College Hoops Top 25: Keith Richards & Wesley J

Forgive me, my friends, but this will have to be brief. As we speak, my lap top's battery is flashing red, with relief still a UPS distribution center or two away...

AKA - Somehow my lap top's charger gave out, and I had to order a new one. So help is on the way, it's just not here right now, and while I could use another computer I have access too, I'd rather use the last breaths of life from this sucker just for the added effect, and for the convenient built-in "brevity" excuse. Ya know, because I usually love to rant and point out interest trends when it comes to college hoops so I can show off my skills in what I consider one of my strongest sports, but this will be two weeks in a row that I haven't done so. A shame too, considering the unusual shake-ups going on throughout this thing, but that'll be something I get to when my little Al Gore Matrix translator here is back up to full strength...

But yeah, my charger's beat (or at least I'm hoping that's my problem). Merely a $10 transaction, but still I could barely bring myself to pay for it. After all, there was a time where I had friends who had intimate access to sketchy items such as this, and would be able to barter me a few that would come down to a "pack of menthols", "2 40's", or the most common "whatever, bro...".

Ahhh, yes, what a time it was indeed. But no time for reflection. See, I set it up on my laptop that I want my battery's "death" to sound like that of what I imagine Keith Richards death will sound like (no joke, I downloaded the soundboard from my Droid), and it literally just made a vicious growling sound and hocked up a lung biscuit at me that was, no joke, made up of a cig filter, what appears to be the back of a hoop earring, and poll of mucus that looks like that cartoon, Mucinex mucus family, joined a cult and just had their mass suicide in Keith's lungs. IT was a sight, man. A gross sight, but a sight nonetheless...

I managed to avoid it hitting any part of my person, thank God. But I'm pretty sure I'm gonna have to burn this coach now. Or sell it on eBay. To throw something out because it's disgusting? OR sell it some loser on the Intraweb? The classic debate rages on...

So yeah, it's time to go. Wesley J for President. And you better get used to me saying that, kids. That smilin' man-beast is 6 March wins away from replacing Teddy Williams at the bottom of my weekly posts...

Eh, there's room for both, I suppose. Plus, it allows me to further confuse the Hell out of people. Which I take pleasure in as well...

Enjoy...


Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25

1. Syracuse (20-1) 2

2. Kentucky (19-0) 1

3. Villanova (18-1) 4

4. Michigan St. (17-3) 5

5. Kansas (19-1) 6

6. Purdue (16-3) 12

7. Texas (17-2) 3

8. West Virginia (15-3) 11

9. Duke (16-3) 7

10. BYU (20-1) 14

11. Pittsburgh (15-4) 8

12. Kansas St. (16-3) 9

13. Gonzaga (16-3) 13

14. Georgetown (15-4) 17

15. Butler (16-4) 15

16. Ohio St. (14-6) 16

17. Temple (17-3) 18

18. Tennessee (15-3) 10

19. Wisconsin (16-4) 23

20. Cornell (16-3) 21

21. New Mexico (18-3) 25

22. Wake Forest (14-4) NR

23. UCONN (13-6) NR

24. Vanderbilt (15-3) NR

25. Mississippi (15-4) NR


just missed: Georgia Tech; Baylor; Michigan; UNLV;Florida St.; Xavier; UAB; Clemson

dropped: (19) Clemson; (20) Northern Iowa; (22) UNC; (24) Arizona St.



Ummm, there might be a game or two on Saturday that you might wanna check out. Ya know, if you have time...

This Week's Slate

1/26
Michigan St. @ Michigan (ESPN 7 pm)
Clemson @ Boston College (ESPN2 7 pm)
Kentucky @ South Carolina (ESPN 9 pm)
Kansas St. @ Baylor (ESPN360 8 pm)

1/27
Notre Dame @ Villanova (ESPN 7 pm)
Vanderbilt @ Tennessee (ESPNU 7 pm)
Texas A&M @ Oklahoma St. (ESPN2 730 pm)
BYU @ New Mexico
Temple @ Charlotte
Florida St. @ Duke (ESPN 9 pm)


1/28
Wisconsin @ Purdue (ESPN 7 pm)
Wake Forest @ Georgia Tech
Gonzaga @ Santa Clara (ESPN2 11 pm)

1/29
Butler @ Green-Bay (ESPNU 9 pm)

1/30
Louisville @ West Virginia (ESPN 12 pm)
Duke @ Georgetown (CBS 1 pm)
Oklahoma St. @ Missouri (ESPN2 2 pm)
Syracuse @ Depaul (ESPN360 2 pm)
Vanderbilt @ Kentucky (ESPN 4 pm)
Baylor @ Texas
Kansas @ Kansas St. (ESPN 7 pm)


1/31
Florida @ Tennessee (CBS 1 pm)
Maryland @ Clemson

2/1
UCONN @ Louisville (ESPN 7 pm)
Texas @ Oklahoma St. (ESPN 9 pm)


WJ4P
100...

Conference Championship Picks: And Like That...He's Gone

Ahhh yes, another weekend is upon us. And it being the last weekend for the foreseeable future in which we will have multiple football games to watch, it holds a special significance...

Greetings, Nache lovers, and welcome to the 2010 (that's twenty-ten, for those still not up to speed) edition of my Conference Championship picks. I've limped my way through the first two rounds like Kevin Spacey in The Usual Suspects, I plan on rising up like Keyser Soze, and leaving no doubt about my authority as I fade off into legend. OK, I'm not "fading" anywhere. It's just that Spacey in Suspects was the first thing that came to mind when I thought of a "limped" analogy, and the rest of it kind of just wrote itself. Not only is Usual Suspects an incredible movie, but Keyser Soze (Ky-zer So-say) is just a really cool name. I admit it doesn't look nearly as powerful written out as it sounds when whispered or when being screamed out in terror and agony...and in Hungarian...but it's still an ill name, and deserves to be respected.

And how funny is that picture I got up there? Google images, man. Just great stuff. And to whoever it is that seems to make a living out of making these mock inspirational posters about things I like to search for? Bravo to you, fine sir or madam. Bravo. I'm not sure what exactly it is that you're up to over there, but I'm feelin' your flow. Keep up the good work/continue the current drug regiment your on, and continue using all your "excess" income to enhance your already retardedly powerful home computer...

Anyway...So while I'd love to take this time to laugh at Glen Rivers and his "Celts Gone Wild", or talk a little Big East hoops, this weekend is for football. We got two big games, 4 QB's in the spotlight and enough compelling story lines, both real and potential, to keep even the most dubious Tweeters such as myself busy from kickoff at 3, til the final whistle blows somewhere around 10...


Conference Championship Picks

New York Jets (+7.5) @ Indianapolis Colts OVER 39

Being surprised that so many Patriot fans are rooting for the Jets this weekend is like being surprised that Tiger Woods isn't actually Jesus Christ, and is in fact, the best sex hound to ever grip a 9 iron. There. Just had to get that out of the way...

