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Tuesday, March 29, 2011

The Final Four: Spoiling The Parity Party...

PURRIDY!
Charles Barkley.  He's a funny bastard, there's no doubt.  And while I know I've been ripping him for his uninformed and inept commentating performance during this year's NCAA Tournament, with the Final Four now set in stone, I can't help but think that it's eerily appropriate that he's involved.  Yup, you heard me.  And it was nothing to do with his God awful picks (mine ARE slightly better) or his ability to get CBS's Seth Davis somehow all but banished from the pre and post game analytical round table.  Nope, Chuck's connection to the 4 teams left in this year's Big Dance centers around one word.  The word I love to hear him say more than any other, and the one I so prophetically predicted he would be uttering dozens of times before the tourney was through...

That word, is "purridy".  Or for those of you that don't speak Chuck-ese, or just aren't used to listening to people that seemingly have a mouth full of wet tissues, "parity".  A word that Webster's defines as: the quality or state of being equal or equivalent. A word that, with no #1 or #2 seeds in the Final Four, and appearances by a #8 and a #11, seems more a factual statement than it is an opinion.  But is it true?  IS the college game experiencing more parity this year than ever before?  Have big program player defections to the pros really leveled the playing field?  Well, while that answer may seem obvious to most of you, shockingly, I've got a different take.  IS the tourney "rife with parity" or are those that are preaching that message "ripe for parody"?  A spectacular play on words, to be sure, but nonetheless an important question that should really be looked at... 

And that's exactly what I'm gonna do. IT's purridy, friends. Or is it? Well, there's only one way to find out. Read on, my damies. And enjoy...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

NCAA Tournament Recap: A Few Scoops of Zombie Justice


Haters.  When you think about it, they're a lot like zombies.  They appear out of nowhere, with an insatiable, and often unexplainable blood lust, yet they're usually able to to be dispatched by incredibly simple, all be them often brutal means.  Ya know, like tricking a group of them to follow you around a corner, only to drop a piano on their heads when they eventually get there.  Yeah, just like "Zombie Kill of the Week" from the movie, Zombieland...

And that's what I aim to do today.  Drop a big 'ole piano on the heads of all the Teds that have come out of the woodwork hating on the Big East after the 1st two rounds of the NCAA Tournament.  Because that's how they're acting, like zombies.  Matter of fact, "lemmings" would probably be a more appropriate example, but nobody kills lemmings, they just aimlessly walk of a cliff to their deaths.  And seeing as I'm out to give these haters a shotgun blast to the face full of justice, I'd rather them be un-dead Pink Hats than little wobbly, furry lookin' muppets...or whatever lemmings are...

So let's talk a little tournament, and get to the root of both why the Big East failed to impress, AND why the haters have been so quick to call them out as frauds...

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

2011 NCAA Tournament Preview: Searching For Bobby Bilas

Digger what?!?
Well, friends.  I did it.  After taking a week off from my own brain, and letting my eyes tell me what was actually going on, I finally obtained that oft-elusive, yet not always fulfilling, "moment of clarity".  I had cleared my head of all my opinion based, preconceived notions, and I was ready to tackle the bracket as if it were a chess board, and I was Bobby motha F'n Fisher!..

What I hadn't anticipated, however, was that while I may have flushed all the junk out of my system by taking a week off from my normal, analytical ways, that didn't mean I was no longer addicted.  If anything, it increased the craving to the point where when I finally did look at the completed bracket, I'm pretty sure I blacked out for a few seconds and collapsed into a pile of my own laundered unmentionables.  A soft landing, to be sure, but upon finding my feet again I realized that all I had accomplished over the past week was for not.  I'd tried to save myself from myself, and all I'd done was created a monster.  A particularly charming and handsome monster, but one whose insatiable blood lust for all things college hoops had, yet again, clouded his thinking...

Friday, March 11, 2011

College Hoops Top 25: Getting Back To My #Winning Ways...


Chucky Estevez may be addicted to #Winning, but your man right here has a poppy seed-like craving for some college hoops!  And while my arm is itching at the thought of the games still to come, and the sick amounts of knowledge I could drop on you right now, I've got a reason even more selfish than addiction that's causing me to pull in the reigns, and to hold back the orgasmic like building of information that I have gathering in my brain...

That reason, you ask?  Well it's a perfectly justifiable one.  I too, you see, am addicted to #Winning.  And in my quest to end my 5 year pool winning drought, I'm weary of giving away too much primo information.  After all, the people reading this are likely the very same people I'll be attempting to relieve of a $20 bill over the next month, so why hand them the keys to the kingdom?

In fact I can almost directly trace my drought (save for a $ finish in 2005) to when I started giving the type of detailed tourney advice you've come to crave.  Granted, my 7 year pool winning streak can literally be attributed to the Syracuse National Championship in 2003 (I had Oklahoma), but it wasn't until '05-'06 that I started to realize that perhaps I was becoming the victim of my own brain. Suffering from "paralysis by analysis".  So into it, that I was more or less lost. I may have been living with the gorillas, but I couldn't see the forest through the damn proverbial trees!...

Friday, March 04, 2011

College Hoops Top 25: No Big Love for BYU


With the anniversary of my birth a mere 3 days away, that can only mean one thing.  That 'Championship Week' has already technically begun, and that it's bigger and much flashier brother, The NCAA Tournament, cannot be far behind.  Per usual, I'm about to jump out of my skin with excitement, but also per usual, I'll be sure to steady myself in an attempt to give you the most informed and well researched opinions on every team before they punch their dance card on Selection Sunday...

But let's not get ahead of ourselves.  Sure some of the smaller conferences have already begun their prep work for their latest attempt at producing a Cinderella (not to mention a Gus Johnson signature call), but with the Big Boys still playing out the string and this guy still more than 48 hours from the start of his 29th year (only turning 28, smarties), there's no need to rush things.  That's why, before I delve into the College Basketball Mensa meeting for 1 that is my weekly Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25, I'm going to take a minute to tackle some non roundball related topics that have been dominating the headlines.  Ya know, like "winning", for instance.  A substance, I too, have always found myself addicted too...