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Friday, December 28, 2012

Week 17 Picks: Unsupervision Required...


Well, season's greetings again, my damies. I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas. I know I did. At least I was having a fantastic Christmas until it came to my attention that my new favorite TV show had been cancelled. Yep. Unsupervised, after only 3 measly season 2 episodes, has been shown the door. CBS is still basing it's lineup around a pair of fat cue card readers on the fast track to diabetes (Mike & Molly), and FOX and NBC are content to peddle out rehashed reality and talent shows. But no. There's no room in the TV universe for a sharp, well written program that actually makes you laugh without having to cue you to do so...

But, whatever. I'm used to my shit getting cancelled. And I get it. Unsupervised was a show that you actually had to pay attention to in order to appreciate and understand. And there's nothing the TV viewing public seems to hate more than shows that actually need to be watched in order to be understood. They want loud noises, obvious jokes and even more obvious plot lines. Which is cool. I wish great pain on them for their tastes having to continually be the reason so many shows I like get the boot. But it's cool. I just take solace in the fact that all the cue cards in the world won't help them laugh when they too are stricken with the fat person diabetes...

Now, speaking of fat bastards who are going to have miserable lives as aging adults. Let's pick some football games! And see if I can't continue a "holiday" run that's seen me go 24-7-1 over Thanksgiving and Christmas. IS New Year's a legit holiday? Guess we're about to find out...

And no, I don't know how I did on Halloween. Not checking, either. Pretty sure it would just ruin my beautiful stats. Besides, Halloween is for Teds. There, I said it. And fat people. They love Halloween because of all the candy. They don't mind being able to hide their faces, either. WATCH BETTER TV, YOU BASTARDS!...

OK, now I can seriously move on. Enjoy...

Friday, December 21, 2012

Week 16 Picks: For The Restivus...


OK, so now it's really Festivus. But since I used up my grievance allotment with last week's stance against those who will do nearly anything to fit in, I'm just going to use today's space to give you the picks that can hopefully start your holiday weekend on the right note. I'm also going to use it to share some quality Festivus underboob. "Have you seen the pole?" Yeah, they've seen the pole...

Enjoy, my friends. And a Merry Christmas to you all...

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

A Facebook Festivus


So, my fantasy team lost. And it quite dramatic and excruciating fashion, too. Which has me more than just a tiny bit bitter. Which is probably why I chose today to do an early celebration of Festivus. With the most important event of that sacred holiday being "the airing of grievances". And while I try to keep my focus in this Interweb space on sports, there's one problem I'm having with you people that I just can't keep under wraps. You might find what I say a tad bit insensitive, but don't worry. It'll be brief...

The school shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, was a tragic and deeply saddening event. Fairly obvious statement, right? And I feel truly sorry for anyone and everyone involved. Another fairly standard script, right? OK, well if we can agree that those are the reactions of a normal person with some decently aligned priorities, then what's with need to shout it from the rooftops on every social network you can find?! Oh, that's right. So you can look sympathetic and compassionate to all of your "friends"...

Here's the thing. If social network every post supporting the people of Newtown came attached with a certification that you had just donated money to their cause. I'd have no problem. And if your anti-gun rant came equipped with a petition to sign for me to ban the use of all firearms? I'd have no problem. But no. These are people just spouting off, trying to act concerned, and then just moving on to the next tragedy that comes across the news wire. And why do they want to act concerned? Because it's cool! Yeah, because apparently Facebook has put us all right back in middle school again...

It's selfishness, pure and simple. And when your unnecessary selfishness is riding on the backs of a bunch of murdered children? Well, I don't think I should have to tell you that behavior such as that puts you right up there on my list of "worst types of people". I get it, you care. But if you don't care enough to really do anything, then what the Hell? Doesn't that more or less make you a fraud? "Oh yeah, I care. Until I actually have to move". And it's cool, you don't have to care. But if you do, my experience tells me that "caring" about something such as this is gonna more than a 1-2 week enterprise. And this story only has 2-3 more days. You know, with the end of the world coming and all. At least that will be the story to boot it from the headlines...

Sorry for the rant, friends. But in the spirit of Festivus, I just had to get that off my chest. Next time we chat, I'll be sure to "stick to sports". Because, I know if you really wanted to read a friend's political views, you'd head to Facebook...

Be good...

NFL Picks

Last Week: 8-9-0

Overall: 137-105-9 (.564)

Twitter Picks: 27-11-2 (.700)


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, December 14, 2012

Week 15 Picks: Go Bengal Yourself...


So, remember on Wednesday when I rubbed all your noses in the fact that I was still alive and thriving in the fantasy football playoffs? Well, today I'm feeling most of your pain. And I'm also ready to change "Bengal" from a term for an amount of Meth, to a verb describing a situation very much akin to a prison rape. As in, "Hey, Rooch sure is walking funny today..." "Shhhhhh. He got Bengaled, yo..." "Dammmmnnnnn"...

But it's cool. I've come back from worse. OK, maybe I haven't. But, screw you. You're team's garbage. And yes, I realize I'm not talking to anyone in particular. But, whatever. Somebody has to feel my wrath. I can't keep it inside my person. Then I'd probably end up clippin' some pedestrian with my car and thinking that somehow things had just evened out for me. I call it doin' "a Donte'". You know. As in Stallworth? Man, can that guy flee a scene. Flees it right into the end zone! OH!

Nah, but he killed a guy. Just like how I'm about to kill these picks! #toosoon

Enjoy...

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

#NHLOL


The holidays really are a fantastic time, aren't they? A truly wondrous time filled with top 5 ranked college basketball teams, world beating football teams and fantasy teams primed to pull in that sweet playoff casheesh. Oh, is that not how it is for everyone? Now that's unfortunate. But at least we can all join together in getting joy by laughing at the NHL. Whether they eventually come to an agreement and start to play games, or preferably NOT, those Teds have proven yet again that they're really only good at the following things: Screwing their fans, making me cackle at their incompetence, and doing irreparable damage to their sport...

And to you "loyal" fans? I say only this. You're suckers. Not insulting your intelligence. We can all be suckers. Now, you just need to choose whether you're going to stop being a sucker, or accept the fact that you're a glutton for punishment. Nobody will want to hear your bitching when the league has more labor strife, or 3 teams had to be shut down. Because that's just par for the course for those of us that aren't blinded by our love of the game. It would be like telling us that you were shocked that when you flipped a coin it came up heads instead of tails. Except in this instance, where it's a double sided Canadian coin being flipped by a greasy haired owner with a substantial financial interest in the flip's outcome...

Thankfully, they don't have the holidays in Canada. Or is that Thanksgiving? I can never remember. I do know they have "Boxing Day", which isn't about boxing at all. But that's about where my non-Bryan Adams related Canadian knowledge begins and ends. And I know they don't have college basketball, either. Which is what you should be watching right now whenever there isn't football...

So, yeah. Canada sucks. And if that wasn't the intended point of this rambling, then so be it...

