Friday, October 12, 2012

NFL Week 6 Picks: Wicked Ahhhtistic...

I know I already said it last week, but it's worth repeating. If you're not watching the MLB playoffs, it's likely that your missing out on one of the most exciting post season's of our time. In any sport. OK, I didn't say exactly that, last week, because the 4 Division Series' hadn't all gone the full 5 games yet (only 2% chance of that happening, by the way. So don't expect it again). But I did encourage you to give the prelude to the Fall Classic a look before deciding which dead beat running back to add to your sputtering fantasy squad. If you took my advice, good for you. If not, and you decide to watch now, I take no responsibility for the three 4 game sweeps that will end this thing after I've built the hype up to such mammoth proportions. Sorry, but you already missed it. Hope William Powell and Alex Green were worth it. Here's a hint, they weren't...

As for sports the majority of you will be watching, I've got that taken care of, too. Yup. I may sometimes hate, but I also appreciate. Appreciate you, for the wannabe gambling degenerates that you are, and do by best to give yo you're weekly hit off of the magical rock pipe known as football. So get your fix. You'll feel better, I'll feel better, some bookies will make some money. Everybody wins! OK, maybe just the bookies win. And seeing as they likely use their profits to buy drugs which in turn sponsor terrorism, we probably all lose. But there's no reason to think about all that, right now. Save the terror funding bookies for tomorrow. Today, we're picking winners...

...actually. You'll probably just want to save all that worrying until Tuesday. There's no football on Tuesdays...


Week 6 Picks

New England Patriots (-3.5) @ Seattle Seahawks

What are rules there for if they're not meant to be broken, right? My thoughts exactly. That's why I'm going against my extremely profitable "always take the Seahawks as home underdogs" strategy, and taking the Pats. And no, it's not because I'm a Patriots fan...

Nope, I'm picking Tommy B and the boys to topple Petey C and the "12th Man" because I give the Patriots a serious edge in the passing game. Both teams like to run, but both defenses excel at stopping the run. So if it's going to come down to the passing game, I give the edge to the Patriots all day long over rookie Russell Wilson and the Seahawks...

I know Seattle is probably the toughest place to play in the NFL, but that's already being reflected in the closeness of the spread. Take the Pats. At worst, it means we'll all be able to curse Pete Carroll together. And I'll take that as the losing end of a proposition all day long...

Atlanta Falcons (-9) vs Oakland Raiders

I still don't think the Falcons are the best team in football, but I'm pretty sure that the Raiders suck. It worries  me a bit that Atlanta is so susceptible to the run, something that allows lesser teams to hang around much longer than they normally should. But there's an overwhelming talent disparity here, one that the Falcons should take full advantage of while covering this hefty number...

Indianapolis Colts (+3.5) @ New York Jets

Did you pick the Colts to win last week like I told you they would? Good for you. Now take them again this week as they travel East to face the Jets. It's a short week for New York, and they're a mess. I'd pretty much take anyone against them, right now. Especially when that team is getting points and beginning to build some momentum...

Arizona Cardinals (-5) vs Buffalo Bills

Giving anyone an extra few days to prepare for the Bills probably isn't fair, but that's what the Cardinals got after losing last Thursday @ St. Louis. Their defense should give Ryan Fitzpatrick and the Bills offense plenty of problems, and as long as Arizona can show some semblance of an offense, covering this spread shouldn't be a problem. It is mildly concerning that the Cardinals have so many injuries in their backfield, but everyone runs on the Bills. Yeah, remember that killer new defense they allegedly put together? Yeah, apparently not so much...

New York Giants (+6) @ San Francisco 49ers

Struggled with this line for a while, and while I ultimately think they 49ers are the better team, that number is just too juicy to pass up with a comeback artist like Eli Manning. I know I just used the words "Eli Manning" and "artist" in the same sentence, and I'm not proud of it. But he's shown time and time again that he can move his team down the field with the best of 'em when the Giants' backs are against the wall. As they would say in New England, "He's wicked ahhhhtistic!"...


Nope, that's right...

