Pages

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

Red Sox Update: You Can Call Him "Little Sammy"...

The Sox are hot again, the Hoodie continues to mystify the "draft experts", and I'm not sure if you heard, but a certain terrorist was brought to justice.  All that and a mutant actor that survives strictly on goat meat and steroids.  Get your read on pimps, and enjoy...


Osama Bin Laden- Family Guy
Tags: Osama Bin Laden- Family Guy

Mission Accomplished...

When I first heard the news that Osama bin Laden had been killed, and learned of way in which his body was disposed, one name immediately began to dominate all of my thoughts.  That name, was Oliver Stone.  And no, I'm not here to promote some sort of conspiracy.  I believe bin Laden is dead, and I believe he was killed by the US Navy Seals within the past 72 hours.  I just also happen to believe both of the following statements, too:

1) The US Government enjoys promoting conspiracy theories about itself

AND

2) They're about as efficient at gathering and producing even the most basic forensic evidence when it comes to high profile killings as the LA Clippers are at grooming lottery picks...

I mean, who's runnin' things over there? Mark Fuhrman?!  OK, I get that it's an uber sensitive matter with a lot of ins, outs, what have yous, and global ramifications, but come on!  To shadily slide the body into some Sea halfway around the world under the cover of nightfall and then rage a debate over whether or not to show the photos of his corpse?  After 10 years of hunting for him?!? You're just asking for conspiracy theories at that point.  Combined all that with the fact that the guy had been living in a mansion for 5+ years next to a military establishment in a country that receives billions in US aid, and the JFK style movie basically writes itself...

Burn in Hell, you rat bastard...
Trust me, I get that nothing would please and appease everyone when it comes to proving that bin Laden is actually dead, but this story is already so full of holes and inconsistencies that it's kind of making it difficult for me to even enjoy the fact that we finally got that bastard.  Which I am pleased about, by the way, if I hadn't already made that perfectly clear.  It's just that I get frustrated when something, especially something of such high importance, seems so cut and dry, but is handled in such an ass backwards way that it not only promotes, but demands public speculation.  It's why, nearly 50 years later, most educated (and I stress educated) adults believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that there was a shooter on the grassy knoll.  I happen to be on almost the complete opposite end of that argument, but due to a door being left open by a piss poor investigation, it allowed Oliver Stone to walk through and persuade people otherwise by using big names and slick production.  A great movie, don't get me wrong, but also a pretty aggressive piece of anti-government propaganda.  Exactly the type of thing you leave yourself open to when you do things in such a shady and inefficient manner...

So like John Wilkes Booth and Lee Harvey Oswald before him, Osama bin Laden can now be listed as a notorious murderer, who died under very public, yet very mysterious circumstances involving the US government.  No conspiracy, but no points for presentation, either.  It's life, I get it, and life is tough.  Making life decisions in real time is tough.  But when it comes to something like this, it's just unfortunate to think that the powers at be didn't have a better plan in place to at least give the appearance that things were being done in a sane and orderly manner.  And who knows, maybe in the coming days they'll come forward with a lot of the answers we're looking for (photos, for one), I just think that the longer the window of doubt stays open, the harder it will be to ever fully close.  How did he really die? How long did we know where he was? Was it really him?  These are questions that with each passing second, become more and more impossible to answer without the appearance of a least a little bit of impropriety.  Mr. Stone, that's your cue...
Dare I say, surrogate mother?

And I don't want you to think all my thoughts on this have gone towards trying to point out where people are screwing up.  Believe me, they're not.  I'm just as happy they killed this fool as the next guy.  I may not have lost anyone I knew during 9/11, but I felt it's impact then and still feel it today.  That attack ushered in a new era of fear, and made the world a different place, and while bin Laden's death doesn't signify the end of that era, it's certainly a tally in the right column.  It's just a shame that such an important victory wasn't better shared with the masses...  

Oh and as for the movie that you just know Oliver Stone is going to make about this, obviously, it'll just be titled, "Osama".  Not so obvious, and news that I'm happy to break here for the first time anywhere, a Rooch Nation exclusive, if you will, is that Stone, in preparation for all this, actually had an actor genetically created for the lead role in early 2002 using the DNA of both Javier Bardem and Adrien Brody.  He's been feeding him nothing but goat meat and Cool Ranch Doritos and having him watch Syriana and Charlie Wilson's War on loop since he brought him home from the lab, and by all accounts, he should be ready for filming by the Fall of 2016.  "Little Sammy", as Oliver has named him, may only be 14 by then, but since they inject that goat meat they feed him with whatever Brian McNamee was shooting up Roger Clemens' ass, he should be ready to go and then some, with a beard so filthy it would make Brian Wilson blush.  And that goes for either Brian Wilson, by the way.  They both had filthy beards at one point or another in their lives...


But speaking of Brian Wilson (the baseball player NOT the Beach Boy), let's move on to a much more pleasant topic, and talk some baseball.  Which thankfully has been a pleasant topic of late, and trends toward being one well into Summer...

This is what Kevin Costner was talking about in Bull Durham...
 
