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Saturday, December 27, 2014

Week 17 Picks


Happy post-Merry, my damies! I'm off for the weekend. Attending some nuptials ON Long Island, actually. Hopefully this time I won't get cut off by Ron Popeil on the Long Island Expressway. Yeah, maybe this time it'll be Tony Robbins or that ferret looking creep from the ShamWow commercials. Either way, I'm not one to leave you hanging just because I have a male friend that thought it would be a good idea to hold a wedding on a weekend during football season. So here's my take on which degenerati you should be putting in your body as we head into 2015. Good luck to you all, and I'll catch you next year...

Week 17 Picks
New England Patriots (-4.5) vs Buffalo Bills + UNDER 45

Indianapolis Colts (-7) @ Tennessee Titans

Miami Dolphins (-5.5) vs New York Jets

Minnesota Vikings (-5.5) vs Chicago Bears + OVER 44

New York Giants (-2.5) vs Philadelphia Eagles + OVER 52

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+4) vs New Orleans Saints

Washington Tedskins (+6.5) vs Dallas Cowboys + UNDER 50

Baltimore Ravens (-10) vs Cleveland Browns

Houston Texans (-9.5) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Carolina Panthers (+4) @ Atlanta Falcons + OVER 47

Oakland Raiders (+14.5) @ Denver Broncos + UNDER 49

Detroit Lions (+7.5) @ Green Bay Packers

Arizona Cardinals (+6) @ San Francisco 49ers

Seattle Seahawks (-12.5) vs St. Louis Rams

Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5) vs Cincinnati Bengals


Last Week: 10-6-0

Overall: 134-135-3 (.498)


College Playoff Picks
(1) Alabama (-9) vs (4) Ohio St.

(2) Florida St. (+9) vs (3) Oregon


2014 Season: 75-60-3 (.554)


#BAGSMUNMAN

Friday, December 19, 2014

Week 16 Picks: Lo Ho Ho!...


Happy holidays, my damies! And here's my gift to you. Lindsay Lohan, dancing around in a bra, sweater, and some sort of Christmas themed hat. Ho ho ho indeed! Am I right? Yeah, I'm right. But that doesn't make me love her any less. And if nothing else, you gotta appreciate a celebrity that can just throw shit at a wall in an attempt for attention, and not bring the world to the brink of nuclear terrorati abomination. Freakin' Rogen and Franco. Oh yeah, I can't believe an enemy of ours got upset when you mocked the leader of their government AND their religion! I mean, who would have thought that government and religion were hot button issues?! Freakin' Teds. But at least we've got LiLo here to bring some levity to the situation. And some freckled thighs and breasts. Which are really the most important things, here. Things that, if we ever let terrorist keep from us, then they indeed would have ALREADY WON THE WAR!...

And now I'll try to win the war against a .500 record. All while using Big Red's bouncing bosoms up there as my inspiration. I mean, hey. If she can make a comeback, then why can't I? Hmmm? What's that? Oh, you're saying she hasn't made a comeback yet? Interesting. OK, well then allow me to return the favor, and show her what coming back is all about! And no, Lindsay. That wasn't a typo. No, sweetie. The words "on her" weren't supposed to precede the word "back". Yes, I'm sure. Come on now, babe. This is a family column...

And I'm sure about these picks, too. So ho ho ho let's go go go!...

Friday, December 12, 2014

Week 15 Picks: Beating The Whiz...


You hear it all the time. "Don't piss on my head and tell me it's raining". A colorful way of saying, "Hey, don't bullshit me. I'm not an idiot". Which is also a colorful phrase. Because apparently all of the good words are "colored". Certainly sounds racist to me, but that's a battle I'll have to fight on another occasion...

Yeah, so you hear that all the time. Yet, as recent behavior would heavily suggest, those who have actually risen to the top of the business ranks in professional sports have gotten there by whizzing their respective ways right along the yellow highway of prosperity. Namely, the Red Sox front office, and our main man Roger Goodell, up there. They operate under the assumption that none of us are smart enough, or care enough to actually call them on their urination. And they're right to think that, because when it comes to sports entertainment, we all more or less have the attention span of a ferret on crystal Meth. But that doesn't mean they still aren't dick bags for doing it, and shouldn't be called out as such. Which is what I'm doing here...

You really tried to sign Jon Lester? Bullshit. And now you're undoubtedly going to try and sell me that this was your plan all along? Bullshit. You really did your best to get to the bottom of the Ray Rice situation? Bullshit. You all did just enough to make it look like you were trying your best, while in actuality you were just whizzing down all of our collective legs, and raking in as much money as possible. And you can tell that, not just by the warm sensation running down your limbs, but by the way both parties are now rolling out their respective "See, wha-ha-happened was..."

So, yeah. You're not foolin' me, you rat bastards. I mean, you still own my soul, because I'm more or less addicTed to your product. But, being an American consumer, that doesn't deter me at all. You know, because we're used to shoveling shit into our mouths without questioning how it got there? Yeah, so you're LUCKY rat bastards, is what you are. And you can consider yourselves having been put on notice. Which really just means that I'm jealous that the respective parties have been able to become rich and powerful despite their perceived idiocy, and their penchant for untruths. But still, notice is notice. Even if you've already wisely come to the conclusion that nobody can, or ever will, beat the Whiz...

Yeah, so there's that. Freaking rat bastards. They don't want to be honest with us, and we can't be bothered enough to force them to change. And now, there are picks! Which I've made in an attempt to diminish my own rat bastard-ness. That, and I want to become rich so I can whizz down people's legs. I WANNA BE THE GREG MADDUX OF THIS!!!...

Enjoy...

Friday, December 05, 2014

Week 14 Picks: To Chappelle and Back...


Christmas aside, we've reached a magical time of year. The baseball hot stove is boiling over, college basketball is beginning to percolate, and the Boston sports talk yakkers are trying to remember what it was they'd been using to fill all of this early winter time the past few years (It's the B's and C's, guy kid!! The B's and C's!!!)...

And seeing that for me, baseball = Red Sox and college basketball = Syracuse, I've got a quick thought on both before I delve into my picks. And they are as follows...

The Red Sox: This offseason is proving once and for all that this ownership has no real plan, other than making sure their product makes them money. They're in the business of using duct tape to fix their money machine, rather than even attempting to make reasonable repairs that could right the ship for years to come. I know, I sound like some rich Ted complaining about a scuff on his Bentley. But here we are...

AND

Syracuse: Chris McCullough and Rakeem Christmas have been great. And they're going to make the Orange tough to handle on the interior. But without improved guard play (namely from Kaleb Joseph and Mike Pinner J), especially at the end of games, it's going to be tough for Syracuse to win many games against any legitimate competition. AKA The ACC...

So there we have all of that. And yep, I'm basically a spoiled child. Now, it's onto the picks! Complete with two WHOLE Dave Chappelle references in order to justify the random title I decided to use. They're good ones, though. So there's always that...

Enjoy...

