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Friday, September 12, 2014

Week 2 Picks: When Push Comes to Shove...

"Forget the myths the media has created about the White House. The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand" 
That's "Deep Throat", the notorious Watergate mole from Woodward & Bernstein's 'All The President's Men'. And as was pointed out on Twitter, you can simply replace 'White House' with 'NFL' and it would rather eloquently sum up the Ray Rice/Roger Goodell debacle. A perfect storm of mismanagement and misunderstanding that has led to one of the most controversial stories in NFL history...

Mismanagement, because Goodell fucked this thing up from the jump. Maybe his arrogance got the best of him, maybe he's inept. It doesn't really matter. Either way, he should be canned. Not like his replacement will be any better, but if the league wants to maintain any semblance of credibility, then he simply has to go...

And misunderstanding, because apparently the public at large doesn't completely understand what the term "domestic violence" entails. OR that women don't just randomly fall unconscious in elevators without cause. Because if that weren't the case, then we wouldn't have had to been shown the actual video before people started seriously questioning the way the league treats domestic violence. It's like Donald Sterling all over again. It was one thing to tell the people (over, and over, and over again), and it was another thing to let them listen. OR in this case, "watch"...

For years, athletes have been reprimanded for "domestic violence" (Floyd Mayweather has been "reprimanded" to the tune of being the world's highest paid athlete). But now that the public has actually seen what the domestic violence entails, they're less likely to stand for it from figures in the public eye. Combine that with the completely inept and/or dishonest manner in which the investigation into Rice's actions has been handled, and people are lighting the torches and readying their pitchforks. We want a body. We don't really want "change", mind you. But the illusion of it would be nice. You know, so we can continue to sleep at night while still enjoying a game of with which we've become hopelessly addicTed. It's like if your weed guy beat his wife. Would you really stop buying from him if he were the only slanger in town? Of course you wouldn't. We'd like to think we would. But we wouldn't. Because we need that fix, and the NFL is the only dealer in town that can accommodate our collective wants. They might not meet our ideal moral standards, but they don't have to. Because they know they've got us by the collective balls...

And that's what all of this should come down to. Do you really care? Because if you do, you'll boycott the league until they prove to you that they've actually changed their views towards women and domestic violence. A desire that shouldn't be satisfied by the league firing Goodell OR their hiring of an "independent" investigator, but by their immediately instituting reasonable policies that don't treat the beating of women less severely than they do the chronic use of a "drug" that's legal in 2 states where the league does business...

Personally, I don't really care. OR more aptly put, I'm not the least bit "outraged" or "surprised". Yes, I'm against the beating of women. And yes, I'm against dishonest business dealings. But I also know what I'm signing up for when I watch professional sports. And I also always assume, as the quote at the top so succinctly states, that just because these are people in power, doesn't necessarily mean they're all that bright. Call it a negative outlook if you must. Call it defeatist. But I don't hold these athletes and businessmen up as role models, and I don't go to shit every time they don't turn out to be the rock my world was built on. I know that sounds apathetic, but I just don't expect the most moral behavior from the most popular and powerful people in the world, because I know they likely had to break a few legs to get there. If you do, then it's time you start holding your professional sports leagues and teams to a much higher standard. Beginning with a boycott of the NFL...

So, yeah. Fire Goodell (or don't), and throw a few "women's day" events at the stadiums. That should satisfy the masses until they forget why they were pissed, and then we can all move on until we meet again for the next one. Because there won't be any dramatic changes, and there will be a next one. That' just the way these businesses work. And the sooner we all start accepting that fact, then the sooner we can actually get to forcing them to change. If, after all, that's what we really want. Which, despite all recent sound and fury, I tend to doubt we actually do...

But go ahead, America. Prove me wrong. Prove. Me. Wrong...

Now, speaking of being proven wrong. It's on to this week's picks!...

Week 2 Picks

New England Patriots (-3)
 @ Minnesota Vikings

The Patriots looked like shit in the 2nd half, last week. Getting dominated on both sides of the line of scrimmage, and seemingly lacking any sort of offensive or defensive identity. They're too talented for that to happen a second week in a row. At least I think they are. IF they're not, then this will probably be one of the last time that you'll see them getting points on the road. So jump on that, if you're of that opinion...



