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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Taking Time To Pop My Collar(s)



Well, my friends, this past weekend was a disaster of Titanic proportions for the team here at Rooch Nation.  And by team, I mean me.  Sure there's also my Webmaster, Kevin Tomasso, but seeing as he isn't responsible for any of my picks, and is at the current time having enough difficulties switching his Yahoo! Fantasy Sports profile photo, we'll just leave him out of this discussion all together.  Oh and on an unrelated note, I may need a more experienced Webmaster, so feel free to inquire within...

All pot shots at Frosco aside, this weekend really was one of the worst I've experienced since I started making picks, and it's got me to thinkin' about what action is necessary in order to right the ship.  But before I could outsmart myself, I remembered something a wise man once told me in regards to betting on sports...  


"Constantly changing your strategy is a surefire way to lose."

That wise man?  It was me.  And as a refreshing change of pace, I've decided to take my own advice.  Last thing I wanna do is to be constantly chasing new trends and end up like Teddy Zoolander up there.  Who oddly and appropriately enough looks a lot like a sports betting degenerate I used to know, and one whose tendencies I am now taking great pains to avoid following.  On the other hand, while you don't need to change your strategy, you'd also be foolish not to adjust how you implement it based on the information you have at your disposal.  Like for instance, maybe popping one collar would be OK, but it's when you go overboard in trying to constantly being on top of every little thing that end up looking like the over zealous idiot above (who on a side note must be sweatin' like a Sudanese hooker)...    

So while I am, in essence, taking a half week off here to "lick my wounds", you shouldn't in any way read this as the slightest sign of defeat or a radical change in thinking.  I may be down, but you best believe I'm far from out.  And I'll be back on Friday, primed for a week that would make handicapping legend Hammerin' Hank Goldberg blush.  OK, he's always red because he's always "hammered", but it's gonna be a sight man, so I suggest you check it out...

Oh and I'll have plenty to say about the Patriots and the rest of the league on Friday, too, if that's what you came here today hoping to find.  I'm sure you can already imagine what I have to say about the Pats 38-30 win over the Bills, but seeing as you can't possibly imagine the hilarious puns and comparisons I'm going to slip in there, it'll definitely be in your best interest to give Rooch Nation another click on the ole browser come Friday around lunch.  That, and I plan on helping you recoup all the money I've helped you lose so far.  Ya know, because I don't want you to put lit cigs out on my person when you see me at Thanksgiving because you lost a bunch of cash taking my advice.  So you know, I'm additionally motivated by the fear of friendly mutilation.  And that's always an enticing incentive if you ask me... 

Until then, keep your head up and your collar(s) down, and everything should work out just fine.  And even if it doesn't, it'll probably be humorous enough along the way to make it all worth while...

Be good, friends.


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, September 24, 2010

NFL Week 3 Picks: And Here's the Pitch...



By and large, I'm usually of the opinion that having a "theme" is a good thing.  Whether it's a good theme song, a solid desktop theme, or even a matching outfit, themes seem to feed my craving for creative consistency.  Not only that, but when something has a theme, and more importantly, when that theme is well executed, it just seems to make whatever experience is at hand all that more enjoyable...

So with that being the case, I've decided to go with a theme for this week's NFL Picks.  And in feeding off of the positive reaction I received from this week's earlier post that dealt with TV and movie reviews, I've decided that this week's theme is going to be centered around something that continues right along those lines.  The theme?  TV pitchmen.  Or I should say, the latest influx of so many similar TV pitchmen...

I've noticed that ever since the rise of Dos Equis' 'Most Interesting Man In the World', a lot of copycats have emerged with the same type of persona (half everyman and half superman) and the industry's blatant lack of creativity has driven me to vent about it. I mean, would Donald Draper stand for this?  I think not.  OK sure, maybe if he were completely sauced out of his mind he might blurt out something like 'how bout we have Apollo Creed sell beer!', but other than that, I'm pretty sure he'd find all this repetition uninspiring and flat out lazy...


So in light of the fact that Don is a fictional character, I'm taking up his cause, and fighting the good fight.  So without further ado, it's time to get your pitch on.  And in the words of legendary baseball man, Bob Ueker, here's hoping you don't find my pitch "jussssst a bit outside".  Enjoy...           

Week 3 Picks

New England Patriots (-13) vs Buffalo Bills (SURVIVOR PICK)

There was a time not all that long ago that Tom Brady was "The Most Interesting Man In the World".  At least to New England fans.  He was bagging actresses, winning Super Bowls, and always seemed to have the right thing to say.  And while sharks didn't have a week dedicated to him, Patriot fans made it so virtually every day was a day dedicated to him and his greatness.  Now?  Well now his reputation has gone the way of that poster up there.  He's still doing what he's always done, it's just that now things aren't running as seamlessly as they have in the past.  This week, while I don't feel that's going to change in any drastic way, I get the impression that even a drunkenly violent 'Most Interesting Man In the World' won't have too much trouble toppling the lowly Buffalo Bills at the "friendly" confines of Gillette Stadium...

And if the Pats don't happen to beat the Bills by at least 13 points on Sunday, well let's just say I'll be speaking 'English in French' when I next address their outlook for the remainder of the season...     


Philadelphia Eagles (-2.5) @ Jacksnoville Jaguars + OVER 44

Flip-flip-flip-adelphia.  Flip-flip-flip-adelphia.

I figure with the Eagles flipping the script and deciding to run with the #1 dog killer as their QB, who better to serve as their pitchman than the good folks at It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia?

Now anyone that watches the show with some regularity can tell you that while the show doesn't have a pitchman per say, Charlie Day's "GreenMan" character has seemingly come to embody everything the show has to offer.  And what made GreenMan relevant this week, is the fact that a new version of this character has emerged through the creative mind of one particular Philadelphia Phillies fan.  His name, is "RedMan".  And no, I'm not talking about the rapper who is often confused as a member of Wu Tang.  "RedMan", in this case, was the brainchild of 17 year old, Sean Hagan, who took to the field of a Braves/Phillies game on Monday night and was quickly clotheslined by Braves OF Matt Diaz and promptly hauled off to prison (hilarious commentary in that video clip btw).  And while I'm not usually in favor of seeing fans run onto the field, even I had a chuckle when I saw that...

SO, the logic?  I figure Mike Vick knows a lot about going to prison for a cause, so I'm taking the Eagles and the points as the make the arduous journey down to Jacksonville.  That, and I just think they're the better team.  And hey, a full body unitard never hurt anybody's cause.  OK, well almost anybody...


Kansas City Chiefs (+3) vs San Fransisco 49ers

Now if you think I'm going for the cheap "Billy Mays is dead" joke here, you're absolutely right.  Matt Cassel, you are the Vince Offer(?) to Tom Brady's Billy Mays, and you always will be.  When Tom "died", Matt was there to pick up the slack, all be it in a less impressive fashion.  Thankfully he wasn't as creepy as Mr. Offer, but for today's purposes that comparison will do just fine...

