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Saturday, November 30, 2013

White Saturday Special...


"Black Friday is just a regular Friday that smokes Newports and chases chicks with big asses."

Saw that on Twitter. Hilarious. And who doesn't love themselves a Newport or 2 now and again? Smoking a cough drop? Yeah, sign me up for that. OR don't. I will take me some of that big ass, though...

BOOM! WHITE SATURDAY!

And, yeah. There's no significance behind "White Saturday". Although I do like to think I'm doing my part in helping to even out the potential for racial inequality. Black Friday? That shit's just racist, B...

Oh, right. I have football picks for you, too. Because white, black. We all love to gamble. Not so sure about the Spanish, though. Jury's still out on them. Pretty sure they're pumped for big asses, though. So there's always that. Common ground, bodiqua. We gotta find it...

OK good luck, Teds...

Week 13 Picks
Jacksonville Jaguars (+7) @ Cleveland Browns + OVER 40

Tennessee Titans (+4) @ Indianapolis Colts
Say I needed a place to rest my beverage...

Chicago Bears (+1) @ Minnesota Vikings

New York Jets (-2) vs Miami Dolphins

Arizona Cardinals (+3.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles

New England Patriots (-7.5) @ Houston Texans

Buffalo Bills (-3) vs Atlanta Falcons

St. Louis Rams (+9) @ San Francisco 49ers

Denver Broncos (-5.5) @ Kansas City Chiefs & UNDER 50

San Diego Chargers (-1) vs Cincinnati Bengals

New York Giants (-1.5) @ Washington Tedskins

Monday Night
Seattle Seahawks (-5) vs New Orleans Saints


Last Week: 11-6-1 (2-1 on Thanksgiving)

Overall: 93-85-9 (.521)


NCAA Top 25 Picks
(4) Auburn (+10.5) vs (1) Alabama

Florida (+31.5) vs (2) Florida St.

(3) Ohio St. (-15) @ Michigan

(5) Missouri (-4) vs (19) Texas A&M

(6) Clemson (+5) @ (10) South Carolina

(8) Stanford (-14.5) vs (25) Notre Dame

TCU (+12.5) vs (9) Baylor

(11) Michigan St. (-14.5) vs Minnesota

(14) Wisconsin (-24.5) vs Penn St.

(23) USC (-3.5) vs (22) UCLA

(24) Duke (+5.5) @ North Carolina


Last Week: 3-4-0

Overall: 59-50-4 (.540)


#BAGSMUNMAN

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Thanksgiving Picks: That's My Dog...


According to tradition, Thanksgiving is a time to celebrate who, and what, you have in your life. In reality, we all know it's just some commercialized buffet that does more to support diabetes and imperialism than it does family values and friendship. But that's neither here nor there. Sure, the holiday has lost almost all of it's historical luster. But that doesn't mean we still can't enjoy what we've got and give thanks. And what we've had, too. Like Brian Griffin, who passed away, this Sunday, after a 14 year run as the arrogant social conscience of not only Family guy, but his also adoptive family. He was a great dog, and an even better character. One that will probably go down as one of TV's all time best, animated or not. That's how transcendent that rat bastard was. And not all the "Doggie Walnuts" in the world will be able to replace him. I mean, I doubt this "Vinnie" even has a novle that he's been workin' on...

But we move on. And before I do, here's a list of things I'm thankful for. OK, wait. I'm not gonna do that. But I will channel my inner Kevin Garnett as I thank my family, friends, CJ, Moo Moo & Ennis the Menace. They're what make life worth living for this guy. And here's to hoping you have just many creatively named people with which you too can enjoy your holiday...

Gobble gobble, my friends. Happy Thanksgiving. And I'll catch you next time. Oh, and in honor of Brian's passing, I decided to pick all underdogs in today's slate. Which is a lie, because I really just like all of the underdogs to cover. But, hey. It works. And you know it works...

So gobble gobble again, my friends. OR "Happy Turkmas", if you're not into the whole "gobbly" thing. Enjoy the holiday weekend, and I'll catch you next time...

Thanksgiving Picks
Green Bay Packers (+6) @ Detroit Lions

Oakland Raiders (+9.5) @ Dallas Cowboys

Pittsburgh Steelers (+3) @ Baltimore Ravens


Last Week: 9-5-1

Overall: 91-84-9 (.519)


#BAGSMUNMAN

Friday, November 22, 2013

Week 12 Picks: Butt, and to the Left...