What? Fans are fish. Or lemmings. Yeah, fans are lemmings. Or, you could say fans are people that are still convinced that Vince Vaughn still puts out funny movies. Yeah, fans are just like that. They're sheep. YES! Sheep! That's what I was lookin' for. Except for the fans that are reading this, of course. You're not sheep. And if you are, you're my sheep, anyway, so I'll make sure and take good care of you. Ya know, as long as you keep pumping out that warm and industrious wool...and the occasional lamb chop. Hey, we all have to sacrifice, kids. And if that means every once in a while one of you is going to have to sacrifice a major chunk of flesh so that I can can eat and gain the necessary sustenance to survive, then that's just the way it's gonna have to be...

But back to the game...


Now while I haven't gone to rooting for the Jets, I can't help but see a lot of similarities between this team and the Patriot team that took down the first of their 3 Super Bowls. Gritty, vicious defense. A young and unproven QB (Granted Sanchez was supposed to be good, but you still know what I'm sayin'). And a coach in Sexy Rexy who, like the Hoodie, is about as polarizing as they come. The only difference, is that instead of using the Chuck Weis dink-and-dump passing game, the Jets actually have a legitimate, dare I say dangerous, running attack...

So, seeing as that's the case, that I think the '09-'10 Jets are akin to the '01-'02 Patriots, I'm picking the Jets to hang tight with the Colts this week, and for the game to finish somewhere in the 24-21 or 23-20 neighborhood. I can't say I know who's going to win, persay, but what I have figured out is that this game should be a barn-burner. Dare I say, an "instant classic". Just something about the way the Jets play, and the way the Colts were so instrumental in allowing the Jets to pull the a backdoor job that even Jenna Jameson would find impressive...

Basically, it's half the Jets looking "right for the part" of upset spoiler, and half the Colts being eerily similar to those other Indy teams that rested their players late in the season and took a bath in the playoffs. It's all just a perfect storm, like it was for Scott Brown. And while the last thing I want is to see the Jets making their way to Miami for anything other than 9 holes, a kilo of blow or a Cuban sandwich, I feel we're gonna have to sweat this result up until the final seconds...

Either somebody "loses" this game, or somebody "wins" it. Cliche, yes, but that doesn't make it any less likely...

New Orleans Saints (-3.5) vs Minnesota Vikings UNDER 56

Now while it would be easy and convenient for me to take my unused Colt and Jet hatred out on Brett Favre and the Vikes, it really has nothing to do with why I'm taking the Saints to win this one in a fairly comfortable fashion. Well, as comfortable as any home NFC title game could be, I suppose...

No, the reason I'm picking the Saints, and I wish I had something sexier for ya, but the reason I'm picking the Saints is because they have such a great home field advantage, and Minnesota is so shady on the road. IT's as simple as that...

Granted I want to see a Brett Favre v New York Jets Super Bowl about as much as I'd like a hot colonic from the exhaust pipe of a 747, but I promise you that's not even entering into my thinking on this one. The Saints are just better, not that much better, but better. Combined that with the fact their at home, and it's not brain surgery as to how they came up with the 3.5 point spread. Brett Favre may have a legend worthy of Keyser Soze and Verbal Kint, but seeing as he sold his Asian lawyer sidekick for 2 bottles of Vicodin, he's just not gonna have what it takes for one final thrill. And hopefully, like that...poof!..He'll be gone...

Eh, he'll probably only walk away if the Vikings win the Super Bowl, but it's a dream of mine...and it tied in nicely with the theme I had goin' there. So I had that goin' for me, which is nice...

As was the case with all of my predictions last week, I'm taking the Saints in a relatively one sided game, which is why I'm also grabbing the UNDER. I'm thinkin' something like 27-17, or even 30-21, with the final score not accurately reflecting the blatant gap in dominance on the field. Maybe not a Favre blow up, per say, but he'll be upstaged by Drew "The Mole" Brees, and the Saints will go marching on to the Super Bowl...

And YES, I used that "marching" cliche. And NO, I don't care how that's altered how you think about me. What? It's a good cliche! And the team's rarely any good, so when else am I supposed to use it? So stop being an elitist, and just enjoy the pun for what it is. Pun intended, I say! Pun in-tended! Bam!


Last Week: 5-3-0

'09-'10 Playoffs: 5-7-0


So there you have it, kids. From my brain, to your eyes, with a little help from an intermediary best known as Mr. Al Gore. And before I sign off for the day, I'd just like to pass along my heartfelt condolences to MR. Pete Sheppard, formerly of WEEI's "The Big Show". Shepp was shockingly let go this week, after 10 years with the show and 15 with the station when a bunch of suits at the corporate offices moved a few digits on a spreadsheet that deemed him expendable. Unfortunately, it's just another case of corporate miscommunication in the communications business, something that oddly enough is all too common...

Listen, I know times are tight right now, and even people we like are going to lose their jobs, but when the station has done nothing but increased it's ratings choke hold in the wake of upstart 98.5 The Sports Hub, I find it hard to believe Entercom (EEI's parent company) couldn't have made an exception for it's flagship station, and the #1 Sports Talk Radio station in the entire country. And to that end, how did $1+ million a year host, Glenn Ordway, not step in and throw his weight around a little for his "buddy" Pete? You really telling me Glenn couldn't have gotten Pete a new title in order to avoid this "position elimination". Little shady there, but without all the information, it's just pure speculation for me to think that was even possible, or if they are indeed friends to the extent that Glenn would do that for him. It certainly appears on the outside as that should be the case, but then here we are...

Hey, like I said, business is business and I get it. But just because a "business" decision is made in hopes of protecting the bottom line, and it might look cut and dry on paper, doesn't mean it's actually going to help your company going forward. IT's just unfortunate that in a business that sells itself on "listening" and "communicating", time and time again it fails miserably at a corporate level to do even come close to doing either. It's a tough business, and we all know that going in, but it's decisions like this, with no inherent logic behind them that make it much tougher than it really should be...

So good luck, Shepp. You're already missed, and we're all rooting for you to land on your feet. I was never a huge fan, but that doesn't mean I don't respect your talent, and notice the void you've left in The Big Show. Both figuratively, and literally. Hang in there, big guy...

And like that...poof!...I'm gone....Yeah, that's right. Again...

Teddy Williams...
100...

College Hoops Top 25: Rooch, Party of 1...

It's Election Day, kids! And before you loyal voters from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts head out to vote, and while the rest of the country eagerly awaits the wide reaching result, I implore you to take a look at an election of a different kind. An election held by, and voted on, by just one man. Yours truly...

Due to a few, shall we say, "scheduling malfunctions", the latest incarnation of the Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25 doesn't have it's usual bells and whistles, but true to form it's still packed with all the insight and knowledge you've come to expect from a college hoops savant such as myself...

And before I just let you have at it, just one more thing. Now I know I say this all the time, but in response to the barrage of questions I received this week about my Top 25, I figured it was yet again worth mentioning. My College Basketball Rankings, aside from being unique because I come up with them myself and I'm a unique character, are unique because of the incredibly simple formula in which they adhere to...

My poll (try not to let your mind wander into an immature place) is a snapshot of how I feel the NCAA Tournament would shake down if it started today. 1-25, I rank the teams on which I feel have the best shot to navigate the field of 64 at the given moment. The National Rankings? Well I'm not sure what they claim to be judging by their inconsistent swings and unexplainable missteps, but if I had to guess I'd say their polls represent not who's necessarily best, but which team is likely to win the most home games, in their own gym, against every other team in the Nation...

