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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving Picks: Gobble Gobble, My Damies


The picture really says it all, doesn't it?  Thanksgiving: The holiday where sexy Indians take ecstasy and attempt to rape/kill a dog in a Pilgrim costume. Ahhh yes, the holidays are here...

And with Thanksgiving knocking down the door to kickoff yet another holiday season, I think it's important to remember what it is that holidays are actually all about.  Those would be, in no particular order; family, friends, football and food.  The 4 F's, if you will.  Not to be confused with a "4F'er", which if you remember from last week is pretty much the antithesis of what the holiday season is all about...

But that is what it's all about.  And not just Thanksgiving, but the entire holiday season.  Spending time with the ones you love, stuffing your face, and watching the biggest and best football games of the season with baited breath.  IT doesn't get much better than that.  Well it might, if you're able to add some extra scratch due to my expert picks and a little Online Betting, but that's an extra step I prefer to reserve for only the boldest and baddest of holiday sports handicappers...

And while I've yet to figure out which element of the season makes watching the football so much better; whether it's the amount on the line, the increased presence of good people doped up on turkey juice, or the gentle scent of cinnamon wafting through the air; the fact is there's no denying that this time of year serves as a high point on the annual football watching schedule...

So on the eve of this kickoff of food and love, allow me to give you this non edible, yet incredibly delicious treat that will hopefully make your football experience this weekend all that more enjoyable.  Consider them desert, except you're eating them before your meal.  OR better yet, consider them a delicious dip, dripping with delicious cheese and packed full of spicy goodness.  Mmmmmmm, delicious spicy football picks...

But in all non-delicious seriousness, I want to wish all of you out there in Rooch Nation a happy and healthy Thanksgiving.  It seems we don't take enough time these days to stop and appreciate all the great things and great people in our lives, so make sure you get out there and take advantage of a series of holidays that are designed to do exactly that.  Cuz let's face it, kids.  We ain't gettin' any younger...

Gobble Gobble, my damies.  And again, have a Happy Thanksgiving...    

Thanksgiving Picks



New England Patriots (-6.5) @ Detroit Lions + OVER 50.5

If I were the lying type, I'd tell you this pick was a slam dunk.  Or, to use the parlance of our times, an extra point.  But seeing as it's the holiday season, and I just gushed about friends and family and love and whatnot, the last thing I'm gonna do is start things off with a lie...

I mean, let's face it.  The Pats are coming off 2 of their biggest games of the season (@ PITT, vs INDY), playing a road game with a short week, and possibly looking ahead to their Monday Night showdown (12/6) against the New York Jets.  A game that would be the biggest game of the season should both those teams enter 9-2...and notice I didn't say "arguably"...

Right.  Not exactly an ideal situation.  And to be honest, if this game were on a Sunday, I'd definitely be taking the Lions and the points.  I'd still like NE to win, but I'd be laying the 7 hoping that, like Indy, the Lions would pull a shady back door cover.  But hey, it's the holidays, and the last thing I wanna do is get my holiday season started with some bad karma...

Patriots 31 Lions 21.  Shaun Hill and friends can score, and might keep this one competitive looking, but let's not forget who we're dealing with here.  It's the freakin' Lions...

J-E-T-S, baby.  The game of the year is a mere 2 weeks away, and I can taste it!...Up, nope, that was just a delicious piece of cheese dip that got caught in that gap where my back tooth used to be...

Mmmmmm, delicious rivalries...    


New Orleans Saints (-3.5) @ Dallas Cowboys + OVER 51

I know I use pictures of Kim Kardashian a lot, but seeing as I'm pretty sure Jon Kitna is the only one playing in this game that hasn't roasted that celebutante rump I figured this time her presence would actually be appropriate.  It's just too bad Miles Austin and Reggie Bush don't play on opposite sides of the ball.  Haha imagine what might get said if they ever met at the bottom of a pile?  Haha with so many big asses stuffed into spandex around I'm sure there would be no shortage of inspiration...

Oh and you see that "oh, is that my ass behind me?" pose?  That's my favorite, right there, and the one Reggie (should he actually return) and the defending champs are going to be giving The Cowboys on their way out the door.  "Oh, was that your season?"...


New York Jets (-9) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Pretty easy math on this one.

1) The Bengals are turkeys (Ha!) AND 2) I can picture Rex Ryan stuffing his face with some sort of post game victory Turducken chunk.  Like with the Pats, I'm not thrilled with taking such a big # coming off a few consecutive close games and a short week, but being at home and up against a "dead coach walking" actually have me picking this sucker with confidence...

Also, I'd be lying if I told you I didn't want the Jets to win this week.  I like my teams to be the best, but most importantly I like it when they have to get there by beating the best...

9-2 vs 9-2...FIGHT! (Rex Ryan as Zangief OR Blanca? YOU decide.  The Pats are Guile, obviously, while I consider myself more of a Dhalsim...)


Talkin' about that Turduckeneveryone's Thanksgiving experience...

So here's to you, Coach, wherever you may be.  Like the Pilgrims, you'll be forever etched as a part of Thanksgiving lore, and for that, we as fans will be eternally grateful...
  

Last Week: 12-8-0 (Top Picks: 4-4-0)

Top Picks: 43-39-3 (.524)

Overall: 86-70-4 (.550)

LOCK OF THE WEEK: 7-8-0



BLACK FRIDAY.  A term originally coined by the real estate community to signal their ascension into the "black", it now signifies the best and worst of what capitalism has to offer.  By 'best', I mean the incredible display of commerce that takes place, and by 'worst', I mean countless incidents that might as well come straight from the journal of one Frank Costanza...

"As I reigned blows upon him, I realized there had to be a better way!"...

Hahaha gold, Jerry. Gold!

Stay away from the malls, kids.  Get yourself a nice plate of leftovers, sit down, and watch yourself some great college football action.  Or in my case, do all that after you play in an annual flag football game.  Either way, just make sure you don't miss this delicious slate.  Especially The Iron Bowl, which could arguably prove to bet the best game of the year.  See?  I used arguably this time.  Not nearly as certain of that one...

It's a Black Friday for the rest of us! Enjoy..

