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Friday, January 07, 2011

Wild Card Weekend: Underdogs & Underboobs


Greetings friends, and welcome to "The Once".  For those that may have been slacking on their Rooch Nation as of late (and I'll give you a pass since it's been the holiday season), that's not the word once, but the Spanish word "on-say", meaning '11.  IT's just like El Nino, except it's actually real, and it's how I'll be referring to the current year for at least the next couple weeks, so I suggest you get used to it.  OR at least learn to tolerate it...

But there's no time to waste discussing the finer points of Espanol.  It's the freakin' playoffs!  And just as you'd get your fake tree out of storage for Christmas, or dust off your ceramic pumpkin for Halloween, it's time to bring the legendary Jim Mora clips out of the archives and get ready for the celebration.  The celebration in this case being the games, and of course more pertinently, my picks.  So let's get right down to it...

Playoffs?!?! You're damn right, coach.  And here at Rooch Nation, we make sure not to spare any of the "diddly poo".  And we also try NOT to ruin classic press conference clips...unlike a certain beer vendor I know.  FAIL, Coors.  ULTIMATE FAIL...

Enjoy...

Wild Card Picks




Seattle Seahawks (+10.5) vs New Orleans Saints (Saturday @ 430 pm)

For those of you that may not count yourselves among the prolific when it comes to spotting patterns and trends, allow me to throw you a bone.  For whatever reason this week, I've gone solely with underdogs.  Not just so I could have a "theme" (if that were the case I would have worked it into my intro, duh), but because in looking at each game, I determined the underdog to always have the better value in terms of betting...

Perfect example is taking the Seahawks and nearly 11 points at home against the Saints.  Do I think the Seahawks are going to win?  Of course I don't.  But they have a great home field advantage and their playing a team that's not exactly the picture of health.  To me, that screams great value right there.  Screams it louder than Pete Carroll's giddy laugh on the practice field all week.  At least, that's how I've imagined their practices have gone this week...

And that's another thing.  While there are plenty of legitimate reasons as to why the 'Hawks are 11 point dogs and why the Saints should walk into Qwest Field and roll them like a vanilla Dutch, I've grown more and more comfortable in recent years picking teams that everyone universally agrees doesn't have a shot.  Oddly enough, they seem to win at a much higher clip than you would ever expect.  Then again, maybe that has something to do with the fact that I don't bet, and just get more enjoyment from picking against the masses, even if I am wrong more often than I'd like to think...

Oh well, whether it's pride or wisdom, either way I'm goin' with Seattle.  They may suck, and they may not "deserve" to be in the playoffs, but their great home crowd and their "nobody is picking us" attitude should be just enough to make taking them with the 11 points the right choice to get your weekend started off on the right foot...

New Orleans 31 Seattle 23

...and speaking of feet...  


New York Jets (+2.5) @ Indianapolis Colts (Saturday @ 8 pm)

Next up on the underdog parade, I'm taking the Jets over the Colts.  OR as I heard them referred to as earlier in the week, "Feety & the Rapists".  Pretty sure that's libelous, right there, but seeing as it's hilarious, and I didn't come up with it, I figure I'll use it anyway.  Besides, I couldn't find a picture on Google of a foot with Ryan's face superimposed on the big toe and a few of his players likewise pictured on the smaller toes, so there really wasn't anything else I felt I could do...(and what the F is superimposed???)

Rex has said this game against Manning and the Colts is "personal", but that's just Rex being Rex.  Personal?  Of course it's personal!  Every game should be personal! I mean, I don't know about you, but ANY time someone runs at me with the intent of slamming me to the ground, I take it personally.  Again, maybe that's me, I don't know...

Personal or not, I like the Jets in this spot mainly because...well, because they're the better team.  Peyton Manning is the man, and he will probably lead a comeback effort that will make Rex's feet sweat, but ultimately, I think the superior talent of the Jets will shine through just enough to push them into the 2nd round.  A round in which they'd have to travel to New England to face the top seeded Patriots.  Hmmmmm.  Could that be the reason for me picking underdog #2?  For another chance to embarrass the Jets @ Gillette Stadium?  Guess you'll have to wait a week to find out...or just assume, because chances are, in this case, you'd probably be right...

Feety & Friends 27 Indy 24  


Kansas City Chiefs (+3) vs Baltimore Ravens (Sunday @ 1 pm)

If any of my picks were influenced by my underdog mentality this week, it would have to be the Chiefs/Ravens  Which is to say, maybe I talked myself into this one...

'Mid Atlantic underboob'
Maybe it's the Chiefs being littered with former Patriots, but I'm thinking it's more along the lines of the thinking with the Seattle/New Orleans game.  Nobody, and I mean NOBODY is picking KC in this spot, and they, like Seattle, have one of the best home field advantages in football.  Granted they aren't as experienced as Baltimore, who won in New England in this spot just a year ago, or maybe even as talented, but the way they're being written off by national pundits and bettors alike just doesn't seem appropriate.  People talk about Ray Rice and the Baltimore running game, and for good reason, but I think it's under the radar MVP candidate, Jamaal Charles and the KC running game that will make their presence known in this one.  And while that would still leave Matt Cassel to deal with Ed Reed and the Baltimore secondary, I'll like his chances if he's got the benefit of a good play action in his arsenal...