Why they do it that way? I'm not completely sure. You would think their poll would be based on who has the best chance to win 6 straight games on neutral courts, right? That a team narrowly beating another team at home wouldn't necessarily be moved ahead of them in the rankings, because a narrow home win often implies that same team would probably beat them on a neutral court. Well, you would think that's they way the pollsters would think, but that's obviously not the case...

If I had to guess as to why the rankings were always so convoluted, I'd say it's because the rankings and the tournament aren't necessarily trying to accomplish the same goal. Matter of fact, they are completely juxtaposed. Essentially, the weekly poll is trying to determine who the best team is here and now, with little to no regard as to how that team might fair come tourney time. I don't get why the poll wouldn't just reflect who the voters think would win it all if the tournament started today, but it's probably because that method employs too much common sense...

That's why I I choose to do my poll the way I do. Because it makes sense to me. Because it's the easiest way for me to track the true contenders. And because, well, because in a world where too many things that should make sense don't, I'm here to due my part for the average college basketball fan, and make things that much easier. I'm like Joe Lunardi with his Bracketology, expect nobody pays me, I don't have nearly the time or the resources to do what he does and I look a lot better in a hoodie. What he does actually makes sense. As unecissary as his predictions might seem in January and February, his weekly bracket diagnosis actually makes much more sense, and is much more useful than any Top 25 Poll you're going to find. Present company obviously not included...

So on this historic Election Day, remember that your reason for voting should be just as important as who you are voting for, and your reasoning for both should be abundantly clear. If that's not the case, then I hate to tell you, but like so many pollsters, you're probably making the wrong decision...

Now, it's on to the poll. And watch your head, because if you're not careful, you could get smacked in the head by a group of plummeting Huskies. Look out belooooooowwwww! Fools are dropping faster than Jim Calhoun's gullet...

Enjoy...

Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25

1. Kentucky (18-0) 1

2. Syracuse (18-1) 6

3. Texas (17-1) 3

4. Villanova (16-1) 4

5. Michigan St. (15-3) 8

6. Kansas (16-1) 5

7. Duke (15-2) 7

8. Pittsburgh (15-2) 13

9. Kansas St. (16-2) 19

10. Tennessee (14-2) 14

11. West Virginia (13-3) 9

12. Purdue (14-3) 2

13. Gonzaga (14-3) 15

14. BYU (18-1) 18

15. Butler (14-4) 16

16. Ohio St. (13-5) NR

17. Georgetown (13-3) 12

18. Temple (15-3) NR

19. Clemson (15-3) NR

20. Northern Iowa (16-1) 21

21. Cornell (15-3) 24

22. North Carolina (12-6) 10

23. Wisconsin (14-4) 17

24. Arizona St. (14-5) NR

25. New Mexico (16-3) NR


just missed: Xavier; Florida St.; UCONN; Baylor; Louisville; Georgia Tech; Illinois; Virginia

dropped: (11) UCONN; (20) Louisville; (22) Florida St.; (23) Oklahoma St.; (25) Ole Miss

Really a great group of games headed our way this week, with Tuesday and Saturday serving as the Big Days, and the Ohio St. West Virginia game on Saturday serving as a true inter-conference litmus test that could really help in focusing the polls. At least for me, that is, I think I already established that a game like that won't do much to the actual voters. Oh well, it is what it is, right?

Enjoy...

This Week's Slate

1/19
Tennessee @ Alabama (ESPN 7 pm)
Clemson @ Georgia Tech (ESPN2 7 pm)
Purdue @ Illinois (ESPN 9 pm)
Northern Iowa @ Wichita St.
Northwestern @ Ohio St.
Oklahoma @ Texas A&M

1/20
Wake Forest @ North Carolina (ESPN 7 pm)
Baylor @ Kansas (ESPN2 9 pm)
Georgetown @ Pittsburgh
West Virginia @ Marshall
Xavier @ Temple
Michigan @ Wisconsin
St. John's @ UCONN
Iowa St. @ Texas Tech
Colorado @ Oklahoma St.

1/21
Louisville @ Seton Hall (ESPN 7 pm)
Utah St. @ Fresno St.
Florida @ Arkansas

1/22
Wofford @ Charleston (ESPN2 7 pm)

1/23
Villanova @ St. John's (ESPN 12 pm)
Ohio St. @ West Virginia (CBS 2 pm)
Kansas @ Iowa St. (ESPN 2 pm)
Texas @ UCONN (CBS 4 pm)
South Carolina @ Florida (ESPN 6 pm)
North Carolina St. @ Maryland (ESPN2 6 pm)
Houston @ Memphis (ESPN2 8 pm)
Duke @ Clemson (ESPN 9 pm)
Marquette @ Syracuse
Oklahoma St. @ Kansas St.
BYU @ San Diego St.
Boston College @ Virginia Tech

1/24
Georgia Tech @ Florida St.
Cincinnati @ Louisville

1/25
Georgetown @ Syracuse (ESPN 7 pm)
Missouri @ Kansas (ESPN 9 pm)

Make sure to check back on Friday for my thoughts on the bizarre turn the NFL Playoffs have taken, my picks for the weekend, and I'm sure at least a few other one-liners regarding everything from the results of the Senate race, to the state of my beard...

Until then, be good...

Teddy Williams...

100...

Divisional Picks: Yaaaaa, Cocaine...

Hey there! supporters and frequenters of The Nache!

Sorry if that came across a little too 'hot', kids (and yes, there should be a '!' After 'there!'...that's just how I talllk! Haven't you seen my blogggggs?!?), but after watching Tony Bourdain completely torch 6 tons of Panamanian Nasal Treats, I'm not sure what else I could have possibly opened with. To be honest, if not for my man Tony's inspiration, I might not have even had this week's picks penned in a timely manner. He really is the #1 real TV pimp to Don Drapers #1 fictional TV pimp, and if you're still not watching his hit show No Reservations (10 pm Mondays on the Travel Channel), now's a great time to get on board. You're definitely late to the party, but with a new season just booting up this past week, you can still arrive in time to grab a few gratis adult cocktails and snack on the remaining delicious h'ordeuvres...



Hey, it's great food, great locales, there's an amazing host (I mean, just listen to the guy!), and most importantly, its Rooch Nation approved. It's got 'The Nache' stamp all up over it. It's filthy with that thing, truth by told. Even smells like it. And that smell? Why its pork of course. A magical treat, from a magical pink leathery snouted pouch of deliciousness. Oink oink, baby. Oink oink...

(PS - Joe Dirte and Pootie Tang are also Rooch Nation approved. So, ya know, watch those too.)

But like I said, I had to be inspired to get thing up on time, thanks to a myriad of car issues, power failures, and work related chores, so I don't really have much time to screw around. I mean, I mentioned coke AND pigs, and I haven't even had enough brainstorming time to think up an adequate 'Patrick Ewing' reference. Ya know? Huge nostrils? Pigs have funny snouts? Massive amounts of blow-neez? What? No good? Eh, I thought it had potential. Maybe it was just editorial destiny that I didn't have enough time to properly mold that one. Who knows, but I'm tellin' ya right now, had Len Bias not died on that night, he would have trying to keep pace with Patrick Ewing. And you just know! Lawrence Taylor would be in the mix too. Woooooo Eeee!!...