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thanksgiving Picks


Goggle gobble, my damies. No time for small talk, on this most sacred of days. But I still have more picks than you'll need antacid. Which is the acid ants take when they go to Ant Bonaroo. OR maybe it isn't. Either way, Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours. And good luck!

Thanksgiving Picks
Chicago Bears (+7) @ Detroit Lions + UNDER 58

Dallas Cowboys (-3) vs Philadelphia Eagles + OVER 56

San Francisco 49ers (-1) vs Seattle Seahawks + UNDER 40



Week 13 Picks

New England Patriots (+3) @ Green Bay Packers + UNDER 58.5

Buffalo Bills (-2.5) vs Cleveland Browns

Indianapolis Colts (-9.5) vs Washington Tedskins

Oakland Raiders (+7.5) @ St. Louis Rams + OVER 44

Minnesota Vikings (-2.5) vs Carolina Panthers

Pittsburgh Steelers (-3.5) vs New Orleans Saints + OVER 54

Cincinnati Bengals (-4) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers + UNDER 45

Jacksonville Jaguars (+3) vs New York Giants

Houston Texans (-6.5) vs Tennessee Titans

Arizona Cardinals (-2.5) @ Atlanta Falcons + OVER 45.5

Kansas City Chiefs (+1.5) vs Denver Broncos

Miami Dolphins (-6) @ New York Jets



Last Week: 6-9-1

Overall: 94-100-1


NCAA Top 25 Picks
(1) Alabama (-9.5) vs (14) Auburn

(3) Florida St. (-7.5) vs Florida

(4) Mississippi St. (-2) @ (8) Mississippi

(6) Ohio St. (-20.5) vs Michigan

Texas Tech (+24.5) vs (7) Baylor

(9) UCLA (-4.5) vs Stanford

(18) Georgia Tech (+13) @ (10) Georgia

(12) Arizona (-2.5) vs (13) Arizona St.

(19) USC (-7) vs Notre Dame

Air Force (+7) vs (21) Colorado St.

South Carolina (+4.5) @ (22) Clemson

(24) Minnesota (+13.5) @ (16) Wisconsin

(24) Louisville (-12.5) vs Kentucky

Utah St. (+9) @ (25) Boise St.



Last Week: 9-2-0

Overall: 64-49-3 (.565)


#BAGSMUNMAN

Friday, November 21, 2014

Week 12 Picks: Orange You Glad There's Still Football?


Soooo my Orange looked terrible last night in getting beat down by Cal in their National TV debut. It happens. And it'll actually make their deep tourney run all that much better, because we'll have all of this growth to fondly reflect upon! At least that's what I've been telling myself since they went into halftime down by 12. And I'm gonna stick with it. This team has talent. I mean, they're no Kentucky. But they've got enough to get the job done...eventually. Just not right now. Unless they blow out Iowa this afternoon. In which case maybe. But probably not...

Yeah, the start of the college basketball season can make for some confusing times. Which is why it's great that we still have football to fall back on for some normalcy. Because as we all know, picking football games is easy and stress free...

And if you believe that, then I've got a Roger Goodell bobblehead that I'd love to show ya. Which is my attempt at a bad joke, because there's no way Goodell would ever be caught dead bobbing his head up and down in approval of ANYTHING!...

Enjoy...

Friday, November 14, 2014

Week 11 Picks: FIX THE INTERNET!

So, Kim Kardashian attempted to "break the Internet" with her unique brand of "prosti-tainment". And Al Gore invented the Internet. Presumably through a series of acid flashbacks and a pile of old Atari parts. Knowing these things, I contacTed my good friend, Kevin Tomasso, and asked him if he could use his considerable skills to see if he could work up some photoshop magic with Al's head on Kim's body. And here are. And it's a glorious place to be, really. At the crossroads of creativity, friendship, and the porn collection of a transexual centaur. I just hope your brought a map. You know, so you can get the fuck out of here post haste the second that thing decides to show a global warming presentation on some sort of ass projector system. And that's projected on the ass, for those that...um...were picturing some sort of raygun like "ass projector"...

So, yeah. That picture is great. My picks have been (relatively) great lately too! So let's get to those before a singing and dancing box of Milk Duds disappears between the cheeks of our friend up there in an attempt to suggest we grab a pre film snack. Because that would just be flat out weird...

Enjoy...

Friday, November 07, 2014

Week 10 Picks: ReBUTTle?


So, the Patriots aren't playing this week. And I don't really have any particular topic on which I wish to rant and rail. SO, without further dudes, let's see if I can keep last week's momentum going, and string together my second straight week of wallet filling wisdom. Oh, and they'll be a buttfumble gif in honor of the return of Mark Sanchez. You know, because that needs to be recognized and celebraTed to the fullest extent of the Interweb. And I am here to do my part...

Enjoy...

Friday, October 31, 2014

Week 9 Picks: Technology 'N Stuff...



Yeah, so sometimes we get into the habit of overcomplicating things. Like fatty, up there. Who, instead of utilizing the professional broadcaster that both his company and the sport they're partnered with had hired to do the actual broadcasting, decided that he'd try it himself despite being out of breath and on the verge of diabeetus. And as you can see, the results weren't good. Rikk Wilde (the Matt Foley impersonator in question, up there), bumbled all over himself, barely avoided heart failure, and used the term "technology and stuff" in order to describe his company's featured product...

Yeah, so the lesson here is leave it to the professionals...and to resist the urge to deep fry everything you eat in chocolate sauce and whiskey. OR, more importantly, the lesson is to keep things simple, and they should probably go according to plan. Something that I'm going to try with this week's picks in order to get myself back on track. Between trends, streaks, fancy analystics, and past successes and failures, I've been seeing too many trees and not enough forrest. OR maybe you'd prefer "too many chiefs, and not enough Tedskins"?...

Either way, it means I'm scaling back. I'll stop trying to outsmart myself, and stick with what are my first and most vivid instincts when it comes to picking a side. Will it work? Meh, probably not. And I don't like my chances of resisting the urge to give myself paralysis by analysis. But I'm gonna give it a go, anyway. Because when you overthink, you end up like our plump friend up there (who I'm presuming lives in a van down by the river). And I think we can all agree that's probably a good fate to avoid...

Oh, and props to the Giants, who aren't a dynasty. But only because we all regularly misuse that word. They're on a damn good run over the past 5 years, though. Maybe even an "era", more so than a run. And their manager sounds just like Lou Brown from Major League. So above all else they've got that goin' for them. Which is way better than being labeled a word that now merely serves as an easy talking point for the Teds at Cold Take...

OK, now onto the picks. Where I promise I didn't use any  fancy technology or stuff in order to come up with my selections. Well except for the computer...and the Interweb. Yeah, whatever. That dude's fat and he probably cough/chokes himself awake at night on a regular basis because of the fat man apnea he almost definitely has. AND I REFUSE TO LET THAT HAPPEN TO ME!! Not literally, of course. I'd have to swallow a deep fried pony in order to get that fat. But, yeah. You get what I'm throwin' down. So now let's get to it...

