Pages

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

College Hoops Top 25: I Am...Eldrick Woods


So do you believe in miracles?!?!

Yes?? Well I sure hope so. But if you're under the impression that one of those miracles would be yours truly devoting an entire column to provide a mea culpa in regards to my past comments about the Olympics, then I'm sorry to say you're in for a bigger disappointment than Woody Allen when he realized the person who ate all those hot dogs so fast wasn't actually a chick, and was actually a man in his 30s...

No, my dear friends, I'm here again to break down the ever evolving drama that is the race to cut down the nets. IT's the march towards March, if you will, and with the aforementioned month less than 7 days away, its' time to start guessing about teams, and time to really start formulating opinions. Granted the conference tournaments will help mold those opinions quite a bit, but simply relying on a week's worth of action to base your bracket picks on is usually a recipe for disaster...

Matter of fact, those of you that do choose to go all out during the upcoming conference tournament's in hopes to sound intelligent once the bracket's come out, will more than likely fall prey to a classic bracket busting stumbling block. I won't tell you what that is, because I'm here to help genuine fans, not wannabe frauds, but let me just say the most common mistake made using that fraudulent strategy usually ends up with you cursing a team that's name rhymes with the most popular synonym for "vomit". Seeing as their isn't a "Ralph University", I think we all know which lacrosse and stripper loving school I'm talking about. Although I suppose you could find schools that rhyme with "yak" and "spew", too, but seeing as my point has already been made I think I'm just gonna stop right there...

But before we get down to the deed, and I release the latest version of my Top 25, I do have some other news tidbits to get to. I have some thoughts on Tiger, the Red Sox, Patriots, some thoughts on the Olympics, and even a positive movie review to throw your way. So skip down the page, if you'd like, and check out the rankings, or hang around for a minute or two, and get your extra learn on.

First, we'll begin with Mr. Woods...


In my eyes, as long as he didn't come out and say "Tiger is dead. I am now....Eldrick Woods", then he was probably gonna be OK. It was a controlled environment, there weren't gonna be any questions asked, it was set up for him to look good. So when T-Money crushed his mock presser like a drive down the 18th fairway of any Major of your choosing, I wasn't surprised. He is the public relations master of the sporting world. Hell, of the world, period. Not only was he the perfect spokesperson for his ad men and the hero de jour of parents everywhere, but he was all this while covering up a snatch addiction that would make Wilt the Stilt look like Lance Bass. Now if that's not the definition of great public relations, then I'm not sure what is...

But to Tiger's credit, he did knock that thing out of the park. This wouldn't be the first time an athlete botched a media layup like this, so to his credit he did the damn thing. And to be honest, outside of when he came out like a deer in headlights and almost seemed to lose it mid first sentence, I thought he did a really good job. He seemed contrite, but somewhat vengeful, which I liked. He took just enough time to vilify the media and deny reports about roids, but made sure not to travel down those paths too far as to appear as though he was deflecting. And I liked that, because that seems like a "human response" from someone logically thinking "OK I know I fucked up, but these peeps are assholes, they've gone too far, too, and I'm gonna make sure they know it". I mean, I know he likely didn't write that speech, but whoever thought it was a good idea to toss that shit in there definitely gets a big thumbs up from this guy. And finally, in echoing something I'd like to think I'd do myself, he made it clear that his personal life is his business. He said he hated what he'd done to his wife and children, but that the status of those relationships was something that was none of the general public's business, and something that he and his family would discuss amongst themselves. Another good line...

And that's what we're left to wonder now, with Tiger, regardless of when he plays next and how he answers the waiting media. Because he was such a PR whiz, because he had apparently "spun" his way into our living rooms, how are we to ever again believe anything this guys says? Don't get me wrong, as a guy that's constantly telling his readers to separate the player and the person, I'm not going to stop rooting for Tiger to win, I'm just never again going to trust him when it comes to the all important decision of which razors to buy...

See? Se how silly that sounds? And that's pretty much what we're talking about here, isn't it? You know and I know we're both gonna root for him when he comes back, so what are we really talking about here? We're talking about, how does Tiger Woods go about getting his sponsors back? Answer: By saying all the right things, and doing all the right things...

Right up his alley, wouldn't you say?

We've seen the man behind the curtain, and he's humpin' Toto like there's no tomorrow. Fine, whatever. Let's just get him back on the course. Back to where he;s our, sexhound. We get you're sorry. You're sorry you got caught. Sure, happens to the best of us. But just get your shit in order and get back out there, Tiger. You've already ruined you're credibility and crushed a lot of little kids' dreams, so why don't you do the one thing that still makes us happy and makes you look good. Go out there and beat Phil's ass!

YOU ARE TIGER WOODS. For better, and for worse...


Transitioning to the Olympics, I really only have two brief things to say...


1) Anton Apollo Creed's record 7 Winter Olympic medals might be the most fraudulent record this side of Barroid's cranium. Now I don't wanna take away from how hard he works, or how talented he is, mostly because I don't know enough, but I've seen that fool win at least 3 of those medals because at least 2 guys in front of him were involved in violent collisions mere meters before the finish line. I get that's part of the sport, but come on! That's like winning the dunk contest because everybody else missed their dunks, and you only did a standard windmill or some whack Dee Brown impression. I guess I can chalk it up to another sketchy happening at a sketchy set of events, but I had to say something about it or I just wouldn't be able to live with myself...


2) For the many of you that texted me before, during and after the USA/Canada hockey game telling me how great it was and how stupid I am for hating on hockey, I'd just like to thank you for proving my point. I've contended all along, goin' on a solid 10 years now, that while I do hate the NHL, I DO NOT HATE International hockey. The reason I hate the NHL, is that the talent pool is far too diluted because there are too many teams, and the ice is too small. International hockey? Bigger ice, and fewer, more talented teams. And that's why the moment captured above will still be one of my all time favorite sports memories, and why I won't watch the NHL again until they get with the program, and fix their game...

So yeah, suck it.

PS - I didn't' watch the game. I only watch medal rounds...and I was in my car for most of it...


And finally, before I get to this week's Top 25, I'd like to pass along a positive recommendation of Frost/Nixon. I'd wanted to see it for a long time, and thanks to the good people at the Home Box Office and Comcast, I was able to do so at my leisure this past Sunday morning. This movie's probably not for everyone, but if you're down for good acting and historical drama's, then this film could very well scratch you right where you itch. Great performances from Frank Langella, Michael "No Relation" Sheen, and my main mens 'm them, Sam Rockwell, not to mention a sultry British chick who should be topless at some point, but never is...

