Thursday, December 27, 2007

'Tis The Season...

Greetings, gangstas. Hope everyone is having a pleasant holiday season. Unfortunately, the fun I've been having has been detracting from my time as a blogger, but that's a sacrifice I'm more than willing to make this time of year. After all, in a year that's seen me actually speak on the radio and win my fantasy football league title, I think I deserve just a little time off. I'll still sling ya my picks though, in hopes of spreading my holiday cheer to you in the form of a few certain green presidents. You know I'm taking the Pats, and you know Belichick, Brady and Moss are gonna be shootin' for those records. So you know the Pats are gonna clobber the Giants and become the first team to ever go 16-0 in the regular season. It will all be for not if by some act of God they dont win the Super Bowl, but I'm so busy I don't even have time for those sacrilegious, negative thoughts. Done and Done. The rest of the picks speak for themselves / like I said I don't have time for all this ish right now. I've been sputtering a bit here down the stretch, but hopefully this 6-pack can give me a strong finish, and a good mind set heading into the playoffs...

Week 17 Picks
New England Patriots (-13.5) @ New York Giants
San Diego Chargers (-7.5) @ Oakland Raiders
Pittsburgh Steelers (+7.5) @ Baltimore Ravens
Green Bay Packers (-3.5) vs Detroit Lions
Miami Dolphins (+3) vs Cincinnati Bengals
Houston Texans (-3) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Last Week: 3-2-1

Overall: 56-40-5 (.579)

Make sure and check back here in the New Year, where I'll be rested and ready to release my rhetorical venom on all of sports and entertainment. The prodigal son WILL return! And you know!

Friday, December 21, 2007

Pimpin' Aint Easy, Unless You're Dating a Spears'

Lemme tell ya. It's been tough getting to work at 5 AM every day this week, but it's even tougher excepting all the accolades I've received since making my radio debut earlier this week. OK, so that second part was a stretch, but I figure if you're reading this, then you'll want to check me out today (Friday) 9-Noon on 99.7 FM and 790 AM. Or, if you're not in southeastern Mass or Rhode Island, feel free to take a listen at Gooooooooo Me!

Now that I've gotten my own gratuitous plug out of the way, there's a few things I'd like to blab about before I get to my weekly picks...

-It's been over a week since the Mitchell Report was made public, and we still haven't heard from the biggest name it contained, the Rocket Roger Clemens. I mean, technically, both he and his shill of a lawyer have made statements, but is that really the way an innocent guy would react? Pettitte already came clean and they were fingered by the same guy (pun intended). The longer he remains publicly silent, the more guilty he looks. And listen, I'm not saying this alleged rapist and roid peddler, Brian McNamee, isn't above suspicion when it comes to his testimony, but there's a lot of smoke here for their not to be fire. Come clean, Rog, and most fans will forgive and forget. Not me, mind you, but I don't really care about your fat ass anyway, so winning me over is gonna take a lot more than a few tears and a nice prepared statement. Maybe exiled Sox GM Dan Duquette was right about you Rocket. Maybe the only reason you didn't fade off into retirement when you were done with the Sox, was because you were on the "juice." Lookin' like a good call now, Dan, isn't it? You still don't get a pass on calling Jose Offerman the replacement for Mo Vaughn, but this is step in the right direction buddy....

-I have to give credit where credit is due, no matter how much I may have ripped a person in the past. In this case, I give props to Boston Celtics head coach, Glen Rivers. My biggest knock on "Doc" since the Big 3 have arrived has been that I don't think he's a good enough "in game" coach (X's and O's) to take this team over the top in the playoffs. Well, in a playoff type game on Wednesday night, Rivers drew up a great play to get Paul Pierce the ball in the final seconds, but the Truth simply missed the shot. He also made a key substitution late in Tony Allen, who came up with a huge steal late to keep the C's in contention. Sure, you can point to the fact that it was Allen's suspect D on Chauncey Billups in the final seconds that cost the Celts the game, but I can't see how you blame that on Doc. This isn't rec league ball. If you have to be told not to fall for an up-fake, or how to properly contest a shot in the final seconds, then there's not much any coach is gonna do at this point to change that. It was a bad play, by a good defender, but more importantly, it was a good move, by a bad coach. Let's see if you can keep it up Glen, because I promise if you do, those last second open shots are gonna be fallin' more often than not...

-Jonathan Papelbon is the owner of the ball that represented the final out in the '07 World Series. Well, what's left of it that is. Paps left the ball on his counter where his dog, Boss, got to it and tore it to shreds. No offense to Papelbon's intelligence (here comes an offensive comment), but I can't say I'm surprised in the least that this happened. Once a hillbilly, always a hillbilly. I love ya, Paps. I just don't think I'll be letting you borrow any of my shit anytime soon...

-Thanks to a unique balance of luck and skill, I find myself this week in the Championship game of my fantasy football league. I come into the game as a 24 point favorite according to the "projected points total," but I feel it's going to be a fierce, nip and tuck battle. I've already made out with more loot than I could have reasonably expected before the season started, but don't think for a minute I don't want to win. Screw the loot, man (lie). I want the one thing that only a Yahoo! Fantasy Sports league can give me, a tiny trophy for my Yahoo! Fantasy Sports profile. When I look at my personal fantasy history, I wanna see 2007 Champion, and a tiny golden piece of delicious justification right along side it. Let's do it for the hardware, boys! Let's win this one....for Rooch!...

Usually, I give you a nice little song and dance to go along with my picks, but seeing as time is an issue for me this week, I'm just getting down to brass tacks. I know, I know. You're craving my knowledge and advice, but I'm sorry, this is all I got for ya. Hey! You should be lucky you're getting anything at all, you freeloadin' bastards...

Week 16 Picks
New England Patriots (-21) vs Miami Dolphins
Buffalo Bills (+3) vs New York Giants
Jacksonville Jaguars (-13) vs Oakland Raiders
Philadelphia Eagles (+3) @ New Orleans Saints
Minnesota Vikings (-6.5) vs Washington Redskins

Monday Night
San Diego Chargers (-7.5) vs Denver Broncos

Last Week: 3-3-0

Overall: 53-38-4 (.579)

I have seriously been slackin' on my college hoops analysis so far this season, but I promise I'll pick up the pace...just not this week. Don't get it twisted, I've been watchin' a lot of games, but I just aint got the time to get as in depth as I'd like right now. As for the poll, there wasn't much change this week, but expect that to change as conference play approaches. Two games sure to alter the lineup are coming this Saturday with Georgetown @ Memphis and Texas @ Michigan St. Make sure to check those games out, and keep comin' back for the college hoops lowdown. I promise to stop slackin' om my pimpin'. You just gotta trust...

