Friday, April 27, 2007

Is It Me, Or Is There a Draft In Here?

Hey! There's a Thorne In My Sock!
It certainly doesn't take much for Sox fans to get riled up, so needless to say they haven't been too pumped with this latest controversy. In case you missed it, Oriole's TV announcer, Gary Thorne, related a story during the game on Wednesday in which Sox catcher Doug Mirabelli told him the "secret" behind Schilling's bloody sock. The sock of course, was made famous in the 2004 playoffs when Schill took the mound hours after surgery in which sutures were put on his ankle tendon. He then went on to bleed through the sock, and that image is forever linked with the Sox breakthrough '04 World Series title, and their record comeback against the Yanks in the ALCS.

Well, as Thorne told it on TV, Mirabelli told him that it wasn't blood on the sock at all, but it was actually red paint, put there for affect. And Thorne didn't back off. When asked off air by Boston Globe columnist Gordon Edes about the comment, Thorne repeated the sttory verbatim. He then went on air again, and even suggested that people ask Mirabelli himself. Well Gar, too bad for you, everyone took you up on that one. And when asked about the comments, Dougie simply blasted Thorne, calling his statement "a fucking lie". Schill even went as far as to say to fellow reporters, "you got some ugly people in your business". Now, since the story went all hay wire, Thorne has come out and said there was simply a miscommunication between he and the Belli. When talking briefly while Doug was in San Diego, Thorne asked him "How 'bout the bloody sock?", to which Doug replied "yea, we got a lot of publicity out of that".

Now, I love Gary Thorne. No, not in some Tranny Arquette type of way, but as a guy trying to make it in the business I've always really admired him. He's good at what he does, and he's always been considered a respected member of the media community. That being said, if what he now says is true, he really blew it on this one. First, you shouldn't ever tell stories when all you got is some one liner from a few years ago. And second, you certainly shouldn't tell any story that is going to in any way call into question the Sox 2004 World Series. I mean come on now Gary. That's like telling a four year old Santa Claus doesn't exist. Or more related to sports, it's like telling someone the Babe didn't really call his shot. Are you right? Yea, maybe. But if you're gonna tell people those things, proof or no proof, you're gonna take a lot of shit. And deservedly so. Myths, legends or whatever you wanna call them. They're there for a reason, and it's not so much that they happened, but what they meant, that really matters here. So leave the bloody sock alone Gary, especially if you ever plan on workin' a game in the Bean again without a bodyguard, a can of mase and an H2 modified to look like the Pope Mobile. Thorne really put his foot in his mouth on this one, and while it shouldn't really damage his career, it can at least serve as a good message to everyone out there. A) Don't tell a story when you don't know all the facts, especially when people's reputations are on the line. And B) Don't fuck with the Sox and our World Series rings, or we'll beat your ass wicked bad with pipes 'n shit kid...

Now, all that being said, I can't get away from this topic without saying this one thing. I WOULD NOT BE SURPRISED IF SCHILLING DID PAINT HIS SOCK RED. Let's be clear here. I don't think he did, but I'm just saying it wouldn't shock me in the least. I mean hell, this is the guy they nicknamed "Red Light" because of the way he basically chases TV cameras around. We all know he loves the publicity. He thrives on it. What other MLBer that you know of has been on Celebrity Poker Showdown and Extreme Makeover? Or how about one that posts his own blog nearly every day, or calls in regularly to local sports radio even when he's not a scheduled guest? He's at campaign rallies, he's pluggin' his ALS charity and, his wife's runnin' the marathon. Face it, the guy lives for this shit. So would I put it past him? Hell, no. I think in a best case scenario for Schill, he would be the role model for every child in America. And what better way to solidify that, than by creating a truly heroic image like pitching through a bloody ankle, beating the Yanks and killing the curse? God, he loves all that shit man, and you know he wouldn't have it any other way! That's Schill man, and you either love him or hate him for it. As for me, I'm still leaning towards it being real blood on the sock. I do have to hand it to Schill though, calling out all the media types that questioned his injury like Dan "Man Perm" Shaunessy, Gay Mariotti and Woody Paige. Curt challenged any of them to put up $1 mil against his $1 mil for his ALS charity, and have a DNA test done on the sock. Good for you Curt, stick it to the man! He knows those pussies don't have the balls, or the loot to take him up on it, and he's just throwing it right back in their snooty little faces. I say someone should step up and match it anyway, if not for vindication, just for the money the charity would receive. Everyone likes free money right? But like I said, it doesn't matter what it was, it only matters what it is. And what it is, is a great memory, of the best year for the Red Sox of my lifetime, and a World Series run that no one will soon forget. Done and Done.

Red Sox Update

Overall: 14-7
Status: It was nice to take two quickies from the O's after droppin' the games in Toronto, but that's just more of the norm for Sox fans. Check the Sox record over the last tow years against both teams: Sox v O's (22-3), Sox v Jays (14-24). Eh, oh well, we've got bigger fish to fry right now anyway. And what better way to ride into the weekend tilt in the Bronx than an 8th inning, game winning grand slam by Whiffie Mo Pena. The Sox have been hard pressed to find much offense at all from the center field position this year, but as long as someone other than Manny, Papi or Drew isn't getting the big hit, you have to consider it an added bonus. The slam also had an added bonus, moving starter Josh Beckett to 5-0, and keeping the Sox a full 3 games ahead of the rest of the AL East. The Yankees, however, couldn't have limped into this weekend's series any worse than they did. Not only are the Bombers currently riding a 6 game losing streak, but they're fresh off watching their golden boy, Phil Hughes, get rocked in his MLB debut. After strugglin in the minors to open the season, the Yanks went to Hughes to save their God awful rotation, but he did little to help, going just 4 1/3 innings, giving up 7 hits and 4 runs. Now, while the Sox won't have the Big 3 of Dice, Schill and Beckett going again in this series, you still have to like the Sox chances fro ma strictly pitching stand point. It may only be Dice, Wake, and Nacho Libre (Tavarez) this time around, but compared to Pettitte, Karstens and a gimpy Wang, it's not nearly as lopsided as you may think. Besides. I think we all know who has the advantage in the bull pen at this point of the season, and with those starters runnin' it out there, you can bet we'll see a good deal from those fellas. That being said, it's throat crushin' time, a time where the Sox really need to rub some serious salt in the Yankees wounds. If Boston can somehow gank 2 out of 3 in the Bronx, then not only will the Sox be 16-8, but the Yanks will be sitting a cool 6.5 games back in the East. I know, I know, it's only April. But so what? Does that mean I want the Sox to lose? Of course it doesn't. If you really want to know my true desire, it's that the Sox push the Yanks so far into the basement, that even Roger Clemens won't consider coming to help the Bombers. That'd be freakin' sweet! The only thing better than watching to Sox win, is watching the Yankees lose. And when you can kill those two birds with one stone, it's better than a hot bowl of meth on a cool summer evening. Mmmmm. Meth and baseball, the real American Dream.

