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Thursday, December 29, 2011

Week 17 Picks: The End is Near...


Well, my friends, the year twenty-twelve is nearly upon us. And if we're to believe some of the "experts", there's a decent chance that this next year could be the last for the human race and the planet in which we inhabit. Now, I'm no Mayan calendar reader, so I don't know one way or another, but I do know this. Even if the world does end some time in December of 2012, I'd still bet on Baylor & Washington to go OVER in the "X-Box End of the World Bowl". Like, even if the world was opening up as they played, a la the latest Dark Knight Rising trailer, I'd still like like those teams chances of at least hangin' 50 on each other. I mean, seriously. Was it me, or was that game being controlled by an ADD stricken and Red Bull fueled 12 year old with a video game controller? Whatever, I'm sure you won't hear fans complaining about it like you did that 9-6 OT thriller in November between Alabama & LSU. Freakin' fans. They think they can have their cake and eat it, too. And you know what? It's because more often than not, they actually can...

And while we're on the subject of delicious cake, let's try to win you some by figuring out the safest way to wade through this mercurial final week of the NFL regular season. The world may be ending, but you're still gonna need that gambling money to pay for all the end of the world drugs, sex and booze. Hey, what can I tell ya? The rapture isn't gonna pay for itself...

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Week 16 Picks: Happy Birthday Jesus!


Ho ho ho, my damies, and a Merry Christmas OR Happy Hanukkah to you all. And notice the OR is capitalized and emboldened there, friends. Ya know, for emphasis? Because you each only get to accept ONE of those greetings. To you enterprising religious types out there that like to celebrate both holidays? You get nothing. Not because I've suddenly become religious and don't think it's morally correct that a person should celebrate both Christmas and Hanukkah, but because I'm jealous that you rat bastards have beaten the system, and garnered yourselves 8-10 total days of legitimate gift getting, while I'm still sitting here like a schmuck with merely the 1-2...

So yeah, screw you, you double dippers, but make sure you know that those sentiments are coming from a place of love and jealousy, not a place of religious judgment. Ya know, because apparently these are religious holidays we're celebrating right now. Somethin' about a story of the magical birth of a young carpenter, who could turn water into wine and help the blind to see. I don't have all the facts, but I'm thinkin' that kid would have slayed on one of those reality TV type talent shows. Jerusalem's Got Talent? Man, oh man. He could have been huge. Oh well, in a lot of ways I'm sure getting spit on, beaten, nailed to a piece of wood and then rising from the dead was probably just as exciting. But I digress...

Yep, cuz we're here to pick games and tell jokes, not talk about religion. I mean, I guess if the joke has to do with religion it's cool, but either way, it's time to move on. Oh, and I'll be moving on using just one space after the end of each sentence. IT's all the rage, and all the cool bloggers are going it, so I'd figure I'd be wise to follow suit. No more "Two-spacing" for this guy. Well, at least not on purpose. Probably prove a tough habit to break, though. Freakin' muscle memory...

OK, now it's really onto the picks. I'm already feelin' good, after winning last night with the Colts and the points (+6.5), and I figure that savvy and successful selection can only bode well for the week to come.  That, and I nailed the top pick in my Confidence based NCAA Bowl pool when Boise St. beat Arizona St. by like 40 points. So I'm feelin' good. Hopefully, that'll carry over into this Holiday weekend...

...and I haven't caught myself "two spacing", yet, which has gotta be a good sign...

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Week 15 Picks: The Master & The Messiah...

I can't remember a regular season game, in any sport, in which the outcome, one way or the other, will so dramatically change the perception of one of the players involved.  Naturally, I'm talkin' about Tebus Christ and the Mile High Showdown.  He leads his Broncos to a convincing win over the Patriots, and even the staunchest critics will start to come around.  And if he bests Tom Brady in a 4th quarter comeback fest?  Well, then Elway might as well start building the shrine to his polarizing prophet passer right there in the parking lot before he calls it a night.  You know, as long as there isn't anything in the Bible that says that isn't chill...

And even if there is, I'm sure Timmy could talk to the big man upstairs and get it all ironed out...

Let's get to it...

Wednesday, December 07, 2011

Week 14 Picks: Pujols Heads West, While Paul Stays Put...


You know what's a fun aspect of being me? Yesterday, I had a 20 minute debate with my friend, about the proper coaching etiquette to be used when a team is down by 3 in basketball game with just seconds left.  To foul, or not to foul.  Whether it's legitimate to tell your team it's more important to draw a foul than in it is to actually attempt to score.  Really riveting stuff, for a nerd such as myself.  So what's a not so pleasant aspect of being me? The fact that I'm a Red Sox fan, and I now live in a world where the Sox are at best, the 3rd best team in the American League.  Oh well, at least I can take solace in knowing what happened to the last team that was crowned the king of the MLB off season...

Pujols, Paul, and an ass load of picks.  Probably some Tebow, too.  IT's week 14, friends.  Now let's get to it!

Thursday, December 01, 2011

Week 13 Picks: Wine Me, Fine Me, & Valentine Me...


Bobby Valentine is the new coach of the Boston Red Sox, and the Bernie Fine scandal is officially beginning to spin out of control.  Oh yeah, and we've got some NFL and NCAA games to pick.  Yep, there are no shortage of topics on which to wax poetic, so let's get to it...

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thanksgiving Picks: Legs, Breasts, Thighs & Picks...


Happy Thanksgiving, friends.  If you recognize the picture above, of a cartoon pilgrim dog being sexed up be some Indian strippers, well it's because I used it last year.  And to be honest, I'm probably going to be using it every year around this time until it disappears from the Interweb (unlikely), or when my stream of digital opinions finally come to an end (even more unlikely).  But no matter which picture I choose to use, you can depend on me bringing you the gambling advice you need to make sure that the awkward moments with your relatives at least turn into profitable ones.  So good luck, friends, and here's to wishing you all a very Merry Thanksgiving.  What?  Can't use Merry?  Merry's just as acceptable a word as Happy, is it not?  Well, whatever.  Gobble gobble then, my damies.  And enjoy...    

