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Wednesday, May 29, 2013

The Kramerican Way...


You know when you have that great idea, whether it be for a movie or a business, and you consciously decide not to write it down, because you're sure it's so good that you won't forget it? Yeah, that sucks. Hasn't happened to me recently, or anything. But I was reflecting last night on all the the great ideas that have probably been hatched during a drunken rant or in those last moments before your head hits the pillow, and how those unrealized ideas may or may not have influenced the world we live in today. Nothing philosophical, or anything. Mostly flying cars or new bladder systems for oil tankers. But I just couldn't help but wonder about all of the things out there that "could have been". OK, fine. Truth is I went to sleep last night with a great idea for a can't miss game show, and now I've got nothin'. Though I'm pretty sure it was centered around embarrassing your relatives and somehow leaving with an outdated dishwasher or Green
Ray player...

"Heh. Green Ray. It's a funny Ray..."
Yeah, I've got a Green Ray guy. What of it? Got me a great deal, too. Says Green Ray is gonna be the jump off once it gets approved by the FDA. Yeah, apparently there are some nasty rumors that it causes blindness. Freakin' bureaucrats and their red tape. Always tryin' to keep a good businessman down. Oooooooo they say, "your trunk is not an office". OK whatever, professor. You just keep watchin' those shitty discs that aren't so realistic and bright that they can potentially rob you of your sight. Your call...

But, that'll all have to wait, for now. At least until I can get myself in the same mindset that helped me come up with the idea in the first place. Which will likely require some illicit substances, a tub of peanut butter, and a decent amount of shame. So, at least until I can get to the grocery store and snag myself some more peanut butter. In the meantime, I've got these other musings to keep you entertained. And if you still want that Green Ray player, I'm sure something can be arranged...

It'll be a scam involving me taking your money and you getting a box filled with broken speaker parts. But, like I said. It can still be arranged...

OK, now onto the business at hand. And by "business", I mean a bunch of one-line-ish opinions and/or comments on what I deem important. This week, apparently fat chicks in bikinis made that list. Right? All of a sudden that Green Ray deal isn't sounding so bad. Nah, fat chicks need bathing suits, too. OR do they? Oooo. Guess you'll have to read on to find out...

Enjoy...


I told you last week that the Red Sox were still pretty good, right? Despite their recent lackluster results? Well, they're back to playing pretty damn well right now, aren't they? And did you know that John Lackey has a 2.72 ERA and a 1.13 WHIP through nearly 40 innings pitched? Yeah, no fake. I mean, I know it's not nearly as interesting as the playoffs of a league that's locked out or on strike every other year and largely filled with poorly shaven Eurotrash. But I still think it's something rather interesting/impressive that's flying well under the common knowledge radar. Something likely due to his less than stellar looking 3-4 record, and the fact that he's a backwoods bastard that's needed a mask and a gun to collect his checks more or less since he arrived  in 2010...

Still, not too shabby. And bloaTed contract and/or lack of a fundamental understanding of the English language aside. I like to give credit where credit is due. So, there we have it. Gave some to Lackey for not sucking, and a little to myself for predicting things that more or less actually happened... #BOOM


Speaking of lacking a fundamental misunderstanding, what the F is going on over at Rutgers? OH, wait. That's right. Nothing that's not par for the course for more colleges, universities, politicians and Fortune 500 businesses than most people seem willing to admit. Call me jaded, pessimistic, or perhaps too much of an idealist. But I'm of the opinion that far too many people that gets to those positions of power, in those kinds of organizations, have far too much "salesman" in them to actually be effectively executing their intended duties. Not hating on salespeople, by any stretch.  But I think the attributes which make them fantastic at sales can be the same things that would make them less than ideal candidates to lead in situations where making money might not be the #1 objective...