NCAA Black Friday Picks
(1) Oregon (-18) vs (20) Arizona

The Ducks return home after a close call by the Bay against Cal, while the now 21st ranked Wildcats looked to avoid losing their 3rd straight.  I'm taking the Ducks to bounce back in a big way in an attempt to prove their worth on a National stage...

Oh and remember in the movie Speed when Sandra Bullock had an Arizona Wildcats shirt on and that proved to be the break Keanu Reeves needed to solve the case? Huh, funny the things you remember.  CSI had nothing on Jack Traven, or whatever his name was.  Then again, he didn't have what it took to save Harry, which I'm sure didn't sit too well with Lloyd...

Huh, funny how movies tend to run together.  Even funnier that this post didn't end with a Mighty Ducks reference...

Cake eater...

(9) Alabama (-3.5) vs (2) Auburn

The Iron Bowl is the best intrastate rivalry in college football, and it certainly didn't need any extra hype.  But with controversy continuing to circle around Auburn QB and Heisman front runner, Cam Newton, it's certainly got it...

Now, all the experts seem to be rolling with the Tide this week, and despite my penchant for Newton and the "War Eagle" battle cry, I have to agree.  Saban's boys are just the more balanced group, and given the time he's had to prepare for Cam and the Auburn offense, you have to like his chances...

Ultimately, I'd love for this to end up us a multi OT Instant Classic, but the smart money in this one lies with the Crimson Tide.  And hey, if they win by 6 in like the 5th OT, then everybody wins.  It could be a Thanksgiving miracle!!..

Oh and even though I took the Tide, how hilarious is that white trash get up that Bama hater has on?  Ha!  I bet that game was a 4F'er, too.  And I got $5 says that thong ended the day A) covered in puke on the floor of a men's bathroom OR B) soaked in urine...but still on that chick...  

(3) Boise St. (-14) @ (19) Nevada

This sucker has 4F'er written ALL OVER IT.  Just like that TCU/Utah game...

It looks like it should be close, but having won the last 10 in this rivalry, and watching them play better this year than I've ever seen in the past, is all the evidence I need to side with the Broncs.  Blue turf or not, head coach Chris Peterson has them out to send a message week in and week out.  This week shouldn't be any different...

This team's gonna win the National Championship, kids.  That is, if the pollsters let them play for it...

Colorado (+17.5) @ (16) Nebraska

Nebraska's leaving for the Big 10, Colorado for the Pac 10.  Nebraska is coming off it's most turbulent week of the season, where it's starting QB allegedly quit, and 2 of it's coaches were penalized for going berserk on the refs.  Colorado is coming off 2 straight wins, and is being led by a QB (Cody Hawkins) whose father (Dan) getting fired as head coach is what started the upward tick...

Now I usually get in trouble with these type of situations, reading too much into one team's plight or another team's success, but seeing as my Black Friday 4-pack is lacking an upset, I figure why not roll the proverbial dice.  Besides, it's Thanksgiving!  And while I know there's probably a ton of father-son relationships you could point to, what would be better than Cody Hawkins getting a huge win for his essentially disgraced father?  OK, I can think of a lot of things that would be better, but that's helping me justify my pick...    


Last Week: 5-6-1

Overall: 77-57-4 (.572)

SO there you have it, friends.  As usual, I hope you enjoyed.  And I hope this serves as the beginning to what will hopefully be a very happy and eventful weekend.  One more time, from me and mine to your and yours, Happy Thanksgiving...

Gobble Gobble, my damies.  Gobble Gobble...


Don't be shy, have a thigh!

Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, November 19, 2010

NFL Week 11 Picks: A Preemptive Gobble-Gobble


Well, my good friends, I may have stepped in it.  And by "it", I mean a big steaming pile of karma shit...

As many of you may remember, earlier in the season I was enlisted by WPRO's Matt Allen to help him with his picks.  Through the first 4 weeks, it was ugly, and soon there after, Matt and I decided that it was best we part ways.  Since then, as my record will attest, I've been on quite the run.  For me it was more or less what I call "P for the C" ( or par for the course), that the second I stopped giving a high profile personality advice I started to deliver, but at risk of derailing my success, I didn't want to tempt fate.  I mean, what good would it do me to tell Matt how well I was doing?  He'd either A) want to enlist my help again, which after my bragging would have me setting the bar ridiculously high OR B) He'd just playfully curse me out and tell me I'm full of it.  Now obviously the 2nd outcome doesn't really hurt me in any way, but the pleasure I would get from that back and forth would in no way serve as solace should in it's aftermath my positive momentum take a sudden turn for the worse...

So, what obviously happened this week?  Matt casually mentioned how poor he'd been doing lately, at which point I sheepishly divulged my recent success.  Especially when it came to picking straight up winners, which is exactly what he was looking for (4 straight weeks of 10+ wins, to be precise).  One thing led to another, and while we agreed that he would still be making his picks, he thought that in light of my recent success he'd still be wise to solicit my advice.  My advice?  Take the Dolphins...

Yeah.  So I got that goin' for me, which is not so nice.  Now I'm in my own head, wondering if I've upset the Gods, and doomed the rest of my 2010 campaign. Like a young Hank Hill, I'm wondering if my over the top end zone celebration will cause me to get struck down with a championship losing and career ending injury.  And seeing as I'm probably the only one whose going to get that reference, I'm anxious to see if perhaps my pride hast goneth before my fall...or something like that...

Well, there's only one way to find out.  Gotta tempt that fate, gotta test that karma's mettle.  Gotta see who's the one with the world, and who's the one that's paying the rent.  SO put up your dukes, karma, and let's get it on...

It's week 11 kids, and Thanksgiving is right around the corner.  A preemptive gobble-gobble to you all, and enjoy...  

Week 11 Picks


New England Patriots (-3.5) vs Indianapolis Colts

Remember 4th & 2?  I only ask because I was shocked how many Patriots fans had never seen Wes Welker kick before.  I mean, not like he did it against the Patriots or anything.  But I digress...

