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Friday, September 30, 2011

Week 4 Picks: Some Prenuptial Perspective...


Well, my friends.  I'm off to Long Island for the weekend, to attend the wedding of my good friend, Ian Hanbach.  Like, I'm literally about to walk out the door.  Which means I don't have a ton of time to spend this week verbalizing the reasoning behind my weekly picks.  Granted, I usually just use that time to somehow tie in jokes about transvestites, Meth & Kevin Pittsnogle, but either way, this week that's time I just don't have.  I'm not hanging you out to dry, though.  I've still got the advice that will help you towards a very fruitful weekend.  Or, at least, I'll make sure you have a better weekend than Terr Francona.  A low bar, perhaps, buy you have to start somewhere, and I have to touch on the fact that the head coach of the Red Sox could be fired at any minute, so here we are.  Two birds, one stone, and a bunch of football picks...

Good luck this weekend, kids.  And enjoy...

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Week 3 Recap: Sox, Pats Not as Money as the Movie...


Quite the eventful weekend, here in Rooch Nation.  Saw a movie about a team with no money that when on an epic winning streak, while at the same time watching another team, with a ton of money, continue to perform an equally epic collapse.  I guess you could say, it was an interesting study in contrasts.  And by "interesting", I mean I don't think at this point even I want the Red Sox to make the playoffs anymore...

That, and I'll touch on the Patriots.  Maybe some other stuff, too, if time permits...

Friday, September 23, 2011

Week 3 Picks: The Fitzbook

So, has the new Facebook format got you down?  Wondering how it is you can switch things back to the way they used to be?  Well, I've got just what you're looking for.  No, I don't know how to switch your news feed back to the way it once was (pretty sure you can't), and I'm not sure why a site that's user base is often lauding it's efficient simplicity ("No Disneyland, no LIVE nude girls" The Social Network) would want to perform such a massive aesthetic overhaul, but I can offer you this:  A respite from it all, and a chance to make some money...

Yep, for those of you that came here thinking I'd be able to help you restore the order of your social network, you've been had.  I just know that so many people are addicted to the freakin' site, and upset about it's changes, that I'd probably garner at least 100 more hits for this post if I just feigned that I had some sort of solution to the problem.  Which at this point it should be painfully obvious, that I do not.  I am going to work Mark Zuckerberg into my NFL picks this week, though, so I guess it's not all for not...

Oh, and for what it's worth, I'm guessing that people will eventually come around to this new format on Facebook.  For one, because like I said before, people are just flat out addicted.  But also because it seems to be bringing a lot more "Twitter" elements to the table in the form of it's new Ticker.  A feature I think people are going to quickly realized they are very pumped for, no matter how distracting it currently is.  When Facebook buys Twitter, that will suck, because then all the Teds that've been ripping Twitter this whole time will start abusing and misusing it the same way they do Facebook.  But that's a different worry for a different day...

For now, all you should be worried about is where your money is going to land this weekend, and why.  Those answers, I've got for you in spades, as we put "Zuckerberg's Famous Pig" in our rear view, and go headlong into this week's picks...

Enjoy...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Week 2 Recap: Some Premature Evaluations...


If we're to believe the old adage that "actions speak louder than words", then the following statements must be true.  Carl Crawford's not sorry for his performance, Chad Ochocinco is, The Big East may have seen it's last days, and Boston Bruin supporters may have possibly reached the the pole position for the most hypocritical fan base in all of sports...

I'll have an explanation of all that,  a few notes from around the NFL (or maybe just Foxboro), and a numerical reminder to you all at how good I am at picking football games against the spread.  So get to readin' pimps, before big Vince tracks you down.  Just had to mention that so I could use that picture.  Too good...

Friday, September 16, 2011

Week 2 NFL Picks: Don't Hate the Tweeter..


You know what's awesome?  Twitter.  And you know why?  Because it creates stories where there weren't any stories before.  And for someone like yours truly, the more stories, the better.  Problem is, is that with so many stories being floated around on Twitter, and so many athletes now using the medium to speak their minds at an ever increasing rate, it gets tougher to tell what's worthy of reporting and reacting to, and what's not...

That, my friends, is where Tedy Bruschi ran into some trouble, this week.  He took a tweet from Chad Ochocinco, talking about how in awe he was after his first regular season glimpse of the Patriots' offense, and Tedy jumped all over him for being unprepared, too talkative, and  for not handling his business in the "Patriot Way".  Well, Tedy, I hate to break it yo ya, but I'm pretty sure the problem with this whole issue is completely on your end.  Sure, I'll admit that Chad hasn't exactly been the player a lot of people expected when he was first signed, but the comment he made on Twitter by no means warranted the shit storm that Bruschi single-handedly decided to bring down on him.  And to be honest, I have to think a lot of Tedy's anger either comes from A) the fact that he's jealous he can no longer play, and can't stand seeing a Patriot act any other way than the way he acted when he played there OR B) He's got issues going on in his personal life that just led him to find someone he could easily put down to make himself feel better.  I tend to believe it's more "A" than anything else, but whatever the reason, I'm of the opinion that Bruschi's intent was a little less than genuine when he ultimately decided he wanted to go down this road...