Red Sox Update

We all saw it.  The "At Bat".  Dustin Pedroia, making Angels ace, Jared Weaver, throw him 13 pitches before Petey delivered a clutch hit up the middle.  Just great stuff, and really what baseball is all about.  Now, would I call it a "turning point" of any kind?  Nah, just a really encouraging sign.  I know people don't like the "Y" word, but much like the Yankees, the Sox play their best when they're making pitchers work.  It's the whole Moneyball philosophy of "get the starter out and get to their bullpen".  And while the Sox may have the Angels number, it's good to see them making top line pitchers like Haren and Weaver work.  IT means their offense is coming around to where we all thought it would be before the season began, and it should only be a matter of time before they start putting crooked numbers on the board on a more consistent basis...

Here are a few other notes:

*Without his beard, Bobby Jenks now looks like the world's largest infant.  Unfortunately, he's been pitching like one lately, too. OH!  Also unfortunate, is the fact I couldn't find a good photo to illustrate my point.  Oh well, guess you'll just have to watch the games...

Get this man towards the top of the order already!

*I'm thinkin' Carl Crawford has finally turned the corner (hitting .300 over his last 9 games), now all he needs is a legitimate spot in the lineup.  I don't care how well he's doing in the 8 hole, you can't keep him there and expect to get the production your paying for.  I say, after his next scheduled off day, whenever that may be, you slide him into his new spot in the upper half of the lineup, wherever that may be, and then just leave it until injuries force you to make a move.  This lineup is still lacking that consistency, but getting Crawford to where he should be hitting would go a long way towards correcting that...

*Clay Buchholz still isn't quite there yet, but in showing that good fastball against the Angels on Monday, he too showed that he's turning the corner and should very shortly be right there with Lester and Beckett.  Beckett who, by the way, had his start pushed back and then threw a side session that was monitored by both Terry Francona and Theo Epstein.  Something the two of them usually don't take part in.  Add to that the fact that they're saying there's nothing wrong with Josh at all and well...well, like I said.  If you leave the door open to conspiracies...

This Week: vs LAA (5/4, 5/5) vs MINN (5/6-5/9)    

"Excuse me, but I'm trying to get to the foul line here!"
NBA & NHL Playoffs

When asked the other day on WEEI's Dennis & Callahan whether or not NBA officials talked amongst themselves about making a conscious effort to officiate differently in the playoffs as opposed to the regular season, former ref and jail house boy toy, Tim Donaghy, couldn't get the words out fast enough.  "Oh, absolutely", he said.  Hahaha, geez.  And people still wonder why I refuse to watch that garbage.  That, and Paul Pierce.  Dude is just embarrassing everybody else involved at this point.  We get it, Paul.  You're good at up-faking and drawing fouls.  That's not basketball, though.  If anything, that sounds like soccer.  There ya go, Paul.  If you wanna bitch and moan and fall down as if you've been shot by a high powered rifle 3-4 times an hour, go play soccer.  Trust me, you'd fit right in...

As for the NHL, my latest prediction has the Philadelphia Flyers winning the next 4 games and ending the Bruins run once and for all.  OK, from all accounts that seems unlikely, but I don't care!  I'm still on a mission, here!  I WANT MY SPORTS TALK RADIO BACK!  AND I WILL STOP AT NOTHING UNTIL I GET IT!

...or at least I won't stop bitching until I get it.  Either way...

....well it wasn't Mel Kiper Jr., I can tell you that.
NFL Draft

I've come to the conclusion that Bill Belichick is just an hilariously evil genius.  Especially when it comes to the NFL Draft...

Top QB? Sure, why not?
Every year, the analysts and experts make their predictions as to what he might do, and every year they're DEAD WRONG.  Like, not even close.  Not EVER!  This year they said he would address the pass rush, and he goes and takes 2 running backs and a QB.  No linebackers, no defensive ends.  No pass rushers, period.  So not only did he not do what they experts thought he would do, but he went out and did the exact opposite!  The one thing they did know he would do was trade picks, and boy did he ever, setting New England up with another pair of 1st & 2nd rounders in 2012.  Hey, the guy likes value, what can you say...

And he and his staff make a decision and seem to stick with it, which you have to admire.  Experts will say that they didn't address "needs", but in garnering those aforementioned picks and grabbing the top ranked QB in the 3rd round, it's tough to argue that they didn't know what they were doing.  Maybe they didn't do things exactly how we would have done them, or even liked to have seen them done,  but it's at least good to know that there's a proven method behind all the madness...

Hey, I've long since given up trying to figure out how they do what they do down at Foxboro, but one thing is for sure.  You can't argue with the results.  And that's something they've had in spades almost since the day Bill walked in the door...

As for the rest of the Draft, I'll tell you this.  When Cam Newton goes Vince Young on ya, and his Dad ends up poppin' him a la Marvin Gaye, don't say I didn't warn ya.  Oh and PREDICTION: 3 years from now Jamarcus Russell will be a better QB than Cam Newton.  Yup, you heard me.  Jamarcus, fat ass Russell.  Go ahead and book it right now.  Money in the bank, friends.  Money in the bank...


That's it for me this week, Teds.  We've got the Kentucky Derby this weekend so make sure to check me out on Twitter for my picks.  I'm waaaay overdue for a big pony score this year, and if you wanna ride that cash wave with me I suggest you check it out...

Happy early Mother's Day to all the moms out there, especially mine!  And here' to hopin' you all have a great week...


9/11. Never forget.


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>