Wednesday, September 18, 2013

How Lo Can You Go...

Remember that scene in Jackie Brown, when Samuel L. feels he has to kill Bobby D.? And how while he's doing it, he agonizingly says to him, "What the fuck happened to you, man? Your ass used to be beautiful."? No? Well, I linked to it, you lazy bastards. So feel free to check it out so you know what I'm talking about. And then you'll know how I feel on days like this past Tuesday. Where not once, but twice I turned on Boston sports talk radio (2 different stations) to find them talking about the possible return of former Bruins goalie Tim Thomas. You heard me. The possible return, of a guy whose sport doesn't even start for another few weeks, and who isn't even currently on an NHL team's active roster!!!

But, yeah. It's not like the Red Sox are on the doorstep of a historic playoff run, or anything. OR like the Patriots are as shadily interesting as they've been in ages, thanks to their depleted roster. No, yeah. Let's talk hockey. Because that makes a lot of sense...

Poor Boston sports talk. What was once a beacon on the sports landscape, now reduced to little more than First Take sans the pictures. OMG TUUKKA CLODE LUCIC GUY!!

And if you think I'm just bitter, you're probably right. I mean, I'm coming off the best fantasy weekend any one of you has probably ever seen (MICHAEL VICK GON MAKE YOU SICK!!), yet I still chose to chew out the industry in which I still hold out hopes of making my career instead of bragging about my god-like performance. Except right there, where I just mentioned it in perhaps the worst humble brag of all time...

I'm not not all gloom and doom, though. And to prove it, here's this:

This (no link needed):

This (likewise):

And this, too. Which is arguably the greatest obituary I've ever read. Matter of fact, it's so good that I think I might even claim it as my own when I finally shed this mortal coil. I mean, I'll probably change the name. but I'm already leaning towards using the current picture. Should serve as the perfect compliment to my proposed gravestone inscription... #RIP

And just for good measure, to prove once and for all that I'm really not (always) a cynical bastard. Here are 5 Lindsay Lohan GIFs...

Leave it to Lindsay to serve as the proof that not all hope is lost...even if virtually all of these GIFs were created before she spent several stints in rehab. Whatever. Details...

And here's a round up of this past weekend's picks. Not as pretty as the view above, but at least I'm trending in the right direction. Well, at least with my NFL picks...which basically means my results are equally as shitty as last week, just differently dispersed. Again. Details...

NFL Picks

Last Week: 8-7-1

Overall: 13-17-2 (.438)

NCAA Picks

Last Week: 3-4-1

Overall: 8-7-1 (.531)

Anyway, I'll catch you Friday, friends. We'll talk hockey. OR maybe football. Ya know, whichever seems more relevant at the time. Probably have a few more Lindsay GIFs, too. Because why the Hell not...



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