The 'Harbaugh Bowl' should serve as the perfect dessert...
Thanksgiving Picks
Detroit Lions (+6) vs Green Bay Packers

I've been saying it all season long: The Packers are clearly the best team in football, they're just not going to go undefeated.  A short week, on the road, and against a divisional rival that hasn't seen a game this big in their unremarkable history?  Sounds like as good a time as any, if you ask me.  So, if you're feelin' bold this Thanksgiving, take the Lions for the win, but if you're just feelin' savvy, take the Pack to win, and Detroit with the points...

Got Bush?
Dallas Cowboys (-7) vs Miami Dolphins

The Phins have been playin' real well of late, but Dallas at home on Thanksgiving is a completely different animal.  Reggie Bush might put on a show for a minute or two, but in the end it'll likely be a lot of Tony Romo, and a lot of Dallas Cowboys running in open spaces to pay dirt...

Oh and make sure you listen closely to all the trash talking in this one.  I've already heard some pretty clever things being said to Reggie Bush in the aftermath of a few of his runs now that he and the infamously idiotic, Kim Kardashian, are now seemingly back together.  I'm tellin' ya, just listen for the words "ass" and "little girl".  You'll hear 'em.  (Those NFLer's are nothing else if hilariously ruthless)  And when you do, feel free to fill in the blanks as you see fit.  The more demeaning and vulgar your comments, the closer to the truth you most likely are...   

Baltimore Ravens (-3.5) vs San Francisco 49ers + OVER 37.5

It's 'The Harbaugh Bowl', and I'm likin' John to hold court and deliver a Baltimore win.  Jim may be the new king of NorCal football, but in a game that's loaded with familiarity, I'll take the home team every time.  I've also read some things that seem to indicate that the OVER 37.5 is a solid play, too.  Don't ask me why or how, but there are a bunch of numbers that support it, even if we're all fairly certain the final score of this thing is gonna be somewhere in the neighborhood of 13-10...


Last Week: 9-5-2

Overall: 108-78-4 (.580)


Thighs, legs, breasts.  Apparently I've been celebrating Thanksgiving all year long when it comes to my college picks.  I've also been consistent with my penchant for picking timely upsets, and this week should be no different.  There are  a lot of dogs that I like to put up a fight this week, and here's to hoping that going out on those limbs won't end up making me look like a giant turkey.  Right?  Turkey?  You get it?  Yeah, you get it.  Although the longer you look at these photos, the more likely you're to have "stuffing" on the brain than you are turkey... 

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(3) Arkansas (+12.5) @ (1) LSU

Auburn (+21) vs (2) Alabama

(4) Stanford (-7) vs (22) Notre Dame

(24) Virginia (+4.5) vs (6) Virginia Tech

Wyoming (+33.5) @ (7) Boise St.

Tulsa (+3) vs (8) Houston

(9) Oregon (-28) vs Oregon St.

(10) USC (-13.5) vs UCLA

Northwestern (+6.5) vs (11) Michigan St.

(12) Oklahoma (-28) vs Iowa St.

(13) Georgia (-6) @ (25) Georgia Tech

(14) South Carolina (-3.5) vs (18) Clemson

(20) Penn St. (+14.5) @ (15) Wisconsin

(17) Michigan (-7) vs Ohio St.

(22) Nebraska (-9.5) vs Iowa


Last Week: 9-3-0

Overall: 88-40-2 (.685)


So again, Happy Thanksgiving to you all, and here's to hoping your day goes off without a hitch.  And let Tila Tequila meets Brooke Burke up there serve as a reminder that, when you hear from me next (or sooner rather than later) I'll make sure to touch on the Sox.  Not "touch" like Sandusky, but I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about.  Just imagine, Sandusky would rather shower with a little boy than try to figure out if what we're dealing with above is white meat, dark meat, or just some hybrid stripper meat that you shouldn't swallow without a chaser of bleach.  Boggles the mind, doesn't it?  Just boggles the freakin' mind...

Gobble gobble, my damies.  And have a nice, long, and profitable weekend.  Oh, and try not to kill any of your relatives...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Week 11 Picks: A Fine Example...


Last week, it was Penn St. football.  This week, it's Syracuse basketball?! Oh dear...

Yep, longtime Jim Boeheim assistant, Bernie Fine, is the latest to be labeled a child molester, accused by 2 former ball boys for sexually abusing them for more or less the last 30 years.  And while I'm in a terrible position to try to defend Fine right now (Syracuse affiliation, etc.), there are already a myriad of signs that seem to indicate that what we're NOT dealing with here, is another Jerry Sandusky...

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Week 10 Picks: Mea JoePa...


Culpability.  That's what's at the crux of the Jerry Sandusky kid diddling scandal at Penn St.  You believe Joe Paterno knew, or you don't.  Either way, you have to submit to the fact that the man that was at the head of a college football empire for 46 years, and therefore must be held responsible for a massive institutional failure that occurred under under his watch.  He's culpable.  It's like the famous line from Spiderman.  "With great power, comes great responsibility."  JoePa had the power, he had the responsibility, and the fact is, he didn't do enough with either.  That's why he was fired, and that's why he'll always be remembered just as much for his accomplishments on the field, as he will be his disgraceful and untimely exit from the program his identity had come to define...

Tuesday, November 08, 2011

Frank Reynolds' Little PinkHats...


I'm not sure what's more embarrassing.  The Patriots performance on Sunday, the Patriots fans performance on Sunday, or the kid diddling scandal that's currently unfolding at Penn St.  OK, it's obviously the kid diddling (apparently that sick bastard, Jerry Sandusky didn't listen to Frank Reynolds), but it's the Pats fans, and not their performance, that come in second on that list, and it's not even close...

