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Friday, November 05, 2010

NFL Week 9 Picks: The Twin City Mad Men


Kevin Garnett and Randy Moss.  The two superstars who honed their skills in Minnesota, only to eventually bring them to Massachusetts, have both been all over the news this week for their behavior.  Or more to the point, for their bizarre behavior.  So before I get to my picks this week, allow me a minute or two to comment  on their recent actions, and per usual put them in their proper light...

First, let's start with KG.  And in case you missed it, here's what he said that's garnered him such negative attention...


"KG called me a cancer patient," Villanueva tweeted. He added that: "I wouldn't even trip about that, but a cancer patient, I know way (too) many people who passed away from it, and I have a special place (for) those."


So according to Pistons forward, Charlie Villanueva, Kevin Garnett, in a bout of smack talk, told Villanueva that he looked like a cancer patient.  KG's response?  He said he called Charlie "a cancer to his team and the league".  Reality?  Garnett definitely called Villanueva a "cancer patient", and Villanueva is definitely a huge bitch...


The first part: While it may seem incredibly insensitive to call someone a "cancer patient", and it is, the resemblance between Charlie Villanueva and a patient just having gone through intense chemo therapy is rather freaking stunning.  And we as fans have been hearing that comparison drawn since he played high school ball with Luol Deng.  Personally, I long ago chose to go with the nick "Black Powder" when describing Villanueva and his Alopecia, but I'm not going to lie to you and say I've never used the "c" word when taking shots at him.  It's just such an easy joke to make, and as I said, the physical resemblance is really quite hard to ignore.  Inappropriate?  Sure.  But no less inappropriate than a lot of other stuff you're gonna hear on the court of an NBA game.  And not the only time you'll hear a person mocked for something they can't help.  Which brings me to part #2...


For better or worse, and mostly worse, talk like this is literally a part of the game.  To use a topical example, trash talking is to the NBA what head shots are to the NFL.  Unnecessary, but inherently part of the game.  If Kevin Garnett said what he said, and I'm fairly sure he did, it was probably only one of several phrases used in that game that we as a public would not find kosher.  Does the league have a problem?  Not in my eyes, but with technological improvements bringing fans closer and closer to the action, it's something they'll probably begin to monitor more closely.  But like I said, it's a part of the game, and it always has been.  I've heard my whole life how big a trash talker Larry Bird was, and even been told numerous times that the stuff he said could not be repeated on air.  So what's changed since then?  It's really pretty simple...



Technology.  And this brings me to why Villanueva is a bitch.  Listen, I know two things to be true.  1) Kevin Garnett is the BIGGEST and MOST OFFENSIVE trash talker in the NBA today.  This we knew even before this incident.  AND 2) When it comes to being offended, it only takes one side.  If someone gets offended, that's it.  The offender doesn't have to agree, it's all on the person being offended.  IF I tell a joke, and it offends you, then it was offensive, plain and simple.  Doesn't matter what I think...


So keeping those two things in mind, here's why Charlie Villanueva is a bitch.  What he did, was back down from a fight, and then run to the cops to tell them he was being harassed.  PUNK move.  In fact, I'm no Urban Dictionary expert, but I'm pretty sure if you looked up 'Punk Move' in said innovative Interweb reference tool, that's probably damn close to the definition you'd find.  That, and a sketchy sexual position that may or may not involve an Ashton Kutcher DVD, but we can't let that get us sidetracked...


Listen, if Charlie said something at the time, or even threw down right then and there, I would understand.  But this running to Twitter is just for PUNKS!  You got a beef?  Settle it like a man, or MOVE ON like a man.  Just don't go running to mommy after the fact, because then you'll always come off lookin' like a bitch...


So what did we learn?  That Kevin Garnett is a two faced capitalist that tries to pass of his racist and prejudiced side as on court "passion"?  That Charlie Villanueva is a hairless bitch, who apparently doesn't adhere to the sticks and stones theory?  That incredibly insensitive things get said during sporting events?  Nah, we already knew both of those things.  At least I did.  So I guess we'll just have to file this under entertainment, rather than news.  A line that a main figure in my next little rant couldn't seem to draw if you spotted them a ruler...




Now it's on to Randy Moss, and for me, this part is pretty simple.  Why?  Well because I've been on top of this thing from the word GO!, my damies.  So take a gander at my updated timeline on the events that transpired to bring Randy Moss to the Tennessee Titans...


1) For some odd reason, Randy Moss set the start of the 1st game of the season as his own personal deadline.  In his mind, the Patriots had until then to offer him an extension.  In reality, that window had closed weeks earlier, which is why I say "for some odd reason"...


2) Randy and his people get word to the Patriots front office that he wants to be traded, and Randy starts to show signs that he may becoming disruptive.  IE, the press conference after the popening game against the Bengals...