If you're worried about not knowing about the background of the Frost/Nixon interviews or thought that Frost/Nixon was Otis Nixon reading Robert Frost poems, don't worry, they do a great job explaining all the historical elements of the events to make sure everyone is up to speed...

I gave it an 8 on IMDB, and I gave The Usual Suspects, Shawshank, Godfather I+II, and Back to the Future II 10's. So you got that as a frame of reference. I think I gave 8's to Joe Dirt and Pootie Tang though, so you might wanna keep that in mind too...

Oh and be prepared to laugh pretty hard when Nixon asks Frost a certain "Tiger-esque" question right before one of their interview sessions. Lord knows I nearly lost it...

But enough jibba jabba, movie talk, and jokes about Otis Nixon and Woody Allen (Dakotis will become a funny name to say later on this column). It's time to do what we came here to do. It's time to size up the field as we head down the stretch. I know I said I'd chat about the Sox and Pats, but I've just flat out run out of time. Besides, there's plenty of time to chat about that stuff. The important thing, is what's right in front of us. The conference tournaments will be starting sooner than you think, and it'll seem like only days until I'm tweeting LIVE from the Big East tournament @ Madison Square Garden...or at least getting my drink on a few blocks away...and likely still tweeting...

We've still got a lot to figure out between now and then, and the best games of the season still to watch. But for now, let's take a look at where I think the country's best teams have positioned themselves going into the most pivotal part of the season. Bids are won, bids are lost. It's a glorious thing. And I for one am having trouble waiting any longer...

So let's get to it...


Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25

1. Kansas (26-1) 1

It's almost fraudulent that I have the Jayhawks here, because no matter what they do this week they won't be #1 if Syracuse beats Villanova. For the record, though, were I handed a bracket right now, it would be tough for me not to chalk the Jayhawks all the way through to their 2nd National Title in recent memory. Then again, I've pretty much picked them every year except for the year they won it, so that might be something of a sign in itself...

2. Syracuse (25-2) 2

I'm all for Kris Joseph bailing out the Orange late in that game against Georgetown, Hell, I've been saying if he steps up it can really put Cuse over the top, but I'm also slightly alarmed that Wes Johnson couldn't be counted on in that situation. Is his hand really still bothering him? Well that's what Erin Andrews reported, clothed or not, I'm inclined to believe her. Granted she said it while reporting underneath the basket where Johnson had just picked up his 5th blocked shot of the half, but it's still worth noting when he was nowhere to be found when G'Town was mounting their epic comeback...

Maybe Boeheim was sour on how Wesley handled the end of the Louisville game, with that horrendous drive to the baseline on their last real possession, and that's why Joseph had the ball. I don't know. What I do know, is that if Wesley isn't ready to go Saturday against Nova, Syracuse could be in for their 3rd Big East home loss of the season. I don't think that'll be the case, but I would like to see him assert himself in crunch time before we enter the terrordome of the one-and-done. I'm sure the 34,000+ expected to attend the Syracuse/Nova game wouldn't mind seeing some of that, either...



3. Kentucky (26-1) 3

I met a Kentucky fan this week, a kid born and raised in Lexington, and we immediately agreed on 3 things...

1) We both love college basketball

2) The biggest threat to Kentucky right now, is Syracuse and their zone defense

3) The Cats might be just a hair too young and immature to be ready to take down the tournament...

Speaking about the last part, I also threw in a "all you need is for Cousins to go Sheed on someone and that could be it in the Sweet 16 or the Elite 8". The kid from Kentucky laughed, I laughed. A bond was formed. A coincidence that Sheed was involved? I would think not...

4. Purdue (23-3) 5

Purdue vs Ohio St. last week? That's just good basketball right there. The Boiler's are so dangerous when their offense is right, and right now E'Twaun Moore and JaJuan Johnson are playing their best basketball. Not to mention white man extraordinaire, Robbie Hummel. I mean we all know how crucial those white guys can be come tourney time. And that's some racism we can all appreciate...

5. Ohio St. (21-7) 6

6. New Mexico (25-3) 10

Yup, I'm not stopping with this "New Mexico thing". That was a term coined by a friend of mine, and 'Nache frequenter, who to his credit has actually seen the Lobos play and just thinks I'm full of shit. Fair enough, my friend, and everyone is entitled to their own opinion. But riddle me this, Bat-Ted. What do you call a 25-3 team, riding an 11 game winning streak, from an underrated conference, with a 15/8/5 guy that nobody this side of the Mighty Mississip has ever even heard of? That, my friend, is what you call a bracket buster...

Here endith the lesson...

7. Villanova (22-4) 4

8. Georgetown (18-7) 8

9. Michigan St. (21-7) 7

The Boiler's and Buckeye's have clearly separated themselves atop the Big 10, but with Izzo at the helm of a team that we all think still has top 5 talent, it'll be a warm and prosperous day in Detroit before anyone with any chops goes writing this team off...

Did somebody say they're havin' squirrel kabob's at the next flaming trashcan? Apparently Thanksgiving does come twice a year...

10. Pittsburgh (21-6) 14

If I wanted to, I could dig into my archives a few weeks back and tell you how it was only a matter of time before the voters came back around on Pittsburgh and Ohio St. But I know you'll just take my word for it. Mostly because you know I'm right, but mostly because I know you're cool like that...

Jamie D's got his boys playin' well, though, and it's never a bad thing come tourney time when specializing in winning close games is your forte...

11. Kansas St. (22-4) 11

12. Duke (23-4) 9


13. Butler (25-4) 15

The Bulldogs have been holding their own both in and out of conference, but I just don't know what to make of them. And beating a less than tourney ready Siena team in the friendly confines of their own gym is hardly something that's going to help me make up my mind...

Somethin' just tells me that despite this team's talent and experience, foul trouble is gonna cost them in the tournament. Whenever I see them play, they always have key guys in foul trouble. How else do you think I got this photo of versatile big guy, Matt Howard? I know that doesn't hold a ton of water when you look at their 25-4 record, but they won't be play Horizon League teams in the NCAA Tournament. Lose a key guy in the Sweet 16, and you'll wish you were picking your nose on the bench, instead of picking which team you want to play for in the Turkish Semi Pro League...

I hope you like lamb, Mr. Howard. And I hope you like it unrefrigerated...


14. West Virginia (21-5) 12

Flat out don't trust these guys either. Huggins has officially turned West Virginia into Cincinnati II, and now has a team full of lanky guys that are as good as they are streaky, both on offense and defense. Not to mention the fact that RI native, Joe Mazzula, is still logging major minutes despite the fact that he is physically unable to take any sort of legitimate outside shot. The guy is shooting free throws left handed, for crying out loud!..