Enjoy...

Friday, October 24, 2014

Week 8 Picks: Mediocre SCOTT!!!



So, apparently the Hoverboard is now a real thing. OR at least it's almost a real thing. Which is to say, it's not a thing at all. At least not in the incarnation in which we've all come to expect, thanks to Back To The Future. SO, in reality, it's just something that Richard Branson can use on his custom made basement half pipe to impress his uber-rich cronies right before he takes them into space. I'm more eager to get my hands on a personal rocket pack, anyway. Just seems like the more practical and efficient way to get around. Especially if you plan on using it any point to escape from would be bandits by traveling over a body of water...

And that's the same type of feeling I have about my picks this season. Sure, they look great. But are they really delivering on all the promise and excellence that many have come to expect? No, they are not. Much like the hoverboard up there, they are a shell of what should be. But that changes now. Unless it doesn't in which case this intro will prove about as useful as a screen door on a battleship...

Enjoy...

Friday, October 17, 2014

Week 7 Picks: Roy-als With Cheese...


So, yeah. Apparently we live in a world where the Kansas City Royals never lose. Which definitely feels weird, but a good kind of weird. Like how you might feel when your favorite sports radio show randomly has on one of your favorite actors, simply because they'd been talking about one of his movies the day before. Something that actually happened this week on the nation's top rated sports radio show, The Dan Patrick Show...

They had been talking about Pulp Fiction on Tuesday, celebrating it's 20th anniversary. And as is often the case with great radio, Dan and his Danettes wandered down a tangential rabbit hole that led them to discussing great "bit parts" and the actors that play them. Which then led them to calling legendary character actor (and Syracuse's own) Frank Whaley, who you may or may not remember from such roles as fake Lee Harvey Oswald in JFK, young Archie Graham in Field of Dreams, Jimmy Hoffa's killer in Hoffa, and of course Brad/Brett up there from that legendary scene pictured above in Pulp Fiction (I hear he has a big brain, whatever his name actually is). And not only did Whaley answer the call and agree to come on a sports radio show for no real discernable reason. But he came on and absolutely CRUSHED it. Telling jokes, reflecting on Pulp's 20 years, and giving insights towards the great actors and directors he's worked with, including Marlon Brando, Quentin Tarantino, and Oliver Stone...
#BangBiscuit

It was just great radio, and really highlighted both the best sports radio has to offer, and why I've been such fan of great sports radio for all of my adult life. Because sports radio should just be talking about life, with a focus on sports. I'm not saying hosts need to espouse on EVERY social issue of the moment. But sports for sports' sake just gets annoying, and it really contributes to the bandwagon hopping and forgetting of the past. You gotta just start with sports, and see where it takes you. And allow it to take you down unique and interesting paths, as it did here...

Unfortunately, the DP Show is now the exception to the talk radio "rule" of yelling, bandwagon jumping, and playing stale YouTube clips for cheap laughs, instead of the high standard for which others should hope to achieve. But that's just all the more reason for me to celebrate them and their excellence. Which is what I just chose to do, rather than launch into planned rant in which I was going to compare hazing to the "reply all" function. So, yeah. You can thank Frank & The DP Show for that, too. Because that was gonna get ugly. And by "ugly", I mean you Teds need to STOP SEXUALLY VIOLATING YOUR FRIENDS AND STOP REPLYING ALL WHEN YOUR RESPONSE DOESN'T CONCERN EVERYONE YOU'RE RESPONDING TO!!!

OK, there. Killed all those birds with that one final boulder. Props to Frank and the good folks at The Dan Patrick Show, though. It's their hard work that keeps me entertained, and helps to keep lit the ever fluttering flame that is my faith in humanity...

Now, onto the picks. And you'll need a little faith here, yourselves. As last night's whiff with the Pats left me at exactly .500 for the 2014 season. But that's OK. Because you're not here because of my stellar record, you're here for the insight and the wit! And for the cool headlines I justify by mentioning the Royals in the first sentence, yet never again. And pictures! You're here for the pictures! Which I made bigger, this week. Though I'm not entirely sure why...

So yeah. Let's get to doin' all that stuff, so you can be on your merry way. OR, to paraphrase Peter Griffin, 'Without further dudes, let's read this thing'...

Enjoy...

Friday, October 10, 2014

Week 6 Picks: UNDERwhelming


Well, I've got nothing to rant on this week. Not even to semi rant on. The baseball playoffs have been great, but they're about to be rained out for the weekend. So nothing there. And I'm all talked out when it comes to the NFL's stance (or lack there of) on domestic violence. Not to mention the fact that the NBA and the NHL are back on the menu. Which is great if you're a mouth breathing Ted, but does very little for me...

So, yeah. No hot takes on the current goings on. I've still got picks, though. And I'm actually starting to round into form. So we've got that goin' for us, which is great. And it's an "underdogs and underboobs" type of week, too. Which is especially great. Unless I've already oversold the theme (I have), in which case you'll probably just leave disappoinTed. Slightly more wealthy, perhaps. But definitely disappoinTed...

Meh, whatever. Let's get our collective pick on. By which I mean INHALE MY WISDOM WITH YOUR EYES THROUGH THE INTERWEB!...

And enjoy...

Friday, October 03, 2014

Week 5 Picks: THIS IS THE END...unless it's not...


Yeah, so I'm not sure if you've heard. But Foxboro is burning. Or is it Foxborough? Hell, even I don't know and it's only about 15 miles down the road. But no matter how you choose to spell that rat bastard, it's safe to say that the football team that calls that hamlet home is going through a big of a quagmire (giggity!). And it's even safer to say that their poor play to start the season has the panties of their usually arrogant and self entitled fanbase in a collective wedgie that would require the jaws of life in order to provide any relief. An aTomic wedgie, if you will. And you will, because you just did...

But is this the beginning of the end for Tom Terrific and the Patriots' "dynasty", as many pundits, critics, and fans seem to be saying? Meh, damned if I know. I mean, their offense certainly looks the most stagnant that I can ever remember seeing it. But this is also the same organization that's been declared "past it's prime" over the past decade about as many times as it's appeared in the AFC title game. So, yeah. I'm not really sure. I know my eyes are telling me they aren't what we thought they'd be. But I also know that my mind is telling me that I've been wrong before, with seemingly just as much "evidence" as I'm working with today...

So, yeah. I wish I had an answer as to why the Patriots were playing like shit, and I wish I knew whether or not they were gonna turn it around. Could make a nice chunk of change, either way. But alas, I have no such answers. And I'm just along for this wild ride like the rest of you Teds. That's not blind faith in the "Patriot Way", mind you. It's just that in my personal experience, I never have a good handle on this team on a week to week basis. Especially when in comes to the first 4 or 5 games. History tells me they'll turn it around, but my eyes tell me otherwise. So, again. Here we are...