3) Here's where it gets weird.  Randy and his people were bluffing with their trade demands, trying to gain leverage, but two key factors helped make the deal a reality.  First, ALL of the Patriots front office really likes Randy Moss.  They didn't want to deal him, but I also think they didn't mind trying to help him out.  Ya know, to help him secure his future with the one final big money contract that they weren't willing to give him.  They also knew that a disgruntled Moss could potentially poison their clubhouse.  Secondly, the trade demand forced Belichick to look at his offense in a different light.  And ya know what, he didn't hate what he saw.  So they figured they could help out a friend, garner a draft pick, and their offense wouldn't be worse off.  With that, he was off to Minnesota...


4) Randy gets to Minnesota, and the 4th game in he comes back to Foxboro to play the Patriots.  In his post game press conference, after catching just 1 ball, Randy says, in no certain terms, that he pretty much wishes he were still back with the Patriots.  The Vikings don't take to kindly to this, along with other purported outbursts, and they cut him...


5) Tennessee claims him with their 23rd waiver wire priority, and here we are.  Oh wait, sorry.  Randy and his agents got the word out that Randy would sit out the season if he weren't happy with the team that claimed him. Then the Titans claimed him.  Now here we are...


It's been as simple as it has been entertaining to watch it all unfold.  It's an emotionally unstable guy, making a bunch of rash decisions, and doing it all whilst pouting and stamping around like a 5 year old.  Pretty standard stuff, in terms of the modern athlete, but fun to watch nonetheless...


What pisses me off about the Randy Moss saga, is the way with which ESPN and ESPN.com run with every story about this guy like it came from the mouth of God himself.  Randy Moss was waived for disrespecting the catered spread from a local restaurant?  I mean, is that really a legitimate story?  And if so, do you really think we're going to believe that's why he got cut?  Come on, ESPN.  I'd have to be an idiot to believe that, and the Vikings would have to be one of the most inept sports franchises of all time for that to be true.  Besides, it's not like there was a shortage of reasons as to why they let him go.  I mean, he did pine for his ex team in a press conference and tell the owner that the coach needed to go.  You think maybe that had more to do with it than his critique of the chicken and ribs?  Yeah, I'd say that's probably a safe bet...


You're better than this, ESPN.  Or at least you used to be.  Or maybe you never were, and I'm just older and wiser.  Either way, you're skewing towards TMZ is beginning to become more obvious, and your stories less relevant.  Never a good thing.  Then again, that's what I've come to expect from the network that made a star out of Mike Greenberg, killed the allure of Rick Reilly, and relegated Kenny Mayne to horse racing and Internet sketches...


So, yeah.  Randy Moss.  Further proof that emotional instability + video cameras = good times.  I might not be sayin' that if the Pats weren't 6-1 and leading the NFL, but they are, so that's how I feel.  Keep on keepin' on, Randy, and see if you can't actually beat the Jets the 3rd time around.  I hear it's the charm...


And speaking of charms, I slayed last weekend and I'm ready to get back at it.  Even had ALL 3 of my LOCKS OF THE WEEK pull through.  The season and I are starting to round in the form, and after this week the dreaded .500 mark should be nicely framed in my proverbial rear view mirror.  So let's have at it kids, and hey!...let's try to keep it clean...                     

Week 9 Picks


New England Patriots (-4.5) @ Cleveland Browns + UNDER 44

A lot of pundits look at this and see a classic "trap", but with all that's been surrounding the Patriots this year I just don't see them falling into one.  Will they lose again this year?  Probably.  Matter of fact, I'll guarantee it.  Just not this week, and not to this team.  The Browns don't suck, mind you, they're just not going to come within a touchdown of the Patriots.  If they can run the ball effectively, the Pats that is, then they'll able to play clock control.  If not, Brady will just pick the Cleveland secondary apart.  Either way, I don't see it being much a struggle...

I say New England 27 Cleveland 13.  And this is from the guy that predicted the total score within 3 points last week, and the total margin of victory within 1.  And needless to say you can label this sucker as my LOCK OF THE WEEK.  That's right. baby.  It's back!  I managed to trick karma last week by not "officially" naming any LOCKs, but this week I'm back.  And if last week was any indication, then this pick should be as good as (the current price of) gold...


Green Bay Packers (-8) vs Dallas Cowboys

Strippers and Meth.  Pretty much says it all, doesn't it?...

Oh and throw "fat idiot" in there.  NOW that says it all...


"I've always wondered, coach. What's 'Norv' short for?"

San Diego Chargers (-3) @ Houston Texans + OVER 50

Seems to happen every year.  San Diego starts out the season playin' like shit, only to turn on the jets and finish strong.  Well, I'm bankin' on last week's win over Tennessee to serve as the catalyst towards another one of those runs.  And the facts that Houston is coming off a short week, and that the spread has doubled since the line opened, also lend credence towards the fact that the Chargers are primed to win this game.  Their 0-4 record may not suggest that, but I'm choosing to point to that as a reason why they're "due".  When in doubt that's always a great line to rely on.  Dude's batting .148? He's due!  Team's 0-4 on the road?  They're due!  See.  It works.  And you know it works...

