Friday, November 22, 2013

Week 12 Picks: Butt, and to the Left...

That's the best GIF ever, up there. Something I'm sure you're aware of, seeing that I've already posted it many times even though it's only been existence for a few months. And I post it again to remind you all how big of a lying fraud Alex Rodriguez is. He went on Mike Francesa's show to plead his case after storming out of his meeting with MLB mediators, and so I'm posting this GIF of the 'Don of the DC' again because I think it accurately depicts how hilarious the whole situation is. I could have gone with some sort of JFK tribute pic, I suppose. It being the 50th anniversary of his assassination, and all. But I think this is better. And that's really all I have to say about the matter. Which is to say, I basically just wanted to post this GIF again, and that was my weak explanation. As if that GIF needs an explanation...

It's also the 1st anniversary of GIF #2 in the Rooch Nation Hall of Fame...

See that? Butt, and to the left. BUTT, and to the left. Yeah. Mostly Lee Harvey ASSwald, am I right? Yeah, I'm right. Never forget, friends. NEVER FORGET!

OK. Enjoy the picks, kids...

Week 12 Picks

Denver Broncos (-2.5) @ New England Patriots


Yeah, he is 9-4 against him. But only 4-4 in his last 8.


Meh, looks like he's gonna play.


Exactly. Show ponies and unicycles...

Every Brady/Manning match up has the potential to turn into an instant classic. But that's just too skinny a number not to lay with the best offense in football. I'll hold out hope for the instant classic, though. You know Tommy B will be fired up about the Monday Night loss and out looking for blood at home. They score first? He'll be head buttin and fist pumpin in the end zone. But that's another thing. Coming off a short week and having to play the best offense in football with your extremely dinged up defense? Yeah. Gimmie those points. Besides, I'm basically 0-for the Patriots, this season. So I really can't lose. Which is always nice...

Pittsburgh Steelers (+2) @ Cleveland Browns

These fans in Cincy get it. Except for the fact that they basically live in some sort of Kentucky/West Virginia bastard state. It's like some sort of Meth riddled Bermuda Triangle, down there. But, whatever. We're not here to talk about the Illest of Natty's and their "Natty Ice". Because if we were, I would have branded this blurb with a picture similar to the one below...

Miami Dolphins (+4) vs Carolina Panthers

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+9) @ Detroit Lions

That, right there, is "Florida Man". Or, at least, that's the photo accompanying the profile of @_FloridaMan on Twitter. One of the best follows you could possibly add to your feed. I mean, not that you'd be "surprised", per say, by the crazy shit that's going on, down there. But it's nice to be reminded now and again how fortunate we all are that we don't have to call "Heaven's Waiting Room" home. Mostly because a lot of junkies seem to be getting into an abnormal amount of physical altercations with alligators. But mostly because apparently those unkempt gator wielding invalids are about as common on your average Florida street as a Starbucks or a Dunkin Donuts are back here in the normal world. And that's not hyperbole, friends. It's fact. You're goin' to Florida? I'd roll like Woody in Zombieland. No need to bring an annoying Jewish kid, though. Especially since you could just pick up his grandfather once you got down there if you were really jones'n. Oy!..

Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) vs New York Jets

Back to where the "chosen people" spend their former years, we find the Jets possibly on the verge of completely falling apart. And even if that's over stating things in the grand scheme, they did just blown out by the Bills. And since when has that been acceptable? Well, I'll tell you when that was. And it's been pretty much every year since Joe Willy limped out the door and into Suzy Kolber's arms...

What? The Jets suck. I don't care if they beat the Patriots by fiddy!

New York Giants (-2.5) vs Dallas Cowboys + OVER 44.5

And then, there are the Giants. Who very well might be the best team in the NFC East right now. Not sure how you'd know, seeing as all those teams are so suspect. But they are winning games. So there's always that..? Meh, whatever. I said they were gonna rip off a bunch of games in a row, and here we are. So, here we are. Besides, no matter how many times Eli spits the bit, you know Romo is gonna spit it right back at him. Like Roger McDowell, crouching behind a Shea Stadium bush and hocking a magic loogie at Cosmo Kramer. Giddy up!...

Green Bay Packers (-4.5) vs Minnesota Vikings

Kansas City Chiefs (-4.5) vs San Diego Chargers

Chicago Bears (+1) @ St. Louis Rams

Jacksonville Jaguars (+10) @ Houston Texans

Tennessee Titans (-1) @ Oakland Raiders

Arizona Cardinals (-2.5) vs Indianapolis Colts + OVER 44.5

Monday Night

San Francisco 49ers (-5) @ Washington Tedskins

So I went lookin' for some sort of Peter Griffin/Robert Griffin photo, and I found this. So I'm goin' with it. It's topical, it's funny. I like it. And I like it when Canadians get taken down a peg or two. All high and mighty with their circular ham and police with their mountain-y hats. Ooooooo we have guns, but we don't have any violence. Yeah, of course there isn't any violence! Mostly because nobody wants to steal your pile of snow or your circular ham! Freakin' Canada. Actin' all bootleg European. And right on our border! It's really quite embarrassing. Mexico's embarrassed, too. You know, because they think they also border Canada. Yeah. Not the best schools, down there. But you've gotta admire their spirit! OR at least their cocaine. Yeah, let's admire that...

Oh, and since I'm mentioning Family Guy, here's this...

(the part where Jackie O'Cheese starts eating the remnants...)

Last Week: 3-9-3

Overall: 82-79-8 (.509)

This week's theme is "Underdogs & Underboobs". Next week, "Scandals & Animals". OR more likely something that also has to do with scantily clad ladies. Preferably in soft drink or snack food themed t-shirts, too. Matter of fact, if I find a chick in a Mr. Pibb half shirt I'm likely to just lose it. Even Pibb Xtra would probably get me at least halfway there...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(11) Oklahoma St. (+9.5) vs (3) Baylor

Arizona (+20.5) vs (5) Oregon

(24) Mississippi (+2.5) vs (8) Missouri

(9) Texas A&M (+4.5) @ (18) LSU

Northwestern (+7) vs (13) Michigan St.

(14) UCLA (+2.5) vs (19) Arizona St.

Minnesota (+16.5) vs (16) Wisconsin

Last Week: 6-3-1

Overall: 56-46-4 (.547)

There you have it, friends. Hope you enjoyed. And while I had a lot of "fun" today at the expense of the assassination of JFK, I hope I didn't offend. Wasn't my intention. It was obviously a tragic day for our country (not you, Canada) and I only make light because I feel it's obvious I'm not mocking the man's death or condoning murder and/or terrorist-type ideals. After all, laughter helps the healing process. And if you don't buy that, then just accept that some events become stitched into a social fabric, and become fair game and above reasonable criticism. So there...

Enjoy your weekend, friends. And I'll catch you on the flipman...



Ktomasso said...

What do I have to do to prove that Florida is a wonderful state? You say it like the occasional meth lab explosion, bath salt incident, unjustified / somehow justified murder and child pornography ring is a bad thing. We're just trying to give the media something to talk about so they don't have to spend all their time talking about Heisman Trophy candidates accused of rape from the premier university in the state of Fl.... shit. Goddamnit, this state is crazy. #FREEJAMEIS!

cara menggugurkan hamil said...

now present in your city

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