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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Welcome to the Boob Tube


Big boobs. Most women will tell you (to the shock and disappointment of most men) that they're more trouble than they're worth. Blasphemous, right? Well, after a week in sports that was full of boobs, I think I finally see their point. Yep, that's the theme of this week's news and notes. Boobs. There are a lot of big ones out there, and I feel it's finally time they all got the full exposure that they deserve. So read on, and enjoy....

OK, so I may have pulled a little bit of misdirection on ya. Used a little word play, if you will. Because outside of the "pressing" question as to whether or not Erin Andrews updated her mammary collection in preparation for her next career adventure, all of the "boobs" in this week's post refer to the myriad of morons that seem to be dominating the sports landscape. So I'm sorry if I deceived, but I'll try to make it up to you at the end by giving you at least one gratuitous shot of Kate Upton in one of her already legendary bikinis. Yep, that's just the type of guy I am...

First, we have the A cup of the week. Which belongs to the media covering the Jerry Sandusky trial. Seriously, folks. Do we really need play by play, detailed coverage of what Sandusky allegedly did to each one of his victims? I think we all know what what the guy has been charged with, and I think we're all unfortunately familiar with what "child molestation" generally entails. Is there really a need for it to be reported in a detailed manner every time a new accuser takes the stand? I'm all for these victims getting any justice they deserve and I'm definitely for the transparency of the legal system, but at some point details really stop being necessary. He was seen in the shower with young boys doing inappropriate things. Done and done. That's all I really need to know. Leave the rest for the judge and the jury. Anything more than that, and it just becomes obvious that you're trying to use sensationalism to sell your newspaper. And then who's the real creep? OK, it's still Sandusky, but you get my point...



Now, I'm not saying I want to be shielded from it, and not reminded that it's there, I just think there's an appropriate way to report on all this. One that doesn't involve a rundown of which soap Sandusky preferred and what the look on his face was while he was "bathing with the boys". It's just all too much. Like in a recent Family Guy, where without oversight, tampon and maxi pad companies stopped using the "blue liquid" in their commercials and instead opted to go with the "real thing". We all know what's happening, so enough already with all the gory details. Like I said, if it were really being done in the name of diligent journalism, I'd let it slide, but the fact that it's obvious most media outlets are using it to capitalize on the sensational aspects of it are are us what prompts me to label the Sandusky media as the first boob of the week...

Maybe Bill B is more of an ass man...
Next, we skip over the perky B cup and right to the full C (just like Erin apparently did). Because that's how big these next boobs are...

And they're the local weekend yappers on Boston sports talk radio. Now, I won't name names, mostly because I can't recall with any legitimate accuracy, but I heard this argument posed by hosts on both major Boston stations this weekend. And remember that. They posed the question. The professional broadcasters, not the often uninformed callers. The question tossed out there was this:

Who is the better coach? Doc Rivers OR Bill Belichick?

Right. A guy who was handed a roster of All Stars in a sport where the team with the most All Stars always wins, or a guy who built his team as the GM and often won when labeled the sizable underdog? Yeah, that's a really tough call. Good thing there weren't any other topics that could have been discussed that day. Not like, say, who would you rather start your baseball team with, Mike Trout or Bryce Harper? Oh, that's right. This is Boston. We're not allowed to talk about teams in other cities at all, lest we get distracted from making plans for the next duck boat parade...

Obviously for me, it's a 2 minute discussion and it goes mostly like this. Giving Doc Rivers a lot of credit is like giving the rooster credit for the rising of the sun, while giving Bill Belichick credit is like giving an architect credit for the building of a house. Hey, I get it. People like the NBA and I don't, but even fans of the sport usually admit that more than any other, NBA teams mostly win and lose based on the talent of their players. Winning teams in all sports need talented players, but in the NBA it seems like it's the most vital factor to success. It's how guys like Doc Rivers can go from Coach of the Year, to fired and maligned, to Hall of Fame fast track in a little under a decade...