This game also features another theme, and one that I spoke of when attempting to explain why I did so crappy last week.  More of a trend, if you will.  And that trend says the smart money is always against the team that just played on Monday Night.  Especially when that team has to travel a good chunk of the way across the country to play, and especially when they are a road favorite.  Granted the Chiefs are the very team that burned me with this thinking last week when they beat the Browns by 2 after winning on Monday Night, but that doesn't mean the trend isn't still a good one to follow.  Besides, the Chiefs were road underdogs in that instance, so that game didn't exactly meet all the criteria...

And one more thing.  What kind of name is Vince Offer?!  Was 'Ted Pitchman' taken, or something?  Please.  Talk about lack of creativity.  Don would be smackin' this guy up and down Madison Avenue...after he finished drinking booze and womanizing, that is...  



Houston Texans (-2.5) vs Dallas Cowboys

The new Orbitz pitch guy, who judging by his name tag may very well be some kind of Polish super hero (makes sense), is probably the biggest Ted there is in the ad game these days.  And that's why I've teamed him up with Tony Romo and the Dallas Cowboys.  That, and I needed a pitchman to match up with this game that I was definitely going to pick, and this was the best I could come up with.  Meh, whatever.  Romo is a Ted, and his team's gonna drop to 0-3.  Creative?  Maybe not.  But that reasoning is good enough for me.  Good enough, in fact, to make the Houston Texans my first LOCK OF THE WEEK...

Hahahah and now I'm just laughing at what potential powers a Polish superhero might have.  Ahhh prejudicial jokes.  They're always funny...




Indianapolis Colts @ Denver Broncos OVER 48

When it comes to scoring, I figure there's no better spokesman than the guy on the horse from the Old Spice ads.  And believe me when I tell you, this game is going to feature an ass load of scoring.  Not only is Peyton Manning a thoroughbred of Secretarian proportions, but between a lackluster Indy defense and a banged up Denver secondary, this game is just has all the makings of a high scoring shootout.  Not only that, but in case you didn't know, a "Bronco" is a horse.  So this one works on multiple levels.  A trait I always look for when trying to recognize a solid theme.  Matter of fact, if that guy on the horse were to have sex with said horse, I'm pretty sure that result would be former Bronco tight end, Shannon Sharpe.  So now it works on 3 levels.  BAM!...    




Miami Dolphins (-2) vs New York Jets

This next comparison goes to prove that just because you're on TV a bunch, doesn't mean it's because people want to see you.  That's right, New York Jets, I'm talking about you...

Between his 2 different interview style shows on BIO, his new sitcom, and his Priceline ads, William Shatner has gone from an under appreciated novelty, to an overexposed blowhard.  Much like the Jets after their very entertaining turn on HBO's 'Hard Knocks'.  And much like the predictable fate of Shatner's latest TV ventures, I've been preaching all year that the Jets are bound to flame out.  And while losing this game wouldn't signal the end of the Jets by a long shot, I feel it's just a matter of time before their "ra-ra" style employed by Rex Ryan gets old and leads to the team's demise...

All that being said, I like the Dolphins this week for the same reason many of my peers liked the Jets last week.  Though they're already off to a great 2-0 start, they feel like they need this game in order to legitimize themselves as AFC contenders.  Combined that with the fact the Jets are coming off an emotional win of their own, and still dealing with the fallout from the Jailon Edwards Drunk Bus incident, and I feel confident enough not only to take the Phins and the points, but make it my second LOCK OF THE WEEK...



Detroit Lions (+11) @ Minnesota Vikings

And finally, we have this gem.  And I know what you're saying.  "Rooch, this ad, while hilarious, is ridiculously old and doesn't seem to fit your theme".  Ahhh, well that's where you would be mistaken, my friends.  See, for my entire life, I've always had trouble discerning between Billy Dee Williams (above) and Carl Weathers, who's now the news spokesman for Bud Light beer.  Lucky for me, in this instance I'm able to use my confusion to my advantage...

I liken Bud Light's decision to bring in an aging Apollo Creed to the decision the Vikings made when deciding to bring back an aging Brett Favre.  It's like some old guy in the front office owed somebody a favor from like 1985, and this is the result.  And while on the surface it seems like a good idea, the fact remains that the guy chosen for the job is just too damn old to get the damn thing done...

Now I'm not making the bold prediction that the Lions are actually going to win this game, just like I'm not going to predict people will stop drinking Bud Light just because they have a spokesman that nobody under the age of 25 can probably recognize.  But what I will predict is that Detroit keeps this game a lot closer than the 11 point spread would suggest.  Kind of like a Rocky fight.  Close to the end, until the obvious happens and the team we all thought would win eventually takes it down like they would a smooth and refreshing Colt 45.  Damn, Billy Dee.  Malt liquor in a can never looked so good...        


The rest of these games either didn't inspire enough confidence for me to make them a Top Pick, or they simply didn't conveniently lend themselves to my pitchman parody.  Either way, here's my take on the rest of this week's slate of games...

New Orleans Saints (-4) vs Atlanta Falcons

New York Giants (-3) vs Tennessee Titans

Tampa Bay Buccaneers (+3) vs Pittsburgh Steelers

Cincinnati Bengals (-3) @ Carolina Panthers

Baltimore Ravens (-10.5) vs Cleveland Browns

St. Louis Rams (+3.5) vs Washington Redskins

Oakland Raiders (+4.5) @ Arizona Cardinals

San Diego Chargers (-5.5) @ Seattle Seahawks



Monday Night
Green Bay Packers (-3) @ Chicago Bears OVER 46

When I typed "beard sponsor" into Google Images in hopes of finding a pitchman to team with Aaron Rodgers and the Green Bay Packers, this is what they gave me.  So I'm goin' with it.  And while I'm usually hesitant to take what looks like a gimmie of an OVER, I'll use the 'pumped up for Monday Night' excuse to rationalize my selection.  That, and I know I'm gonna probably need every freakin' point I can get from Aaron Rodgers in order to pull out a victory in my fantasy football match up.  So is it a self serving pick?  Somewhat.  But to write it off as me simply sending positive vibes to my fantasy QB would be about as shortsighted as...well as shortsighted as the guy I chose as the pitchman for this week's NCAA picks...


Last Week: 8-8-0 (Top Picks: 3-3-0)

Overall: 17-14-3 (.544)

Top Picks: 7-7-1 (.500)

Lock of the Week: 3-1-0



Not only is Beano Cook a legendary college football analyst, but for today's purposes he serves two distinct roles.  1) He's old and funny looking, which makes him an hilarious spokesman. AND 2) He's been pumping this week's tilt between Alabama and Arkansas since the middle of May.  So despite the fact I can smell his mothball odor through the Internet, I've pegged him as the perfect pitchman for this week's picks...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(10) Arkansas (+7) vs (1) Alabama

(24) Oregon St. (+17.5) @ (3) Boise St.

Arizona St. (+11) vs (5) Oregon

(7) Texas (-15) vs UCLA

(8) Oklahoma (-13.5) @ Cincinnati

(9) Florida (-14) vs Kentucky

(17) Auburn (-2.5) vs (12) South Carolina

(13) Utah (-28) vs San Jose St.