Catch you Friday, friends. Will pick some winners together and continue to laugh at the less fortunate. Should be good times...  

NFL Picks

Last Week: 9-7-0

Overall: 129-96-9 (.571)

Twitter Picks: 27-10-2 (.718)


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, December 07, 2012

Week 14 Picks: Except The Weasel...


Greetings, my fellow degenerates. Did you get your betting week off to a good start by taking Denver and the points last night? You did?!? Well, congrats to you. You just bet against a trend that had seen the last 23 double digit home underdogs go 22-1 against the spread, and lived to tell the tale. Yeah. You're a lucky bastard. But hey, luck is great! It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel. Wait, I think I said that wrong...

No matter. Here, I make my own luck. Mostly by setting myself as the center of some perverse universe in which the betting Gods are conspired against me, and working from there. But there are also some hard numbers involved there, too. And if a team happens to have a readily available photo of an attractive half nude female sporting their team gear? Yeah, that's probably not gonna hurt their chances, either...

Enjoy...

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

Little Bob's Big Mistake...


Here's what we know: Jovan Belcher was a troubled man who did a terrible thing. Bob Costas is a tiny, well spoken man with impeccable credentials. And no one, no matter how experienced and articulate, should go out of their way to mix politics and sports. Bob Costas did just that in addressing the Belcher murder/suicide at halftime of the game on Sunday night, and I'll tell you why he should have left it alone. Actually, Bob will tell you why he should have left it alone...

Monday morning, fellow NBC colleague, Dan Patrick, invited Costas onto his popular radio/TV show. Likely in an attempt to let his friend and collaborator explain himself better than the 90 seconds at halftime allowed. Here, Bob would be able to explain that he wasn't trying to spout his views on gun control, that he didn't mean to quote noted reverse race baiter, Jason Whitlock, and more or less the whole series of events was a big misunderstanding. Problem is, Costas didn't back down. Sure, he used the word "mistake", but he otherwise continued to "stick his guns". At one point even misspeaking and using that inappropriate pun...

Nope. Instead, Bob merely admitted that perhaps he gave the audience "too much credit", and how the subject matter was likely over their heads or beyond their comprehension. And you know what? He's right! That doesn't make his statements any more appropriate, it only proves that he never should have opened his mouth on the topic in the first place. And that he knows it! They don't discuss Roe vs Wade on Dancing With the Stars (at least not to my knowledge), and they shouldn't be discussing gun control on Sunday Night Football! But, this is what happens when a group of people start to take themselves too seriously...

And that's where the irony comes in. Bob started his soliloquy by saying that people tend to use the phrase "puts things in perspective" too often and far too cavalierly in the aftermath of situations like Belcher's murder/suicide. Yet, by his even devoting 90 seconds to the topic on this type of platform, he was giving credence to that exact way of thinking. You're right, Bob. People use that phrase far too often and then allow themselves to slip right back into their apathetic way of thinking. You nailed that right on the head. But wagging your finger in disdain at a National TV audience is no way to effectively get that message across. And halftime of a football game is definitely not the venue for it, either...

If Costas wanted to talk gun control and it's impact on the public good? That's fine. He's well spoken, he's intelligent. I'm sure he would have a lot of insightful things to say. But that just wasn't the proper forum in which to broach that topic. Which got me thinking: In this day of instant info and even swifter reaction, are their even improper forums, anymore? That's where I'll give Costas a bit of a pass. In this day of 5 minute news cycles, NBC just wanted to get an opinion from one of their big guns on the air as soon as possible and to as many people as possible. Which is why, as Costas said and Patrick backed him up, the producers of the broadcast came to Costas just minutes before he was scheduled to fill that 90 seconds, and told him they wanted commentary on Belcher. Again, not excusing Costas, but even a pro like him is bound to make a mistake or two when given that little of a heads up. And that's what he did. He made a mistake. He's not likely to admit it, which is only going to make things worse. But I'm sure if he were put on the truth serum, or say we tied a car battery to his man parts, I'm guessing he'd eventually crack...

Lucky for him, he'll be able to benefit from that same 5 minute news cycle that led him down this sorted path. Lindsay Lohan will get arrested again, the politicians in Washington will continue to argue over the impending economic disaster, and the doomsday theorists will continue to warn us that the end of the world as we know it is mere weeks away. And like that, he'll be gone. Like a tiny Kaiser Soze...

...unless of course NBC tries to make him apologize on Sunday. A misstep there, and that tiny legend could lose his job. So tread carefully, Mr. Costas. You're a great asset to the sports entertainment community, and we'd hate to see you lost to something as trivial as this...


As for the rest of my sports universe, there's not much to report. Which is to say, there's far too much and I'm far too lazy. So allow me to summarize...

The Red Sox: I have no idea what they're doin', up there. But I'll wait for them to finish building before I make my final judgement. I will say this, though. They are giving a lot of money to a lot of questionable dudes. And none of those questionable Teds are even pitchers...

College Hoops: Been a good season, so far. Syracuse is lookin' good, Kentucky is sucking. I like it. I like it a lot. If I had to pick a #1 team right now (which thankfully I don't), it would probably be Duke. It's close between Duke and Indiana, but I'd give the nod to Duke probably based on the fact that I've seen them play more. Still early, though. I'm guessing I'll be rolling out my first set of rankings within the next few weeks, so keep an eye out. As for the games to watch? You've got the Interweb. You know where to find them...

Football: Pats are in the playoffs and playing the Texans on Monday Night. Which is great. My picks continue to keep me in the black. Also great. And since nobody cares about college football in the greater Boston area, it turns out I actually won't have to hear any Notre Dame talk over the next month+. Thanks, Pink Hats!..


NFL Picks

Last Week: 8-6-0

Overall: 120-89-9 (.571)

Twitter Picks: 26-10-2 (.711)

NCAA Picks

Last Week: 6-3-0

Overall: 90-56-3 (.614)


Hope you enjoyed, friends. And I'll catch you on Friday...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, November 30, 2012

Week 13 Picks: Wait a Beard Second...


After last night's win, the Falcons are 11-1. Yet you probably couldn't find anyone north of Myrtle Beach that considers them a top 3 contender for the Super Bowl. Probably because they were out gained by 150 yards on offense at home, yet still managed a win against the league's worst defense. But no matter. They'll make the playoffs, take a dive in their first game after the bye, and then we'll all forget about them again until they're 7-1 next year. That being the case, let's get on to talking about some legitimate teams that we actually think can take this thing down. Oh, and the Jaguars. I'm gonna talk about the Jaguars for a second, too. And literally "a second". So don't let that dissuade you from venturing on..

So venture, my friends. And let's see if we can't get those pockets a little fuller for your Christmas shopping needs. And by "Chirstmas shopping", I obviously mean betting on other football games. Because there's no better gift than whatever you can find at Walgreen's because you blew all of your money betting on football. Scoff, if you must. But who doesn't like a thing of mixed nuts and a Burt's Bee's chapstick? BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!!

Enjoy...

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

It's Lame, Everything's Lame...


