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Friday, September 28, 2012

NFL Week 4 Picks: Scabs Leave Scars...


Well, it seems the NFL decided to throw us a bone. The real refs are back in action, and the NFL season can continue on as planned. And while I'm grateful that Roger Goodell finally saw it in his wisdom to settle the deal with the locked out refs, I've also officially put the league and it's power structure on notice. Labor issues are one thing, but arrogance is another. Even in "letting" the regular referees come back to work, this whole situation has shown just what an arrogant bastard the NFL can be. And while it's perfectly fine to be arrogant once in a while, make a habit of it and you're sure to alienate all but the suckers and Teds. Case in point, the currently locked out NHL...

OK, NHL fans, maybe that was a low blow. But seriously. How can you support a league that at any given moment sees it fit to cancel entire seasons and lock out their players? Not to mention a league where everyone with two eyes can tell it's overextended, and where all the top players agree the dimensions of the playing surface aren't where they should be? Sorry, I know I've spewed this all before. It's just that these petty issues really piss me off. Especially when it becomes obvious that a league is no longer out to serve it's fans, but to make as much money as humanly possible. I know it's a business, and making money is great, but when it comes to the business of sport, these leagues need to stop making it their #1 priority. It should be #3. Right behind entertaining the fans and, in the case of individual teams, putting a winning product on the field. Nobody expects you to operate at a loss merely to meet goals # 1 & 2, but there's a happy medium there that most owners and leagues need to do a better job of trying to find. This situation with the NFL refs being the latest example of that lack of effort...

Yeah, that utopia oh which I speak has undoubtedly passed us by. It it ever existed at all. But I can still dream, can't I? And so can you. Dream about making back all that money I lost you last week, that is. Let's get down to picking winners. Because I'll be damned if I'm gonna be the only one not making some money out of this thing...

Enjoy...

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Intentional Grounding...


Is there anything more to say that hasn't already been said about the incompetence of the replacement refs? OR how about the blatant arrogance the "Goodell Castro" and the NFL have employed by refusing to even acknowledge that there's a real problem? No? Well, OK then. Makes my job this week rather simple. And as a man of my word, this will be the last time, barring a settlement, that you will hear me talk about the replacement refs and the reasons why they've been forced into action. Why? Because I don't feed negative hype machines. At least I don't go out of my way to feed negative hype machines. The NFL wants to piss on our heads and tell us it's raining? Fine. It's raining. I mean, what else can you say? Everyone knows that their refusal to pay the "real refs" is the reason why this inferior product is being put on the field. But if they want to treat us like idiots, fine. I for one, will act like one. And in acting like one, I will refuse to acknowledge that there is any sort of problem from this point forward. What? It sure looked like Golden Tate caught that ball to me...


I know, my indifference makes it sound like I've given up. But I haven't. I just know that my talking about the problem can only help feed the negative hype that the NFL seems more than happy to have created. So I just won't do it. Eventually, such indifference will cause me to stop respecting and watching the league all together, like I did with the NHL. But for now, it's just a strike against a league that may be showing us all that's it's risen to high too fast, and isn't fully prepared to deal with the pressures and responsibilities that come with being the most important sport in the country...

I will continue to pick games, though. Although after last week, I'm not sure you going to want to hear me talking about any of that, either. Even if I was able to bail myself out on Monday Night. Yeah, did you hear? Golden Tate made an amazing game winning catch in the end zone...

NFL Picks
Last Week: 9-9-0

Overall: 29-23-2 (.556)

Twitter Picks: 6-1-0

NCAA Picks
Last Week: 7-4-0

Overall: 18-15-0 (.545)


For more picks, check back on Friday. And for the Thursday night game, be sure to check Twitter. If you're still not on Twitter, not only are you missing my picks, but you're missing probably the funniest moments from the replacement ref fiasco. And even though I've said it many times before, it's worth saying again. At this point, if you're a real sports fan and you're not on Twitter, then the first half of that sentence probably isn't actually true...

