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Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Baseball Being Baseball...


Well, despite the fact that another week has passed, my March Madness hangover remains (the release of the fact that Syracuse will share a home+home with Duke in their first year in the ACC isn't helping). Don't get me wrong, I'm already headlong into baseball, with my 3 rotisserie teams and my recent foray into DraftDay.com. But in terms of writing about it? Meh. Even dedicating 15 minutes of my week to the topic just doesn't get the ole blood boilin' yet. And I say "yet", because I know it will, eventually. Mostly because videos like the one below serve as a consistent reminder as to why I love that game so much...



..or maybe it's a reminder as to how much I love the people of Asia, and their penchant for the tiny, loud, bright, and bat shit crazy MR FUN TIME!!!! elements of TV and sport?



OK, so it's probably the Asians. But, whatever. They love baseball. And my continued attraction to all things that make that region puzzling hilarious probably means I'll be in the right frame of mind to begin chatting about it sooner rather than later. OR maybe it's a sign that I'm actually going to win some money this year betting on the Triple Crown?! Nah, it couldn't be that. If anything, I've already doomed Rick Pitino's poor horse to a finish similar to that of Eight Belles. You know? An unexpected win followed soon thereafter my an even more unexpected death LIVE on the track? Yeah, should be eventful. And you're not going to want to miss it. So stay tuned...



I'd also be remiss if I didn't express my gratitude with the local and national authorities on their capture of Boston Marathon bombing "suspect 2", and restoring the city of Boston and the surrounding areas to a relative state of normalcy. I'm not necessarily pumped, Constitution-wise, how they did it. But that's why I write about sports, movies and large breasted celebrities. IT's also why I vote. And yes, Colonel Jessup. I'm basking in the freedom you provide while at the same time questioning the manner in which you provide it. Sorry. Now please don't use my skull as a makeshift urinal...

Enjoy the rest of your week, friends. And get some baseball up in your system. I know the NBA playoffs are going on, but you've got at least another 2 weeks before those series will start to resemble anything remotely close to actual basketball. So use that time to watch some of the past time. And don't be afraid to gamble a bit, either. IT'S SUPER CRAZY BIG FUN FANASTIC!


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

4-15-13


I was supposed to talk baseball, this week. And in light of Tiger's near DQ at The Masters, I was probably going to talk about that, too (I'll let Drew Magary do that for me in a way only he knows how). But in light of Monday's tragic events at the Boston Marathon, all I've got for you is this:

Events like the ones that unfolded Monday and it's aftermath bring out simultaneously the best and the worst traits that we as Americans seem to be uniquely familiar. The best, being the actions of the first responders, with the worst, being the actions of the majority of the media and those whose first concern is to attach their name to the most outrageous and unfounded conspiracy theories...

I said it after Newtown, and I didn't receive all too positive a reaction. But I'll say it again. When you treat events like the ones up in Boston as you'd treat the impending birth of large assed Armenian porn star; which is to say, you treat it as "info-tainment" instead of actual acts of terror happening around you; then you desensitize us all. And in doing so, you make the event more about you than the people that are actually suffering. If you care, then go donate blood and call your local authorities to see if you can help. If you don't care? Hey, that's fine, too. I can relate to apathy. Especially in the world we currently live in where while rare in America, these attacks are rather commonplace. Just be careful not to get caught in that middle ground of feigning interest and sympathy just to make sure you fit in with the current 15 second news cycle...

I'm all for finding who did this, cutting off their junk, and making them hang in effigy from the Citgo sign. It's just that the way we as a country continually react to these events is getting rather ridiculous. Conspiracy theories? "False flags"? Irresponsible media outlets spiking the death toll just to get ratings? IT's really quite pathetic. Three people are dead, folks. One of them an 8 year old child. And, oh yeah. One of our country's most iconic cities was attacked. That needs to be the focus, here. That, and how we as average citizens can reasonably help. Not which major news network got the death toll right first, or whether or not this is a homeland conspiracy. IF there are ultimately 12 dead? Congratu-freaking-lations, you miserable bastards. Way to wait be someone's bedside for them to die so you can be proven right. And if it does turn out to be a conspiracy? OK, then it is. But unless you're an actual investigator, you're probably best to leave that be (let alone conduct your own second hand investigation on the various social media outlets). OR don't, in which case I have an Oliver Stone film to show you involving a knoll of a certain grassy significance...

Monday's bombing was horrific. There's no doubt about it. And sitting here, right now. That's all we know. That it was horrific. So if you want to grieve? Then, by all means, grieve away. I know these events have given me pause, due to their proximity to my friends and family. And feel free to do so in any manner that you see fit. Just make sure that you're grieving doesn't merely become "noise", because then the message is lost. It will stop being about those that died and were hurt, and become all about whose got the best idea for a tribute OR the most outlandish conspiracy. There's a time for all of that, but now is the time to mourn those that have passed, praise those that were brave enough to help and hope that the powers that be can efficiently and effectively bring those that are responsible to justice. I know, I don't have all that much faith in the government or law enforcement, either. But they're the ones that are tagged with taking care of this, so I'm gonna let them have at it...