(14) Arizona (-6.5) vs California

(16) Stanford (-4.5) @ Notre Dame

(22) West Virginia (+11) @ (15) LSU

(23) Penn St. (-13.5) vs Temple


Last Week: 10-6-1

Overall: 18-14-1 (.561)


And there you have it, friends.  I hope you all enjoyed my trip through the world of lazy advertisers, and I wish you all the best of luck in your own ventures as we head towards yet another exciting weekend.  And if you find yourself drinking Colt 45 from a can this weekend while trying to figure out how Apollo Creed was cast in Star Wars, you know exactly who to thank...

Have a good one, peeps.  And I'll catch you on the flipman...


Teddy Williams...
Rollo_Soze...
100...

#$>

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Picking Up the Pieces...of a Diamond Encrusted Bra...


If I said I were surprised that I went 8-8 in my first week of picking NFL winners for WPRO's Matt Allen, I'd be lying to ya.  In all honesty, I fully expected to go 6-10 or 5-11...

That's just how I run, and fortunately, for my sanity, I've gotten quite used to it.  Like when 20 game winner, CC Sabathia, who was 9-0 at home this season, not once, but twice loaded the bases and allowed in a run before recording an out during the two weeks of my fantasy baseball playoffs.  Oh, and both outings were against the Baltimore Orioles, the team that's scored the 2nd fewest runs in Major League Baseball this season...

But I'm not here to bemoan my luck.  Matter of fact, if my luck holds true to form, not only will I bounce back nicely this week, but I should be headed for a fruitful campaign all the way around.  That's as long as I keep one very important thought at the forefront of my mind:

When it comes to picking games, it's all about your memory. In terms of trends, it should be long.  It terms of performance, it should be short.  And in both instances, it should be more detailed than a diamond encrusted brassiere.


This is mostly to say, that while a team's play from week to week is definitely something to keep an eye on, factors such as game location and match up history often end up being stronger indicators of a game's most likely outcome.  It's also to say that if you have a particular opinion of a team, you shouldn't drastically alter if from week to week, lest you just end up chasing your tail.  You know, like how every New England fan, spear headed by yours truly, conveniently forgot that their team remains inept in the 2nd half and picked them to handily crank the Jets in the face (oops)...

But you know what, it's OK if you let that type of thinking affect you when you're contemplating you're own team, but if you constantly get caught up in results and are always tinkering with your method, you're just gonna end up getting burned.  Sure, I went 8-8 last week, but two of those losses were by 2 points, and by teams that virtually nobody else in any given pool would have had winning.  So not only would I have been 10-6, but I would have made up at least 1 game on most of the people in front of me.  Now I know it doesn't matter how close the game was when it comes to picking winners, and that they were right and I was wrong, but do I really wanna drastically change my thought process because it put me on the wrong side of a couple 2 point games?  Games that were great risk/reward opportunities? Hell no.  The best you can do is have a sound strategy, enact it, and hope for the best.  I did that last week, and it didn't really work out.  But I'll be damned if that's gonna keep me from trying it again this week...

As I said last week when I quoted Matty in hope of drawing on what we now all KNOW was some much needed karma, "I said it.  I meant it.  And here I stand to represent it".  Accountability, baby.  It may not be as sexy as a diamond encrusted bra, but at least it won't gouge deep wounds into your significant other during intercourse...or something like that...

And I'm not sure what brought that diamond bra to mind, either.  What can I say?  I love me some vintage Heidi Klum.  Seal...I still haven't figured out yet.  But then again, I don't even think Vegas has a handle on that one yet...


Now for the rest of this week's post, I'm going to be doing things a little differently.  Instead of breaking things down and handing out grades, I'm just gonna hit you with a few short takes, a whole bunch of links, and quite the little collection of TV and movie reviews.  Hey, it's my blog, and this is what's on my mind.  And seeing as I'm not all that incline to talk about the Patriots, Red Sox, or the possum the decided to throw itself under the front of my car, this is what you get.  And you're gonna love it anyway, so I don't even know why I'm bothering to preface it.  Now get your read on, and enjoy...



Pats/Jets

I don't often defer to other people doing essentially the same thing I'm trying to do, but in lieu of giving you my take on the Patriots/Jets game on Sunday afternoon, I'm just gonna go ahead and let Tedy Bruschi & Mike Reiss do the talking for me.  Freakin' Reiss even picked the Jets to cover AND win, that crafty bastard.  I'll also let my buddy, Scott Cordischi, chime in.  He's got a take on "stoic Brady" that I think will resonate with a lot of frustrated Patriots' fans...

And for those Jet fans out there that might be looking for my Mark Sanchez mea culpa after his solid outing, you can keep lookin', but you ain't gonna find one.  You will find me laughing at how Darrelle Revis got burned and then had to leave the game, and how Braylon Edwards, despite his pimp beard, still continues to be one of the league's biggest Teds.  But I still say Mark Sancehz is at best a decent QB, and when the Jets miss the playoffs, his play is going to be pointed to as the main reason why...



Ohio Mascot Pulls Off Master Plan

For all the paranoid peeps out there that claim it's possible Muslim extremists put Barrack Obama in the White House, you're really not gonna be pumped for this story.  Basically, it's a kid who became the mascot at Ohio University, strictly so he could one day tackle the Ohio St. mascot, Brutus the Buckeye.  Talk about being dedicated to your cause.  It's like Squints from The Sandlot.  "Been plannin' it for years!"  Shady cause, but you have to admire his dedication.  At least I think you do...Yeah, you do...Mmmmmm. Wendy Peffercorn...

Suzyn + The Spear



I hate to admit it, but I do like to give credit where credit is due.  And she has been saying it for pretty much as long as I can remember.  Yankees color commentator, and the butt of many deserved jokes, Suzyn Waldman, has been saying for years that the new breed of bats, and their tendency to splinter, are one day going to get either a player or a fan killed.  Literally.  And she's right!  Whose to say that bat chunk that went through Tyler Colvin's jersey couldn't have just as easily hit him in the neck?  And what if that were JD Drew, and it were his neck the bat went through!  I don't know what I'd do with myself.  I'd be in hysterics!

But seriously.  If this doesn't open people's eyes to the fact that eventually something is going to have to be done regarding the safety of these bats, then I fear Suzyn's prediction is bound to come true.  And no, not the one that involves her, Roger Clemens, and George Steinbrenner's box.  He's dead, for crying out loud.  Get your head out of the gutter...

On a side note, the games the Rays and Yanks have been playing coming down the stretch have been pretty freakin' epic.  I know a lot of Sox fans don't wanna hear it, but it's been outstanding baseball to watch and a great representation of what pennant races are all about.  And while I kind of made light of The Boss's passing a few lines back, if you missed the ceremony honoring him last night at Yankee Stadium, you missed arguably one of the greatest moments of the 2010 season.  I grew up hating Steinbrenner, but the older I got, the more I came to respect him.  For better and worse, he was the best owner professional sports has ever seen.  Period.  And the ceremony to honor him did all it could to live up to his larger than life legend.  As a fan of a team, there's nothing I want more than to see my team's owner doing everything they can to win.  And misguided as he sometimes was, George's heart was seemingly always in the right place.  That's really all you can ask for.  He was selfish, because that's what his constituency demanded.  And that made the times they won together, all the more sweet...