There's no doubt about it. It's a great time of year to be a sports fan. College hoops, MLB hot stove, and of course all the football we can handle. However, within that plentiful cornucopia of sports goodness comes a problem. And no, I'm not talking about the 8 weeks of Notre Dame talk we're about to hear across every even remotely sports related medium in existence. Nope, the problem with this full plate of sports goodness is that between all the watching, beer drinking and spirited conversing don't really leave time for much blogging. OK, maybe that's not entirely true, but it's a busy time of year. You've gotta give me that. Even if this is like the longest gap from Thanksgiving to Christmas in the history of the universe...

But it's cool. I've got what every sports fan on the go needs to help get them through. At least through the next few days. OK, that's not entirely true, either. But I do have the results from my uber successful weekend of picking football games and a list of college basketball games coming up in the next few days. That's something, right? I've also got that super creepy photo at the top of the page that I found while searching Google Images for "Notre Lame". Yeah, that's not so cool. But I'll make up for it right now...


Yup, it's the one and only Kate Upton in all her curvaceous glory. And it appears as though her horse broke down...and she needed to use her pants and shirt to kill it? Whatever, at least she brought a blanket...and apparently some extra mascara...    

NFL Picks

Last Week: 12-4-1

Overall: 112-83-9 (.571)

Twitter Picks: 25-10-2 (.703)


NCAA Picks

Last Week: 7-5-0

Overall: 84-53-3 (.611)

NCAA Hoops

11/28
Ohio St. @ Duke
Michigan St. @ Miami
Virginia @ Wisconsin

11/29
Marquette @ Florida
Kentucky @ Notre Dame

11/30
Syracuse @ Arkansas
Tennessee @ Georgetown

12/1
Michigan @ Bradley
Baylor @ Kentucky
Illinois St. @ Louisville
Oklahoma St. @ Virginia Tech
Alabama @ Cincinnati
San Diego St. @ UCLA


Catch you Friday, kids. For all the football picking that's fit to print. And maybe another picture of Kate Upton. I'm sure I can find a way to squeeze that in...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Week 12 Picks: Food Coma Addition...


Call it a multi-day food coma, call it holiday time apathy. Either one works in describing the reason for this weekend's abbreviated picks. I'm sure you can relate, with the busy Thanksgiving weekend and whatnot. And I hope you've been enjoying yours just as I've been enjoying mine. I know my Thursday night was particularly enjoyable. I laughed (at the Jets), I cried (due to laughing so hard at the Jets, and I laughed again (ya know, because the Jets were still trying to compete). I also managed to drink a few beers in between the tears. And that rhymes, so you know it was a good time. And that almost rhymed, but no time for that...

There is a little bit of time to get your picks in order, though. And I'm here to help. Even tossed in a few OVER/UNDERS to help make up for my lack of witty comments and digs at Lance Armstrong. Think of them as my Thanksgiving gift to you. Unless they don't hit, in which case screw you. Thanksgiving isn't for gifts anyway, you greedy bastards...

Enjoy. And for one last time. GOBBLE GOBBLE!


Chicago Bears (pick) vs Minnesota Vikings

Indianapolis Colts (-3) vs Buffalo Bills

San Francisco 49ers (-1) @ New Orleans Saints + OVER 48.5

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+1) vs Atlanta Falcons + OVER 51

New York Giants (-2.5) vs Green Bay Packers + OVER 50.5

San Diego Chargers (+1) vs Baltimore Ravens

Cincinnati Bengals (-8) vs Oakland Raiders

Cleveland Browns (pick) vs Pittsburgh Steelers

Kansas City Chiefs (+10.5) vs Denver Broncos + UNDER 45.5

Seattle Seahawks (-3) @ Miami Dolphins

St. Louis Rams (+2) @ Arizona Cardinals

Jacksonville Jaguars (+3) vs Tennessee Titans

Carolina Panthers (-2.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles


Thanksgiving Picks: 2-1-1

Overall: 100-79-8 (.556)

Twitter Picks: 24-10-2 (.694)


As for my college picks (went 3-0 in Top 25 games on Friday), this weekend. Yes, I'm taking USC. But it has nothing to do with the actual teams playing in the game. It's mostly because Notre Dame ruined the combination of Jaime Edmondson and football. A bra?! Really, Notre Dame?? For a supposedly religious school that's a rather sacrilegious act. I mean, any heathen knows how the amply chested Jaime Edmonson is meant to look when sporting football themed attire. And it's like this...


See? Now there's something to be thankful for. And I'll be rather thankful if I don't have to put up with a month+ of Notre Dame title talk, too... #underboobs

NCAA Top 25 Picks
USC (+6.5) vs (1) Notre Dame

(2) Alabama (-29.5) vs Auburn

(3) Georgia (-13) vs Georgia Tech

(4) Ohio St. (-3.5) vs (20) Michigan

(16) Oregon St. (+9.5) vs (5) Oregon

(6) Florida (+8) @ (10) Florida St.

(22) Oklahoma St. (+7) @ (14) Oklahoma

(11) Stanford (pick) @ (15) UCLA

(12) Clemson (-4) vs (13) South Carolina

UCONN (+11) @ (20) Louisville

(21) Rutgers (+2) @ Pittsburgh

(25) Mississippi St. (+1.5) @ Mississippi


Last Week: 9-7-0 (3-0 on Twitter on 11/23)

Overall: 77-48-3 (.613)

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Thanksgiving Picks: #GobbleGobble


Gobble gobble, my damies. Thanksgiving is upon us, once again. A time where we gather together, and perform some of the most cherished pastimes that this great nation of ours has to offer. Like my personal favorite. Pretending to listen to a relative tell a story about their kids while simultaneously eating, watching football, and checking your fantasy team. Ah, yes. Traditions. That's what Thanksgiving is all about. And it's what helps separates us from the Canadians. That, and our extremely high crime rate...which might have something to do with our history being founded on the raping and pillaging of the people that actually helped spawn this great holiday. Oh well. Check it out! Football picks and a half naked pilgrim chick that may or may not be late 90s Pam Anderson!..?

FOOTBALL! FOOD! AMERICA! FAMILIAL INDIFFERENCE! HOOKERS! YEAH!!!

Let's go...

Friday, November 16, 2012

NFL Week 11 Picks: WAR. What Is It Good For?


Purists say that all the newfangled statistics are ruining baseball. And the stat nerds say the newfangled stats are the purest way of analyzing the game. Ahhh yes. The debate rages on. And since the debate has come to the forefront with the latest selection of Miguel Carbrera over Mike Trout as American League MVP, I thought I'd take a second to give you my thoughts on the matter before I get down to making this week's picks. And here they are...

1) The term "MVP" is so ambiguous, that trying to back it up with anything "solid" or legitimate" really becomes a futile enterprise. "Value" is an opinion. There's no iron clad way to "prove" it, so until they change the name of the award, voters can vote almost any which way they please and not have to provide much of an explanation past "that was my opinion"...