News and Notes

*I know I've been saying for weeks now that I wasn't going to break down the NFL draft, but it's a little too juicy for me to stay away from completely. So, here it is. I couldn't bring myself to break down the entire first round, but what I have provided, is my top 10 along with the Patriots 24th and 28th picks. Keep in mind, these are the picks as I see them unfolding, not the picks I would make. So don't "mock" me. Ha! Checks it out...

1. Oakland Raiders - QB JaMarcus Russell, LSU
*What can I say. Raiders owner Al Davis loves guys that are big, strong and fast. Russell has the big arm, and experience running a pro style system with LSU, and of playing in the uber competitive SEC. That being said, he's still pretty raw. To be honest, something about this guy says Aaron Brooks or Akili Smith rather than Donovan McNabb or Vince Young. Maybe it's because he reminds me so much of former LSU and New England Patriot, Rohan Davey. Let's hope he's better than Davey, for Oakland's sake, but I feel he has bust written all over him. But, after Saturday, that's officially Oakland's problem, so let's move on.

2. Detroit Lions - DE Gaines Adams, Clemson
*When we look back on this draft, we won't remember that the Lions took Adams, we'll just remember that they passed on WR Calvin Johnson. After picking receivers Roy Williams, Charles Rogers and Mike Williams high in previous drafts, Matt Millen won't have the stones to take another wideout. Too bad for him, Johnson is the best one he's had the chance to draft, and he could very well be what finally leads to Millen's demise. Adams is a good talent, but the Lions never get anything right, so let's not peg them to start doing it now...

3. Cleveland Browns - WR Calvin Johnson, Georgia Tech
*The Browns are basically the only team I haven't seen taking Johnson in a mock draft, so that tells me he'll end up there for sure. Sure, the Browns have more pressing needs, but teaming Johnson up with Braylon Edwards and Kellen Winslow will at least promise that whoever is leading this offense will have plenty of weapons. Their O-line is weak, and Lord knows Romeo Crennel would love another versatile defender, but I have to believe the Browns know a guy like Johnson just doesn't show up every year, and snag him with this pick.

4. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - DT Amobi Okoye, Louisville
*OK, so now Jon Gruden is pissed. He really wanted Calvin Johnson to fall in his lap, and now he wants to trade out of this pick. Well, sucks for you Chucky, this is my mock draft, and I say you have to pick. So, with the best overall player off the board, Tampa decides to make a splash by making the first truly surprising pick of the draft, plucking the 19 year old with the 4th selection. I personally think Okoye won't really blossom until he's ready to bolt his rookie deal at age 23, but I still think the Bucs snag him to solidify a slightly aging defense. It's tough to learn to play inside at the next level, but a lot of GMs say Okoye is a special talent, and you know Gruden's gotta be lovin' that. It probably doesn't hurt that he admitted to smokin' buds in college either. They've had success with bud smokin' D-lineman in the past haven't they? Let's make it two some. Two hits and pass right? OK, that was a reach...

5. Arizona Cardinals - OT Joe Thomas, Wisconsin
*Biggest no brainer so far if you ask me. We all know how great the Cardinal offense is with Fitzgerald, Bolidn and Edgerrin James, but nailing down a tackle to protect Matt Leinhart for the next decade is key. Thomas might be missing the draft due to a fishing trip (no joke), but that shouldn't have the Cards questioning his dedication. The kid is a monster and by far the best lineman in the class. They'll be able to find quality pieces for their defense deeper in the draft, but they won't find another guy like Thomas, so they'll snag him. That being said, with Adrian Peterson and Brady Quinn still on the board, expect the Cards to look and shop this pick in order to move down, still get Thomas, and add another pick to their draft day arsenal.

6. Washington Redskins - S LaRon Landry, LSU
*It's the Daniel Snyder, and it's the Redskins. The way Snyder drafts and goes about free agency is all about getting big names, not necessarily players his team needs (Bruce Smith, Deion Sanders). So, following that trend, look for the Skins to take Landry here, despite already having Sean Taylor, basically the same type of player. They both love to hit big, and they both love to chase the ball all over the field. They don't need him, but they won't be able to resist. They won't be any better, but Landry and Taylor should make for an entertaining tandem for years to come.
7. Minnesota Vikings - QB Brady Quinn, Notre Dame
*If Quinn doesn't fall, then Viking brass will continue singing the "we love Tavaris Jackson" tune. If he does fall, they will be thanking their lucky stars. Quinn is a Midwest kid, a smart player with pro offense experience at ND, and he fills a big need for the Vikes. Done and done. I'm not sold on Quinn as a superstar QB, but if they can surround him with the right parts, he can make them look good down the road. I like Adrian Peterson a lot more at this spot, but seeing as they just shelled out big money to Chester Taylor, I can't really see them justifying taking another back so early in the draft.

8. Atlanta Falcons - OT Levi Brown, Penn St.
*The number one priority for new head coach Bobby Petrino and the Falcons should be protecting Mikey Vick. Just because he doesn't feed his dogs (read down further!), doesn't mean he doesn't need protection, right? A lot of people will say it's pointless wasting a pick on an O-lineman when Vick's just gonna leave the pocket anyway, but I disagree. The more time you give the guy, the better he should become. And if Petrino intends to keep him in the pocket more, better protection is a must. They'd love a D-end here to compliment John Abraham and replace Patrick Kerney, but Brown gives you the best value at this draft position, and sends a positive message to Vick and the offense.

9. Miami Dolphins - TE Greg Olsen, Miami (FL) "The U"
*Another pick that seems silly now, but it's just a stab I'm taking. New head coach Kam Cameron is going to want to run the system he ran in San Diego, and to do that he's going to need a dynamic tight end. It might be a little high for Olsen, but he's a great playmaker that can easily follow in footsteps of recent "U" tight ends Jeremy Shockey, Kellen Winslow and Bubba Franks. I won't be shocked it Miami decides to go defense or O-line here, but weird shit happens in the draft. So just chalk this one up on the "weird shit" list.