Friday, November 04, 2011

Week 9 Picks: Unguarded? Try Unimpressed...

So, I watched ESPN's Unguarded on Tuesday, and per usual, I've got an unpopular opinion in regards to how I felt it went.  To put it simply, I'm far removed from being impressed by recovering addicts, no matter how hard and far they may have fallen, and I'm not nearly naive enough to believe that, at 32, former Durfee star, Chris Herren, has actually beaten his addictions and should serve as an inspiration to anyone that hopes to grow up healthy and contribute to society...

I know, it's a rather dark take on what was supposed to be an inspirational story, but I just can't find any reason to sympathize or even empathize with Herren.  He was an amazingly talented basketball player, who multiple times threw his career away because of drugs.  OK, sucks for him, but I don't really see how it's that impressive of a tale.  Dude's been clinically dead twice, and we're supposed to be impressed that he's out telling kids to stay off drugs?  He's just a lucky bastard, and matter of fact, if he were doing anything other than what he's doing, I'd say he were just a flat out awful person.  Again, dude died twice.  There are only two ways to go from there.  Either OD again, and die for real, or clean up your act.  Props to him for choosing the latter, but it's still way too soon to say he's achieved anything, and to flaunt his exploits as some example of triumph over adversity just sort of makes me chuckle...

Tuesday, November 01, 2011

Interesting Times...


Lemme tell ya.  It may be unseasonably frigid out there, but there's nothing cold these days about both the local and nationals sports scenes.  Yup, written like a true 8th grade newspaper editor, right there.  Annnnnd boom goes the dynamite...

No, but really, between the Sox searching for a new skipper and positioning themselves for free agency, and the Patriots making news for all the wrong reasons both on and off the field, there's plenty to talk about, and a lot of legitimate discussions to be had.  And I'm not talking about the ones that involve Belichick being fired or Kevin Millar managing the Red Sox from atop some sort of massive horse, looking like the bastard son of Jeff Spiccoli and the Marlboro Man, with Jerry Remy riding next to him on a tiny donkey.  Hilarious notions, but about as realistic as...well as that donkey situation I mentioned with Jerry Remy.  Uh, Rem Dog.  I don't think you're supposed to feed those things cigarette filters...

The Patriot defense is still coming up short...
No, there are plenty of topics, from why can't Belichick put a decent defense together, to who the Red Sox decide to keep and let go, that should keep the rumor mills churning and the talking heads talking straight through to the New Year.  Not exactly for the most inspiring reasons, but it should certainly make for some inspirational, if not entertaining, discussions around the campfire, the water cooler, and off course the deliciously prepared turkey and stuffing...

Hey, the man said "may you live in interesting times", right?  And that we do.  And once the full weight of college basketball is thrown back into the mix, it'll go from interesting to straight up magical.  An historically interesting Red Sox off season, the 2nd half of an NFL season, college hoops with Cuse in the top 5, and a full Winter without and NBA or hockey talk?!?  IT really is the most wonderful time of the year!  Now I finally realize what he Hell Bing Crosby was so excited about.  OR was that Perry Cuomo?  Whatever, it was one of those dead crooners...

Oh, and I know I may be laughing alone, but it's hysterical how short of a time it took for the Bruins PinkHats to jump ship.  The team certainly isn't doing them any favors with their horrific start, but it really is a pathetic display.  By the fans, that is.  Those loyal, die hard Bruins fans.  Funny, I haven't run into any of those lately.  Oh right, probably because it's not May yet...

But that's enough hating on Bruin fan for today.  Not like they're paying attention, anyway...

#WINNING
Seem like I wasn't paying attention when I made my picks on Friday, but rest assured I'll bounce back strong with a solid performance in week 9.  Not sure how, yet, seeing as that's what I tried to do there in week 8, but trust me when I tell you I'm workin' on a solution.  A solution that, at least on the college side of things, will probably involve a half naked girl from LSU.  What?  If it ain't broke, right?  Pretty sure a man said that too, at some point...

NFL Picks
Last Week: 6-9-0

Overall: 79-61-4 (.563)

NCAA Picks
Last Week: 5-8-1

Overall: 63-34-1 (.648)


What? No good?
Oh and farewell to Tony La Russa, who retired yesterday just after winning his 3rd World Series title in his 33 year career.  He may have looked like Livia Soprano at his retirement press conference, and the news media may have been treating the story like he died, but that doesn't take away from the fact that he was a great manager, and baseball is a better place for having had him be a part of it.  I grew up on La Russa's A's teams, and he along with Bobby Cox were the first managers whose names and faces I actually knew.  He'll always hold a special place in my baseball memory because of that, and for that I'll be forever grateful.  I'll also probably never forget the time I suggested in my blog that he and Ron Washington were going to meet together at 2 AM in an Arby's parking lot to do drugs and defecate, either.  So for that, I'm am also forever grateful...

Good luck, Tony, and we'll be seeing you soon.  Ya know, when you make TMZ & ESPN.com for getting another DUI.  Remember, "EL-EM-EN-OH".  It's like a funny word, and it has "P" after it.  Don't pee when you say it, though, because from what I've seen on TV, cops don't take too kindly to that sort of thing...

See ya Friday, friends...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, October 28, 2011

Week 8 Picks: Frees-E Does It...


So, was that the best World Series game ever last night?  You bet your ass it was.  I know basically nobody saw it, as has been the case with most of this series (they nearly lost the ratings war to the Saints/Colts blowout on Sunday night), but in becoming the first team in baseball history to score in the 8th, 9th, 10th, AND 11th innings of a playoff game, the St. Louis Cardinals made sure that the 2011 World Series will inevitably go down as one of the all time greats...

