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Thursday, June 23, 2011

Red Sox Update: Barber, Bulger & 'You Might Be a PinkHat...'

Thank you all for comin'!
Lemme tell ya.  IF I had known all it would take to rile up the Nation was a few shots at the Bruins and their bandwagon, then I would have started in on that angle a whole lot sooner!  OH, wait.  You're sayin' there wasn't a bandwagon to mock before now?  Oh, well that's probably why I hadn't done it, yet...

But either way, I was very pleased by the passionate responses I received on my take last week, the morning after they won the Cup, that the Bruins' bandwagon was borderline embarrassing.  From thinly veiled shots at my bachelor status, to comments of agreement and support, it seems that not only were many viewpoints represented, but that the subject matter was one that people were really eager to discuss.  Maybe out of PinkHat paranoia, maybe not, but no matter the reason, that's the kind of response I'm looking to illicit.  Sure, I'd rather have more of you with me, but as long as my message is hitting it's mark, I'll be more than willing to wait as you gradually come around to my way of thinking.  Which you will, I have little doubt.  And if you don't, you'll just be driven to the point where you're so furious with me that you have to check to see what I say on a weekly basis just so you have someone to direct your anger at.  Either way should be good for a few more mouse clicks and an uptick in website revenue, so I'm down.  Just keep the passion comin', that's all I ask.  And I'll make sure to do the same...

This week, while I may have the Bruins in my rear view, I've still got a little PinkHat house cleaning to get to before I discuss the Sox, The US Open, possible MLB re-alignment, and the public lynchings of both Tiki Barber and Whitey Bulger.  Yep, should be a doozy...

So sit back, my friends, get your read on, and enjoy...



Chicks look better in the regular hats, anyway...

The Anatomy of a PinkHat...

I talk about them all the time, but really, what is a PinkHat?  Well, as with most things, it's a matter of opinion.  Here's mine:

A PinkHat (always one word) is a person who claims to be a fan, but gets disproportionately more enjoyment from being a fan and the team's results than they do from watching the team on a consistent basis.  More or less, these are people that celebrate more because they "can", than because they necessarily "want" to.

And it all starts with "claiming to be a fan".  That's why I always laugh at the "what about the casual fan who just wants to celebrate it's local team's success?".  Right, but "casual fans" don't go putting on the front that they're long time, hard core, or legitimate fans.  That, right there, is what separates the PinkHats.  Their obnoxious sense of entitlement...

It has nothing to do with how many games you watch, what stats you know, or what sexual organs you may or may not have.  Maybe that's how the term started, by being a way to point out the influx of women to the Red Sox and Patriots games, but it's evolved into so much more.  Now, if you're a PinkHat, you're just a poser.  A fraud, a phony, a Ted.  You claim to be something you're not, and anyone with half a brain can see right through you.  It's cool, though, because without you Teds, I wouldn't have nearly as much to write about on a weekly basis...

Still not crystal clear?  Well before I move on, here are a few tests you can perform that will let you know if..."You've got a PinkHat on your hands"...
These Teds know what's up...

You might be a PinkHat if...

*...you've ever thought you might be a PinkHat.

*...you can't name at least one of the team's assistant coaches.

*...you can't name the broadcasting team that does your team's games on TV.

*...you're not aware of the schedule/results of @ least 65% of your team's regular season games.

*...you regularly wear a LIVESTRONG bracelet. (OK, maybe not.  But it doesn't help.)

*...you have a dog named after a player that you would probably shoot if you came home and found in your living room.

*...you've never purchased a ticket to a game, but somehow always end up in the 1st 10 rows.


So there ya go.  And remember, all those things only apply if the person in question is masquerading as a big time fan.  Casual fans, I love ya, and believe me when I tell you that you'll never be the object of my ire.  I'm after the PinkHats.  Someone needs to cut those Teds down to size, and make them afraid to show their faces in public...or even on Facebook.  I feel I'm the man for that job.  And now that I've armed you with what to look for, you can help.  It's the Rooch Nation Army.  Out to destroy the PinkHats and preserve the sports world for the common good.  For a mission this large, we're probably even gonna need t-shirts.  You hear that, Frosco?  I'm thinkin' somethin' camo with a silhouette holding a bloody and mangled pink hat in one hand and some sort of firearm in the other.  You know what I mean.  American Gangster style...

Nice.  See?  Without the PinkHats I wouldn't have all these great t-shirt ideas.  So for that, I thank you, you front running Teds...