But, hey. Just because my home team happens to be playing like annus of late, doesn't mean we all have to suffer. Although if you insist on betting on individual games, that wild ride has probably long since caused you to lose your lunch. To which I say, it's time to BOOT AND RALLY! Which is my mid-nineties way of saying, it's time to get onto the picks...

Enjoy, my damies...  

Friday, September 26, 2014

Week 4 Picks: Ted And The Spread...


Yeah, so Bill Simmons is still a holier than thou glory boy. The notorious Boston Bruins bandwagon jumper and resident smartest guy in the room ("I know. I'll name it after Grantland Rice, and then I can roll my eyes at everyone's ignorance when they pronounce it GRANT-LAND. Perfect!") has gone out of his way, yet again, to make himself the news by launching a profanity laced (and likely staged) tirade on his podcast, in which he calls Roger Goodell a liar (slander?) and dared his (Simmons) employer to suspend him. Which they promptly did, because that's how these staged PR stunts work. ESPN can't rip Goodell as much as they probably want to because of their dependence on the NFL's money. So they let Simmons do it, and then "punished" him (with pay) for it in a very public manner. AKA They creaTed a martyr for all of those that don't agree with ESPN to rally behind. A martyr that still happens to be a very key component in the success of their business. Basically, they're cutting off their nose to spite their own face, only to immediately turn around and get a nose job. So, yeah. Nothing has really happened, yet here we are still talking about it. Much to the delight of Ted Simmons and the boys over in Bristol...

And while I really don't like wasting my breath or time on a massive Ted who still doesn't realize he's become the "establishment" he made his career rallying against. And I realize that my talking about him is only justifying his blatant grab at some cheap headlines. I really can't help myself. Dude is such a fraud, and a few decent 30 for 30's aside, he's been nothing but a pompous d-bag whose only real skill seems to be that he's able to get people to admire him while at the same time talking down to them...

Now, am I jealous that he's been able to turn being a prick into a nice little empire? You're damn right I am. That's a pretty sweet gig. But that's not where this is coming from. This is coming from someone who's fed up with the way the sports/entertainment world is trending (not to mention fed up with the fact that all of this atrocious reporting/commentary has made it look like I'm defending Goodell. Which I'm most certainly not), and has decided to take any chance I can to cut down the Teds who are hashtagging this thing I love into oblivion. Even if it's only playing to my own sense of superiority and self satisfaction...

So, yeah. Bill Simmons is Ted #1, and I'm done ripping on him and his employer. At least for today. Unless they want to pay me to do so, only to then suspend me with pay. Because that would be awesome. Oh, and he's a liar. Because, you know. Apparently you don't need to provide any proof when you're hurling accusations. You just need to be bold and LOUD...

Speaking of being loud without providing any real facts, it's time for this week's picks! I righted the ship last week, and now there's no looking back! Unless of course there is any looking back. In which case I can just change my stance on the issue, and yell even LOUDER ABOUT MY LATEST HOT TAKE!!! Ahh, yes. America. What a freakin' country...

Enjoy, my damies...

Friday, September 19, 2014

Week 3 Picks: The Bad News Buffet...


"You only find out who was swimming naked when the tide rolls out."
That's one of my favorite quotes, right there. One I've heard attributed to legendary investor, Warren Buffett. Though I've also been told it's a reworked piece of scripture from the Bible. Now, I tend to think that everyone was swimming naked back in the Bible days, so I'm a little skeptical. And speaking of the Bible days, how terrible must it have been to go to the bathroom back then? Yeah, I'm imagining it was unpleasant at best. Probably bad enough to drive anyone to wish that they were left to die hanging from a piece of wood rather than having to put up with using your sand covered hand to cleanse digested goat chunks from your undoubtedly sand covered annus. Not sure why I felt the need to mention that, but here we are...

Well, disgusting and nonsensical segues aside. That quote really nails what's at the heart of this NFL domestic violence debacle. Which is the fact that the NFL (namely Roger Goodell) wasn't prepared for any of this, and is ill equipped to deal with anything other than blindly signing the multi-billion dollar TV deals that are carried to its doorstep. Case in point, this sketchy press release that tries to sound proactive, but is really just a smokescreen meant to put the public at ease while the league continues to weather the storm...
This guy gets it...

Yep, Commissioner Goodell and the powers that be were caught skinny dipping, and now they're left with their limp, and undoubtedly wrinkled dongs just flappin' in the breeze for all the world to see. And needless to say, the public hasn't particularly enjoyed the free show (we're notorious sticklers for unsoliciTed male nudity)...

Now, lucky for the pantless emperors, they still happen to be the only slangers in town that provide us with our drug of choice (pro football), and we're all too weak/apathetically indifferent to quit cold turkey. So they should still be able to ultimately brush this dirt off their collective shoulders (you KNOW you saw what I just did there, too), and continue raking in the cakes without any major impunity. At least for the foreseeable future...

But the infallible illusion that was "the shield" has been forever tarnished, and only time will tell if this is all a mere bump in the road to continued prosperity, or the start of a slippery slope that ends with the downfall of the NFL as we know it. I'd bet on the former, and you should too. As all of these bluffs disguised as ACTION! from their major sponsors should ultimately prove to be exactly that, and the public will quickly move on from feeling outraged, and move onto the next cause du jour. But hey, stranger things have happened. Like say, the rise of a generally complex and powerful culture that is still frighteningly unsure about how to react to the public beatings of it's women and children. So I suppose anything is possible...

Oh, and while you're betting on the demise of our society and it's principles, feel free to bet on a few actual games this weekend as well. I know I took it on the chin, last week. But considering I didn't take a tree branch to the junk from one of my parents, I figure I got off pretty easy. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice...

Enjoy..

Friday, September 12, 2014

Week 2 Picks: When Push Comes to Shove...

"Forget the myths the media has created about the White House. The truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand" 
That's "Deep Throat", the notorious Watergate mole from Woodward & Bernstein's 'All The President's Men'. And as was pointed out on Twitter, you can simply replace 'White House' with 'NFL' and it would rather eloquently sum up the Ray Rice/Roger Goodell debacle. A perfect storm of mismanagement and misunderstanding that has led to one of the most controversial stories in NFL history...

Friday, September 05, 2014

Week 1 Picks: Let's Roll...


Well, my friends. Are you ready to roll? Because the NFL season is already poppin' off. And if you follow my advice, you and your bankroll will be in pure ecstasy before the weekend is through...

And seeing those are all of the Molly puns I seem to be able to muster, let's get right down to business...

GLOWSTICK! GLOWSTICK! GLOWSTICK! GLOWSTICK!

Enjoy...

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Yes, Cuban B!!!


Well? Did you heed my advice and slap together some questionably racist "Cuban B" gear to commemorate the Red Sox recent roster changes? No? Yeah, I didn't think so. But someone on the Interweb will, and the ensuing t-shirts should be sweeter than a free satchel from Mr. Nice Guy. Well, maybe not. But at least they will last a bit longer. Though not that much longer, if I know my Interweb novelty t-shirts. Which I most definitely do...