Carter, Puckett, Fisk and...Freese?
Even in the 1st, an inning I caught on my radio, when St. Louis starter, Jaime Garcia, had to wiggle out of a tough jam just to hold the deficit at 1?  You just knew it was gonna be a good game.  I mean, duh, it was game 6 of the World Series, but you just got the feeling it was gonna be a great game.  In all honesty, I completely lost that feeling around the time Beltre and Cruz homered in the 3 run 7th, but that probably only made from the 8th inning on all that much more enjoyable.  A signature game, for an already epic World Series...

And what about freaking David Freese?  A 2 run triple in the 9th to tie it, and then the game winning home run?!  Sick.  Oh and I confidently tell you, off the top of my head, that Freese's game winner was only the 4th in World Series game 6 history, as he joined  Kirby Puckett, Joe Carter & Carlton Fisk.  And how do I know that so readily?  Well, my friends, that's because it was the AFLAC trivia question in about the 4th inning.  Coincidence?  Absolutely, but I'm sure that's not stopping some enthusiastic conspiracy theorists out there.  They're also betting on which is manager is more likely to have a relapse into drug/alcohol abuse if their team loses, though, so I wouldn't take those degenerati (plural for degenerates) too seriously.  But for the record, the smart money's obviously on Wash, but I also get the feeling that win OR lose, there's gonna be another YouTube of a drunken LaRussa, takin' a dump in an Arby's parking lot or something.  SO take that into account if you decide to toss your loots into the ring...

Arby's. 2 AM.  Bring a hose...
Ahhh, yes.  The Fall Classic.  It really is the complete entertainment package.  So get to watchin', before it's gone.  Or don't, and just watch football.  Which is what you're gonna do, anyway, and why you've come to seek my sage advice.  Can't fault you there, I guess, so here we go.  I'ts week 8, and just as it seems we'd only begun, we're halfway through.  My how time flies when you're raking in the cakes...

Enjoy...

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Have a Rally Beer With Mr. Burns...


Seriously, John Henry.  What the Hell are you doin'?  To go on the radio and say you didn't even want Carl Crawford?  Forget the fact that he went in there on his own accord, didn't inform the media relations department, and actually did it on his team's flagship radio station's #1 competitor.  That in itself is just bizarre.  But to actually say that he was more or less "overruled", or at the very least "convinced" to sign Carl Crawford?  I mean, what the Hell is that?  And then claiming that Bob Hohler, whose Boston Globe article last week busted this thing wide open, had already admitted that his source was not from the Sox front office, when in fact Hohler hadn't said anything?  It's just embarrassing.  And his behavior, along with that of the front office, has been far more of an embarrassment than any historic September collapse could ever dare to compare...

OK, so who runs the team???
Look at Henry.  The Principal Owner of the team.  AKA.  The Boss.  The guy that signs the checks.  Yet he's uninformed, unprepared, and simply looking to point fingers and asses blame, rather than accept responsibility.  He wants to be an absentee landlord, and tell everyone that Lucchino runs the baseball arm of his "business"?  Fine.  Not the type of guy I'd ideally want running a team I was rooting for, but I can accept it.  It's business.  However, that means, when things go wrong, the ONLY time he can ever point a finger in blame, is when he's pointing one at Lucchino.  Because if he's pointing other fingers, that means he knows who to blame, and he knows what's going on.  And if he knows whats going on, that means he's involved, and that means he's culpable.  You think he'd be saying these things about Crawford if he had won the Triple Crown?  I guess we'll never know, but I think you see my point.  Henry, Lucchino, they just wanna cover their asses, and in doing so they're coming across as whiny fools.  Not exactly the image fans are looking for when it comes to instilling confidence, and one that's become flat out embarrassing to admit to having faith in...
Don't speak for these Teds...

As for Jon Lester, his "it was only a Rally Beer", excuse, is exactly that.  An excuse.  Which is not what he should have been giving.  Own up, dammit!  Yeah, we were swillin' brews, and it was wrong.  Not this, "we only had a few" crap.  You know who says they "only had a few"?  Someone who was drunk.  And don't even bother with the "we", either.  Just own up to what you did, and apologize.  Even with good intentions, lumping yourself in with other people in moments like this is just never a good idea.  Brewing and selling a beverage called "Rally Beer", however, could turn into a very good and rather profitable idea.  Not to mention potentially delicious.  Oh, and RallyBeer.com? Some language I don't know, and I'm guessing we could purchase it.  Trade it for a few live yaks if we have to.  Or whatever animal it is that people in those countries use as cars...

But seriously, if Yawkee Way hasn't been flooded with applications from Public Relations firms in the last few days, I'd be shocked, because whoever they've got working for them now is just an absolute joke.  I thought the September collapse was embarrassing, but with each passing interview it seems we haven't even begun to see how embarrassing this franchise can get.  I still hold out hope that if they can clean enough house, they might be able to start things anew, but as I've been saying, it's getting to be a little much to take.  It's like the story of emperor with no clothes.  Now that things are falling apart around him, he's been outed not as the silent but powerful ruler of this well run kingdom, but a naked idiot with very little clue, and only one loyal subject...

Larry quick! She can see little Hank!
Haha yeah, they're Mr. Burns and Smithers!  Sure, Lucchino might be straight, but the comparison fits so damn well.  You could even call Lucchino's/Hohler's article, the "releasing of the hounds".  Or for you hardcore Simpsons fans, the releasing of the dogs, the bees, and the dogs, that when they bark, they shoot bees out of their mouths!  Whatever you want to call it, they're headed full steam into a complete meltdown.  And for once, they won't be able to point their bony fingers at the hapless dolts down in sector 7G...

I have to admit, I love the drama surrounding all this stuff, but when it's my team, only to a point.  Seriously, someone get a PR firm up there and save this team from itself before there's nothing left but a Pesky pole, a pink hat graveyard (I picture them blowing around like tumbleweeds) and a bucket of extra crispy...


