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Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Red Sox Update: And Out Comes The Choi Boy...

I don't know what to tell ya, man. I don't speak Japanese...
So as expected, it didn't take too long for me to regain some inspiration.  A quick trip to NYC, a few intriguing stories shuffling through the news cycle, and there it is.  I'm ready to go.  My interest has been piqued.  Consider me, returned to form.  Just like Dice K Matsuzaka.  Let's just be thankful that "returned to form" for me is actually entertaining and informative, while "returned to form" for that over hyped FUPA shaker is so uncomfortably disastrous that it makes even the most reasonable and moral Sox fan consider making amazingly off color and insensitive tsunami jokes...

I know, right?  But yes, he's that frustrating to watch.  Even for someone like me who's set my expectations for the enigmatic hurler extremely low.  Now, that doesn't make what I said acceptable to do, (which is why I covered my bases by simply mentioning it as a potential yet unacceptable outlet for angst) but it also doesn't mean it's not what 95% of you were thinking, either.  But that's enough about all of that.  Besides, if people are really looking for a reason to call me an insensitive bastard, they'll get one later on when I fulfill a promise I made the week before the Masters.  Yeah, you'll see...

So get ready, friends, cuz I know I am.  And strap in for yet another typically inspired edition of Rooch Nation.  IT's what you've come to expect, and who am I to disappoint.  So get your read on friends, and enjoy...


LIVE from the seats we snuck down to for a minute before the game...
Red Sox Update

I don't think a Red Sox fan could ask for a better trip to Yankee Stadium than the one I experienced this weekend.  OK, I guess the weather could have been a little better, but other than that, it was just as I would have written it up.  Not only did the Sox pull off the sweep to finally get to .500, but they did so during a weekend where the mighty Yankee pinstripe armor started to show some serious chinks (AND NO, that's not the insensitive reference you were looking for, though closer than I'd like to admit).  Yeah, it was a great time to be sure.  Here's a bit of a recap.  On the baseball action, that is.  Not my actual trip.  For those notes, get yourself to Twitter.  That's where the real show is these days...
Yo Adrian! indeed...

*In the last 5 years, I've received two sports jerseys with names on the back.  The first, was Laurence Maroney.  Yeah, exactly. I think we all know how that one worked out.  But the second, was Adrian Gonzalez, and something tells me this is a jersey that I'm going to be proud to wear for years to come.  Two more homers and 5 RBI against the Yanks this weekend, and he's hitting .327 with 9 homers overall.  Just scary good, right?  And it's even scarier for the AL East when you consider this is exactly the type of performance the Sox expected when they signed him, and do expect from him for the remainder of his monstrous contract.  OK, maybe the average is a little high (only 10-20 points high), but I think you get what I'm throwin' out there.  Guy is a certified beast, and it's certainly refreshing to see a left handed hitter from the NL West come to Boston and perform up to expectations.  Not sure if you remember, but the last guy we snagged from there didn't really work out too well.  I think his name was Davey somethin'...

"LACKsuSUCKa"
*A lot's been made the past few weeks of the poor performance of both John Lackey and Daisuke Matsuzaka.  And for good reason.  Quite frankly, even at their best, neither is trustworthy, which needless to say, is a major problem.  What isn't a major problem, however, at least to me, is the fact that the Red Sox don't "need" these guys to make the playoffs.  Heck, they don't even need those guys to win the World Series.  No, what Dice K and Lackey were supposed to do, if you listened to all the pundits, were provide the Sox with the depth and talent to overwhelm other team's #4 and 5 starters and help them steamroll their way to 100+ wins.  Obviously, that's not going to be the case.  IT's just also not the end of the world.  They still have 3 beasts at the front of their rotation and their offense should be able to carry them through the other 2 starts with reasonable success more often than not.  That's why I still have them pegged for 90+ wins and a playoff spot, just not 100+ wins and a place in baseball history...

Now to ask what's actually wrong with Lackey and Dice K?  Well your guess is as good as mine, but mine would be that they're simply screwed up in the head right now.  Between the tsunami in Japan for Dice K, and Lackey's wife dealing with cancer, they've got some heavy stuff on their minds.  Not excuses, just facts of life and feasible explanations as to why they may both be drastically under performing.  Either way, these two were NEVER going to be the difference between the Sox being good or being awful, so I wouldn't even sweat it.  They're gonna ride or die with their top 3 and their offense, and right now that makes for a pretty rosy outlook...