So I've got thoughts on that, along with some commentary on The Simpsons marathon, the Logan Mankins trade, and a few football futures bets to help get you primed for the upcoming season. If that sounds like your cup'O'tea, then read on, my damies. And if not, then I'm sure there's a dog photo out there that is in desperate need of your approval...

Ahh, yes. So many Interweb choices, yet so little time. Enjoy...

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

The Big Ted Theory...


Was Larry Bird addicted to cocaine?! My baseless hot take NEXT! Right after this former NFL player gives you an update on NHL free agency...

Man, imagine if real life could be like Boston sports talk radio? Must be nice to create straw man arguments instead of actually doing work and speaking intelligently. Sounds like a pretty good gig, if you ask me. I mean, you definitely have to salute their dedication to laziness, if nothing else. Which is exactly I'll do, by providing you with the latest edition of my summertime smattering...

Oh, and Larry Bird wasn't really a coke head. So no worries there. Though there is new photographic evidence that he might very well indeed be SANTA CLAUS!! MY HOT TAKE NEXT, RIGHT AFTER I DUMP THIS WATER ON MY HEAD SO I DON'T GET ALZHEIMERS!!

Enjoy...

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Remembering Robin And Deconstructing Tony...


So, did you watch the PGA Championship? I certainly hope so. Not only was it one of the few times that one of my predictions of excellence actually came to fruition. But it was also just some outstanding televised sports entertainment. The players (Rory holding off Rickie and Phil), the venue (Valhalla cemented itself as one of golf's premier venues), the broadcast team (No Johnny Miller = good times), and the finish in the twilight (/straight up darkness). This year's PGA Championship really had it all. And if you missed it, you're a Ted. There, I said it. Thankfully, the ratings (up 56% from last year and the highest rated PGA Championship since '08) indicate that you probably were watching. So good on you...

But I'm still wary of all the Teds, out there. And don't think I haven't noticed how you've managed to somehow make the chain letter a new Facebook fad, either. I mean, I feel like someone just renamed the chain letter the "SNAPBACK!" and all of a sudden it's some sort of acceptable practice. But, yeah. I won't rant on that. You Teds wanna dump ice on your head, that's your business. Just please stop making it mine. Oh, and if you really feel the need to donate and help support a cause that's near and dear to your heart. Then try this...

OK, but that's all the time I've allotted to "charity" for the sake of popularity. So I'm movin' on. Unfortunately, not on to anything any more pleasant. But hopefully I can manage to make it interesting. We'll see...

Enjoy...

Wednesday, August 06, 2014

Shake Up, Nut Up, & Push Up: The Latest Installment in My Summertime Smattering Series...


Well, I asked the Red Sox to pick a direction. And it seems, via a bevy of deadline deals, that they've answered the call. Still not 100% certain that they're going in a Rooch-approved, win now (as in next year) direction. But that's a question we can't even start to ask if they've answered or not until next year's trading deadline...

Yeah, it's more or less just as muddied as it was before, but for a whole new slew of reasons. Which I'll get touch on in just a bit. I'll  also have some hot takes on the state of golf before the PGA Championship, and an in depth look at whether or not Paul George is actually a racehorse. Pretty shitty name, if that's the case. But I'll get to that. All the while sprinkling in reminders that my high school and (especially) collegiate experiences were even better than the ones you've managed to embellish. That's right. Prepare to be humbled, bitches. OR at least mildly annoyed at my John Football-like sense of self importance...

So read on, my damies. And enjoy the latest edition of my Summertime Smattering...

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Hitting the G Spot With Another Summertime Smattering...


So, yeah. About that 8-2 stretch the Red Sox were coming off of last we talked. Yeah, turns out I was actually right about their penchant for consistent inconsistency. Who'd of thunk? But, thankfully there's plenty of other whatnot for me to delve into during this week's edition of my "Summer Smattering Series". Yep, it's a series now. Founded out of laziness, and fueled by the Red Sox mediocre play...

So, yeah. Enjoy this week's latest installment. Which includes a glance at the Sox as they approach the trading deadline, how Greg Maddux might be the most "me" player of my lifetime, and how ESPN has officially become the bane of my sport loving existence. Yep, that's right. Again...

OK, enjoy...

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Welcome To The Dungle...


OK, so yeah. I didn't go and see Dawn of the Planet of the Apes. But it wasn't out of laziness. OK, it was partly out of laziness. But instead I'd rather blame the following things, in no particular oder. The British Open Championship Golf Tournament, the fact that I came into possession of FREE Showtime AND Cinemax (watched Django a second time, it was great), and the fact that I noticed Philip Seymour Hoffman's final film (A Most Wanted Man) is debuting this weekend. Those all played a major role, with the latter serving as icing on the cake. Mostly because I tend to be extremely frugal when it comes to going to the theater (AKA I only have 1 free pas left)...

I did watch some great stuff on Showtime and Cinemax, though. No, not Ray Donovan. At least not yet. But I did catch a decent "documentary" on The Eagles (kinda light on actual info, but still a decent watch), and the aforementioned Django Unchained. So it wasn't all for naught. I do apologize, though. Not just for not going to see Planet of the Apes, but mostly because I'm probably not going to see the PSH flick, either. Yeah. I'm all talk. Which works out well, because I have about 50 movie channels, and I really enjoy to talk. So there's always that...

And there's always sports, too. Which is why I've got another Summer smattering for ya, this week. It'll mostly be Red Sox talk, and me laughing at Tony Dungy. But I'm sure I'll find some time and/or room to finagle in another tidbit or two. Mmmmmm. tidbits...

Enjoy...

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

BREAK YO SELF!


Well, my damies. It's the All-Star break. And as is my wont, I'm going to take advantage of this nominal happening, and give myself the break by taking a week from having to come up with hot sports takes AND/OR jokes about the annus' (pronounced annus-ees, obviously) of female tennis players or celebrity sluts...

I'll still contribute to this week's Interwebbing, though. By linking you to stories written by other hot takers who don't seem to be lacking in motivation and/or caught up in the fantastic idea of an All Star siesta. Probably because they're actually "fairly compensated" for their particular hot takes, but that's not where I'm trying to go with this. I'm not working class warrior, it's something else. And that was a quote I took from High Fidelity and mangled to fit my own point. Jack Black crushes in that. But I'm sure you already knew that. OR didn't, because you watched Nacho Libre instead. Which is why I despise your kind, and secretly hope that every movie like Tammy is really a government sting operation with the goal of torturing then deporting anyone dumb enough to fork over American currency to watch that thing. Preferably to one of those countries where they'll kill you for being American, too. Not one where you can take the rest of your American dollars and immediately become their dictator. Pretty sure that would just make things worse...


But, alas. Here we are. And if you haven't been sufficiently offended with my broad statements (pun intended...you know, because Melissa McCarthy is fat), here are those aforementioned links and whatnot. Enjoy...