Results from the weekend:


NFL Picks
Last Week: 9-8-0

Overall: 66-44-3 (.598)

NCAA Picks
Last Week: 10-4-0

Overall: 49-23-1 (.678)


Catcha Friday, friends...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Week 6 Picks: Larry Can You Smear Me?...



If there's one thing I've learned in my 28+ years on this planet, it's this.  That actions DO NOT, under any circumstances, speak louder than words.  Today's case in point being the aggressive smear campaign that's accompanying the Red Sox unraveling about as fittingly as a glass of milk would accompany a plate full of delicious cookies.  Or, to speak in the parlance of our times, how a nice 6 pack of Lone Star beer would accompany a bucket full of fried chicken...

But all trans fats aside, it's really disgusting what's going on right now up on Yawkee Way.  I mean, it's bad enough that the Red Sox embarrassed themselves on the field, now the entire organization is doing i on the front pages, too.  Back stabbing, finger pointing, and the leaks.  Dear God, the leaks!  How else do you think a scathing piece, like the one Bob Hohler wrote for the Boston Globe this week, gets written?  IT's all about people covering their ass, and making sure that it's made clear that they weren't the one that was causing all the problems.  Apparently these rats aren't of the belief that essentially firing the head coach and the GM has already sent that message loud and clear...

That's the problem.  People are more concerned with placing and assessing blame than they are for owning up to what the problems actually are.  In this case, it seems the problems run all the way to the front office, which is probably why the front office is doing it's best to make sure the exact opposite opinion is being spread to the masses.  Namely team President & CEO, Larry Lucchino, whose longstanding and well deserved reputation for using the media to his advantage, have placed him at center stage.  Essentially, he's the "Sammy the Bull", or "Henry Hill", of this shit.  Except instead of squealing to the FEDs to avoid prosecution, he's squealing to the press, in order to avoid any persecution...

It's just embarrassing, is what it is.  Accusing the fiercely loyal manager of being distracted due to marital troubles and alleged pain killer abuse, floating stories about beer and fried chicken in the clubhouse?  It's the behavior of a front office that knows that ultimately, they're the ones who should be shouldering a good portion of the blame.  It's just apparent that they want none of that, and have instead opted for a straight up smear campaign.  That's why I'm worried going forward.  It's obvious that Lucchino would rather have this organization set up as a puppet regime, with Ben Cherington already installed as the latest puppet, and it's also pretty clear that owner, John Henry, is content with him doing exactly that.  And why not?  They've made a ton of money doing things that way over the last 10 years, and in the end, that's what this business is all about...

Cherington, Hoyer and Lucchino with some of the most awkward smiles I've ever seen...
I'll even go as far as to say that I think upper management was actually happy that an opportunity arose that allowed Theo Epstein to realistically leave the team.  Why?  Not due to lack of success or differences of opinion, but because he'd become too big to give orders too.  They want a guy that's new to the job, and in their eyes, much more receptive to their ideas.  Ya know, a lot like Theo was when he first came in.  Now I know Ben Cherington has been in the organization since '98, so you could argue he has experience, but as the only member of Theo's staff that's never really been sought out by other clubs (Byrnes, Hoyer), he certainly seems to fit the bill as someone who should be easily nudged in one direction or another, depending on ownership's whims...

I know it's business, but there are right ways to doing things, and there are wrong ways.  Ripping everyone on their way out the door?  Not the right way to do things.  IT makes the accuser look petty and weak, and when the accuser is management, it gives the impression that the organization is very unstable.  That's my worry here.  Not the fried chicken, not Tito's alleged road hoes (although I'm not giving Tito or the players a pass).  The fact that management feels so vulnerable in this situation, and apparently lacks so much confidence in their decisions, that they need to make it appear that it was everyone, except for themselves, who were the reason why the season, and at least temporarily the organization, came crumbling down the way it did...

Nothing a few duck boat rides won't cure...
You know the phrase, "you don't wanna see how the sausage is made"?  Well, we just took a look at the process.  And while the sales staff and the workers may not have been doing their best to sell the sausage, the fact that we now know that ownership was is the back filling those intestines with shit, is what's really making this whole thing that much harder to stomach.  We know it's a messy process, the hiring and firing of people and the running of a major sports franchise, but when the mess is created deliberately?  Well that's something that tends to turn people off.  Myself included...

They have had a good run, though.  Talking about Henry, Lucchino & Tom Werner, and this behavior is really nothing new.  It's never unfolded in such a disastrous fashion, but it's not like we haven't seen this behavior out of them before.  So by that logic, as much as I don't approve of their tactics, there's no reason to believe they can't again get things headed in the right direction.  I mean, aren't they kind of right back where they started when they took over?  Team in turmoil with some good pieces and a new GM?  Sure, some of those pieces might have forced their way out of town with their actions (Beckett, Lackey, Lester?), and the turmoil might be greater than it's ever been, but it's not like they're in completely unfamiliar waters.  Question is, is can they win the PR battle fast enough as to where fans will again be willing to give them the benefit of the doubt?  If they can do that, all will be forgotten.  Because I've not only learned in my 28+ years that actions don't speak louder than words, but I've also learned that winning cures all ills.  And if they can get this team winning again, and close the door up to the butcher shop, then all should be right again in Red Sox Nation.  It won't erase history, but it will turn this embarrassing moment in time into just another colorful part of the team's storied history...

That's if they can win this PR battle.  Which is a battle that's just begun, and one where they now find themselves already losing in the court of public opinion.  Yep, it should be one Hell of an off season.  Keep the Bruins off the front pages, at least...


Now, take a look at how I make my sausage.  Wait, that didn't come out right.  OK, whatever.  Here are this week's picks.  Sure to make more than enough money to buy all the sausage you need...or to use to have the image of Larry Lucchino making shit sausage removed from your brain.  Either way.  How you spend it is up to you...

Enjoy...