Either way, it's time to get down to business. So without any further dudes, I'm just gonna get right down to the picks...

Actually, one further dude. The cup holder of the Ford that I've been loaned while my "johnson rod" gets replaced has a cup holder in it that's truly somethin' else. At first I was befuddled thinking there wasn't one at all, and was about to Tweet about it, but then when I found it, I knew this little tidbit was more fit for the blog than for my 160 spaces of freedom. This cup holder is so complex (as opposed to the one pictured...disgusting/you know that chick TOTALLY plays the lottery on an hourly basis and crushes Marb Menthols for breakfast), it's as if Optimus Prime himself is next to me keeping my iced coffee company. I had to do so many pulls and folds to get this thing unearthed, I was convinced at any second that a kilo of the aforementioned Panamanian Bam Bam was gonna come rippin' out of there an spew all over my dash. It didn't, oddly enough, which is why I am actually able to get these suckers to ya before the weekend actually begins. Had the 'Bam Bam' flowed over my rental like the Salmon to Capistrano, then this post might have been headed in an entirely different direction...

Anybody else having trouble feeling their teeth?...

Enjoy, kiddos. Good luck, and have a great weekend. Oh, and if you do happen to win some money, slang some to Wyclef. He needs it for his peeps...2 times, 2 times!

Divisional Picks

Arizona Cardinals (+7) @ New Orleans Saints OVER 57

You see that game last week against Green Bay? Yeah, that's the type of performance I expect the Cardinals and Saints to put on this weekend in New Orleans. It almost makes too much sense to pick the team you just saw win most recently, and the points because these two teams love to score, but for once I'd rather be part of the herd than the good 'ole contrarian. Being the contrarian is how I went 0-4 last week, and while that's impressive in it's own Teddish way, I'm trying my best not to duplicate that performance again...

Glenn Ordway announced this week on WEEI's "Big Show", that he intends to pick all the losers this weekend in order to continue the 0-4 pace he set last week, but that's just him being embarrassed (though you'll never get him to admit it). I, on the other hand, have faith in my ability to bounce back, which is why I'm adding some OVER/UNDER's to my plate in order to finish the '09-'10 on a winning note. So again, to recap. Fat stumpy midget runs away and makes excuses, while statuesque, handsome, bearded savant sticks with his guns, and goes for the glory...

Nah, just kidding, Glenn. You may be stumpy, and you may strongly resemble that weirdo who does that shady food show in the morning and looks like Jabba the Hutt's brother, but you're still the man in this town when it comes to sports. SO for that, I salute you...I have to salute downward, though. Ya know, because you're so stumpy...

Indianapolis Colts (-6.5) vs Baltimore Ravens UNDER 44.5

This game was probably the hardest for me to pick this week, and seeing as I went 0-4 last week, that's saying a lot, but ultimately I decided to stick with the Colts and take the UNDER. I don't like when teams rest their players to end the season, and I usually factor that in, but I think the way this team controversially mailed it in during week 16 might serve as just enough extra motivation to it's stars to come out blazing to start this game. Not that I'm calling Colts owner, Bill Polian, some sort of genius for finding this amazing motivational tool and fooling us all, I just think that seeing as how it all unfolded against the Jets so oddly, will get Peyton and Co. in the right mood to go out there and prove their good to go...

I say they jump on the Ravens early, force Joe Flaccid to do more than the like 5 competitions from a week ago, he won't, and the Colts will ride into the AFC title game behind a 27-10 win. Yeah, 27-10. I like it. Maybe even 27-11, as the Ravens, down 27-3, go for and make a 2 point conversion to make a 2 score game some time in the 4th. Yeahhh. I like it...



Dallas Cowboys (+3.5) @ Minnesota Vikings OVER 45

Which gunslinger's gonna choke, and which one's gonna hop on his horse and Marlboro Man his way to the NFC Championship? That, my friends, is the question...

My decision, was to take the Cowboys in a similar fashion in which I took the Colts. Hop on 'em early, and make their QB beat ya. Thing is here, is that the QB is a little more capable, and wants nothing more than to fall behind and be "forced" into chucking the bean. I say a late strip sack clinches it for the Cowboys, excorcising Tony Romo's demons, and Brett Favre begins his yearly tap dance with the media. Eh, I guess it's better than having to watch him in the Super Bowl. Whenever you're done praying for Haiti, please pray for that, too. Lord knows it wouldn't be as horrific, but Dear God it wouldn't be all that pleasant, either...

And you know who had a heck of a wedding? Yeah, you know. Unless you didn't watch that shadily bootlegged Family Guy clip I have posted up there. That's dedication, taping that thing from your TV. I'd never want to meet the person who would do such a thing, but I'm glad they exist. Like trash men, or crazy street people that entertain you one minute, only to make you sad the next. Oooo he plays the banjo....Ahhhh I bet that backpack doubles as his house :-(...


San Diego Chargers (-7) vs New York Jets UNDER 42.5

Finals match up of the week, but much of the same from this guy. This guy, of course, referring to me...

In past seasons I've screwed myself by never giving enough credit to the #1 and #2 seeds in their first games. Ya know, out of sight out of mind, type deal. Well I'm not doin' that with San Diego this time around. Rivers has been too good, and that team too consistent for me not to pick them for at least the AFC Championship game. I still would have loved to see a GB/SD Super Bowl, but even though that ship has sailed, I still like the Chargers chances...

I know the Jets D is good, but like I said, I see this game going like 2 others above. San Diego comes out hot, forces Dirty Sanchez to make plays, he can't, and the Jets fly back home with Rex Ryan's gullet dandruff tucked between their legs. Rivers just has too many weapons for Darrelle Revis to shut them all down, and there's no way Norv Turner is gonna keep one big time corner from having Big Philly Styles chuck the rock around all game...

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the 'Norv Turner Can't Coach in the Playoffs' factor is being negated in this instance by the 'Yaaaaaa, Go Bolts'. My good friend, and SoCal native, Cyrus Mor (that's him above, explaining why I have a half nude Persian/American dude on my blog), is found of saying "yaaaaaaaaa", and has a knack for jumping on teams' bandwagons' right before they win a Championship (see: Angels '03; Cuse '03). Going to school in San Diego, living across the way from Qualcom Stadium, and being fond of the powder blue uni's....not to mention a 12-4 season coinciding with all this, was more than enough to gain Cyrus's allegiance. That, and the only interest he had before was rooting against "East Coasters", and their favorite teams such as the Jets, Pats and Giants...

So Yaaaaaaa, indeed, my good friends. Take the Bolts, fer Sholts in yet another one sided affair...


Last Week: 0-4-0

'09-'10 Regular Season: 155-110-7 (.583)


Hope you enjoyed the ride, boys and girls, and don't forget to check out RoochNation on Twitter at, @RoochNation. Hell just sign up already. Trust me, if you like being up to date on things in any field whatsoever, Twitter is really the way to go. I know I sound like a broken record at this point, but just like with No Reservations, just do it now, and thank me later. The more hilarious and informative people I can get on my Twitter feed, the better. And chances are, if you're reading this, you're probably both...or neither...