10. Houston Texans - RB Adrian Peterson, Oklahoma
*While it's not going to totally redeem the Houston brass for passing on Reggie Bush last year, it sure as hell is a start. Pundits will say, they got a back just as good, and a franchise defensive end in Mario Williams. Well, to quote Winston Wolf from Pulp Fiction, "Let's not start suckin' each other's dicks quite yet gentleman". If Peterson does fall, it's a great scenario for the Texans, but that's probably a pretty big "if". He's by far the best back in the draft, and though he's had some health concerns, they seem more freakish than they do likely to affect his ability to become a reliable, 1,000 yard+ back, year after year.

Now, for the Patriots picks. For these, just assume I did picks 11-23 in my head. AKA: I'm not just choosing players that weren't in my top 10.

24th pick - S Michael Griffin, Texas
*The most glaring need for the Pats coming into this draft has to be their secondary, and Griffin is the best guy on the board. He's fast, a big hitter and has plenty of big time experience playing for a National Championship squad in '06. He's not exactly a corner/safety like the Pats would ideally prefer, but he can serve as a great compliment and eventual replacement to aging hit-man, Rodney Harrison.

28th pick - OT Joe Staley, Central Michigan
*Do I think the Pats need help on the offensive line? Nah, not really. But I do expect the Pats to make a pick that doesn't address an area that everyone is viewing as a "need". Therefore, I look for them to take the best offensive lineman here, and that's Staley. Matt Light is getting on in years, and while Ryan O'Callahan was solid last year, you might want to protect a certain QB with a batter than "solid" offensive line. I'd love to see them go secondary again with this pick, or even linebacker, but it wouldn't be a Patriots draft without a few head scratchers. Man, it's a good thing they're always right, or they'd have some splainin' to doooo!

So there ya go, I just couldn't resist. Make sure to tune in to 99.7 FM or 790 AM on Saturday at around 11 when the draft starts. I'll be workin' be ass off at The Score Draft Party at Twin River, so make sure to check it out. If you don't, I'll find out, hunt you down, and beat you to death with a rusty TV antenna.
*So, as I eluded to before, apparently Mike Vick has fallen victim to the disease sweeping the sports world. No, not herpes (thank you, Ron Mexico), it's the inability to feed your dog. Allegedly, police found 26 dogs, either injured or starving, at a house owned by Vick and currently inhabited by his relative, Davon Boddie. In what was originally a drug investigation, police not only found the dogs, but what appeared to be items used for dog fighting. Now, I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the occasional dog fight, after all who doesn't? But at least feed 'em man. How the hell are they supposed to put up a good fight if they're all scraggly? Don't worry, I understand the logic of having them hungry before they fight, but a good fight is full of passion and anger, not desperation. I wanna see these dogs biting each other to death out of pride, dammit! Just kidding (wait, am I?). The real issue here is Mike Vick making yet another poor decision, and another pro athlete failing to feed his dogs. Eh, actually neither one of those actually surprises me, so I guess the story here was just I wanted to talk about dog fighting. Bum Fights anyone?

*The NCAA came down hard this week on coaches, barring them from sending text messages to recruits. Freaking hysterical. No, it's not the ruling that makes me laugh, it's me picturing old farts like Bobby Knight, Bobby Bowden and Joe Paterno actually trying to text. You know how those old fogies are always trying to "get with the lingo" and all. Here's what I mean. This is what I can only imagine a text between Bobby Knight and a star recruit might go:

Knight: gr8 game 2nite, ttyl
Recruit: thanx coach
Knight: np, cant w8 2 choke U + towel snap ur junk, biznatch


*Former Boston College big man, Shaun Williams, has hired an agent and will declare for the NBA draft. You may remember Williams from such suspensions as the one where he was kicked off the team on January 17th after allegedly failing a drug test. Many NBA execs still think Williams could be a first round pick because of his length and ability to change a game on defense, but I'm not so sure. Hye, I loved Williams at BC too, always sendin' the weak sauce into the 4th row, but these days character issues are more center stage than ever. Add to that, he's been out of the game for months now, and even when he was on point, he was rather suspect offensively. The only reason I even bring this up, is because I know a lot of people in this area really like the kid, and still would love to see him play at the next level. Well, there it is. I mentioned it, and now I'm movin' on...

*All I have to say, is read this freaking press release:

During my 23 years with The Times' sports department, I have held a wide variety of roles and titles. Tennis writer. Angels beat reporter. Olympics writer. Essayist. Sports media critic. NFL columnist. Recent keeper of the Morning Briefing flame. Today I leave for a few weeks' vacation, and when I return, I will come back in yet another incarnation. As Christine. I am a transsexual sportswriter. It has taken more than 40 years, a million tears and hundreds of hours of soul-wrenching therapy for me to work up the courage to type those words. I realize many readers and colleagues and friends will be shocked to read them.

That's right kids. LA Times sportswriter Mike Penner has decided to have tranny surgery and become, Chrsitine Daniels. I guess you lose the last name when you lose the junk. Personally, this kind of thing freaks me the fuck out, but that's just because I don't understand it I guess. Oh wait, nope. This is sketch as all hell, and I wish the Times, and "it", left me and the rest of the world out of this. Do whatever you want, she-dude, just next time keep it to yourself. And by "it", I mean your intentions, not your, well....oh man just forget it. But I gotta ask. Do you keep the junk in a jar near your bed or what? Maybe on an island in the kitchen? Last thing I wanna hear is that this guy tossed his rod and reel in the trash. In other news, the wories at The View are over. Rumor says they found a replacement for Rosie already, it's just the new chick is on vacation for a few weeks. Weird.

*And as long as we're talking about socially awkward white dudes, I have to show you this. This, my friends, is what happens when the producer doesn't tell you that you're on air, you have a senile partner and you grew up wearing sweater vests to the beach. Take it away Ian Eagle! And don't be stingy with the Manoshevitz!

*Dear Google,

I got this picture when I searched for "Gary Thorne" in Google Images. Thank you very much for making me laugh, but you may want to take a quick look at your database.

Always Pimpin,

P.S - right before the photo, Bush told the baby he had to go to Iraq

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Brady Quinn and Nancy Kerrigan? Oh and a Sox Sweep!