So yeah, I'm all for filling airtime and mourning the Celtics loss in the Eastern Conference Finals, but use a little more creativity, fellas. Otherwise you just end up soundin' like, well, a couple of boobs. And I'll watch boobs idiotically bounce around on my television, but I'm not trying to listen to them on my radio. Unless it's Howard Stern...or possibly Dingo and the Baby. Otherwise, no sale...


And the DD cup of the week belongs to the world of "professional" boxing. And I'm not even writing that because I'm of the opinion that the judge's erred this weekend in judging the title bout between Pacquiao and Bradley. Hell, I didn't watch the fight, I don't know. And I barely know the ins and outs of boxing scoring as is. I just know the reaction from the boxing community has been just as embarrassing as the alleged results...

And I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that judges all around the sport can't seem to agree on the outcome, or that Nevada Senator & Senate Majority Leader, Harry Reid thinks the government needs to step in and investigate. Right, Harry. That's exactly what our government needs to be doing right now. Investigating a sport that awards prizes based on the opinions of 3 people that watch men hit each other with padded gloves. Yeah, should totally be at the top of your priority list. Just like the radio guys, if you can't find a better thing to do with your time, then we've already got a much bigger problem than the crap that's cascading out of your mouth. We're now just flat out frightened that you've been put in a position of any sort of authority...

I must say, though. Any boxing fan disappointed by the seemingly inauthentic results of a match is much like an NBA fan that's upset when the refs blow a game. For better or worse, that's how those sports operate. And it's probably part of the reason you find yourself a fan. Hey, guilty pleasures. I'm all for 'em..

So yeah, Harry Reid. Huge boob. Like, Jennifer Tilly thinks he should get a reduction huge. Oh, and speaking of Tilly and gambling in Nevada, the World Series of Poker started up this month, and there's already been a lot of noteworthy action. Phil Helmuth has grabbed record setting bracelet #12; Phil Ivey made his return after last year's boycott and already has several cashes and a 2nd place finish; and the buzz around the tournament remains the One Drop $1 million dollar buy in tournament that's set to take place later on in the Summer. Check out PokerNews for all the pertinent info and to follow all ongoing tournaments...

Nothin' like a little Fenway boob...
Didn't get a chance to touch on the Sox last week, and while I don't really have any new thoughts to pass on, I figured I'd be remiss if I didn't give them a mention...

Despite their struggles, I've been enjoying watching this team play this season if only for the day to day drama that seems to surround it. They play in exciting games, for the most part, and there's no shortage of topics to discuss with the team's roster in so much turmoil. Kind of why I marveled at the need for "Rivers V Belichick". But just because I'm entertained, doesn't mean I'm any more encouraged about the team's potential results. As the Washington Nationals showed this past weekend when they stormed through Fenway, there are teams with top end pitching, and there are teams without. The Red Sox, are a team without. And unless that changes, and there haven't been any reasons to think that this season it will, then there's no reason to think that this team has any realistic expectation for success. IT would make a run all that much more improbable, though. And I'll be damned if that wouldn't be sticking with this season's theme of unexpected entertainment...

As for the NBA Finals, I tried to watch the Western Conference Finals, but I couldn't do it. So I see no reason to believe I'll be watching any of the NBA Finals, either. Sorry. So instead of any analysis I would have provided, I leave you with the aforementioned gratuitous bikini shot of the lovely Ms. Kate Upton. Who just turned 20 on Sunday, by the way. So Happy belated Birthday, Kate, and thanks for providing us with the boobs that I think we can all agree are worth our time...


Wow, all of those scantily clad women, and I didn't even get to talk about Tiger Woods and this week's US Open. What a seemingly wasted opportunity. Oh well, hopefully he'll give me a reason to mention him next week. Means I'll have to probably search Google Images for a picture of Kate Upton playing golf, but needless to say that's something I'm more than willing to do/have already begun doing it on my phone as I'm finishing this sentence...

Have a good week, friends...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

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