College Hoops Top 10
1. Memphis (9-0) 1
2. North Carolina (10-0) 2
3. Kansas (11-0) 3
4. Washington St. (9-0) 4
5. UCLA (10-1) 5
6. Georgetown (8-0) 6
7. Indiana (8-1) 7
8. Pittsburgh (11-0) NR
9. Texas (11-0) 8
10. Butler (10-1) 10

just missed: Marquette, Duke, Tennessee, Michigan St.

dropped: (9) Duke

Oh yea. 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears (named after her dad...seriously) is pregnant. Feel free to laugh as much as you'd like at the Spears family, and their freakishly white trash tendencies, as those ass backwards money hungry hicks deserve every last second of it. Apparently they agree, as the Spears' TV people are considering airing a show about the teen's pregnancy! Haven't these idiots learned anything from their older skank of a daughter? I got $20 says Jamie has triplets, and then makes millions when the tape of her gas station bathroom stall "conception" leaks it's way onto TMZ. I'm taking action at 3 to 1, and 7 to one that Joe Francis (Girls Gone Wild) or Rick Solomon (Paris Hilton, Shannon Dougherty, Pamela Anderson) are somehow behind it. God Bless the South for providing us Yankees with enough retards to keep our tabloid pages and cable boxes stuffed to the gils. Yeee hawwww, you crazy bastards, and keep it comin'...

Friday, December 14, 2007

Illegal Rocket Fuel

While snow continues to pound New England, the real storm hitting the nation this week was the long awaited Mitchell Report on steroids in Major League Baseball. The release of this report is a culmination of 21 months of research, and over $20 million of MLB money spent to determine the impact of performance enhancing drug use on the game. In short, Mitchell was put in place by commissioner, Bud Selig, to find out exactly how bad the drug problem was, who knew about it, and who stood by facilitated the use for their own personal gain. Make no mistake about it, this information did not need to be made public, rather Selig set it up so the information would be made public. It's not enough for him that he actually clean up the game, he needs to give the fans and the media evidence that he is fixing the problem. The only way to do that, is to give them names.

Now, what are we to make of these names? Well, I for one am not shocked by a single player I see on that list, nor would I expect any other reasonable fan to be shocked. The fact is, when steroid use in baseball was exposed by the likes of Jose Canseco and Ken Caminiti, everyone, from the clubhouse attendants, to the players, to the general managers and owners, were immediately guilty by association. You knew that if guys were juicin', then other guys new about it, and other guys were enabling them to do it without being exposed. We're all guilty. We all sat back and lapped up the McGwire/Sosa home run race. We all went to the stadiums, filled the seats, and bought the hot dogs we swore off after the '94 strike. When I say everyone is to blame, I do mean everyone. If the fans were so disgusted by what they saw on the field, they would have stopped watching, stopped going, and they didn't. That's where it all starts, and while I'm not saying we as fans should be held to the same standard, we also can't sit back and rip the league, when many of us knew that a lot of this could be going on. These names, are no more than "evidence" for George Mitchell to prove that he actually did some work. Judge for yourself if you think the job he did was worth while right here, with the full report. I've also added some condensed material courtesy of and

Full Mitchell Report:

Roger Clemens Section:

Complete List of Players:

*Funny names on list include: F.P Santangelo, Mo Vaughn, David Justice, Eric Gagne, Ron Villone, Nook Logan, Glenallen Hill, Chuck Knoblauch and Lenny Dykstra. Hey Mo, great publicity for your new car wash, eh buddy?

The immediate reaction to reading some of these names, especially Roger Clemens, is one of "well, what now?" Mitchell himself recommended that none of these players should be punished for their past discretion's, but I say dumping their names into this media circus is doing just that. Then, just when it seems Mitchell has passed the buck to Selig as far as retribution, Selig says there will be punishment, but that they will give it out based on a case by base basis. So, doesn't that suggest the possibility that nobody will be punished? OK, you gave me the names, but without an actual punishment already in place. What good did that do? My secondary reaction was, all the actual information Mitchell seems to have collected, either came from rats like former Yankee/Clemens/Pettitte trainer, Brian McNamee (who claims to have purchased and injected steroids into both Clemens and Pettitte), and former Mets clubhouse roid distributor, Kirk Radomski (who basically sold roids to anyone who was anyone in the pros over the past decade) or from Federal investigations involving current and former players (namely BALCO and the latest pharmacy bust in Albany). Both McNamee and Radomski are facing charges against them for roid peddling, and neither was under oath when giving information to Mitchell and his cronies, so how much stock can be taken in what they say? And if they can't be taken for their word, then what if anything did this report even prove? Another sketchy claim is the one against Baltimore Oriole, Brian Roberts, who got his name on the list because former roommate, Larry Bigby (also named in the report) told investigators that Roberts told him he had used steroids years before. You trying to tell me these sources would hold up in an actual court? You can't be serious. That doesn't mean these players aren't guilty, but to say this is the evidence that you gathered to prove it, and these canaries are your main witnesses, just doesn't make your case all that credible.

No matter, George Mitchell needed to produce names, so due process be damned, he's gonna drag these people through the mud. Wow, and I thought this thing was supposed to help give the game credibility, not make it look dirtier than a Mexican pay toilet.

So, now that we've got all these names, and Georgie Mitchell answered the $20 million question of "Is baseball dirty", with a resounding "Yes!", what do we do now? Do we punish players like Roger Clemens, Andy Pettitte and Miguel Tejada with the same asterisks we threaten Bonds with? Or do they get passes because they didn't cheat on their wives, and taxes while at the same time cheating the game, as Bonds did? Forget on the field punishment like suspensions, I want to know how these guys are going to be treated in the court of public opinion. Me? I'm gonna fry 'em up in the same pan that I've had Barroid simmerin' in for the past decade, and I expect the rest of you to do the same or risk being labeled a racist or hypocrite. Make no mistake, if these charges are true, then Roger Clemens is the new Barry Bonds, and is just as culpable as Barry Bonds. He was a superstar, 3 time Cy Young Award winner and sure fire Hall of Famer before he reportedly ever picked up the needle, much like Bonds. And it seems the only reason he did steroids was to gain continued popularity, much like many speculate were Barry's motives. If Barry's guilty, then so is Roger, plain and simple. Mind you, I don't see this report alone as enough to prove anyone guilty, but should it's finding's lead to more information on certain players, then I'll feel even more justified for piling it on. Again, to me, this report isn't about the names, but I'll be damned if I'll let a guy like Clemens turning out to be a roid head (something I've speculated for years) pass through my mind without taking some serious cracks at him. These guys come off as holier than thou, and for something like this to tarnish their image, well I say they brought a whole lot of it on themselves.

What we learned from the Mitchell report, is that baseball is dirty and needs to be scrubbed from top to bottom before any reasonable progress can be made. What we'll remember about the Mitchell report, is the names that were in it, and in it's aftermath, the struggle of those men to attempt and clear their names.

