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Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thanksgiving Picks: Legs, Breasts, Thighs & Picks...


Happy Thanksgiving, friends.  If you recognize the picture above, of a cartoon pilgrim dog being sexed up be some Indian strippers, well it's because I used it last year.  And to be honest, I'm probably going to be using it every year around this time until it disappears from the Interweb (unlikely), or when my stream of digital opinions finally come to an end (even more unlikely).  But no matter which picture I choose to use, you can depend on me bringing you the gambling advice you need to make sure that the awkward moments with your relatives at least turn into profitable ones.  So good luck, friends, and here's to wishing you all a very Merry Thanksgiving.  What?  Can't use Merry?  Merry's just as acceptable a word as Happy, is it not?  Well, whatever.  Gobble gobble then, my damies.  And enjoy...    

The 'Harbaugh Bowl' should serve as the perfect dessert...
Thanksgiving Picks
Detroit Lions (+6) vs Green Bay Packers

I've been saying it all season long: The Packers are clearly the best team in football, they're just not going to go undefeated.  A short week, on the road, and against a divisional rival that hasn't seen a game this big in their unremarkable history?  Sounds like as good a time as any, if you ask me.  So, if you're feelin' bold this Thanksgiving, take the Lions for the win, but if you're just feelin' savvy, take the Pack to win, and Detroit with the points...

Got Bush?
Dallas Cowboys (-7) vs Miami Dolphins

The Phins have been playin' real well of late, but Dallas at home on Thanksgiving is a completely different animal.  Reggie Bush might put on a show for a minute or two, but in the end it'll likely be a lot of Tony Romo, and a lot of Dallas Cowboys running in open spaces to pay dirt...

Oh and make sure you listen closely to all the trash talking in this one.  I've already heard some pretty clever things being said to Reggie Bush in the aftermath of a few of his runs now that he and the infamously idiotic, Kim Kardashian, are now seemingly back together.  I'm tellin' ya, just listen for the words "ass" and "little girl".  You'll hear 'em.  (Those NFLer's are nothing else if hilariously ruthless)  And when you do, feel free to fill in the blanks as you see fit.  The more demeaning and vulgar your comments, the closer to the truth you most likely are...   

Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) vs San Francisco 49ers + OVER 37.5

It's 'The Harbaugh Bowl', and I'm likin' John to hold court and deliver a Baltimore win.  Jim may be the new king of NorCal football, but in a game that's loaded with familiarity, I'll take the home team every time.  I've also read some things that seem to indicate that the OVER 37.5 is a solid play, too.  Don't ask me why or how, but there are a bunch of numbers that support it, even if we're all fairly certain the final score of this thing is gonna be somewhere in the neighborhood of 13-10...


Last Week: 9-5-2

Overall: 108-78-4 (.580)


Thighs, legs, breasts.  Apparently I've been celebrating Thanksgiving all year long when it comes to my college picks.  I've also been consistent with my penchant for picking timely upsets, and this week should be no different.  There are  a lot of dogs that I like to put up a fight this week, and here's to hoping that going out on those limbs won't end up making me look like a giant turkey.  Right?  Turkey?  You get it?  Yeah, you get it.  Although the longer you look at these photos, the more likely you're to have "stuffing" on the brain than you are turkey... 

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(3) Arkansas (+12.5) @ (1) LSU

Auburn (+21) vs (2) Alabama

(4) Stanford (-7) vs (22) Notre Dame

(24) Virginia (+4.5) vs (6) Virginia Tech

Wyoming (+33.5) @ (7) Boise St.

Tulsa (+3) vs (8) Houston

(9) Oregon (-28) vs Oregon St.

(10) USC (-13.5) vs UCLA

Northwestern (+6.5) vs (11) Michigan St.

(12) Oklahoma (-28) vs Iowa St.