Wednesday, July 09, 2014

So You Think You Can Lance?: Why David Ortiz Just Needs to Stop Talking Steroids...


So, I watched The Armstrong Lie over the past week. The "documentary" released last year, in which Lance Armstrong mixes non-apologies with excuses and innuendo in his best attempt to come off as some sort of victim. And while the film was horribly slanted (the filmmaker admittedly started making the film as a fan in an attempt to chronicle Lance's comeback in 2009), and the only real reaction I got was laughing at all the clips of Lance attacking (and in many cases successfully suing) his plethora of critics. I do think Lance's case is a good one to examine when it comes to the recent media aided dust up involving Nelson Cruz and David Ortiz. And since the Red Sox have been dreadful of late, and their offense seems to have gone reverse Benjamin Button overnight, that's what I've decided to talk about. So enjoy...

Oh, and I saw Blue Jasmine recently, too. But you don't need to see that. Freakin' Woody Allen, always trickin' me into watchin' his slow moving nonsense with his star studded casts. He's like the Wes Anderson of this. Except, you know. With a penchant for pedophilia...allegedly.../he cheated on his wife with their adopted daughter. So, yeah...

...although I still do want to see Grand Budapest Hotel. So there's that...

And now there's this! Enjoy...

Wednesday, July 02, 2014

I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WANE!!!


OK, so I don't like soccer. Not a hater, per say. Just not a fan. A fact that will probably lead you to dismissing my opinions on the future of soccer's popularity in the United States. AKA The topic du jour. That, and the fact that I'm writing this the day after the US apparently lost in rather excruciating fashion. Either way, I still have a (scorching hot!) take on the subject. And by God, if you've already made it this far, then you're gonna hear it! Because I BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL READ! I BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL READ! I BELIEVE THAT YOU WILL READ!

Yeah. Dumbest chant in all of sports. Oh yeah? You believe your'e gonna win!? What a novel concept!! And to take that one step further, it's really the chant of the "trophies and ribbons for everyone!!!" generation. I know that, because that's more or less my generation. Or at least that generation was in charge during my youth. Probably another reason why I don't like soccer. Trying to make me feel unnecessarily shameful, and whatnot. Due to my Teddish peers, their Teddish parents, and their myriad of Teddish tendencies. Not to mention their penchant for "participation"....

Yeah. And BOOM goes any sort of neutrality I may have just convinced you I had. Meh, whatever. Freakin' soccer...

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

A Summertime Smattering..


Boston Red Sox
Overall: 35-42 (7 games out of AL Playoffs)
Last Week: 3-5

Meh, there's nothing to see here. Which is to say, there's nothing really for which I wish to wax. At least when it comes to the Red Sox and their quest for mediocrity. Which is why I've decided to shelve whatever analysis I was going to attempt to provide in favor of some random video clips and hot takes. So, yeah. Enjoy...

"Damn, this is good! Who is this?!"



Always loved this video. Especially the "energetic" performance by the African American gentleman that decides "I'll take 2!". Besides, it's got a Summer feel to it. And it being Summer and all, I felt it would be appropriate. So, yeah. Cake. They're musically delicious...and that black guy is hilarious...

Speaking of hilarious. This guy used to be occasionally hilarious, until he killed himself with H. And here's a trailer for what should be his last new film to hit the big screen not to involve him as a hologram (unless you dig The Hunger Games, which I don't). Because we all know that's going to happen, eventually. The hologram stuff, that is. Thankfully, most of us should be dead by then. And preferably not because of H. Hopefully it will be some new super drug of the future that you just put in your coffee. OR maybe we'll just OD on caffeine. Meh, either way I'm pretty sure coffee is involved. Just the mental projection I'm feeling. OR maybe that feeling is just that I want some coffee? Yeah, I've derailed. Here's the trailer...



Looks dark and slow, like The Master, which I still haven't seen. But PSH often thrived in those roles (See: Capote). So there's that. And it hits theaters in about a month. Definitely not what I would have chosen as Hoffman's final work, but probably worth a watch nonetheless. Though for me that "watch" is most likely to come on HBO in about 18 months, not in the theater in about 18 days...


As for sports. Tiger is back (kinda), the World Cup bites (literally), and we're on the eve of the NBA Draft (also literally). Hot takes ahead...


Tiger: It's great that he's back, and I'll be eager to see if he ever comes close to regaining the form that made him far and away the best in the world. But between his escalating age, deteriorating health, and the fact (mentioned here many times) that he's left a dearth of talent in his wake. It should prove nearly impossible for him to do so (of note: as I'm writing this it's coming across Twitter that he dumped his first drive of today's Pro-Am portion of the event into the drink). However, watching him try, especially if he does come close to returning to his full glory, should make for some of the best televised golf since the heydays of Palmer and Nicklaus...

Now, do I think he'll get the 5 more Major Championship victories that he needs to pass the aforementioned Mr. Nicklaus? No, I don't. Not anymore. He's finally fallen behind Jack's pace (due to age), and like I said, he'll be dealing with the a peer group that I think even Jack would have to admit is more talented than his own. So, no. I don't think he's going to get there. But man, it should be a lot of fun to watch him try...


The World Cup: One of the highest paid players in the sport of soccer just bit someone on international TV (again). Oh, and someone from my hometown is being blamed for the US only being able to manage a tie against Portugal. So, yeah! Soccer! Am I right? Freakin' Eurotrash. Or in this case "Urotrash". Because Uruguay, right?! Yeah, whatever. Racist chants, flopping, and biting. If that's your thing, then continue to enjoy yourself the World Cup. And yes, soccer snobs. I realize I'm making generalizations. But dude bit a guy on TV...for at least the second time! Defend that, and the culture that caters to it, if you must. But don't expect to get any sympathy or understanding. At least not outside of the next few weeks. And that's only in the US can stay in it. Otherwise, they'll ALL be branded dirty, racist biters within a 15 minute news cycle. And what a glorious few minutes on Twitter that will be. Should make that Boston/Montreal interaction look and NAACP meeting...


NBA Draft: I'm great at remembering where guys went to school, but not often great at projecting them into the pros. For instance, in 2008 I predicted that Russell Westbrook (UCLA) and Kevin Love (UCLA) would be the 2nd and 3rd best players to come out of that draft class. A class that featured Derrick Rose (Memphis) and Michael Beasley (Kansas St.). Not bad, right? Yeah, not bad. Except for the fact that I thought the best player to come out of that draft class would be...drum roll please!...Jerryd Bayless (Arizona). Yeah...

So, who do I think will be the best players from the class of 2014? Well, I'm glad that, through me, you decided to ask. And here they are:

1) Andrew Wiggins
2) Shabazz Napier
3) Doug McDermott

Honorable mention: Cleanthony Early, TJ Warren, Jerami Grant

Probably not the list you thought you'd see, but I'm not usually in the business of judging guys I've barely seen play (Exum). I'm also not in the business of casting my lot with guys that can't shoot, or big guys with back problems (Embiid). And I won't bore you with analysis. Just suffice it to say that I think those 3 are going to have better careers than their peers. And that rhymes, friends. So you know it's going to be true...