Between Butler, Ebanks and the rest, the Mountaineers have the talent to be a title contender, but like Huggins' teams of yore, they just might not have enough goin' on upstairs to help guide them through the tournament gauntlet...

Kenyon Martin, Da'Sean Butler, Rueben Patterson, Kenny Satterfield. Myron Rolle. Which name doesn't fit? Oh and the Pats are gonna draft Myron Rolle, by the way. He's gonna be the team doctor, and start at corner and return kicks. OH and if you don't know who Myron Rolle is, then Google his ass. Don't leave the Nation, just open a new tab, and come back when you're done. I'll wait for ya...

15. Wisconsin (20-7) 13

16. BYU (25-3) 17

17. Gonzaga (22-5) 16

18. Texas A&M (19-7) 18

19. Texas (21-6) 19

20. Richmond (22-6) 22

I was trying to think of a clever Charlotte's Web reference that I could weave in here because they are the Richmond "Spiders", but I couldn't really think of one. The Spider's are hot right now though, and while most "experts" still have them behind Temple, I think they're far and away the best team in the A-10...

But anyway, in lieu of a C's Web reference (not to be confused with a C-Webb reference), here' a picture of Steve Buscemi and Dakota Fanning, who starred in a recent remake of the movie. Oh and in case you didn't know, Chuck Norris' man meat is what happened to Dakota Fanning's teeth. Or so I read on the Internet. I'm not so sure what Buscemi's excuse is, though, and due to the fact I like him as an actor I sure hoep it's the same as Dakota's. That would be as gross as all of this was relevant...

21. Vanderbilt (20-6) 20

22. UTEP (20-5) 25



23. Utah St. (22-6) NR

True to form, if you're new to the rankings, you're guaranteed to get a little write up. Northern Iowa at 24 below has already got one this season, so I won't bother with them again, but newcomer Utah St. is going to red the red carpet treatment. Well, at least the red, shag doormat treatement...

From the conference that usually appropraitely describes the winner's credibility, WAC frontrunners Utah St. might not have the computer numbers to satisfy the selctions committee, butheir doing their best to make sure they take that decision into their own hands. At 22-6 and winners of their last 12, the Aggies are primed ot play spoiler come tourney time and are ready to fianlly capitalize on their recent run of success. Last year they got a tough draw in round 1 as an 11 against an underrated #6, Marquette, but again look for them to use that to their advantage...

It's as balanced and unselfish a team as you'll find in the country, another strength that should help them down the stretch, but look for them to really make some noise if Junior forward, Tai Wesley, starts to play up to the ability that many scouts think he has...

And if you're still not a fan, they start a guy named Pooh Williams who averages 9 a game and shoots 41% from 3. That's right. Pooh. As in Winnie The. So yeah. Get on board...

24. Northern Iowa (24-3) NR

25. Cornell (22-4) 24


just missed: Tennessee; Temple; Baylor; Xavier; Virginia Tech; UCONN; whoever wins the PAC 10

dropped: (21) UNLV; (23) Baylor

While I won't be attending my 4th ever Syracuse/PC game at the Funkin' Gonuts Center this evening, I will still be there in spirit. What has become essentially an NIT rite of passage the past few years for the Friars has, as usual, "trap" written all over it for the Orange, a pitfall they will hopefully be able to avoid...

As for the rest of the week? Well for me it's all about the spectacle that will be Cuse/Nova, but I'm sure you can find something else to watch if you're so inclined...


This Week's Slate

2/23
Syracuse @ Providence (ESPNU 7 pm)
Georgetown @ Louisville (ESPN2 7 pm)
Illinois @ Michigan (ESPN 7 pm)
Virginia @ Miami
Tennessee @ Florida (ESPN 9 pm)

2/24
Dayton @ Temple
Pittsburgh @ Notre Dame (ESPN 7 pm)
Purdue @ Minnesota
South Florida @ Villanova
Oklahoma St. @ Texas (ESPN2 9 pm)
Texas A&M @ Baylor
Xavier @ St. Louis
San Diego St. @ BYU

2/25
Tulsa @ Duke (ESPN2 7 pm)
South Carolina @ Kentucky (ESPN2 9 pm)

2/26
Brown @ Harvard (AM 790 @ 645 pm Listen LIVE @ www.790business.com)

2/27
Kentucky @ Tennessee (CBS 12 pm)
Notre Dame @ Georgetown (CBS 12 pm)
Texas @ Texas A&M (ESPN 2 pm)
Cincinnati @ West Virginia
Kansas @ Oklahoma St. (CBS 4 pm)
New Mexico @ BYU
Missouri @ Kansas St.
Mississippi St. @ South Carolina (ESPN 6 pm)
Illinois St. @ Northern Iowa
Villanova @ Syracuse (ESPN 9 pm)

2/28
Richmond @ Xavier (ESPN2 1 pm)
Louisville @ UCONN (CBS 2 pm)
Michigan St. @ Purdue
Clemson @ Florida St. (FSN 530 pm)
Duke @ Virginia (FSN 745 pm)

3/1
Georgetown @ West Virgnia (ESPN 7 pm)


There you have it, kids. Another one in the books...

Go Cuse, and here's to hoping to all have a great week...and that Chuck Norris stays away from your mouth...

Teddy Williams...
WJ4P...
100...
#$>...

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

College Hoops Top 25: Live Long and SUCK IT!



Greetings and salutations, my good people, and welcome to another edition of the Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25...

I'd like to start off this week's post by thanking you. Not for reading, or supporting me, or even for being my friend. No. I'd like to thank you for something much more important. I'd like to thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule of watching taped delayed 500m men's speed skating and pairs ice dancing, to take a few minutes to visit my lowly blog. Believe me, I know how entertaining those sports can be, even if you already know the results, so I am honored and humbled that you would step away for even the tiniest of moments in order to humor me with your virtual friendship...

So, did you pick that up. Did ya? Because that, my friends, was sarcasm. Laid on thicker than an old man's aftershave, and every bit as uncomfortably pungent. Flat out, I just don't like the Olympics, and I wouldn't have to keep saying it, if you people wouldn't constantly ask me why, or tell me to stop hating...

But you won't, and I won't, so I guess we'll just have to go on disagreeing with each other. I say the Olympics are for little kids, who have no previous exposure to events like that, and for old people, who have nothing else to watch on TV and long for the days of the Cold War US/USSR battles...

