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Friday, November 30, 2012

Week 13 Picks: Wait a Beard Second...


After last night's win, the Falcons are 11-1. Yet you probably couldn't find anyone north of Myrtle Beach that considers them a top 3 contender for the Super Bowl. Probably because they were out gained by 150 yards on offense at home, yet still managed a win against the league's worst defense. But no matter. They'll make the playoffs, take a dive in their first game after the bye, and then we'll all forget about them again until they're 7-1 next year. That being the case, let's get on to talking about some legitimate teams that we actually think can take this thing down. Oh, and the Jaguars. I'm gonna talk about the Jaguars for a second, too. And literally "a second". So don't let that dissuade you from venturing on..

So venture, my friends. And let's see if we can't get those pockets a little fuller for your Christmas shopping needs. And by "Chirstmas shopping", I obviously mean betting on other football games. Because there's no better gift than whatever you can find at Walgreen's because you blew all of your money betting on football. Scoff, if you must. But who doesn't like a thing of mixed nuts and a Burt's Bee's chapstick? BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!

Enjoy...

Week 13 Picks

New England Patriots (-7.5) @ Miami Dolphins

Two weeks ago, I figured out a fool proof betting strategy to deal with the Patriots. That week, I picked against my strategy, and lost. The next week, I went against my strategy again, and won. Moral of that story?   Non fact based strategies are for Teds. But we already knew this...

I like the Pats, even with this bulbous number, mostly due to the "hat & t-shirt" factor. A win here, coupled conveniently enough with a Miami loss, and the Patriots clinch the AFC East. Well, they more or less clinch it. I'm not 100% on the specifics. But I do know that they'll have 9 wins, and nobody else in the division will be able to get more than 9 wins. Which is good enough for me. That being the case, I'll take the Patriots to close this sucker out in relatively emphatic fashion...

Either that, or they'll fail to adequately close it out and give us all a heart attack as they fail to cover the spread. Your choice...


Jacksonville Jaguars (+6) @ Buffalo Bills

Here's the aforementioned Jaguars reference. They're playing well, and they have a guy on their team named Cecil Shorts III. Which is a way better "the III" name than Bob Griffin. And you know this...

Oh, and by the way. If Shorts doesn't happen to play this week after some rogue hamstring injury in practice yesterday, I still like the Jags. They might suck, but they're playing better of late. And nobody deserves to be spotted 6 points by the Bills. Except maybe the Chiefs...


Carolina Panthers (-2.5) @ Kansas City Chiefs

Oh, hey! The Chiefs. Sick segue, am I right?

This could be a trap with Carolina coming off the big win on the short week. But I'll take my chances with that skinny number. They're just the better team, and even on the road, I'll usually take my chances with the "better team" with a number this small...


Cincinnati Bengals (-1.5) @ San Diego Chargers

I've been shadily watching a lot of Bengals football, lately. And I'm tellin' you, this team is a lot better than their record (6-5) and their national attention may suggest. Reality is, they're probably the 4th best team in the AFC, right now, behind only New England, Denver and Houston. That being the case, I'll jump all over that tiny number and take them to hand the Chargers their 4th straight loss as they themselves cruise to their 4th straight win...

Not suggesting a blowout, I just like Cincy's chances. A lot...


As for the rest of slate, I could explain to you why I think a bunch of the underdogs this week are going to cover, but I'd rather spend that time suggesting you check out last night's It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia. That show has run really hot and cold for me the past few seasons, but last night was some vintage shit. So check that out the the YouTubes, or wherever it is you kids watch your Blu Man DVD tapes. You'll laugh a bunch. Which will be fun. Trust me...


Chicago Bears (-3) vs Seattle Seahawks

Indianapolis Colts (+4.5) @ Detroit Lions

Green Bay Packers (-7.5) vs Minnesota Vikings

Tennessee Titans (+6) vs Houston Texans

St. Louis Rams (+7) vs San Francisco 49ers

Arizona Cardinals (+4.5) @ New York Jets

Philadelphia Eagles (+10) @ Dallas Cowboys

Monday Night

Washington Redskins (+2.5) vs New York Giants

He's no C-Shorts #3, but he'll do. And while I do still think the Giants are in it for the long haul, I'll give the nod here to the team with the best player coming off the long week of prep. That's right. Bob Griffin. Best player on the field. Or at least the most impactful...



Last Week: 14-5-2

Overall: 112-83-9 (.571)

Twitter Picks: 25-10-2 (.703)


Figured I'd give the ladies of Georgia some love this week, as they haven't been well represented during their team's seemingly successful season. I still think their gonna get smoked by the Crimson Tide like a stale unfiltered Winston, but that's probably just all the more reason to give their groupies their due before their time on the National stage is up. Oh, I'm sorry. Did I say groupies? Because I meant nude tutors. And is it me, or is girl with the ass tat possibly holding the world's smallest bushel of grapes in her left hand? It is bushel, right? I think it is. You know what unit of measurement doesn't get used enough? 'Donkeypower'. 'Smoot', too. And let's not forget the 'beard second'. Yeah, they're all real (including a Twitter based unit of measure based on Wil Wheaton???). Learn 'em up, and use them in a sentence. It'll help broaden you're vocabulary. Here, I'll start. Georgia is gonna get smooted by Alabama...like a Winston that is past it's recommended beard second limit...

DONKEYPOWER!!

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(2) Alabama (-7) vs (3) Georgia

(7) Kansas St. (-11) vs (23) Texas

(17) UCLA (+8.5) vs (8) Stanford

TCU (+7.5) vs (12) Oklahoma

Georgia Tech (+14) vs (13) Florida St.

Wisconsin (+3.5) vs (12) Nebraska

(19) Northern Illinois (-6) @ (18) Kent St.

(24) Oklahoma St. (-4) @ Baylor

(25) Boise St. (-9) @ Nevada



Last Week: 7-5-0

Overall: 84-53-3 (.611)


Hope you enjoyed, friends. And good luck to you all. I'm sure we'll all speak again sometime real soon. OR not. Maybe you'll just ask me to play a Facebook game with you. Either way, I look forward to disappointing you. Be good...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

3 comments:

JLee said...

http://postimage.org/image/ko1lfls8n/

Brett Ferruccio said...

Nice. Very much looking forward to next season. Where I'm assuming Harrow will rise up like the BOSS that he is and claim the city for his own...or just continue to pine over his new chick. Either way...

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