I'm glad this investigation was conducted, but I wish Bud Selig kept the list of the names to himself, at least to start. Releasing this "list" comes off as self serving and will only do to distract people from the actual problem, the corrupt sport itself. If you can't punish these players, then why bother listing their names? I mean, I guess if there were already names out there, then it's OK to list them, but if the list isn't all inclusive (as opposed to if there was a league wide test), then I don't really see the good in releasing it at all. But since it has been released, and the damage has been done, then we're simply left to comment on the aftermath. Are all the records tainted? Is the game itself still a cesspool for drugs and scandal? These are questions that are about to be answered a million times in the coming days, weeks, months and years. With the release of this report, baseball may have caused one it's darkest days, while at the same making way for a bright future, but we're years away from knowing if that is truly the case. For now, it's time to sit back, and count the bodies, because it's gonna be a long time before we have them all tagged, bagged, and sent off the "morgue" that is social oblivion...

(................large exhale....................)

Well, I figure since we're already talking about cheating, and undermining the game, I might as well start off my picks this week with the New York Jets against the New England Patriots. It seems like years ago now, but it was just earlier this year that the Jets and their sphincter of a coach, Eric Mangina, turned the Pats into the NFL for cheating. Now, on the eve of what many are predicting to be the biggest revenge beat down since we nuked the Japanese, the Patriots are flipping the script, and claiming they caught the Jets performing "illegal filming" last year, and didn't turn them in to the NFL. What's good for the goose, eh Mr. Hoodie? No matter, the real deal in this one is the weather. With second part of the season's first Noreaster expected to dump a nice wintry mix up through the start of the game, it not only limits the expected offensive output, but it pretty much eliminates the Jets chances to score. I've heard the theory about how bad weather is a great equalizer, and I think it applies here. Problem for the Jets, is they are such an inferior squad, that even a storm created by Zeus himself isn't gonna save them from Captain Tom and the 24 point spread. Three touchdowns for Tom Terrific, one for the defense, and the Pats creep by the number, 28-0. Just another footnote to a legendary campaign boys. Time to step aside and let the real men do, what the real men do...

Wanna keep talkin' roids? We can do that. In the 2005 NFL Draft, the San Diego Chargers picked Shawne Merriman in the 1st round (suspended roid user) and Luis Castillo in the 2nd round (had tested positive for roids before the draft). Sure, Merriman may be out this week with a non roid related injury, but I was reaching for a seg way, I got one, and now I can get to the game. I like the Chargers against the Lions this week because both teams are moving in completely opposite directions. Since their loss to Kansas City in week 4, San Diego has gone 7-2, with their only losses @ Jacksonville and @ Minnesota. Detroit, meanwhile, has apparently run out of Jon Kitna's Jesus power, and are currently mired in a 5 game losing streak. Tack on the fact that the Lions are coming in fresh off a come-from-ahead tank job against the Cowboys, which probably all but ended any sort of play off chances they had, along with taking any lingering wind from their sails. We all saw this coming with Detroit, so I figure we might as well cash in on watching it happen. Look for LT to have a big week for both my fantasy team, and his actual team, and look for the Bolts to roll.

In the next game, I'm jumpin' back on the bandwagon, and takin' the Colts in a big way over the Raiders. Easily explained: The Colts seem to be back to playing like the Colts after their defiling of Baltimore last Sunday night, and the Raiders are going into the game with the plan to switch QB's on and off. Yeah, I can't say I like your chances, Raider nation. Jamarcus Russell might be the future, but for now, he just isn't ready for a defense like the Colts, and when he's in expect Indy to get at him and force a few turnovers. Don't look now, but Marvin Harrison is getting healthy, and the Colts are on a roll...

Now, if you told me at the start of the season that I would be picking the Browns/Bills game, I would have told you I must have been violating one of my cardinal rules when it comes to picking games. "Don't pick a winner in a game between two teams that suck" Well, to the surprise of nearly everyone, not only do these teams NOT suck, but they're both right in the hunt for one of the final AFC play off spots with only 3 weeks to go. The reason this game attracted me, is the fact that the Bills are the only team in the game with a serviceable defense, and they are getting nearly a touchdown. I know they are usually offensively inept, but I think Trent Edwards improved play, along with the return of Marshawn Lynch, should be just enough to keep pace with Derek Anderson and the Browns offense. Not totally buying the fact that Buffalo can win this thing, but I think it's a coin flip, with a high certainty that it will be close at the very least. Take the Bills at 6, but no lower than 4.5.....You know, just in case I'm scary right, and they lose by 5 on a last second TD...

With my final pick of this roid fueled week, I'm throwing all my chips in with David Garrard, MJD, Fred Taylor and the Jacksonville Jaguars. This pick is driven by two major emotions I feel. First, seeing as Garrard is my new fantasy quarterback, I want him to do as well as possible in this my semifinal weekend. Secondly, I hate the Steelers, and there's nothing I'd like to see more than watching Shittsburgh fall flat on their face a week after getting embarrassed by the Patriots. A few weeks ago, I would have had the Steelers above the Jags in the AFC power structure, but I think this game will go a long way towards proving who's playing better as the season winds down....

Week 15 Picks
New England Patriots (-23) vs New York Jets
San Diego Chargers (-10) vs Detroit Lions
Buffalo Bills (+6) @ Cleveland Browns
Indianapolis Colts (-10) @ Oakland Raiders
Jacksonville Jaguars (+4) @ Pittsburgh Steelers

Monday Night
Minnesota Vikings (-10) vs Chicago Bears

*Kyle Orton is going to be the starting QB for the Bears on Monday Night. That should be enough of an explanation of my pick...

Last Week: 3-4-0

Overall: 50-35-4 (.584)

It's beginning to become redundant, but I really haven't watched nearly enough college hoops for my liking so far this season, so I don't know how qualified any of my analysis really is. That being said, just one look at Gus Johnson, and I can't helped be excited for college hoops again. Woooo Eeeeee! Here's my updated top 10, with the same ten squads as last week. We're getting close to conference play, so expect some wild changes, but for now the ship is steady as she goes...

College Hoops Top 10
1. Memphis (7-0) 1
2. North Carolina (8-0) 2
3. Kansas (9-0) 3
4. Washington St. (9-0) 4
5. UCLA (8-1) 5
6. Georgetown (6-0) 6
7. Indiana (8-1) 8
8. Texas (9-0) 9
9. Duke (9-0) 10
10. Butler (8-1) 7

just missed: Marquette, Oregon, Tennessee, Xavier

dropped: none

As promised, I'm bringin' you at least one team each week that I will spotlight as a potential March Madness "sleeper" team. Don't be caught unprepared when it's time to fill out those brackets, people!

Holy Cross Crusaders (7-1) Patriot League
*When you're stuck in a weak conference, you have two options. Run out and play a bunch of high ranked teams in the pre season, much like Davidson (3-5), or go soft and build your team with sites set on winning your conference, like Holy Cross. When your biggest non conference wins are Hofstra, Fairfield and @ St. Josephs, you sure as Hades better win your conference if you want a shot at dancin', and that's what the Crusaders are aimin' to do. Led by 6'11" senior center, Tim Clifford (14.9 ppg / 5.0 rpg), the defending America East champs look to repeat, and better their first round knockout in last year's Big Dance, courtesy of Southern Illinois.

