's chances of sneaking in the backdoor. Despite their certified dumpster fire status...

Arizona Cardinals (-6.5) vs St. Louis Rams

And if the Packers are the boss, then the Cardinals are the NFC's assistant manager. They're the Hank Hill of this. Actually, due to their big play nature on both sides of the ball, they're more like when Hank in that episode where he had to briefly become a pimp. They're the mack daddies of Maricopa County. And they're pimpin' sweet lady football. Trickin' her out all over that town...

Miami Dolphins (+1) vs New York Jets

New York Giants (+6) @ Buffalo Bills

And with the Patriots off, I'd be remiss if I didn't comment on their still active brethren from the AFC East...

I see a "last stand" type performance from the Dolphins. Mostly because it feels as though they're one bad game away from getting everybody fired. And while I won't go so far as to say that I'm not buying into the Bills resurgence. I will say that I'm nowhere near comfortable enough with their improved play to take them as a 6 point favorite against anyone. Especially against a team like the Giants, whose 2 losses this season have only come be a combined 6 points...

And, yes. That's Eli Manning looking at Tim Tebow...

There are these games, too. Still no line for New Orleans/Dallas as I'm typing. But when that pops up, I'll be sure to have a take. Whether it be on here, or on the Twitter. So look alive, Teds...

Oakland Raiders (-2) @ Chicago Bears

Atlanta Falcons (-5) vs Houston Texans

Jacksonville Jaguars (+9) @ Indianapolis Colts

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3) vs Carolina Panthers

Philadelphia Eagles (-3) @ Washington Tedskins

San Diego Chargers (-7.5) vs Cleveland Browns

New Orleans Saints (-3.5) vs Dallas Cowboys

Monday Night

Seattle Seahawks (-8.5) vs Detroit Lions

Three college friends and I once took over the NFC East via Madden. We drafted the teams from scratch, and devoTed the time we should have spent on learning, to playing out the season so we could draft again. It was the first year you could do all this, I think. I wanna say late 2002. The one with Vick on the cover...

Anyway, my buddy Ty was the GM of the Lions (I had Champ Bailey and Charles Woodson pick-sixing it up for the Packers). And his team hadn't been very good. And, in a leap forward for artificial intelligence that I'd yet to see up to that point and still haven't seen since, the Lions fired Ty before the start of the 3rd draft. Yep, fired him. It was stone cold, too. Just a short nondescript (yet elegant) message on the screen saying he was canned. He wasn't good enough to run the Lions, and they had decided to move on...

So we had to start over. Moved to the AFC West. I took the Chargers, and wore the powder blues every game (a deal I finagled thanks to the dominance of my Packers). Had Plaxico Burress and Hank Poteat doin work! Called the combination "Plaxico-teat". It was funny. Just not as funny as watching your friend get fired by the virtual Lions. That's like Internet porn laughing at the size of your johnson! Which, while also hilarious, would probably make for a slightly less fulfilling and slightly more awkward encounter. You know, because of all of the other dudes in the room...

Last Week: 9-7-1

Overall: 23-24-2 (.490)

As for the real college football, I've got a few cool facts for ya. By which I mean observations....

First, we have Alabama listed as an underdog for the first time in 70 games. Which is cray, obviously. And seeing as Georgia has a penchant for spitting the bit in big spots, I feel very comfortable laying those points...

And secondly, the over/under in the Baylor/Texas Tech game (otherwise known as the BUTT Bowl. BU+TT? Yeah, you got it) is freaking 88.5. Which is a record. The old record was 88 in 2012, in another Baylor game against Oklahoma St. They only managed 74 total points in that one, falling well short. But I think they gots in this one. Mostly because why the Hell not. So you'll probably wanna keep that in mind. But, yeah. Points!..

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(25) Florida (+7) vs (3) Ole Miss

(4) TCU (-14.5) vs Texas

Texas Tech (+17) vs (5) Baylor + OVER 88.5

(12) Clemson (+1) vs (12) Notre Dame

(7) UCLA (-13.5) vs Arizona St.

(13) Alabama (+2.5) @ (8) Georgia

(14) Texas A&M (-7) vs (21) Mississippi St.

(23) West Virginia (+7) @ (15) Oklahoma

(16) Northwestern (-4) vs Minnesota

(19) Wisconsin (-7.5) vs Iowa

(22) Michigan (-16) @ Maryland

Last Week: 5-5-0

Overall: 12-14-0 (.462)

And there you have it, friends. I may have a Sicario review for you next week, as I'm still debating whether or not I'm gonna do what it do. But either way, I'll be back. And I hope you're here, too. You rat bastards...

Be good...



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