Or do I? Another trait I don't share with most fans, besides a memory that stretches past what you had for breakfast, is that I've never really viewed the Colts as quite the rival they're hyped to be.  I know it's a big rivalry, but I've always been of the opinion that the games with the Steelers were always the biggest ones of the schedule.  I point to the fact that when the Pats were good, the Steelers actually beat them sometimes.  Sure the Colts have had the Pats number lately (4 of the last 5), but when the Patriots were consistently winning Super Bowls (that's right, I just used the past tense) it was the Steelers that always fought them tooth and nail while Indy could never quite get over the hump.  The Patriots were to the Colts what the Yankees were to the Red Sox. No matter how good they were, they just couldn't seem to get by them.  Until, as is want to happen, they finally did. But when they did, they were just beating a good team, not a team amidst a dynastic run. Maybe I'm picking nits here, but that's just how I've always looked at it...

As for the game at hand, I think last year's failure on that pivotal 4th & 2 can only serve as additional motivational tool for a New England team that seems to be in primed position to start a good run towards the playoffs.  Indy's dinged up and this time, they aren't at home.  I look for the Pats to attack them in a similar way they did the Steelers, and put Manning under a good amount of pressure right up the middle.  That's where a pocket passer like Peyton is susceptible, and that's exactly what the Pats were able to do so effectively to Big Ben and Pittsburgh.  And because I see them employing a similar game plan, I also envision a similar result.  They control the game early, but pull just far enough ahead that they allow Peyton and the Colt offense to seemingly pass themselves back in the game.  But not really...

Pats 27 Colts 17...and it won't be as close as the score...



Tennessee Titans (-7) vs Washington Redskins

Pretty much just picking against McNabb at this point, but part of me just has to marvel at how bizarre a career he's had.  Booed on Drafty Day because he wasn't Ricky Williams (How'd that work out?).  Hyped as  a running QB (because he was black), yet he never really was.  Given big contracts even though he consistently proved he wasn't good in big games.  Given endorsements, though he was never a crowd or locker room favorite.  And now this.  He signs a huge extension mere days after being benched in the 4th quarter for alleged conditioning issues, and then goes out and lays a huge egg on Monday Night Football.  Days after that, the talk was that Washington might just cut him after the season and be done with it...

McNabb.  Whatever.  I met him once, and he was a prick.  So not only do I hope he gets cut, and that his team loses by more than 7 points this weekend, but I hope when he gets home after the game and is sitting on the couch contemplating his life, he spills a piping hot bowl of Campbell's Chunky right over his man area.  That's karma right there, friends.  Piping hot karma, right to the groin...    


Green Bay Packers (-3) @ Minnesota Vikings

What is this, like Favre/Rodgers V?  The storyline is played out, for sure.  There's still a good opportunity to make some money here, though.  Green Bay, despite the presence of a decent running game, seem to be rounding into the team a lot of us thought they'd be when the season started, while the Vikings are in a constant state of disarray.  Looks like it could be a trap game betting wise because Minnesota needs it, but I just can't in good conscience not take the Pack here.  So do me proud, Beard.  And send that old perv back to Mississippi once and for all...and Favre is the old perv there, in case you missed it.  Childress looks like a perv, too, but I don't think he's from Mississippi...  


Seattle Seahawks (+11.5) @ New Orleans Saints

Reggie Bush makes his much anticipated return this week for New Orleans, and I guess we'll find out once and for all if he's the missing gear that will get the offensive machine churnin' out points again.  My guess is that he will, but not right away, so I'll take the Seahawks and this one and take the nearly 2 touchdown spread.  Then again, this is the game I told Matt Allen would be the best spot for a potential "big time upset", so you might wanna tread carefully...

Oh and I just had to throw a Kim K pic in there.  I know she doesn't date Reggie anymore, but she's still got one of the best bodies goin'.  I mean, she's freakin' stacked!  And while I'm not trying to watch her reality show(s), I'd much rather see her on TV than those Teds from the Jersey Shore.  I just saw that guy "Snookie" doing an ad for pistachios, and I just don't see the big deal.  I mean, his abs didn't look that great to me at all and I think he actually may have gotten really sketchy pec implants.  He's a lot shorter than I thought, too...

...huh?  You're tellin' me that was a chick?!  WHOA!


Jacksonville Jaguars (-1.5) vs Cleveland Browns

It seems one of the first coaches to find himself on the hot seat every year is Jack Del Rio.  It also seems that year after year, the former Vikings LB finds a way to turn things around and get his boys right back in the hunt.  This year, the Jags are 4-2 after a 1-2 start, and primed for yet another improbable run to the post season...

Cleveland, on the other hand, has been quite the surprise itself this season.  And to be honest, I'm still not really sure how they're doing it.  That's probably while I'm picking against them.  Matter of fact, now that I think of it, I'm not really sure why I'm picking this game at all.  One team is shadier than the next, and I don't have any strong feelings one way or the other!  Meh, I already did the write up and got the picture, so it's stayin' on the board...


Detroit Lions @ Dallas Cowboys OVER 46

Speaking of shady teams, got a couple in this match up to beat the freakin' band.  And seeing as I haven't been able to decide if last week's win over New York was a sign of things to come in Big D or just the Giants being their skitsofrenic selves, I've just washed my hands of this point spread all together and turned to the game total.  Detroit loves to chuck the rock, Dallas likes the go for big plays.  It's a combination I think could lead to a lot of points.  I still don't love Jason Garrett's chances in Dallas, no matter how many games he wins, but if he can get a streak together that team could become really fun to watch, as opposed to a lot of fun to laugh at...


New York Giants (+3.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles + OVER 48.5

Shadiest LOCK OF THE WEEK of the season?!?  OK that Seattle/Chicago game might have it beat, but nevertheless I bet a lot of you are surprised to see me take this side of this game with such confidence.  Well, I see it as a great opportunity...

I'm as pleased as the next guy that Mikey Vick's has taken his game to the next level, but I'm also just as happy to benefit from people jumping all over his jock.  The Eagles are a much improved team with this Michale Vick at the helm, but that doesn't mean they should be nearly 4 point favorites against the similarly talented G-Men.  Also, as I mentioned above, the Giants are Dr. Jekyll and Mr Ted. this season, and after a stinker last week against Dallas, they're due to bounce back in a big way.  I'm not as keen on the OVER, but I'm taking it anyway.  Ya know, just in case Vick goes off again and decides to cover it himself...


As for the rest of the slate, I hope you like favorites.  Not sure why I picked so many this week, but I'm not gonna question it...