That's the best GIF ever, up there. Something I'm sure you're aware of, seeing that I've already posted it many times even though it's only been existence for a few months. And I post it again to remind you all how big of a lying fraud Alex Rodriguez is. He went on Mike Francesa's show to plead his case after storming out of his meeting with MLB mediators, and so I'm posting this GIF of the 'Don of the DC' again because I think it accurately depicts how hilarious the whole situation is. I could have gone with some sort of JFK tribute pic, I suppose. It being the 50th anniversary of his assassination, and all. But I think this is better. And that's really all I have to say about the matter. Which is to say, I basically just wanted to post this GIF again, and that was my weak explanation. As if that GIF needs an explanation...

It's also the 1st anniversary of GIF #2 in the Rooch Nation Hall of Fame...


See that? Butt, and to the left. BUTT, and to the left. Yeah. Mostly Lee Harvey ASSwald, am I right? Yeah, I'm right. Never forget, friends. NEVER FORGET!

OK. Enjoy the picks, kids...

Friday, November 15, 2013

Week 11 Picks: Good Luck, Everybody Else!


Well, I've finally figured out what's worse than listening to former football players and baseball writers talk about hockey as if they've been following it since their youth. And it's those same Teds trying to stir up a debate on the virtues of tanking in the NBA (Coach K calls it "Un-American", I call it "wicked retahded"), while at the same time trying to discuss potential impact players from the college ranks, when they'd otherwise regularly laugh about how theirs is a sport that isn't worthy of their time. It's all rather embarrassing. Whether it's the NBA and it's laughable tank-inspiring system, OR the fact that the role of today's sports jock is merely to bounce from topic to topic like a Methed up ferret. OR, you know. The fact that they just turned this trick when the Bruins were suddenly relevant, and now seem to have made it into an actual blueprint for how to get things done. Which is far and away the most embarrassing part for those of us that clamor for local sports talk, but are forced to settle for national guys like Dan Patrick if we actually want to listen to people that know what they're talking about. Not that DP isn't the man, because he is. But there's nothing quite like great local sports talk...

Sparty on, Mateen!
And, yes. Twitter is great. We all love Twitter. And it can be a very useful tool in terms of a LIVE radio show. But I'd rather see a show bring on an allegedly educated and informed guest if they want to go beyond the scope of their expertise, rather than ignorantly theorize just because that's what the masses are clamoring for on the various social networks. Twitter chief among them, seeing as most you can easily picture most jocks merely reading their timelines as you listen to them on the radio. And I get it. You talk about what's trending, and that's how you pump up the ratings. But catering to the loudest common denominator won't get you anywhere worth being. We all know they aren't really "listening", anyway. Because if they were, they would have blasTed you when "Mateen Cleaves" was the only player on Michigan St. you could name. I mean, he left there 13 years ago. But sure...

There's a silver lining to this shit filled sack, though. Because if I'm bitching about how the Boston sports jocks aren't meeting my elitist standards in terms of talking college hoops, that at least means that the college basketball season has actually begun. Right? And while I won't be releasing a Top 25 poll until the new year, I was excited to finally see some of the big boys officially kick off the new season with the Champions Classic in Chicago. Unfortunately, if that pair of games were any indication, the upcoming season might be all for naught if the Kansas Jayhawks continue to play at the level they exhibited on Tuesday night...

Michigan St. and Duke were impressive, too. Don't get me wrong. While Kentucky looked more like they did a year ago than the Anthony Davis team that cut down the nets (though Randle is a MAN. There's no doubting that). But between Andrew Wiggins, Perry Ellis and Wayne Selden Jr, Kansas should prove too explosive and efficient for any of those other top tier teams to handle. Especially Eliis, that smooth bastard. He just makes it look so easy. Which is all the more impressive considering he really only burst onto the scene about 3/4 of the way through last season...

I mean, I don't wanna call this annually epic, season long race over before it's even really begun. But, yeah. I can't help but feel like Bill Self and friends are in the driver's seat. And I don't mean that in a "they have control of their own destiny" sort of way. I mean it in an Asian woman changing lanes on a major highway sort of way...



Yeah. Good luck everybody else, indeed. And good luck to all of you wrestling with this week's football picks. And good luck to the Celtics? I hope they...lose?

Yeah, OK. Whatever you say, "fans of the sport". Enjoy...

Friday, November 08, 2013

Week 10 Picks: That's Enough, Pilgrim...


So, yeah. Really glad the only definitive statements I made in my rant earlier this week were that the Dolphin front office was inept, and that Richie Ingocnito was just generally a scumbag and likely a racist. Because with each passing moment, it becomes less and less clear what the Hell is actually going on down there. Whatever it is, the front office has certainly done a shit job of handling it. And Incognito's track record alone proves that he's lacking any admirable character traits. But the responses of the Dolphin players and coaches over the past 48 hours have only further muddied a situation that wasn't exactly crystal clear to begin with...