Waaaaay Back to Back to Back to Back
To echo the immortal words of the Kool Aid man. Ohhhhhhh yeaaaaaaa! Hey, I have the right to be excited, don't I? Listen, I know it's April Yankee fans, but I also know that a sweep is a sweep is a sweep. And I also know, that the Yankee bullpen right now is about as sturdy as Heather Mills in a jump rope contest. See, I'm not kidding myself here. It wasn't superior starting pitching that got the job done for the Sox like we all thought, it was their bullpen reigning supreme over the Yanks. The Sox pen, led by the surprise of the year so far, Hideki Okajima, surrendered only one earned run over 6 1/3 innings, while the Yankee pen, led by nobody, went 10.1 innings giving up 8 runs and walking 10. Grrrr-osssss. And this isn't exclusive to this series either. Chew on this. The New York Yankees, with the best closer in the history of the game in Mariano Rivera, have yet to save a game this year. That's right, Rivera and friends are 0 for 6 in save chances this year, and fans in the Bronx are already clamouring that head coach Joe Torre is burning out his bullpen. Easy does it there fellas. I know Torre has a history of over using relievers like Paul Quantrill, Flash Gordon, Mike Stanton and now Scot Proctor, but I think he's done plenty of things right in his tenure too hasn't he? How about this, if Sox fans aren't able to celebrate a sweep in April, then Yankee fans can't throw their coach under the bus after an 8-10 start. Sounds fair to me. But enough talkin' about the Yanks, let me return to reveling in the Sox early season success! Ha zaaa! The bats have woken up, the relief pitching is the best in the league (knock on Heather's leg) and the starting pitching is strong enough to shut down every lineup in the AL besides maybe the Beer League Bombers. And how 'bout those 4 homers in a row off of Yankee hurler (I call him that because that's what he made all Yankee fans do) Chase Wright! Wooo Eeeeee. Even Theo was pumping his fists in the owners box. You just gotta love that, and against the Yankees to boot! Not only did Wright become only the second pitcher in history to give up 4 consecutive home runs (Paul Foytack '63 Angels), but Torre left him in to face another batter before lifting him in favor of Colter Bean. OK, so maybe Torre blew that one a little, but as noted earlier, he probably wasn't exactly itching to go to his bullpen. Good news for Yankee fans though, is that "alleged" minor league stud Philip Hughes is headed to the Bigs to make his first start on Thursday. Should he tank it up, look for real panic to start setting in. It doesn't matter how many homers Mr. April can hit, if this team continues to only get 4+ innings from their starters, they might actually finish the season in 3rd as I predicted.

12-6, 1st place in AL East

Diamonds Are Forever
*Well, now that the human biology experiment known as Barroid Bonds has reached 740 career homers, it's time to start tryin' to predict when and where he'll actually break Hank Aaron's all time mark of 755. OK, so let's do some quick math here. He needs 16 "dongs" (as KB likes to call them) to break the record, and he already has hit 6 homers in his first 15 games. So, if he continues on that pace (one home run every 2.5 games), then he will have the record in his 40th game from today. That would mean Bonds would break the record on the road, on June 5th, against the Arizona Diamondbacks. OK, so there's no way he breaks it on the road. Why? Well, there's a good chance he gets semi-booed if he breaks it anywhere other than San Fran, and I'm sure that the Giants owners won't exactly be thrilled either. After all, the only reason they brought his juiced up ass back this year was to reap the benefits of this whole chase. I got some good news for them though. Fact is, whenever a player gets close to a record like this, they tend to freeze up a little bit, much like Bonds did when he passed Babe Ruth's 714 dingers. Roids or no roids, the pressure gets to you when you're knocking on history's door. Add to that, Barry is already 42 years old (and turns 43 in exactly 3 months), so you gotta expect that he'll have to sit out a few games here and there along the way. Like I said, Bonds has played in 15 games this year, but what I didn't mention was that the Giants have actually had 17 games already. OK, so let's assume Barry's gonna sit out 2 games for every 15 the Giants play. So if it was 40 games before, let's call it 45 now. That means Barry now breaks the record on June 10th in an interleague game against the Oakland A's. Not bad right? Bonds gets to break the record at home, and the Bay Area gets to have itself one Giant love fest, pun definitely intended. However, should Bonds slow his pace a little, and break the record between games 49-51 from now, he would be doing so in....dun dun dun....Fenway Park against the Red Sox. Oh man. Can you imagine a venue that would boo him more than Boston? Part of me wants no part of watching this guy break the record, and part of me wants to be front and center so I can boo him to death and possibly hurl a fake syringe at him as he rounds the bases. I think it's real funny that it could work out that way, but at the same time, I really do expect him to hit the wall around 750 and not break the mark till after the All-Star break. So, for my official guess, I say Bonds breaks the record on none other than Friday the 13th of July against the hated Los Angeles Dodgers (at home in San Fran of course). Now how appropriate is that?

*Talk about wishing you made other plans. While in Boston for the weekend, New York Yankee and Metrosexual poster boy Alex Rodriguez was seen dining with none other than FOX's very own Joe Buck and Tim McCarver. Yea I know, apparently someone forgot to tell Al Shaprton and Jesse Jackson that Boston was hosting the 2007 FRAUD convention. But seriously, how do you think that dinner went? Well, I had some great jokes and ideas set up, but after reading a similar post on, I figured they put it just about as well as you could. So check there's out, and just thank me for telling you about it. Here's the link

*And, while I'm rippin' on FOX, I have to bring up the issue of their radar gun during the Sox-Yanks game on Saturday. We all remember last year during the playoffs and the World Series when Detroit's Joel Zumaya was regularly hitting 100-103 on the FOX gun right? At the time, while I didn't believe he was throwing that fast, I didn't really have any evidence to prove that he wasn't. I mean the guy was known for throwing heat, so I guess it was possible that he was doing it, right? Well, you're not gonna get away with it this time FOX. During Saturday's Yanks-Sox tilt, the radar gun really caught my attention when Josh Beckett was clocked at 98 miles per the 7th inning! I know Beckett throws hard, but I don't think I've seen him throw a pitch that hard ever on the NESN radar gun. Add to that, if he did actually throw that hard, wouldn't he have hit 97-99 a million times last year when he was throwing almost 100% fastballs? You would think so. Then again, maybe it is the NESN gun. I say that jokingly, but truth is, the next night ESPN clocked Matsuzaka at 97 mph also. Granted, this guy is new, but I had yet to see him top 94-95 so far this season, and all of a sudden he's chuckin' bee bee's. I'm sorry, I just don't buy it. Oh, and Papelbon doesn't throw 99 either, just for the record. These major networks are obviously pumpin' their radar guns up to create some sort of "wow" factor. And while it really doesn't bother me so much, I think a lot of less informed fans are being misled, and that's no good at all. Isn't there enough pressure involved in the game today? Do you really need to create an impossible standard for these guys to live up to? What about the kid who goes to Fenway in hopes of seeing Papelbon or Beckett hit 100 miles per hour, and having to settle for 95-96? It's just stupid. At this point, just do away with the thing if it's gonna be like this. I know it's cool when a guy hits 100 on the gun, but let's not make in an every day event. It cheapens the feat when it actually happens, and it just makes these networks look really ignorant in the eyes of the real fans out there. Besides, it's not like we come to FOX and tinker with their Wildest Police Chases, and make it so all the criminals are now armed with grenades and armored tanks. That would just look dumb now wouldn't it? (slash - please add all that stuff I just said into the next episode)