2) IF they did change the name of the award to "best" player, and put a statistical system in place to determine said player, that stat would be called "WAR". Or "Wins Above Replacement". IT does a better job of portraying a player's importance than any of the old time metrics, and statistically gets right to the heart of determining a player's actual value...

So, here's the long and short of it. You either make it so there isn't a vote, and that the player with the best WAR every year wins the MVP. OR, you leave it open to a prehistoric vote, where the uneducated use any number of their own metrics to determine the winner. Personally, I leave it open to the vote. But that's mostly because I enjoy watching the tards across the country cast their votes for Hunter Pence, and enjoy even more the hilarious social network fallout that then results...

IF I felt it actually mattered, if I had some sort of dog in this fight. I'd be aggressively lobbying for WAR to become the gold standard. I mean, why let a bunch of crusty old sports writers, who may have seen like 10% of total games played this season, figure it out, when there's an iron clad statistical system in place that can do a much more efficient job? Oh, right. Because of the hilarity that will ensue on the Interweb. How quickly I forget...

Speaking of hilarity on the Interweb and trying to make heads or tails of sketchy numbers, let's see if I can't make some sense of this week's games in the NCAA & NFL. Because we all know the only numbers football fans care about have to do with the spread. And maybe their fantasy team. But here, we're gonna focus on the spread. Personally, I hope your fantasy team sucks to the point where you stop trying to tell me about it...

Which leads me to one more mini rant: Would you ever walk up to a complete stranger and just out of the blue ask them if you should get married to someone that they don't even know? Of course you wouldn't. But that's how you sound when you walk about to someone that's not in your league, doesn't know your league size, doesn't know your roster and doesn't know your scoring system, and ask them about some advice for your fantasy team. Yeah, sure. Get married. This doesn't mean I have to buy you a gift, right?

Just come prepared, peeps. I know you want answers, but it certainly helps in giving one if you at first fully understand the question...

Enjoy!

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

The Miami Trade Machine...


Can you feel that glow, friends? That's the warmth emanating from the dawn of the Aqib Talib area here in New England. Either that, or it's the exhaust of the jets currently taking all of the Marlins up to their new digs in Canada. Oh, and speaking of "jets". Yeah, they're forcing themselves into the news with their antics again. So I'll get to that, too...

Some news and notes. Check 'em out. And yes, that title is a weak reference to 'The Miami Sound Machine'. What? I couldn't think of anything better. Besides, you know you like Gloria Estefan, and I'm willing to bet the rhythm has "got" you at least once in the last 48 hours. So there...

Friday, November 09, 2012

NFL Week 10 Picks: Prelude To A Dog Day Afternoon...


So, today was supposed to the start of a brand new season for Syracuse basketball. But then it rained. And that's the thing with outdoor basketball games. Sometimes it rains. And since this isn't the WNBA, they had to postpone the game. But it's all good, because now I'll actually be able to watch the game it in it's entirety. And seeing as it's all about me, anyway. I'd say that's a fantastic thing. Not so much for all the people who planned weekends out to San Diego that will now spend their free weekend attempting to trade their tickets for sex and coke. But they're not my problem. They're just my brothers in Orange arms. Just be careful not to lose any of those Orange arms in a shady back alley sex for ticket exchanges. Needless to say, those situations can get rather hairy. Possible puns everywhere...

OK. So now that we've covered the CraigsList scene in San Diego for the next few days, let's go about making some money the honest way. You know. By circumventing the United States' laws against gambling on sports each and every way we know how. I mean, it's what we do. So let's do it to it, Teds...

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Barack And A Hard Place...


Well, the people have spoken. Or at least something like 17% of them have. That's the math, when you break it down. Not like I'm here to bitch about election results. But I do have a major beef with the process.  I mean, from what I saw last night. The guy I voted for didn't even actually run. Which is weird, because I totally saw his name on the ballot right before I cast my vote for him. And that's my issue. You can blame the Republicans or the Democrats if you want, but I but the blame on partisan politics in general. And I wouldn't be so convinced that's the main problem if I didn't see both parties and the TV networks in their back pockets go to great lengths to ignore anyone with an R or a D next to their name. Fix the system, and you'll get better results. That's all I'm saying. And opening up the forum, giving equal time to those that have met the Federal guidelines to be on the ballot, should go a long way towards giving it the overhaul that it's needed for quite some time...

Sorry to get even the least bit political. I know you've been getting bombarded on Facebook with all sorts of extremist bullshit, and I hate to contribute to a river of excrement so vile and disgusting that even Andy Dufresne wouldn't dare shimmy through. But I'm also not one to keep quiet. Not when I feel my views, and the views of many that I know are going unrepresented by what's supposed to be a government run by and for the people...

So there. Now you know my thoughts on the election. I know you were dying for my reaction, so there it is. Next week I'll tell you how to raise you're kids and express my thoughts on what happens after you die...


As for any sports news that's come across my desk, the only tidbit of note was the Red Sox signing of David Ortiz. I wanted them to spend money, and in signing Ortiz to essentially a 2 year $30 million dollar contract, they did exactly that to keep their man. However, the spending needs to continue. I wouldn't put it past this ownership group to overspend for Ortiz only to assure a positive face on what they think will be another disappointing few seasons. If this is step one? It's a great sign. A sign that not only are they looking to spend, but that they're willing to overspend. But if this is the last major card they plan to play, then there won't be any reason to think they team will be any closer to competing than they have been in recent years...

But hey. The hot stove is just starting to heat up. So there's still plenty of time for the Red Sox to make their intentions clear. I'll give them that time. I'm just not willing to start patting anyone on the back until I'm convinced their actually committed to turning this thing around rather than milking it for every last dollar that it's worth...


Other than that, I've got nothin' for ya. I'm obviously excited that college basketball is only a few days from getting underway. But there'll be plenty of time to talk about that once the season has actually gotten started. Something that, as a Syracuse fan, I was hoping would happen on Friday. Now, thanks to a little rain, I'll have to wait until Sunday afternoon to get my fix. Not an ideal situation, sports viewing wise. But I'll take Syracuse playing on a boat over Dallas/Philly every day and twice on Sunday. Mmmmmm. College hoops Sunday doubleheader on a boat. Now that would be sweet...

Either way. It'll be great to have college hoops back in the fold. Really makes this one of the greatest times of the year to be a sports fan. If only the NBA were locked out right now, too. Now that would make for a perfect world. Oh well. I'll take what I can get...


Decent results last week, but seeing as Vegas had it's worst sports betting weekend in it's history thanks to all the favorites covering, 9-4 isn't really all that great. Oh well. That's the great part about numbers. Three weeks from now it won't matter how easy this week allegedly was. 9-4 is 9-4. And I'll take that any time I can get it. You'd be wise to do the same...

NFL Picks

Last Week: 9-4-0

Overall: 80-68-6 (.539)

Twitter Picks: 15-8-1 (.646)

NCAA Picks

Last Week: 8-5-1

Overall: 59-39-3 (.599)


Catch you Friday, friends. Be good. Oh, and I'd stay away from Facebook for a few more days. Let the Teds get all of this stuff out of their system. They'll forget about it soon enough and go back towards posting pictures of their dogs and babies. Don't worry...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>  

Friday, November 02, 2012

NFL Week 9 Picks: Talib It Or Not...