Finally, in what I'm deeming the most appropriate news story of the week, we have Paris Hilton doing an ad campaign in the nude for "champagne in a can". Something classy, made to look like something cheap. What an advertising match made in heaven. Oh well, at least she's pretty much naked. Wait, I've already seen her having sex on film...multiple times. Hell, toss me a 6 pack of champagne. I figure I'm gonna need at least that to get my mind of all this steroid talk...

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Brady, Mayweather, and a Cattle Prod

Personally, as a New England Patriots fan, I can't remember a more satisfying victory than the beat down this weekend on the Shattsburgh Steelers. Pittsburgh was supposed to be the team to give the Pats a good run, and coming off two close wins, the Pats looked as ripe for the picking as ever. Then, in steps Anthony Smith, his big mouth, and his "guarantee." In hindsight, that moment was where the game went from in doubt, to a sure fire smack down. Still think Brady and the Pats don't use off the field stuff as motivation? Well think again. Smith, who Belichick went out of his way to rip in his post game presser, had a bulls eye on his back all day long and was even victim of perhaps the greatest single play I've ever seen the Pats pull off.

You know the play I'm talkin' about. Brady drops back, laterals to Moss, who drops the ball, picks it up, laterals back to Brady, who rares back and throws the ball 63 yards in the air, over the head of Anthony Smith, and right into the arms of Jabar Gaffney. WOW, what a freaking play. Then, to make it even sweeter, Tom "all business" Brady, made his way down field to purposely shout some expletives in Smith's face, and rub in the fact that Pittsburgh was getting their ass beat. Game. Set. Match. That touchdown made the score 24-13 early in the 3rd quarter, but for all intents and purposes, the game ended right then and there with a swift kick right to the gut. Anthony Smith had been exposed for the 2nd time, New England was now 2 scores ahead, and the game that was supposed to be their "biggest test," turned into yet another speed bump on the romp to legendary perfection.

Now, in case you missed it, there was quite the incident at Gillette stadium while the teams were on the field practicing before the game. Circling above the field, was a small plane, draggin' behind it a banner that read "Bonds -- 765*, Belichick 3 Super Bowl Wins*." Turns out, the plane was owned or rented by a New York businessman, and the only reasoning could be that he/she was looking to embarrass Billy and the Pats before their big show down with the Steelers. Well, nice try and I hope it didn't set you back too many lootros, because the tactic was about as successful as Anthony Smith is a good safety. Jealousy man, it really brings out the worst in people. All the posers out there need to take a note from TI when he says "you can hate if you want to, but you're just wastin' your time." OK, so maybe that was too good of English to be TI, but you got my point. After all, a hater is just a loser with a decent excuse, right?

Next Week vs New York Jets (3-10)

I can't wait to watch Belichick and Brady try to score as many points as humanly possible against Eric "the Rat" Mangini and the New York Jets. The spread opened at 24, and something tells me it's only going up! This is gonna be saawweeeeeeeeeet! Time to meet your maker, you fat, Soprano guest starring, non-genius, round, round rat of man...

News and Notes
*In his freshmen year, he helped lead his team to a National title. In his sophomore year, Florida QB Tim Tebow became the first player ever to throw and run for 20 touchdowns, totalling a mind boggling 59. Now, he can call himself the lone underclassmen to ever win the prestigious Heisman Trophy. A lot of people hate on Tebow because he's basically a glorified running back put in a great position to succeed by the system he's in, but I say if that's the case, then he still deserves the award. It might sound silly now, but I was pissed when Rex Grossman lost out to Eric Crouch as a sophomore in 2001, when it appeared obvious that the only reason he lost was because of his age. At least this time the voters got it right, and gave the Gator the hardware. Now, he has a chance to do what both Jason White and Matt Leinhart failed to do in recent memory, and that's win it a second time, something that only Ohio St.'s Archie Griffin has been able to pull off. You know Archie. He coined the phrase "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog." Oh, and speaking of dog fights....

*In case you have been under a rock (or perhaps smoking one), you've heard by now that notorious dog fighter, Mikey Vick, has been sentenced to a maximum of 23 months in prison. It was less than half the 5 year maximum sentence that could have been levied down, but combined with the suspension that most think is coming from the NFL following his release, this sentence should all but end the professional football career of one of the league's brightest stars. Let this be a lesson to us all. When you feel like the best thing you can do on any given day is gamble on two dogs trying to kill themselves, know that it might be the last thing you do before a guy named Leslie tries to make your "exit" an "entrance" for his "little elephant." See you in a few years Mikey, and make sure you let us know the rules about conjugal visits in Federal "Pound You in the ASS" Prison.

*In "legal" fighting news, I'm glad to say I was fortunate enough to witness the Floyd Mayweather Jr./Ricky Hatton fight this weekend, and let me tell you, it was fan-tastic! I said before the fight that in an ideal world, I would like to see a hard fought battle that ended in a late round with a knock out. Then, a friend of mine who is always wrong, but thinks he's always right (we all know that guy, right?), said that fights in this weight class never end in knockouts. Now, I then mentioned that the two fighters had combined for 55 KO's in only 81 combined fights, but that did little to deter this tard from his great prediction. Well, thankfully for me, the fight did end in a knockout in the 10th round for Mayweather, and it was a great fight to watch. It's not nearly often enough that a great fight occurs, and even less frequently that I get to see one, so I was glad that on a night I was able to actually watch a fight, I got to witness a great show. Too bad it's gonna be way too long till another fight worth watching comes along, but that's boxing for ya....Oh, and the dude who knew so much about boxing, never saw a single second of the fight...all talk, baby...all talk....

*Just when you think the Knicks have proven once and for all that they have the dumbest management in all of sports, they go and reinforce that point even more. No, I'm not talking about their settlement of $11.5 million yesterday with Isiah Thomas accuser, Anuka Brown Sanders, I'm talking about the statement made by owner James Dolan. In a time of turmoil probably never before seen in the Big Apple, Dolan came out and told the media that Isiah Thomas was secure in his position as the team's head coach. See, this is their problem right here. Why even say something like this? Thomas has had little to no success on the court, and has done nothing but create problems off it. I'm not saying you have to fire him on the spot (but most of us would), but why come out and say that his job is safe? You're either setting yourself to look like a liar when you fire him, or you're telling your fans that you're about a good a judge of character as you are an owner. I don't know what it is, but Isiah Thomas just has something about him that makes people like him. There's really nothing else to explain why he still has this job, and why he even got this job in the first place after previous disastrous tours as a coach and GM. Maybe he's got naked pictures of commissioner David Stern with nipple clamps on, or maybe he just is the most charismatic person in the world and just chooses not to act like one when he's on TV. Whatever it is, it boggles my mind how this guy has a job, and it seems like almost a miracle that Dolan has been able to keep this team from simply disappearing in the last few years....