Our generation? My generation? The Internet has globalized our lives, giving the games even lesser meaning. It's easy to be amazed by an Italian skier if you've never seen a skiing competition and have never been to Italy, but since the dawn of the Information Age, a lot of that stuff has lost it's luster. The hype machine surrounding these athletes has not only sucked out all the surprise and I inetintrigue, but its made it so all of these preordained competitors are put in the position where if they don't win its viewed as an upset for the ages. Its not fair to them, its not an accurate representation of what's probably going to happen, its just hype. They know they need it, these sappy, special interest stories in order to get viewers, and while I get that some people like that stuff, I only find it interesting as a side story to an entertaining event, not a headline...

These sports are only showcased once every 4 years because they don't have the popularity to withstand a year round "league". Simply puy, tyhey don't have a large enough following. They've been able to stand on the fact they're unique, hosting a battle of Nations that allows the average viewer to see things they've never seen before, in places they'd only heard about on TV and read about...on the Internet...

Well, for this guy, the mystique has long since disappeared. The curtain has been pulled up, and I've seen the midget standing behind it. In this case, that midget's name is Bob Costas. Ha! Just kidding, Bobby Boy, you tiny Pootie Tang lovin' Olympic bastard...

So amidst all this Olympic bashing, what am I watching? Well aside from the usual fair of adult animated comedies, Nip/Tuck, No Reservations, and whatever documentaries tickle my fancy (just finished one on Katrina as we speak), my televised drug of choice has been none other than the sweet science of college basketball. After all, that's why we're here, right? So let's just cut to the proverbial chase, and get right down to it...

Here it is, the latest and the greatest. It's the Rooch Nation Top 25, tape delay free, and ready for your enjoyment...

Get some...or in the words of Mr. Spock after he won the Galactic Lottery "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you...you're pretty cool...fuck you, I'm OUT! Live Long and SUCK IT!"...

Nah, just kidding. Enjoy...


Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25

1. Kansas (25-1) 2

I'm still not thrilled with their down the stretch scoring options, but this Jayhawk team keeps on winning, and winning convincingly. Even more impressive, is even when they don't play well, like on Monday night @ Texas A&M, they can still find ways to beat some of the best teams in the country on their own floor. That's more than I can say for the Big East's best, these days, and that's why Kansas is my new #1...


2. Syracuse (24-2) 1

As for the old #1, losing to Louisville (pronounced Loo-vuhl...seems we have to do this every year) was by far the worst loss of the season. Matter of fact, I for one was embarrassed at their performance. I sat, watching the last few minutes unfold, and while I rooted for my Orange to pull it out, I honestly didn't really want it to happen. I'm an odd duck, like that. I root blindly for my team, but I can never really enjoy victories that I feel were undeserved, or victories that were given to my team by a crooked official or just an incorrect call...

So while I was rooting for Cuse to lose, I'm actually glad they lost. I mean, imagine one of the most talented teams in the country, already at 24-2, receiving a wake up call in mid-February. Should they actually take to this warning, and begin playing the ball we haven't really seen them play since 17 point home win against Georgetown in late January. Appropriately enough, they'll be able to test this new found resolve and inspiration this week when they travel to DC to attempt a season sweep of the Hoyas...

I'm hoping Jim can lay the Boeheimian Smacksody down, and get the boys back on track, but it's not always that easy when you're dealing with 18-20 year olds. Just ask Woody Allen and Larry King...

3. Kentucky (24-1) 4


4. Villanova (22-3) 3

The Wildcats fell at home, much like the Orange, but the story there might be the resurgence of UCONN more than Nova taking a bad home loss. I'm not sure if it's too late for the 15-11 (5-8) Huskies, but it should be fun watching them make a game of it in the Big East's final weeks...

Good news for Huskie fans is they have 5 winnable games to finish up, and a 9-9/10-8 type Big East record, combined with their hot play of late should be enough to sneak them into the Big Dance. And should they stumble, there's a good chance I'll be there at Madison Square Garden to watch their final gasps for tournament glory as they take the floor in the Big East Tournament...

That's right, your man is workin' on gettin' some tickets. Got the NYC 'Cuse boys on the case, and I got a good feelin' they're gonna make it happen. Worst case scenario, I'll be blogging and tweeting from just a few blocks away. Nothing like a good camera photo from inside the arena though, as this picture from last night's Attleboro/North Attleboro rivalry game most definitely proves. If you don't get it, it's OK. But if you do, you're welcome for that free trip down memory lane...

5. Purdue (21-3) 5


6. Ohio St. (20-6) 6

Much like they did earlier in the year when they finally caught up to where I had Cornell ranked (mid 20s), the voters will eventually come around to my way of thinking about Thad Motta and his Ohio St. Buckeyes. Another poll stigma, and that's not some sort of rash you get if you sleep with a stripper, but another poll stigma is denying teams their just position because of the reputations of the teams ahead of them...

Obviously, judging from my rankings, I don't think Michigan St., Duke, Kansas St. or Georgetown are better than OSU, but it's gonna take those teams losing for the Buckeyes to move forward. Whether the voters actually think they are a better team or not. Again, it's a sad commentary on the system in place, but when you're dealing with people, people with preconceived notions and preexisting relationships, things like this are always going to happen...

Hey, it's an imperfect system, what can you do. Let's just all be glad it's not the BCS, and move on down the road...

7. Michigan St. (20-6) 7

8. Georgetown (18-6) 8

9. Duke (21-4) 11

10. New Mexico (23-3) 13

I know people are still sleeping on the Lobos, but after wins this week @ UNLV and @ Utah, you better have woken up and started to take notice. Don't hit the snooze only to wake up when UNM is dancin' into the Sweet 16. Wake up right now, and take notice...

They're strong with the ball, they're tough, and as of late, they're specializing in winning close games. A team nobody knows too much about, with a random mascot nobody quite understands, that specializes in winning close games? Nah, those teams never win NCAA tournament games / are you paying attention, yet?..

11. Kansas St. (20-4) 10

12. West Virginia (19-5) 9

13. Wisconsin (19-6) 12

14. Pittsburgh (19-6) 14

15. Butler (23-4) 15

The Butler Bulldogs could very well be my biggest enigma in this year's college hoops' season. They've won 15 in a row, but against inferior competition. They beat Ohio St. and Xavier earlier in the year, but that was an OSU without Evan Turner, and merely a 1-point win against Xavier on Butler's home court. Their 4 losses? Neutral court VS G'Town, Minnesota and Clemson, and @ UAB by 10. And outside those 2 mid-December wins against the Ohio's finest, the best win the Bulldogs can probably claim is another 2 point neutral court win against UCLA. 11-13, UCLA...

