Tuesday, July 02, 2013

Stern's Last Draft As The C's 'Dump for Drew'...

Here we are. Just a few weeks from baseball's All Star break, and another week removed from the Aaron Hernandez situation. So, obviously I'm going to start things off this week by talking about the Bill Simmons, Danny Ainge, Doc Rivers and the NBA Draft. Mostly because I'm a glutton for punishment, but mostly because I love dumping on the aforementioned parties more than Celtics fans are going to enjoy watching their beloved green shirts 'Dumping For Drew'. Which is, of course, the name I've gone ahead and made the team's official slogan as they attempt to land Canadian wunderkind and current Kansas Jayhawk, Andrew Wiggins...

But we'll get to all that. And I'll circle back around to talk about Hernandez, too. And how somehow I keep getting put in the position of defending a guy that's looking like every bit the criminal that the state of Massachusetts is accusing him of being...


The Boston Celtics fan base has made one thing abundantly clear during Danny Ainge's tenure as the team's GM. They're willing to put up with "tanking", as long as the end result is a duck boat parade and a Christmas filled with new championship hoodies. Were that not the case, then he probably wouldn't have dared to pull off that roster dismantling he piloted on draft night (he's likely to deal Rajon Rondo before it's all over, too), fearing instead that putting out a less than watchable product could possibly cost him his job. But no. This is the NBA, where you almost have to blow up your team like this if you really want to rebuild. And this is Boston, where a once proud sports fan base can now be easily placated with promises for the future, rather than actual results in the present. So he did it again, and now hopes against hope that once again all of the prerequisite ping pong balls will bounce his way. Much like they did when he avoided Greg Oden in favor of Ray Allen and a 17th banner...

I know I was saying 'Boo-Stern'. How that tweet
 of mine didn't go "viral", I'll never know. Oh, right.
It's because you're all Teds...
But hey, I can't fault Danny for doing what he's doing. Especially when he's done it to such great success. Doesn't change the fact that he often makes himself look like an immature prick by going out of his way to deny things that everyone already knows to be true. But he's set the Celtics up for another shot at some long term success. Something even a staunch critic like yours truly would be hard pressed to deny. And that's his job. So, I guess he's proven that he's pretty good at it. OR at least that he's not as inept as most of his counterparts. Yeah, I'll go with the second one. Seems more appropriate than patting him on the back. Especially after he just traded up to take a 7 foot Canadian that can't play a lick of defense...

Other winners from the Draft include David Stern, who brilliantly managed being booed all night as only he could. And the Philadelphia 76ers, who somehow turned Jrue Holiday and irrelevance into Nerlens Noel and a future first round pick (not to mention adding Michael Carter Williams). Right? That's what I mean when I talk about Danny merely being less inept than his peers. I know Jrue Holiday is good, but he's no "top rated player of a draft class & a 1st round pick in what's already being heralded as one of the best draft classes of of all time" good. Is he Of course he isn't, and New Orleans isn't going to win anything close to a title with him on their roster. Yet, here we are...

The freakin' NBA. It's like Rat Race, with millionaires and billionaires doing things simply to amuse themselves while giving no thought to the greater good. Except, you know. With the main difference being that the NBA is actually hilarious. I do love me some Draft, though. It's like a goodbye rip with my old college friends, where we can all say goodbye, talk about all the good times and laugh at someone's drunk uncle. UNCLE DAVE! STOP...STOP TRYING TO GET HAKEEM OLAJUWON TO PICK YOU UP AND TICKLE YOU LIKE A TINY BABY! NO! AND HEY, NO! STOP TRYING TO GET HIM TO SAY BIG WORDS BECAUSE YOU THINK HIS ACCENT IS FUNNY!

Hip? Hip hop? Hip hip anonymous?

Yes, I just worked in a Big Daddy reference. And oddly enough I'm pretty sure it worked. What? Maybe you would have preferred lamb and tuna fish?...

Speaking of inept and hilarious. You have to love the Bill Simmons/Glenn Rivers "you forced your way out of town"/"you can't say anything because you never played" spat that's been playing itself out over a myriad of media outlets. Mostly because its occurring between two guys who've incorrectly been led to believe that they're elite talents in their respective professions. But mostly because they're both just smug d-bags that think they're holier than thou and find it totally unacceptable that someone dare question their qualifications, let alone their opinions...

They're 'Boston guys', though. So they'll both get a public pass for their smug d-baggyness once this all blows over. Then, they'll likely end the whole spat publicly (on ESPN, of course) when they share a laugh and a hug at the start of a Clippers' game (Simmons being in LA now, and all. The Boston icon that he is...). Should look about as authentic as when Bill was caught banging on the glass rooting for his suddenly competitive Bruins. Minus his dad and his moustache creeping people out in the background, of course. Wouldn't be surprised to see 'Cousin Sal', though. If that's even still a thing. Sorry, but my exposure to Simmons since "his" teams started winning has been rather limited (almost strictly 30 for 30s). With my desire to keep my food down while reading about sports and all...