Highlighting this group is the "Fitzpatrick Bowl" as the Bills and Bengals duke it out in the Illest of Natty's.  If you ask me, it says a lot that these two franchises have had a Harvard QB start for them in the last few years. Unfortunately, none of those things it says are wicked smahhht.....

Cincinnati Bengals (-5.5) vs Buffalo Bills + OVER 42.5

Baltimore Ravens (-10.5) @ Carolina Panthers

Atlanta Falcons (-3) @ St. Louis Rams

New York Jets (-7) vs Houston Texans + OVER 46.5

San Fransisco 49ers (-3) vs Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Kansas City Chiefs (-7) vs Arizona Cardinals

Pittsburgh Steelers (-7) vs Oakland Raiders + OVER 37.5



Monday Night


Denver Broncos (+10) @ San Diego Chargers + OVER 48.5

Remember in 2007, when everyone was complaining that the Patriots were blowing people out by too many points?  Remember the swagger his players had because of it?  Well Little McHoodie got a taste of that last week when his Broncos ran up the score, and I think that will have his 3-6 squad playing with a little more confidence come Monday Night.  I know we're used to the Chargers being the team from the West that usually has the big 2nd half's, but if Denver can put together a 2nd straight solid performance, I'd willing to believe that even at 4-6, they might be the team to beat for that division's playoff spot.  At the very least I'll roll the dice with them this week and take them and the 10 points...


Last Week: 9-5-0  (Top Picks: 6-3-0)

Overall: 74-62-4 (.543)

Top Picks: 39-35-3 (.526)

LOCK OF THE WEEK: 7-7-0 (.500)



Let's see.  Cal is playing Stanford this week, so there's a clip of that famous play.  And Nebraska has a big game this week, so there are a few of their scantily clad fans.  Just don't tell tell them that it's football season, or that I picked against the Huskers.  They're so into it, I just don't wanna ruin their enthusiasm...

Speaking of which, watching TCU destroy Utah in Utah a few weeks back, I coined a new expression.  It's a saying meant to capture the adequate disappointment of a fan base that waited in anticipation all week for a big home game, only to show up and get blown out in embarrassing fashion.  I call it, a "4F'er".  And at the risk of being crude, I won't tell you what the 1st F stands for.  I will tell you, however, that whatever that word may be, it's followed in the phrase by the words "in the Face in front of your Friends + Family".  Yeah, so you got it.  "4F'er".  IT's when you've been drinking since 8 am, you have paint all over your face, and your team is down 28-0 in the middle of the 2nd quarter.  That, my friends, is a 4F'er.  And no, I'm not making it 5F'er and including the word "front".  And if you wanna do that, then I'll see you in court, you rat bastard...

FREE CAM NEWTON!

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(4) Boise St. (-38.5) vs Fresno St.


Michigan (+5) vs (6) Wisconsin

California (+7) vs (7) Stanford

(8) Ohio St. (-3) @ (21) Iowa

(18) Texas A&M (+2.5) vs (9) Nebraska

(11) Michigan St. (-20) vs Purdue

(22) Mississippi St. (+3) vs (13) Arkansas

(14) Virginia Tech (-2.5) @ (24) Miami

(15) Missouri (-11) @ Iowa St.

(16) Oklahoma (-7.5) @ Baylor

(20) USC (-3) @ Oregon St.

San Diego St. (+3) vs (25) Utah


Last Week: 7-5-0

Overall: 72-51-3 (.583)



Gunga la gunga, my damies.  And have a good weekend...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, November 12, 2010

NFL Week 10 Picks: A Season's Worth of Sundays


I don't about you, but Sunday Night has quickly become my favorite night of the week.  Well, at least for TV watching purposes...

As a kid, I always felt hosed by Sundays.  You call that a weekend day?!  You can't even stay up late!  And half the time, people spend it going to church?!  What a letdown...

Now, as an "adult", Sundays have seemingly made it up to me by offering me both delicious sports and entertainment on a weekly basis.  Football all day long, and then a tasty smattering of comedy and drama to fill the  rest of the night....and more often than not, my DVR for the next 2-3 days.  And that's probably my favorite part.  It's like, you're watching one thing and getting so engrossed in it, that you forget that there are still countless hours of delicious TV still to watch.  And then by the time you actually are finished watching everything, the cycle is basically already primed to repeat itself...

That's how my life is right now, at least from a sports perspective.  More accurately, my life is actually more like a few weeks back when Mad Men was still apart of my Sunday night lineup.  That's because right now, literally right now as I type, 3 of my favorite "seasons" are getting into full swing.  The NFL and NCAA football seasons are really starting to get good, the NCAA basketball season is about to tip off, and Major League Baseball has lit the fuse on what promises to be yet another exciting off season full of wheeling and dealing.  For me, it just doesn't get any better.  I'll get all wrapped up in one thing, and then BAM!, I'll be hit with a news item or highlight that reminds me that those two other delicious worlds exist.  And it's great...

Now for those of you that aren't as big into college basketball or MLB free agency, I can see how you might not share my enthusiasm for this time of year.  Unfortunately, that's your problem.  If you think the "NBA regular season" and "EuroTrash on Ice" are "acceptable forms of entertainment", then that's on you.  I've tried my best, through the years, to steer you in the right direction, but if you haven't got the picture by now, I'm not sure there's too much more I can do for ya.  Especially since it's my Nation.  Now if this were Ted Nation, I'm sure we could chat about that stuff all the live long day.  But Ted Nation is a cancelled radio show with an hilarious title, and this is Rooch Nation, where we talk about sports that are actually fun and interesting...


So, what does all this random Sunday TV talk mean?  Well it more just serves as a heads up for what you can look for in the non Ted Nation over the next few weeks.  Naturally I'll continue to keep it real with my NFL & NCAA picks to click, but I'll also be keeping close tabs on MLB free agency and the infancy of the 2010-2011 NCAA basketball season.  My focus will be mainly on my Syracuse Orange and Boston Red Sox, but you know I'll be keeping a watchful eye on the big picture as well.  It's an exciting time, kids, and the fact that it converges with the holidays just makes it all the more magical.  So get on board, and make sure you keep it locked right here to stay up to speed...