So decide which one you are, and either sign up or don't...And if the only thing you liked about this blog was the shirtless Persian kid, not only should you not sign up, but should seek immediate help...or just go to Gary Glitter's house. And yes, I'm chosing to end on that incredibly gross remark about pedofilia...

Have a great weekend, you ultimate savages...

1 time 4 Haiti...

Teddy Williams...
100...

College Hoops Top 25: It's Reigning Cats...

Greetings, friends and foes, and welcome to the first Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25 for the year 2010. Before I start, I'm gonna touch on a few other pressing matters, but believe me, it's taking everything I have to contain my excitement over the fact that college basketball conference play is finally upon us, and the "real games" can finally being played. I mean I have wood here, literally. Raging, college basketball induced wood that, according to the ads I've seen on TV, should prompt me to consult my physician. But well get to all that in a minute...

First, a few things...



One, Mark McGwire...

OK, so obviously this guy needs money and/or is going through some sort of 12 step program. I mean, why else come clean, right? But that's not the point. The real question that arises in the wake of Big Mac spilling the beans to the worst kept secret since the codes to Punch Out and Mario, is how this "revelation" will affect the HOF voters and how they choose to view McGwire, and his fellow members of the "Steroid Era"....

I'm sorry? What was that? You say you read in a very reputable place that nobody should give a flying fuck about the Hall of Fame and it's group of nerdy wannabe voters? Oh, well then I guess Mark's admission did little more than clear his own conscious. I'm sure it was tough for him, and I'm happy as a fellow human that he no longer needs to feel that hidden shame on an everyday basis, but coming clean after lying for more than 20 years (10 year of lying very publicly) is essentially like never coming clean at all. At least in my book. My very reputable book, that's is...

So good looks, Big Mac. Props to you for finally telling the truth. If you think it's going to change my opinion of you, though, then then you my friend are still a few pickles and one of those middle bun pieces away from the very sandwich that inspired your nickname...

Next, just a few words on the Red Sox. I love John Lackey, and I like Mike Cameron and Marco Scutaro, but Adrian Beltre is just a Dominican JD Drew. A lot of people have been talking about how Theo's plan has been to assemble a team based on defense and pitching, but I think this is more about Theo attempting to impose his will, and convince people that his way of building a team is the right way...

If I were to guess, I would say that despite the fact he's a career .190 hitter in Tampa, NY and Boston combined, Theo believes that Adrian Beltre isn't just in Boston for his glove, and that Epstein has uncovered a trait in his game that will allow him to thrive in Fenway Park's dimensions. I respectfully disagree, and feel building a defensive team is rather pointless in this day and age, but I'm nonetheless excited and interested to see how it all unfolds. As the saying goes, "There's more than one way to run an illegal dogfighting operation across state lines", right? Right...

So let's not count any strategy, no matter hod muddied, before catchers and pitchers even report to Spring Training. A date that's rapidly approaching, I might add...



Finally, we have the Patriots. And to be honest, I don't really have much to say...

I expected them to beat the Ravens, and lose in the 2nd round, so I can't say the loss itself was really all that shocking. But the way they were crushed?!? Truly disheartening...

Now the question becomes "How do they recover? How do they rebuild?" OK, I guess that's 2 questions, but to anyone familiar with this team, we know those two loaded ?'s are essentially one in the same. They still have issues in the running game, linebacking and receiving corps, and an antsy defensive tackle that doesn't want to be franchised. Oh, and did I mention they still don't really even have a true Offensive Coordinator? Yeah, there's a lot to be looked at, to say the least...

I Tweeted after the game that I didn't feel "the Dynasty was dead" so much as I felt that the stigma of "Brady, Belichick and the Patriots" was definitely gone. It doesn't mean they can't get back on top with a reworked roster and a healthier Brady, it just means that them being who they are is no longer worth that few extra points. Matter of fact, it's worth nothing right now, and until (if?) they win another ring, it will flat out cease to exist...

Things look bad, after being beatdown at home against the Ravens, there's no doubt, it's just that there's no real need to panic, either. Should the '10-'11 Patriots resemble this tear's team more than the squads from earlier in the decade? Well that's when you might want to start questioning the coach, and wondering if his magical run has actually come to an end...

It's going to be an interesting offseason, there's no doubt. One that will test not only the resolve of the players, but the true genius and effectiveness of the head coach and the franchise that he's helped rise up from the ashes. Can he do it? Can he survive all the departures, both in personnel and in the front office? Can he replace the people that have made this thing work? Has his approach run it's course, as it does so often in this rapid turnaround world? Like I said, we'll know in about a year from now. So instead of tossing dirt on their grave, keep a keen eye on what they're up to, how they're progressing, and keep in mind that there's still no tangible reason to believe that this team is more likely headed for 5-11 than they are for 11-5...

Tough way to to end it, but it is what it is...

Now, it's on to what you've all been waiting for. Picks so good you're gonna lose control of your bladder and pee all over your thigh and pocket contents. It's the decade debut of the Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25, and unlike my playoff picks from over the weekend, this is sure to be the info that will eventually make sure your pockets are lined with sweet, sweet casheesh...

It's the March towards March, baby, and I for one say it's time to strike up the band, baby!

Get some!...and of course, enjoy...


Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25

1. Kentucky (16-0)

Kansas losing to Tennessee had absolutely no impact when it comes to the Cats starting the year as my #1 in the country. Freshmen John Wall is as legit as they come, and his supporting cast and new head coach have them primed for a big season. I've always been a big fan of Junior forward, Patrick Patterson, too, and while his numbers might by down from his first 2 years in Lexington, it's only because the team around him has gotten that much better...

Hey, it's early, but someone needs to start as the favorite. This year, it's Calipari's Wildcats. Here's to raising another banner that the NCAA will just take away 6 years from now when you leave the program amidst scandal....and probably for taking John Wall's SAT's for him...

2. Purdue (14-1)

When the season began, outside of my beloved Orange, the team I got the most questions about was the Boilermakers. Were they for real? Do they still have that nasty white kid? Stuff like that...

Well, to answer both of those questions with the same response. YES. Purdue is for real, and they do still have that ill white kid. His name, is Robert Paulson....ha!...nah his name is Robbie Hummel, and he figures prominently in a 3-headed monster that should keep his team atop the Big 10 this year. E'Twaun Moore might be the most underrated or at least least talked about star in the country (16.7/3.5/2.5), and at 6'10", JaJuan Johnson might be one of the country's most athletic big men...

The grind it out style of the Big 10 should get them primed for the tourney, and as long as they can be consistent on offense, they'll be a team not even the best of squads will want to see in their quarter of the bracket...

3. Villanova (15-1)

Much like with Kentucky, a loss to Louisville last night @ Freedom Hall wasn't going to drop these Cats from my Top 5, either. But don't get me wrong, an impressive comeback win definitely didn't hurt their stock...

It's the same old story for Jay Wright's boys, as they'll thrive on controlling the tempo with their exceptional guard play on both sides of the ball. Senior Scottie Reynolds (18.8 ppg) is back to steer the ship, and is already atop a heap of 7 Wildcats averaging 8 points a game or more. Now that's balance...