Buffalo Bills (+1) vs Miami Dolphins

Jacksonville Jaguars (+6) @ Washington Tedskins

Tennessee Titans (-3.5) vs Dallas Cowboys

Now with this trio, I'm doing something that I'm unwilling to do when it comes to my Patriots. And that's radically change my opinion of them based on 1 measly game. The Titans, Bills, and Jags all proved more competitive than I originally thought, and I'm willing to bet that they keep that going for week 2. That, and their collective opponents (minus Miami), looked like complete ass in week 1. Something I tend to believe they'll continue trending towards in week 2 as well...


Atlanta Falcons (+5.5) @ Cincinnati Bengals

This is the strangest line of the week, which usually means you should take the favorite (and from what I read all of the sharp action is pouring in on Cincy). But I'm a glutton for punishment, and a fan of Hard Knocks. So I'll be doing no such thing. Matt Ryan and the Atlanta offense looked too good for me to be spotting 5+ to anyone. Saving maybe Seattle on the road...


Green Bay Packers (-8.5) vs New York Jets

The Packers are a lot like the Patriots. I'm still pretty sure they're one of the best teams in the league, but they better get to proving that after laying such an egg in week 1. GranTed, they had a more difficult week 1 opponent than New England. But, either way, they're due for a bounceback. And I expect them to bounce all over the Jets en route to their first win of the season...


San Francisco 49ers (-6.5) vs Chicago Bears

And on Sunday night, I like the Niner chances of taking care of the Bears much the same way they took care of the Cowboys. Yes, the Bears are a lot better than Dallas. But the Niners are elite, and elite teams don't lose at home. Especially not in prime time (OR at least that's the distinct feeling I have). Yes, it's a big number. But it's nothing a defensive TD won't take care of. And I think we all know that Jay Cutler has a pick six coming somewhere in his immediate future. OR maybe a strip sack. Yeah, it's gonna be a strip sack...


Now, onto the rest of the slate. Highlighted by one the of funniest photoshopped pictures I've seen in quite some time. Mostly because if reminds me of Christopher Walken and the way he says "this watch was your birthright". Ah, yes. Great movies are great. And none of the actors ever beat their wives, which means you can watch their films with a clear conscience. So there's always that, too...


Cleveland Browns (+6.5) vs New Orleans Saints

New York Giants (+2.5) vs Arizona Cardinals

Detroit Lions (+2.5) @ Carolina Panthers

Seattle Seahawks (-6) @ San Diego Chargers

Denver Broncos (-13) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Houston Texans (-3) @ Oakland Raiders


Monday Night

Indianapolis Colts (-3) vs Philadelphia Eagles

Andrew Luck. Freakin' bastard covers the backdoor more often than an obese nymphomaniac. And while he won't have that chance this week, with his team favored by 3. I still wouldn't be surprised to see him lead another 4th quarter comeback that ultimately gives his team the win. Then again, this is usually how he screws me. By convincing me to take the Colts just a week after he ruined my week with a 1/2 point backdoor cover. FREAKING. RAT. BASTARD. But, whatever. As has already been determined, I'm a glutton for punishment. So glut on, my damies. Glut on...


Last Week: 10-6-0



And wrapping up, we have this week's smattering of picks from the land of the learned. No domestic violence here! Well, at least not this week. And who would want to hit those lovely ladies, anyway? I know I wouldn't. Unless you mean "hit" like the kids say. In which case I would totally hit that guy kid guy guy. Assuming, of course, that those ladies are of age. Which I'm assuming they must be, OR Al Gore would have never let them on his world wide network...


NCAA Top 25 Picks
(6) Georgia (-6) @ (24) South Carolina

(7) Texas A&M (-31) vs Rice

(9) USC (-19.5) @ Boston College

Texas (+8) vs (12) UCLA

(16) Arizona St. (-15.5) @ Colorado

East Carolina (+11) @ (17) Virginia Tech

(20) Missouri (-9.5) vs UCF

Virginia (+6.5) vs (21) Louisville


Last Week: 3-4-0


And that's it for me, friends. Good luck to you in your weekend ventures, so much as your interests don't conflict with mine. And I'll catch you next time. Be good...


#BAGSMUNMAN

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