*One last baseball note for today. Legendary columnist and novelist David Halberstam passed away early Monday morning at the age of 73 when a car he was riding in was struck by another vehicle in suburban San Fransisco. Halberstam contributed many great pieces of writing to both the news and sports worlds, including two of my favorite books; The Teammates - the story of Ted Williams, Dom Dimaggio, Bobby Doerr and Johhny Pesky, and Bill Belichick: The Education of a Coach. And other great sports books like The Amateurs, The Summer of '49 and Playing For Keeps: Michael Jordan and the World he Made. Halberstam was best known for his Pulitzer prize in his coverage of the Vietnam War, as well as his many novels chronicling the US's involvement in the region. What is less known, however, was his dedication to influencing young journalists, and teaching them to push the boundaries of modern journalism. In fact, the car he died in was being driven by a graduate student, who was actually taking Halberstam to meet with a group of young journalism students. He was truly one of the best in the business, and one of the best writers to ever pen a word. He will be missed, but thankfully, his legend will live on through the many works he left us with. If you have never read any of the books I mentioned above, do yourself a favor and get one. I have The Teammates if anyone wants to borrow it. The man had such great insight and perspective, he really opens your eyes while at the same time touching your heart. That may sound corny, especially coming from me, but read some of his work, and I dare you to tell me any different. R.I.P David Halberstam.

News and Notes
*I don't want it to come off like I'm always picking on ESPN Page 2 superstar Bill Simmons, but I do have a beef with him...that's right...again. In a column earlier this week, Simmons touched on a topic that many NBA fans are familiar with, the 1985 draft conspiracy. Many people will tell you that the NBA purposely rigged the draft lottery so the New York Knicks would land Georgetown big man Patrick Ewing. The theory states that if the Knicks landed Ewing, it would make the NBA relevant again in the Big Apple, thus giving the league a tremendous shot in the arm. Now, while I don't totally disagree that the draft lottery was somehow rigged, Simmons explanation (provided by one of his readers) just doesn't fly with me. Here, take a look at the video. Simmons claims that when the Knicks envelope is dropped into the big glass ball, the man dropping it in purposely tosses it against the side in order to dent it, making it distinguishable. He then says that when Stern picks up the envelopes, he feel for the dented one and then chooses it as the #1 overall pick. Hogwash I say. While the man handling the envelopes does appear to oddly toss in the envelope that belongs to NY, all the envelopes are exposed to similar treatment when the big ball is turned around a few times by the commish. If his toss dented the Knicks envelope, then when the ball was rotated several other envelopes were sure to be dented as well. You can judge for yourself, but I for one am just not buying it. I still wouldn't rule out a conspiracy, but this theory looks more like the magic bullet than the grassy knoll.

*If I were "Hot Sauce" or "The Professor" of the And 1 Tour, I'd be a little worried right about now. No, not because I live on a freak bus that stops strictly in dirty south towns like Birmingham, Alabama and Charlotte, NC, or even because you can't take 3 dribbles without that dude with the microphone shouting out your nickname like you're being auctioned off at some Waffle House bachelorette party. No, I'd be worried because it looks like Sebastian Telfair is coming for your j-o-b. Telfair, who's had several scrapes with the law in the past, was pulled over this weekend at 4 am going 77 in a 45 in Yonkers, NY. Upon inspection of the vehicle, police found it contained a loaded .45 caliber pistol under the driver's seat registered to Telfair's longtime squeeze Samantha Rodriguez. Of course, neither Telfair or his boy in the car knew the pistol was there. Hahaha of course they didn't. I find all sorts of shit in my car all the time that I never knew was there. Just the other day I got into my car and found 6 kilo's of smack in my glove compartment. Where'd it come from? Damned if I know. Shit like that just always seems to happen! Uh huh. And if you you buy that, then I got some partially digested Trimspa from you know who's belly that I wouldn't mind sellin' ya. Fact of the matter here is, Telfair is a no good thug, and he needs to be chased out of town. This is the second time he's been stopped with a gun (first time at Logan airport while with Portland), that he claimed he had no idea about. So, either he's an idiot, and needs to be cut from the team, or he's a pistol toting thug, and needs to be cut from the team. Either way, if the Mormon and the Dentist can't get this one right, then Celtic fans are even more screwed than they originally thought. I know he's only 21, and I know he's been an icon since age 13, but that doesn't excuse his behavior. His lawyer wants to say how people prey on him and so he needs protection. Well then why is he saying it's not his gun? Let's get our stories straight here fellas. God, no wonder Lucky wouldn't talk to your dumb ass.

*A lot of people have been asking me lately why I haven't been chronicling the NFL draft here on my blog. Well, to you folks I simply have to say, "If you actually read what I write, then you wouldn't be asking me these freaking questions all the time!" I 'm saying this one more time. I have no idea who the Patriots are going to pick, so I'm not going to bother guessing. You heard right, even I don't want to venture a guess. What I will say, is that the Lions will screw up, the Raiders will take the strongest and fastest guy available at every pick and Brady Quinn will spend more time in the draft room than commissioner Roger Godell. That's right ND honks, your boy is the one that's gonna be left doing his best Nancy Kerrigan impression. "Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" If you really wanna know what's what with this year's draft, make sure to either watch it on ESPN, or failing that, listen to the draft show on 99.7 FM or 790 AM. It'll be airing live from Twin River, complete with a fantasy mock draft beforehand and continuing coverage throughout day 1. Feel free to listen to that sucker for all the latest rumors and picks, because Lord knows I will be hard at work making sure that information is readily available to all the talent on air for the day. That's right, I do all the grunt work, so those fools can look good. Some day though my friends, some day. And speaking of that, feel free to call The Score in Providence any time throughout that day and tell them how you want to hear me on the air. You know I'm the man. And besides, if you ever want free tickets, I'm eventually going to need to be in a position to get them. So voice your support dammit!

