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Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Hernandez, Doc & DON'T POKE THE BEAR-DROIA!!


Well, apparently the Clippers just couldn't help themselves from being the Clippers. But hey, I'm sure paying a record price for a coach merely because you were bullied by a star player that you don't even have under a long term contract will end up working out swimmingly for ya. I really do. And since you seem to be in the mood to make sound business decisions, I also have a few restaurant ideas I'd like to run by ya. Get this. A restaurant where they ONLY serve peanut butter and jelly sandwiches! I call it: PB & J's. OR how about a pizza place where you get to make your own pizza?! They're gold, Jerry. GOLD!

Yeah, so I'll finish up my thoughts on that. As well as get into this Aaron Hernandez situation and recap the penultimate season finale of the Maddest of Men. Probably take a parting shot at the Bruins, too. Because DON'T POKE THE BEAR GUY GUY LOOCH KID GUY GUY TUUKA KID!!! Yeah. Needless to say, I'm glad that's over. Even though it looks as if hockey could again become a Boston mainstay, and my local sports radio scene is permanently tainted for at least the next 5-10 years. Unless of course the improbable happens. The improbable in this case being a lockout, a strike, or the B's going all 'Clipper' on 'em and knee jerk firing their coach after a tough first round playoff loss. 'Clipper' in this case, being any organization that can't even get out of it's own way even after shooting themselves in the foot. But you already knew that...

You probably already knew that my last statement was laced with obvious sarcasm, too. But that shouldn't stop you from venturing further...


I've already verbalized my thoughts on Doc Rivers more times than I can count (long story short, he and virtually every other modern NBA coach is vastly overrated), so in lieu of rehashing all that, I'll just dive right in to the topic de jour here in the North East...

Aaron Hernandez. He's guilty, right? Guilty of least being "involved" in the murder of someone who was allegedly his friend and dating his girlfriend's sister. Right? I mean, I know Pro Football Talk's Mike Florio already has him convicted, and has gone out his way to label the Patriots foolish for handing him a bag full of cash in a very Aaron Sorkin-esque "I told you so" type of revisionist hindsight. But, here we are. A solid week after this murder took place, and it was only just this morning that he was actually taken into custody. Despite his arrest being classified as "imminent" since his involvement was announced. Now, I'm no "imminent" expert, but I'm gonna have to channel my inner Inigo Montoya on this one and tell you that "I don't think that word means what you think it means"...

And while I don't want to shift the focus from someone who appears to be up to their neck in a murder plot, to a bunch of like minded pencil pushing nerds. But this story has yet again ripped holes through the credibility of virtually every media outlet that's chosen to report on it. The industry's "one and done" approach to how they use sources is more damaging than the policy has ever been to NCAA basketball, and serves only to fill Twitter timelines and Facebook news feeds with entertainment that's slickly packaged to appear as "news", when it reality it's more or less just a knee jerk reaction to a constantly evolving event. So, yeah. While murder is obviously as bad as it gets in my book, wantonly misleading the public at large solely for financial gain isn't too far behind. My book is rather self righteous, as I'm sure you can imagine. It also doesn't look too highly on people that regularly need to open their car door when using the drive up ATM. You know who you are, too. You rat bastards...

Granted, the early returns certainly don't look good for Hernandez (the texts messages read in his arraignment were rather damming). Matter of fact, things look really bad considering he had to be arrested and couldn't even arrange his surrender. It's just that, per usual, I wish the media took a little more care in the way they were covering it. I mean, you're only dealing with people's lives and reputations, here. And besides, you'll have plenty of time to smear the dude's reputation once he's actually been convicted and/or kicked out of the league. Which if I had to guess, will probably sooner rather than later. And deservedly so, if half of what's reported by both police and the media turns out to be true...

Make no mistake, I'm not giving Hernandez anything even resembling a pass. If he's guilty (and it's looking worse and worse be the second), he deserves the worst punishment possible. It's just that I'm so desensitized to events like these that I tend to get more upset about the irresponsible coverage than I do the actual event. It's a sad commentary, I know. But i can't help that I live in a society where high profile murders are the norm. All I can do is try to hold people to a higher standard, hoping beyond hope that my words may somehow encourage someone to take more responsibility for their actions. It's a pipe dream, I know. But it's my pipe dream. And I'm gonna keep it alive until it kills me...

I'll have more on how this is affecting the Patriots in the coming weeks, but this is just a sad situation all around. And I don't foresee anything resembling a happy ending on the horizon...


As I tweeted out on Friday, Jon Lester looks due for a phantom DL stint. Either that, or you can go ahead and write him off for 2013. He's just too high in the zone on a consistent basis, and he's no longer throwing hard enough where he can make that work. Translation: He just doesn't "look right", and there's no evidence that he's coming out of it or turning any sort of corner (given up 4+ runs in 6 of last 7 starts). Combine that with Buchholz's penchant to find himself on the DL, and forgive me for not currently having the rosiest outlook. Even if they are still 2+ games clear of the O's and Yanks as we approach the All Star break...

There still a fun team to watch, though. With their league leading offense and the intriguing development of Jose Iglesias. And there's always the plus side that the GM isn't telling any rehabbing stars to "shut the f*ck up". Come to think of it, I haven't heard from Sox GM Ben Cherington in quite some time. And hopefully that remains the case until he's announcing a pivotal trade deadline acquisition. I'm thinking something in the starting pitching department... 


