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Friday, January 30, 2015

Super Bowl Picks: Stop, Prop, and Bowl...


OK. So to recap the past two weeks. Tom Brady is sick. Marshawn Lynch is a Ted. And occasionally I've heard mention that we just might be in store for one of the best Super Bowls of all time. You know, because the actual game can be entertaining too. I mean, as long as you have some action on it...

Yep, it's time to save my suboptimal season with my super parlay. Which, in combination with my regular picks, and my daily fantasy lineups that are half rostered with Pro Bowlers, should truly help cement my status in the Degenerati Hall of Fame. And when asked how I want my bust to look? I'll tell the curator, "Just like Kate Upton's"...

It's gonna be super, friends. So don't forget to enjoy. And may my twisted wisdom help guide you and yours to a profitable weekend...

Friday, January 23, 2015

College Hoops Top 25 (1/23): Habitually Speaking...


You know what Tom Brady should have said when asked about DeflateGate? He should have said, "SAMSON SIMPSON, I STICK TO MY STORY!". Not because it would have prompted the best memes in the history of the Interwebz, and played off the fact that Chris Canty called Brady and the Patriots "habitual line-steppers". Not to mention a fantastic Chappelle tie-in. But because I believe him when he says he didn't screw with the balls, yo. And I don't know why, but I do...

OK, I do know why. And yes, I do believe both Bill Belichick and Tom Brady when they say they had no knowledge of how the Patriots' game balls became underinflated. Now, is that merely because I'm a Patriots' fan? Could be. And would I necessarily put that past them? I most certainly would not. They're competitive, and I know that they, and others like them, are consistently looking for even the smallest edge. But either way, my beliefs mostly stem from the fact that I pride myself on being able to tell when people are lying. And while both Bill Belichick and Tom Brady came off as rattled and/or confused during their respective press conferences, neither of them seemed came off as being deceptive or disingenuous. Combine that with the fact that the NFL has proven time and again that they can't be trusted to investigate even the most minor of instances (they still haven't interviewed Brady OR the Patriots' equipment people), and you'll see why I have no problem writing all of this off as a combination of sour grapes and procedural ineptitude...

But that's just me, and I'm a Patriots' fan. So my thoughts on the matter are of very little consequence. Which is why I won't bother to back them up with any sort of logic, and just present you with my gut feeling. I can tell you that, without question, this would be little more than a punchline for me even in the wake of New England losing to a bitter rival. But again, that commentary holds very little water considering the source. So I get it. But that won't stop me from believing that, as we sit here today, this whole situation stems more from improper or inconsistent procedure than it does any sort of competitive conspiracy...

So, yeah. Balls. Now let's take a look at the balls that the college kids are kickin' around. Yep, it's the season debut of my College Hoops Top 25. Enjoy...

Friday, January 16, 2015

Championship Picks: Make Ya Thing Bling!


It's taken me a while, but I've finally figured out the thing that I like and admire the most about Bill Belichick. OR, at the very least, the thing I'm going to miss the most about him when he's finally done being my team's head coach. And no, it's not our shared affinity for the hooded sweatshirt...

Nope, my favorite thing about Bill Belichick, which was yet again magnified in the wake of last week's win over the Ravens, is his reaction to the reactions that he elicits with his unorthodox tactics. Oh, you've never seen that play before? "Well, it's in the rule book. And they announced it on the field." Brilliant, just brilliant. And he says it all with an implied facepalm that's properly embodied by the near Slingblade-looking facial expression given above. You know, just to drive hiome the fact that he KNOWS that he's not only smarter than you are, but more clever to boot. Yep, he's just the man. And the fact that I'm still finding new things to love about him so deep into his tenure just speak to his brilliance more than another Super Bowl ring ever possibly could. Though puttin' some more bling on the thing probably wouldn't hurt his cause, either. OH, and that's a phrase now. "Puttin' bling on the thing." So feel free to use it as liberally as possible...

Now let's see who I like to get their things blinged this weekend. Which may or may not be my new phrase in the present perfect passive. Man, remember having to learn those? Yeah, me neither. Obviously...

Enjoy...

Friday, January 09, 2015

Divisional Picks: Giving Stu His Due...


In what should come as a surprise to absolutely no one, I had a a very complex and polarizing relationship with Stuart Scott. A man I never actually met...

First, along with Dan Patrick and Keith Olbermann, Stu was more or less my idol. Delivering sports highlights in a manner I'd never seen before and giving me one-liners to shout on the playground. All while making sportscasting appealing to a new generation. MY generation! And I couldn't get enough...

But, unfortunately. Like most things you grow up loving, you end up out-growing them. And often end up looking back on them as silly and unimportant. Which is what happened for me with Stu. His brash brand of BOO YAH was quickly adopted by the masses, with each anchor going more over the top than his predecessor. And an army of Stu's was not what I wanted from my sportscast. What's more, is that the Stu-ification of Bristol played a big role (as did the dawn of the Interweb) in the halting of my ESPN non-live sports viewership altogether (not to mention the exodus of the aforementioned inspirations). Yep, went from watching 10 SportsCenters a day to not having willingly watched a full episode in close to a decade. And in doing so, Stuart Scott quickly went from someone for whom I strove to be like, to someone who represenTed everything I felt was wrong with the world of sportscasting. A world of which I'd always wanted to be a member...

But that's how life works. I knew I never truly disliked Stu, he just became an easy target. Which in itself speaks to what a titan the man had become, and the mark he's left on the business. So here's to the passing of a legend. You can argue for better or worse, but there's no doubting that the world of sports broadcasting will forever be changed due to his presence, his style, and just the passion for what he did. Good work Stu, and we'll catch you on the other side of the pillow...

Now onto the picks. Oh, actually. Before I get to the all important degenerati advice, I have to make sure you've seen this:


Yep, that's the latest offering from "TEAM SCOOCH", a collaboration between yours truly and my sometimes-contributor and always very good friend, Kevin 'Frosco' Tomasso. Hilarious, right? Of course it is. And you'd be right if you think that it would make for a fantastic Twitter avatar. But it's already MY Twitter avatar. So wipe that thought from your mind, and go back to having a general sense of humorous appreciation. Oh, and feel free to share it across the Interweb. You know, so we can go viral and become holier than thou Interweb SUPERSTARS!...

OK, now we're onto the picks. Enjoy...

Friday, January 02, 2015

Wild Card Picks: Givin' 'Em The Bird...


Hey there 2015! That's right, my friends. The new year is here, I've put my losing ways behind me (minus that 0-2 last night on the NCAA playoffs), and I'm ready to once again reclaim my place as the KING OF THE INTERWEB DEGENERATI! It will seem an impossible task at times, I'm sure. With long odds against, and many enemies standing in my way. But worst comes to worst I'll just summon some massive birds and they'll come and whisk me towards certain victory. You know, because I saw the last Hobbit last week (easily the worst of the trilogy). And now I'm more certain than ever that gigantic bird rescue is the most effective and dependable way to get yourself out of a jam. That and a magic ring. But invisibility is just a pipe dream, and birds are real. So I'm taking the birds...

So, yeah. New year, same Rooch. And I'll even have my college basketball rankings coming out in the next few weeks. So there's always that, too. Which is nice. That, and the flying birds. Because I'm sure I'll need them to come scoop up my ass come tournament time, too. But that's a magical landscape that I'll cross with a group of tiny men when I actually get there. For now, it's onto Wild Card Weekend. So let's see if we can't get 2015 going on the right financial note...

Enjoy...