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Friday, December 28, 2012

Week 17 Picks: Unsupervision Required...


Well, season's greetings again, my damies. I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas. I know I did. At least I was having a fantastic Christmas until it came to my attention that my new favorite TV show had been cancelled. Yep. Unsupervised, after only 3 measly season 2 episodes, has been shown the door. CBS is still basing it's lineup around a pair of fat cue card readers on the fast track to diabetes (Mike & Molly), and FOX and NBC are content to peddle out rehashed reality and talent shows. But no. There's no room in the TV universe for a sharp, well written program that actually makes you laugh without having to cue you to do so...

But, whatever. I'm used to my shit getting cancelled. And I get it. Unsupervised was a show that you actually had to pay attention to in order to appreciate and understand. And there's nothing the TV viewing public seems to hate more than shows that actually need to be watched in order to be understood. They want loud noises, obvious jokes and even more obvious plot lines. Which is cool. I wish great pain on them for their tastes having to continually be the reason so many shows I like get the boot. But it's cool. I just take solace in the fact that all the cue cards in the world won't help them laugh when they too are stricken with the fat person diabetes...

Now, speaking of fat bastards who are going to have miserable lives as aging adults. Let's pick some football games! And see if I can't continue a "holiday" run that's seen me go 24-7-1 over Thanksgiving and Christmas. IS New Year's a legit holiday? Guess we're about to find out...

And no, I don't know how I did on Halloween. Not checking, either. Pretty sure it would just ruin my beautiful stats. Besides, Halloween is for Teds. There, I said it. And fat people. They love Halloween because of all the candy. They don't mind being able to hide their faces, either. WATCH BETTER TV, YOU BASTARDS!...

OK, now I can seriously move on. Enjoy...

Friday, December 21, 2012

Week 16 Picks: For The Restivus...


OK, so now it's really Festivus. But since I used up my grievance allotment with last week's stance against those who will do nearly anything to fit in, I'm just going to use today's space to give you the picks that can hopefully start your holiday weekend on the right note. I'm also going to use it to share some quality Festivus underboob. "Have you seen the pole?" Yeah, they've seen the pole...

Enjoy, my friends. And a Merry Christmas to you all...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A Facebook Festivus


So, my fantasy team lost. And it quite dramatic and excruciating fashion, too. Which has me more than just a tiny bit bitter. Which is probably why I chose today to do an early celebration of Festivus. With the most important event of that sacred holiday being "the airing of grievances". And while I try to keep my focus in this Interweb space on sports, there's one problem I'm having with you people that I just can't keep under wraps. You might find what I say a tad bit insensitive, but don't worry. It'll be brief...

The school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, was a tragic and deeply saddening event. Fairly obvious statement, right? And I feel truly sorry for anyone and everyone involved. Another fairly standard script, right? OK, well if we can agree that those are the reactions of a normal person with some decently aligned priorities, then what's with need to shout it from the rooftops on every social network you can find?! Oh, that's right. So you can look sympathetic and compassionate to all of your "friends"...

Here's the thing. If social network every post supporting the people of Newtown came attached with a certification that you had just donated money to their cause. I'd have no problem. And if your anti-gun rant came equipped with a petition to sign for me to ban the use of all firearms? I'd have no problem. But no. These are people just spouting off, trying to act concerned, and then just moving on to the next tragedy that comes across the news wire. And why do they want to act concerned? Because it's cool! Yeah, because apparently Facebook has put us all right back in middle school again...

It's selfishness, pure and simple. And when your unnecessary selfishness is riding on the backs of a bunch of murdered children? Well, I don't think I should have to tell you that behavior such as that puts you right up there on my list of "worst types of people". I get it, you care. But if you don't care enough to really do anything, then what the Hell? Doesn't that more or less make you a fraud? "Oh yeah, I care. Until I actually have to move". And it's cool, you don't have to care. But if you do, my experience tells me that "caring" about something such as this is gonna more than a 1-2 week enterprise. And this story only has 2-3 more days. You know, with the end of the world coming and all. At least that will be the story to boot it from the headlines...

Sorry for the rant, friends. But in the spirit of Festivus, I just had to get that off my chest. Next time we chat, I'll be sure to "stick to sports". Because, I know if you really wanted to read a friend's political views, you'd head to Facebook...

Be good...