What happened to his real head, you ask? Why that's what he's reaching for...

Red Sox Update
Overall: 44-30, 1/2 game lead in AL East over NYY

So the Bruins finally clear the airwaves, allowing me to return to listening to my beloved sports talk radio, and what seems to be the topic de jour?  That JD Drew sucks.  Ha!  Didn't take long for things to get back to normal, now did it?  Hahaha, oh man.  It's funny, too.  Because this is the stuff I clamored to get back on the air. Hahaha.  It is great, though, and it even kinda makes sense.  I mean, what else is there to talk about when you're team's cruising along in 1st place?  The one guy that's still sucking, right?  Sure, why the Hell not?  Ahhh, David Jonathan Drew (yup, that's his real name).  The only guy he's ever made look good is Scot Boras...

But enough about that Ted.  Other players are actually playing well, and despite having dropped 2 out of 3 to the last place Padres, the Sox still find themselves perched atop the AL East.  Here are some thoughts and observations from the last few weeks.  Ya know, to get all you Bruin fans back up to speed:

I wish it were, but it's just not worth risk...
*Playing interleague games without a DH can pose a problem for any AL squad (more on that in a minute), and Terry Francona's Red Sox are no exception.  For Tito, the question becomes, "What do you do with a red hot David Ortiz?"  Unfortunately, the answer is you have to sit him for the majority of the NL games, playing him maybe once at 1B and then using him the rest of the time as your primary pinch hitter.  IT sucks, but I'm not trying to chance Adrian Gonzalez running around in the outfield.  Sorry, I don't care if he played there once in a while like 5 years ago.  It's just not worth the risk.  Granted, these games are as important as any in the grand scheme of things, but I'd rather chance playing these handful of games without an optimal offensive lineup than risk having to play the rest of the season without a guy because he pulled his hamstring running down a fly ball.  It's a shitty situation, there's no doubt, but that's the best way to handle it.  It's also the way I'd imagine Tito is going to handle it, too...

You think they're world class athletes and this shouldn't be a problem, but it is.  That's just the way these things work.  Gotta deal with that as "fact", and then move on from there.  Which, ultimately, makes this particular decision that much easier...

6'6" lefty that throws gas? Sure, we'll take a chance...
*Andrew Miller could the the Red Sox pitching answer to Josh Hamilton.  Ya know, without all the heroin.  Miller was a highly touted prospect that many said  had his development stunted when the Tigers rushed him to the majors.  Well, fast forward a few years and a few franchises, and the lanky lefty finally seems to be showing signs that he may hey actually live up to his hype.  Granted he's only shown flashes going 3-3 @ Pawtucket and throwing 5+ innings of quality ball against the Padres, but this kid just has the look of someone that's going to put it all together.  He's in a good situation, now, where he's not considered any sort of savior or the "next big thing", so that's gotta be nice.  And I gotta figure they'll give him time to develop and get him all the way to where he needs to be before they throw him entirely into the fire.  Quite the find, though.  Especially considering the kid was all but left on the scrap heap...

*Buchholz, Crawford, Lowrie.  Injuries.  They're going to happen.  It's only when the team starts to lose that people tend to notice them, though.  Which is how it should be.  So I'll just leave it at that.  If injuries actually become a "problem", I'll look in to ways in which to fix them.  As I'm sure Theo will, too.  But for now, let's just thank our lucky stars that none of the "wrong" guys have been hurt, and that nobody is seriously injured, and get on with our business.  And that business, is winning baseball games.  Needless to say, business has been pretty damn good...

This Week: @ PIT, @ PHI


Soooo Seattle is close to a lot of teams, huh?
MLB Realignment...

I'm sure by now most of you have heard, but to those that haven't, it's being circulated that the powers that be in Major League Baseball are strongly considering a divisional realignment.  A plan that allegedly calls for 2, 15 team leagues to be created, with all 30 teams regularly playing one another.  Slightly radical to my generation, I have to say, but overall I really like it.  Which to be honest, kind of surprised me.  I only like it though, if the one other change is made in the process.  Either all the team's have a DH, or none of the teams have a DH...

Hey, I'm a National League style guy.  I like that it's more strategic, that the coach has more say in the outcome of the game.  I don't "hate" the DH, though.  I just think it's a tad bit outdated.  It was created in a time when there wasn't a lot of offense, and I think it's fair to say, those times have passed.  But either way, I don't care if they keep it or ditch it, they just have to make it universal.  Then, everyone call build their rosters in the same fashion, and there won't constantly be these issues like the one the Red Sox are dealing with now...