RIP George.  The sports world is a better than when you found it, but will never be the same now that you've left it...


OK, now it's time to get my movie and TV review on.  I was inspired this weekend by a fireside chat with some friends to get some reviews out there, as dated as they may be, and while the story of how the cops arrived and said they heard reports that our 10 person get together was really a house party with a live band might make for a more interesting story, I'm afraid you're just going to have to settle for these...

Boardwalk Empire

I've come to realize you need to temper your expectations when it comes to premiers of shows such as Boardwalk Empire.  Which is to say, one with so many intricacies and complex characters.  You need at least 3 episodes to set the scene and get the feel for the show before you can really determine if it's any good.  Well, so far so good.  Aside from my beef with the uncharacteristically bad opening credits (at least by HBO standards), I really enjoyed pretty much everything Boardwalk Empire had to offer.  The table is set, with a great backdrop and a lot of historically interesting characters, and now we just wait to see what's for dinner.  I'd be shocked if this show came to regularly disappoint, but it's all going to be about how close we get to these characters, and then how affected we are by the choices they ultimately make.  And judging by the pilot, I don't really foresee that being too much of any issue...

Oh and on a side note.  Stephen Graham is fast becoming one of my favorite actors, and could very well be the best character actor this gangster genre has to offer.  Almost like the Mike Madsen of his own time, if you will.  Even though they are essentially contemporaries.  I just really like him, and his latest turn as a young Al Capone is yet another in a string of impressive performances...

Mad Men

I heard two different people say this very thing this week: "People say they like Mad Men just because they want to sound like they're smart".

And I got $20 that says neither of those people have finished a book cover to cover since they turned 21.  No need to hate.  If you don't like it, you don't like it.  That's cool.  It just tells me that when you sit down to watch TV, you're looking for mindless entertainment.  And that's fine.  That's why they created Dancing With Jersey White Trash and a Bunch of Ex Athletes.  So go watch that, and knock yourself out.  just keep my show's name out of your mouth.  Remember, I'm the Don Draper of this bitch.  And unless you want me to put a cig out on your hand after I finish my rum French toast, then you better stay in line...

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Harping back to what I talked about at the top of the post, this show is really hit or miss from week to week. And this week, the season opening episode was a big time MISS.  Not sure if it was that the characters seemed to serious or that the plot line was just a dud, but whatever it was, I wasn't diggin' it.  But again, just like with an NFL team, I'm not gonna write this show off after one bad week.  Like I said, it's usually hit or miss for me, anyway.  So I'd expect that sooner rather than later they're gonna hit me with another "WILD CARD!" that's gonna have me rolling in the aisle...

Now on to a few movies.  I suffered through them, so I feel they owe this to me...  


Year One

The one thought I had while watching this movie was "Really, Harold Ramis?  Didn't you write CaddyShack!?!"

Year One: It's so bad, you need to watch the first 10 minutes just to make sure you still know what a bad movie looks like.  Then you need to turn it off immediately...

The Wrestler

Don't get me wrong, I was as pumped to see Marisa Tomei constantly naked as the next guy, but other than that I thought this movie was a total dud.  Maybe it's because I've never been into wrestling, or that I don't think the mere fact that Mickey Rourke isn't dead is all that impressive, but for whatever reason I just didn't see what all the hype was about.  I liken it to my long time take on Napolean Dynamite.  Which I might add NOBODY ever talks about anymore, despite how legendarily hilarious everyone claimed it was.  It's not shocking for me to find out that's the life a wrestler lives, just like I wasn't shocked to find out that's what social rejects were doing when I wasn't around.  Maybe that's because I had good parents who raised me to see these things, I don't know, but revealing to me that wrestlers lead sorted lives filled with drugs, booze, hookers and broken homes just isn't gonna do it for me...


The Invention of Lying

As far as romantic comedies go, this one even had yours truly wishing I had a girlfriend to watch it with.  It was that good.  Again...as far as romantic comedies go.  All you need to take away from this movie is that Ricky Gervais is funny, and you need to see more of his work.  And trust me, after watching this, that's exactly what you're going to want to do...


(500) Days of Summer

I used this movie to test my man love for Joseph Gordon Levitt.  A result that was ultimately killed anyway when I saw the above photo.  But I digress.  The result of my man love test?  FAIL.  I mean, it was better than Year One...and maybe Spice World...but that's probably about it.  Nah, that's harsh.  But seriously, don't watch it unless it's on the night you plan on ending your own life.  And even then, I'd at least watch like the Godfather or somethin'.  Something long and good with a lot of dark scenes.  That should set the mood...


So there you have it, my good friends.  Another Nation in the books.  As usual, I hope you found my insight helpful, and I hope you make sure to check back on Friday for whats now promised to be one of, if not MY BEST week of picking games in the history of Rooch Nation.  Unless of course it's not, in which case I'm sure I'll have enough mildly funny reasons as to how it all went wrong, and I'll be able to pass that on to you, my loyal subjects...

But until then, just be weary of any girl that brings stones into your bed, and keep an eye on your blindside for an oncoming mascots...or for Braylon Edwards, "The Bearded Booze Bandit".  Either way, keep an eye out, or shit could get ugly.  And not "Seal's face" ugly, either .  But I guess you already knew that...

Have a good week, kids!

Teddy Williams...
100...


#$>

Friday, September 17, 2010

NFL Week 2 Picks: Sometimes, It Takes Two Nations...


Well kids, it happened.  My picks were put on blast over the radio air waves yesterday afternoon, and now it's time for me to prove my worth to the masses.  OK, so maybe the fact my picks were read on the air by a local Providence radio station isn't the exposure I'm ultimately looking for, but it does provide a little added incentive to do well this week.  And while normally I'd be self conscious about the karmic implications that come with directly sharing my advice with a coworker, the namesake of this particular partner in crime has provided me less with a sense of worry, and more with an extra boost of self confidence...

His name, is Matt Allen.  Host of "The Matt Allen Show" weeknights from 6-9 on 630 WPRO & 99.7 FM, but more importantly, creator and leader of the "Matt Allen Nation".  You see the tie in there?  He's got a Nation, and so do I.  Sure his Nation may be more politically aware and definitely more politically correct, but much like yours truly, he heads a group of outside the box thinkers that look to him for guidance and advice.  And as any good leader is want to do, Matt has turned to me in an effort to provide his loyal followers with the best advice when it comes to picking winners for the 2010 football season.  A wise decision by a man with wisdom well beyond his years, and a decision that, as Tom Brady as my witness, will prove for Matt and his legion of followers as a fruitful one...

So here we go.  Two Nations, and one set of picks.  And in the spirit of the Matt Allen Nation, and in an attempt to start this week off on the right foot, allow me to get things started with a popular saying of his.  Or at the very least, one that he was fond enough of to pass on to me.  One that, for today's purposes, will be referring to my picks and my analysis...

"I said it.  I meant it.  And here I stand to represent it".

You're damn straight.  There's nothing more refreshing than accountability.  Now let's get down to business...

Week 2 Picks

New England Patriots (-2.5) vs New York Jets

No better place to start than this one.  Not only is it by far the biggest game of the week, but in keeping with this week's theme, it's also the game I will be producing on Sunday for 630 WPRO & 99.7 FM...