Chad Johnson, Albert Haynesworth? Meet the next risk taken by Bill Belichick at the expense of the 2013 draft. His name, is Aqib Talib. Former cabbie puncher, Adderall eater, domestic disputer, and of course, defensive back for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. He's as talented as he is mentally unstable, and he's here to save New England's season by helping to improve what might just be the league's worst secondary...

Now, the question immediately becomes: Is this nut case worth the risk? 4th round picks aren't exactly chump change, and with Talib in the final year of his contract, it's optimistic to think that this is any more than a rental. He plays well? He'll likely get a better deal somewhere else as a free agent. He sucks, or worse yet he further proves that he's an immature malcontent? He'll likely be out of the league faster than you can say Maurice Clarett. Either way, you get the picture. He's not long for this uniform...

So what will deem this trade a "success"? It's simple. Talib will need to play well enough to be the difference in the Patriots advancing past the first round of the playoffs. That's a rather high bar, I know. But what are we talking about here? This is a playoff team, right? Even with their porous secondary, I still think everyone believes they're making it to the playoffs. But they're secondary sucks, and most people believe that in order for them to be any more than just another playoff team, that will need to improve. That's where Talib comes in. He puts them over the top, helps to at least give them a fighting chance in the AFC Championship game? The trade was a success. He does anything less than that? Well let's just say it will make it a lot more obvious come the 2013 draft that the Patriots are a little short when it comes to picks. Granted, Belichick will probably just trade back a bunch of time and the Pats will still end up with the most picks in the league, but you see my point...

It's a risky gambit by Bill Belichick and the Patriots. But I like it. His actions are telling me he thinks this team is close enough to take this type of risk on, and that he feels he can make it up on the back end with his ability to manipulate the draft. That's good enough for me. Sure, these scenarios haven't exactly worked out for Bill in the recent past, but that doesn't mean they're chances that aren't worth taking. 0 for 2 isn't exactly a trend. Talib flames out like OchoStinko and Haynesworth? Then we can start to question if ole Mr. Hoodsworth might be starting to lose is mind...

OK, now that we've covered that, let's get to some picks. You know, before Belichick trades them away for a potential All Pro safety who happens to have been indicted for murder. Oh, and he might have a Meth problem...

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Tricks Before Treats...


Greetings, friends. This week, there will be no hot sports takes on RoochNation.com. Why? Well, because I stayed up way too late/early watching the final table of the World Series of Poker Main Event, and my brain is kind of fried...

That, and the NBA started last night. Something that more or less ruins Fall for me with the way it causes the Boston sports radio scene to turn more or less into a full blown PinkHat convention. Football and baseball experts talking about a league that has to fine their players to prevent them from pretending to have been pushed over? Yeah, no thanks. I'd rather go trick or treating with Jerry Sandusky...

Speaking of. Happy Halloween to you all. Hope everyone made it through the storm OK, and are able to follow through on your yearly customs and traditions. Girls, that means dressing up like hookers. And judging  from my Facebook feed, many of you have already gotten in the spirit. Which is great. And guys. That means. Well, I don't know what that means. It either means you either A) go all out, and have a costume that's so intricate and well thought out it makes everybody wonder about your virginity. OR B) you do nothing, and go drink a few beers. There really should be no in between. There's nothing worse than a half ass costume. And trust me, this is coming from a guy that's worn virtually nothing but half ass costumes since around 1999. SO I advise either going big or staying home. Unless you're still 17-25. Then get that half ass costume on and go check out all the usually reserved chicks dressed like hookers. Should be good times...

So enjoy the holiday, friends. And I'll catch you on Friday. Hopefully with my own unique basket full of treats to pass your way. And by "treats", I mean winning NFL picks. Could even be a trick, too. And by "trick", I mean a scantily clad flesh farmer at the top of my NCAA segment. Could probably even find one in a slutty NCAA themed Halloween costume. Matter of fact, I'll be shocked if I can't...

OK, the search is on. Enjoy the rest of your week, friends. And I'll catch you Friday...

NFL Picks

Last Week: 7-7-1

Overall: 71-64-6 (.525)

Twitter Picks: 14-6-1 (.690)

NCAA picks

Last Week: 6-6-0

Overall: 51-34-2 (.598)

Friday, October 26, 2012

NFL Week 8 Picks: Cam Newton is the Next Larry Bird...


Let's see. Warren Moon is a paranoid race baiter, the Giants are up 2-0 in the World Series, and ESPN & Stephen A. Smith have proven yet again that they're both more about ratings than they are about actually providing any sort of worthwhile content. That about cover the news of the week? Oh, yeah. And the Bobby Valentine fallout is proving to be just as hilarious as nearly everyone had predicted. That should do it. Now, with that out of the way, let's get down to picking some football games...

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Beware the Boston Bait & Switch


So it appears Ben Cherington has finally got "his" man. Bobby V is out, John Farrell is in, and we as Red Sox fans are led to believe that we are headed in the right direction. That's right. Again...

Wasn't Bobby V supposed to cure what ailed this team? Supply that much needed discipline and whip them into shape? I believe that he was. And how did that work out? Not so well. So what? So that's it? And now it's just back to "business as usual"? Well, OK. But if memory serves, the old way involved one of the league's highest payrolls and some of the biggest names in the game. So, unless the front office gets it's ass in gear this off season and bulks up the roster, this return of John "the prodigal son" Farrell will merely serve as yet another piece of window dressing on a structure that still resembles more of an amusement park than it does a baseball park...

That needs to be the focus, here. Player's manager, disciplinary manager. It doesn't matter. What matters is winning. Winning cures all ills. And for this team to win, they'll need immediate help in the form of free agency, and get back to the business of stocking their farm system with a lot of quality arms. Until those things start to happen again, any other moves, like the hiring of a new manager, will merely be secondary. See, there are times to "tinker" and there are times to make major moves. This is a time for the latter, and until I see those big moves going down, forgive me if I don't get too excited...

I wonder how they finally settled on a dollar amount...
I won't be getting too excited about my recent string of NFL picks, either. My college picks still remain hotter than a West Virginia Meth lab (an image search for which prompted the above photo), but seeing as the NFL is the only league that really matters to me and mine, I'd really like to right that ship before it officially starts to sink. Maybe I'll just have to make all my picks on Twitter? Eh, whatever it is. I'm sure I'll figure it out. Either that, or some of you may end up in a situation similar to the one depicted above. See how everything can be brought back to Meth? Comforting, isn't it?...  

NFL Picks

Last Week: 5-8-1

Overall: 63-56-5 (.528)

Twitter Picks: 13-5-1 (.711)


NCAA Picks

Last Week: 9-2-0

Overall: 45-28-2 (.613)


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, October 19, 2012

NFL Week 7 Picks: Back To Basics...