Good thing the Bracket Buster games are starting up. A home match up against Siena should go a long way towards telling us how good Butler really is, and what their chances are come tourney time...

16. Gonzaga (21-4) 17

17. BYU (23-3) 18

18. Texas A&M (18-7) 22

A tough battle at home against the #1 Jayhawks legitimized the Aggies as a tournament team in my eyes, and their presence in the Top 25 boosts the Big XII up right next to the Big 10 as the Big East's step children. Not one of the red-headed step children like the A-10, but one of those normal colored-head step children that are allowed to eat at the table and aren't forced to sleep on the cement floor in the basement...

19. Texas (20-5) 21

20. Vanderbilt (19-5) 23

21. UNLV (19-6) 16


22. Richmond (20-6) NR

Speaking of red-headed step children, the Richmond Spiders are now the Daddy Warbucks to the rest of the A-10's Little Orphan Annie's. A 17 point home win against Temple got the ball rolling, but 2 road wins this week, including a 2 point victory @ URI, and the glare off the top of their rich, bald heads is getting too much for the rest of the conference to handle...

OK, at only 1/2 game, their conference lead is tenuous at best, but with a starting back court averaging more than 30 points per game, and the team currently riding a 6 game winning streak, I think they're gon-na like it here....in the Top 25 that is...

What? You were expecting a hard knock life reference? Who am I, Jay Z? Well I'll tell you this right now. If I'm Jay Z, then Beyonce not only has some explainin' to do, and I have a lot of New York Yankees gear that I have to burn...

23. Baylor (19-5) NR

24. Cornell (21-4) 20

If you want to dismiss the Big Red because they lost @ 4-15 Penn this past weekend, feel free. Just know that I've far from written them off. It was an ugly loss, this is true, but one game does not a season make. Especially if that game is at the toughest venue the Ivy League has to offer...


25. UTEP (19-5) NR

New to the Top 25, it's only fair I give you a few words on the UTEP Miners...

Now the kings of Conference USA, UTEP's found it's way into the ass end of the Rooch Nation Top 25 thanks to 9 straight wins and a 55 RPI. Whoa, first time I've mentioned RPI all year, right there, kids. Must be gettin' close to the tourney. And hey, if you feel like gettin' your learn on, and crunching the same numbers the selections committee will use come that fateful Sunday, check em' out righ here - http://insider.espn.go.com/ncb/rpi

But back to the Miners. Not only are they the owners of impressive computer numbers and a nice winning streak, but they can flat out put the biscuit in the basket. They're averaging more than 78 a game, with all 5 starters in double figures, and they're only allowing a touch over 63. Granted they don't exactly have any wins that are gonna impress John Q. Hoopsfan, but if 9-2 Richmond in the A-10 is getting respect, then the same is deserved for a 10-1 team in Conference USA. At least, that's my logic...


just missed: Temple; Northern Iowa; Mississippi St.; Wake Forest; Tennessee; Virginia Tech; UCONN; Utah St.

dropped: (19) Tennessee; (24) Northern Iowa


So there you have it, kids. And I must say, for whatever reason I'm extra proud of this week's rankings. No reason in particular, I guess, it's just I feel good about what I've just done. Kinda like I feel every year after I've just finished filling out my bracket. Matter of fact, I just decided right now that when I do fill out my bracket, if I get stuck, I'm gonna come back to this week's rankings and use them as some sort of virtual tiebreaker. Hey, I gotta do something to help stop this 4 year losing streak I've been on, don't I? Desperate times, man. Desperate times...

As for you guys, the best way for you break your personal drought, or to start a new winning streak, is to watch as many games as possible. So if you have any time once you've finished watching taped delay pairs ice dancing, Id' advise you give a few of these games the good 'ole once over...

Make sure to keep an eye up for the myriad of Bracket Buster match ups (games scheduled mid-season to give lower conference teams a chance to pad their resume), your usual smattering of big conference showdowns, and one of the most anticipated Ivy League games since the advent of the shot clock...

Enjoy...


This Week's Slate

2/16
Wake Forest @ Virginia Tech (ESPN2 7 pm)
Kentucky @ Mississippi St. (ESPN 9 pm)
North Carolina @ Georgia Tech

2/17
Purdue @ Ohio St.
Florida St. @ Virginia
Texas @ Missouri (ESPN2 9 pm)
South Carolina @ Arkansas

2/18
Syracuse @ Georgetown (ESPN2 7 pm)
Vanderbilt @ Mississippi
Pittsburgh @ Marquette (ESPN2 9 pm)
Wisconsin @ Minnesota

2/19
Cornell @ Harvard
Old Dominion @ Northern Iowa (ESPN2 7 pm)

2/20
Siena @ Butler (ESPN2 11 am)
Morgan St. @ Murray St.
Baylor @ Oklahoma St.
Tennessee @ South Carolina
Texas @ Texas Tech (ESPN 2 pm)
Georgia Tech @ Maryland
Illinois @ Purdue (ESPN 4 pm)
Kentucky @ Vanderbilt (ESPN 6 pm)
Wichita St. @ Utah St. (ESPN2 12 am)

2/21
Villanova @ Pittsburgh (CBS 12 pm)
Ohio St. @ Michigan St.
Northwestern @ Wisconsin
Marquette @ Cincinnati
Virginia Tech @ Duke (FSN 745 pm)

2/22
West Virginia @ UCONN (ESPN 7 pm)
Oklahoma @ Kansas (ESPN 9 pm)


Have a great week, everybody, and lemme leave you with this one peice of advice. If you're looking for images to portray how much you dislike the Olympics, don't type "Olympics suck" into google images. That is, unless, you want a picture of a nearly nude Homer Simpson peeling a strip of bacon from a living and what seems to be a happy pig. IF you're looking for Pete Rose in his underwear, on the other hand, I can advise you that "Pete rose haircut" is exactly the search term you're looking for...

Adios, muchachos, and I'll catch you on the flipman...

Teddy Williams...
WJ4P...
100....

#$>

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

College Hoops Top 25: You Told Me So, or So You Say...


You know, it's funny. For two weeks I couldn't find anyone that wanted to bet with me on the Super Bowl, yet now I can't find a single person that didn't pick the Saints to win. Weird, right?

Turns out all of my friends and colleagues must have had a change of heart literally minutes before the big game began, and missed out on a golden opportunity to take an extra $20 or so off of yours truly. My good fortune I suppose, or maybe it's just more of that legendary gamblers' mentality...

