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Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Thanksgiving Picks: Gobble Gobble, My Damies


The picture really says it all, doesn't it?  Thanksgiving: The holiday where sexy Indians take ecstasy and attempt to rape/kill a dog in a Pilgrim costume. Ahhh yes, the holidays are here...

And with Thanksgiving knocking down the door to kickoff yet another holiday season, I think it's important to remember what it is that holidays are actually all about.  Those would be, in no particular order; family, friends, football and food.  The 4 F's, if you will.  Not to be confused with a "4F'er", which if you remember from last week is pretty much the antithesis of what the holiday season is all about...

But that is what it's all about.  And not just Thanksgiving, but the entire holiday season.  Spending time with the ones you love, stuffing your face, and watching the biggest and best football games of the season with baited breath.  IT doesn't get much better than that.  Well it might, if you're able to add some extra scratch due to my expert picks and a little Online Betting, but that's an extra step I prefer to reserve for only the boldest and baddest of holiday sports handicappers...

And while I've yet to figure out which element of the season makes watching the football so much better; whether it's the amount on the line, the increased presence of good people doped up on turkey juice, or the gentle scent of cinnamon wafting through the air; the fact is there's no denying that this time of year serves as a high point on the annual football watching schedule...

So on the eve of this kickoff of food and love, allow me to give you this non edible, yet incredibly delicious treat that will hopefully make your football experience this weekend all that more enjoyable.  Consider them desert, except you're eating them before your meal.  OR better yet, consider them a delicious dip, dripping with delicious cheese and packed full of spicy goodness.  Mmmmmmm, delicious spicy football picks...

But in all non-delicious seriousness, I want to wish all of you out there in Rooch Nation a happy and healthy Thanksgiving.  It seems we don't take enough time these days to stop and appreciate all the great things and great people in our lives, so make sure you get out there and take advantage of a series of holidays that are designed to do exactly that.  Cuz let's face it, kids.  We ain't gettin' any younger...

Gobble Gobble, my damies.  And again, have a Happy Thanksgiving...    

Thanksgiving Picks



New England Patriots (-6.5) @ Detroit Lions + OVER 50.5

If I were the lying type, I'd tell you this pick was a slam dunk.  Or, to use the parlance of our times, an extra point.  But seeing as it's the holiday season, and I just gushed about friends and family and love and whatnot, the last thing I'm gonna do is start things off with a lie...

I mean, let's face it.  The Pats are coming off 2 of their biggest games of the season (@ PITT, vs INDY), playing a road game with a short week, and possibly looking ahead to their Monday Night showdown (12/6) against the New York Jets.  A game that would be the biggest game of the season should both those teams enter 9-2...and notice I didn't say "arguably"...

Right.  Not exactly an ideal situation.  And to be honest, if this game were on a Sunday, I'd definitely be taking the Lions and the points.  I'd still like NE to win, but I'd be laying the 7 hoping that, like Indy, the Lions would pull a shady back door cover.  But hey, it's the holidays, and the last thing I wanna do is get my holiday season started with some bad karma...

Patriots 31 Lions 21.  Shaun Hill and friends can score, and might keep this one competitive looking, but let's not forget who we're dealing with here.  It's the freakin' Lions...

J-E-T-S, baby.  The game of the year is a mere 2 weeks away, and I can taste it!...Up, nope, that was just a delicious piece of cheese dip that got caught in that gap where my back tooth used to be...

Mmmmmm, delicious rivalries...    


New Orleans Saints (-3.5) @ Dallas Cowboys + OVER 51

I know I use pictures of Kim Kardashian a lot, but seeing as I'm pretty sure Jon Kitna is the only one playing in this game that hasn't roasted that celebutante rump I figured this time her presence would actually be appropriate.  It's just too bad Miles Austin and Reggie Bush don't play on opposite sides of the ball.  Haha imagine what might get said if they ever met at the bottom of a pile?  Haha with so many big asses stuffed into spandex around I'm sure there would be no shortage of inspiration...

Oh and you see that "oh, is that my ass behind me?" pose?  That's my favorite, right there, and the one Reggie (should he actually return) and the defending champs are going to be giving The Cowboys on their way out the door.  "Oh, was that your season?"...


New York Jets (-9) vs Cincinnati Bengals

Pretty easy math on this one.

1) The Bengals are turkeys (Ha!) AND 2) I can picture Rex Ryan stuffing his face with some sort of post game victory Turducken chunk.  Like with the Pats, I'm not thrilled with taking such a big # coming off a few consecutive close games and a short week, but being at home and up against a "dead coach walking" actually have me picking this sucker with confidence...

Also, I'd be lying if I told you I didn't want the Jets to win this week.  I like my teams to be the best, but most importantly I like it when they have to get there by beating the best...

9-2 vs 9-2...FIGHT! (Rex Ryan as Zangief OR Blanca? YOU decide.  The Pats are Guile, obviously, while I consider myself more of a Dhalsim...)