And while it seems that I can't find a single reputable Boston media member that's taking the Pats this week, with or without the 2.5 points, not only am I siding with the homeboys, but I'm making them my Lock of the Week.  I don't buy into the fact that the Jets "can't start 0-2 at home", and since I never bought the fact that the Jets were a Super Bowl contender, that makes this pick all that much more simple...

I respect the Jets defense, I really do, but between the Pats offensive display last week and Mark Sanchez' continued inability to perform like even a decent D1 QB, I think taking the Pats as a field goal favorite on the road is still a pretty solid play.  I worry a little about how the suddenly heralded New England defense might play on the road, with their young DBs potentially blinded by the lights of a big game, but yet again those worries are subdued by the fact I have less confidence in Mark Sanchez than I do in Rex Ryan's ability to turn down a free bear claw.  He's just awful.  So awful in fact, that when I was discussing the match up with my a good friend of mine whose a Jet fan and season ticket holder, he jokingly sent me a text that read "Sanchez didn't throw the ball last week cause he didn't want to give your team any extra film to study".  So I say to you again, if this is what their educated and informed fans think of their QB, what the Hell are we supposed to think of him?  And while "decent" QBs can often win with a great defense, "awful" QBs don't win with any defense.  Especially not against playoff caliber teams.  Home game or not...

I'm not saying the Patriots blow them out, as some of my comments may suggest, but I do look at this match up as one where the final score is a lot closer than the actual game.  Like 17-13 where the Jets get some sort of late 4th quarter touchdown to give them a glimmer of hope...

Oh, and if you expected me to comment on Tom Brady's backhanded compliment to New England's overly "friendly" fans, then you're obviously new here.  I've long been saying that once the ticket prices get to where they are you need to stop calling them "fans", which is short for "fanatics", and start simply referring to them as "consumers".  A sad commentary perhaps, but one that would easily help explain why the Patriot "faithful" rarely ever make noise, and often leave early.  Take notice this weekend, and you'll see what I mean.  That "Fireman Ed" guy may be the biggest Ted around, but at least he's around no matter score.  And as an ardent fan and fan etiquette, I can't help but respect that...    


Green Bay Packers (-12.5) vs Buffalo Bills

When Matt asked me what my most confident pick this week was, this was the game that instantly came to mind.  Granted he's just being asked to pick winners, but even with the monstrous 13 point spread I like the Pack in a big way this weekend when they play host to the Buffalo Bills.  Matter of fact, they're my SURVIVOR pick for the week. Aaron Rodgers (TDs/2 INTS last week) and the Green Bay offense still must feel as though they have something to prove, and without starting RB Ryan Grant, I expect them to come out guns blazing.  That's bad news for Bills fans, but seeing as they haven't heard good news since Jim Kelly was drafted, I'm sure they're just taking it in stride...  


Tennessee Titans (-4.5) vs Pittsburgh Steelers

If both of these teams were completely healthy, and completely in tact, then this would normally be a game I wouldn't want any part of.  But they aren't, so I do, and I'm taking the Titans...

Everyone knows both of these teams can stuff the run and play physical D with the best of 'em, but with Big Ben still servin' time for gettin' his under raged bathroom sex on, the Titans are the only one of the two this week that I can actually see scoring some points.  Matter of fact, this game is much akin to the Patriots/Jets match up, and most of the logic for that one applies here as well.  Only real difference is that Pittsburgh QB, Dennis Dixon, was never supposed to be a starter in the NFL, and the Titans have the advantage of being the home team...

That's right, I just favorably compared Dennis Dixon to Mark Sanchez.  Something you should all get used to, by the way...


Philadelphia Eagles (-4.5) @ Detroit Lions

On the eve of the premier of HBO's Boardwalk Empire, a show about Atlantic City at the dawn of prohibition, it's only appropriate that one of the cities largely responsible for funneling traffic to AC is attempting a "noble experiment" of their own.  And while my own personal jury is still out on whether Michael Vick is ready and capable of leading an NFL offense again, there's probably no better proving ground to test that theory than the friendly confines of Ford Field.  The Lions are an improved bunch, but they're still snake bitten.  After losing their franchise QB in week 1, and not to mention the game on a controversial officiating decision, it looks as though Jim Schwartz and friends are in for yet another long and tortuous season.  And I predict it all starts this week with Mikey Vick.  He should make enough highlight reel plays that his boys in the pen are prompted to remove their Lil Kim posters, and toss up one of their boy in Eagle green instead...

Oh and I'm taking bets as to when either some reincarnation of the "dirty bird", or some sort of "drop down and getcha Eagle on" starts becoming the craze in Philly.  We know their standards are low.  We've seen what they deem a good "cheese steak".  So I'm setting the over/under at 3 weeks.  Who wants action?...    


Chicago Bears @ Dallas Cowboys OVER 41

When one team is mistake prone, it usually leads to a lopsided result.  When both teams are mistake prone, I find it best to ignore the point spread, and focus solely on the over/under.  In this match up, with this point total, I feel good about taking the OVER mostly because I just don't see either team attempting to grind this thing out.  They're both going to want to spread it out, and prove not only to their fans, but themselves, that their offenses are as good as they had theorized during the pre season.  That should lead to either a 6-3 finish, or one that puts this 41 point total well in it's rear view mirror.  Obviously, I'm going for the latter, but just be warned that this is probably my riskiest Top Pick of the week.  Truth is, I don't trust either of these teams, coaches, or QBs further than I could throw that Kardudian Brother that's married to Lamar Odom.  But hey, at least "his" hot sister is still slowly leaking nude photos of herself to the press.  So we got that goin' for us, which is ALWAYS nice...  


Indianapolis Colts vs New York Giants OVER 47.5

Now for the Manning Bowl, I could support my pick with facts about how Indy can't stop the run or how they are due for a big game after their opening week loss, but instead I'm choosing to go down a dangerous road and just pick this thing using the "eye test".  More or less just using common sense.  A dangerous practice when it comes to picking games, I know, but in a special situation like a brother on brother match up, I feel this type of triple reverse logic is the right way to go...

As if they were in the backyard, look for the Manning boys to sling that pigskin around and pile up the points as if they were fighting for their parents love...Because they probably are.  Always a solid motivator, if you ask me...


And here's the rest of this week's games.  The Browns hosting a young KC team off a Monday night game is a good one to keep your eye on, and I'm also partial to the Cardinals and Jaguars pulling out back door covers.  Not partial enough to make them one of my Top Picks, but just something to keep in mind for those of you looking for that little extra to help push you over the top...

Cleveland Browns (-1.5) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Arizona Cardinals (+7.5) @ Atlanta Falcons

Denver Broncos (-3.5) vs Seattle Seahawks

Carolina Panthers (-1.5) vs Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Baltimore Ravens (-2) @ Cincinnati Bengals

Minnesota Vikings (-5.5) vs Miami Dolphins

St. Louis Rams (+4.5) @ Oakland Raiders

Jacksonville Jaguars (+7.5) @ San Diego Chargers

Houston Texans (-2.5) @ Washington Redskins


Monday Night




San Fransisco 49ers (+6.5) vs New Orleans Saints

I've made it a point over the years to never pick against a decent home underdog on Monday Night, and that's the logic I'm employing here.  Matter of fact, it was the Saints post Katrina victory over the heavily favored Falcons in 2005 that helped me form this fruitful strategy.  So that's why, despite their long layoff and the fact I think they're the better team, I picking against the Saints this week and instead opting to put my money on the 49ers to keep this thing close...