And to further my point about the NL, I just think that ridding the Majors of the DH would really make a good hitting pitcher that much more of an asset.  I mean, how did these guys become so miserable at hitting, anyway?  You know they were the best hitter on their high school team, yet now they look hapless?  I know it takes years of practice to master the art of hitting, but there's a difference between being a master and being at least somewhat competent.  See, if they got rid of the DH, then through all levels of baseball they would have to start letting their pitchers hit in order to get them ready for the big leagues.  Better hitting pitchers = better baseball, if you ask me.  And whatever disparity there may be between the pitcher and your typical #9 hitter, will all be made up in the fact that the style of baseball where the pitcher hits is just the more entertaining style of baseball...

So go ahead, MLB.  Get your realignment on.  Just make sure you do it right this time...

I searched for "Johnny Miller Sucks" in Google Images,
and it brought me to this picture....on RoochNation.com. Sweet.
2011 US Open...

Another major, and another rant from me about NBC golf gas bag, Johnny Miller.  Congrats to Rory McIlroy, and everything, but it's freakin' Miller that gets me every time.  Dude just thinks EVERYONE sucks at golf.  He knows every shot that the players should take, knows how every putt is going to react, and seems utterly shocked and disappointed when the players don't do things exactly how he said they should be done.  With Miller, you either do what he says, or you achieve by pure luck.  There's no in between.  And it's just painful to listen to.  We get it, Johnny.  You think you're the man, and that everyone else is lucky to even be able to play.  Fan-freaking-tastic.  But enough, NBC.  Just get this guy off the air, already!  He's the white Joe Morgan of this shit, and it's about time he was given his walking papers...

Oh and as for McIlroy, I think we've all learned our lesson on this one.  Let's see how the kid does over the next year or two.  Then we'll determine if he's the next big thing.  He certainly looks it, but at 22, I figure there's no need to make a rush to judgment.  I know we as sports fans like to build people up real fast and chop them down even faster, but I'm gonna wait on this one.  For all we know, he's just a kid that's had an unreal past 18 months.  Hey, its happened before.  Besides, I want healthy Tiger back before I go making any bold exclamatory statements about the state of professional golf...

But yeah, Johnny Miller sucks.  Fire him, please...


And before I bust loose, here are a few tidbits I didn't have time to get to, but feel you should all be made aware of.  Enjoy...

News and Notes... 

You don't wanna mess with this man before he's had his Diet Coke...
*WFAN in New York's, Mike Francesa verbally undressed Tiki Barber on his show yesterday.  If you haven't heard the audio, check it out here.  Well done, Mike.  Not that someone needed to take a stand on how crappy a broadcaster Tiki Barber was, but good for you for not letting him peddle his BS on your airwaves.  And shame on Tiki.  Not just for being a huge Ted, but for having his agent there on the line with him to protect him like the whiny little punk that he is.  Hey, if he wasn't a Ted before, he's definitely one now.  Teddy Barder.  There ya go...

...and I just guaranteed he'll sign with the Patriots.  Oh, well.  He'll still be Teddy Barber.  And who knows?  Maybe I'll get to see him when he does an "Anne Frank" and moves into Sammy Morris's attic.  Yeah, Tiki.  Cuz Holocaust references usually go over well.  You huge Tedstein...  

Hey Whitey! You like Natrone Means???
*Notorious Boston mobster, James "Whitey" Bulger was finally apprehended this morning in Santa Monica, California, after more than 15 years on the run.  Amazing.  Even more so for me considering that where Whitey was found, near the 3rd St. Promenade, is just 100 feet from an apartment where my sister once lived, and I once visited!  Yeah!  So, long story short, maybe had I not spent so much time debating whether or not to buy a powder blue Natrone Means jersey, and been a little more aware of my surroundings, I could be sitting on a $2 million dollar bounty and I would have most likely been given some sort of honorary award by Duane "Dog" Chapman.  Damn!  IT was all right there in front of me and I just blew it!  Stupid Natrone Means...

Oh well, next time...

And next time to you as well, my dear friends.  Thanks again for stopping by, and feel free to leave me your thoughts on your way out.  Even if they do just involve me "sucking it"...

Have a great weekend, friends.  Summer is here, and it feels so good...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Whitey deserved to go out in a blaze of glory or at least smothered and suffocated by Dog's wifes cans

Brett Ferruccio said...

We all deserve such a noble death.

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