*And just so people don't accuse me of ignoring the Red Sox during baseball's off season, here are a few nibblets for ya'll to chew on....

-Many Red Sox fans are up in arms over the fact that phenom Jacoby Ellsbury, and his new agent Scott Boras, charged $125 for an autograph at a recent signing in North Attleboro. Oh, and you can't bring your own items to be signed, you have to purchase your items at the location, with the cheapest one being listed at $25. Hey, man. If you're gonna go around bragging about the fact that you get this guy for such little money for the next few seasons, don't be surprised if he's gonna do some shit like this...

-Of course Curt Schilling chimed in with his thoughts on sports memorabilia, and of course he had all the right answers. Personally, he mostly does signings where the proceeds go to help support his ALS or SHADE charities. Then again, Curt, you make millions of dollars a year, and have for the last decade. Jacoby needs the loot, man. There's a big difference. I wish we could go back in time and ask the rookie Curt Schilling his thoughts on trying to make as much money as you can when your actual salary is so low. Why don't you just go and support your butt buddy McCain, and leave "not-so" poor Jacoby alone...

-All is relatively quiet on the Johan Santana trade talks, and that's the very reason I expect him to be dealt sooner rather than later. I don't have any real info on the deal, but these big deals always seem to come out of nowhere when it comes to Theo Epstein and the Sox front office.

-And lastly, Red Sox Nation need not worry about Eric Gas-can coming out of the bully next season, because he's officially a Brewer. That's right. For some reason, the Brew Crew thought it would be a good idea to give a guy that had a 6.75 ERA with the Sox last season a one year contract worth in the neighborhood of $10 mil. If you ask me, that neighborhood is way too ritzy for French Canadians who throw meat over a plate, but what do I know? We were glad he arrived, but now we're even happier he's gone. C'est La Vie, you stinky, French bastard, and don't let the World Series trophy you had no part in winning hit you on the way out...

My Picks
Last Week: 3-4-0

Overall: 49-35-4 (.580)

*At this point of the season, there really should be no excuse for a week like this, but I'm gonna make one anyway. It's not my fault the Rams decided to start Brock Berlin and their defense decided to show up against the Bengals. And it's not my fault that Kurt Warner decided to throw 5 picks along with his 3 TDs to help give the Seahawks a big win over the Cardinals. There, I feel a lot better now. I promise next week I'll pick games in which I have more control over the participants...or at least games in which I think that's the case...

Fantasy Update
Last Week: Make It Reign! 89 Sean Mysterio Jr. 74

Next Week: Semifinals vs Team Papes (9-3-1)

*After a long season full of twists and turns, I am one of 4 teams left, and 3 of us will get PAID! Not too pumped about having to face Brady this week when he plays the Jets, but seeing as the team I'm going up against has little else besides Brady, I still don't hate my chances. LT finally burst out of his shell to give me a performance I badly needed, and since TO and Dallas Clark had such quiet games this weekend, I can only hope that they will blow up next week and provide a much needed boost. David Garrard continues to impress as my savior at QB, and if I'm to advance, he and Brian Westbrook are going to need to keep up with the steady performances. It's been a long and exciting season, but it all comes down to the next two weeks. Wish me luck, gangstas! I'm gonna need it!

*As great as both the Pats game and the Mayweather fight were, the best thing I did this weekend was go to see the Coen Brothers new movie, No Country For Old Men. Based on the novel by American author Cormac McCarthy, it stars Josh Brolin, Tommy Lee Jones and Javier Bardiem (above) in a tale of a drug deal gone wrong, or more to the root of the movie, a simple study of "fate." Without giving away too much of the film, the characters are amazing, the dialogue mesmerizing, and Bardiem deserves to be recognized as one of the scariest villains in modern movie history. He's cold hearted, funny, and he kills people with a cattle prod. What could be cooler than that? Not to sound all high and mighty, but if you like movies that aren't "easy to like," then go see this one. What I mean is, if you're ready to watch a movie as if you're reading a book, then this is the flick for you. The tension cuts like a knife, and it's dripping with all the regular Coen Brothers nuances and dark humor. A must see that I give a 9 out f 10. For reference, the only movies I've ever given a "10" to that I can remember, are the Godfather II, and The Usual Suspects. Now go see it already!

Friday, December 07, 2007

Who the Hell is Anthony Smith??

It's finally here. Pittsburgh/New England. Steelers/Pats. The game all the nay-sayers have been pointing to as the best chance for the Pats to lose, and the game all Pats fans are pointing to as the final road block to a perfect regular season. The number one pass defense in the league, against the best passing attack since the Rams' "Greatest Show on Turf." No need to build this one up any more, right? Well, that is unless your Steeler safety, Anthony Smith. Earlier this week, Smith came out and guaranteed a Steeler victory this week, saying that he had made similar remarks in the past and was "used to winning" big games. Really? You're used to winning big games, huh? Well call me ig-nant, but I can't remember you playing in a single "big game" while going 17-30 as a player at Syracuse, nor do I really recall you playing any sort of crucial role in your 28 career NFL starts. I'm not against opposing players trying to get the Pats all riled up, but for a role player like Smith to do so, and to make it sound as if he's done this a million times, just looks foolish. I was close to not taking the Pats this week, but seeing as I hate the Steelers, and this dumb ass has provided a little bulletin board material, I feel perfectly comfortable taking my boys, and the 10 points.

Next up, I'm taking the emerging Jacksonville Jaguars against the QB-less Carolina Panthers. I know what you're thinking, "How can you call the Jags 'emerging' when they are coming off a loss?" Well, if you watched the game against the Colts last weekend, then you have a good idea of what I mean. David Garrard (on my fantasy team) has been near perfect since his return from injury, and I expect much of the same this week against a Panther team that has very little play for. Look for Maurice Jones Drew (or MJD as his homies call him) and Fred Taylor to run wild over the once feared Carolina D and control the clock until the game is out of reach. Vinnie Testaverde is too old, and the Jags too focused, for this one to go any other way. Then again, the Panthers do play in the NFC South....Screw it. Jags roll...

With my next pick, I'm going against one of my own "Cardinal" rules, and that's picking against the Seahawks at home. No, it's not because they are playing the "Cardinals" (puns everywhere!), it's just because I don't totally buy that Seattle is good enough to beat anyone by the 7 points they are being fronted against Arizona. Arizona has already beaten Seattle this season, and despite the fact that it was like 2 months ago that they did so, I like that experience to keep the Zona boys in the game this time around. Warner, Leinhart, it doesn't really matter to me. It's strictly a gut feeling and an awkward hatred for Mike Holmgren and Matt Hasselback that's forcing my hand in this one. Somethin' about guys that look like Grimace and losers that sell soup just gets under my skin. Call me sensitive...