Hey, Chad's an outspoken and entertainment-minded guy.  The Patriots knew this when they WENT OUT AND ACQUIRED him.  It's just who he is.  And while I'm sure Belichick and friends expected him to reign in his act somewhat once he arrived in Foxboro, I was never under the impression that muzzling him is what they had in mind.  And that's what Tedy seems to want.  He wants Chad to shut up, learn the playbook, and start doing things the "Patriot Way".  Me?  I just want the guy to help the team win the Super Bowl without serving as a distraction.  And as long as former Patriots stop unnecessarily throwing him onto the front pages, I think that's exactly what he'll be able to do.  Obviously not to the extent a lot of people had hoped (I for one only predicted about 40 catches), but probably more than he was able to deliver in his week 1 debut...
#throwmethebean

I'm not saying "get off his back", I'm just saying that if you're gonna get on him for something, make sure it's worth while.  Otherwise, as is usually the case, it's the messenger that will end up looking like the fool.  And in this instance, Tedy Bruschi, as much as it pains me to say it, that messenger is you, and your reaction was just flat out foolish...

But that's why Twitter is so great.  There wasn't a story, Twitter created one, and I was able to use that fabricated non-event as a nice little lead in to this week's post.  It's like the Interweb is some sort of ecosystem, and I'm the vulture left to clean up the scraps from the vicious predators above me on the food chain.  And thankfully for me, these predators aren't nearly as proficient as their animal kingdom counterparts, leaving me all the more to pick and prod at as I try to for my opinion...

Speaking of picking and prodding, the reason I'm sure you've all ventured here, this lovely Friday, is for my latest batch of picks.  You want money, you wanna look smart, you wanna be the lion on this football food chain, and I'm here to help.  So hakuna matata, my friends.  IT means "no worries", and you can drop yours at the door as you take a look at the picks that are sure to make you the pride of...well, of your "pride", if I'm really gonna go all the way with that metaphor.  An seeing as I already quoted the Lion King, I think that's exactly what I have to do...

Enjoy, my friends.  Now let's get rich...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Week 1 Recap: LIVE From the Woodshed...


You know how I know it was week 1?  Because I got taken to the woodshed in virtually every football related thing I attempted to do.  Picks, fantasy stuff, it was all pretty much for naught, as yet another week 1 announced it's presence to me, as it usually does, with a nice cold hard dose of reality smacked right upside my well structured face.  Even screwed with my beginnings of a beard  But I'm not sweatin' it...

After all, this is what happens every year, and every year I find a way to ultimately end up crushing my competition, and helping my clientele.  It just tends to take some time.  As the saying goes, "Rome wasn't built in a day".  I'm also fond of the saying, "I came to chew gum and kick ass, and I'm out of gum", but I'll deal with that later in the week when I get to righting the ship with my latest batch of picks.  For now, let's hit up some news and notes from the weekend.  It was, after all, a rather glorious return to the sport we love.  Even if, more often than not, it tends to treat us like it's bottom bitch...

So let's get to pimpin'...

Friday, September 09, 2011

NFL Week 1 Picks: Son of a Meach...


Well, my friends.  Football is finally back.  And if last night were any indication, we're going to be in for another typically epic season.  Aaron Rodgers (though no longer my personal fantasy mans 'n them) and Drew Brees didn't take long to remind us of what we'd been missing, and I got my fantasy campaign started in style with a Robert Meachem touchdown...which led to what will no doubt be a season long exercise in coming up with hilarious fantasy team names based around his name.  "Hot for Meacher", "Meaches & Herb", and the Rhode Island friendly "Side by Meach" are the early front runners...

Not exactly inspiring...
Last night also indicated that the Red Sox might be in for an equally epic stretch run, but unfortunately that's looking like it could be epic for all the wrong reasons.  No time for that today, though.  Because while the Sox may be stumbling, it's football that's on every one's mind, and I'm here to feed the need with the season's first edition of my weekly picks...


Now, in years past, I've usually done an NFL preview in advance of my weekly picks, but in lieu of time, and considering the fact that I've now become a person who essentially despises pre season predictions (making decisions without any real evidence just isn't my bag), I've opted for a "Power Rankings" type of write up, complete with the pick and a sentence or two (or 5) about the teams involved.  Lazy?  Perhaps.  But user friendly?  You bet your beard it is...

So get your pens out, kids, or whatever implement it is you use to mark down your picks, cuz we're about to dive headlong into another exciting NFL season.  And your man here is ready to give you all the winners that'll sure to keep you walkin' tall around the Keurig machine come Monday morning.  That's right, it's the new water cooler.  Or the water cooler for yuppies, if you will....

Whatever your beverage of choice, you'll be drinkin' it with a smile on your face.  Here's to hopin' we'll be smiling together, and you just won't be smiling at my pitiful performance.  Know what I mean, Meaches 'n Cream?...

Enjoy...

Friday, September 02, 2011

Sox, Pats, and the Value of Verlander...


Apparently, all it takes to get me back in the groove, is a major hurricane romping up and down the East Coast...and a Sox/Yanks series, a spirited fantasy football draft, and an even more spirited discussion during said draft, about a certain baseball award.  Yep, you're man is back in top form, and he's ready to preach the truth.  And it's not like the truth those Jehovah's Witness's have been pedaling around the greater Attleboro area, this past week.  Trying to pray on people that don't have power, those tricky, self righteous bastards.  No, it's the real truth.  Or, ya know, at least my version of it...

So, friends.  You gotta ask yourself.  Are you ready for the coming of Rooch Nation?  I'm sure you are.  But even if you're not, take a spin through my latest gospel and I'm sure I'll have made you a convert before the sermon is through...

Now get your read on, my followers, because the last thing you want is to not be prepared when the man comes to pass judgement on you.  And I think we all know that I'll be coming to pass judgement.  After all, it's what I do best...

Enjoy...