I mean, is it possible that Jonathan Martin is just a nut job that went off the edge? Sure, that's possible. But it's also possible that the average NFL meat head is just that big of an ignorant dick that he wouldn't even recognize actual bullying when he saw it. And right now, I'd have to lean in that direction. Because even if Martin was allegedly sharing the infamous epithet laced voice mail with teammates while laughing, that still jives with the behavior of someone being picked on. At least it does when coupled with all of the other alleged allegations. You know, like the text message from a teammate that allegedly said the player in question was going to rape Martin's sister...

SO, yeah. We might not know exactly what's going on there, and it doesn't appear to be ending anytime soon. But I do think it's safe to say that, whatever the Hell is unfolding, it's due in no small part to a complete institutional failure on the part of the Miami Dolphins. And seeing as I don't really consider it any sort of "news" that the Dolphins are completely inept, OR that the average NFL locker room is full of guys that are so smart that they just realized that being hit in the head might not be good for their brain. Then I'm just going to let this thing play out until there are actual facts on the table, and we've actually heard from all parties involved. Otherwise, any analysis or commentary just becomes unnecessary and reckless speculation. And ain't nobody got time for that...

Except for right now, of course. As I will now needlessly and recklessly speculate as to who's going to win this week's football games. But that's different. You know, because I'm not a racist meat head...

Enjoy...

Tuesday, November 05, 2013

Confessions of a Button Pusher: Why There's Plenty of Blame to Go Around in the Richie Incognito Case...


Not that this is going to come as any sort of revelation to anyone that knows me, but I consider "pushing buttons" as one of my all time favorite past times. What can I say? I like to mix it up, stir the pot, and go out of my way to make sure that people don't get a "free pass". And while my penchant for such things has endeared me to many, it's also been the cause of the demise of more relationships than I'd care to admit. I like to think I've learned from those experiences, but that's not really my call. Just like it's never the call of the "bully" in determining what is and what is not offensive or hurtful to the person they're mocking. Which is why there's really no way that Richie Incognito isn't in the wrong...

Friday, November 01, 2013

Week 9 Picks: So Long, Beard Strong...


Start Teddin' the news, my damies! the Red Sox are world champions and I'll be damned if it doesn't feel...good? Yeah, I guess "good" is about all I can muster. I mean, I'm pumped for the bragging rights and the chance to snag a new hoodie or two. But between the '01 Patriots-like improbability of the thing, and the fact that I was 21 years old when they finally broke the curse (AKA right in the meat of every man's sports loving wheelhouse, where camaraderie flows like the salmon to Capistroano), I just can't bring myself to even let this improbable run by an incredibly likable group of guys even approach putting a dent in my personal pantheon...

I'm not selling the accomplishment short, nor am I trying to put out the championship flames with my less than positive spin. I'm merely reinforcing the fact that while many outsiders will look at "Boston sports fans" and call us spoiled, "jaded" is probably a much more apt description. At least it's appropriate when describing me. Maybe it's because of the anticlimactic way in which the game ended, or maybe it's because I know that so many that created that electric atmosphere at Fenway these past few weeks spent most of the Summer dry humping the Bruins' off season activities and paying little mind to the team that used to dominate the city's sports scene. But I think it's really just that '04 spoiled me. '04 was like that first hit of heroin, if I'm to believe what I've seen on TV and read extensively on the Interweb. Which I'm wont to do. And while every hit since has been a fantastic ride on that prize winning white horse, it's just never as good as that very first time. You know, when you had no idea what to exactly expect...


Jaded? Sure. But a jaded junkie need not worry about these things. So allow me to cut myself short before I ruin all of our respective highs. It was a great season, with an incredible finish. And while my arm will inevitably be itching again before I even finish this sentence, let it never be said that I didn't appreciate this team, this ride, and the incredibly entertaining and unexpected way in which it all unfolded. And that's really all that matters.  I mean, a ride on the white horse is a ride on the white horse, after all. And I'll be whipping that rat bastard til he Eight Belles' his way into a substandard can of store brand dog food. If for no other treason than to continue chasing that high that I know I'll likely never be able to reign in again. At least not from a sports fan standpoint...

But that's not your problem. Your problem is figuring out which of my football picks this week were made while I was on smack, and which ones are actually legit. Which is to say they're at least the ones I made while I was only looking for smack or figuring ways to sell my bodily fluids for more smack money. You'd be amazed at how much money you can get for a bag of your own feces form the guys that hang out behind the YMCA. $25! And all they ask is that you give out a few "bum hugs" to the local residents in addition to the product.. PS - they're really hand jobs. Don't believe when one of them offers to show his "purple heart", either. Freakin scam artists. You'd think those involved in the smack for poo game would have more of a sense for fair trade. And you'd be wrong...

Enjoy...