4. Texas (15-0)


5. Kansas (14-1)

I may not hold the Jayhawks in quite as high regard as some of my "peers", but that doesn't mean I don't think they're one Hell of a team. I don't have them ranked as high because I worry about their scoring in crunch time, but that could very well be a problem whose solution presents itself over the long haul of conference play. I mean, some body's gonna have to step up in crunch time if this team's gonna make any noise come March...


6. Syracuse (15-1)

Ahhh, The Orange. By now, my man-crush on Junior transfer, Wesley Johnson, should be obvious, but there's much more to this Syracuse team than just a future lottery pick. Supporting scorers like frosh, Brandon Triche, and upperclassmen Andy Rautins, Scoop Jardine, Rick Jackson and Arinze Onuaku should give the Orange more than enough punch, and most importantly, great length on defense. And that's the key to running that 2-3 zone. Length and athleticism. Oh, and experience doesn't hurt, either...

P.S - Should hot/cold Sophomore swingman and super-athlete, Kris Joesph, actually gain some consistency to his game, then the Orange could quickly become one of the top 3 teams in the Nation. He's not that good, but he would make that big of a difference...

7. Duke (13-2)


8. Michigan St. (13-3)

What can I say? Another year, another tough, Tom Izzo led squad that nobody's gonna wanna face come March. They're still a little raw offensively, and still waiting for Raymar Morgan and Delvon Roe to find their scoring touch, but that's gonna stop them from playing "in your shorts" defense, and taking every game right down to the wire. Hey, Izzo finds ways to win, what can I say, and there's no reason to think that 2010 is going to be any different...

9. West Virginia (12-2)

10. North Carolina (12-4)

Quick, name a starter on the North Carolina Tar Heels. Give up? I thought so. Matter of fact, I bet the only thing you know so far about this year's UNC hoops squad, is that they've lost a lot of National TV games, and their head coach may or may not still have his arm in a sling. Yet for some reason, they're still in my top 10. Even when they're "rebuilding", and not stocked with future lottery picks, the Heels are still tough customers. If you don't know why this year's edition is going to be around all year long, catch a game, and become a believer. It might take them a minute to get their stride, but when they do, watch out. After all, they're still UNC...

11. UCONN (11-4)

Here's an important thing to remember about the RoochNation College Hoops Top 25. Just because a team wins a game against another team, doesn't mean I favor them over over that same team when it comes to playing in the post season and on a neutral court. And here, my friends, is a perfect example of that...

Georgetown beat UCONN by 3 in DC, yet the Hoyas currently sit one spot behind the Huskies in my rankings. And it's common sense, really. Well that, and it's not football. In football, with so few games, there are often knee jerk reaction to individual losses and wins. Problem is, the voters don't seem to make the transition from sport to sport so easily. Whether they actually vote in both polls or not...

As for the common sense element, it's exactly that. If a 3 point home win doesn't tell you that the winning team is likely to lose that game on the road, and/or on a neutral court, then you've seriously been underestimating home court advantage. Especially when it comes to college hoops. It's important, like remembering to look behind you when you're backing out of the driveway. Ya know, you don't wanna not look, and then be surprised when your Swedish trophy wife opens her shoulders and unleashes a 5 wood on your back windshield...

12. Georgetown (12-2)

13. Pittsburgh (13-2)

It's Jamie Dixon, a bunch of young kids, and a bunch of guys that look like they're 25...and it's probably because they are. Like Izzo's Spartans, it doesn't really matter who's on the team, it's the coach and the team mentality that will keep the Panthers hangin' tough through the gauntlet that is the Big East schedule. And they own Syracuse, so a big road win up at the Carrier Dome was just what the Dr. ordered to get conference play started on the right paw...Ha! Paw!

14. Tennessee (12-2)

15. Butler (12-4)

16. Wisconsin (13-3)

17. BYU (16-1)


18. Kansas St. (13-2)

It's always a good sign when the coach is physically beating the player's during the game. Think I'm joking? Well suit yourself, but if Frank Martin doesn't smack his kid last week, the Wildcats aren't in my Top 25. Yup. That's me, in a nutshell...

19. Temple (13-3)

Pepe Sanchez and Don Cheaney might be gone, and Dionte Christmas graduated, but the Temple Owls are back in the Top 25 nonetheless. Senior G Ryan Brooks Junior F Lavoy Allen lead a nice inside-out tandem that make the Owls not only the favorites in the A-10, with Dayton and Xavier, but a formidable opponent to even the most prepared and experienced of the BCS conference teams. Just ask Villanova...

20. Northern Iowa (14-1)

21. Florida St. (13-3)

22. Oklahoma St. (13-3)


23. Cornell (13-3)

Anyone listening has already heard me say (and Tweet @RoochNation) that the Cornell Big Red are more than just "Ivy good" this year, and very well could win 2 games come tourney time. Why aren't they in my top 16 then, you ask? Simple. As good as they are, they'll still need an upset to make it past round 2. I still like the defending Ivy League champs because of their combination of size, experience, and shooting stroke, but I'll have to pick them to pull an upset in round 2 if they're gonna make it to the Sweet 16. Could become too trendy a pick, come March, but that doesn't make this pesky group of wicked smahhht kids any less dangerous...

24. Gonzaga (12-3)

25. Mississippi (12-3)


dropped: NONE

just missed: Georgia Tech; Baylor Clemson ; St. Mary's; Washington; UNLV; Dayton


Now normally, this would be where you would find a recap of a particularly important game from the previous week. Just not this week. Instead, take a look at the games coming up this week, and map out your schedule accordingly. I've given you times and channels, and it's up to you to do the rest. And I'm not claiming that I'll watch all these games myself, but you'll be sure that I know the outcomes. It's watching games like these that will help give you an edge come March. That, and they're, well ya know, entertaining? More so than the NBA, at least...

Enjoy!



This Week's Slate
1/12
Ohio St. @ Purdue (ESPN 7 pm)
Texas A&M @ Kansas St. (ESPN2 7 pm)
NC State @ Florida St.
Kentucky @ Florida (ESPN 9 pm)

1/13
UCONN @ Pittsburgh (ESPN2 7 pm)
Minnesota @ Michigan St.
Texas @ Iowa St.
Boston College @ Duke
Wisconsin @ Northwestern
Georgia Tech @ Virginia
Vanderbilt @ Alabama

1/14
Indiana @ Michigan (ESPN 9 pm)
Gonzaga @ St. Mary's (ESPN2 11 pm)

1/15
NONE

1/16
Dayton @ Xavier (ESPN2 11 am)
Syracuse @ West Virginia (ESPN 12 pm)
Georgia Tech @ North Carolina (ESPN 2 pm)
Illinois @ Michigan St. (CBS 330 pm)
Texas A&M @ Texas
Texas Tech @ Kansas
Purdue @ Northwestern
Mississippi @ Tennessee
Wisconsin @ Ohio St.
Louisville @ Pittsburgh
Virginia Tech @ Florida St.
Oklahoma St. @ Baylor
Vanderbilt @ South Carolina
Maryland @ Boston College

1/17
Georgetown @ Villanova
UCONN @ Michigan (CBS 130 pm)
Wake Forest @ Duke (FSN 8 pm)

1/18
Syracuse @ Notre Dame (ESPN 7 pm)
Texas @ Kansas St. (ESPN 9 pm)



There you have it, ladies and Teds. The first poll of the season, and you're not even sore. Good for you...