Oh, and Simmons getting all that love for insulting Doc by calling him "Glenn"?! Yeah, send that to 5 years ago when I started doing it, and I might consider it funny or original. Not saying I invented it. After all, it is the guy's name.  But to start using it now after years of presumed ball washing (like I said, I don't read. But I assume he's been pro "his" team winning) just doesn't seem all that genuine. You know what? Scratch that. If it seems disingenuous and dated, then it's right up Simmons' alley. Never mind. Resume business as usual, NBA. You've obviously got things right where you want them. With your most poplar analyst and your highest paid coach taking to Twitter for a 21st century game of "he said he said". Carry on...

Hahaha. The NBA. IT is entertaining, if nothing else. Guess I've gotta give 'em that. Even if I'm laughing at them instead of laughing with them. Except Uncle Dave, up there. He's laughing his way right on into the sunset and leaving behind what appears to be the bastard child of Skeeter Valentine and Mr. Burns. Meh, guess he couldn't be any worse than his predecessor...

...says the guy that hopes he's somehow hilariously worse... #exxxxcellent #beepbeep

No, but in all seriousness. David Stern always confused me. So charismatic, and seeming so savvy when you hear him speak. But then his actions. Yeah, guess I;'ll just have to chalk up his tenure to two intelligent people seeing things completely differently. His way being to make as much money as possible, with my more righteous way obviously being to give the fans a better product on the court for which to root for...

But, yeah. It was a fun ride while it lasted, Davey. / it really wasn't. Later...

As for an update on the Aaron Hernandez "situation", I'm happy to say that no former players or members of the media have embarrassed themselves while trying to express their thoughts on the tight end's alleged involvement in the murder of a friend. Except for, ya know. Virtually everyone that's tried to voice their opinion in public or put their thoughts to paper. Jason WhitlockAshley Fox(?), and Matt Light? I'm looking at you...

Fox seems convinced, like so many others, that the "Patriot Way" refers to something other than having a heartless approach to roster management. While Whitlock makes the very Whitlock-ian assertion that somehow The Sopranos is to blame for why Hernandez did what he did (seriously). Meanwhile, both apparently get paid to write such things. Arguably the greatest travesty of them all...

Here's what Hernandez and his situation "say" about the NFL. And it's the same thing the situation "says" about "we" as a society. Which is, of course, absolutely nothing. At least, nothing new. And I feel safe in saying that anyone trying to make grand statements to the contrary can be immediately written off as either self serving or straight up ignorant. That's not to say that we shouldn't take time to reflect on who we are or what we've become. But it's basically never going to be the actions of just one person that suddenly put a
major problem like the ones Whitlock and Fox are talking about clearly into focus. I agree that there should be a reaction to this horrific situation, just not a grand sweeping one meant merely to point out the author's issues with society as a whole...

"Why am I fat? Oh, because The Sopranos..."
As for Matt Light, his revisionist "I knew he wasn't right" bull shit is exactly that. Oh, you were never "down" with what Hernandez was about? Sweet. And I thought it was a great idea to stock up on bars of gold and Apple stock a few years back. Whats that? Since I didn't voice that publicly, and thus can't prove it, then it doesn't mean shit? Yeah, you're damn straight it doesn't...

Listen, I'm not particularly enjoying being put in a position where it appears as though I'm constantly "defending" Aaron Hernandez. But I also don't understand the constant need for some people to be "out in front" of stories where their being "right" doesn't do anyone any good. I get that Light wants to be truthful. But there's a line between being truthful and being helpful. Not a particularly fine one, either. And Light knows he's not helping anyone but himself with his "truthful" remarks...

Things look really bad for Aaron Hernandez. Something that should be obvious to anyone that's been paying attention. Matt Light doesn't need to tell us that. Jason Whitlock doesn't need to tell us that. And Michael J Fox doesn't need to tell us that. Unless of course he's coming from the future to tell us, in which case we should listen...

And while I understand it's the job of people like Whitlock and Fox to voice their opinions, much like I'm voicing mine, sweeping indictments on a "Patriot Way" that you obviously don't understand, or on how cable TV is the root of all evil are as short sighted as they are self serving. You want to prove your point, Whitlock? Then dedicate your life to studying those connections rather than studying the bottom of a bucket of extra crispy. And Fox? You want to say a "way" has changed? Fine. Then talk to me when you've had access to the locker room and interviewed all of the parties involved. Otherwise, find better shit to write about OR get off of my Interweb. You're ruining it for the rest of us...

Now pass those chicken scraps, you fat bastard...

That's it for me this week, friends. Hope you enjoy your 4th of July and whatnot. And I'll catch you next week...



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