You know, how you never hear that anybody ever loses when they gamble? Like when someone comes back from the casino and you ask them how they did, and they say they broke even? That means they lost, doesn't it? Like me, for instance. If you've run into me the past few days, I'll not only tell you I lost betting on the Colts, but that I made most of my money back playing poker while the actual Super Bowl was going on. Now in my case that happens to be true, as I'm always straightforward about my losses so I can bemoan my luck, but you get what I'm sayin'. Nobody ever wants to say that they lost, because they feel embarrassed. It'd be smart if they
mixed in a "loss" story now and again so we'd actually believe them if you ever did win, but feel free to keep living that lie and convincing yourself that we all think you're such a great gambler...and that you just "choose" to drive that shitty car around and drink the cheapest beer known to mankind. Right, we get it. You'd just rather not spend your millions on trivial things like that. Totally understandable...

But anyway. It was one thing if you wanted the Saints to win, or you wanted the Colts to lose, but unless you have a betting slip to prove the size of your cahones, running around saying "I called it", is every bit as annoying as the childhood classic, "I told you so"...

But hey, I had a great time watching the Super Bowl with my friends, and it was a great game, so I can't really complain. Well, I could, but I said last week that if I had a good time watching the Super Bowl then I couldn't complain if I lost, and I'm gonna stick to my guns. Ya know, except for the fact that I just ripped a ton of you for rejoicing in the Saints win...

...Which really wasn't my intent. I get the anti-Colts sentiment, and am happy for all of you that find joy in Peyton's loss, just don't tell me you called it. I just won't believe you. The $20 still residing in my wallett tells me your full of...well..you're full of whatever substance you personally would find the most vulgar and disgusting...

See that? That's cursing without cursing, friends. Something new I came up with. Kinda like the new hashtag I invented on Twitter. I call it, the "pay it forward" hashtag, and it looks like this #$>. For those that don't know, hashtags allow you to search for and trend things on Twitter, and can sometimes serve as almost a page to a certain group of followers. My intent, with the "pay it forward" hashtag, is just to create a symbol that everyone can use in response to a tweet they believe is an example of someone paying something forward. Not looking to become famous with this thing, obviously, but I think it's a cool notion, and a damn cool lookin' symbol, so I'm on board. Plus, I invented it. And last night I had a dream that I helped invent the Delorean, but I'm already way too far off topic to start delving into my dreams....let's just say there was a talking monkey involved, and he may or may not have had an Australian accent, and may or may not have been the one driving the car most of the time...

As for the Super Bowl, just a few things before I roll on to this week's Top 25...

Between the Colts' missed 51 yd FG, and the Saints recovered onsides kick to start the 2nd half, it should be clear who the better coach was in Super Bowl XLIV. Granted if the Saints miss that onsides kick, Sean Payton doesn't look so hot, but it worked, so that's that. As for Caldwell opting for a 51 yd FG when he has the league's best QB and the league's oldest kicker? That my friends, is a genuine head scratcher...

Other than that, the game was very entertaining. I missed most of the commercials because I was busy playing poker, but I'm getting the feeling I didn't really miss too much, so I'm OK with it. I saw The Who, and while I love them, they're just too old at this point. Townshend more than held up his end of the OVER 5 1/2 windmills, but between Daltrey's bare midriff, his failing voice, and the bands just overall decrepit looking condition, it's just not the same. I guess it's not their fault their aren't enough relevant rock acts to take their place, but it still doesn't make it right...

So that's it. The NFL season is officially over, and like you, I'm already counting the days til Yahoo! sends me my fantasy football reminder, and getting ready for the draft. Both real, and fantasy. This year has barely ended, and we're already primed for the next. It's great. I've already got 2 bets in on the Packers (12/1) and the Chargers (8/1) to take down next year's Super Bowl, and rest assured I'll be here every week to monitor those wagers and discuss everything else going on in the Nation's new favorite past time. Not this Nation. Your Nation...

In this Nation, every sport takes a back seat to college hoops. Which is why I'm now more than pleased to bring you this week's edition, of the Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25...

Enjoy...

Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25

1. Syracuse (23-1) 1

Seems like I'm not the only one out there thinking The Orange are deserving of more love than they're getting. Check what ESPN's, Pat Forde, has to say about the 'Cuse and their coach...

http://sports.espn.go.com/ncb/columns/story?columnist=forde_pat&id=4895869

Forde talks about Boeheim's career success along with the meteoric rise The Orange have had this season. It's a solid article, and the fact that he recognizes their length as the main reason for their success is what should give him ultimate credibility. Guy knows his stuff...

2. Kansas (23-1) 5

The Jayhawks are starting to grow on me with their physical play and their consistent success. Still not thrilled about their offensive weapons when it comes to crunch time, but I'm starting to get the feeling they're gonna figure it out before all is said and done. Besides, If I'm talkin' Cuse, and I'm talking Title, it's only appropriate that the Jayhawks should be in the mix...

3. Villanova (21-2) 2

They proved in being blown out at Georgetown that they can be outrun and outscored, but they proved in winning @ West Virginia that they're excellent at imposing their will. They may have the best stable of guards in the country, right now, and in a tournament where it's usually all about guard play, that's going to make them extremely dangerous, and a popular pick to make their 2nd straight Final Four...

4. Kentucky (22-1) 3

5. Purdue (19-3) 6

6. Ohio St. (18-6) 11

Evan Turner's averaging 23 points a game over his last 8, a span in which the Buckeyes are 7-1. Hey, I know they're about 10 spots back in the other major polls, but with Turner playing like this, and OSU's solid defense, I'd like to see those 10 other teams take them out on a neutral court. March is for stars, and this year in Columbus, they have one of the brightest one's in the country...

7. Michigan St. (19-5) 4

8. Georgetown (17-5) 8

9. West Virginia (19-4) 7

The loss @ home to Villanova was a little more disconcerting than you'd probably think. Per usual, it's not that they lost, it's how they lost. 'Nova was able to jump out to a lead, and immediately Mountaineers became a one dimensional group of 3-point shooters. When they're driving to the basket, they're a great team, but when they're just playing the "Da'Sean Butler and a bunch of 3's" game, they become very beatable. I bet Huggins can get their heads right with a few shots of Jack and a night on the town, but another stinker like that, win or lose and I might start losing a little faith...