Friday, October 07, 2011

Week 5 Picks: The Bruins are Back & There's Gonna be Trouble...


I can't believe I didn't see this coming.  No, not the Lions at 4-0 and the Redskins at 3-1.  I actually saw that coming (thank you shady Rex Grossman prediction that I decided was too outrageous not to believe).  I'm not the Yankees losing in the ALDS, either, even though I predicted before the season that they would win the World Series by beating the Phillies in 7 games (Detroit is just pitching too well right now).  And I'm definitely not talking about the turmoil with the Red Sox front office.  Granted, I didn't predict their collapse or that Tito would be fired, but as with any sports fan, I've ceased to be surprised by any moves made by the guys in suits and ties.  Nope, what I can't believe, is that I wasn't prepared.  For what, you ask?  Well, for the fact that all the sports media outlets in this state were going to actually attempt to cover the Bruins for an entire season this year...

Yep, I feel like a dope.  I mean, who knew the NHL season started in October, anyway?  Certainly not this guy, and I've been glued to the Boston sports scene for the majority of my life.  Guess I just figured, that if the Bruins  fans are as loyal and dedicated as I've been led to believe, then there should be no reason why the coverage of the team this year is any different than the coverage of the team from last year.  Ya know, only talk about them for the last month of the playoffs, and otherwise, completely ignore them?  Yeah, I guess that's not the way they're going to be doing things anymore.  Weird.  And here I was thinking that was such a good strategy...

So, yeah.  Needless to say, my sports radio trigger finger is going to have to be at the ready earlier than usual this year, lest I wanna hear QB's and middle infielders talk about a sport that just one year ago they were laughing right off of their daily agenda.  And I know this is a rant that you've all heard from me before, but seriously, I think an entire season of this bull shit may border on unbearable...

Thankfully, I'm not too worried, because I think the "fans" interest will wane considerably even without the NBA to distract them, but it's still something I'd rather not have to deal with.  Luckily, we still have a good 3 months where the NFL should dominate most of the discussion.  By then, with any luck, the B's will have shot themselves in the foot, and without the NBA, the local sports guys will find it in their best interest to start talking some college hoops.  Sure, they don't know any more about that up here than they do about hockey, but at least it would be a topic that I'd be able to intelligently insult them on...

Ahh, but I'm livin' in a dream world.  This town's all in with the Bruins for at least the next 3 years (and drawing dead, I might add), and for the life of me I don't know why I didn't see this comin'.  Oh well, at least I can keep Rooch Nation a hockey free zone, and that's exactly what I intend to do.  Ya know, except for the occasional dig, such as this.  So enjoy this Eurotrash free experience, my friends, and take a look at my picks for this week's games involving players whose last name's you can actually pronounce...

Oh, and did I mention it's Jets Week?  Yeah, because that's happening...

Here are the picks, kids.  So get your pens out, and enjoy...

Tuesday, October 04, 2011

Stoking the Fire as Boston Burns...


So, apparently Boston is burning.  At least from a baseball perspective. Terry Francona was fired...or maybe he just left; Theo Epstein could be next out the door...or possibly in line for a contract extension; and a main talking point among the fans and media is the alleged beer drinking in the clubhouse.  So yeah, Boston is burning.  It's a fire that appears to have been lit, and now managed, by a limbless pyromaniac, but there's no doubt that it should burn well through the Winter, and still be smoldering when the Red Sox arrive in Fort Myers for Spring Training...

MIA
That being said, I don't really have too much to say about the current state of affairs with that team, other than to say that how they're handling things right now is flat out embarrassing.  Airing private business in the press, pointing fingers, dragging feet (paging John Henry?).  It's just not reflective of how a good business should be run, and it has me worried that the problems with this team flow straight through to the top.  And that, obviously, would be the worst revelation of all.  Screw the fact that the pitchers are drinking on their off days, if this collapse exposes the fact that this is a severely flawed front office, whose main focus is no longer winning World Series titles?  Well that could be the end of the honeymoon for Theo and the Trio in the eyes of Red Sox Nation.  Then not only will the collapse be viewed as the end of the line for Terry Francona, but also the end of a very successful era in Red Sox baseball...

Seymour-Hoffman can play Maddon, too...
But that's putting the cart way before the horse, as the saying goes, and it's doing something I absolutely loathe doing, which is making needless predictions.  Do I think the front office is flawed, and my premonition is closer to reality than many people might think?  Sure I do, but with so much of the story left to play out, I'd rather take a wait and see attitude, than open my mouth and immediately look the fool.  Ya know, like if Theo bolts (or preferably, they can him) to Chicago and they raid Tampa Bay for Joe Maddon and Andrew Friedman (Get learned, because he just may be the Jewish Billy Beane. I even hear the book "Matzahball: Beating the Goy at Their Own Game" is in the works).  Then, I'll want to sing their praises.  So I choose not to rip them all now, even though at the current time, their actions aren't exactly instilling a lot of confidence...

So that's my limited take on the Red Sox, right now.  Probably not as detailed as many of you would have liked, but it's just too soon for me to make any sort of call, one way or another.  There won't be any shortage of news to follow, though, so make sure you check back here periodically, so that when something actually does happen surrounding this team, you'll be sure to be kept in the loop.  And trust me, when all the dust has settled, I'll actually have a take on all that's gone down.  Until then, you'll just have to get by on the fact that I'm helping you win money betting on football.  Which I am, and you're welcome...

NFL Picks
Last Week: 11-8-0

Overall: 46-32-2 (.588)

NCAA Picks
Last Week: 5-5-0

Overall: 30-16-1 (.650)


More picks to come on Friday, so make sure you're there.  But until then, I'll catch you on the flipman...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, September 30, 2011

Week 4 Picks: Some Prenuptial Perspective...