Get your tweet on, friends. And I'll catch you Friday...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, September 21, 2012

NFL Week 3 Picks: Smokin' Jay & The Nigerian Nightmare


So, were you victimized last night by someone in your fantasy league that started Andre Brown or Ramses Barden? No? Well, neither was I. And while I may have volunteered that "no" for the vast majority, I'm sure there are still plenty of you out there that are damming your bad luck and could use a boost to you're suddenly bleak weekend outlook. Well, I'm here to abide. I may have told you the wrong Giants running back to draft for your fantasy squad (damn you, David Wilson), but there's nothing Tom Coughlin can do to prevent me from picking winners. At least not yet. So let's take advantage of that together, and add a 3rd straight winning weekend to what's already been an extremely profitable campaign...

Enjoy...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Let Them Smoke Cake...


I know it's only a matter of time before these rat bastards screw me in a way that's only legal in the hills of West Virginia, but I'm a fan of the NFL replacement refs. OK, that's probably not entirely accurate. But I am a fan of the on field chaos their presence has created. What was it that Steve Young said in his criticism of the NFL not being able to come to terms with the "regular" refs? Let them eat cake? Well, I love delicious cake. And truth be told, I love it when entertainment entities are exposed for the cold and calculating businesses that we all like to forget that they actually are...

It's a rather high and mighty position to take, I know, but I think it's my love of Quiz Show and it's message of profit over product integrity that allows me this odd sort of self satisfaction. Naturally, I'd rather the regular refs be out there doin' their thing like the rest of you, but a pulling aside of the proverbial curtain can be just as good. The NFL. A multi-billion dollar business. Is knowingly putting an inferior product on it's fields for what amounts to a few thousand dollars. It would be like me deciding that I didn't want to cave in to the high prices proposed by the toilet paper industry, and instead insisted on using the leaves I found in my yard. And then, trying to convince my house guests that the leaves were just as good, when they had the ravaged backsides and common sense to prove I was wrong...

And I'd be able to truly laugh all of this off, as I'm pretending to do, if there weren't such a current and ominous example of what this type of business practice can do to a professional sports league. Yep, I'm talking about the currently locked out NHL. An organization that has time and again shown that it's not a bad business practice to treat your fans like idiots, because they will ALWAYS continue to come back for more. Their fans are like addicts whom they know will come back to get their fix no matter how much you cut it, water it down and jack up the price. And while I'm not suggesting you boycott the NFL as I long ago chose to do with the NHL, I am suggesting that you count this as a strike in your theoretical "at bat" with the NFL. Take a "fool me once" approach, if you will. Because if you allow your drug dealer of choice to continue slipping baking soda into your stash, one day you're gonna realize you're just smoking cake mix. And nobody likes smoking cake mix. After all, delicious cake is meant to be eaten...


Friday, I'll have my picks for the weekend, so be sure to check in. I'll also have my picks for the Thursday night game on Twitter, which as indicated below are probably the picks you're really going to want to keep an eye on.  So be sure to sign up and follow...

NFL Picks
Last Week: 10-7-1

Season: 19-13-2 (.588)

Twitter Picks: 5-1-0

NCAA Picks
Last Week: 4-6-0

Season: 11-11-0 (.500)


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, September 14, 2012

NFL Week 2 Picks: RG-Double D


So, did you follow me on Twitter and get last night's picks? No? Well then you missed out on me suggesting you take the Packers (-5) and the UNDER (51). You also missed me passing on solid information as to why the NHL fans are that league's own biggest enemy and my cracking wise about Jon Hamm and Larry David at the Red Sox game. Yup, that twitter is a magical place. And at the risk of spoiling that magical playground, I still suggest you get on board...

Now, let's get back to regular Interweb for a minute or two, and get to the business of breaking down what should predictably be another fantastic weekend full of football action...

Oh, and as for the busty Redskins cheerleader? She's just a busty Redskins cheerleader. My gift to you. It also provided for my lazily appropriate title. Two birds with one stone, baby. Or, as the case may be. Two massive stones that are apparently struggling for air...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

"His momma call him Griffin, I'm a call him Griffin!"


Week 1 in the NFL has come and gone, and before week 2 gets going in just over 24 hours, I've got a few comments and observations on what we all took in over the weekend. Here are said comments in list form for your reading pleasure...


*Are the replacement refs noticeably worse than the regular refs? Yes. Does anyone really care? Nope. And they won't until one of those scab bastards personally costs them a fantasy football game. All refs make mistakes. Granted, these guys make a few more, but all that does is add another reason for fans like us to complain about "unfairness". Speaking for sports fans everywhere, "we love that shit". So carry on. And unlimited timeouts for everyone!...until you screw my team. At which point I will be out for blood...