So while the Ravens may be the sexy pick to beat KC and then upset the Pats (again) in Foxboro, I've got them pegged to fall early to the upstart Chiefs.  But seeing as they are the sexy pick, I figure it wouldn't hurt to throw a photo of a sexy, and no doubt classy, Ravens fan showing off her underboobs.  Ya know, for editorial purposes and what not...

KC 23 Baltimore 21


Green Bay Packers (+2.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles (Sunday @ 430 pm)

Our final game of Wild Card Weekend brings us to the underdog I was most eager to take.  The Green Bay Packers...

I had them as my NFC champion before the season began, and while an Aaron Rodgers concussion may have thrown a serious wrench into my fantasy campaign, I'm still not losing faith.  And besides, isn't this Packer team exactly the type of team that seems to make a run?  A highly touted team that struggled at times but otherwise appears dangerously well balanced?  Yeah, that's the Pack.  And it doesn't hurt that they'll be playing perhaps the most over hyped team since the '98-'99 Vikings.  A team that, conveniently enough, was also being led by an African American scrambling QB who was looking to revive his career...and had also once played in Philadelphia.  Hmmmmm...

'Green Bay underboob'
Quirky similarities aside, this is yet another game where it seems everyone is picking one side.  So naturally, I'm on the other.  But yet again, it's not just "because", it's because I think Green Bay is the better team.  I like Aaron Rodgers chances of moving the ball up and down the field against a shadily suspect Philly secondary, and I like chances of their defense making just enough big plays against Mikey Vick to assure they come out on top...

I'm taking this as the game of the weekend, and I'd be really surprised if it managed to disappoint.  And if it does?  Oh well.  That's what the pretty lady is for.  To distract you from the money slowly migrating out of your wallet.  She also begs the question, "Why isn't the style of shirt she's wearing more popular?"  I for one think that's a good look, both for business and casual.  Naturally your "business" would have to be stripping/hooking and your "casual" would have to be making your own porno at home, but I still think it's a versatile outfit that doesn't get enough love.  Just like the Packers...

And you know what?  I bet Rodgers wouldn't mind if little miss Erin Andrews (alleged GF?) started rockin' that shirt on a regular basis.  Even though we've all seen her naked, I doubt anyone would turn down another look at her rockin' this gear.  Getcha peep holes ready!!  

Green Bay 31 Philly 27


Monday Night


Oregon Ducks (+3) vs Auburn Tigers

Our final stop of the weekend brings us to College Football and the BCS National Championship game.  It may not be the pros, but seeing as Cam Newton is probably getting paid more this year than Danny Woodhead, I think it's legit that I include them on the slate...

Future underboobs of America
And as is the case with the 4 NFL games, I'm going with the underdog.  And much like my reasoning with most of those, I'm more or less taking the underdog Ducks (underducks?) because basically nobody else is.  More so even than in professional sports, it seems these unanimous type games are the ones that end up going   much differently than most experts expect.  IF I had more info, I could probably point out ways in which I think Oregon has an advantage, but that would all just be window dressing.  This one I'm picking almost entirely to go against the masses.  If I'm wrong?  Oh well, I still slaughtered the competition in my sole Bowl Pick 'Em pool.  But if I win?  Well if I win, then I'm the ultimate savage who had Oregon when everybody else had Auburn.  Yeah!  Take that society!

IT'll probably be all for not, though, as either A) Auburn will win and I will be wrong OR B) Oregon will win, and everyone will forget within the week that I had picked them.  Seriously, people.  I know my memory is extraordinary to the point where people think I read, study and memorize useless info with every waking second, but the fact that the average person I know can barely remember things within a 48 hour window really has me worried about where we may be headed as a human race.  And I'd blame the Internet for creating this crisis by shortening people's attention spans, but that would be like blaming the sun for people getting sun burned.  Instead, I blame you, you crazy Teds.  Try remembering stuff, once in a while.  It actually makes doing all those cool things you do...well, worth it...

Oregon 28 Auburn 26


Last Week: 13-7-0

Top Picks: 86-68-3 (.557)

Overall: 156-113-5 (.578)

LOCK OF THE WEEK: 10-10-0


So there it is, friends. A few picks, a few laughs, and a few scantily clad women.  What more can you ask for?  OK money, I guess, but that's what the picks are for...

Now before I go, I'd like to thank all of you out there that made it out to watch me interview the Patriots' Sebastian Vollmer on Monday night.  We talked beards and playoffs, mostly, and I was really encouraged that so many of you came to show your support.  After all, a Nation can't just be one man, no matter how suave and handsome that man happens to be.  I couldn't do it without you, friends, and again, I really appreciate you all comin' out...

Other than that, keep your eyes peeled for the soon to be revealed @RoochNation College Hoops Top 25, and I'll catch you on the flipman...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

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