Now don't worry, Mr. Allen, I still like the Saints to come out on top in this thing.  It's just that when walking the slippery slope that is picking games against the spread, sometimes you end up walking fine lines and/or hedging your bets.  This may look to be a little bit of both, but in reality I really do think this is going to end up being a 23-20 type game, where one could both by taking the Saints to win and by taking the Niners to cover the 5.5 points...

So it's a win/win situation, really.  At least that's how I've drawn it up in my head...


Last Week: 9-6-3

Top Picks: 4-4-1

Lock of the Week: 2-0-0


While I was able to get my NFL season off on the right foot last week with a 9-6 mark, my selections on the collegiate side of the sport weren't nearly as successful.  Naturally, my goal this week is to right that ship.  Oh, and in case you were wondering, I already apologized to former Rooch Nation editor, current Rooch Nation Webmaster, and overall great guy Kevin "Frosco" Tomasso, for jinxing his Florida St. Seminoles last week.  And seeing as Syracuse sucks, and the rest of my friends went to schools where football was played with flags and chicks, I think it's safe to say I'm in the clear for the rest of the season.  Besides, with fans like those, (above), I don't know what I was thinking picking FSU to beat Oklahoma in the first place.  Stupid Frosco, clouding my judgement with his allegiance and whatnot...

Well no more!  This week's picks are bias free, and will hopefully help you in your attempt to make enough money to pay down your college creditors.  That's called justice right there, friends.  Sports gambling justice...

NCAA Top 25 Picks

(1) Alabama (-23.4) @ Duke

(3) Boise St. (-23.5) vs Wyoming

(4) TCU (-21.5) vs Baylor

(6) Texas (-3) @ Texas Tech

(7) Oklahoma (-17) vs Air Force

(8) Nebraska (-3) @ Washington

(9) Iowa (-1.5) @ (24) Arizona

Tennessee (+14) vs (10) Florida

(11) Wisconsin (-14) vs Arizona St.

(12) Arkansas (+2.5) @ Georgia

(14) Utah (-23) vs New Mexico

(15) LSU (-8) vs Mississippi St.

(16) Auburn (-7) vs Clemson

Minnesota (+12.5) vs (18) USC

(21) West Virginia (-10) vs Maryland

(23) Houston (-3) @ UCLA

(25) Oregon St. (-19.5) vs Louisville


Last Week: 5-6-0

Overall: 8-8-0 (.500)


And there you have it, friends and foes.  Two Nations, one set of picks, and yet another great weekend set to unfold for our viewing pleasure.  I hope you enjoyed your latest visit to this pleasant little piece of Intraweb real estate I lovingly refer to as Rooch Nation, and I wish all of you nothing but the best with your latest attempts at weekend glory...

Be good, friends...


Teddy Williams...
100...


#$>

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Week 1 Recap: Randy Moss and the #1 Seed...


Sometimes, he's downright scary.  And this Sunday, Bill Belichick put on a performance that would have had Wes Craven soiling his BVDs...or any updated underwear brand of your choosing.  The New England coach, whom I often refer to as Bill B. Hoodsworth, had his Patriots so well prepared to open their season against the Cincinnati Bengals, that not only did they win in dominating fashion, but they answered their critics with checklist like precision...

Young and inexperienced defensive backs?  First play of the game rookie Devin McCourty batted the ball away from Ochocinco, and all game long 2nd year safety, Patrick Chung, was bringin' the wood..

Inability to pressure the QB?  Vince Wilfork pushed the pile, and Tully Banta-Cain finished provided the finishing touches...

The health and effectiveness of Wes Welker?  Well let me just say if his performance didn't inspire you, then I'm pretty sure you're devoid of the ability to actually be inspired...

And then, there's Randy Moss.  His comments infuriated virtually all of Patriot Nation, but I'll tell you why they didn't bother me as I recap some of the biggest story's from the NFL's opening weekend...

Enjoy...



A lot was made this weekend over the call that decided the Lions/Bears game.  You can see and hear the play and the explanation of the rule above, and I for one think it's a pretty cut and dry situation.  I mean, even the most casual fan. that only follows "their" team, has time and and time again been shown and told that for a catch to be ruled complete, control of the ball needs to evident through the entire "act" of the catch.  In essence, it's not a catch until the player not only catches the ball, and then proves they could do something else with it if they really wanted to.  Like run, for instance.  You know the term "football move"?  Sure you do, and this rule and the endless explanations of it over the past several seasons is the reason why...


Now the boys over at ProFootballTalk raise a valid point in the wording of the rule, but it's two statements they make in particular that I feel really get right down to the matter at hand...

1) At a minimum, the "second act" exception needs to be articulated and acknowledged in the official rule book, so that all officials will know about and factor the "second act" exception into their assessment of every catch or non-catch.


AND


2) That said, it's also incumbent on the teams to know the current rules and to coach their players accordingly.  Johnson never should have literally touched the ball down -- he should have tucked it away and rolled, and then he could have gotten up and celebrated what inevitably would have been ruled a touchdown.


Right.  So the rule is poorly worded, but the part of the rule that Johnson violated is blatantly clear.  So OK, "cut and dry" may have been a little strong.  But seeing as "the act of catching the ball" has been such a hot topic over the past few seasons, it's a rule that every player, at least on offense, should really know inside and out...


Then again.  It is Detroit.  So I'm not sure how much anybody is really gonna care anyway.  I mean, let's not kid ourselves here.  Not like that win is keeping them out of the playoffs...


Enjoy those trash can fires, kids.  You're in for another long and cold winter...with Canada looking like a better option with each passing second...




This isn't so much an "I told you so", but how freakin' awful is Mark Sanchez?  And while you can argue that last night maybe he was up against an above average Baltimore defense, his 10/21 and 74 yard effort is almost what I've come to expect on a weekly basis from the one the NY papers once labeled "Broadway Schmo."  Hell, the guy couldn't even properly harass one the most asstacular women on the planet, so how does anyone expect him to run a freakin' football team!  I mean, how bout at least a "You know, I'm kinda Spanish, too" instead of tossing the ball near her like a socially inept 4th grader.  Where was he going next?  "Do you like tacos, cuz I like tacos"?  Because from what I can tell, that would have been his next logical step...

Hey, I said it before the season, and last night you all saw it to be true.  The Jets are good, but they're only going to go as far as Mark Sanchez can guide them.  And that, my friends, is why I have them going 8-8 and missing the playoffs...

That ass, however, is headed straight for a #1 seed...if you know what I mean...and I know you totally do.  I've come to expect my readers to be equal parts clever and politically incorrect, and I love you for it.  Now who's got a quarter?...

This one, might actually be an "I told you so."  OR more like an "I told myself so, yet I still didn't listen."