*Robert Griffin III had the most impressive debut for a rookie QB since Cam Newton...last year. Either way, RG3, whose nickname prompted WEEI in Boston host, Michael Holley, to echo the famous line from Coming To America for which I've named this post, impressively announced his presence with authority and immediately had every analyst worth their mind altering bath salts asking this question: "Was Griffin a better pick than Andrew Luck?" The answer? It's easy. The answer is: Anyone asking those questions after just 1 game are about as smart as they likely are athletic and void of a high cholesterol count. It's one game, people. They're both still young, and they're both probably going to eventually be really good. After all: The children, they are our the future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way. SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!


*Coming away with the most impressive performances of the weekend were definitely the Patriots, Broncos, Ravens and 49ers. If I'm picking potential Super Bowl champs, right now. Those would be my first 4 picks. The Jets? Cowboys? Falcons? Texans? Bears? They all looked good, too. But I'll need to see more from them before I deem their week 1 performance anything more than just "one good week". That's something to keep in mind this week when placing your best, as well. Fact is, over the past 5 seasons only 27% of teams that saw their week 2 line increase after a surprising week 1 performance have gone on to cover that new spread. But that's betting. In real life, 4 teams mentioned off the top are the ones that clearly announced their presence as contenders on opening weekend. They'd be teams that, come December, I'd be shocked if we're not watching them battle it out for the top spots in their respective conferences. Especially Denver. I know some were waiting to see just how healthy Peyton Manning was, but I think now that he's had a chance to prove himself, the Broncos have immediately become the biggest threat the Patriots in the AFC and an immediate Super Bowl contender...  


*One thing that was blatant during the NFL's annual return to the airwaves was how much better some broadcast teams are than others. Especially the teams rolled out for prime time. The Chris Berman led crew for ESPN? Jon Gurden sans Ron Jaworski? They sound like bad video games. Yeah, we get it. You guys love everyone and enjoy using the most colorful language you have at your disposal. Fantastic. And I get that some of that is part of the job, but like so much of the sports landscape those guys have just become charicatures of what they're supposed to represent. It's to the point where I feel bad for guys like Mike Tirico. Especially Mike Tirico, actually. A pro's pro if there ever was one...

Eye candy is one thing, but what happened to the
women that know their shit?
The only  prime time team I can seem to stomach after week 1 is the NBC pairing of Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth. They get it. Like their opinions or not, they put on a professional broadcast where at no point do you have a brain fart and think you left your XBox running. Unfortunately for them, NBC's presentation of their broadcast nearly the polar opposite of their professional performances. Between Michelle Beadle being there for apparently no other reason than she's a blonde female, and their analysts looking like they were merely cast to cover every possible demographic, NBC seems more concerned with putting on a "show" where as many people as possible are entertained rather than effectively presenting a professional football game...


I suppose it's just another example of my continual beef with the "PinkHat-ization" of sports. A direct descendant of the "participation trophy". Remember those? Win or lose, you got a trophy or a ribbon just for showing up. That's what NBC and all of these prime time broadcasts are trying to do. They want everyone to feel good. They want to please as many people as possible, so they just water down product in order to put everyone on the same level. It's not what the real fans deserve, and since we all know they can still make advertising dollars hands over fist by simply targeting their main demographic, it just comes off as greedy...

I know I'm basically talking to a wall, as they're making too much money to even think they have to change their product. But I just want them to know that I'm on to their games, and that I won't be prominently presenting the "MNF PARTICIPANT" ribbon that I'm sure as we speak it's finding it's way to my mailbox...


And in closing, since I apologized on Friday for suggesting you draft David Wilson, I'm going to take credit now for suggesting you draft Julio Jones, Stevan Ridley, Alfred Morris and Joe Flacco. It ended up being a successful week across all fantasy platforms, as my draft picks and record below will suggest, and I've already shaken any feelings that this season might be falling under any sort of karmic cloud. That may change when Mike Shannahan decides to bench Morris in favor of some crack head he saw running from the cops on his way through DC, however. Which is why I'm seizing this opportunity, right now. Hopefully, my bragging and told-you-so-ing will become a weekly occurrence. But just in case the phrase "Damn, that dealer reminds me a young Clinton Portis!" is still yet to be uttered, I'll pat myself on the back now while I can...    