BASEBALL
*As for the collapse in the Yankee clubhouse over the weekend (and I'm talking about the Jorge/Jeter/Cashman deal, not the actual sweep) it's really just a sad state of affairs.  I mean, screw Red Sox/Yankees, real baseball fans have had no choice but to admire Jeter, Posada, and Rivera and their play over the last 15+ years.  Sure they, specifically, may have consistently pissed me off and broken my heart, but watching a group of guys grow up and come through a system together, achieve success together, and do it with such class and such a sense of genuine like for each other, well that's one of the great experiences in sport.  And probably the absolute best thing a fan can hope for.  Especially in the era of free agency.  I guess that's why I don't really find any enjoyment in the discord going on in the Bronx right now.  I just figured that if there were any players in baseball that would be able to know when their skills were diminishing and would be willing and understanding of having to take a lesser role for the good of the team, it would be these guys.  Guess I figured wrong.  I mean, I know those guys are super competitive, but it's still disappointing to know that at least some of them still have no idea when to give it up...

However, unless I'm wrong again, things figure to get even uglier over the next 2 years when Jeter really starts to dip and he has it out publicly with Brian Cashman, and that, my friends, will be entertaining as Hell.  Mostly because Cashman is a socially inept dunce who plays about as well in the media as a public lynching, but mostly because the New York papers will be able to come up with some hilarious headlines to fill their back pages.  Comparisons to 'Casper the friendly ghost' or 'Tony Blair's feces' come to mind, but I'm sure that's only the tip of the iceberg.  Oh and believe you me, I'll revel in all that when the time comes, it's just that right now, I can't help but feel a little disappointed.  Ya know, they've just been such class acts, it's tough to see them go out like this.  But hey, I guess if it helps the Red Sox make the post season, I'm all for it...

BURN BRONX BURN! BURN BRONX BURN!  

This Week: vs DET vs CUBS @ CLE

I AM sayin' your a gold digger...
Get Back In the Closet, Will Sheridan...

OK, so by now you've probably all heard.  Will Sheridan, a former Villanova basketball player, has come out and said that he's gay...OH and that he wants you to buy his new album and check out his YouTube page.  Really, dude?  Really?  You're really about to whore out your self worth for a few dollar bills and 15 minutes of fame?  Yeah, well good luck with that, friend, because in my eyes you just outed yourself as a great big fraud, not as a homosexual...

Hey, I'm ALL for equal rights and progress, it's just I also happen to be ALL against people trying to use a guise like this to further a totally separate agenda.  And this is a sticky issue, I get that, and I'm not trying to insinuate he's not really gay and/or didn't struggle with his decision to come out, it's just I don't see how this is relevant to anything or anyone, other than Will Sheridan, and his ability to get his name out there an sell some more records.  I mean, just consider these two factors:


1) Up until about a month ago, nobody had heard the name WIll Sheridan since '07 when he graduated from Villanova.  That's when his YouTube videos started to drop, and were picked up and universally mocked by such outlets as BarStool, Deadspin, and of course the Twitterverse as a whole...

AND

2) According to Sheridan himself, he had already come out to all his friends and teammates, dating as far back as 2003.

So I ask you again, how is this news?  Exactly, it's not.  It's just a money grab, and one at the sake of a very sensitive issue, which to me makes it even worse.  Hey, you want a story about a guy in the sports world coming out that's actually legitimate?  Check out the Phoenix Suns' Rick Welts.  He's the real loser in all this.  Guy's probably got a good story to tell, but I bet it ends up getting buried in all the hype surrounding the new king of ReGAYton, Mr. Big Willy Sheridan...

Pretty shameless, man, and I gotta figure karma's gonna end up getting the best of you on this one.  But good luck, Will.  Based on what we all just watched in that video, and what we saw in the "Gay Kanye goes to school" photo shoot you did pictured above, you're gonna need it brotha...