I'll catch you this weekend to see if I can improve on my 0-4 playoff record, and provide you with the picks sure to make you look smart...or me look stupid. Either way I figure you come out on top, so you don't have much to lose...

Oh and make sure to keep tabs on me on Twitter (@RoochNation) where I'm becoming fast virtual friends with the likes of @Questlove, of The Roots, and @jerrycrasnick, noted author and sports columnist for ESPN. To reiterate, if you like breaking news, and you have a smart phone, you need Twitter. It's that simple. I know it sounds nerdy, and I know it sounds like it's for trendy tools, but it's not. Get over yourself, take a 5 minute break from watching that horrific rerun of Jersey Shore, and sign up already. Those meatheads will still be there, drinking too much booze, wearing too much spary tan, and flaunting too many labels when you're done...

Now everyone go out and finish this week strong. Make it your bitch, like Pete Carroll did to the Seahawks. Yeah...something like that....

I'm outta here!

Teddy Williams...
100...

Wild Card Weekend: Spit On This, Bitches...

Greetings again, pimps and pimpettes. The NFL Playoffs are indeed upon us, but before I get down to dishing out my sure fire locks for the weekend's first round, there are a few other issues that I'd like to address. As my friend Bryan Morry, the #1 Pimp @ The Hall @ Patriot Place, recently told me, "You need a forum, Ferruccio." And I couldn't agree more...

So let's get to it...

First and foremost, let's start with the topic that prompted both me contacting my knowledgeable friend, Bryan, as well as his insightful response. The Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. ...

Here's a list. Ricky Henderson. Ken Griffey Jr. Roberto Alomar.

I've said for years, to anyone that would listen (and thankfully, that list is growing longer with each post), that these were the best position players I've seen take the field during my lifetime. Steroids, no steroids, whatever. These 3 are the best, and in my opinion, there's quite the gap between these fellas and whoever might reside at #'s 4, 5 and 6. So needless to say, when I heard that Andre Dawson was the only player on the 2010 ballot to gain entrance to the Hall, I was a little taken aback. Not surprised, mind you, because I'm rather familiar with how fickle and (shockingly) uninformed most of these voters are, but definitely disappointed and to a certain degree, further disillusioned...

It's really a sad commentary, when you think about it, but not being surprised that such a dominant force as Alomar was left out of the Hall, first ballot or not, speaks to the lack of respect that I, and any other self respecting fan, have for the accolades that America's past time hands out. Whether it's the pointlessness of the Gold Glove (see:Palmeiro 1999) or the confusion surrounding the MVP (best player on best team, or just flat out best player?), MLB has long set the precedent that it's the whims and desires of it's voting bodies that decide who is worthy, rather than the actual performance of a given player...

And I get it, believe me. Baseball prides itself on two things. Numbers and tradition. And don't think for a second that those two thoughts aren't first and foremost on a voter's mind when they cast their ballots for these things. Well that, and who they might owe a favor to, but that's another story all together...

No, baseball's voters, oh Hell let's just come out and say it already, the Baseball Writers of America, view themselves for better, and oftentimes worse, as the gatekeepers of the game they cover and the game they allegedly love. Problem is, is that having the writers serve as gatekeepers, and giving them the power to decide who's worthy, is akin to giving the pre-tween fans of the Jonas Brothers the ability to write, compose and produce all of the groups singing material (OK that analogy sucked, but you get what I mean). Simply put, it's the inmates running the asylum. A bunch of wannabes (for the most part) that all of a sudden think they know what's right for the game, and who's deserving, without ever having done so much as shagged a single fly ball, or even emptied the clubhouse cooler. It's really rather embarrassing, and while I've felt this way for a long time, it took the snubbing of a player I hold in such high regard for me to mount any sort of reaction. That's not to say that you have to have played in order to be able to judge or enjoy the players, it's just that the Baseball Writers come more from a place of jealousy and envy than they do respect and admiration...

It's not that I'm going to stop watching, either, or that I've come to some sudden realization that's going to make me feel differently about the sport I love, it's just again an instance in which I want you, the reader, to be informed as to what a massive joke this is. And not only this, but every award Major League Baseball hands out. They're all just jokes, now. Like I mentioned above, the Gold Glove, All Star Game, and MVP have already gone the way of the beeper and Beanie Baby in terms of relevance, and with this latest omission, I'm sorry to say the Hall of Fame can't be too far behind. I mean, leaving out a guy who finished with 10+ Gold Gloves, 10+ All Star appearances and finished in the top 5 of the MVP voting 6 times? That's pretty pathetic. And I know I just ripped those awards, but considering the same guys handing those out were the same guys voting here, then not only can I use them in my argument, but it makes Robby's failed campaign even that much more hysterical. Especially when, in the aftermath(?) of steroids, the main criteria for gaining admittance is often summed up with the question "Were they dominant in the era in which they played?" One glance at Robby's numbers, and the answer to that question should have been a resounding, YES!..

And besides, numbers shmumbers. If you saw the guy play, you know what I mean. He was the epitome of a 5-tool player. And like Henderson and Griffey Jr., not only did he possess those 5 tools (hitting, hitting for power, fielding, base running, and throwing), but he was one of, if not the elite player, atop each category at his position for a substantial period of time. But hey, if you wanna check his numbers out, and see how he stacks up, be my guest. You're only going to see what you more than likely already knew...

Roberto Alomar's Career Stastistics: http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/a/alomaro01.shtml

So, was Robby left out of the Hall because he spit on an umpire? An umpire that all but admitted to using a racial slur during their legendary confrontation? Unlikely. I choose to look at it like this. The voters for these things are like professors you had in school that on the first day would say, "Nobody is going to get an A in this class." They hold people to impossible standards and elminate logic from their thought process for the sole reason of making themselves look and feel superior. That's why nobody is ever voted in unanimously. And that's a load of crap. Even more, the voting for these things is a lot like the BCS. A convoluted process created to do nothing else but stimulate conversation amongst it's fans and pundits. A system they know is imprefect, but that they choose to keep in place because of the extra publicity it brings to their game...

Well touche, baseball, becaues you got me bitchin' about it. But much like the the BCS, it's just flat out unecessary. Roberto Alomar was robbed of an acoolade he deserves, plain and simple. And all this did was to further the truth that something that should be special, like the Hall of Fame, has been turned into nothing more than a forum for geeks to flex their muscle. Again, it's a sad commentary, but that doesn't make it any less true...

Speaking of forums. Before I hop off my soapbox and get to the picks, there's just one more thing I'd like to discuss...


