Wednesday, February 13, 2013

College Hoops Top 25 (2/13)

Valentine's Day. For many a single guy or gal (emotional ladies of Facebook, I'm mostly talking to you), just the simple words can bring a sadness to their heart. But not this serial bachelor. Now, would I like a busty piece of arm candy to follow me around to my various college basketball watching engagements and make sure I've always got a cold beer? Sure. But I don't let the presence of red boxes of chocolates and overpriced stuffed bears remind me of that fact on Valentine's Day any more than your average run of the mill Thursday...

And it's not because I'm some heartless bastard, either. It's because I'm distracted. Between rivalry week in college basketball, and what is rapidly becoming "Kate Upton Day" presented by Sports Illustrated, I've got more than enough on my plate to worry about squeezing on an extra heart shaped pastry or sketchy piece of meat. I mean, have you seen Kate Upton's spread in the latest Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue?? Damn. Just damn, folks. I mean, if you have a girlfriend or wife, I kinda feel bad for you when you flip through that gallery. I mean, sure. I'm delusional in thinking that I could ever land a busty vixen like that. But at least my delusions don't have to involve breaking up with someone and become the bane of their existence. Just sayin'...

So, yeah. Valentine's Day. Enjoy it, if you've got someone. Just be sure not to whip out the SI Swimsuit issue while doing so. And if you don't have at least a steady hook up that you could use a useless Christmas gift card to take to your local Applebee's, I've already given you plenty of reasons not to get you down. Namely two. College basketball and Boobs McGee, up there. And you can even post about those things on Facebook without coming off as a desperate basket case. Sounds like a win/win to me. And everybody LOVES a win/win. Get it? Valentine's? Love? Birds? Stones? Yeah, you got it. You're learned. About you're about to get learned on what the real College Hoops Top 25 should look like as rivalry week rolls on...


College Hoops Top 25

1. Miami (19-3) 6

Yup, I'm drinkin' The U-laid. They may have lost some disgusting games to open the season, but right now they're playing with more confidence and more cohesion than any other team in the country...

Oh, and you know they're good when they're getting talked about on Boston sports talk radio...even if it is only to make fun of The U's large contingent of bandwagon fans. Something to remember the next time BC even has a good team...

2. Indiana (21-3) 2

3. Michigan (21-4) 1

4. Gonzaga (23-2) 5

5. Michigan St. (21-4) 12

Their blowout of Michigan last night probably makes the Spartans look a little better than they actually are, but make no mistake. They're damn good. They're a lot bigger than most teams in the top 10, with Nix and Payne looking more polished by the game. And if Brendan Dawson can actually start getting to the basket on a regular basis, Tom Izzo's crew could easily find their way to the very top of these rankings...

6. Duke (21-2) 3

7. Syracuse (20-3) 14

James Southerland's return, having that 8th scholarship and rotation player in the mix. Makes all the difference. While I might not agree with Dan Dackich, who during a broadcast on Tuesday night suggested Southerland was one of the best zone defenders that Syracuse has ever had. I do agree that Southerland's return is the difference between Syracuse hoping to make the Sweet 16, and expecting to make at least the Elite 8...

Oh and a tip of the cap to the final Syracuse/UCONN game in our foreseeable future. The Huskies aren't eligible for the Big East tourney, and were shut out from joining the new ACC. So this is officially the end of what has been a very entertaining era. And while good times were had by all, I'd be lying if I didn't say I'm looking forward to seeing Syracuse battle with some teams whose fan bases aren't mostly made up of soccer dads and laptop thieves. Yeah, we played some great games. But I'll take Duke and UNC everyday, twice on Sunday and 3 times on Championship Saturday. OR does the ACC Tourney end on a Sunday? Whatever. Sorry UCONN (I'm not, really), but you won't be missed. And hellllloooooo Tobacco Road. Roll me up freshly harvested fatty, and let's fire that sucker up!... #cantwait

Oh and we're gonna need that building your "conference" holds it's title game in. You know, to create the greatest college basketball tournament this side of the Elite 8? Yeah, thanks...

8. Louisville (19-5) 9

9. Ohio St. (17-6) 8

10. Butler (20-4) 11

11. NC State (17-7) 10

12. Kansas (20-4) 4

13. Florida (20-3) 7

Florida and Kansas are two of the most talented and well coached teams in the country. FACT. The problem for the Jayhawks, is that they tend to have some trouble scoring. The problem with Florida, is that their defense doesn't always show up. Both teams improved on their weaknesses in their latest rivalry week wins, but I'll need to see more consistency before I feel comfortable moving them back into my Top 10...

14. Pittsburgh (20-5) 20 

15. Oklahoma St. (17-5) 23

Winners of 5 straight, including a road win over a sputtering Kansas, Travis Ford's Cowboys seem to be rounding into form at just the right time. Markel Brown, Le'Bryan Nash & Marcus Smart are combining for better than 45 points, 20 rebounds & 9 assists per game, yet nobody seems to notice. They'll start noticing soon enough. Trust me. OSU is athletic and they have capable ball handlers. If that's not a recipe for tournament success, I don't know what is...

16. Arizona (20-3) 13

17. San Diego St. (18-5) 18

18. New Mexico (20-4) 19

19. Georgetown (18-4) NR

The Hoyas head a group at the bottom of the rankings that more or less share the same attributes. They will regularly defend the SHIT out of you, but oftentimes they can struggle to score. These are the teams that you'll have to take a leap of faith with come tourney time. If they happen to find their collective strokes that week? They'll be tough to take out. If they don't? They'll be the teams scoring 35 points and earning themselves an embarrassing 1st round exit...

The Last Noel??? (I get it)
20. Wisconsin (17-7) NR

21. Minnesota (17-7) 17

22. Colorado St. (19-4) NR

23. VCU (19-5) NR

24. UNLV (18-6) NR

25. Creighton (20-5) 15

just missed: Virginia; Memphis; Belmont; Cincinnati; Missouri; Marquette; Baylor

dropped: (16) Kentucky; (21) Kansas St.; (22) Oregon; (24) Missouri; (25) Wichita St.

Twitter Picks: 49-31-4 (.607)

My gorgeous winning percentage has definitely taken a hit of late. And for that, I'm sorry. But to make up for it, here's some more Kate Upton! Or even better, Kate Upton and Brent Musberger's girl, Katherine Webb! Sure, they won't help put any of that money back in your pocket. But I'm guessing your pants will still be tighter for the experience. Gross, I know. But hey. Sometimes the truth is gross. Especially when it involves the actions of a flaccid man sword...

Enjoy your Valentine's Day, friends. And I'm sure I'll be talking to you sooner rather than later...

Teddy Williams...



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