For now, it's time to focus on the sport that started this grand Sunday tradition, and time to continue lining your coffers with my increasingly dependable picks.  It's the second half of the season and, per usual, I'm starting to hit my stride.  Get in now while the gettin's good, and you'll have more than enough delicious cake to shower you and yours with only the finest gifts for the holiday season.  And last time I checked, if you give a tip to your mailman and milkman, a currency filled envelope wouldn't be out of line for your neighborhood handicapper, either.  Ha!  Just kidding, you don't need to send me any money.  Delicious pastries, high end steaks, and booze would be great gifts, too...

But enough about what you should be doing for the holidays, let's just get to the picks.  And again, I'm actually winning now, so you should actually be taking my advice...

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeek 10. GO!                  

Week 10 Picks

Indianapolis Colts (-7) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Maybe it was because it was at the top of my Week 10 list of games, but this game jumped out at me right away as one I'd want to be in on...

On one hand, you have the Colts, who dinged up as they are, are still 5-3 with a mind towards a deep run in the playoffs.  On the other hand, you have the Bengals, who are as big a mess as ever, losers of 5 straight, and headed for another season of typically disastrous Bengal-like stuff.  Namely infighting and substance abuse...

Now the Bengals, as bad as they are, don't tend to get blown out, which makes this somewhat of a risky play.  Matter of fact, in their 6 losses they've only fallen by 7 or more in 2 them.  But I'm not letting that discourage me.  When things fall apart in the NFL, they usually fall apart fast.  I think the Bengals put in their last real great effort last weekend when they were narrowly unable to comeback against Pittsburgh, and it's all downhill from here.  Matter of fact, I like the Colts soo much in this match up, that I'm installing them as this week's LOCK OF THE WEEK.

Indy will be primed at home, and ready to get the 2nd half of the season started on the right foot, and like I said, Cincy's beat.  So take the Colts, OK?  OK...  



Tennessee Titans (-1) @ Miami Dolphins

Randy Moss may be making his debut with his 3rd team of the season this week, but it's a few key trends that don't involve the mercurial wide out that have me siding with his new club.  Namely Tennessee's prowess on the road (3-1) and Miami's ineptness at home (0-4).  Miami did screw me last week when they lost on the road for the 1st time this year, and while I wouldn't put it past them to do the same this week with their first home win, there's one thing that I gotta think has to be working in my favor.  Chad Pennington.  Yep, not only is he NOT dead, but he's getting the start this week.  I understand Miami probably thinks Chad can bring some much needed consistency to their offense (and maybe a little street cred?), but switching QBs halfway through the season doesn't usually bode well.  At least not in the short term...(says the kid who just picked a team that has yet to name a week 10 starter)...#syh    


St. Louis Rams (+6) @ San Fransisco 49ers

I was halfway to making this my second LOCK OF THE WEEK, when I had a change of heart.  That 6 point line just doesn't look right.  Then I got to thinkin' that San Fran might actually and finally be playing up to their promise, and could very easily lay the wood to a young St. Louis team that actually might be a little rusty coming off their bye.  Sounds odd, but few teams have had as surprising 1st halves as the Rams, and something tells me they would have rather played right through their bye week than stop their positive momentum...

Either way, I like the Rams too much not to take them here with the 6 points.  Even if they are 0-3 on the road...



New York Giants (-14) vs Dallas Cowboys

I didn't think it would happen this year, but Wade Phillips is OUT in Dallas, and Jason Garrett is IN.  I suppose a move did have to be made, but this is just a band aid for a problem that's going to requite an entire surgical team to fix...

PAGING Dr. Cowher....

The Giants have a tendency for failing to show up for game's like this, but as long as they're focused in this one, even 14 points shouldn't be a problem.  Oh, and if they do cover the 14, you'd be hard pressed to convince me that they aren't the best team in the NFL...


Chicago Bears (+1) vs Minnesota Vikings

I had the Vikings in this one all week, but today I made the switch.  I figure, if anyone is going to "finish off" Brett Favre, it's going to be Julius Peppers.  Plus, the Vikes are still a mess, despite their heroic effort against Arizona...

That's another thing, too.  If Minnesota needed every second and every yard to beat Arizona at home, how are you supposed to pick them with confidence as a road favorite against...well...against pretty much anybody?  Yeah.  I can't do it, either...


Jacksonville Jaguars (-1.5) vs Houston Texans + OVER 49

See that?  Bet you didn't know David Garrard had a white wife, did ya?  I didn't think so.  Makes you wonder what else you may not know about the Jacksonville Jaguars, doesn't it?

OK, maybe not, but you don't know, might actually help you in this one.  The Texans are strictly good on paper, and as Kenny Mayne has famously told us, "games aren't played on paper, they're played inside TV sets".  Well inside my TV set, the Texans usually lose games I think they should win.  This is one of those games.  A lot like last week's tilt with SD, actually, which is why I'm again choosing to pair this game with the OVER 49...


New England Patriots (+4.5) @ Pittsburgh Steelers

You were probably a little surprised not to find this game towards the top of the slate, but I have a good reason for that.  Consistency.  Yep, this is always where I put my Sunday Night pick, and I'm not about to let the Patriots force me to stray from that formula...

As for the game, I gotta put the full disclaimer out there.  I hate the Steelers.  It's a "New York Yankee type-I hate you because I admire you", type deal, but it's still hate nonetheless.  And seeing as I don't happen to be one of the Red Sox fans that "hate" the Yankees in the way I described, the feeling of disdain I have for the Steelers and their fans is one that gets my blood up like no other.  I want the Patriots to beat them more than I want them to beat anyone else.  More than the Colts, more than the Jets, more than anybody.  So when it comes to following my advice on this one, consider yourself forewarned...

But just because I've got my Pink Hat on for this one doesn't mean that my pick is without reason.  The Pats may be coming off a tough loss @ Cleveland, but Pittsburgh is dealing with the short week after playing in a very physical game on Monday Night.  More important than the short week, though, is that this year's Steeler team is particularly bad against the pass.  24th in the league, to be precise.  IT's mostly for that reason why I like the Pats to, at the very least, hang around in this one.  I know Tom Terrific and the Patriots offense haven't been their precise selves lately, but a verbal lashing from Bill B. Hoodsworth and a tough week of practice should no doubt have them in top form for their biggest game of the season to date...