*Apparently Phat Mickelson just realized what you and I have known for years. Hitting your driver in the woods, or off of hospitality tents during major tournaments, isn't exactly a good strategy if you plan on winning. That's why, this week, Lefty announced that he was making the move to former Tiger Woods swing coach, Butch Harmon. Allow me to be the first to say, DUHHHHHHH. Come on now Phil, why has it taken you this long to realize you have issues driving the ball? I know you finally broke through and won a few majors, but you've been shankin' drives forever. And while I think it's a good idea switching to the guy that helped hone Tiger's swing back in the day, you'd prolly be better off using that money on a good shrink. It seems pretty obvious to me that your poor play in pressure situations has less to do with your actual game than it does with your state of mind. But hey, what do I know, the only green jacket I own is...well...I guess I can neither think of a joke, or actually think of a green jacket I have ever actually owned. OK, I got it. You're a fat loser and I hope you get hit by a truck? Yup, that works jusssssst fine.

Fantasy Update
Last Week: LOSS, 11-13-0 vs Huge Giroballs
Overall: 5th place, 11 games back

*I don't like losing. I like even less when I lose to Frosco (something I seem to be doing a lot lately I might add). However, much like the Yankees, I have a lot of positives going despite my .500 record. My team has been pitching lights out thanks to Mark Buerhle, D-Train, Ramon Ortiz, Roy Halladay and Jonathan Papelbon, and they have even been able to hang offensively despite struggles from big names like Andruw Jones, Johnny Damon and Adam Dunn. If those guys can start producing like they have in years past, not only should my team turn around, but they might become nearly impossible to beat.

*I guess if I keep ripping on American Idol, then it's going to be pretty tough to convince people I don't watch it (I honestly don't. And I say that as a hetero male that watches Project Runway). However, as you know, I have trouble letting things go, and this is no different. No, that doesn't mean I've continued watching the show since my main man Mangina was eliminated (impossible since there hasn't been an episode since, but I digress), but it does mean that another Idol-er has caught my attention, and for all the wrong reasons. This time, it's last year's runner up (she lost to that 60 year old hick I think), Kat McPhee. I happened to be flipping through the channels this weekend when I stumbled upon McPhee's new video on VH1. Not only did the song suck harder than Paula Abdul in the LAX bathroom, but the lip syncing was the worst shit I've seen in my life. Don't get me wrong, I know they lip sync those videos, and I get why they do it, but whoever let this video go to air is without a doubt foldin's his paper hat and heading out to his drive up window as we speak. Seriously, take a look for yourselves. Could this bitches mouth possibly be more wide open? (eh I already made one fellatio joke, I think that's enough) Just goes to further prove my point, that these American Karaoke frauds are just a bunch of losers that have already been passed over by every major record label. Enjoy, or should I say, try not to puke.

Friday, April 20, 2007

What's Up Big Perm? I mean Big Worm

Wicked Big Series Kid

When it comes to judging how successful your team's season was, all that really matters is how they performed in the playoffs. Isn't it? Sure, if your team's been down for a while, a good season can be simply vast improvement, but that only flies for one season. The next season, you better be back in the playoffs, and doing well, or it's your ass. So basically, regular season games mean shit in the grand scheme of things. That being said, I am so pumped for this weekend's tilt between the Sox and the Yanks. I know that what happens in this series won't necessarily be an indicator of how each team will play for the rest of the season, but I really don't care. Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Schilling, Beckett, Dice-K. Wooo-eeee it doesn't get any better than that! Damn! Friday, blam. Saturday, blam. Sunday, blam. I mean if a weekend series against the freakin Rangers lines up against those 3 aces it's a delicious weekend treat, let alone it's the Yanks and it's at Fenway! And seeing as I'm so amped for this series, nothin' is gonna stop me from breaking it down like it's Super Bowl 2-hundy.

Line 'Em Up
Before I dive into the pitching match ups for the series, I'd be remiss if I didn't break down the two team's lineups. After all, it might be pitching that wins most games, but to just ignore the offense is just...well...ignorant. Especially when there is such a disparity. And when I say disparity, what I mean is, the Sox can't score, and the Yanks can't seem to stop scoring. Examples: Alex Rodriguez (10) has only two fewer dingers than the entire Sox team (12 for the mathily impaired); The Yanks are hitting .280 as a team and scoring 6.4 runs a game, and the Sox are hitting .249 and only plating 4.8 a night; Rodriguez is off to a rocket start (I'll get into that more later), and Manny just hit his first home run of the season. See, all the offensive trends seem to favor the 8-6 Yanks over the 9-5 Sox this weekend. Lucky for us, all that is or show, and pitching actually wins these suckers! Ha!

Friday 7:05 pm
Curt Schilling (2-1 2.84 ERA) vs Andy Pettitte (1-0 1.50 ERA)
*Fine. Maybe I was a little preemptive with the "fat man" blasts in regards to Schill, but that'll happen when you show up lookin' like Al Roker (not when he was thin for like 10 minutes after that stomach job), only to get smacked around by the Royals, it's bound to happen. Turns out, Schill still seems to have a little left in the ole tank. The heater may only be topping out in the low (very low) 90's these days, but he's still hitting spots and keeping the walks down. Not much more you can ask for.

Saturday 3:35 pm
Josh Beckett (3-0 1.50 ERA) vs Jeff Karstens (2-1 3.80 ERA)
*The early AL front runner for the Cy Young, takes on some minor league scrub that I wouldn't let park my dinged up Honda Civic. And that's being generous, seeing as from what I can tell, even the Yanks aren't sure who they're trotting out there on Saturday. I guess it's gonna be fresh off the DL rookie Jeff Karstens, but who knows. No matter which of their bums they chose to send out there, I gotta say I like the Sox chances. Granted, when Beckett misses, he tends to hang pitches, but he hasn't been hanging many this year at all. In fact, Beckett's curve right now is one of the best weapons of any pitcher not named Santana in the league, and if he can keep the Yanks off balance with the change and the heater, then look the F out!