10. Kansas St. (19-4) 10

11. Duke (19-4) 12

12. Wisconsin (18-5) 15

13. New Mexico (21-3) 17

14. Pittsburgh (18-6) 14

I'm not moving the Panthers from 14 because I don't wanna have to move them back up here when they start beating people again. Hey, you know it's gonna happen, I know it's gonna happen, so I say, why fight it? And plus, you really telling me you'd pick Butler in a neutral site game against the Panthers right now? Of course you wouldn't. And while most of that has to do with the fact that you don't know where Butler is, and don't trust to pick a team that's not a college basketball "blue blood", I think you'd still be correct in taking Pittsburgh to win...

15. Butler (21-4) 16


16. UNLV (19-4) 25

They may not have Larry Johnson, Stacey Augmon, Anderson Hunt, or Tark the Shark...or Hell, even Long Kruger's kid...but this UNLV squad has more than just the catchiest nickname and most bookies per dormitory. This year's Runnin' Rebels, still coached by Lon Kruger, are 19-4 in an underrated Mountain West, and after a drubbing of conference leader BYU, find themselves in a 3-way tie atop the conference with the Cougars and the New Mexico Lobos. Now, people are starting to take notice. Junior Tre'Von Willis leads the way at more than 18 a game, but as usual Kruger is doing it with defense and depth. Right now the Rebs have 11 players averaging 11+ minutes per game. And oh yeah, they're hot, having won 7 of their last 8...


17. Gonzaga (19-4) 24

I kind of dismissed this Zags team to start the season, but Mark Few and his boys are startin' to make a believer outta me. Senior Matt Bouldin is a savvy, gritty scorer who hearkens back to the days of Stepp and Santangelo, and Elias Harris, Steven Gray, and Robert Sacre lead a frontcourt that will allow Gonzaga to get physical with nearly any team in the country. I still worry a bit about the inferior competition in the West Coast Conference and their tendency to go cold from the field, but if they can continue to perform like they did on the road against a tough Memphis squad, then like I said, I could become a believer...

18. BYU (22-3) 13

19. Tennessee (18-4) 22

20. Cornell (20-3) 20


21. Texas (19-5) 9

Remember when UCONN played Texas and it was like the biggest game of the week? Yeah, me either. Another week like this, and those two teams could play naked in Central Park and not draw a crowd. Not a crowd of basketball fans, anyway. Pervs and crackheads, yes. But not basketball fans....

...OK most NBA fans would be down. And Spike Lee would probably be sitting courtside in a lawn chair watching the whole thing, he himself naked, thinking of some way to turn this whole charade into a movie, and how on Earth he was gonna find a role for John Turturro. Maybe he could play Rick Barnes. I know they don't look alike, but for a guy that's played Jews, Italians, Puerto Ricans, you name it, I don't think being a white guy is gonna be much of an issue. Plus, he already played a basketball coach in He Got Game, so I figure he's got it covered. No Rick Fox this time around though, Spike, if you please...

22. Texas A&M (17-6) NR

The Aggies are the only team to don this week's rankings that haven't made an appearance yet in 2010, so I figure I'll give them a little ink...

Beating Mizzou, who hadn't lost at home in forever, really opened my eyes. I know Mizzou isn't Kansas or Texas, but that's still a damn good win, and a game that "on paper", the Aggies really shouldn't be winning, That'll always boost your cred with me...

Of their 6 losses, only the one @ Washington (64-73) in late December really stands out. The other 5, (vs WVU, vs New Mexico, @ Kansas St., @ Texas, @ OK St.) really aren't that bad. Sure you'd like to see a few more marquee wins, but I get the feeling it's only a matter of time. Led by Senior guards, Donald Sloan and Derrick Roland (currently injured), coach Mark Turgeon's boys are an experienced team, and one that could come on strong and become a real player in the Big XII as the season winds down...

23. Vanderbilt (17-5) 19

24. Northern Iowa (21-2) NR

25. Temple (19-5) 21

URI is #30 in the rankings! URI is #30 in the rankings!...


just missed: Georgia Tech; Baylor; Florida; Siena; Illinois; Wake Forest

dropped: (18) Georgia Tech; (23) Baylor


And there it is, ladies and gents, the penning of my latest piece of prophetical pontification, straight from my brain to your eyes. I don't have time to give you the heads up on this weeks' big games, as I have the proverbial "bigger fish to fry", (not to mention I need to re-read the P section of the dictionary) but I'm sure if you direct yourself to you're local cable box or DVR, I'm sure you'll be able to take care of business. If not, then I'm not sure what I can do for you. Well I do know, but saying what I would do here would only hasten my prosecution should I ever actually go through with it...

Have a great week, everybody. We're just a few Johnny Queir Olympic ads and triple sow cows away from pitchers and catchers, so hang in there. Let college hoops be your methodone to the Heroin of the pink-hat Olympics. It'll get you through the

tough times, let you keep your integrity, and avoid making you look like a fool when you get high and attempt to go curling on the half frozen pond in the woods behind your house. Trust me, I've seen it happen, and it can get ugly. So be careful...

And seriously, that kid still doesn't have feeling in any of the 3 toes on his right foot that they let him keep. And his socks haven't fit right since...

Teddy Williams...
WJ4P...
100...

#$>

Friday, February 05, 2010

Gots To Get My Props...


Greetings, greetings, my good friends, and welcome to the 2010 edition of the Rooch Nation Super Bowl Prop Betting Spectacular!...

Well, to be fair, it's not really a "spectacular", as I'm only going to make about 5-7 picks, and to call it the "2010 edition" isn't really accurate either, seeing as the only other time I've done something like this was right before the Super Bowl in 2008. Either way, whatever you wanna call this sucker is fine by me, as long as when you're referring to it, it's in a sentence explaining how it was you won so much money this year. Because that's what I do. When it comes to betting on the Super Bowl, I win. End of story...

Here, check my track record...

2001: Took the Ravens straight up for $50

2002: Took the Pats and the points for yet another $50

2003: 3 separate $25 bets on Tampa Bay = $75 winner

2004: Teased the Patriots with the OVER/UNDER, this time netting nearly $100

2005: Another Pats tease with the OVER/UNDER, another $100 winner

2006: Steelers and the points, $75 in the bank

2007: Colts + points + Peyton MVP = about $80 winner

2008: Took the UNDER + the Giants to cover in a tease, and added a Tom Petty prop for a total of nearly $175 - would have been $225 if not for the Pat's not covering themselves...