NFL Picks

Last Week: 8-9-0

Overall: 137-105-9 (.564)

Twitter Picks: 27-11-2 (.700)


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, December 14, 2012

Week 15 Picks: Go Bengal Yourself...


So, remember on Wednesday when I rubbed all your noses in the fact that I was still alive and thriving in the fantasy football playoffs? Well, today I'm feeling most of your pain. And I'm also ready to change "Bengal" from a term for an amount of Meth, to a verb describing a situation very much akin to a prison rape. As in, "Hey, Rooch sure is walking funny today..." "Shhhhhh. He got Bengaled, yo..." "Dammmmnnnnn"...

But it's cool. I've come back from worse. OK, maybe I haven't. But, screw you. You're team's garbage. And yes, I realize I'm not talking to anyone in particular. But, whatever. Somebody has to feel my wrath. I can't keep it inside my person. Then I'd probably end up clippin' some pedestrian with my car and thinking that somehow things had just evened out for me. I call it doin' "a Donte'". You know. As in Stallworth? Man, can that guy flee a scene. Flees it right into the end zone! OH!

Nah, but he killed a guy. Just like how I'm about to kill these picks! #toosoon

Enjoy...

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

#NHLOL


The holidays really are a fantastic time, aren't they? A truly wondrous time filled with top 5 ranked college basketball teams, world beating football teams and fantasy teams primed to pull in that sweet playoff casheesh. Oh, is that not how it is for everyone? Now that's unfortunate. But at least we can all join together in getting joy by laughing at the NHL. Whether they eventually come to an agreement and start to play games, or preferably NOT, those Teds have proven yet again that they're really only good at the following things: Screwing their fans, making me cackle at their incompetence, and doing irreparable damage to their sport...

And to you "loyal" fans? I say only this. You're suckers. Not insulting your intelligence. We can all be suckers. Now, you just need to choose whether you're going to stop being a sucker, or accept the fact that you're a glutton for punishment. Nobody will want to hear your bitching when the league has more labor strife, or 3 teams had to be shut down. Because that's just par for the course for those of us that aren't blinded by our love of the game. It would be like telling us that you were shocked that when you flipped a coin it came up heads instead of tails. Except in this instance, where it's a double sided Canadian coin being flipped by a greasy haired owner with a substantial financial interest in the flip's outcome...

Thankfully, they don't have the holidays in Canada. Or is that Thanksgiving? I can never remember. I do know they have "Boxing Day", which isn't about boxing at all. But that's about where my non-Bryan Adams related Canadian knowledge begins and ends. And I know they don't have college basketball, either. Which is what you should be watching right now whenever there isn't football...

So, yeah. Canada sucks. And if that wasn't the intended point of this rambling, then so be it...

Catch you Friday, friends. Will pick some winners together and continue to laugh at the less fortunate. Should be good times...  

NFL Picks

Last Week: 9-7-0

Overall: 129-96-9 (.571)

Twitter Picks: 27-10-2 (.718)


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, December 07, 2012

Week 14 Picks: Except The Weasel...


Greetings, my fellow degenerates. Did you get your betting week off to a good start by taking Denver and the points last night? You did?!? Well, congrats to you. You just bet against a trend that had seen the last 23 double digit home underdogs go 22-1 against the spread, and lived to tell the tale. Yeah. You're a lucky bastard. But hey, luck is great! It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. Wait, I think I said that wrong...

No matter. Here, I make my own luck. Mostly by setting myself as the center of some perverse universe in which the betting Gods are conspired against me, and working from there. But there are also some hard numbers involved there, too. And if a team happens to have a readily available photo of an attractive half nude female sporting their team gear? Yeah, that's probably not gonna hurt their chances, either...

Enjoy...

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Little Bob's Big Mistake...


Here's what we know: Jovan Belcher was a troubled man who did a terrible thing. Bob Costas is a tiny, well spoken man with impeccable credentials. And no one, no matter how experienced and articulate, should go out of their way to mix politics and sports. Bob Costas did just that in addressing the Belcher murder/suicide at halftime of the game on Sunday night, and I'll tell you why he should have left it alone. Actually, Bob will tell you why he should have left it alone...