Sunday 8:05 pm
Daisuke Matsuzaka (1-2 2.70 ERA) vs Chase Wright (1-0 5.40 ERA)
*I've been tellin' people for a while now that Dice K's first start against the Yanks has me a little worried. And while he's pitched much better than his 1-2 record, I must admit I'm still pretty scared. Why? Because the Dice man likes to leave pitches up in the zone, and the Yanks lineup is stacked with guys that take those high pitches, and deposit them on Landsdown St, or use them to take a chunk out of the Coke bottle. As for Wright, well, let's just say he didn't suck in his first career start last week, giving up 5 hits, 3 runs, and 3 walks while striking out 3 in a win against Cleveland. But he is young and inexperienced, even more so than Dice K! So you gotta give the edge to the Sox in this match up as well!

Diamonds Are Forever
*Yea yea yea. A-Rod has 10 home runs. Sure, he's on pace to hit a zillion home runs. How is this even news? The guy is always mashin'. Should we be so surprised that a guy that's averaged a .306 batting average, 44 HR and 126 RBI over his 14 year career is off to a hot start? The guy is probably going to be the all time home run leader before he retires right? So what's the big deal? I'll tell you what it is. It's that everyone is choosing to forget, conveniently enough, that this guy is still a choke artist. And guess what, we actually have some games that matter comin' up this weekend bra. I'll still be here after you go 2 for 14 with 7 strike outs. And hey, if you rip us for a .500 average and 4 dingers, I'll be here anyway talkin' bout how the regular season don't mean shit! How you like me now A-Fraud? (I only call him out because I heard a rumor he reads my blog on the regs)

*Hey there Mark Buehrle! When the Chicago White Sox hurler threw a no hitter on Wednesday night against the Texas Rangers, not only did he become the first Sock to do so since Wilson Alvarez in 1991 (that name sounds familiar...weird), but more importantly, he did it for my fantasy team! Good work by you Buehrle. In this day and age, when a "good" ERA in the American league is in the high 3's, it's always good to see the pitchers get over once in a while. Yea, yea, I know. Chicks dig the long ball. But hot chicks dig dudes that dig no hitters. So I got that goin' for me...which is nice. And you have to hand it to Buehrle also for letting his boy and teammate Jon Garland off the hook. Apparently, the two had a "bounty" of $10,000 where whoever threw a no hitter first was owed the loot by the other. What a nice guy, right? OR Maybe he just wants to seem like the good guy, and then have Garland go to the local Wendy's and order him 10,000 junior bacon cheeseburgers. D-freaking-licious.

*Everyone loves the classic coach vs media confrontations. And everyone also loves watching Philly teams makes asses out of themselves. That, my good friends, is what makes this story so God damned perfect! Philadelphia Phillies manager, Charlie Manuel, flat out blew up at talk radio journalist Howard Eskin during his post game press conference this week. Manuel, as laid back and as southern hick as they get, felt Eskin was basically saying that Manuel and the Phillies "enjoyed" losing. I won't bore you with describing the events, since the video is right there for ya, but I will say this. You can't be surprised when this shit happens. Why? Because it's your basic jock vs nerd situation, adult style. What Manuel really wants to do, is give Eskin an atomic wedgie and shove him in a locker. That little dweeb is mouthin' off to him, and you can tell he wishes to no end that the cameras were off and the room was cleared, so he could make sure Eskin eats the rest of his steak and cheeses' through a straw. Take a look (and make sure to wait it out and pump the volume).

News and Notes
*With the first pick in the 2007 NBA draft...the Boston Celtics select...some dude that looks like Robert Parrish? Might sound silly, but with Greg Oden officially declaring for the NBA draft last night, it could soon be "The Return of the Chief" in the Hub. That's right. Even though he scared a few Bostonians with the talk he might return to Ohio St. for another run at a title, Oden eventually made the right decision, and decided to make the jump to the NBA. He's probably a rare case of a guy that can't hurt his draft stock by staying in school (a la Josh McRoberts and the NFL's Matt Leinhart), but it's still the right choice to turn pro. The money is there now, and while all the skills might not be, he's ready to start bangin' with the big boys, and takin' his game to the next level. What shouldn't be lost in all of this, is the fact the his teammate (both in high school and at OSU), Mike Conley Jr., is also declaring for the draft. What should be lost in all of this, is that so is their other teammate, Daequan Cook. While Conley proved in the tourney that he was more than capable of being a great NBA point guard, who the hell does Daequan Cook think he is? I mean maybe he's trying to ride the wave created by his fellow frosh stars, or maybe he's getting some info from NBA teams that he should declare, but I just don't see it. He averaged 9.8 pts (4th on the team) and 4.3 boards (3rd on the team). Seriously bro. If you are barely in the conversation for the third best player on your own team, you better be on the '82 Tar Heels, or you need to stay another year in school.

*From mocking Robert Parrish, it was only appropriate that I move on to bashing Kevin McHale. The Minnesota Timberlwolves VP and GM, who Forbes Magazine named the "most efficient GM in the NBA" (again, funnier than anything I could make up myself), has come out this week and said that not only will he not trade Kevin Garnett, but he wants to overhaul and rebuild the team around him. To go further, McHale said that the team reminded him of the team he inherited 11 years ago, a team in need of an identity and in need of, well...talent. That's right, he basically admitted that the team sucked when he took over, and while he may have done well at some point, the team sucks again. And I wanna know who exactly he plans of trading to make his team better. Celtics duds Ricky Davis and Mark Blount? Journeymen Trenton Hassel, Eddie Griffin, Mark Madsen or Troy Hudson? It wouldn't make sense to get rid of newbies like Randy Foye and Craig Smith right? And nobody is going to want to take on Mike James' $6 mil price tag. Sooooo? Look Kev, if I can call you Kev. After looking at for about 10 minutes even I came to the realization that if you don't trade KG, then you're gonna have the same team next year that you had last year. And the year before, and the year before. Face it Kev (I've decided I'm calling you that even if you don't like it because I was never conscious during your titles, so there), the team has been about .500 since you've been there (.52988505 to be exact), and the best you've done in the playoffs is a Western Conference Finals loss in 2004. Basically, I don't care what Forbes magazine says, it's time for you to go. The fans are sick of you. And if this team is gonna be saved, it's only gonna be after you trade Garnett, and even then it's gonna take a minimum 3-4 years. We all know you're not gonna be around for that, so just do us all a favor and quit. Hell, come back home buddy. At least maybe then we can get rid of Donnie Marshall on the NESN pregame show. I know he does a good job and all, but how is your claim to fame the fact that you were the second best guy with your own name on your college team? (played at UCONN with Donyell "Donnie" Marshall) Pretty beat street right? If there's another Brett Ferruccio with a blog out there, I'll fight his ass and possibly cut him. Better than bein' "that other Donnie Marshall", right?