Houston Texans (-3.5) vs Green Bay Packers

Super Bowl preview? OK, Green Bay is 2-3 and the Texans are just pretending they're good until they inevitably suffer enough major injuries to derail their season. Something they got a jump on last week with the loss of linebacker Brian Cushing. But it's fun to pretend, right? Yeah, you're right. It's not...

Look for Houston to run the ball down Green Bay's throat while Rodgers and Co try to keep up through the air. They should be able to, for a while. But talent tends to win out in these things, and Houston is the much more talented team in all facets of the game...

Monday Night

San Diego Chargers (-1.5) vs Denver Broncos

Before the season began, you wouldn't have been able to convince me that I'd be picking San Diego in this spot. But they're proven shadily capable, while the Broncos have proven that...well, that they aren't quite the new and improved version of the Peyton Manning Colts that I thought they'd ultimately be...

I'm not in love with this game, either way. So if you don't have to pick it just stay away. But if you do have to solidify a position, I'd just ride the home team. Weak analysis, I know. But anyone telling you they know a definitive side to take in a 1.5 point game is either a fan of that given team, or they're on a strict diet of scotch and Meth. There, I said it...

Looking at the rest of the slate, I'm picking the Browns until they freaking win and I'm definitely going against Brady Quinn on the road. Brady Quinn sucks. And he apparently doesn't have a MySpace page, either. Except he does. And you should click on that link, too. First time I was on MySpace in years. Looks a lot less like an Internet strip mall than it did the last time I was on there. Still, they got Zucker-fucked. I'm sure promoting Tila Tequila as one of their stars wasn't the best move, either. That's far too many eggs to be placing in a such a small and no doubt disease ridden basket...

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (-3.5) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Cleveland Browns (+1) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Miami Dolphins (-3.5) vs St. Louis Rams

Philadelphia Eagles (-4) vs Detroit Lions

Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) vs Dallas Cowboys

Last Week: 8-9-0

Overall: 50-39-3 (.560)

Twitter Picks: 10-5-0 (.667)

Steve Spurrier. "The Old Ball Coach". "OBC", to his closest friends. Is this the year he can finally deliver that long awaited National Championship to the folks in South Carolina? Hell, I have no idea. But that's a great freakin' shirt. More teams need mascots/nicknames that can double as sexually explicit and printed up onto tiny t-shirts for the women folk. I can't think of a good one, right now. But I'm pretty sure you get the picture. Basically if your idea results in a shirt that you wouldn't be able to wear to a family outing north of the Mason/Dixon Line, you're headed in the right direction...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(3) South Carolina (+3) @ (9) LSU

(5) West Virginia (-3.5) @ Texas Tech

Iowa St. (+6.5) vs (6) Kansas St.

(7) Notre Dame (-7) vs (17) Stanford

(10) Oregon St. (-6) @ BYU

Washington (+12.5) vs (11) USC

(13) Oklahoma (-3) vs (15) Texas

(18) Louisville (-3) @ Pittsburgh

(23) Louisiana Tech (+7.5) vs (22) Texas A&M

(24) Boise St. (-7) vs Fresno St.

Last Week: 7-6-1

Overall: 28-25-1 (.523)

That's it for me, friends. But before I go, I'd like to welcome a new addition to the Rooch Nation team. Happy Jack's Sports Bar & Grill in New Windsor, NY. And while it might seem like a random connection, being a sports bar in Orange County, New York, a good friend of mine is overseeing operations there and has deemed it in his wisdom to provide his website's viewers with a full stream of all things Rooch Nation. The website is still in development, but soon enough, the good people of "not quite upstate" will be getting the same dose of madness that so many of you are exposed to on a far more regular basis than you probably feel is necessary. That's right, friends. I'm spreading my wings. Soon enough, I'll be the one that's doing all the Zucker-fucking. Hahahaha. Bahhh-hahaha. Muahahahaha...

OK, probably not. Good luck this weekend, friends. And I'll catch you on the flipman...

Teddy Williams...



Anonymous said...

So your gonna lay money on one spread what are you taking? I liked the Giants and Denver. Suprised to see you take Chargers.

Brett Ferruccio said...

One game? Patriots, Giants, Cardinals, Bucs. In that order. I also liked the Steelers and the UNDER last night...

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