Friday, January 13, 2012

Playoff Picks With Pulp: A Big Weekend for Giants & Atheists

According to a recent poll, presumably done outside a church, prison, or GOP primary polling station, 43% of Americans believe that Tim Tebow's success is due in part to "divine intervention". Yup, better than 2 in 5 of your fellow countrymen believe that God himself (or possibly Jesus, I'm not sure how all that works) helps the Broncos quarterback win games. What do I think about divine intervention? Well as an Agnostic, I'm sure you could probably guess my views, but instead of me telling you, I'll let John Travolta have at it. I'm pretty much right with him up to and including the part when he shoots Marvin in the face. After that, shit gets a little dicey...

So yeah, divine intervention. Not something I believe in. I don't think God turned Coke into Pepsi, and I don't think he helps Tim Tebow win ballgames. But for those that do, I'm more than open to sharing your company. I mean, just look at Vincent (white) and Jules (black). They're buddies, right? So there's no reason why we can't all be friends, too. Now let's go have a Royale with cheese and figure out these playoff picks before some future tranny pops out of the bathroom with a God damn hand cannon...


Divisional Picks

New England Patriots (-13.5) vs Denver Broncos

They met about a month ago in Denver, when Tebow was at the then peak of his powers, and even with a dinged up O-Line, the Pats walked out of there with an 18 point win. Has anything really changed in the last month? Sure, I guess you could say that after last week's directive from John Elway, Tebow is looking to go deep a little more often, but other than that, the Broncos appear to be the same team. The Patriots? They're more or less the same team they were when they rolled in and out of Denver about a month ago, too, with two exceptions. They've had an extra week of rest, and their future Hall of Fame QB and coach have spent an entire week undoubtedly getting fueled by the nonstop Tebow talk...

That's how I'm judging this game. The old Patriots, of the earlier part of last decade, would take even the most minor of slights and turn it into a reason to rally and play with that extra chip on their shoulder. Rodney Harrison was one of the best ever at doing that. And gimmicky or not, it always seemed to work. They'd create extra motivation where it didn't necessarily exist, and they'd go out and kick someone's ass. This week, due to all the attention given to Tebow, I think it actually does exist, which is why I fully expect the Pats (esepecially Brady) to come out and do more or less the same thing the did a month ago. Beat the Broncos, and beat them by more than 14. Show the league that they're not just a team built for the regular season, but a team built to make a deep run into the playoffs...

So while a lot of people are just looking for a win after losing the last 2 playoff home games, I'm looking for a blowout. That, and that alone will tell me that this Patriots team has a legitimate shot at playing for the Super Bowl. And as long as God doesn't step in and break Tom's right arm with 3:16 to go in the 1st quarter, on a 3rd and 16 from the 31 and 6 inch line, I really like the chances of that happening...

Patriots 38 Broncos 16

San Francisco 49ers (+3.5) vs New Orleans Saints

The Saints are rolling, and the betting metrics will even tell you that Drew Brees and Co. aren't even that bad outside on grass. Still, between the week of rest and preparation and the home field advantage, I have trouble not taking the 49ers and the 3.5 points. Your eyes tell you to take the Saints because they can chuck it around the yard like nobody's business, but San Francisco is one of those teams that can lull you into playing their pace of football. Then, they get a turnover or two, and you're scratching your head wondering how in the Hell the Saints only have 10 points at halftime even though Brees has thrown for over 200 yards...

This was my toughest pick of the week, just because I think the Saints are that hot, but it's too much for me to bet against the best defense left standing in their own building. Even if this season has been all about offense...

Saints 23 49ers 20

Baltimore Ravens (-7.5) vs Houston Texans

I really wanted to pick Houston, because everyone and their mother is in on the Ravens, but the more I looked at the numbers, the more I knew I just had to bet on Baltimore. 8-0 at home this year, 6-1 in their last 7. A 15 point win over the Texans about a month ago where Houston had Matt Schaub but NOT Andre Johnson. I'm sure the motivation will be there for the Texans, as they're being blatantly overlooked, but the fact that the veteran Ravens have their own motivating factors will probably make all of that a moot point. What factors, you ask? Well try the fact that since 2008 the Ravens are 4-3 in the playoffs, yet this will be the 1st time in that span that they've been able to play in front of their home fans. Not like Ray Lewis probably needed any motivation to try and take TJ Yates' head off, but I'm sure giving the home folks what they've been waiting to see for nearly 5 years will do just fine...

That'll be the key. IF either team can key in simply on their opponents running game, it could turn into a long afternoon. My money is on the Ravens making that happen, which is why I think they'll cruise into the AFC title game with a rather comfortable win...

Ravens 24 Texans 13

New York Giants (+7.5) @ Green Bay Packers

Finally, we come to the trendiest upset pick of them all. The Giants over the Packers @ Lambeau Field. Normally, I'd be worried about jumping on such a bandwagon, but seeing as I built the thing and have been driving it around more or less by myself in the last few weeks, I'm more than happy to let some Teds jump on while I keep on truckin'. After all, I predicted the Giants/Patriots Super Bowl before the G-Men were even officially in the playoffs, so it wouldn't be very prudent of me to turn my back now while they still have a shot...

And that's what they have, "a shot". They're playing extremely well right now on both sides of the ball, and if they can keep the turnovers to a minimum then they should be in this thing till the very end. It worries me a little that their pressure up front could encourage Aaron Rodgers to make some plays with his legs, but it's that same defensive pressure that I think will give them the edge in the turnover battle, and send them into the 4th quarter with a chance to pull off the upset. They'll also have to get exceptional efforts from their curiously inconsistent yet very talented wide receiving corps. Cruz, Nicks and Manningham are as good a 3some as you'll find, but rarely at the same time. Eli's been great, but it will be on those 3 to turn a few 5 yard passes into 50 yard gains if the G-Men are going to be able to run up and down for the full 60 minutes...

Ultimately, I see this thing in overtime, and since I predicted the Giants would win before the playoffs started, I'm sticking with them now. I mean, if they don't win, how are the Patriots going to beat them in the Super Bowl?...

Giants 34 Packers 28 F/OT

Last Week: 3-1-0

Overall: 167-114-6 (.592)

There ya go, friends. Good luck this weekend, and make sure to check back next week for the latest Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25, where I'll likely be forced to rank Syracuse as my #1 team in the country. Oh well, guess I should be lucky to have such problems. I mean, some people are out there thinking that a man in the sky alters the outcomes of football games but refuses to put an end to genocide or world hunger. Now that's a problem I'd never want to have...

Have a great weekend, friends. And I'll catch you on the flipman...

Teddy Williams...



Ktomasso said...

I want you to know that you have now ruined my lunch with that picture of David Tyree.

Brett Ferruccio said...


Anonymous said...

Heyyy there, way to go 4-4 on picks. Giants Pats superbowl?

Brett Ferruccio said...

4-4? Even if you meant 4 for 4 I'm afraid you're sadly mistaken / I'd like you to be my bookie.

But yes. Giants/Pats Super Bowl.

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