The Choi Boy

And speaking of shameless, it's about time for me to fulfill the promise I made the week of the Masters, and post this photo:

The Choi Boy: Defying Anal Physics Since the Creation of the Interweb...and photshop
Haha see, here was the deal.  The week before the Masters, I received an email from my good friend and Rooch Nation webmaster, Kevin "Frosco" Tomasso.  In the email, was this photo, and a request to somehow  work it in to my blog.  My response, after hysterically laughing and then trying to figure out what the F I was actually looking at, was this.  I told him, that seeing as I had just selected my fantasy gold team for the week, and that group included notable Asian American golfer, Anthony Kim, that if Kim took down the Masters, then I would find a way to work this tiny Asian anal water wizard into my post.  Alas, it wasn't meant to be for AK on Masters weekend, but that didn't mean we'd seen the last of this little man and his new take on the hyper colonic...

Nope.  Low and behold I get a call Saturday from Frosco, who just so happens to have scored tickets to the TPC Sawgrass for the weekend.  Then I get a text from him on Sunday, saying that if current leader board member, KJ Choi, should take the thing down, that I should use the hilarious pic that had originally been intended for the victory parade of one Anthony Kim, in this wek's post.  Well, thanks to a semi collapse from one David Toms (as his smokin' hot MILF of  wife looked on, I might add) KJ Choi was able to take it down, and I was able to fulfill my promise.  Here ya go, Frosco.  Your little friend, in all his glory.  A little friend, that will from henceforth be known, as "The Choi Boy"...

Hilarious? Yes. Slightly racially insensitive? Yes. But hilarious? YES!

Congrats to KJ, by the way.  One of the classiest guys there is, golfer or not, and he deserves everything he gets.  Again, congrats on the win...and I hope that's not your son. OH!

Behind a microphone, right where you two belong...
Oh Danny Boy...

I've taken a lot of heat over the past few years due to my opinion that neither Danny Ainge OR Doc Rivers are particularly good at what they do.  I don't think Danny is a capable GM, and I don't think Doc is a very good coach (should be noted I think coaching in the NBA is pretty poor all across the board).  I get it, I'm in the extreme minority with those two opinions, but you have to remember that wasn't always the case.  I'm not just some hater who says people suck because I don't like them, I'm just a guy who remembers that without a ping pong ball bouncing the right way (Greg Oden much?), and a friend needing to make a desperate move to potentially save his job (McHale in Minnesota), these two guys are almost definitely both on the street, or more likely, making their living behind a microphone...

So why do I mention this?  Well, it's because in the wake of their latest playoff loss, their handcuffed position under the salary cap, and Doc's outta left field 5 year extension, I'm betting it'll be sooner rather than later that Celtic fans are reminded of their ineptitude.  And it looks like it could have already started.  I mean, Danny Ainge going on the radio within 48 hours of the season ending and saying that Paul Pierce could very easily come off the bench next year in an effort to save his legs?  Hahaha yeah, because that was a totally realistic/necessary comment to make.  But that's Danny, for ya.  If he's not childishly tossin' towels up to distract opponents, he's sticking his foot so far into his mouth that it takes half a dozen Latter Day Saints to help him pry that thing outta there.  And as for Doc saying he knows what struggles may lie ahead and that he looks forward to "teaching"?  Yeah, Doc, we saw how well you taught those teams back when you first got here.  Taught 'em to the tune of 102-144 before the Big 3 showed up, losing more games each year than the one that came before it.  Yeah, way to coach 'em up...

Hey, if you're a Celtics fan, I'm happy for ya.  You got to enjoy some real good years here, and even got to celebrate another NBA title.  That's some good stuff.  I just happen to think that I'm one of the few who realize who absolutely fluky this whole era has been, almost look forward to watching it fall apart right in front of my very eyes.  I'm sorry, friends, that's just the way I feel.  And it's also one of the only ways I can FINALLY GET MY LOCAL SPORTS RADIO BACK TO THE WAY I LIKE IT!!

Which reminds me, have the Bruins been eliminated yet? No?  Well then I guess it's music again for me on my ride into work.  That, or listen to a bunch of football guys each pronounce a European last name differently for  20 minutes.  Yeah, I think I'll be sticking to music...      


Enjoy your week, friends, and I'll catch you on the flipman...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

14 comments:

Frosco said...

Photoshop my ass! I actually saw Choi do this with a broken sprinkler on hole #5 in the direction of Graeme McDowell. Apparently he doesn't like the smug European tiny shirt look either. Good for him.

Anonymous said...

Will I AM...exploiting my sexuality in an attempt to sell records?

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