While my next pick does reflect slightly on my Fantasy Football hopes for this weekend, it's not without some factual basis as well. For my upcoming first round match up, I felt I needed a new kicker to spice things up, so I decided on Tampa Bay's, Matt Bryant to get the job done. Bryant and the Bucs are traveling this weekend to play a Houston Texan team that will be trotting out the legendary Sage Rosenfels at quarterback, and I have to say I love Tampa's chances. Rosenfels aside, the Texan defense is giving up close to 25 points a game, and their biggest weapon, WR Andrew Johnson, will have to match up against All Pro Ronde Barber (you know, the one that isn't a gay mouthpiece for morning TV) and that vaunted Tampa-2 defense. Houston was a good story at the start of the season. but at this point they're just runnin' on fumes. Can't name 5 Buccaneers? Don't sweat it! They still got this one by 10+ points...

And my final game of the week finds the Minnesota Vikings looking to kick the hapless 49ers right in the teeth, and send the 9ers/Patriots jetting towards the top of the 2008 draft. With every 49er loss, the Pats look to stick it to the NFL for docking them their own first round pick because of "spygate," and I really like the Vikes chances of helping them out. Like I said last week, the Vikings are great at dominating both sides of the line of scrimmage, and that should prove far too much for San Fran to handle. Look for rookie of the year front runner, Adrian Peterson, to run wild, and look for this one to never be close. Hope on the Love Boat, kids. Vikes in a blowout...

Bonus Alert: I've hit on all my over/unders this year (kiss of death right there), and I feel this one is as good a lock as any of them. St. Louis is traveling to Cincy this weekend, and the fact that these defenses are giving up a combined 52+ points a game gives me more than enough reason to take the over. It doesn't hurt that the St. Louis offense is "healthier" than it has been all season, and has averaged more than 25 points per game in their last 4 games either.

Week 14 Picks
New England Patriots (-10) vs Pittsburgh Steelers
Jacksonville Jaguars (-10.5) vs Carolina Panthers
Arizona Cardinals (+7.5) @ Seattle Seahawks
Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3) @ Houston Texans
Minnesota Vikings (-8.5) @ San Fransisco 49ers

St. Louis Rams @ Cincinnati Bengals OVER 47

Monday Night
Atlanta Falcons (+5) vs New Orleans Saints

*Last week, my backwards logic helped me pick the winner in an NFC South game, so I'm goin' with it again. I think New Orleans is better, and I just know Reggie Bush is gonna do his best to spoil my fantasy playoff run with a big Monday night, but those are the exact reasons I'm takin' the Dirty Dog Fighters. It's the NFC South. Up is down. Black is white. And bad is good. Atlanta takes one last death gasp before the end of the season, and the Saints go marching towards an off season full of "what the Hell happened's"....

Last Week:

46-31-4 (.593)

Now, on to college hoops. It's been over a week since my last poll, but very little has changed. Powerhouse teams like UNC, Kansas and UCLA are starting to round into form, while up top 10 newcomers like Washington St. and Butler are trying to prove that they belong. For one, the Washington State Cougars have been very impressive in the early going, forcing me to temporarily halt my hatred for everything Pac 10. Here's a look at the rest of of my rankings, where Calipari and the Memphis Tigers still reign supreme...

College Hoops Top 10
1. Memphis (7-0) 1
2. North Carolina (8-0) 2
3. Kansas (8-0) 3
4. Washington St. (8-0) 4
5. UCLA (7-1) 5
6. Georgetown (6-0) 6
7. Butler (9-0) 9
8. Indiana (7-1) 8
9. Texas (8-0) NR
10. Duke (8-0) NR

just missed: Oregon, Tennessee, Louisville, Marquette

dropped: (7) Southern Illinois; (10) USC

*Tell me if this is weird or what. Both Southern Illinois and USC narrowly fell out of my top 10 this week after losses, and both narrowly fell out of the national top 25 polls this week as well. The difference between me and those other polls? I don't try to kid myself by saying just because teams like Clemson, Michigan St. and Pittsburgh are winning and are usually good, that they somehow deserve to be ranked in the top 25. Games this early in the season do little to tell us how good a team is this season, and is usually more a reflection on how good they may have been at the end of last season and during the summer. Trust me, when all the shots have been fired, and all the battles fought, it will be my top teams that are left standing, while these other top 25 FRAUDS will be stuck in the basement of their respective conferences. Perfect example. Check this excerpt from's Power 16 Poll, in which the UCLA Bruins fell from 1 to 7 after their loss at home to Texas.

I don't know anyone who thinks UCLA is only the seventh-best team in the country, but such are the vagaries of polling. If D.J. Augustin's shot/pass/heave is six inches in any other direction, the Bruins would still be No. 1.

See. By "vagaries of polling," they mean, "old guys who feel the need to drop teams simply because they lose." That's just the way the world works, I guess, it's just not the way I chose to go about things. As for the actual ball being played on the court, Memphis is still far and away the most talented team I've seen this season, and I'm still waiting for something to tell me otherwise, but here are a few "sleeper" teams to keep an eye on while we make the mad dash toward March...

Providence College Friars (5-3)
*PC has been plagued by two things the past several years under coach Tim Welsh. 1) underachievement and 2) inconsistency. Providence can never seem to beat the team's they should on a regular basis, while at the same time never being able to push themselves over the top for big wins against top notch opponents. Sure, it's tough playing in the Big East, but with returning stars like Geoff McDermott, Weyinmi Efejuku (Way-Me F-eh-jew-koo), and Brian McKenzie, it's probably this year or bust for Timmy and the Friars. If they can dance their way into the big tourney this year, you'll have to like their chances with good guard play, tough 2-3 zone defense, and a great swing player like the 6'8" McDermott that can help glue it all together.....oh....and the day after I wrote this, Providence promptly went out and pulled a...well...Providence. Fell behind big to South Carolina, came storming back, and lost in the final minutes on some Efejuku missed free throws. Way to go fellas...

Rhode Island Rams (9-1)
*OK, so maybe the first two sleeper teams reside within 40 minutes of my house, but that doesn't mean I'm playing favorites. Head coach Jim Baron has a team led by his son, Jimmy, pointed towards an Atlantic 10 title and a "likely" NCAA birth. Little Baron, along with senior forward Will Daniels, are combining for over 33 points per game and shooting better than 37% combined from downtown.

Check back next week for more picks, and updates on other college hoops teams. Maybe even a few teams that don't play their home games in Rhode Island....

Oh, and if the Pats actually needed motivation to win this week or from here on out, I give you the main reason they need to go undefeated. To shut up former Miami Coke Head/'72 Dolphin, Mercury Morris, and his freakin' mouth. There's a reason we hadn't heard from your dumb ass in the last 30+ years, and if New England keeps winning, it better be another 30 before we hear it. And then it better only be when the Miami Dade police pull you're beaten corpse from the Everglades after a run in with Michael Irvin and his "cousin." We're comin', Merc. And we're bringin' Hell with us!!!!!