Mad Men finished up it's 6th and penultimate season, this past weekend. And while it may not have gone out with a typical "bang" or leave viewers with a mind gnawing cliffhanger, it certainly did enough to keep it's loyal legions interested heading in to what will be the last season of one of the greatest shows to ever grace the front of a TV set...

Will Don go crazy? (I hope so) Will he see the light, and become a more dedicated husband/father/employee than ever before? (I hope not) Will all that be merely a distant memory by the time we actually rejoin the folks at Sterling Cooper & Partners for the start of season 7? (Probably, all be it unfortunately) Point is, creator Matt Weiner seems to have left himself a lot of outs. Which sounds great, as it presents a lot of potential plot lines for his characters to explore. But it's also very reminiscent of The Sopranos, as many Mad Men episodes in season 6 tended to be. Which makes me fear that Weiner may ultimately choose to go the way of David Chase, leaving his legendary characters in limbo as he simply fades to black...

Whichever direction he chooses to go, I have faith that he will wrap up his masterpiece in an appropriate fashion. Unless he does the most predictable thing ever, which would be having Bob Benson end up running the agency in sort of Dick Whitman 2.0-full circle sort of situation. That's just too obvious. NO matte how many of my friends have proposed that as a possible ending. Yes, Teds. There is more than one of you... 


Speaking of HBO. I'd be remiss if I didn't express my deep sadness on the passing of legendary Sopranos actor, James Gandolfini. He was much more than Tony Soprano, but it was as the complicated New Jersey mob boss where he made his biggest mark. I encourage you to check out the rest of his catalog, even though I know you won't. But that's your loss...

He was a truly talented man, and for the hours of enjoyment he's brought me, I'll be forever grateful...

RIP


Serena Williams put her foot in her mouth, recently. As she made a lot of ignorant comments regarding the character of a high school rape victim. Specifically, she commented on how maybe the girl's revealing outfit may have helped contribute to her being sexually assaulted...

Riiiiight. Which means you deserve what, exactly, for wearing what appears to be one of Prince's cloth napkins sloppily tossed betwixt your crotch? I thought so. Serena's just lucky she didn't put that foot in her ass instead of her mouth. Would have probably lost it like that poor leopard apparently lost several of its young because she thought the leopard's litter was actually some sort of bean bag chair...

No, but seriously. Has anyone ever seen Serena Williams and Michael Turner in the same room at the same time? I didn't think so... #pot #kettle #junk #trunk #twomidgetswrestlingunderaleopardthrowrug #adultdiapers?

Not that there's anything wrong with having an ass that would make Sir Mixalot blush, mind you. It's just that if you choose to flaunt such goods, you might need to watch what you say in regards to what outfits might deserve to be staples in the Rape Collection. Ya know, because it might look a tad bit hypocritical if you then decide to dress like Mrs. T and go bouncing around the beach...


Remember Ed O'Bannon? He of the "Brothers O'Bannon", along with this older brother Charles, on those early 90s UCLA hoops teams? No? Well, whatever. That was a thing. And the thing Ed has going on now is going to likely make people forget that Charles was ever part of the equation. Sorry, Chuck. But you know this...

Ed, and 12 others, are suing the NCAA in an attempt to collect back profits and change future protocol in regards to using players' likenesses to sell video games. This is huge in terms of "pay for play", and any decision here will likely go a long way in changing the collegiate sports landscape. As the article I linked to points out, the NCAA has already suffered a blow in terms of credit rating at the hands of Moody's, and they haven't even lost the suit yet. A preemptive demotion that should speak volumes on both fronts. That they will likely lose, and that this could forever diminish their ability to rake in the cash without trickling some down to the players...

And while I'm hopeful that these deserving athletes will eventually be given some of what they've rightfully earned, I'm also wary that a drastic change like this could encourage colleges and universities to tighten their purse strings in an attempt to maintain profits. Something that might not effect places like UCLA or Syracuse, but that could eventually lead to a lot of smaller programs simply being eliminated all together... 

So, yeah. While it looks like a clear win/win, this decision will likely have a few negative far reaching consequences as well. And it's tough. Because those schools use that money to fund other programs. Often programs that are academic in nature. But, they're also greedy bastards that use a lot of that money to line their pockets and pimp out their booster suites. It's just very grey, which is probably why it's best that the most reasonable thing be done. The most reasonable thing in this case being to share profits with the people whose likenesses you used to slang your product...

Give 'em Hell, Ed. I was never a fan of those games where the obvious players had blatantly different names, anyway. Except that one game in like 2003 that had all those names that the announcer would actually say when the player scored. A first at the time. "Buster Frisby". Man, that kid could ball...


As for my shot at the Bruins on their way out the door? I've decided I won't even bother. Not like they're gonna end up reading this, anyway. You know, with their busy schedule of giving scoring updates on Facebook (because apparently people on Facebook have no other means of finding out the score) and trying to figure out if it's actually possible that the Red Sox are in first place. REALLY, KID GUY? I THAWT THEY SUCKED THIS YEAR? DIRRRTY WATTAH GUY! GONNA HAVE A DUCK PARADE AFTER ALL! CAN'T WAIT TO HIT THE FENS AND WATCH PETEY MAR HAND OUT ICE CERAM! ICE, GUY! IT'S A SIGN! DON'T POKE THE BEAR-DROIA!!! OHH SHIT! DON'T POKE THE BEAR-DROIA!! GONNA GET THAT ON A SHIRT, GUY AND WEAR IT ALL SUMMA!

Yeah, so there's that...

Speaking of Summa. Go out and enjoy yours, friends. And I'll catch you next week...


Teddy Williams...
100...

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