NFL Picks: 9-6-1 (.594)

NCAA Top 25 Picks: 7-5-0 (.583)


Check back Friday for my complete list of picks for the weekend, and keep an eye out tomorrow on Twitter (@RoochNation) for my Packers/Bears pick. I'm likely too lazy to do a post just for that game, so I'll have my pick there. Oh, and if you pride yourself on making informed picks and keeping up to snuff on the comings and goings of fantasy but your still NOT on Twitter. Then you really need to stop priding yourself on making informed picks and keeping up to snuff on the comings and goings of fantasy. OR just join Twitter. That way your pride won't take a hit, and you'll have yet another outlet in which you can enjoy my hilarious and informative musings. I know, it sounds to good to be true. But go ahead and sign up. I assure you, it's not...

Enjoy your week, friends...

Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, September 07, 2012

NFL Week 1 Picks: There's No Crying in Football!


Boy am I glad that I apologized in advance for whatever fantasy football agony I may cause you this season by listening to my advice. Otherwise, I'd have to use the first portion of this post to explain not only how the late round RB I suggested you snipe ended up in the doghouse after just his second career carry, but also how that same RB was then spotted literally crying on the sidelines after being benched...

Yeah, all of those things happened to Giants' running back, David Wilson, on Wednesday night, and I'm already feeling that my fantasy football woes might be destined to live on for another year. Feel free to call me paranoid, if you must, but when the guy you draft ends up crying on the sideline, I tend to look at that as a sign that at the very least, things aren't going to run as smoothly as I would have hoped...

Lucky for you, I've got another area of expertise that has yeah yet to tarnished by the Gods of sport, or whomever it is that's seen it as their duty to consistently throw a major wrench into my money making venture of choice. That area, is picking games. So take advantage while you can, friends. Because it's only a matter of time before whatever force is at play here discovers my last remaining gold mine goes to work. I'm thinking it's the work of the ghost of Lance Armstrong, but seeing as he's not dead yet, I'm also looking into other possibilities...

Either way, it's time to get to work. Football, my friends. It's finally here. Now let's make that money. Ya know, before the un-dead zombie ghost of a disgraced cyclist decides to destroy our world...

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

Weeeeeee!


FOOTBALL!

It's here, friends. And I know you're just as semi aroused as I am in anticipation of another fantastic season getting underway. So, as promised, here I am providing you with all the picks that are fit to pad your billfold. So toss out those expired condoms and remove those value club cards. It's time to satisfy that pack of Roalids rapidly developing below your belt, and get to work...

Let's pick some winners, shall we? Or at least have a good chuckle or two before we light our collective currency ablaze...


Dallas Cowboys (+3.5) @ New York Giants

I wrestled with this one for a while, only to eventually come to two rather rock solid conclusions. And no, neither of them are steeped in legitimate facts and numbers. You want those, just head to Vegas. Analyzing points for, points against, home record, away record. That' how they make the spreads. So feel free to spend your time running rampant trying to find a half point edge in numbers that have already been manipulated by big time bettors, or use guidelines like these from betting savants such as myself to steer you in the right direction. For this 2012-2013 season opener, those guidelines look a lot like this...

1) The Cowboys start fast, but can't finish

AND

2) The Giants limp out of the gate, but finish like a thoroughbred being whipped within an inch of it's life


I'm talking about seasons there, not individual games. So while I'm fully confident that the defending Super Bowl champs will prove over the long haul that they're the dominant squad, history tells me they won't be dominating this one. It's still a distinct possibility that they win, courtesy of a patented Tony Romo down the leg whiz job. But I'll take the insurance that lies in the 3.5 points and the historical trends. Even if those trends might only exist in the depths of my imagination...


Last Year: 174-116-6 (.598)

ALL TIME: 780-486-47 (.612)

Yep, there's my track record. I win just enough to actually beat the house. Impressive, I know. But there's no time to give me props. We've finally got some football to watch. And to a less pleasant extent, a QB to watch whiz down his leg...

Football, friends. It's here. Enough said. Good luck to you all in your football betting ventures, and make sure to check back every weekend as I try to guide your hand. You won't listen to me, and that's cool. But it'll still be fun. At the very least it should keep you off of Facebook for 5 freaking minutes...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>