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Friday, October 17, 2014

Week 7 Picks: Roy-als With Cheese...


So, yeah. Apparently we live in a world where the Kansas City Royals never lose. Which definitely feels weird, but a good kind of weird. Like how you might feel when your favorite sports radio show randomly has on one of your favorite actors, simply because they'd been talking about one of his movies the day before. Something that actually happened this week on the nation's top rated sports radio show, The Dan Patrick Show...

They had been talking about Pulp Fiction on Tuesday, celebrating it's 20th anniversary. And as is often the case with great radio, Dan and his Danettes wandered down a tangential rabbit hole that led them to discussing great "bit parts" and the actors that play them. Which then led them to calling legendary character actor (and Syracuse's own) Frank Whaley, who you may or may not remember from such roles as fake Lee Harvey Oswald in JFK, young Archie Graham in Field of Dreams, Jimmy Hoffa's killer in Hoffa, and of course Brad/Brett up there from that legendary scene pictured above in Pulp Fiction (I hear he has a big brain, whatever his name actually is). And not only did Whaley answer the call and agree to come on a sports radio show for no real discernable reason. But he came on and absolutely CRUSHED it. Telling jokes, reflecting on Pulp's 20 years, and giving insights towards the great actors and directors he's worked with, including Marlon Brando, Quentin Tarantino, and Oliver Stone...
#BangBiscuit

It was just great radio, and really highlighted both the best sports radio has to offer, and why I've been such fan of great sports radio for all of my adult life. Because sports radio should just be talking about life, with a focus on sports. I'm not saying hosts need to espouse on EVERY social issue of the moment. But sports for sports' sake just gets annoying, and it really contributes to the bandwagon hopping and forgetting of the past. You gotta just start with sports, and see where it takes you. And allow it to take you down unique and interesting paths, as it did here...

Unfortunately, the DP Show is now the exception to the talk radio "rule" of yelling, bandwagon jumping, and playing stale YouTube clips for cheap laughs, instead of the high standard for which others should hope to achieve. But that's just all the more reason for me to celebrate them and their excellence. Which is what I just chose to do, rather than launch into planned rant in which I was going to compare hazing to the "reply all" function. So, yeah. You can thank Frank & The DP Show for that, too. Because that was gonna get ugly. And by "ugly", I mean you Teds need to STOP SEXUALLY VIOLATING YOUR FRIENDS AND STOP REPLYING ALL WHEN YOUR RESPONSE DOESN'T CONCERN EVERYONE YOU'RE RESPONDING TO!!!

OK, there. Killed all those birds with that one final boulder. Props to Frank and the good folks at The Dan Patrick Show, though. It's their hard work that keeps me entertained, and helps to keep lit the ever fluttering flame that is my faith in humanity...

Now, onto the picks. And you'll need a little faith here, yourselves. As last night's whiff with the Pats left me at exactly .500 for the 2014 season. But that's OK. Because you're not here because of my stellar record, you're here for the insight and the wit! And for the cool headlines I justify by mentioning the Royals in the first sentence, yet never again. And pictures! You're here for the pictures! Which I made bigger, this week. Though I'm not entirely sure why...

So yeah. Let's get to doin' all that stuff, so you can be on your merry way. OR, to paraphrase Peter Griffin, 'Without further dudes, let's read this thing'...

Enjoy...


Week 7 Picks

Indianapolis Colts (-3) vs Cincinnati Bengals

It's probably only because I've seen them more than I've seen the Cowboys, but I'd have to say the Colts are the most impressive team I've seen so far this season. They're defense isn't elite by any stretch, but Trent "3 yard" Richardson aside, they might have the best offense in the NFL. With Drew Luck likely your front runner for MVP. He should really start going by "Drew", too. So then there can be t-shirts that say "I KEEP IT ON THE D-L!" for which I can hate on. Unless an attractive woman happens to wear that shirt whilst showing an aggressive amount of cleave. In which case game obviously on...


Atlanta Falcons (+7) @ Baltimore Ravens

New York Giants (+7) @ Dallas Cowboys

Here's my reactionary parlay of the week. Call it the "Chief of Police of Malibu parlay", if you will. That's a reference to The Big Lebowski. And even though Frank Whaley wasn't that particular film, it's still a quality reference...

Yeah, I don't really see either of these teams realistically pulling out their respective much needed road wins. But the public is just too hot on both Dallas and Baltimore after their recent convincing wins. And there's no way I'm tossing myself in with that lot. Bunch of Teds...


