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Friday, November 09, 2012

NFL Week 10 Picks: Prelude To A Dog Day Afternoon...


So, today was supposed to the start of a brand new season for Syracuse basketball. But then it rained. And that's the thing with outdoor basketball games. Sometimes it rains. And since this isn't the WNBA, they had to postpone the game. But it's all good, because now I'll actually be able to watch the game it in it's entirety. And seeing as it's all about me, anyway. I'd say that's a fantastic thing. Not so much for all the people who planned weekends out to San Diego that will now spend their free weekend attempting to trade their tickets for sex and coke. But they're not my problem. They're just my brothers in Orange arms. Just be careful not to lose any of those Orange arms in a shady back alley sex for ticket exchanges. Needless to say, those situations can get rather hairy. Possible puns everywhere...

OK. So now that we've covered the CraigsList scene in San Diego for the next few days, let's go about making some money the honest way. You know. By circumventing the United States' laws against gambling on sports each and every way we know how. I mean, it's what we do. So let's do it to it, Teds...


Week 10 Picks

New England Patriots (-11) vs Buffalo Bills

I like Bill Belichick and Tom Brady with 2 weeks to prepare. I like the fact that the Patriots beat the Bills 52-28 in Buffalo in week 4. I like the fact that Buffalo lost by more than 11 last week in Houston. I don't like the Patriots secondary, and the fact that crazy bastard, Aqib Talib, is still another week away. But that's just window dressing...

If the Pats weren't coming off the bye, and say this game were back in Buffalo. Then I'd consider taking the Bills and the points. But this marks the beginning of the final push for the Pats, and I expect them to come out with one of their stronger performances of the season to get that train movin'. That should be way too much for the over matched Bills, leading to a similar score to the aforementioned meeting in week 4...


Denver Broncos (-3.5) @ Carolina Panthers

You know which quarterback Cam Newton will never have to worry about being compared to? Based on the picture above, I'm guessing you can. Peyton Manning has the Broncos playing some of the best football in the league, right now. And while the Panthers are far from inept (and coming off their best game of the season), Denver should prove too much on both sides of the ball for 2-6 Carolina. People forget. Their defense is just as good as their offense. 10th against the run and 12th against the pass. That's no steel curtain, but combined with the league's 4th best passing game, it should be enough to get the job done more often than not...


Detroit Lions (-2) @ Minnesota Vikings

Two teams headed in opposite directions. Detroit's won 2 straight, Minnesota's lost 2 straight. And it's not even the results. It's easy to see when you watch them play, that one team is finding it's stride, while the other is struggling to stay on it's feet. Adrian Peterson is a great player, and he can keep you in games. But Christian Ponder is not good, and he can't win them for you. At least not yet. Matt Stafford can win games. And in the last few weeks, he's begun to actually do it. I'm expecting him to do it here, against a pass defense that isn't quite as strong as their top 10 tanking might suggest...


New Orleans Saints (+2.5) vs Atlanta Falcons

OK, here's your shocker. No only do I like the Saints to cover, but I like them to win. Divisional opponent, must win game, Atlanta isn't going undefeated blah blah blah. But yeah, those cliched reasons are why I'm taking the Saints. This is just a good spot for the Falcons to lose. And as someone who doesn't believe they're going to go undefeated (sorry, Roddy White), I'm thinkin' this is as good a spot as any...

Oh, and I always take the Saints over the Falcons in New Orleans in the weeks following a major storm. It's proven a sound strategy in the past. And hey, someone should be benefiting from all that suffering, right? Might as well be me...


Houston Texans (+1.5) @ Chicago Bears

The Bears defense has been rather ridiculous of late. I mean, they alone are winning people fantasy leagues. It's just sick. Almost as sick as Smokin' Jay Cutler is going to look when the Texans defense locks down Brandon Marshall. OK, it probably won't be as easy as Wade Phillips made it sound. But that'll be the strategy. And while it may prove even easier for the Bears to shut down a less than electric Andre Johnson, I'd rather take my chances with the Texans supporting crew than I would the secondary players in Chicago...

Also, taking Houston in this spot just follows a general strategy that has shown my some success. When there are two elite defenses, and two mediocre offenses, always take the team that's getting the points. Hey, it's only 1. But whatever. It's not every week you get a point when betting on a 7-1 team that's 3-0 this year on the road. I'll take it...  

Monday Night

Pittsburgh Steelers (-12.5) vs Kansas City Chiefs

It's the Todd Haley Bowl, as the former embattled Chiefs coach will guide the Pittsburgh offense in what should be a Monday Night Beatdown. As long as that crazy bastard doesn't try to get too cute in trying to stick it to his former team. I could see that. First play of the game, Jerricho Cotchery throws a pass to Big Ben, and somehow Kordell Stewart gets involved? Yeah, he's crazy. But as long as he takes his meds, we should be fine...
As for the rest of the slate, I hope you like upsets. Or at least underdogs covering the spread. Lots of dogs, this week. More dogs than...hmmm...OK. How about, more dogs than a dumpster behind a dog track? What? Too insensitive? OK. What about, more dogs than a grill at a southeast Asian cookout? Whatever. You can pick which one you like. OR, by all means, come up with one of your own. And try to throw a Meth reference in there, if you can. Those are always my favorites...

Oh, and before the uproar. Killing dogs isn't funny at all. But jokes are funny. My previous statements focus on the latter...


Cincinnati Bengals (+4) vs New York Giants

Miami Dolphins (-6) vs Tennessee Titans

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3) vs San Diego Chargers

Oakland Raiders (+7.5) @ Baltimore Ravens

New York Jets (+6) @ Seattle Seahawks

Dallas Cowboys (-1.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles

St. Louis Rams (+11.5) @ San Francisco 49ers


Last Week: 9-5-0

Overall: 81-68-6 (.542)

Twitter Picks: 16-8-1 (.660)


Nothing says SEC football quite like a Texas A&M tat on a nearly bare ass that could also double as a place to hold your beverage. Am I right? Yeah, I'm right. I'm not sure what that other lettering on there is, but I'm going to go ahead and assume its some sort of "hooker-ese" riddle. Something like, "pay me money, and I'll let you enter my college station". Get it? Yeah, you get it. Unless you didn't know that College Station is the city where Texas A&M is located. In which case you thought I was just talking about intercourse. Which I was. So I guess you got it all along. You crafty bastards...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(15) Texas A&M (+15) @ (1) Alabama

(3) Kansas St. (-7) @ TCU

(9) LSU (-14) vs (22) Mississippi St.

(11) Louisville (-2.5) @ Syracuse

Arkansas (+14) @ (12) South Carolina

(13) Oregon St. (+4.5) @ (16) Stanford

Baylor (+21.5) @ (14) Oklahoma

(18) Nebraska (-7) vs Penn St.

(19) Texas (-10) vs Iowa St.

(21) USC (-9) vs Arizona St.

(24) Northwestern (+9.5) @ Michigan


Last Week: 8-5-1

Overall: 59-39-3 (.599)


That's it for me, friends. Enjoy that juicy ass, and have a nice weekend. I'll catch you next week...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

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I think our dogs are some sort of twins from another litter haha. That first picture is great by the way!

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