I knew Pete Carroll was gonna screw me somehow, and just 1 week in he's already at it.  Not only did his Seahawks cruise as 3 point home dogs to the highly touted San Fransisco 49ers, but in doing so he helped cap a day of inexplicable events.  And by "inexplicable", I mean I knew all these things would happen simply to spite me.  They are as follows:

The Seahawks won: I said when Carroll was hired that I was going to pick Seattle to do well this year, even though it went directly against everything I thought I knew.  I obviously didn't end up doing that, and while we're only 1 game in, I can already see that I should have stuck to my guns.  I still don't think Seattle is any good, but I know how I run, and Pete Carroll leading an unlikely Seahawks' team to the NFC Championship would be more or less par for the course that is my life in terms of trying to predict sports...

Mike Williams: Along the same lines as Seattle winning, I felt Williams' still wasn't any good, but was sure to blossom under Carroll just...well, just because.  Just like with the team winning, it would go against all logic, but somehow just happen.  Well in game 1, the man who was once a legal crusader in cahoots with Mo Clarrett, caught 4 balls for 64 yards and came just inches from reaching the endzone.  Somewhere, Matt Millen is...still a big fat idiot...and probably as we speak attempting to somehow draft a wide receiver...




Mike Williams Scored: Not at all related to the Seahawks, but very much in the vain of "I knew better", this Mike Williams hails from the great football power that is Syracuse University.  Again logic told me this guy was waaaay over hyped, but the feeling was so strong I knew I probably should just go ahead and go against it.  But I didn't, and mere minutes into the opening week (2:50 into the video) he makes a catch in the endzone that will undoubtedly be on highlight reels from now until the Super Bowl...

Granted the only reason he finds himself on this list is because his name is Mike Williams, and it's like a 6 degrees of Rooch hating Pete Carroll type of thing, but I just like to streamline my hatred so it's all easier for me to understand.  In this instance, it's obvious my Pete Carroll hatred is being tossed back at me in spectacular revenge like fashion.  And if you can't see that, can't see the fact that I somehow have a karmic say in everything that happens in the sports world, then I'm not sure what else I can do for ya...I mean, I guess I could explain the hilarity involved in how I might now win any $$ in my fantasy baseball league to provide further proof, but I really don't wanna scare any of you into thinking I'm some sort of wizard...Which I am.  So fear my power already, would ya?...  




Finally, we have Randy Moss, who after an impressive Patriots' victory had essentially nothing to say about the game, and a whole lot to say about his current contract situation.  And while it's universally obvious that his remarks were ill timed and selfish, I can't help but think that in Randy's mind, if he was going to say anything at all, that was exactly the time to do it.  My explanation won't diminish the selfishness aspect of it, mind you, but hopefully will provide you with a glimpse into his way of thinking.  A way of thinking that you yourself could perceive as reasonable, if this weren't the Patriots, and not the NFL...

I look at it this way.  Whether realistic or not, Randy Moss was apparently holding out hope until the last second that the Patriots would somehow sign him to a deal before the season began.  And in his eyes, that window didn't officially close until the regular season kicked off.  Then, when it was clear to him no deal was coming (it was clear to us a while ago, I know) he decided to use a ready made forum to voice his displeasure with the situation.  Again, the timing may not have seemed appropriate, but in Randy's mind, the fact that he had access to a microphone was good enough for him.  From his perspective, he said all the right things in the offseason, about how he knew this was "a business", and he felt that despite the fact he'd been "acting like a Patriot", he wasn't being rewarded as such...

Basically, he was whining.  He'd done all his chores, cleaned his plate of all the vegetables, and now he's ready for his just dessert.  And I say that as someone who's speaking up for his right to complain in the way he did.  Because after all, this is a business, and this is a guy that's justly looking to get every dollar he thinks he deserves while he's still physically able to do so.  If he continues to moan week in and week out, then maybe we can discuss that he's being a distraction.  But if this proves to be just an isolated event, a time he used to set the record straight on how he felt, then not only doesn't it bother me, but it reaffirms to me that Randy is committed to playing a high level of football.  I guess it's just I view his passion as a sign of encouragement.  More of a sign that he's out to prove to the Patriots that they should have already signed him than one that he's going to pack it in just because he didn't get his way.  And for those who point to the way he acted in Oakland, I can only say that if you think that situation has anything in common with this one, then you're grossly mistaken.  Unless of course he continues to complain, in which place I'll be forced to come up with a witty apology...


But there will be no witty apology from yours truly this time around, and I won't even whine that I'm not being paid enough.  Instead, I just leave you to your week, and with the knowledge that come Friday afternoon, we'll start this great 3 day voyage together all over again.  IT's football season, kids.  You know you've got the itch, and this is just the place to scratch it.  Just please don't scratch it with your #1 seed...

Be good, friends!


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

Friday, September 10, 2010

NFL Week 1 Picks: Rollin' The Dice...


Ready or not, friends.  Here...we...go!!  And for the record, you should have read that with a sense of seriousness and excitement, not the questionably hetero way it was once squealed by the Backstreet Boys.  And before I make any more questionably hetero remarks myself, I'm just gonna go ahead and get right down to business...

Now for those of you not familiar with the legendary Rooch Nation NFL picks, let me give you a quick overview.  Every Friday, when you click whichever magical link you've created to get you here, you'll regularly find the following:

My Top Picks:  These are the picks that will lead off every "picks" segment.  Usually between 4-6 games, these are the match ups I feel most confident about, and in reality, they're the only games I could see myself betting on.  Seeing as I don't bet on individual football games, you can take that to mean those are the only games I think you should be betting on...

Lock of the Week:  Out of all the "Top Picks", this is the one I feel most confident about.  No "lead pipe" and I'm not going to change my name to "Brett Stone", but with a 14-3 record last year, I hardly feel I'm in need of an gimmicks...

My Pick For Every Game:  I understand some people read pieces like this for an opinion on one particular game, so I make sure nobody goes home disappointed.  Even if it's not one of my "Top Picks", I'll make sure you know where I stand on every game that week has to offer.  

And that's pretty much it.  Pretty straightforward, yet if history is any indicator, it will prove to be as useful and effective as it is simplistic.  As always, if you have a differing opinion, or if you think you can do better, I welcome the challenge.  In my experience, most people that actually do bet on these games are hesitant to publish their picks for fear of people discovering how much they lose.  But if someone does want to step up, I'll be more than happy to battle you to the death...

So now, with all that housekeeping out of the way, let's get right to what you all came here to see.  THE PICKS.  It's always a real gamble picking week 1 games, as my increasingly frequent mock motivational poster at the top of the page suggests, but my hope is that I can put you in the right mindset and help get your season off on the right foot.  So enjoy, pimps.  And have at it...

NFL Week 1 Picks


Miami Dolphins (-3) @ Buffalo Bills

I'm usually hesitant to pick teams favored on the road...especially in week 1.  But this week I'm taking 5 such games, including two of them as one of my "Top Picks"...