Jacksonville Jaguars (+5.5) vs Cleveland Browns + OVER 44

Speaking of Teds, we've got what could easily be considered the Ted Bowl going on this week down in Florida between the Jags and the Browns. And I'm predicting a shady shootout, because that's what the Ted Bowl should produce. That, or a game where the score somehow ends up being 7-7 without either team having scored a touchdown. That would be cool, too. And we'd even cover the numby! Fall just a bit short on that over, though...


Seattle Seahawks (-6.5) @ St. Louis Rams + OVER 42

The following has happened to me three times in the past 2 seasons:

*I've picked a 3+ point underdog that NOBODY else in my picks league has picked (everyone has to pick all of the games)

*That underdog has started said game with 2 or more unanswered touchdowns

*Said underdog has failed to cover the spread

That Rams became the 3rd team on that list, last week, after failing to cover the 3.5 despite getting out to a 14-0 lead at home. So now, they're dead to me. At least until I need them to help me spite some other squad that I'll feel as done me wrong. In which case I'm sure they'll do quite nicely...


Chicago Bears (-3.5) vs Miami Dolphins

Matt Forte is probably right up there with Andy Luck for MVP. Piling up yards on the ground and somehow leading the league in receptions. And while the Dolphins impressed last week with their performance at home against Green Bay, they don't have the benefit of the bye OR of being home in this one. And that should help push the Bears that half point further than the Packers were able to go...


San Francisco 49ers (+6.5) @ Denver Broncos

The Broncos didn't exactly inspire confidence last week with their near loss to the Jets. But the Niners haven't really inspired all that much confidence all season...minus their 2nd half shredding of the Rams. RAT! BASTARDS!!!

But the Niners have been winning, and winning with the same style of play that gave the Broncos trouble last week (namely the staunch D and the mobile QB). And as long as they don't fall behind 14-0, they should be in it til the end. Unless of course I switch my pick at the last minute, and everyone else takes San Fran. In which case they can totally fall behind 14-0 if they want. Probably even 21-0! Freakin' lucky Teds...


As for the rest of the Sunday slate. I like Bills to breakout against the Vikings terrible D and the Panthers to keep pace with Green Bay if Kelvin Benjamin actually suits up. The rest is just window dressing. Because windows need dresses, too. Preferably something with a plunging neckline...

Detroit Lions (-3) vs New Orleans Saints + UNDER 48.5

Buffalo Bills (-5.5) vs Minnesota Vikings

Carolina Panthers (+7) @ Green Bay Packers

Tennessee Titans (+5.5) @ Washington Tedskins

San Diego Chargers (-4) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Arizona Cardinals (-3.5) @ Oakland Raiders


Monday Night

Houston Texans (+3.5) @ Pittsburgh Steelers

Remember how the Rams became the 3rd team in 2 years to give me the ultimate screw job? Yeah, well the Texans are actually BOTH of the other 2 teams, having pulled the trick twice last year against the rival Indianapolis Colts. In spots EXACTLY like this, matter of fact! Yay! Good news is, I can't see ALL of my picks league actually taking the Steelers to cover. But, then again. I never have any idea what those Teds are thinking. And they are Teds of the highest order, make no mistake...


Last Week: 8-11-0

Overall: 51-51-0 (.500)*

*includes Thursday night Twitter picks



Katy Perry was great when she appeared on College Gameday a few weeks back. Her music is still terrible, but she sure makes for some good watchin'. From tossin' corndogs pre game, to standing on a bar and taking shots post game, she represents everything that's right about the wanton enthusiasm that sports should ultimately be about. Not to mention that she's smokin' hot. At least she usually is, when she's not dressed up like Bjork's little brother. Remember Bjork? Yeah, me neither. But here are my picks, and a busty Katy Perry...

Oh, and lest we forget. Jameis Winston is still Ted #1...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(5) Notre Dame (+12) @ (1) Florida St.
No bra? NO MERCY!!!

(3) Mississippi (-16) vs Tennessee

West Virginia (+9.5) vs (4) Baylor

(7) Alabama (-11.5) vs (21) Texas A&M

Washington (+21) @ (9) Oregon

Arkansas (+3.5) vs (10) Georgia

(14) Kansas St. (+8.5) @ (11) Oklahoma

(15) Oklahoma St. (+9) @ (12) TCU

(17) Arizona St. (+3.5) vs (23) Stanford

Boston College (+6.5) vs (24) Clemson


Last Week: 4-6-1

Overall: 24-26-2 (.481)


And that's it for me, friends. I'd advise you to watch the World Series this weekend, but they're taking 4 days off. Mostly because baseball does everything slowly, and nobody watches anymore. At least that's what I read on the Interwebz...

Have a good weekend, Teds. And I'll catch you next time...


#BAGSMUNMAN

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