Monday morning, fellow NBC colleague, Dan Patrick, invited Costas onto his popular radio/TV show. Likely in an attempt to let his friend and collaborator explain himself better than the 90 seconds at halftime allowed. Here, Bob would be able to explain that he wasn't trying to spout his views on gun control, that he didn't mean to quote noted reverse race baiter, Jason Whitlock, and more or less the whole series of events was a big misunderstanding. Problem is, Costas didn't back down. Sure, he used the word "mistake", but he otherwise continued to "stick his guns". At one point even misspeaking and using that inappropriate pun...

Nope. Instead, Bob merely admitted that perhaps he gave the audience "too much credit", and how the subject matter was likely over their heads or beyond their comprehension. And you know what? He's right! That doesn't make his statements any more appropriate, it only proves that he never should have opened his mouth on the topic in the first place. And that he knows it! They don't discuss Roe vs Wade on Dancing With the Stars (at least not to my knowledge), and they shouldn't be discussing gun control on Sunday Night Football! But, this is what happens when a group of people start to take themselves too seriously...

And that's where the irony comes in. Bob started his soliloquy by saying that people tend to use the phrase "puts things in perspective" too often and far too cavalierly in the aftermath of situations like Belcher's murder/suicide. Yet, by his even devoting 90 seconds to the topic on this type of platform, he was giving credence to that exact way of thinking. You're right, Bob. People use that phrase far too often and then allow themselves to slip right back into their apathetic way of thinking. You nailed that right on the head. But wagging your finger in disdain at a National TV audience is no way to effectively get that message across. And halftime of a football game is definitely not the venue for it, either...

If Costas wanted to talk gun control and it's impact on the public good? That's fine. He's well spoken, he's intelligent. I'm sure he would have a lot of insightful things to say. But that just wasn't the proper forum in which to broach that topic. Which got me thinking: In this day of instant info and even swifter reaction, are their even improper forums, anymore? That's where I'll give Costas a bit of a pass. In this day of 5 minute news cycles, NBC just wanted to get an opinion from one of their big guns on the air as soon as possible and to as many people as possible. Which is why, as Costas said and Patrick backed him up, the producers of the broadcast came to Costas just minutes before he was scheduled to fill that 90 seconds, and told him they wanted commentary on Belcher. Again, not excusing Costas, but even a pro like him is bound to make a mistake or two when given that little of a heads up. And that's what he did. He made a mistake. He's not likely to admit it, which is only going to make things worse. But I'm sure if he were put on the truth serum, or say we tied a car battery to his man parts, I'm guessing he'd eventually crack...

Lucky for him, he'll be able to benefit from that same 5 minute news cycle that led him down this sorted path. Lindsay Lohan will get arrested again, the politicians in Washington will continue to argue over the impending economic disaster, and the doomsday theorists will continue to warn us that the end of the world as we know it is mere weeks away. And like that, he'll be gone. Like a tiny Kaiser Soze...

...unless of course NBC tries to make him apologize on Sunday. A misstep there, and that tiny legend could lose his job. So tread carefully, Mr. Costas. You're a great asset to the sports entertainment community, and we'd hate to see you lost to something as trivial as this...


As for the rest of my sports universe, there's not much to report. Which is to say, there's far too much and I'm far too lazy. So allow me to summarize...

The Red Sox: I have no idea what they're doin', up there. But I'll wait for them to finish building before I make my final judgement. I will say this, though. They are giving a lot of money to a lot of questionable dudes. And none of those questionable Teds are even pitchers...

College Hoops: Been a good season, so far. Syracuse is lookin' good, Kentucky is sucking. I like it. I like it a lot. If I had to pick a #1 team right now (which thankfully I don't), it would probably be Duke. It's close between Duke and Indiana, but I'd give the nod to Duke probably based on the fact that I've seen them play more. Still early, though. I'm guessing I'll be rolling out my first set of rankings within the next few weeks, so keep an eye out. As for the games to watch? You've got the Interweb. You know where to find them...

Football: Pats are in the playoffs and playing the Texans on Monday Night. Which is great. My picks continue to keep me in the black. Also great. And since nobody cares about college football in the greater Boston area, it turns out I actually won't have to hear any Notre Dame talk over the next month+. Thanks, Pink Hats!..


NFL Picks

Last Week: 8-6-0

Overall: 120-89-9 (.571)

Twitter Picks: 26-10-2 (.711)

NCAA Picks

Last Week: 6-3-0

Overall: 90-56-3 (.614)


Hope you enjoyed, friends. And I'll catch you on Friday...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>