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

BCS Mess and Cookin' with the Coach

Leave it to the Washington Redskins to screw up something as simple as a tribute to a fallen teammate. In an attempt to honor their murdered comrade, Sean Taylor, head coach Joe Gibbs and the Washington Redskins decided that they would play the first snap of the game with only 10 players on the field instead of the normal 11. Only problem was, they never informed the Bills, who then ran the ball up the middle for a first down. Nice try, Joe, but it only works when you tell the other team. Kinda like, calling two timeouts in a row only works when you...well...OK well that never works and it cost your team the game, but you see where I'm goin,' right? Damn, man, just go back to NASCAR. First, you just aren't a great coach anymore. Second, you managed to screw up Sean Taylor's "day" in every way possible. I'm just surprised you didn't somehow splice a clip of you shouting racial epithets at Taylor into the memorial video shown on the jumbo tron before the game. Truly embarrassing, yet at the same time, truly Washington. You deserved a better sendoff than that, Sean, and I can only hope you were doing something better than watching that game on Sunday afternoon. I heard Heaven has ski ball!

Patriots Update
Overall: 12-0, 2007 AFC East Champions

Last Week: New England Patriots 27 Baltimore Ravens 34

As a spoiled Patriots fan, my one complaint all season has been the lack of close, entertaining games. Well, after last night's near loss to the Ravens, I can safely say that's no longer a concern. Wooooooo! What a game. What a game. WHAT A GAME! And while there really is nothing better than having your team win a close and exciting game, the close call did show that for the second consecutive week, the Patriots are showing signs of vulnerability. Willis McGahee ripped them for 138 yards on 30 carries (4.6 ypc), and while Kyle Boller wasn't exceptional, he was able to make key throws against the Pats secondary to keep drives alive and run the clock. You can't point to the losses of Roosevelt Colvin and Eugene Wislon, or you can maybe point to the fact that this defense isn't as good as it was earlier in the season, or was maybe never as good as we thought period. No matter your thoughts on that, the reason this team has seemed destined for greatness this year has been it's dynamic offense, and even that has shown some serious flaws these past weeks against aggressive, blitzing defenses. Matt Light was made to look a bitch again last night in the face of quick defensive ends and outside backers, so Tom Brady was constantly under pressure (3 sacks) and unable to make great reads down field. For the second week in a row, Randy Moss was held in check (60 yards, TD), or as "in check" as he can be held, and Benjamin Watson continued to prove that the only thing he's consistent at, is being inconsistent with a big TD drop in the end zone early in the game. I get the fact that every team the Patriots face from here on out are going to play like it's their Super Bowl, and that's why I feel the Pats need to step it up, especially on the offensive line. They were so tough early in the season because Brady was getting all the time in the world to pick apart defenses with his weapons. Now, after being sacked 6 times in the last 2 games, Brady can't sit back nearly as long, and is being forced to rush a lot of throws, or settle for lesser options. Think about it, you've probably seen punter Chris Hanson the last two weeks more than you've seen him catching pedophiles as host of To Catch a Predator (Speaking of...After that wink to Rodney Harrison, someone might want to check Brian Billick's hard drive. Just a thought).

For New England to go back to blowing people out, that's the key. Give Brady time, and he will deliver, just as he did in the final drive last night. Which oh by the way, hate to break it to ya, wasn't a touchdown. By rule he didn't catch it, but also by replay rule, there wasn't enough information to overturn it. Gotta love the rules, right? Not to mention the timeout called by defensive co-ordinator, Rex Ryan (only the head coach or a player on the field are allowed by the rules to call timeout by the way) on a play that the Ravens stopped Tom Brady on a 4th and 1. Or even the next play, where the Pats were stuffed again, only to get another shot because of a Stephen Neal false start penalty. Talk about having a few go your way in the clutch. I can see why some Baltimore fans would be clamoring for an investigation into a conspiracy, but it was just bad luck for them, and great luck for the still undefeated Patriots. However, if they want to win this weekend, they're gonna need to play a lot better than they have, or all the breaks in the world might not save them...

Next Week vs Pittsburgh Steelers (9-3)

I still don't think the Steelers have a shot, but then again I thought Baltimore was dead to rites too so you never know. Willie Parker and the Steeler o-line have watched Brian Westbrook and Willis McGahee run rough shot on the Pats D the last 2 weeks, so you have to expect they plan on doing the same thing. They have the 3rd best rushing attack in the NFL at 138.3 yards per game, which attacks a definite Patriot weakness. And they rank #1 in the NFL in pass defense, attacking the Patriot's number one strength. A perfect storm perhaps? Eh, not so much. Pittsburgh is still only 2-3 on the road, and really haven't been too impressive in their last 3 (2-1) against Miami, the Jets and Cincinnati. They definitely have the talent and the match ups to give the Hoodie and friends a good fight, but you have to like the New England's chances at Gillette in a playoff type atmosphere.

News and Notes
*Well, things seem to be really heating up in the Johan Santana sweepstakes as baseball begins their Winter meetings in Nashville, Tennessee. The Yankees imposed a Monday deadline for dealing with the Twins, which has come and gone, and now Boston seems poised to snag the 2 time Cy Young winner. Reports are that the Twins are deciding on which Red Sox package they want to take, either the one with Ellsbury or the one with Lester. This story is really boiling right now, so getting into too much might be a little pointless before there is more info, but it's good to see that the Sox are still trying to add Santana to an already formidable rotation, and keep the momentum they just got with their championship. As for the Yanks, what is Hank Steinbrenner's deal with deadlines? Right, we believe you, you won't go after Santana anymore. Oh, and you're not gonna negotiate with A-Rod either, right? If George were dead, he'd be spinning in his grave. What kind of spineless tactics are these? You're the Yankees, man. Freaking act like it. People need you, you don't need them! Hahaha. Have fun with Phil Hughes, while we're Philling our trophy cases with multiple World Series trophies! Muuuuahahahahaa

*At this point, I feel like I'm wasting my breathe, but as a responsible journalist I feel it's my obligation to bitch and moan about the BCS. After a wild final weekend to the season, which saw newly crowned #1 Missouri lose to Oklahoma for the 2nd time, and #2 West Virginia fall to un-ranked Shittsburgh, the pollsters and the BCS committee had a real mess on their hands. When all the work was done, they decided that new #1 Ohio St. would face off with the best 2-loss team, LSU, in the National Championship game. Now, setting aside the fact that Ohio St. is a huge FRAUD, and that any poser conference that doesn't even have it's own title game (Pac 10 & Big 10) doesn't deserve a shot at the National title, and focus on the fact that this is the worst system that major sports has ever seen to determine a champ. According to BCS protocol, we know the following things to be true. 1) All teams finishing in the top 15 in the BCS are eligible to be in a BCS Bowl game and 2) Each conference can only have a maximum of 2 teams in BCS bowls. Other than that, it is up to the discretion of the BCS selection committee to match up teams they think should be playing in these games, or supposedly, the best 8 teams in the country.