(13) Georgia (-6) @ (25) Georgia Tech

(14) South Carolina (-3.5) vs (18) Clemson

(20) Penn St. (+14.5) @ (15) Wisconsin

(17) Michigan (-7) vs Ohio St.

(22) Nebraska (-9.5) vs Iowa


Last Week: 9-3-0

Overall: 88-40-2 (.685)


So again, Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and here's to hoping your day goes off without a hitch.  And let Tila Tequila meets Brooke Burke up there serve as a reminder that, when you hear from me next (or sooner rather than later) I'll make sure to touch on the Sox.  Not "touch" like Sandusky, but I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about.  Just imagine, Sandusky would rather shower with a little boy than try to figure out if what we're dealing with above is white meat, dark meat, or just some hybrid stripper meat that you shouldn't swallow without a chaser of bleach.  Boggles the mind, doesn't it?  Just boggles the freakin' mind...

Gobble gobble, my damies.  And have a nice, long, and profitable weekend.  Oh, and try not to kill any of your relatives...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Week 11 Picks: A Fine Example...


Last week, it was Penn St. football.  This week, it's Syracuse basketball?! Oh dear...

Yep, longtime Jim Boeheim assistant, Bernie Fine, is the latest to be labeled a child molester, accused by 2 former ball boys for sexually abusing them for more or less the last 30 years.  And while I'm in a terrible position to try to defend Fine right now (Syracuse affiliation, etc.), there are already a myriad of signs that seem to indicate that what we're NOT dealing with here, is another Jerry Sandusky...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Week 10 Picks: Mea JoePa...


Culpability.  That's what's at the crux of the Jerry Sandusky kid diddling scandal at Penn St.  You believe Joe Paterno knew, or you don't.  Either way, you have to submit to the fact that the man that was at the head of a college football empire for 46 years, and therefore must be held responsible for a massive institutional failure that occurred under under his watch.  He's culpable.  It's like the famous line from Spiderman.  "With great power, comes great responsibility."  JoePa had the power, he had the responsibility, and the fact is, he didn't do enough with either.  That's why he was fired, and that's why he'll always be remembered just as much for his accomplishments on the field, as he will be his disgraceful and untimely exit from the program his identity had come to define...

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Frank Reynolds' Little PinkHats...


I'm not sure what's more embarrassing.  The Patriots performance on Sunday, the Patriots fans performance on Sunday, or the kid diddling scandal that's currently unfolding at Penn St.  OK, it's obviously the kid diddling (apparently that sick bastard, Jerry Sandusky didn't listen to Frank Reynolds), but it's the Pats fans, and not their performance, that come in second on that list, and it's not even close...

Friday, November 04, 2011

Week 9 Picks: Unguarded? Try Unimpressed...

So, I watched ESPN's Unguarded on Tuesday, and per usual, I've got an unpopular opinion in regards to how I felt it went.  To put it simply, I'm far removed from being impressed by recovering addicts, no matter how hard and far they may have fallen, and I'm not nearly naive enough to believe that, at 32, former Durfee star, Chris Herren, has actually beaten his addictions and should serve as an inspiration to anyone that hopes to grow up healthy and contribute to society...

I know, it's a rather dark take on what was supposed to be an inspirational story, but I just can't find any reason to sympathize or even empathize with Herren.  He was an amazingly talented basketball player, who multiple times threw his career away because of drugs.  OK, sucks for him, but I don't really see how it's that impressive of a tale.  Dude's been clinically dead twice, and we're supposed to be impressed that he's out telling kids to stay off drugs?  He's just a lucky bastard, and matter of fact, if he were doing anything other than what he's doing, I'd say he were just a flat out awful person.  Again, dude died twice.  There are only two ways to go from there.  Either OD again, and die for real, or clean up your act.  Props to him for choosing the latter, but it's still way too soon to say he's achieved anything, and to flaunt his exploits as some example of triumph over adversity just sort of makes me chuckle...

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Interesting Times...