Oh, and I'm not interesTed in talking about LeBron opting out of his deal with the Heat. The draft is as far as I go...unless I'm going out of my way to rip Reverend Dr. Glenn Luther Rivers Jr. Which I guess could happen soon, seeing as allegedly LeBron is really fond of the good doctor's coaching techniques. With the "technique" Doc uses to win when he has the best players probably right at the top of the list...


And that's all I've got. I'm sure I forgot something, amidst this nonsensical smattering (literally learning as I type that Daryl Strawberry is now a...pastor? Because of course he is.). But that's why Al Gore created Twitter. So, my friends. Until next time. Now get out there and enjoy the Summer...


#BAGSMUNMAN

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Tony Gwynn: 1960-2014


Outside of maybe Manny Ramirez and Robinson Cano, I'm thinking that Tony Gwynn was the best hitter I ever saw. And even more, the dude was just a class act. A very likable man, that never seemed to forget that he was not only there for the fans, but also there because of the fans. A gratitude he never failed to let shine through, either via his mile wide smile and signature chuckle, OR the dedication to and passion for his craft that made him a no brain selection for the Hall of Fame. Not to mention that he was wildly popular, well liked, and respected amongst his peers, and a tremendous asset to the community of San Diego. A place he played for for all TWENTY of his professional seasons. A fact that, on it's own, would probably have made him a legendary figure. That he hit .338 during that time span, was basically a bonus. That's how well liked this guy was. Though hitting that .338, along with a myriad of other impressive numbers, are what make cement his status as one of the game's all time greats...

I could bore you with more of his his mind boggling stats, too. But I won't (OK. Dude had a .415 BA in 107 career ABs against Greg Maddux (with ZERO strike outs!) & he finished his career with 319 steals. His high of 56 coming in 1987). They're all over all the Interweb right now, anyway. So if you want more they're out there for the taking (including great write ups here, here, here, here, here, AND here). But I just wanted to pay my respects to a great man, who at age 54, left us far too early...

Tony Gwynn was a great baseball player, and from all counts, an even better person. We could use a lot more like him, and he will be dearly missed. Rest in peace, friend. And thanks for the memories...


Got some more NBA thoughts, too. Actually, it's just one thought, and it's more of a statement. And it's for all of you out there telling me that the Spurs actually play the type of team basketball that I like, and that I missed out by not watching them play. That statement is this:

If the Spurs were the rule, and not the exception to it. I'd start watching again in a heartbeat. But, alas. The only reason this team is a "story", is because they are the exception in a league filled with teams that rarely play anything resembling "team" offense OR defense on a regular basis.

Oh, and for everyone surprised at how great Kawhi Leonard? Just a heads up. The Spurs are probably gonna grab Cleanthony Early, or somethin'. And he (Early, or whichever more polished player they grab) is gonna make the rest of the GMs look the fool just like Leonard (the 15th pick in 2011, behind the likes of...Jimmer Fredette) has already done. There are just so few competent GMs in the NBA. And maybe even fewer competent coaches. The Spurs have both, and should continue turning chess into checkers for some time to come. At least until their front office core calls it quits. And even then, they seem like the type of organization that will have a decent plan in place to help ensure their future success...

Though I do appreciate all of you that are concerned about what I may be missing. You're good eggs. But I still won't be watching. So there's that...

And speaking of apathy...

The Red Sox play this season has left many a fan stroking their beards in an
attempt to figure out if this year's team will ever find some consistency...
Boston Red Sox
Overall: 32-38 (5 1/2 games out of AL Playoffs)
Last Week: 3-3

I'd love to be the bearer of good news, but another week of mediocre play has led to another mediocre won/loss week for the Boston Red Sox. Which is bound to happen more often than not when statistically, you have baseball's 22nd best offense & 14th best pitching staff. Oh, and Don Orsillio and Jerry Remy spent the better part of  last night's 2nd inning taking selfies. If that's not an indicator of how the average fan feels about this team, then I don't know what is. And I can't say I blame them. For their general apathy, that is. Not their penchant for selfies. Selfies are STRICTLY for Teds. You get 1 or 2, maybe. As long as you're using it as a contact icon or avatar. Otherwise? Ted central. And you already knew this...MAN!*

*This obviously doesn't apply if you're an attractive female, and you manage to get enough of your cleavage in the pic. However, having a dog in said cleave-filled selfie also renders the selfie pointless and annoying.

Oh, and speaking of cleavage. Apparently this exists. I mean, not to go all random boob on ya. But, yeah. Boob deodorant. What a country. Not that it's manufactured here, but you know. We're probably the only people that can A) afford it AND B) are shallow enough to feel the need to use it. Not that there's anything wrong with either of those things. I mean, I am still an American. Are current fixation with soccer notwithstanding...



How Kate Upton doesn't have her own personalized line of this shit, I'll never know...

"Hi, I'm supermodel Kate Upton. And when my breasts get sweaty, I only un-lube my boob with 'Kate's Kup Kream'! So when you think sweaty boobs, think KKK!"

Oh, OK. Maybe that's why they aren't doing it. Touche, Upton and friends. Touche. Looks like you've won this round. Carry on...


And you can carry on as well, my friends. And I'll catch you next week. Dry breasts and all. Have a good one...


#BAGSMUNMAN

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Teach a Man to Fish...er?


Musings? Musings. Let's go!

Boston Red Sox
Overall: 29-35 (5 games out of AL Playoffs)
Last Week: 2-5

Last week, I said that the Red Sox would continue to streak in various directions, and fail to live up to expectations. And after a 2-5 week that featured a large chunk of a 5 game losing streak, I'm not about to change that opinion. Might not be the sexiest analysis, but there it is. And I've got nothing else to add. So, yeah. Streak on, my damies. Oh, and if you find it within yourselves to put a winning streak together that's long enough to convince the front office to make a big deadline deal. Well, then that wouldn't suck, either...

I've got some NBA-ish thoughts, though (I know, right?). Not that I'm watching the Finals, or anything crazy like that. But here you are:


Derek Fisher

I can't help but think that when arguably the greatest coach in the history of the league feels it's appropriate to seek out and hire a coach without a modicum of coaching experience, a rather clear message has been sent: Coaching in the NBA is no longer about "teaching and coaching", and all about merely having a head man that can coexist with your players and pout out any fires in terms of the locker room and chemistry. That's it. Jason Kidd, Mark Jackson, Steve Kerr and now Derek Fisher. That's why they were brought in. Which is fine, I guess. To each their own. And just because a few owners/GMs made a few bizarre hirings doesn't exactly mean it's the start of a trend. But when someone like Phil Jackson does it. Well than that moves it from merely "acceptable", to downright intelligent and forward thinking...
Sooooo why are you here again?

