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Friday, December 28, 2012

Week 17 Picks: Unsupervision Required...


Well, season's greetings again, my damies. I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas. I know I did. At least I was having a fantastic Christmas until it came to my attention that my new favorite TV show had been cancelled. Yep. Unsupervised, after only 3 measly season 2 episodes, has been shown the door. CBS is still basing it's lineup around a pair of fat cue card readers on the fast track to diabetes (Mike & Molly), and FOX and NBC are content to peddle out rehashed reality and talent shows. But no. There's no room in the TV universe for a sharp, well written program that actually makes you laugh without having to cue you to do so...

But, whatever. I'm used to my shit getting cancelled. And I get it. Unsupervised was a show that you actually had to pay attention to in order to appreciate and understand. And there's nothing the TV viewing public seems to hate more than shows that actually need to be watched in order to be understood. They want loud noises, obvious jokes and even more obvious plot lines. Which is cool. I wish great pain on them for their tastes having to continually be the reason so many shows I like get the boot. But it's cool. I just take solace in the fact that all the cue cards in the world won't help them laugh when they too are stricken with the fat person diabetes...

Now, speaking of fat bastards who are going to have miserable lives as aging adults. Let's pick some football games! And see if I can't continue a "holiday" run that's seen me go 24-7-1 over Thanksgiving and Christmas. IS New Year's a legit holiday? Guess we're about to find out...

And no, I don't know how I did on Halloween. Not checking, either. Pretty sure it would just ruin my beautiful stats. Besides, Halloween is for Teds. There, I said it. And fat people. They love Halloween because of all the candy. They don't mind being able to hide their faces, either. WATCH BETTER TV, YOU BASTARDS!...

OK, now I can seriously move on. Enjoy...

Week 17 Picks

Miami Dolphins (+10) @ New England Patriots (*pick switched to NE -10 after Indy win)

I wish I could tell you that this pick is representative of the fact that the Patriots might not have a lot to play for towards the end of the game on Sunday, but that's not what this is. This is representative of the fact that I think the Dolphins are playing "better football", making that 10 points just a tad too much to spot the more talented Pats. And make no mistake. The Patriots are the better team, and they'll win the game. But they haven't done anything over the past month to suggest that this will be much different than their 7 point win @ Miami on December 2nd...

Oh, and that's Miami QB, Ryan Tannehill's, wife. Just wanted to make sure you all still know she was smoking hot. Even if she is rocking that hideous color scheme...


Indianapolis Colts (+7.5) vs Houston Texans

In years past, I've been hesitant to ride a team that's on a mostly positive emotional roller coaster. This year, I've abandoned that strategy to great success. Namely with the Redskins and Robert Griffin III and the Colts with Chuck Pagano and Anderw Luck. I'm sticking with that strategy, this week, as Pagano makes his return from cancer treatment just in time to host the division champion Texans...

I'm also a fan of the Colts 6-1 home record, and the fact that they're 4-1 over their last five. Granted, that loss was of the 12 point variety to these very same Houston Texans. But that was a road game. I'm thinking things will be a little different this time around. Especially with the Colts insisting they intend to play all of their starters despite not having much on the line...



Washington Redskins (-3) vs Dallas Cowboys

"I bet the Cowboys are finally gonna come up big in a big spot and RGIII is going to choke!" Nobody


Minnesota Vikings (+3.5) vs Green Bay Packers

AP is a man on a mission, this much is clear. And with just 208 yards standing between him and the NFL single season rushing record, I'm thinkin' the Vikings are going to do their best to see that he has the chance to get it. I don't think much of Green Bay's chances of stopping him, either...


Philadelphia Eagles (+8.5) @ New York Giants

Wouldn't it be just like Andy Reid to grab a huge win on his way out the door...only to then be handed another contract extension? Yes, yes it would. That fat mustachioed bastard. He's the reason they cancelled Unsupervised! OK, maybe he's not. But he is an obese man who's been able to remain on TV despite being mediocre and stale. So he's definitely responsible for at least some of this...

And while I know New York still has a chance to make the playoffs, and that they've typically come up big in big games. But I'm just not buying it. Like I said last week before they got shat on by the Ravens: These are the Giants of years past that have lost, not the ones that have won 2 of the last 5 Super Bowls. That means they're not 8+ points better than pretty much anyone. Let alone a divisional foe...


As for the rest of the New Year's weekend slate, I only say this. Is Evan Longoria the luckiest bastard alive for getting to bang Jaime Edmondson, or what? I mean, just look at her! I just hope he doesn't ruin it by constantly telling her that he's a pro when it comes to 3rd base. You know, and then he gives her one of those "Right? Right? Get it? Because 3rd base is where I play, and it's also your vagina?" Yeah, Evan. She gets it. We ALL get it. Now stop spoiling the image of her in my head, and start paying homage to the underboob...


Buffalo Bills (-3) vs New York Jets

Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5) vs Baltimore Ravens

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3.5) @ Atlanta Falcons

Pittsburgh Steelers (-9.5) vs Cleveland Browns

Detroit Lions (+3) vs Chicago Bears

Tennessee Titans (-4) vs Jacksonville Jaguars

Kansas City Chiefs (+16.5) @ Denver Broncos

Carolina Panthers (+5) @ New Orleans Saints

San Diego Chargers (-9.5) vs Oakland Raiders

Arizona Cardinals (+16.5) @ San Francisco 49ers

Seattle Seahawks (-10.5) vs St. Louis Rams


Last Week: 12-4-0

Overall: 149-109-9 (.575)

Twitter Picks: 27-11-2 (.700)


That's it for me, friends. Now, I'm off to hopefully take in a screening of Django Unchained. Which means that in the New Year, I should have both a tasty movie review to pass on and the debut of my College Hoops Top 25. So, yeah. Let's go 2013! YEAH!

Happy New Year, friends. And I'll catch you in deuce one three. Yup. That's what I'm callin' it...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

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