You would think I'd be overjoyed. The NHL is still locked out, looking every bit the inept fools that I've long  accused them of being. And Lance Armstrong is finally getting some sort of  legitimate comeuppance, nearly a decade after I became sure that he was more a greedy cheater than a noble and charitable champion. But I'm not overjoyed. Sure, I'm somewhat relishing in my Nostrdamus like success. But with the Patriots toiling at 3-3 and my NFL picks getting dangerously close to heading into the red, it's tough for me to find much joy...

That's why this week, I'm going to back to some of my old handicapping standbys to help me right the ship, and help bring some joy back into my life. And by joy, I obviously mean money. Because Lord knows I haven't seen dollar one from being right about the unitard wearing blood doper...

Let's go!

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

It's All Jeterian...


My results this past weekend were a lot like Derek Jeter's injury. I sucked in the NFL, which is bad. Like when a great player has an unfortunate injury. But I was awesome in college, which is good. Like when arguably the most charmed athlete of our time on the most despised franchise in all of professional sports goes down with an untimely injury. It makes you smile for a second, until you realize that you're just a huge Ted. And probably a jealous one, at that. And you move on. You take whatever "literal" benefit the unfortunate incident may have yielded you, and then you get back to fixing whatever it was that made you envious of that bastard in the first place. That's where I'm at. Some good has been going on, but I've got some problems to fix. So check back Friday, I'm sure I'll have them all ironed out by then. Which is more than I can say for Mr. Derek Jeter...


NFL Picks

Last Week: 4-9-1

Overall: 54-48-4 (.533)

Twitter Picks: 10-5-0 (.667)

NCAA Picks

Last Week: 8-1-1

Overall: 36-26-2 (.578)


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, October 12, 2012

NFL Week 6 Picks: Wicked Ahhhtistic...


I know I already said it last week, but it's worth repeating. If you're not watching the MLB playoffs, it's likely that your missing out on one of the most exciting post season's of our time. In any sport. OK, I didn't say exactly that, last week, because the 4 Division Series' hadn't all gone the full 5 games yet (only 2% chance of that happening, by the way. So don't expect it again). But I did encourage you to give the prelude to the Fall Classic a look before deciding which dead beat running back to add to your sputtering fantasy squad. If you took my advice, good for you. If not, and you decide to watch now, I take no responsibility for the three 4 game sweeps that will end this thing after I've built the hype up to such mammoth proportions. Sorry, but you already missed it. Hope William Powell and Alex Green were worth it. Here's a hint, they weren't...

As for sports the majority of you will be watching, I've got that taken care of, too. Yup. I may sometimes hate, but I also appreciate. Appreciate you, for the wannabe gambling degenerates that you are, and do by best to give yo you're weekly hit off of the magical rock pipe known as football. So get your fix. You'll feel better, I'll feel better, some bookies will make some money. Everybody wins! OK, maybe just the bookies win. And seeing as they likely use their profits to buy drugs which in turn sponsor terrorism, we probably all lose. But there's no reason to think about all that, right now. Save the terror funding bookies for tomorrow. Today, we're picking winners...

...actually. You'll probably just want to save all that worrying until Tuesday. There's no football on Tuesdays...

Enjoy...

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Boys of Summer OR Men of Fall?


So, I've been thinking. Are there any cities left in this country that actually like a sport more than they like a team? Like, I heard for all of my life that Boston was a "hockey town", but it wasn't until their recent Stanley Cup win that I saw or heard anyone giving a shit about the Bruins. I've heard that Boston is a "baseball town", too. But with the Red Sox having finished just a few games outside of this year's playoffs, I can't seem to find a single "local" that can even name 6 of the 8 teams that remain in the MLB playoffs...

And I'm not trying to be high and mighty, here. I've made my "PinkHat" hatred well known, and that is what it is. But I'm seriously asking. Are there any places left that put sport over team? OR have we all just become a nation of fanboys that don't want to watch unless our team is playing, or if their are fantasy implications involved? I hold out hope it's not the latter, but the writing appears to be on the proverbial wall...

What's most likely, is that this is the way I always feel this time of year, where football and baseball overlap. I know that there are still cities out there that like particular sports, but during this time of year I always forget it. And it's because football is blatantly king. Nobody's missing a random playoff football game just because their team isn't involved, are they? Not unless they get forced into attending a poorly planned "holiday party" they're not. Yet the average fan seems oblivious to baseball, even though they're just a few innings away from deciding a champion...

Football is here, friends. So you better get used to it. Everything else plays second fiddle. "Boys of Summer"? Well these are the "Men of Fall". Football is the national past time. And for better or worse, it matters more than any local sports concern ever has, and ever will again...

Or at least that's how it feels this week...


Had another lackluster performance on the virtual gridiron, last week. But not surprisingly, I aim to make it up to you and then some come this Friday. I'll also be unveiling a new associate that will be joining the RoochNation team, so you'll want to be sure not to miss it...  

NFL Picks

Last Week: 8-9-0

Overall: 50-39-3 (.560)

Twitter Picks: 10-3-0 (.769)

NCAA Picks

Last Week: 7-6-1

Overall: 28-25-1 (.523)


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, October 05, 2012

NFL Week 5 Picks: V You Later...


Ladies and gentlemen, we officially live in a world where Bobby Valentine is no longer the coach of the Boston Red Sox. And doesn't that just make you feel so much better about things? No? Well good, because it shouldn't. Just like in the case of the trade with the Dodgers, the firing of Bobby V is only the first step in a process that this ownership and management team will need to take in order to properly right that ship...

Lest we forget, it's the ownership and their tactics that are still the problem here. It's going to become hard to remember that between the Bobby V fallout, the Ortiz negotiations and the search for a new manager. But it was the firm belief of nearly ALL of Red Sox Nation, just a few months ago, that it was the men upstairs that were the main reasons for the dysfunctional product being put on the field. And I still believe that's the case.  So, until they string together a bunch of what can be viewed as wise and successful moves, I'll continue to watch them with a critical eye. Remember. Just because they got rid of the shitty waiter, doesn't mean the meal is going to be any better. It's still the same chef. And if that chef continues to cook with PinkHats and ceremonial bricks, then we as fans might be eating shit for a pretty long time. Even if the new waiter is more to our liking...

But hey, baseball is over. Right? Or maybe that's just here in Massachusetts. Either way, it's time to get down to the business of the real national past times. Making money, and watching football. So let's do that. Besides, we can talk about the MLB playoffs next week. Which should be right around the time the first quirky stories start to leak out about Bobby V. Likely somethin' about how he used to sacrifice goats in the locker room and dance around naked and covered in their blood. Yeah, should be good times. No city can run a man out of town quite like Boston, and I for one am very much looking forward to the fallout. But again, that's for another day. For today, let's pick some winners...

Wednesday, October 03, 2012

Crowning Achievement?


Mmmmm Christina Hendricks. Not sure what it is about her, but she just does it for me. OK, I'm 100% sure what it is about her, but there's no need to be obviously crude and superficial. Let's jugs say it's because she's an attractive star of what I consider the breast show on TV, and leave it at that...