Talkin' about that Turduckeneveryone's Thanksgiving experience...

So here's to you, Coach, wherever you may be.  Like the Pilgrims, you'll be forever etched as a part of Thanksgiving lore, and for that, we as fans will be eternally grateful...
  

Last Week: 12-8-0 (Top Picks: 4-4-0)

Top Picks: 43-39-3 (.524)

Overall: 86-70-4 (.550)

LOCK OF THE WEEK: 7-8-0



BLACK FRIDAY.  A term originally coined by the real estate community to signal their ascension into the "black", it now signifies the best and worst of what capitalism has to offer.  By 'best', I mean the incredible display of commerce that takes place, and by 'worst', I mean countless incidents that might as well come straight from the journal of one Frank Costanza...

"As I reigned blows upon him, I realized there had to be a better way!"...

Hahaha gold, Jerry. Gold!

Stay away from the malls, kids.  Get yourself a nice plate of leftovers, sit down, and watch yourself some great college football action.  Or in my case, do all that after you play in an annual flag football game.  Either way, just make sure you don't miss this delicious slate.  Especially The Iron Bowl, which could arguably prove to bet the best game of the year.  See?  I used arguably this time.  Not nearly as certain of that one...

It's a Black Friday for the rest of us! Enjoy..

NCAA Black Friday Picks
(1) Oregon (-18) vs (20) Arizona

The Ducks return home after a close call by the Bay against Cal, while the now 21st ranked Wildcats looked to avoid losing their 3rd straight.  I'm taking the Ducks to bounce back in a big way in an attempt to prove their worth on a National stage...

Oh and remember in the movie Speed when Sandra Bullock had an Arizona Wildcats shirt on and that proved to be the break Keanu Reeves needed to solve the case? Huh, funny the things you remember.  CSI had nothing on Jack Traven, or whatever his name was.  Then again, he didn't have what it took to save Harry, which I'm sure didn't sit too well with Lloyd...

Huh, funny how movies tend to run together.  Even funnier that this post didn't end with a Mighty Ducks reference...

Cake eater...

(9) Alabama (-3.5) vs (2) Auburn

The Iron Bowl is the best intrastate rivalry in college football, and it certainly didn't need any extra hype.  But with controversy continuing to circle around Auburn QB and Heisman front runner, Cam Newton, it's certainly got it...

Now, all the experts seem to be rolling with the Tide this week, and despite my penchant for Newton and the "War Eagle" battle cry, I have to agree.  Saban's boys are just the more balanced group, and given the time he's had to prepare for Cam and the Auburn offense, you have to like his chances...

Ultimately, I'd love for this to end up us a multi OT Instant Classic, but the smart money in this one lies with the Crimson Tide.  And hey, if they win by 6 in like the 5th OT, then everybody wins.  It could be a Thanksgiving miracle!!..

Oh and even though I took the Tide, how hilarious is that white trash get up that Bama hater has on?  Ha!  I bet that game was a 4F'er, too.  And I got $5 says that thong ended the day A) covered in puke on the floor of a men's bathroom OR B) soaked in urine...but still on that chick...  

(3) Boise St. (-14) @ (19) Nevada

This sucker has 4F'er written ALL OVER IT.  Just like that TCU/Utah game...

It looks like it should be close, but having won the last 10 in this rivalry, and watching them play better this year than I've ever seen in the past, is all the evidence I need to side with the Broncs.  Blue turf or not, head coach Chris Peterson has them out to send a message week in and week out.  This week shouldn't be any different...

This team's gonna win the National Championship, kids.  That is, if the pollsters let them play for it...

Colorado (+17.5) @ (16) Nebraska

Nebraska's leaving for the Big 10, Colorado for the Pac 10.  Nebraska is coming off it's most turbulent week of the season, where it's starting QB allegedly quit, and 2 of it's coaches were penalized for going berserk on the refs.  Colorado is coming off 2 straight wins, and is being led by a QB (Cody Hawkins) whose father (Dan) getting fired as head coach is what started the upward tick...

Now I usually get in trouble with these type of situations, reading too much into one team's plight or another team's success, but seeing as my Black Friday 4-pack is lacking an upset, I figure why not roll the proverbial dice.  Besides, it's Thanksgiving!  And while I know there's probably a ton of father-son relationships you could point to, what would be better than Cody Hawkins getting a huge win for his essentially disgraced father?  OK, I can think of a lot of things that would be better, but that's helping me justify my pick...    


Last Week: 5-6-1

Overall: 77-57-4 (.572)

SO there you have it, friends.  As usual, I hope you enjoyed.  And I hope this serves as the beginning to what will hopefully be a very happy and eventful weekend.  One more time, from me and mine to your and yours, Happy Thanksgiving...

Gobble Gobble, my damies.  Gobble Gobble...


Don't be shy, have a thigh!

Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

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