Patriots 20 Steelers 17      


Now on to the rest of the slate, featuring an hilarious photo of Rex Ryan doing an imitation of his brother Rob,  and me picking an 0-9 team that's favored by 3 points.  Personally, I wouldn't recommend doing either one of  those things if I were you...




Cleveland Browns (+3) vs New York Jets

Seattle Seahawks @ Arizona Cardinals OVER 41.5

Buffalo Bills (-3) vs Detroit Lions

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-6.5) vs Carolina Panthers

Denver Broncos (+1) vs Kansas City Chiefs


Monday Night


Philadelphia Eagles (-3) @ Washington Redskins

Earlier in the season I correctly predicted McNabb's triumphant return to Philadelphia.  This time around, things won't be so easy for his Redskins against his former club...

Mike Shannahan has a way of making his players fear for their job in an attempt to get the best out of them.  A tactic I don't think was wisely employed when he benched McNabb for the end of the game against the Lions, and one that could eventually serve as the reason as to why this season became a lost cause.  Look, there are really only two ways Donovan McNabb can react from his recent benching and criticism.  He can either come out on fire, guns blazing, or pout his way to the off season where he can take his gripes to the media.  I'm betting on the former happening, which is why I'll take the Eagles as 3 point favorites against a team they lost to by 5 in their own building just over a month ago...


Oh, and did I mention how I've been on fire, lately?  Yeah.  Look at those records, baby.  Nary a single sub .500 one to be found.  Let the paper chasing begin!...


Last Week: 10-4-1 (Top Picks: 4-2-1)

Overall: 65-57-4 (.532)

Top Picks: 33-32-3 (.507)


Lock of the Week: 7-6-0


Auburn's Cameron Newton, or as I've dubbed him "Big Fig", has taken center stage this season with both his play on the field, and his alleged actions off of it.  And while the entire country is left wondering if he took money, or if it will effect his team's eligibility or his Heisman Trophy candidacy, I'm left wondering why people are still making a big deal over this stuff...

Look, you can call me naive, and you can call me blissfully ignorant, but this is how I look at it.  I like my college sports like I like my Taco Bell: Dirty in the kitchen, but delicious on the plate.  I don't wanna know how you make the Double Decker taco behind the scenes, I just want to sit back and enjoy the delectable results.  And I understand the argument that schools that "pay for play" make the game "unfair", but in league where the powers that me have made it blatantly obvious with their handling of the post season that they too are "all about the money", players receiving payoffs seems more like a common business practice than some unacceptable violation...

Hey, maybe it's just the Blue Chips fan in me that enjoys the shady dealings of college recruiting, I don't know.  But to me, this has been, and always will be a part of the game as long as there are disproportional dollars to be made.  IT's just the way the sport has always operated, and Hell, it's just the way of the freakin' world.  The NCAA is one shippin' that dog meat to the Bell, and if there's any action to be taken, it's in regulating in their practices, not doing background checks on every employee...

But hey, you won't hear me complainin', I love that delicious dog meat exactly the way it is...  

NCAA Top 25 Picks
California (+19.5) vs (1) Oregon

(2) Auburn (-8) vs Georgia

Arizona St. (+5.5) vs (7) Stanford

(8) Ohio St. (-18) vs Penn St.

(17) Mississippi St. (+13.5) vs (11) Alabama

(12) Oklahoma St. (-5.5) @ Texas

(15) Utah (-5.5) @ Notre Dame

North Carolina (+3.5) vs (16) Virginia Tech

(19) Oklahoma (-15) vs Texas Tech

(20) Missouri (-13) vs Kansas St.

(22) South Carolina (+6.5) @ (24) Florida

(23) Texas A&M (-3) @ Baylor



Last Week: 6-5-0

Overall: 65-45-3 (.589)



Have a good weekend, friends...


Teddy Williams...
100...


#$>

Friday, November 05, 2010

NFL Week 9 Picks: The Twin City Mad Men


Kevin Garnett and Randy Moss.  The two superstars who honed their skills in Minnesota, only to eventually bring them to Massachusetts, have both been all over the news this week for their behavior.  Or more to the point, for their bizarre behavior.  So before I get to my picks this week, allow me a minute or two to comment  on their recent actions, and per usual put them in their proper light...

First, let's start with KG.  And in case you missed it, here's what he said that's garnered him such negative attention...


"KG called me a cancer patient," Villanueva tweeted. He added that: "I wouldn't even trip about that, but a cancer patient, I know way (too) many people who passed away from it, and I have a special place (for) those."


So according to Pistons forward, Charlie Villanueva, Kevin Garnett, in a bout of smack talk, told Villanueva that he looked like a cancer patient.  KG's response?  He said he called Charlie "a cancer to his team and the league".  Reality?  Garnett definitely called Villanueva a "cancer patient", and Villanueva is definitely a huge bitch...


The first part: While it may seem incredibly insensitive to call someone a "cancer patient", and it is, the resemblance between Charlie Villanueva and a patient just having gone through intense chemo therapy is rather freaking stunning.  And we as fans have been hearing that comparison drawn since he played high school ball with Luol Deng.  Personally, I long ago chose to go with the nick "Black Powder" when describing Villanueva and his Alopecia, but I'm not going to lie to you and say I've never used the "c" word when taking shots at him.  It's just such an easy joke to make, and as I said, the physical resemblance is really quite hard to ignore.  Inappropriate?  Sure.  But no less inappropriate than a lot of other stuff you're gonna hear on the court of an NBA game.  And not the only time you'll hear a person mocked for something they can't help.  Which brings me to part #2...


For better or worse, and mostly worse, talk like this is literally a part of the game.  To use a topical example, trash talking is to the NBA what head shots are to the NFL.  Unnecessary, but inherently part of the game.  If Kevin Garnett said what he said, and I'm fairly sure he did, it was probably only one of several phrases used in that game that we as a public would not find kosher.  Does the league have a problem?  Not in my eyes, but with technological improvements bringing fans closer and closer to the action, it's something they'll probably begin to monitor more closely.  But like I said, it's a part of the game, and it always has been.  I've heard my whole life how big a trash talker Larry Bird was, and even been told numerous times that the stuff he said could not be repeated on air.  So what's changed since then?  It's really pretty simple...