*This just in. College kids smoke marijuana. I know, I couldn't believe it. In my four years at Syracuse, not once did anyone even broach the topic of smoking marijuana! So you must imagine my shock when it was reported by Pro Football Weekly that top NFL draft prospects Calvin Johnson, Amobi Okoye and Gaines Adams admitted in their NFL Combine interviews that they had indeed "experimented" with weed during college. First of all, unless there were some test tubes, Bunsen burners or beakers involved (and no I'm not talkin' about when people "go MacGyver style), I don't want to hear the words marijuana and experimented in the same sentence. They were smokin' it! They were ripping the bing, burnin' the L, takin' g-hitters or boxin' out their whip. So? The question now is what NFL teams chose to do with that information. Could they have the next Sticky Icky Ricky Williams (ahhh that's where he's been) on their hands? Or might it be a Warren Sapp or a Randy Moss, who's draft stock dropped due to known Maryanne Jane tokage? You can never predict what will happen on draft day, but something tells me these guys are straight. No, not because teams won't care, because of course they will! The upper management in the NFL is a bunch of old grey beards. They like to sit around, sip brandy and discuss the pork bellies market. Weed scares the hell out of them! All them young people, smokin' dem tweeds! No, these guys won't suffer because of the fact they are too good! All 3 were projected as top 10 picks before this report, and I still expect all 3 to be gone by no later than pick 12. Even so, a little free advice for the next time someone asks you if you've ever used drugs. JUST SAY NO! We admire your honesty, but seriously fellas, this is a job interview here. And unless you're applying for a job at High Times magazine, Krispy Kreme or your neighborhood "incense shop", answer no when they ask if you've toked up. One more thing. Anyone else think it's a coincidence that this information was leaked the day before 4/20, the world wide weed smoker's holiday? Yea, I didn't think so. Maybe new commissioner Roger Goodell is a little more hip than we thought. From now on, we'll just call him Smokey. And you know!

*First, the Patriots signed punter Todd Sauerbrun to a preliminary deal. That deal allowed other teams to still negotiate with Sauerbrun, but gave the Pats the right to match the offer or let Sauerbrun go. So, in come the Denver Broncos, and they ink Sauerbrun to a one year, $850,00 deal. Then, the Pats match the offer, so Sauerbrun stays put. Well...not so fast. Turns out, the part of the contract that said the Pats had the right to match the offer, was on a separate piece of a paper from the rest of the contract. No big deal right? Wrong. According to the labor agreement, such language needs to be on the same sheet of paper as the rest of the contract, or the deal is void. Yea, seriously. So now Todd Sauerroids is a Denver Bronco. How sketch is that? Is this just the Patriots playing more head games with the league, and the Broncos in particular? Or did they just not know that was the rule? Freakin' weird whatever it is. It's like one of those bets you make with your buddy, but when they actually complete the dare, you make up some other stipulations to avoid paying up. You know what I mean. "Oh, I said you had to eat the left over chicken wings out of the actual trash can. It doesn't count that you took them all out first!"

*And while we're at it, I might as well mention the most recent addition to the New England Patriots, cornerback Tory James. James, the former Bengal and 11 year vet, signed a one year deal with the Pats this week, worth a possible $2.7 million. James is a quality corner (4 picks last season; career best 8 in '04) to throw in the mix, a lot like Tyrone Poole was when the Pats brought him in a few years back. The real question here, is whether James is here to solidify the Pats at the DB position, or because the Pats are predicting they'll be without Asante Samuel next season. I really hope it's the first reason, and if so I really like the move. Also, it appears that Corey Dillon may actually be retiring after all. Adam Schefter, from the NFL Network, is saying that he is hearing that's the case. Then again, Schefter is a whiny little prick, so what the hell does he know?

*Management for star running back LaDanian Tomlison claims that the single season TD leader was offered the cover of Madden 2008, but turned it down. EA Sports says, that Vince Young was their #1 choice. Now, I can't blame EA for saying that no matter what the truth is, but does anyone really believe them? Come on now. If I had taken a poll beforehand, and the question simply was "Who should be on the cover of Madden 2008?", LT would have won in a land slide. And that's without giving any options. You ask someone, they would have said Tomlinson, simple as that. So the question becomes, was LT scared of the Madden curse? You have to think he was at least a little weary of it, and who can blame him. Hey, I don't consider myself superstitious at all, and I used to play Madden like a mad man, but even I would have probably turned them down. First off, the cover gig pays a mere $200,oo0. And seeing as the odds are you're career will spiral into oblivion once you're on the cover, LT's prolly makin' the right move by sittin' this one out. What I wanna know, though, is will LT still be doomed for even being asked? Curses are weird like that. It's like a bad case of herps (no typo; prnounced "hurps"). One minute your scratchin' your back up against your friends' door, the next minute your saying to your significant other "Oh I always get cold sores this time of year". Gross. Gross. Gross.

*I've seen American Idol twice. And both times, it was to watch that pony hawk fool, "Mangina", make a fool of himself, yet somehow not get eliminated. I'm aware of all the efforts people like Howard Stern, and, to keep this joker on the show, but I must admit it did draw my attention. Don't get me wrong, I still think Ryan Seacrest is the poster boy for Metrosexuality, but that doesn't mean I didn't enjoy what I saw. The kid was so bad, he left the judges speechless, and even brought angry Brit, Simon Cowell, to the point where he said he would quit if Sanjaya actually won. That being said, he probably would have been the best winner! Look, aside from Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood, the rest of the winners on this show have been straight up flops. There was the black guy that looked like grimace, the black stripper that had fewer brain cells than teeth (and that was easier said than done in her case), and that grey haired freak. Where are those fools at, huh? Exactly. And, from what I've seen this season, the prospects aren't much better this season. There's the Miss Piggy look alike, a beat boxing poser, a kid that straight up resembles a penis, a chick with 99 triple Ds, and some other chick who I can't come up with a clever way to bash. Screw you American Idol. You kicked off the only guy worth watching on your show, and left us with the Dawg, the Druggie and the Deuche. Listen FOX, if I wanna see a drugged up cheerleader sitting next to a "huge black", I'll just stick to the Internet, thank you very much.