But enough about my bosom buddy. I've got a list of topics to get to, and not much time in which to get them down on the 'ole virtual paper. So let's get to it...

Friday, September 28, 2012

NFL Week 4 Picks: Scabs Leave Scars...


Well, it seems the NFL decided to throw us a bone. The real refs are back in action, and the NFL season can continue on as planned. And while I'm grateful that Roger Goodell finally saw it in his wisdom to settle the deal with the locked out refs, I've also officially put the league and it's power structure on notice. Labor issues are one thing, but arrogance is another. Even in "letting" the regular referees come back to work, this whole situation has shown just what an arrogant bastard the NFL can be. And while it's perfectly fine to be arrogant once in a while, make a habit of it and you're sure to alienate all but the suckers and Teds. Case in point, the currently locked out NHL...

OK, NHL fans, maybe that was a low blow. But seriously. How can you support a league that at any given moment sees it fit to cancel entire seasons and lock out their players? Not to mention a league where everyone with two eyes can tell it's overextended, and where all the top players agree the dimensions of the playing surface aren't where they should be? Sorry, I know I've spewed this all before. It's just that these petty issues really piss me off. Especially when it becomes obvious that a league is no longer out to serve it's fans, but to make as much money as humanly possible. I know it's a business, and making money is great, but when it comes to the business of sport, these leagues need to stop making it their #1 priority. It should be #3. Right behind entertaining the fans and, in the case of individual teams, putting a winning product on the field. Nobody expects you to operate at a loss merely to meet goals # 1 & 2, but there's a happy medium there that most owners and leagues need to do a better job of trying to find. This situation with the NFL refs being the latest example of that lack of effort...

Yeah, that utopia oh which I speak has undoubtedly passed us by. It it ever existed at all. But I can still dream, can't I? And so can you. Dream about making back all that money I lost you last week, that is. Let's get down to picking winners. Because I'll be damned if I'm gonna be the only one not making some money out of this thing...

Enjoy...

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Intentional Grounding...


Is there anything more to say that hasn't already been said about the incompetence of the replacement refs? OR how about the blatant arrogance the "Goodell Castro" and the NFL have employed by refusing to even acknowledge that there's a real problem? No? Well, OK then. Makes my job this week rather simple. And as a man of my word, this will be the last time, barring a settlement, that you will hear me talk about the replacement refs and the reasons why they've been forced into action. Why? Because I don't feed negative hype machines. At least I don't go out of my way to feed negative hype machines. The NFL wants to piss on our heads and tell us it's raining? Fine. It's raining. I mean, what else can you say? Everyone knows that their refusal to pay the "real refs" is the reason why this inferior product is being put on the field. But if they want to treat us like idiots, fine. I for one, will act like one. And in acting like one, I will refuse to acknowledge that there is any sort of problem from this point forward. What? It sure looked like Golden Tate caught that ball to me...


I know, my indifference makes it sound like I've given up. But I haven't. I just know that my talking about the problem can only help feed the negative hype that the NFL seems more than happy to have created. So I just won't do it. Eventually, such indifference will cause me to stop respecting and watching the league all together, like I did with the NHL. But for now, it's just a strike against a league that may be showing us all that's it's risen to high too fast, and isn't fully prepared to deal with the pressures and responsibilities that come with being the most important sport in the country...

I will continue to pick games, though. Although after last week, I'm not sure you going to want to hear me talking about any of that, either. Even if I was able to bail myself out on Monday Night. Yeah, did you hear? Golden Tate made an amazing game winning catch in the end zone...

NFL Picks
Last Week: 9-9-0

Overall: 29-23-2 (.556)

Twitter Picks: 6-1-0

NCAA Picks
Last Week: 7-4-0

Overall: 18-15-0 (.545)


For more picks, check back on Friday. And for the Thursday night game, be sure to check Twitter. If you're still not on Twitter, not only are you missing my picks, but you're missing probably the funniest moments from the replacement ref fiasco. And even though I've said it many times before, it's worth saying again. At this point, if you're a real sports fan and you're not on Twitter, then the first half of that sentence probably isn't actually true...

Get your tweet on, friends. And I'll catch you Friday...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, September 21, 2012

NFL Week 3 Picks: Smokin' Jay & The Nigerian Nightmare


So, were you victimized last night by someone in your fantasy league that started Andre Brown or Ramses Barden? No? Well, neither was I. And while I may have volunteered that "no" for the vast majority, I'm sure there are still plenty of you out there that are damming your bad luck and could use a boost to you're suddenly bleak weekend outlook. Well, I'm here to abide. I may have told you the wrong Giants running back to draft for your fantasy squad (damn you, David Wilson), but there's nothing Tom Coughlin can do to prevent me from picking winners. At least not yet. So let's take advantage of that together, and add a 3rd straight winning weekend to what's already been an extremely profitable campaign...

Enjoy...

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Let Them Smoke Cake...


I know it's only a matter of time before these rat bastards screw me in a way that's only legal in the hills of West Virginia, but I'm a fan of the NFL replacement refs. OK, that's probably not entirely accurate. But I am a fan of the on field chaos their presence has created. What was it that Steve Young said in his criticism of the NFL not being able to come to terms with the "regular" refs? Let them eat cake? Well, I love delicious cake. And truth be told, I love it when entertainment entities are exposed for the cold and calculating businesses that we all like to forget that they actually are...

It's a rather high and mighty position to take, I know, but I think it's my love of Quiz Show and it's message of profit over product integrity that allows me this odd sort of self satisfaction. Naturally, I'd rather the regular refs be out there doin' their thing like the rest of you, but a pulling aside of the proverbial curtain can be just as good. The NFL. A multi-billion dollar business. Is knowingly putting an inferior product on it's fields for what amounts to a few thousand dollars. It would be like me deciding that I didn't want to cave in to the high prices proposed by the toilet paper industry, and instead insisted on using the leaves I found in my yard. And then, trying to convince my house guests that the leaves were just as good, when they had the ravaged backsides and common sense to prove I was wrong...

And I'd be able to truly laugh all of this off, as I'm pretending to do, if there weren't such a current and ominous example of what this type of business practice can do to a professional sports league. Yep, I'm talking about the currently locked out NHL. An organization that has time and again shown that it's not a bad business practice to treat your fans like idiots, because they will ALWAYS continue to come back for more. Their fans are like addicts whom they know will come back to get their fix no matter how much you cut it, water it down and jack up the price. And while I'm not suggesting you boycott the NFL as I long ago chose to do with the NHL, I am suggesting that you count this as a strike in your theoretical "at bat" with the NFL. Take a "fool me once" approach, if you will. Because if you allow your drug dealer of choice to continue slipping baking soda into your stash, one day you're gonna realize you're just smoking cake mix. And nobody likes smoking cake mix. After all, delicious cake is meant to be eaten...