Lemme tell ya.  It may be unseasonably frigid out there, but there's nothing cold these days about both the local and nationals sports scenes.  Yup, written like a true 8th grade newspaper editor, right there.  Annnnnd boom goes the dynamite...

No, but really, between the Sox searching for a new skipper and positioning themselves for free agency, and the Patriots making news for all the wrong reasons both on and off the field, there's plenty to talk about, and a lot of legitimate discussions to be had.  And I'm not talking about the ones that involve Belichick being fired or Kevin Millar managing the Red Sox from atop some sort of massive horse, looking like the bastard son of Jeff Spiccoli and the Marlboro Man, with Jerry Remy riding next to him on a tiny donkey.  Hilarious notions, but about as realistic as...well as that donkey situation I mentioned with Jerry Remy.  Uh, Rem Dog.  I don't think you're supposed to feed those things cigarette filters...

The Patriot defense is still coming up short...
No, there are plenty of topics, from why can't Belichick put a decent defense together, to who the Red Sox decide to keep and let go, that should keep the rumor mills churning and the talking heads talking straight through to the New Year.  Not exactly for the most inspiring reasons, but it should certainly make for some inspirational, if not entertaining, discussions around the campfire, the water cooler, and off course the deliciously prepared turkey and stuffing...

Hey, the man said "may you live in interesting times", right?  And that we do.  And once the full weight of college basketball is thrown back into the mix, it'll go from interesting to straight up magical.  An historically interesting Red Sox off season, the 2nd half of an NFL season, college hoops with Cuse in the top 5, and a full Winter without and NBA or hockey talk?!?  IT really is the most wonderful time of the year!  Now I finally realize what he Hell Bing Crosby was so excited about.  OR was that Perry Cuomo?  Whatever, it was one of those dead crooners...

Oh, and I know I may be laughing alone, but it's hysterical how short of a time it took for the Bruins PinkHats to jump ship.  The team certainly isn't doing them any favors with their horrific start, but it really is a pathetic display.  By the fans, that is.  Those loyal, die hard Bruins fans.  Funny, I haven't run into any of those lately.  Oh right, probably because it's not May yet...

But that's enough hating on Bruin fan for today.  Not like they're paying attention, anyway...

#WINNING
Seem like I wasn't paying attention when I made my picks on Friday, but rest assured I'll bounce back strong with a solid performance in week 9.  Not sure how, yet, seeing as that's what I tried to do there in week 8, but trust me when I tell you I'm workin' on a solution.  A solution that, at least on the college side of things, will probably involve a half naked girl from LSU.  What?  If it ain't broke, right?  Pretty sure a man said that too, at some point...

NFL Picks
Last Week: 6-9-0

Overall: 79-61-4 (.563)

NCAA Picks
Last Week: 5-8-1

Overall: 63-34-1 (.648)


What? No good?
Oh and farewell to Tony La Russa, who retired yesterday just after winning his 3rd World Series title in his 33 year career.  He may have looked like Livia Soprano at his retirement press conference, and the news media may have been treating the story like he died, but that doesn't take away from the fact that he was a great manager, and baseball is a better place for having had him be a part of it.  I grew up on La Russa's A's teams, and he along with Bobby Cox were the first managers whose names and faces I actually knew.  He'll always hold a special place in my baseball memory because of that, and for that I'll be forever grateful.  I'll also probably never forget the time I suggested in my blog that he and Ron Washington were going to meet together at 2 AM in an Arby's parking lot to do drugs and defecate, either.  So for that, I'm am also forever grateful...

Good luck, Tony, and we'll be seeing you soon.  Ya know, when you make TMZ & ESPN.com for getting another DUI.  Remember, "EL-EM-EN-OH".  It's like a funny word, and it has "P" after it.  Don't pee when you say it, though, because from what I've seen on TV, cops don't take too kindly to that sort of thing...

See ya Friday, friends...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>