Technology.  And this brings me to why Villanueva is a bitch.  Listen, I know two things to be true.  1) Kevin Garnett is the BIGGEST and MOST OFFENSIVE trash talker in the NBA today.  This we knew even before this incident.  AND 2) When it comes to being offended, it only takes one side.  If someone gets offended, that's it.  The offender doesn't have to agree, it's all on the person being offended.  IF I tell a joke, and it offends you, then it was offensive, plain and simple.  Doesn't matter what I think...


So keeping those two things in mind, here's why Charlie Villanueva is a bitch.  What he did, was back down from a fight, and then run to the cops to tell them he was being harassed.  PUNK move.  In fact, I'm no Urban Dictionary expert, but I'm pretty sure if you looked up 'Punk Move' in said innovative Interweb reference tool, that's probably damn close to the definition you'd find.  That, and a sketchy sexual position that may or may not involve an Ashton Kutcher DVD, but we can't let that get us sidetracked...


Listen, if Charlie said something at the time, or even threw down right then and there, I would understand.  But this running to Twitter is just for PUNKS!  You got a beef?  Settle it like a man, or MOVE ON like a man.  Just don't go running to mommy after the fact, because then you'll always come off lookin' like a bitch...


So what did we learn?  That Kevin Garnett is a two faced capitalist that tries to pass of his racist and prejudiced side as on court "passion"?  That Charlie Villanueva is a hairless bitch, who apparently doesn't adhere to the sticks and stones theory?  That incredibly insensitive things get said during sporting events?  Nah, we already knew both of those things.  At least I did.  So I guess we'll just have to file this under entertainment, rather than news.  A line that a main figure in my next little rant couldn't seem to draw if you spotted them a ruler...




Now it's on to Randy Moss, and for me, this part is pretty simple.  Why?  Well because I've been on top of this thing from the word GO!, my damies.  So take a gander at my updated timeline on the events that transpired to bring Randy Moss to the Tennessee Titans...


1) For some odd reason, Randy Moss set the start of the 1st game of the season as his own personal deadline.  In his mind, the Patriots had until then to offer him an extension.  In reality, that window had closed weeks earlier, which is why I say "for some odd reason"...


2) Randy and his people get word to the Patriots front office that he wants to be traded, and Randy starts to show signs that he may becoming disruptive.  IE, the press conference after the popening game against the Bengals...




3) Here's where it gets weird.  Randy and his people were bluffing with their trade demands, trying to gain leverage, but two key factors helped make the deal a reality.  First, ALL of the Patriots front office really likes Randy Moss.  They didn't want to deal him, but I also think they didn't mind trying to help him out.  Ya know, to help him secure his future with the one final big money contract that they weren't willing to give him.  They also knew that a disgruntled Moss could potentially poison their clubhouse.  Secondly, the trade demand forced Belichick to look at his offense in a different light.  And ya know what, he didn't hate what he saw.  So they figured they could help out a friend, garner a draft pick, and their offense wouldn't be worse off.  With that, he was off to Minnesota...


4) Randy gets to Minnesota, and the 4th game in he comes back to Foxboro to play the Patriots.  In his post game press conference, after catching just 1 ball, Randy says, in no certain terms, that he pretty much wishes he were still back with the Patriots.  The Vikings don't take to kindly to this, along with other purported outbursts, and they cut him...


5) Tennessee claims him with their 23rd waiver wire priority, and here we are.  Oh wait, sorry.  Randy and his agents got the word out that Randy would sit out the season if he weren't happy with the team that claimed him. Then the Titans claimed him.  Now here we are...


It's been as simple as it has been entertaining to watch it all unfold.  It's an emotionally unstable guy, making a bunch of rash decisions, and doing it all whilst pouting and stamping around like a 5 year old.  Pretty standard stuff, in terms of the modern athlete, but fun to watch nonetheless...


What pisses me off about the Randy Moss saga, is the way with which ESPN and ESPN.com run with every story about this guy like it came from the mouth of God himself.  Randy Moss was waived for disrespecting the catered spread from a local restaurant?  I mean, is that really a legitimate story?  And if so, do you really think we're going to believe that's why he got cut?  Come on, ESPN.  I'd have to be an idiot to believe that, and the Vikings would have to be one of the most inept sports franchises of all time for that to be true.  Besides, it's not like there was a shortage of reasons as to why they let him go.  I mean, he did pine for his ex team in a press conference and tell the owner that the coach needed to go.  You think maybe that had more to do with it than his critique of the chicken and ribs?  Yeah, I'd say that's probably a safe bet...


You're better than this, ESPN.  Or at least you used to be.  Or maybe you never were, and I'm just older and wiser.  Either way, you're skewing towards TMZ is beginning to become more obvious, and your stories less relevant.  Never a good thing.  Then again, that's what I've come to expect from the network that made a star out of Mike Greenberg, killed the allure of Rick Reilly, and relegated Kenny Mayne to horse racing and Internet sketches...


So, yeah.  Randy Moss.  Further proof that emotional instability + video cameras = good times.  I might not be sayin' that if the Pats weren't 6-1 and leading the NFL, but they are, so that's how I feel.  Keep on keepin' on, Randy, and see if you can't actually beat the Jets the 3rd time around.  I hear it's the charm...


And speaking of charms, I slayed last weekend and I'm ready to get back at it.  Even had ALL 3 of my LOCKS OF THE WEEK pull through.  The season and I are starting to round in the form, and after this week the dreaded .500 mark should be nicely framed in my proverbial rear view mirror.  So let's have at it kids, and hey!...let's try to keep it clean...                     

Week 9 Picks


New England Patriots (-4.5) @ Cleveland Browns + UNDER 44

A lot of pundits look at this and see a classic "trap", but with all that's been surrounding the Patriots this year I just don't see them falling into one.  Will they lose again this year?  Probably.  Matter of fact, I'll guarantee it.  Just not this week, and not to this team.  The Browns don't suck, mind you, they're just not going to come within a touchdown of the Patriots.  If they can run the ball effectively, the Pats that is, then they'll able to play clock control.  If not, Brady will just pick the Cleveland secondary apart.  Either way, I don't see it being much a struggle...