Friday, I'll have my picks for the weekend, so be sure to check in. I'll also have my picks for the Thursday night game on Twitter, which as indicated below are probably the picks you're really going to want to keep an eye on.  So be sure to sign up and follow...

NFL Picks
Last Week: 10-7-1

Season: 19-13-2 (.588)

Twitter Picks: 5-1-0

NCAA Picks
Last Week: 4-6-0

Season: 11-11-0 (.500)


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, September 14, 2012

NFL Week 2 Picks: RG-Double D


So, did you follow me on Twitter and get last night's picks? No? Well then you missed out on me suggesting you take the Packers (-5) and the UNDER (51). You also missed me passing on solid information as to why the NHL fans are that league's own biggest enemy and my cracking wise about Jon Hamm and Larry David at the Red Sox game. Yup, that twitter is a magical place. And at the risk of spoiling that magical playground, I still suggest you get on board...

Now, let's get back to regular Interweb for a minute or two, and get to the business of breaking down what should predictably be another fantastic weekend full of football action...

Oh, and as for the busty Redskins cheerleader? She's just a busty Redskins cheerleader. My gift to you. It also provided for my lazily appropriate title. Two birds with one stone, baby. Or, as the case may be. Two massive stones that are apparently struggling for air...

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

"His momma call him Griffin, I'm a call him Griffin!"


Week 1 in the NFL has come and gone, and before week 2 gets going in just over 24 hours, I've got a few comments and observations on what we all took in over the weekend. Here are said comments in list form for your reading pleasure...


*Are the replacement refs noticeably worse than the regular refs? Yes. Does anyone really care? Nope. And they won't until one of those scab bastards personally costs them a fantasy football game. All refs make mistakes. Granted, these guys make a few more, but all that does is add another reason for fans like us to complain about "unfairness". Speaking for sports fans everywhere, "we love that shit". So carry on. And unlimited timeouts for everyone!...until you screw my team. At which point I will be out for blood...



*Robert Griffin III had the most impressive debut for a rookie QB since Cam Newton...last year. Either way, RG3, whose nickname prompted WEEI in Boston host, Michael Holley, to echo the famous line from Coming To America for which I've named this post, impressively announced his presence with authority and immediately had every analyst worth their mind altering bath salts asking this question: "Was Griffin a better pick than Andrew Luck?" The answer? It's easy. The answer is: Anyone asking those questions after just 1 game are about as smart as they likely are athletic and void of a high cholesterol count. It's one game, people. They're both still young, and they're both probably going to eventually be really good. After all: The children, they are our the future. Teach them well, and let them lead the way. SEXUAL CHOCOLATE!


*Coming away with the most impressive performances of the weekend were definitely the Patriots, Broncos, Ravens and 49ers. If I'm picking potential Super Bowl champs, right now. Those would be my first 4 picks. The Jets? Cowboys? Falcons? Texans? Bears? They all looked good, too. But I'll need to see more from them before I deem their week 1 performance anything more than just "one good week". That's something to keep in mind this week when placing your best, as well. Fact is, over the past 5 seasons only 27% of teams that saw their week 2 line increase after a surprising week 1 performance have gone on to cover that new spread. But that's betting. In real life, 4 teams mentioned off the top are the ones that clearly announced their presence as contenders on opening weekend. They'd be teams that, come December, I'd be shocked if we're not watching them battle it out for the top spots in their respective conferences. Especially Denver. I know some were waiting to see just how healthy Peyton Manning was, but I think now that he's had a chance to prove himself, the Broncos have immediately become the biggest threat the Patriots in the AFC and an immediate Super Bowl contender...  


*One thing that was blatant during the NFL's annual return to the airwaves was how much better some broadcast teams are than others. Especially the teams rolled out for prime time. The Chris Berman led crew for ESPN? Jon Gurden sans Ron Jaworski? They sound like bad video games. Yeah, we get it. You guys love everyone and enjoy using the most colorful language you have at your disposal. Fantastic. And I get that some of that is part of the job, but like so much of the sports landscape those guys have just become charicatures of what they're supposed to represent. It's to the point where I feel bad for guys like Mike Tirico. Especially Mike Tirico, actually. A pro's pro if there ever was one...

Eye candy is one thing, but what happened to the
women that know their shit?
The only  prime time team I can seem to stomach after week 1 is the NBC pairing of Al Michaels and Chris Collinsworth. They get it. Like their opinions or not, they put on a professional broadcast where at no point do you have a brain fart and think you left your XBox running. Unfortunately for them, NBC's presentation of their broadcast nearly the polar opposite of their professional performances. Between Michelle Beadle being there for apparently no other reason than she's a blonde female, and their analysts looking like they were merely cast to cover every possible demographic, NBC seems more concerned with putting on a "show" where as many people as possible are entertained rather than effectively presenting a professional football game...


I suppose it's just another example of my continual beef with the "PinkHat-ization" of sports. A direct descendant of the "participation trophy". Remember those? Win or lose, you got a trophy or a ribbon just for showing up. That's what NBC and all of these prime time broadcasts are trying to do. They want everyone to feel good. They want to please as many people as possible, so they just water down product in order to put everyone on the same level. It's not what the real fans deserve, and since we all know they can still make advertising dollars hands over fist by simply targeting their main demographic, it just comes off as greedy...

I know I'm basically talking to a wall, as they're making too much money to even think they have to change their product. But I just want them to know that I'm on to their games, and that I won't be prominently presenting the "MNF PARTICIPANT" ribbon that I'm sure as we speak it's finding it's way to my mailbox...


And in closing, since I apologized on Friday for suggesting you draft David Wilson, I'm going to take credit now for suggesting you draft Julio Jones, Stevan Ridley, Alfred Morris and Joe Flacco. It ended up being a successful week across all fantasy platforms, as my draft picks and record below will suggest, and I've already shaken any feelings that this season might be falling under any sort of karmic cloud. That may change when Mike Shannahan decides to bench Morris in favor of some crack head he saw running from the cops on his way through DC, however. Which is why I'm seizing this opportunity, right now. Hopefully, my bragging and told-you-so-ing will become a weekly occurrence. But just in case the phrase "Damn, that dealer reminds me a young Clinton Portis!" is still yet to be uttered, I'll pat myself on the back now while I can...    

NFL Picks: 9-6-1 (.594)

NCAA Top 25 Picks: 7-5-0 (.583)


Check back Friday for my complete list of picks for the weekend, and keep an eye out tomorrow on Twitter (@RoochNation) for my Packers/Bears pick. I'm likely too lazy to do a post just for that game, so I'll have my pick there. Oh, and if you pride yourself on making informed picks and keeping up to snuff on the comings and goings of fantasy but your still NOT on Twitter. Then you really need to stop priding yourself on making informed picks and keeping up to snuff on the comings and goings of fantasy. OR just join Twitter. That way your pride won't take a hit, and you'll have yet another outlet in which you can enjoy my hilarious and informative musings. I know, it sounds to good to be true. But go ahead and sign up. I assure you, it's not...

Enjoy your week, friends...

Teddy Williams...
100...

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