My question is, where is the track record of success to back up this recent trend? These "championship teams" that were led by inexperienced coaches? OH, that's right. They don't exist. So, I have to wonder. Is this a trend towards a bold, new way of thinking that will prove more effective? Where the GM becomes the real coach and the coach on the sidelines is more like a friendly chaperone of sorts? OR is this just merely the latest way to appease players that seem to get more arrogant and self absorbed with every passing year? I mean, obviously you know I think it's the latter. Because I just don't see installing someone with NO real experience as a viable solution. But if you're an NBA fan, I'd be more than a little bit concerned that you're only a few years away from the inmates entirely running that asylum...

OR maybe this is all just part of a new "system", where the inexperienced guy brings them to the brink, but when the players get tired of him being a pushover, then the GM brings in hard nose to push them over the top. Yeah, that could be it. But probably not. I mean. I don't wanna go giving those Teds the benefit of the doubt now, do I? No, no Rooch. You certainly...

And that, my friends. Is what we call referring to yourself in the 4th person. I wouldn't try it at home. On the Interweb, maybe. But certainly not at home...


Donald Sterling

I hate to side with a racist d-bag, but I love how Sterling is refusing to go quietly into the night regarding the forced sale of the LA Clippers. And instead, is attempting to make it as sketchy and difficult as possible for the NBA to take his team away. Why, you ask? Well, it's simple. The NBA and it's owners have known for decades that Donald Sterling was a racist d-bag, and they allowed him to operate with impunity. But now that they've been publicly embarrassed due to his racist-ness and d-baged-ness, they want him out, so they abruptly alter their indifference in order to facilitate his ouster...

Again, the NBA is right in wanting him gone. He's a racist, he's a d-bag. Dude's just a freakin' liability. I just hate when a group turns on an individual merely because it's become popular or convenient. I mean, it's obvious they don't really care that he's racist, OR they would have ousted him years ago. So all this really is, is the NBA trying to save face. And, I'm sorry. But I don't want to see them do that. I'm a big fan of just desserts, consequences and whatnot. And I want to see the NBA struggle to get this thing done. It probably won't happen, just because so many people want Sterling out. But I'd love to see the NBA squirm. It's the least they should have to go through after carrying on with that chirad that helped line their pockets for the better part of the last quarter century...

The NBA, man. It's a freakin' shit show. No wonder Dennis Rodman needed to go to North Korea for a break...


As for the rest of the landscape. I recommend you check out the US Open this weekend. No Tiger, but the talent he's left in his wake is something to see (most notably the 2 Masters champs up top). Basically all these guys for whom he set the bar are now thriving, while at the same time finding the fields much deeper than before Tiger's prime. Anyone can win, and it's great. And with the US Open's traditionally challenging layout, it should make for a weekend of good watchin'...

Otherwise, amuse yourselves as you will. And I'll catch you next week. You know, when hopefully the Red Sox will be on an uptick. OR maybe they'll have fired John Farrel and replaced him with Jason Varitek. You know, because apparently that's the smart thing to do these days...

Until then, friends. Be good...


#BAGSMUNMAN

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Holt and Catch Fire?

Brock Holt is batting .333 with an .869 OPS in 101 at bats.
Boston Red Sox
Overall: 27-30 (2.5 games out of AL Playoffs)
Last Week: 5-1

Have I seen the new AMC show that helped spawn the title of this week's post? No, I have not (and apparently neither has anyone else). But I love me some abstract word play, so here we are. And you deserve to have lengths gone to in your honor when you're a young utility player that's helped spark a record setting run. So, yeah. Here we are...

As for the Red Sox play of late. Notably, their being only the 3rd team in MLB history to back up a 10+ game losing streak with a winning streak of 7 or more. It would be more encouraging if it weren't so flukey (with key performances mostly coming from projected role players and prospects). On the one hand, it's great to see youngsters like Brock Holt and Ruby de la Rosa showing that they can help contribute to the big club (not to mention the current hot streak being enjoyed by Xander Bogaerts). But we all know that it's going to take consistent contributions from the big money players in order for this team to compete. And as encouraging as those young guys have been, they certainly seem like short term answers to long term problems. I mean, I'd love to be surprised. But there's a reason these guys started the season in the minors...
Rubby De La Rosa's full arsenal was on display in
his 1st start for the Sox. With some saying he has the
best changeup since...Clay Buchholz...

It's great to see them playing with the passion I knocked them for lacking last week, though. I'm thinking that scuffle with Tampa has been partly responsible for that, though. So we'll see how long that lasts...

Winning alone can bring that passion and excitement back, though. And with it, should come that fabled "accountability" I've been preaching about. But I'll look for a little more consistency before I start expecting that. Because, let's be honest. We're still talking about an under .500 team. And until that's no longer the case, there's really no reason to get too wrapped up into "why" they're 3 games under .500. They're there because they're consistently mediocre. And I don't think anything embodies that more than losing 10 and winning 7...

And, unfortunately. I think we're in for a lot of that for the rest of the summer. I'm not writing this team off, making any sweeping indictments, OR pretending to be encouraged because this stuff is "good for the future!". But inconsistency has been their calling car to this point, and barring something drastic, I fully expect that trend to continue. You know, for better or for worse...

In other news: Fargo is still the jump off, Louie is still (intentionally?) sketchy as all Hell, and this was probably the only performance you "missed" if you didn't catch the latest Rock & Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremony...



Oh, and this was pretty awesome, too...



If there's any justice (spoiler alert: there isn't), Tom will get just as rousing and deserving a speech when he gets in. But, yeah. It's gonna be tough for anyone to do that one justice. Well done, Mr. Morello. Your speech was better than any song I ever heard KISS actually play. And I actually like "Lick It Up" quite a bit. DON'T WANNA WAIT TIL YOU KNOW ME BETTER! (RIFF RIFF RIFF, RIFF RIFF RIFF!)...

Otherwise, the induction ceremony was oddly underwhelming. Hall & Oates, Peter Gabriel, and Cat Stevens were just OK. And in another stunner, the HBO production team really butchered the tribute to the E Street Band. It was just a mess, with music often playing over them as they spoke, and with photos and videos being choppily thrown in as if there had been some shortage of time. Something I don't find likely, seeing as the broadcast was more than 3 hours long...

But, yeah. You can't win 'em all, and this was a rare miss in my book for HBO and the Rock & Roll HOF. I mean, I guess Gary Clark Jr. was busy, or somethin'. Meh. Maybe next time...


And, speaking of next time. That's when I'll catch you Teds! Hopefully, we'll again be talking about how the Red Sox made me look the fool with their winning ways. But, either way. I'm sure I'll find some top on which to wax poetic. Or whichever way I happen to feel like waxing at the time. Maybe I'll be waxing about the first Triple Crown winner since 1978? But, yeah. Probably not. Wax off, my damies. Wax off...

Be good...

#BAGSMUNMAN