Oh, and a quick aside to all the conspiracy buffs out there. Because I know after that last line you were probably shaking your collective heads at my perceived naivete:

I think conspiracy theories are great. Probably why I've read thousands of pages and watched dozens of hours on the assassination of JFK. But for the most part, they're merely that. Theories. Adventurous and overly ambitious ideas that have been molded and cultivated due to massive holes in the investigation surrounding the event to which they're connected. Why were there these massive holes? Because it's nearly impossible to prove ANY case in such a fashion as to leave absolutely no doubt. Hence, beyond a reasonable doubt. And if there's any shred of doubt, that opens the doors wide open to conspiracy...

And now, in the age of the Internet and instant communication, where photos can be altered and posted in seconds, those theories can irresponsibly spread like wild fire and end up making fools out of seemingly intelligent and informed people. I'm not saying don't search for your own answers, and accept what "the man" is telling you. Far from it. Search for your own answers, by all means. Just keep in mind that A) it's likely that the person volunteering info to support a conspiracy probably has just as strong and slanted an agenda as "the man" AND B) Any "conspiracy" worth talking about, is probably impossible, due to the fact that it involves human beings. I think we all know that there's no way a decent sized group of us could keep secrets like the ones allegedly kept in famous conspiracies like the JFK assassination, Pearl Harbor or the attacks on 9/11, when most of us have trouble keeping surprise birthday parties secret. So, you know. Grain of salt. I know we all want the perpetrators to be "worthy" in terms of power and evil prowess in our eyes, it's just that rarely if ever does that actually turn out to be the case...

We can't stop these attacks, we can't. Not without drastically altering a way of life, which we won't do. Mostly because we're proud and stubborn Americans. Two of the overlying characteristics that make this country so great. Not to piss off my Boston friends anymore, with this comparison. But we're like the stereotypical Italian white guy from Brooklyn in terms of countries. "Ay, oh! You're tryin' to attack us over here? How bout we come ova there and snap you in half like my grandma Marie's almond biscotti!" Which is why I feel we'll rise above this, and yet again come out on the other side a stronger country for it. Just so long as we don't get bogged down in all the noise...


Hope that wasn't too insensitive for ya, friends. It's just how I feel, and per usual, I thought I would share...

Try to enjoy the rest of your week, and be sure to do whatever it is that you can do in order to help those around you best deal with these horrific events...

#BOSTON

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

From Mad-ness to Mad Men. Baseball & Boobs, Too...


OK, so let's get down to brass tacks. Did I think that was a terrible charging call against Brandon Triche? Yes, yes I did. Do I think that call was a major turning point in that game? Yes, yes I do. Do I think that call is the reason that the Orange didn't get a chance at their second National title? No, no I do not. I'll get into that (even though I basically just did), and talk about one of the greatest championship games I've ever seen, as we say goodbye to basketball and hello to the boys of Summer. It's not the smoothest of transitions, as even a very big fan of both I have to admit. But the gambling element helps smooth it over. As it's been known to do from time to time...

Gratuitous flesh seems to help too, in my experience. Which is why, even though Syracuse lost, I feel compelled to present you with these...

As long as you don't get it stuck in your head that those
are two alien babies dry humping under a tarp, then this is hot.
BLAAAHHHHOW!!!

Figured that was only appropriate after my promise of boobs coincided with the long awaited premiere of the 6th season of Mad Men. OK, so now we can move on...

Wednesday, April 03, 2013

2013 Final Four: Orange You Glad You Didn't Take My Advice?


It truly is great to be in a win/win situation. A place I've been lucky enough to find myself throughout this entire NCAA Tournament in regards to my Syracuse Orange. I say they'll underachieve? They end up making to their first Final Four since when I was a sophomore there in 2003. You know, the year they happened to win the National Title? Yeah, that's something I still make sure to tell anyone that even shows the slightest interest in college basketball or sporting events at large. "Oh, you like hoops? Yeah, well I was up in Syracuse in 2003...". I try to slip it in casually, but I'm sure I still come off sounding like a combination of Donald Trump & Johnny Miller. You know, a equal parts arrogant name dropper and pretentious douche?..

But enough about old bald bastards who can't stand the fact that they're further past their prime than a "breakfast dog" from 7/11. It's time to break down the prime time players and teams that have found their ways to Atlanta for the Final Four. And by "break down", I mean making sweeping generalizations and several attempts at humor, while still continuing to undersell my Orange. I definitely don't mean "break down" as in Kevin Ware's leg. The gruesome snapping of which brought to mind both Lawrence Taylor and Jon Voight. Something that, needless to say, isn't all that easy to do...

And while I could explain to you how I got to those two legends in my head 6 Degrees of Keivn Bacon-style, it's better if we all just move on. Ya know, before this turns into me looking for nude shots of Ali Larter and Angelina Jolie. Because, yes. The Jon Voight I was thinking of was coach Bud Kilmer in Varsity Blues, and the reason I was thinking of him was because I had heard Ware's leg snapped so easily due to the fact that it had probably been seriously injured numerous times before. Not saying Ware needs to take over and start coaching the team on crutches, Lance Harbor style. But at least we've come to peace to the madness that's going on in my head, and can move onto the madness that'll actually be occurring on the court...

SO, like a case of Codeine cough syrup, it's off to Atlanta. And here's to hopin' this weekend's slate goes down smoother than a liter of Lean...

Enjoy, friends...