Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thanksgiving Picks: Legs, Breasts, Thighs & Picks...

Happy Thanksgiving, friends.  If you recognize the picture above, of a cartoon pilgrim dog being sexed up be some Indian strippers, well it's because I used it last year.  And to be honest, I'm probably going to be using it every year around this time until it disappears from the Interweb (unlikely), or when my stream of digital opinions finally come to an end (even more unlikely).  But no matter which picture I choose to use, you can depend on me bringing you the gambling advice you need to make sure that the awkward moments with your relatives at least turn into profitable ones.  So good luck, friends, and here's to wishing you all a very Merry Thanksgiving.  What?  Can't use Merry?  Merry's just as acceptable a word as Happy, is it not?  Well, whatever.  Gobble gobble then, my damies.  And enjoy...    

The 'Harbaugh Bowl' should serve as the perfect dessert...
Thanksgiving Picks
Detroit Lions (+6) vs Green Bay Packers

I've been saying it all season long: The Packers are clearly the best team in football, they're just not going to go undefeated.  A short week, on the road, and against a divisional rival that hasn't seen a game this big in their unremarkable history?  Sounds like as good a time as any, if you ask me.  So, if you're feelin' bold this Thanksgiving, take the Lions for the win, but if you're just feelin' savvy, take the Pack to win, and Detroit with the points...

Got Bush?
Dallas Cowboys (-7) vs Miami Dolphins

The Phins have been playin' real well of late, but Dallas at home on Thanksgiving is a completely different animal.  Reggie Bush might put on a show for a minute or two, but in the end it'll likely be a lot of Tony Romo, and a lot of Dallas Cowboys running in open spaces to pay dirt...

Oh and make sure you listen closely to all the trash talking in this one.  I've already heard some pretty clever things being said to Reggie Bush in the aftermath of a few of his runs now that he and the infamously idiotic, Kim Kardashian, are now seemingly back together.  I'm tellin' ya, just listen for the words "ass" and "little girl".  You'll hear 'em.  (Those NFLer's are nothing else if hilariously ruthless)  And when you do, feel free to fill in the blanks as you see fit.  The more demeaning and vulgar your comments, the closer to the truth you most likely are...   

Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) vs San Francisco 49ers + OVER 37.5

It's 'The Harbaugh Bowl', and I'm likin' John to hold court and deliver a Baltimore win.  Jim may be the new king of NorCal football, but in a game that's loaded with familiarity, I'll take the home team every time.  I've also read some things that seem to indicate that the OVER 37.5 is a solid play, too.  Don't ask me why or how, but there are a bunch of numbers that support it, even if we're all fairly certain the final score of this thing is gonna be somewhere in the neighborhood of 13-10...

Last Week: 9-5-2

Overall: 108-78-4 (.580)

Thighs, legs, breasts.  Apparently I've been celebrating Thanksgiving all year long when it comes to my college picks.  I've also been consistent with my penchant for picking timely upsets, and this week should be no different.  There are  a lot of dogs that I like to put up a fight this week, and here's to hoping that going out on those limbs won't end up making me look like a giant turkey.  Right?  Turkey?  You get it?  Yeah, you get it.  Although the longer you look at these photos, the more likely you're to have "stuffing" on the brain than you are turkey... 

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(3) Arkansas (+12.5) @ (1) LSU

Auburn (+21) vs (2) Alabama

(4) Stanford (-7) vs (22) Notre Dame

(24) Virginia (+4.5) vs (6) Virginia Tech

Wyoming (+33.5) @ (7) Boise St.

Tulsa (+3) vs (8) Houston

(9) Oregon (-28) vs Oregon St.

(10) USC (-13.5) vs UCLA

Northwestern (+6.5) vs (11) Michigan St.

(12) Oklahoma (-28) vs Iowa St.

(13) Georgia (-6) @ (25) Georgia Tech

(14) South Carolina (-3.5) vs (18) Clemson

(20) Penn St. (+14.5) @ (15) Wisconsin

(17) Michigan (-7) vs Ohio St.

(22) Nebraska (-9.5) vs Iowa

Last Week: 9-3-0

Overall: 88-40-2 (.685)

So again, Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and here's to hoping your day goes off without a hitch.  And let Tila Tequila meets Brooke Burke up there serve as a reminder that, when you hear from me next (or sooner rather than later) I'll make sure to touch on the Sox.  Not "touch" like Sandusky, but I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about.  Just imagine, Sandusky would rather shower with a little boy than try to figure out if what we're dealing with above is white meat, dark meat, or just some hybrid stripper meat that you shouldn't swallow without a chaser of bleach.  Boggles the mind, doesn't it?  Just boggles the freakin' mind...

Gobble gobble, my damies.  And have a nice, long, and profitable weekend.  Oh, and try not to kill any of your relatives...

Teddy Williams...