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Tuesday, April 15, 2014

I'm Back, Bitch! Wubba Lubba Dub Dub!!!


Greetings, my damies. I'm back! Just like Mad Men! And on #PootieTangTuesday*, no less!

Now, unlike Mad Men, I was only gone a few weeks. As opposed to a few years, or however the Hell long those rat bastards let Breaking Bad steal the spotlight. Too long, I know that much. But I'll get into that, as I get back into the groove. With a few news and notes, and whatnot. You know, ripped right from the Tedlines and such. Enjoy...

*not a thing...yet #PTT


First, the Final Four:

Now, I'm sure there were some of you out there was due to some embarrassment due to the NCAA championship being between two teams that I explicitly warned you not to pick before the start of the tourney. And you'd be wrong. But that's what I would have guessed, too. So good looks on that. I certainly wasn't inspired with what amounted, in my eyes, to a D-League style match up. But to call that a catalyst for my hiatus would be going a bit too far...

As for the game itself, and UCONN's taking down of the title. I must admit I was a little apathetic. Mostly because there's no way they represent one of the best teams in the country, but only a team that won a year end tournament. But mostly because I watched the game with a UCONN fan that spent a good chunk of the contest mispronouncing the name of one of the only Huskies in history to now lay claim to 2 National Championships. He's still my very good friend, this Huskified Ted. But, yeah. That certainly didn't help boost what was already my waning interest...

The good news is, I'm living proof that you could have followed me tourney advice and still walked away an NCAA tourney pool winner! Or you could have at least broken even, because that's exactly what I did. And not like one of those Teds that always breaks even at the casino, either. I actually broke even. Despite not having either of the finalists even sniffing the Final Four. So, yeah. Go me. And go you, too. Although chances are you ended up a donating. Because, let's be honest. I got lucky to even see dollar one. And not just because my picks were suspect, either. Nope, I benefitTed from someone in one of my pools not reading the rules correctly! Yeah! GO LITERACY!


Next, we have baseball:

First, the Red Sox. And my thoughts on them are rather concise. This is about as talented team as last year, and that team won all of their 1 run games and had harnessed all the mojo north of Nawlins. If this team can do that, then I like their chances to repeat. If they can come close to recapturing that magic, then they should contend. If they're only mediocre in close games and don;t play inspired ball, then it will probably be a disappointing campaign...

But that's all pretty basic, and more or less true of any competent squad. What might jump up and bite this Red Sox team, is the injury bug that they were able to so strategically avoid during their World Series run. Already, Uehara and Pedroia are showing signs of wear. And we're only 3 weeks in...

There's good news, though. Mostly in the form of Sizemore, Bogaerts, Pierzynski and Napoli. And if you believe that Ortiz and Pedroia will eventually show up in their usual big way (I do), then that should be enough offense. And the pitching should be fine, too. Though the .273 batting average against is a tad bit disconcerting. To put in perspective, league average is about .240. So, yeah. That's no good. But they're also 3rd in quality starts, with 9. Which means, yeah. It's too early to try and make anything of those numbers. The staff looks worthy of a contending team, though. All except for that greasy haired hipster. He's a shady start away from some shady retroactive DL stint and I think we all know it...

I'm exciTed for the season, though. As is my wont.  And I've fought back the apathetic urge coming off the unlikely title, and readied myself for another exciting summer. I hope you have, too. If for no other reason than so I don't have to hear about Xavier Bo-ay-gerts, come playoff time. Just call him Xander Boo-GOTS! And let that serve as your password into my inner circle. Or mostly it will give me less cause to tweet about you on @WickedReTweeted. A handle I'll likely be too lazy to ever use. But, yeah. It has potential to be wicked funny, guy...


Also, just a quick thought on the early returns of instant replay. It's bad, and it's unlikely to get any better. Mostly because, unlike with football, baseball managers are more or less encouraged to argue with umpires in an animated fashion. But mostly because the current replay system hasn't really done anything to remove or refine the human element involved in the game. Which is supposed to be the whole freaking point!

I'm not sure how to fix it, either. Especially since the problem isn't in the process so much as it's that the "rules" of baseball don't exactly jive with being picked apart by a video. Right or wrong, good or bad. The current system just isn't making things better. And even worse, it's early ineffectiveness may only cause the league to implement stricter standards and more cameras. Then we're just a strike away from robot umps. It's a slippery slope, friends. And unfortunately I think we've already begun the long slide down...

Freakin' robot umps. They're the rat bastards of the robot world. And you know this...MAN!


And finally, here are some TV notes. Including thoughts on the reemergence of Mad Men, the premiere of Silicon Valley, and the unstoppable force that is Rick & Morty. Though my thoughts will likely be brief, meaning they probably didn't even need this introductory summary. Meh, either way...

First, the Madness:

It was great to see Don and Roger back, and doing their respective things. Though this episode was a little too Cliff note-y for my liking. Making sure you saw all the story lines, with convenient little reminders of the past laced throughout the entire thing. That's necessary with these long layoffs, I realize that. But I'm of the opinion it's basically a waste of what's already such limited airtime. Not that it was a bad episode, but I think you get my gist...

It's great to have the best show on TV back on TV, though. That's for sure. Criticizing Mad Men is just the ultimate in nit pickery, anyway. So I'd rather just sit back and enjoy the ride, rather than try to pick it apart. And I'll use the time I'm saving to come up with other awesome terms like "the ultimate in nit pickery". That's a winner, and you know that's a winner. So feel free to use it at your own discretion...


Unfortunately, Mike Judge and HBO's Silicon Valley does not appear to be a winner. Love me some Mike Judge (Office Space, King of The Hill), and I love me some HBO. But my early reaction to their take on life in the US tech hub is that it's either not funny enough on paper, or the actors aren't getting enough out of the material. Translation: I haven't literally LOL'd once through 2 episodes, and that's a pretty big red flag. My only fallback, is that I didn't like (and still don't like) the early episodes of King of the Hill, and that became one of my favorite shows of all time. So there's always that. Though to say that I'm holding out hope OR expecting that to happen with Silicon Valley would be a flat out lie. Barring an appearance by Stephen Root, of course...

Yeah, I know. Bummer...


As for Rick & Morty, it continues to be the jump off. As evidenced by this line from the latest episode:

"It's like the N word and the C word had a baby, and then it was raised by all the bad words for Jews."

That's just funny, right there. No context needed. Although it does suck that last night was the season finale. Rat bastards. Getting me hooked and whatnot. But that's why I'm presuming either Al Gore's brother or son created DVR. Which is just fantastic. Those freaking Gores. Always inventing useful shit. So now I can watch Rick & Morty all summer long, BITCH! WUBBA LUBBA DUBBA DUB!!!


Closing things out. Here's a great read about living poker legend/gambling BOSS, Phil Ivey, using a sexy Asian, a manufacturing flaw, and a bunch of inept employees to allegedly "cheat" casinos out of upwards of $20 million (and that's only recently). It's a shady situation, at best. But it makes for a cool story, bro. And who doesn't love a cool story...bro?

OK, and now to really close it out. I'd be remiss if I didn't congratulate Bubba Watson, on what was an impressive 2nd Masters title. And recognize the 1st anniversary of the bombings that took place at the Boston Marathon. I don't like to buy into commercially corrupted slogans like "Boston Strong", but I'm also not a cold hearted bastard. That was a tragic day. And those who lost their lives, along with those that risked theirs to save, deserve our respect and deserve to be honored. Which is what I just did, at least in my own way...

OK, Teds. That's it for me. Hope you enjoyed, and I'll catch you next time...


#BAGSMUNMAN

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