OK, so 1 and 2 fall into place. You can argue about Ohio St., who beat absolutely nobody this season, but like I said that's so not even the real issue. The Rose Bowl, has USC vs Illinois. USC is one of the hottest teams in the nation, so no beef there, but if Ohio St. doesn't deserve a shot at the title, then how the Hell does Illinois, the #13 team in the BCS jump all the way into the Rose Bowl?! Oh wait, I know. It's politics as usual. The Rose Bowl wants a Pac 10 vs Big 10 match up, and decided to take Illinois, the next best Big 10 team, over higher ranked squads like #6 Missouri, #11 Arizona St. and #12 Florida. First, your poll tells me those teams are better than Illinois, but then your selection committee tries to say Illinois is more worthy? What the fuck is going on here!? Don't look me in the eye, and tell me any team coached by Ron Zook (pictured above) has any chance in Hell of winning a big time bowl game. Should you try and do that, sir, I will call you a liar! We know he can recruit, but his team has no right to be in that game, if not for the simple fact that had they not been chosen, nobody would have thought it was the least bit odd at all! Missouri has the biggest beef of all. Not only were they #6 in the final poll and not get into a BCS game, but the Kansas team they just beat two weeks ago, and #8 in the poll, is heading to the Orange Bowl to face Virginia Tech! What a freakin' hose job!

I know there isn't a perfect system out there, but I also know that an 8 team playoff is always going to be less controversial, and turn out the right champion, more often than not. I seem to say this every year, but after this season, I see more need for a playoff than ever. What it comes down to, as always, is money. All the bowl committees and the NCAA need to sit down and figure this shit out, and the sooner they do it the better. There has to be a way for all these bowls to keep their games and for a playoff to occur at the same time. At the very least, have this new BCS Championship game be a +1 game, where 4 teams basically play a national semifinal before getting to the title game. Just give me something! Maybe it's good that the shit has hit the fan so they are forced to re-evaluate their system, but seeing as this isn't the first time the BCS has been shrouded in controversy, I don't necessarily see them making a change, no matter the uproar. It's just a shame man. I'm not naive, but letting money get in the way of this, when there will still be plenty to go around when all is said and done, is just stubborn and arrogant...

*Don't look now, Eli and Peyton, but here come the McCown boys! Not quite the Manning's, but not quite the Leaf's (or would it be Leaves?), brothers Josh and Luke McCown put on quite a show this weekend. Little brother Luke, 26, led his Tampa Bay Bucs to a win by going 29-37 for 313 yards, 2 TDs and a pick, while big bro Josh, 28, threw for 141 yards and 3 TDs for Oakland in a win before giving way to JaMarcus Russell. Good work, McCown boys. And to think, they didn't even need their dad pulling power moves at the draft, or starring with them in soup commercials to get it done. Simply amazing...

*You know, maybe this isn't actually a "story", but whenever I can point out that I'm right, I like to take that opportunity. Does anyone here remember the ESPN phone that came out in the last year or so? You know, the phone that, in the age of Blackberry's, PDA's and Smart Phones, offered you access to....wait for it....ESPN! Woo Hoo! It's ESPN, and it's a phone! Sorry, but I just never understood why anyone would want an inferior phone with access to the Intraweb, when there are so many better devices out there that would give you ESPN online and oodles of other delicious features. All I know is, I never see ads for it anywhere, I never see anybody with one, and I'm glad for once that a nation full of idiot consumers, refused to be fooled. Kudos to you, America. Way to hold strong!

*This isn't a real story either, but it is another real shot at ESPN. Mike Greenberg, while a decent journalist and above par SportsCenter guy, has got to be the biggest tool on the planet we call earth. I got this guy pegged like you wouldn't believe. He was a huge loser in high school, but now that he has access to all sorts of cool "jocks" and movie stars (drama kids?), he pretends like he's a cool guy, trying to play off the fact that he's still a nerd. You follow me? It's like, he thinks he's the man, because he's a metrosexual nerd that wears hemp necklaces and has the physical stature of a Twizzler. Maybe it's just me, but I can't stand the guy. His shtick is old, it was never that funny, and I'd really love to see someone more worthwhile carrying that morning show on ESPN. It's a popular show, so I'm probably in the minority, but the reason I have a blog is so I can bitch about this shit. So there it is...

*And in traditional MLB fashion, George Mitchell's Report on Steroids won't be released until "before Christmas." First it was November. Then it was the start of December. Now, it's yet another "non-deadline," described as some time in the next 3 weeks. What's the matter, George? You've had plenty of time to leak all these names you allegedly have, yet you still keep pushing the date back? What's your deal? Now, when names do surface before your report is out, you're gonna look like an even bigger tard, man. We know you have the names, we know MLB is having you hold them back until after the "hot stove" trade season is over, so please stop trying to play us like fools! This is just another prime example of any publicity being good, and Major League Baseball constantly needing to keep itself in the news. If I didn't love the Sox with every bone in my body, a lot of the decisions this league makes would drive me to think about an absolute assault on all things baseball. Instead, I'll keep my cool, and simply bitch at the system that has allowed the Sox to grab 2 World Series titles in the last 4 years. See that. I have cake, and I'm eating it. And, if you're wondering. It's an ice cream cake, and it's delicious...

My Picks
Last Week: 4-2-0

Overall: 46-31-4 (.593)

*Once the reason why my record was even respectable, now the New England Patriots are starting to hold me back. In the last two weeks, I've gone 0-2 with the Pats, and 8-2 with the rest of my picks. Am I saying I won't take the Pats to cover against Pittsburgh? Guess you'll just have to wait and see. Hopefully not too many of you will die of anxiety waiting to hear my pick, because I can't really afford to lose any readers at this point...

Fantasy Update
Last Week: Make It Reign 126 HeHateMe 47

Overall: 9-3-1, 3rd place

1st Rd of Playoffs vs Sean Mysterio Jr. (8-5-0)

*Sure enough, a week after saying I didn't feel my team was heading in the right direction, they go out and blow the doors off every other team in the league en route to an 80 point victory. OK, but was it a last gasp, or a sign of good things to come? We'll find out starting Thursday, as my playoffs begin with match up against my good friend, Seante Philippowitz. He's won 6 in a row, but I've had a sick team all season. Something has to give, and one of us is going home with no shot at any post season glory, or cash. I hope TO saved some of that popcorn, cuz I think I'm gonna need it!

One final thing, here. If you're as sick of Rachael Ray on your TV every five minutes as I am, but you still want good cooking tips for this holiday season, go to the same guy you'd go to if you wanted to win the Lombardi Trophy. That's right....