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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Week 17 Picks: The End is Near...


Well, my friends, the year twenty-twelve is nearly upon us. And if we're to believe some of the "experts", there's a decent chance that this next year could be the last for the human race and the planet in which we inhabit. Now, I'm no Mayan calendar reader, so I don't know one way or another, but I do know this. Even if the world does end some time in December of 2012, I'd still bet on Baylor & Washington to go OVER in the "X-Box End of the World Bowl". Like, even if the world was opening up as they played, a la the latest Dark Knight Rising trailer, I'd still like like those teams chances of at least hangin' 50 on each other. I mean, seriously. Was it me, or was that game being controlled by an ADD stricken and Red Bull fueled 12 year old with a video game controller? Whatever, I'm sure you won't hear fans complaining about it like you did that 9-6 OT thriller in November between Alabama & LSU. Freakin' fans. They think they can have their cake and eat it, too. And you know what? It's because more often than not, they actually can...

And while we're on the subject of delicious cake, let's try to win you some by figuring out the safest way to wade through this mercurial final week of the NFL regular season. The world may be ending, but you're still gonna need that gambling money to pay for all the end of the world drugs, sex and booze. Hey, what can I tell ya? The rapture isn't gonna pay for itself...

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Week 16 Picks: Happy Birthday Jesus!


Ho ho ho, my damies, and a Merry Christmas OR Happy Hanukkah to you all. And notice the OR is capitalized and emboldened there, friends. Ya know, for emphasis? Because you each only get to accept ONE of those greetings. To you enterprising religious types out there that like to celebrate both holidays? You get nothing. Not because I've suddenly become religious and don't think it's morally correct that a person should celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah, but because I'm jealous that you rat bastards have beaten the system, and garnered yourselves 8-10 total days of legitimate gift getting, while I'm still sitting here like a schmuck with merely the 1-2...

So yeah, screw you, you double dippers, but make sure you know that those sentiments are coming from a place of love and jealousy, not a place of religious judgment. Ya know, because apparently these are religious holidays we're celebrating right now. Somethin' about a story of the magical birth of a young carpenter, who could turn water into wine and help the blind to see. I don't have all the facts, but I'm thinkin' that kid would have slayed on one of those reality TV type talent shows. Jerusalem's Got Talent? Man, oh man. He could have been huge. Oh well, in a lot of ways I'm sure getting spit on, beaten, nailed to a piece of wood and then rising from the dead was probably just as exciting. But I digress...

Yep, cuz we're here to pick games and tell jokes, not talk about religion. I mean, I guess if the joke has to do with religion it's cool, but either way, it's time to move on. Oh, and I'll be moving on using just one space after the end of each sentence. IT's all the rage, and all the cool bloggers are going it, so I'd figure I'd be wise to follow suit. No more "Two-spacing" for this guy. Well, at least not on purpose. Probably prove a tough habit to break, though. Freakin' muscle memory...

OK, now it's really onto the picks. I'm already feelin' good, after winning last night with the Colts and the points (+6.5), and I figure that savvy and successful selection can only bode well for the week to come.  That, and I nailed the top pick in my Confidence based NCAA Bowl pool when Boise St. beat Arizona St. by like 40 points. So I'm feelin' good. Hopefully, that'll carry over into this Holiday weekend...

...and I haven't caught myself "two spacing", yet, which has gotta be a good sign...

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Week 15 Picks: The Master & The Messiah...

I can't remember a regular season game, in any sport, in which the outcome, one way or the other, will so dramatically change the perception of one of the players involved.  Naturally, I'm talkin' about Tebus Christ and the Mile High Showdown.  He leads his Broncos to a convincing win over the Patriots, and even the staunchest critics will start to come around.  And if he bests Tom Brady in a 4th quarter comeback fest?  Well, then Elway might as well start building the shrine to his polarizing prophet passer right there in the parking lot before he calls it a night.  You know, as long as there isn't anything in the Bible that says that isn't chill...

And even if there is, I'm sure Timmy could talk to the big man upstairs and get it all ironed out...

Let's get to it...

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Week 14 Picks: Pujols Heads West, While Paul Stays Put...


You know what's a fun aspect of being me? Yesterday, I had a 20 minute debate with my friend, about the proper coaching etiquette to be used when a team is down by 3 in basketball game with just seconds left.  To foul, or not to foul.  Whether it's legitimate to tell your team it's more important to draw a foul than in it is to actually attempt to score.  Really riveting stuff, for a nerd such as myself.  So what's a not so pleasant aspect of being me? The fact that I'm a Red Sox fan, and I now live in a world where the Sox are at best, the 3rd best team in the American League.  Oh well, at least I can take solace in knowing what happened to the last team that was crowned the king of the MLB off season...

Pujols, Paul, and an ass load of picks.  Probably some Tebow, too.  IT's week 14, friends.  Now let's get to it!

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Week 13 Picks: Wine Me, Fine Me, & Valentine Me...


Bobby Valentine is the new coach of the Boston Red Sox, and the Bernie Fine scandal is officially beginning to spin out of control.  Oh yeah, and we've got some NFL and NCAA games to pick.  Yep, there are no shortage of topics on which to wax poetic, so let's get to it...