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Friday, January 15, 2016

Divisional Picks: Gold + Locks...


Well, my damies. You lucked out. Because I was, in light of the recent nominations, going to go on a rant about how convoluTed and easily manipulaTed the nomination process is for the Academy Awards. But then I remembered that I was still personally offended that John Turturro hadn't been nominated for Miller's Crossing, and that Oscar Isaac wasn't nominated for Inside Llewyn Davis. Ya know, despite my not having seen Miller's Crossing until more than a decade after it came out and my being just shy of 8 years old at the time the awards were handed out. But yeah. I'm offended. So I don't care. That, and I find awards shows boring. But it's more righteous to claim that I'm offended and that I'm participating in some sort of boycott, so here we are...

Oh, and I'm fully preparing to have to add Jennifer Jason Leigh in The Hateful Eight to my cache of anti-Oscar weaponry. No way she wins, despite giving a performance for the ages. Maybe next year she can get a role in whatever style-over-substance flick Inarritu has planned (see: Birdman, The Revenant), and finally grab her some well deserved Oscar gold. But the fact that Rachel McAdams' completely forgettable performance in Spotlight is even being mentioned in the same breath as the maniacal bitch-goddess that is Daisy Domergue, gives me no hope that the voters will get this one right. That, and there's a better than decent chance that Rooney Mara is worthy for her performance in Carol, which I've yet to see. Though I tend to doubt her character is nearly as memorable...

Either way, awards are dumb. Unless you can point to them in order to prove an argument at a bar, cookout, holiday party, or any interaction in which you're hell bent on impressing an ignorant stranger. Then. Well then, my friends. They're worth their weight in gold...

Good luck in search of your own gold this weekend, my damies. And I'll catch you next time...

Divisional Picks


Kansas City Chiefs (+5) @ New England Patriots + UNDER 43

I hate to side with Andy Reid on the road over Bill Belichick in a playoff game, but everything I've seen and heard over the past month, from injuries to nude romps through police station parking lots, tells me the Patriots are struggling a bit. And more importantly, they're struggling to score. And when you can't score, it's awfully hard to cover the numby. Not matter how fat and gingery the opposing coach may happen to be...

Arizona Cardinals (-7) vs Green Bay Packers + UNDER 50

I thought Green Bay was going to lose last week to the Tedskins, while the Cardinals are now the Vegas betting favorite to win it all. GranTed, Arizona's last performance at home, which was a whoopin' at the hands of Seattle, didn't exactly inspire awe. But Green Bay isn't Seattle. And that 212 yard "resurrection" from Aaron Rodgers last week wasn't nearly enough to convince me that the Pack are back on track...


Carolina Panthers (-1) vs Seattle Seahawks + OVER 43.5

Which refuse-to-lose QB will single-handedly drag his team into the NFC title game? That, my friends, is the question. Or at least it's the laziest and most convenient narrative. Which puts it right in my wheelhouse! I'll take Cam in a shootout, even though both defenses are very good, and Seattle has only given up like 1 offensive TD in its last 5 road games or some nonsense. Whatever. I want it to be a shootout, with both QBs making great plays whilst running for their respective lives. And I want Carolina to win. So there...

Denver Broncos (-7) vs Pittsburgh Steelers + OVER 39

With Antonio Brown now ruled OUT, the Steelers are thoroughly screwed. As in, I honestly have no idea as to how they plan on moving the bean up and down the field with any sort of consistency. So, barring Mar'taint'vis Bryant coming down with a few more grundle grabs in the end zone, I figure the Steelers get crushed. Which should all but guarantee that they secure a shady backdoor cover. So act accordingly...


Last Week: 1-2-1

Overall: 130-112-10 (.536)


#BAGSMUNMAN

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