I say New England 27 Cleveland 13.  And this is from the guy that predicted the total score within 3 points last week, and the total margin of victory within 1.  And needless to say you can label this sucker as my LOCK OF THE WEEK.  That's right. baby.  It's back!  I managed to trick karma last week by not "officially" naming any LOCKs, but this week I'm back.  And if last week was any indication, then this pick should be as good as (the current price of) gold...


Green Bay Packers (-8) vs Dallas Cowboys

Strippers and Meth.  Pretty much says it all, doesn't it?...

Oh and throw "fat idiot" in there.  NOW that says it all...


"I've always wondered, coach. What's 'Norv' short for?"

San Diego Chargers (-3) @ Houston Texans + OVER 50

Seems to happen every year.  San Diego starts out the season playin' like shit, only to turn on the jets and finish strong.  Well, I'm bankin' on last week's win over Tennessee to serve as the catalyst towards another one of those runs.  And the facts that Houston is coming off a short week, and that the spread has doubled since the line opened, also lend credence towards the fact that the Chargers are primed to win this game.  Their 0-4 record may not suggest that, but I'm choosing to point to that as a reason why they're "due".  When in doubt that's always a great line to rely on.  Dude's batting .148? He's due!  Team's 0-4 on the road?  They're due!  See.  It works.  And you know it works...

Oh and my guess to the question posed in the caption?  Norville Redenbacher Turner III.  And I bet grandpa ties a mean bow tie, too.  Like the ones you read about...


Buffalo Bills (+3) vs Chicago Bears

So I was searching Google Images for a motivational poster about the Bills.  Ya know, one that would say how much they sucked and how many Super Bowls they lost?  Maybe a picture of Scott Norwood or a 3rd world kid wearing a Bills Super Bowl champions T-shirt?  Well apparently that was too much to ask.  Instead, when I typed in "Buffalo sucks", I got this tasteful little piece of artwork that's pictured above.  Touche, Bills fan.  Touche.  You're just lucky you're playing against Jay Cutler this week.  Play the Pats again, then we'll see whose mascot enjoys the male fellatio.  Yeah, that's right!  It's just too bad it's not as funny as inferring that a buffalo likes dudes...


Indianapolis Colts (+3.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Final Top Pick of the week brings us to possibly the game of the week in the NFL.  Peyton Manning and the Colts, coming of a big Monday Night win, taking on a Philly team that's welcoming back one Michael Vick...

These squads are both banged up, but that's why I give the inherent edge to the Colts.  It seems every year the Colts suffer through injuries, yet every year they pull guys from their bench and their practice squad that Peyton Manning finds a way to work into the fold.  In years past we've seen guys like Austin Collie and Pete Garcon, and it already appears Jacob Tamme is going to serve as an unlikely, yet typical, replacement for All Pro TE Dallas Clark...

I know it's a short week for Indy, and I know Philly is coming off a bye, but I'll take my chances with Mr. Mo and the 3 1/2 points.  Close game, but the Colts will pull it out...or at the very least lose by 3.  OH!    


Here are the rest of the games that I didn't deem worthy of my time, including the renewal of a old AFL rivalry that has once again found it's way back into relevance.  Oh and I'm pickin' against th Jets again.  Can you say upset special in the Motor City?  I know I can.  And for once that won't be in reference to the outcome of a bum fight...  

Oakland Raiders (-2.5) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Atlanta Falcons (-8.5) vs Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Detroit Lions (+4.5) vs New York Jets

Arizona Cardinals (+8.5) @ Minnesota Vikings

New Orleans Saints (-6.5) @ Carolina Panthers

Miami Dolphins (+5.5) @ Baltimore Ravens

New York Giants (-6.5) @ Seattle Seahawks


Monday Night


Pittsburgh Steelers (-4.5) @ Cincinnati Bengals

Pittsburgh's ugly loss to New Orleans was one thing, but the Bengals just don't have what it takes to make this that sort of game.  Look for Carson Palmer to be hassled from the word GO!, and for James Harrison to provide the hit that knocks him from the game some time around the end of the 1st half.  IF you miss them, both the hit, and Harrison's reaction to it should be playing on ESPN all week long, so I wouldn't sweat it...



Last Week: 9-5-0 (Top Picks: 5-2-0)

Overall: 54-53-3 (.505)

Top Picks: 29-30-2 (.492)

Lock of the Week: 7-5-0

Finally getting back to the norm with on the NFL side, and now it's on to college where the season has been as predictable as ever.  At least from my point of view.  Every week I give you saucy chicks and tasty picks.  So why would this week be any different?  That's right, it's not...


Interesting note: It's near impossible to do a Google Image search using the words "college" and cheerleader" without getting like 10 pictures of Jenn Sterger...who wasn't even a cheerleader, mind you.  Not that I mind seeing her then surgically enhanced milk holders in a tastefully team themed brassiere, I just thought it was kind of funny...

Then again, maybe if Boise St. had an adequate number of photos of their cheerleaders in provocative poses this wouldn't be a problem.  Instead, I'm forced to go with these naughty girls in Boise St. uniforms, and cross my fingers that they are 18.  It's a close call, right?  Then again, it might not matter.  I think Idaho might be one of them "West Virginia-lie" states where anything older than 12 is fair game.  I'd have to double check that to be sure, but for now I think I'm just gonna let it slide.  And WOW I hope that girl in the middle is 18.  I don't wanna go to jail.  And you just know her line is "Wanna see my trick play?".  Dear God...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(2) Boise St. (-21) vs Hawaii

(6) Utah (+4.5) vs (4) TCU

(5) Alabama (-6) @ (12) LSU

(10) Stanford (-9) vs (13) Arizona

(11) Oklahoma (-3.5) @ Texas A&M

Texas Tech (+4) vs (14) Missouri

Indiana (+17.5) vs (16) Iowa

(18) South Carolina (-4) vs (17) Arkansas

(22) Baylor (+7.5) @ (19) Oklahoma St.

Clemson (+4.5) vs (23) NC State

North Carolina (+11.5) @ (24) Florida St.


Last Week: 9-5-1

Overall: 59-40-3 (.593)



So there you have it, friends.  Some viewpoints, some picks, and some underage boo-tay.  All in all, not too bad for a day's work...

I wish you all the best of luck, such that you're good luck doesn't interfere with mine, and I hope you all have a great weekend...

Be good...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>