Well, my friends.  I'm off to Long Island for the weekend, to attend the wedding of my good friend, Ian Hanbach.  Like, I'm literally about to walk out the door.  Which means I don't have a ton of time to spend this week verbalizing the reasoning behind my weekly picks.  Granted, I usually just use that time to somehow tie in jokes about transvestites, Meth & Kevin Pittsnogle, but either way, this week that's time I just don't have.  I'm not hanging you out to dry, though.  I've still got the advice that will help you towards a very fruitful weekend.  Or, at least, I'll make sure you have a better weekend than Terr Francona.  A low bar, perhaps, buy you have to start somewhere, and I have to touch on the fact that the head coach of the Red Sox could be fired at any minute, so here we are.  Two birds, one stone, and a bunch of football picks...

Good luck this weekend, kids.  And enjoy...

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Week 3 Recap: Sox, Pats Not as Money as the Movie...


Quite the eventful weekend, here in Rooch Nation.  Saw a movie about a team with no money that when on an epic winning streak, while at the same time watching another team, with a ton of money, continue to perform an equally epic collapse.  I guess you could say, it was an interesting study in contrasts.  And by "interesting", I mean I don't think at this point even I want the Red Sox to make the playoffs anymore...

That, and I'll touch on the Patriots.  Maybe some other stuff, too, if time permits...

Friday, September 23, 2011

Week 3 Picks: The Fitzbook

So, has the new Facebook format got you down?  Wondering how it is you can switch things back to the way they used to be?  Well, I've got just what you're looking for.  No, I don't know how to switch your news feed back to the way it once was (pretty sure you can't), and I'm not sure why a site that's user base is often lauding it's efficient simplicity ("No Disneyland, no LIVE nude girls" The Social Network) would want to perform such a massive aesthetic overhaul, but I can offer you this:  A respite from it all, and a chance to make some money...

Yep, for those of you that came here thinking I'd be able to help you restore the order of your social network, you've been had.  I just know that so many people are addicted to the freakin' site, and upset about it's changes, that I'd probably garner at least 100 more hits for this post if I just feigned that I had some sort of solution to the problem.  Which at this point it should be painfully obvious, that I do not.  I am going to work Mark Zuckerberg into my NFL picks this week, though, so I guess it's not all for not...

Oh, and for what it's worth, I'm guessing that people will eventually come around to this new format on Facebook.  For one, because like I said before, people are just flat out addicted.  But also because it seems to be bringing a lot more "Twitter" elements to the table in the form of it's new Ticker.  A feature I think people are going to quickly realized they are very pumped for, no matter how distracting it currently is.  When Facebook buys Twitter, that will suck, because then all the Teds that've been ripping Twitter this whole time will start abusing and misusing it the same way they do Facebook.  But that's a different worry for a different day...

For now, all you should be worried about is where your money is going to land this weekend, and why.  Those answers, I've got for you in spades, as we put "Zuckerberg's Famous Pig" in our rear view, and go headlong into this week's picks...

Enjoy...

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Week 2 Recap: Some Premature Evaluations...


If we're to believe the old adage that "actions speak louder than words", then the following statements must be true.  Carl Crawford's not sorry for his performance, Chad Ochocinco is, The Big East may have seen it's last days, and Boston Bruin supporters may have possibly reached the the pole position for the most hypocritical fan base in all of sports...

I'll have an explanation of all that,  a few notes from around the NFL (or maybe just Foxboro), and a numerical reminder to you all at how good I am at picking football games against the spread.  So get to readin' pimps, before big Vince tracks you down.  Just had to mention that so I could use that picture.  Too good...

Friday, September 16, 2011

Week 2 NFL Picks: Don't Hate the Tweeter..


You know what's awesome?  Twitter.  And you know why?  Because it creates stories where there weren't any stories before.  And for someone like yours truly, the more stories, the better.  Problem is, is that with so many stories being floated around on Twitter, and so many athletes now using the medium to speak their minds at an ever increasing rate, it gets tougher to tell what's worthy of reporting and reacting to, and what's not...

That, my friends, is where Tedy Bruschi ran into some trouble, this week.  He took a tweet from Chad Ochocinco, talking about how in awe he was after his first regular season glimpse of the Patriots' offense, and Tedy jumped all over him for being unprepared, too talkative, and  for not handling his business in the "Patriot Way".  Well, Tedy, I hate to break it yo ya, but I'm pretty sure the problem with this whole issue is completely on your end.  Sure, I'll admit that Chad hasn't exactly been the player a lot of people expected when he was first signed, but the comment he made on Twitter by no means warranted the shit storm that Bruschi single-handedly decided to bring down on him.  And to be honest, I have to think a lot of Tedy's anger either comes from A) the fact that he's jealous he can no longer play, and can't stand seeing a Patriot act any other way than the way he acted when he played there OR B) He's got issues going on in his personal life that just led him to find someone he could easily put down to make himself feel better.  I tend to believe it's more "A" than anything else, but whatever the reason, I'm of the opinion that Bruschi's intent was a little less than genuine when he ultimately decided he wanted to go down this road...

Hey, Chad's an outspoken and entertainment-minded guy.  The Patriots knew this when they WENT OUT AND ACQUIRED him.  It's just who he is.  And while I'm sure Belichick and friends expected him to reign in his act somewhat once he arrived in Foxboro, I was never under the impression that muzzling him is what they had in mind.  And that's what Tedy seems to want.  He wants Chad to shut up, learn the playbook, and start doing things the "Patriot Way".  Me?  I just want the guy to help the team win the Super Bowl without serving as a distraction.  And as long as former Patriots stop unnecessarily throwing him onto the front pages, I think that's exactly what he'll be able to do.  Obviously not to the extent a lot of people had hoped (I for one only predicted about 40 catches), but probably more than he was able to deliver in his week 1 debut...
#throwmethebean

I'm not saying "get off his back", I'm just saying that if you're gonna get on him for something, make sure it's worth while.  Otherwise, as is usually the case, it's the messenger that will end up looking like the fool.  And in this instance, Tedy Bruschi, as much as it pains me to say it, that messenger is you, and your reaction was just flat out foolish...