And while I may have just cast that net a bit too wide in my generality, I think you see where I'm going. If the bottom line is ONLY money, then mistakes like these are going to be made all of the time. And seeing as there's no denying that the bottom line of the university system in this country is ALL about making money, especially when it comes to athletics, then you can expect stupid, rushed, and uninformed decisions like the hiring of Julie Hermann by Rutgers despite her blatantly shady background and highly questionable character, to continue happening on a regular basis. I mean, Hell. This is like the 3rd blunder for Rutgers in just the pas few months! And while I'd like to pretend their alone in their Jersey Teddishness, they're merely the idiots du jour in what seems to have become a constantly revolving door ..

It's like when you come to the realization that your doctor or dentist could easily have graduated at the bottom of their class.  Sure, you'd love to think that all doctors get straight A's, OR that anyone put in the position to hire an athletic director of a university would have the common sense to give the applicants resume a quick once over before handing them a job in which they'd be responsible for the well being of children. But that's just not how it works. Which is why you can get plastic surgery done in a strip mall, and why a woman with a track record littered with morally questionable acts would be not only be hired, but sought out to be put in a position that she obviously doesn't deserve...

And I know that looking at all of the accusations hurled against Hermann in hindsight can be dangerous. But at the very least, where was the discretion? Why is all of this news coming from the Newark Star Ledger instead of being volunteered by the university? Oh, right. Because either A) Their vet was so shitty that they never found any of this stuff out OR B) They knew all about it, but decided to ignore it and/or not tell anyone because they felt Hermann could help make their athletic department more profitable...

But, like I said off the top. Maybe I'm just too much of an idealist when it comes to this stuff. Call me crazy, but I just have to think that there's someone out there, with better qualifications, that actually wants to do these jobs in the way they were actually intended. Not saying they should ignore the financial part of their job. But they should remember that it is only "a part" of a job that, in this instance, that's largely focused on helping to mold and guide student athletes. I know, it's a dream world. But I've gotta dream about somethin' if I can't remember the game show ideas that were sure to make me rich. Right?

OK. Now that we've got that settled, let's move on to some more pleasant topics, shall we? I mean, that shit is Rutgers is hilarious, don't get me wrong. But obviously it's for all the wrong reasons...



Behind The Candelabra wasn't bad, but I can't argue with those that think it was merely made so that Michael Douglass and Matt Damon could make out with each other under the guise of "art". I mean, I haven't seen two dudes kiss on TV that much since blah blah blah Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom. Glad it did great numbers (2.4 million viewers) for HBO, though. Should only encourage big name directors to continue doing ambitious projects on HBO rather than feeling obligated to get them on the big screen...

Mostly because I'd rather watch a movie on my couch, and on a service I'm already paying for. But I'm just crazy like that...

This week's Mad Men would also fall in the "wasn't bad" category, too. Both Roger and Don seem to be melting down, and Joanie is beaching it up with...Bob Benson? Meh, whatever. Joan went to the beach and we never saw her in a bathing suit. FUCK THAT, WEINER! (no homo). oh, and I'm not fully convinced that Betty and Don reunion even actually happened! So there...

Oh, and speaking of women with incredibly large boobs going to the beach...


Yeah, apparently "Fatkinis" are not only a thing, but they're flying off the shelves. And while, as a big fan of self esteem, I think it's awesome that some people who might not have previously felt comfortable at the beach, can now go and let down their guard. I don't think this is going to do anything to help rid the beach of all the plus sized ladies that feel it necessary to stuff their bulging lady parts into the smallest bathing suit they can find. AKA Their "man" likes how it looks, so fuck you if you think it's inappropriate that you can't even see her bottoms with her tattooed gut hanging over them. Ooooo a little too close to home there, hood rats? Well, deal with it. Fat and proud is one thing, but fat and skanky is still just skanky. Now pick up the pieces of your Styrofoam cooler that are no littering the beach. Yeah, that's a piece right there in your kid's mouth...

So, bikinis for fat chicks? Yeah, I'm on board. But when all is said and done, it probably won't mean much for the beach going public at large. Ya know. Because of the hood rats...

Well, that's it for this week, friends. Hope you enjoyed what turned out to be a journey through the American way of life. You know, with the whole fat people and the entitlement and the whatnot. America, fuck yeah!

I'll catch you next week...


Teddy Williams...
100...

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