Get ready to be shocked, people, but I felt I should mention this now before I have to explain it to another 500 people. I did NOT like the movie, The Hangover. It's not one of the 10 funniest movies I've ever seen. It's not one of the 20 funniest movies I've ever seen. Matter of fact, I'm fairly confident it's not one of the 50 funniest movies I've ever seen. TO be completely honest, it took me 4 times sitting down to watch it to actually get through it. Once I feel asleep, and twice I simply turned it off to watch something else. And I actually think Zach Galifinakis is usually pretty damn funny!! IT's just, that not only have I already seen Zach play that role (Out Cold, anyone? ), but I've seen the "bachelor party" premise played out a million times, and I just didn't find any really exceptional about this particular reincarnation. And while I know it's the way a lot of actors make their money, I just can't stand when a talented actor like Zach is typecast and relegated to fluff, when I've seen him do such good work, such as HBO's Bored to Death. It's why I don't like almost all Vince Vaughn movies, and why at the same time, virtually nobody I know likes to hear my opinion about popular movies...

Hey, I'm a movie snob, what can I say? But I just thought I'd throw it out there, ya know, because I have a forum...







Now, it's on with the picks! And before you read the sage selections I have made, I'd like you all to channel you're inner Jim Mora, and give your best "playoffs?!?!?" yelp, to get things started...

Did you do it? Good. Now let's giggity giggity go!...GIGGITY!


Wild Card Picks


New England Patriots (-3.5) vs Baltimore Ravens

In what many are calling the Patriots most disappointing season of the last 10 years, New England still has a home playoff game, and is favored by nearly 4 points. Talk about crying poor with two Rex Ryan's under each arm, huh? But I guess every thing's relative, right? And that's why, despite the team's success, there are still plenty of good seats available (as of Thursday night) for the Sunday afternoon tilt...

Naturally the Pink Hats will be back in full force should the Pats find a way to make it to round 2, but right now they just don't think this team doesn't have what it takes to bring home a 4th ring, so they figure what's the point? Talk about snobby and feeding in to the "please sit down when you're cheering and pass my kid a juice box or I'll call security" label that many like me have placed on the average Pats fan. But again, that's another column for another time...

In this game, I'm taking the Pats not only because I love them, but because this game falls into two of the betting trends that I like to follow. 1) When two teams are more or less even, take the home team AND 2) When weather might be a factor, take the team with the better passing game. Well, the Pats are home, and they have the better passing game. So there ya go...

From an analytical standpoint, I like the Pats mostly because I just don't trust Joe Flaccid and the Baltimore Ravens passing attack. Ray Rice is great, and I'm sure he'll give the Patriots issues, but when push comes to shove, it's Flaccid that's going to have to win it or lose it for the Ravens, and in this case, I'd be more inclined to believe he's gonna lose it. He's showed flashes so far in his young career that he's going to be great, he's just not quite there yet. Not to mention he doesn't exactly have a plethora of weapons to throw to...

I look for Brady and the Pats to control the ball, both on the ground and in the air, and do just enough on defense to keep themselves ahead from wire to wire. I know that just sounded a lot like "the Pats are going to win because they're better, and all they need to do is score more points", but what can you do? They're the better team, they're at home, and with or without Welker, they should be able to walk out of Foxboro this Sunday with a victory in hand. Round 2 should be a different story all together, but in terms of the first round, I really like their chances...

Pats 24 Ravens 16...Pink Hats 0...


Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5) vs New York Jets

Another trend that I enjoy following, and have done so to quite a bit of success, is "when everybody is picking the underdog, pick the favorite". And I know the Jets have the #1 rush offense and defense in the NFL, that they just smacked the Bengals in the mouth last week and that a lot of Ocho Cinco's crew is banged up, but I don't care. I dislike the Jets, I like this trend, and I like reading Ocho Cinco's tweets (@OGOchoCinco), so I'm taking the Bengals...

OH, and I hope the rumors that Rex Ryan is going to coach the game topless is a joke. Although having him lose his man boobs due to frostbite could be utterly (ha!) hilarious. And seeing as Nip/Tuck has all but run it's course, I wouldn't even have to sweat his disgusting persona and storyline appearing on an upcoming episode. Yeah, so go ahead, knock yourself out Rexy The Cable Guy. Even though you yourself said your team was eliminated from playoff contention, it's time to go out there and get 'er done!...

Or don't. You fat Ted...Or DO, only so you can then pave the way for the Pats...You fat Ted...


Green Bay Packers (+1.5) @ Arizona Cardinals

I'll say it right now. Should the Patriots fall, my ideal Super Bowl matchup would be the Packers and the Chargers. And unlike the Jets, who beat their playoff foe just a week ago, I like the Pack to continue to roll and move past the Cardinals and into the second round. Not that I don't think the Cards are a dangerous playoff team, and that they won't play much better than last week, I just think the Packers are clicking at the right time and are gonna be tough to stop. A lot like the NFC Champion Cardinals of a year ago...

Should be a good one, but with the bi-polar nature of the Cards, this one also has the best chance of turning into a blowout in favor of the Bear and the Pack. So if you were so inclined to step out on a limb and "lightning" a bet (betting a certain amount of $ on each point a team will or won't cover the spread by), this would be the game to choose...

FEAR THE BEARD...

Philadelphia Eagles (+4.5) @ Dallas Cowboys

Last but not least, we have another rematch from last weekend. And seeing as I took one winner (GB) and one loser (CIN) from the previous week's games, it's only fitting that the showdown between these two enigmatic squads should settle the argument...

Obviously, I'm taking the Eagles, but more to just keep this thing close than to come away with the outright win. I would have been surprised had you told me a few weeks ago that this would have been my take, but its the playoffs, and here we are...

What I'm banking in this one, is history. And since I can't pick both of these notorious choke-squads to do exactly that, I'm going with the team that has the most recent and encouraging resume when it comes to using this game to pull the unnatural trick of grasping defeat from the jaws of victory. To put even a finer point on it, I expect a Roy Williams drop-turned-pick to be the difference, and the reason, that the Eagles walk away with the win, or at least get this thing to within 4 points. That Matt Millen reject, T-Rex lookin bust of a WR, is a play like that waiting to happen...

So while Tony Romo will be part of the "highlight" that doomed the 'Boys season this time around, it'll Reverend Roy's name that Dallas fans will be cursing come Monday morning...

Oh and the smart money is over 1.5 on how many times Donovan McNabb blows Chunky soup all over the field if the game is close in the 4th quarter. And 4 to 1 that DeSean Jackson slips on it and tears his ACL, only to have Marion Barber III dive on the turf and eat that puke up like the ultimate savage that he is...

Tough thing about this one, is that either way, an obnoxious fan base is going to be rewarded. The plus side is, one's going to be devastated, too. So I'll take it...



Still not buying into my prowess? Well, I might not be a world beater, but I closed out the season in impressive fashion last week, and with another winning year in the books, plan on continuing my run through this year's playoffs...


Last Week: 12-8-0 (Top Picks: 6-1-0)

'09-'10 Top Picks: 78-60-6 (.563)

Overall: 155-110-7 (.583)

Lock of the Week: 14-3-0 (.824)



So there you have it, kids. Good luck and God speed...

And be on the lookout next week for news on the Sox, and the debut of the Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25 for the year 2010 (pronounced twenty-ten, by the way)...

Oh, and for all of you that knew about, and failed to tell me that Tom Sizemore AND estranged gf Heidi Fleiss were both on the new season of Celebrity Rehab? We are no longer friends...

Have a good weekend, friends...

Teddy Williams...
100...