But that's why Twitter is so great.  There wasn't a story, Twitter created one, and I was able to use that fabricated non-event as a nice little lead in to this week's post.  It's like the Interweb is some sort of ecosystem, and I'm the vulture left to clean up the scraps from the vicious predators above me on the food chain.  And thankfully for me, these predators aren't nearly as proficient as their animal kingdom counterparts, leaving me all the more to pick and prod at as I try to for my opinion...

Speaking of picking and prodding, the reason I'm sure you've all ventured here, this lovely Friday, is for my latest batch of picks.  You want money, you wanna look smart, you wanna be the lion on this football food chain, and I'm here to help.  So hakuna matata, my friends.  IT means "no worries", and you can drop yours at the door as you take a look at the picks that are sure to make you the pride of...well, of your "pride", if I'm really gonna go all the way with that metaphor.  An seeing as I already quoted the Lion King, I think that's exactly what I have to do...

Enjoy, my friends.  Now let's get rich...

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Week 1 Recap: LIVE From the Woodshed...


You know how I know it was week 1?  Because I got taken to the woodshed in virtually every football related thing I attempted to do.  Picks, fantasy stuff, it was all pretty much for naught, as yet another week 1 announced it's presence to me, as it usually does, with a nice cold hard dose of reality smacked right upside my well structured face.  Even screwed with my beginnings of a beard  But I'm not sweatin' it...

After all, this is what happens every year, and every year I find a way to ultimately end up crushing my competition, and helping my clientele.  It just tends to take some time.  As the saying goes, "Rome wasn't built in a day".  I'm also fond of the saying, "I came to chew gum and kick ass, and I'm out of gum", but I'll deal with that later in the week when I get to righting the ship with my latest batch of picks.  For now, let's hit up some news and notes from the weekend.  It was, after all, a rather glorious return to the sport we love.  Even if, more often than not, it tends to treat us like it's bottom bitch...

So let's get to pimpin'...

Friday, September 09, 2011

NFL Week 1 Picks: Son of a Meach...


Well, my friends.  Football is finally back.  And if last night were any indication, we're going to be in for another typically epic season.  Aaron Rodgers (though no longer my personal fantasy mans 'n them) and Drew Brees didn't take long to remind us of what we'd been missing, and I got my fantasy campaign started in style with a Robert Meachem touchdown...which led to what will no doubt be a season long exercise in coming up with hilarious fantasy team names based around his name.  "Hot for Meacher", "Meaches & Herb", and the Rhode Island friendly "Side by Meach" are the early front runners...

Not exactly inspiring...
Last night also indicated that the Red Sox might be in for an equally epic stretch run, but unfortunately that's looking like it could be epic for all the wrong reasons.  No time for that today, though.  Because while the Sox may be stumbling, it's football that's on every one's mind, and I'm here to feed the need with the season's first edition of my weekly picks...


Now, in years past, I've usually done an NFL preview in advance of my weekly picks, but in lieu of time, and considering the fact that I've now become a person who essentially despises pre season predictions (making decisions without any real evidence just isn't my bag), I've opted for a "Power Rankings" type of write up, complete with the pick and a sentence or two (or 5) about the teams involved.  Lazy?  Perhaps.  But user friendly?  You bet your beard it is...

So get your pens out, kids, or whatever implement it is you use to mark down your picks, cuz we're about to dive headlong into another exciting NFL season.  And your man here is ready to give you all the winners that'll sure to keep you walkin' tall around the Keurig machine come Monday morning.  That's right, it's the new water cooler.  Or the water cooler for yuppies, if you will....

Whatever your beverage of choice, you'll be drinkin' it with a smile on your face.  Here's to hopin' we'll be smiling together, and you just won't be smiling at my pitiful performance.  Know what I mean, Meaches 'n Cream?...

Enjoy...

Friday, September 02, 2011

Sox, Pats, and the Value of Verlander...


Apparently, all it takes to get me back in the groove, is a major hurricane romping up and down the East Coast...and a Sox/Yanks series, a spirited fantasy football draft, and an even more spirited discussion during said draft, about a certain baseball award.  Yep, you're man is back in top form, and he's ready to preach the truth.  And it's not like the truth those Jehovah's Witness's have been pedaling around the greater Attleboro area, this past week.  Trying to pray on people that don't have power, those tricky, self righteous bastards.  No, it's the real truth.  Or, ya know, at least my version of it...

So, friends.  You gotta ask yourself.  Are you ready for the coming of Rooch Nation?  I'm sure you are.  But even if you're not, take a spin through my latest gospel and I'm sure I'll have made you a convert before the sermon is through...

Now get your read on, my followers, because the last thing you want is to not be prepared when the man comes to pass judgement on you.  And I think we all know that I'll be coming to pass judgement.  After all, it's what I do best...

Enjoy...

Thursday, August 25, 2011

News and Notes: Sox, Pats & Summitt...


Maybe it's the proverbial, or in this case the literal, "calm before the storm", I'm not sure.  But even with the Sox and Yanks predictably taking things down to the wire, and the NFL just a few weeks away, I find myself in yet another one of those holding patterns.  I'm not disinterested, mind you, it's just that nothing in the news this week has particularly struck my fancy.  At least not to the point where it got me inspired to write.  It's probably because the Sox have all but wrapped up a playoff spot, the early returns on the Patriots have been great, and the whole "booster gate" story doesn't interest me.  But whatever the reasons, that's my current state of mind.  That's why this week's post will have more of a "news and notes" type feel, as opposed to the "meth themed" opuses you've gotten used to finding here, and hopefully come to enjoy...

So get your read on, friends, and enjoy the calm before the storm with this abbreviated version of this week's Rooch Nation.  Well, abbreviated by my standards...