2009: Cardinals to cover, Steelers to win: $60


See? A decade of winning, and nearly $800 to show for my efforts. Freakin' sweet. Now Granted most of those bets were rather small, some of them actually went against my "official pick", and virtually none of them contained any serious props, but winning is winning dammit! And besides, you have to brag while you still have the chance. I failed to take advantage of those rites while I was steamrolling people to the tune of 9 NCAA Tourney pool titles between 1997-2002, and I've never forgiven myself. Especially considering that since 2002, the best I've done in any tourney pool is 2nd, and that's happened just one time...:-(

But never mind that. I'm sure I'll return to my bracket-licious glory in just a month or two, and I'll be able to retroactively sneak it in with my other accomplishments and make them seem like they represented a true era of dominance. You know, like if a team wins back to back, then wins another one 3-4 years later? You always hear "3 titles in 6 years", or whatever. Yeah, right. And the Red Sox have 8 World Series Titles....

Let's live in the here and now, baby! "The past is past and the future's now!" And if you know what Christopher Walken movie I just took that quote from, then you're a far cooler person than I've probably ever given you credit for, and I won't have to go out of my way to stab you in the eye with a soldering iron...Dang!

But enough of that. You cam here to dance, so let's dance. Here they are, $100 worth of picks sure to line your wallet this weekend. Either with bad betting slips, or sweet, sweet casheesh...

Enjoy, and Good luck...


Super Bowl XLIV

First and foremost, let's start out with the meat and potatoes...

Indianapolis Colts (-5) vs New Orleans Saints ($25)

Win pays ($25)

I'm taking the Colts straight up to start things off, and you'll find that my overall betting success is going to depend on whether or not they actually pull this sucker off. And not for nothing, but if they don't win, and I lose my $100, I'd be willing to bet that the Saints make it entertaining enough that I won't even care. In a perfect world, they would win and I would have the confidence to bet on them to do so. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. This just in...

Fact is, I just think the Colts are the better team, so I'm picking them to win. Their slightly better on both offense and defense, and combined that with their experience and I think they deserve every inch of that 5 point edge, and then some. New Orleans might be a deserving opponent, but when you need Brett Favre to hand you your tickets to Miami on a tray holding a wounded duck he had killed during his latest Wrangler Jeans shoot, that's less than encouraging. It can't be that often that a team playing in Super Bowl is coming off a game in which they were outplayed in their own building...

Either the Colts score early, and are able to control the clock the rest of the way, or they win in some sort of shootout. No matter which scenario, I feel comfortable enough with Indy's advantage to take them straight up with the points. If you're trying to bet the OVER/UNDER, I'd tend to go UNDER, but if you read on that is a problem for which I have the most elegant solution...

Teases/Parlays

Here's where you can "tease", or alter, the #'s on two separate bets equally, and parlay them together. I'm choosing to take a 5-point tease on this game, teasing the Colts to an EVEN money favorite, and adjusting the OVER/UNDER to cover myself on both ends...

Indianapolis Colts (pick) vs New Orleans Saints + UNDER 62 ($20)

Indianapolis Colts (pick) vs New Orleans Saints + OVER 52 ($20)

Win pays ($56) each

Might seem dumb to take both of these, but there's a chance I can win both, and I like my chances of at least walking away with one of them, and getting at least half of my money back. These will also work with a lot of the Indy (-5) results that would net me and additional $25 thanks to my first bet...

Again, the logic here is that I strongly feel the Colts are gonna take it down, and by teasing them to an even money favorite, and taking 5 points on both sides of the OVER/UNDER, I believe I'm put myself in a good position for success. And by success, I obviously mean lootros, lootros, ghali...



Game Props

MVP

Pierre Garcon: 10/1 ($10)

Robert Mathis: 40/1 ($5)

With all the obvious choices getting less than ideal odds for the type of bankroll we're dealing with, you wanna go for guys just outside the norm that could realistically take the hardware home. I like Garcon because he's a good player, obviously, but I also like him at 10/1 because he was all that good Haiti karma goin' for him right now. And I don't mean to make little of the situation in Haiti, it's just that this wouldn't be the first time for a player to be inspired by something in their life that wasn't necessarily football...

As for Mathis, it's not outside the realm of possibility that with a dinged up Freeney, he's the Indianapolis D-lineman that takes charge. After all, he was an All Pro too. And laying $5 to win $200? Well that's a bet I'm going to take more often than not...

Garcon win pays ($100)

Mathis win pays ($200)


First Points

IND Defense/Special Teams: 15/1 ($5)

NO Defense/Special Teams: 15/1 ($5)

Win pays ($75)

Kind of like the Mathis bet, it's short money for a pretty nice return. Plus, it will make you look like a gambling genius if this hits right out of the gate. No matter what the outcome of the rest of your bets, people will remember you as a winner in 2010 if you take one of these, and hit it to start things off. Hell the bean dip won't even be cool enough to eat and you'll be dancin' around like the proverbial fool that you are...

....and who are you kidding, anyway. You know the fact that the bean dip hasn't cooled yet won't stop you from burning the top of your mouth with it the second it's removed from the microwave. Mmmmmm. It burns so good...


Gatorade Color

Red: 10/1 ($5)

And what better to satisfy that flaming mouth, than a nice cooler full of Gatorade. Odds are pretty much the same across the board, with "lemon/lime" and "water" (what the Colts used last time) the two favorites, but I like the added color of the red. And again, @ $5 to win $50, you can't really go wrong...

...and you can thank me later for not making a "flaming mouth" joke...

Win pays ($50)

"The Super Prop"

And here she is, the $5 Super Prop. It's all the water cooler favorites tied together in one big mess of a parlay. Sure you have to sweat through a lot to make this baby happen, but at a more than 30/1 payout, I hardly think it's too much to ask...

Carrie Underwood National Anthem: UNDER 1:42

Opening Coin Toss: Tails

# of times Eli Manning shown LIVE: OVER 3

# of times Archie Manning shown LIVE: OVER 4

# of Pete Townshend halftime guitar windmills: OVER 5 1/2

Peyton Manning MVP: 10/17

Win pays ($155)


So there you have it, kids. You can turn $100 into more than $600, and all while watching a bunch of commercials that hopefully contain half nude spokes models, plenty of talking animals ,and if we're lucky, the return of Little Penny. What? A man can dream, can't he? 80 to 1 says Little Penny shows up. Who wants action? Huh? HUH?!? I didn't think so...

Oh, how I long for the days when Tyra and Janet were both hot and sane, and both the NBA and Spike Lee were both putting out entertaining material. But that, as usual, is another topic for another time...

Good luck to you all, and I'll catch you next week...FOOL!

Teddy Williams...
WJ4P...
100...