As is usually the case with week 1 picks, my logic doesn't go much further than the fact that I think the road team is noticeably better.  That's the case with the Dolphins.  I told you in last week's predictions that I like Miami's chances to win the AFC East.  I also told you in that same piece that I like the Bills chances to finish last.  So there ya go.  If you can't follow the logic I'm using, I really don't know what I can do for ya.  And be weary that a lot of this week's picks are gonna be like this because...well...well because we haven't seen any of these teams play, yet.  I know that sounds like a cop out, but picking week 1 games is really a straight up crap shoot for me.  And by that I mean, if you get overzealous, you're bound to step in crap and start your season off on the wrong foot...a foot covered in crap...


San Fransisco 49ers (-3) @ Seattle Seahawks

Same logic applies here.  My predicted divisional winner on the road against my predicted divisional loser.  And I'd pick this as my lock, I really would, if I didn't feel that there's the distinct possibility that Pete Carroll and the 'Hawks are primed to have a great season just to spite me.  I see know reason why they should be good, mind you, but it's just one of those karma things that more often than not seems to jump up and bite me in the ane...

So take the Niners and the points.  And if they lose, you'll know who to blame...


Green Bay Packers @ Philadelphia Eagles UNDER 47.5

For the insight on this, you needn't look any further than last night's opening game between the Saints and the Vikings.  Just because teams have great offenses, doesn't mean they're ready to run at full throttle right out of the gate.  That, and both of these teams have above average defenses comparable to last night's match up, too.  Now I'm not picking the UNDER in this instance solely based on last night's mere 23 point total, but I feel it's a good way for me to explain my logic.  Believe me, both of these offenses are going to put up a ton of points when all is said and done.  It's just probably going to take some time for them to get their rhythm.  Matter of fact, I'm so sure of the false start that's likely to occur, that I'm installing this pick as my Lock of the Week.  Sorry if that doesn't help you with your survivor pool, but if you'd been like me and taken the Saints last night you wouldn't even have that problem...


Denver Broncos (+2.5) @ Jacksonville Jaguars

Another one of my predicted division winners playing another predicted division losers.  And another road team, to boot.  I also like how quickly the Broncos got out of the gate last year, and I look for them to start the 2010 campaign in the same way...


St. Louis Rams (+4) vs Arizona Cardinals + OVER 38.5

Now here's a quirky combo pick that I have to admit I'm really excited about.  Usually that means the game is destined to finish about the exact opposite of what I've predicted, but I'm not gonna let that diminish my enthusiasm...

I like the fact that these teams have both been largely retooled, creating an unfamiliarity that shouldn't exist between divisional foes.  I also like that both squads really have to feel like they have something to prove, especially on offense.  To me that signals that there should be a lot of points in this game, and seeing as the Rams are home, I have no problem parlaying the OVER with the 4 point home underdog...


Tennessee Titans vs Oakland Raiders UNDER 41.5

These two squads have a lot to prove on offense, too, but they're looking more to run the ball than pass.  They both also figure to have rather stout defenses, so a 17-13 type game seems the most likely outcome.  Seeing as that falls well under the 41.5, you can see why I made this one of my "Top Picks" of the week...




New England Patriots (-4.5) vs Cincinnati Bengals + OVER 44


Finally, for my last pick of the week, here's a selection I'm sure many of you came here to see.  But to keep full discretion in tact, I have to warn you that I'm making both of these picks almost strictly based on karma.  Not only in hopes of the Patriots starting the season off on the right foot, but to combat a sort of personal trend.  Ya see, last time I wasn't able to work the Patriots' regular season opener (which is the case this weekend as I'll be at a good friend's wedding) a certain QB suffered a certain injury that seemingly ended the season before it even began.  Oh, and it's important to note I was at a good friend's wedding that weekend, as well...

Needless to say, when I awoke on Thursday to hear that Tom Brady had been in a car accident, I thought the die had already been cast.  But since Tom Terrific emerged from the fender bender unscathed, it's given me a sort of second lease on life.  So I'm leaving nothing to chance, and throwing all my support about the Patriots and their offense.  It'll either be a shootout, with the Pats having just enough firepower to cover that 4.5 point spread, or it'll be a blowout with the Bengals just scoring enough in garbage time to get a back door cover on the OVER 44.  Either way, I'll be praying for points, and hoping that my team gets their season off on the right foot...even though I don't particularly think they're destined for greatness..

But hey, at least I provided some discretion, right?  You're damn straight I did...

Now as promised, if those games don't tickle your gambling fancy, feel free to take a gander at the rest of my gambling inventory.  From the rest of the NFL games, to the full slate of Top 25 College action, it's all here for both your reading and sports betting pleasure.  So get at it...
 

Detroit Lions (+6.5) @ Chicago Bears

New York Giants (-6.5) vs Carolina Panthers

Pittsburgh Steelers (+2.5) vs Atlanta Falcons

Cleveland Browns (+3) @ Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Indianapolis Colts (-2.5) @ Houston Texans

Dallas Cowboys (-3.5) @ Washington Redskins




Monday Night Football
Baltimore Ravens (+2.5) @ New York Jets

Upon further review, I'm going with a second Lock of the Week pick this week, and it's the Ravens on Monday Night against the J-E-T-S.  Probably just another emotional pick like with the Pats, but I think the Ravens are really good and the Jets are really overrated.  So to be clear, I'd probably still be taking the Ravens if they were -20 and the game was being played in Rex Ryan's back yard, but I also really do think the Ravens are going to win this thing...

Kansas City Chiefs (+4.5) vs San Diego Chargers

I wasn't sure if I'd have the balls to take the Chiefs here, but something tells me I'm going to be glad I did.  Mostly because I like a home team on Monday Night getting 4.5 points, but also due in part to the fact that absolutely NOBODY is even remotely giving the Chiefs a chance in this thing.  Don't get me wrong, I don't think the Chiefs are going to be any good this year, but just the combination of those factors I just mentioned give me confidence that this is the right way to go.  I've been burned too many times by seemingly lowly home teams in early season situations like this, and I think especially since we haven't seen these teams play this year, this is about as safe an upset pick as you'll be able to find...


Last Season
Overall: 115-110-7 (.583)
Top Picks: 78-60-6 (.563)
Lock of the Week: 14-3-0 (.824)

All Time: 440-254-35 (.628)


In this section, we find the guys that get paid slightly less to play football.  Therefore, their football is of a slightly lesser quality.  They quality of the money that you can potentially win, however, remains the same.  So getcha earn on.  You know they're doin' the same...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(1) Alabama (-12) vs (18) Penn St.

(12) Miami (+9) @ (2) Ohio St.

(7) Oregon (-12) @ Tennessee

(8) Florida (-15.5) vs South Florida

(9) Iowa (-13.5) vs Iowa St.

(17) Florida St. (+7.5) @ (10) Oklahoma

(15) Georgia Tech (-14) @ Kansas

(16) USC (-19.5) vs Virginia

Vanderbilt (+9.5) vs (19) LSU

(24) South Carolina (-3) vs (22) Georgia

UCLA (+6) vs (25) Stanford


Last Week: 3-2-0


There ya go, friends.  Hope I was able to play a small part in getting you ready for the fantastic weekend that's about to unfold, and I'll catch you next week...

"I'm not great at farewells so...uh.  That'll do, pig."


Teddy Williams...
Rollo_Soze...
100...

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