Oh and my guess to the question posed in the caption?  Norville Redenbacher Turner III.  And I bet grandpa ties a mean bow tie, too.  Like the ones you read about...


Buffalo Bills (+3) vs Chicago Bears

So I was searching Google Images for a motivational poster about the Bills.  Ya know, one that would say how much they sucked and how many Super Bowls they lost?  Maybe a picture of Scott Norwood or a 3rd world kid wearing a Bills Super Bowl champions T-shirt?  Well apparently that was too much to ask.  Instead, when I typed in "Buffalo sucks", I got this tasteful little piece of artwork that's pictured above.  Touche, Bills fan.  Touche.  You're just lucky you're playing against Jay Cutler this week.  Play the Pats again, then we'll see whose mascot enjoys the male fellatio.  Yeah, that's right!  It's just too bad it's not as funny as inferring that a buffalo likes dudes...


Indianapolis Colts (+3.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Final Top Pick of the week brings us to possibly the game of the week in the NFL.  Peyton Manning and the Colts, coming of a big Monday Night win, taking on a Philly team that's welcoming back one Michael Vick...

These squads are both banged up, but that's why I give the inherent edge to the Colts.  It seems every year the Colts suffer through injuries, yet every year they pull guys from their bench and their practice squad that Peyton Manning finds a way to work into the fold.  In years past we've seen guys like Austin Collie and Pete Garcon, and it already appears Jacob Tamme is going to serve as an unlikely, yet typical, replacement for All Pro TE Dallas Clark...

I know it's a short week for Indy, and I know Philly is coming off a bye, but I'll take my chances with Mr. Mo and the 3 1/2 points.  Close game, but the Colts will pull it out...or at the very least lose by 3.  OH!    


Here are the rest of the games that I didn't deem worthy of my time, including the renewal of a old AFL rivalry that has once again found it's way back into relevance.  Oh and I'm pickin' against th Jets again.  Can you say upset special in the Motor City?  I know I can.  And for once that won't be in reference to the outcome of a bum fight...  

Oakland Raiders (-2.5) vs Kansas City Chiefs

Atlanta Falcons (-8.5) vs Tampa Bay Buccaneers

Detroit Lions (+4.5) vs New York Jets

Arizona Cardinals (+8.5) @ Minnesota Vikings

New Orleans Saints (-6.5) @ Carolina Panthers

Miami Dolphins (+5.5) @ Baltimore Ravens

New York Giants (-6.5) @ Seattle Seahawks


Monday Night


Pittsburgh Steelers (-4.5) @ Cincinnati Bengals

Pittsburgh's ugly loss to New Orleans was one thing, but the Bengals just don't have what it takes to make this that sort of game.  Look for Carson Palmer to be hassled from the word GO!, and for James Harrison to provide the hit that knocks him from the game some time around the end of the 1st half.  IF you miss them, both the hit, and Harrison's reaction to it should be playing on ESPN all week long, so I wouldn't sweat it...



Last Week: 9-5-0 (Top Picks: 5-2-0)

Overall: 54-53-3 (.505)

Top Picks: 29-30-2 (.492)

Lock of the Week: 7-5-0

Finally getting back to the norm with on the NFL side, and now it's on to college where the season has been as predictable as ever.  At least from my point of view.  Every week I give you saucy chicks and tasty picks.  So why would this week be any different?  That's right, it's not...


Interesting note: It's near impossible to do a Google Image search using the words "college" and cheerleader" without getting like 10 pictures of Jenn Sterger...who wasn't even a cheerleader, mind you.  Not that I mind seeing her then surgically enhanced milk holders in a tastefully team themed brassiere, I just thought it was kind of funny...

Then again, maybe if Boise St. had an adequate number of photos of their cheerleaders in provocative poses this wouldn't be a problem.  Instead, I'm forced to go with these naughty girls in Boise St. uniforms, and cross my fingers that they are 18.  It's a close call, right?  Then again, it might not matter.  I think Idaho might be one of them "West Virginia-lie" states where anything older than 12 is fair game.  I'd have to double check that to be sure, but for now I think I'm just gonna let it slide.  And WOW I hope that girl in the middle is 18.  I don't wanna go to jail.  And you just know her line is "Wanna see my trick play?".  Dear God...

NCAA Top 25 Picks
(2) Boise St. (-21) vs Hawaii

(6) Utah (+4.5) vs (4) TCU

(5) Alabama (-6) @ (12) LSU

(10) Stanford (-9) vs (13) Arizona

(11) Oklahoma (-3.5) @ Texas A&M

Texas Tech (+4) vs (14) Missouri

Indiana (+17.5) vs (16) Iowa

(18) South Carolina (-4) vs (17) Arkansas

(22) Baylor (+7.5) @ (19) Oklahoma St.

Clemson (+4.5) vs (23) NC State

North Carolina (+11.5) @ (24) Florida St.


Last Week: 9-5-1

Overall: 59-40-3 (.593)



So there you have it, friends.  Some viewpoints, some picks, and some underage boo-tay.  All in all, not too bad for a day's work...

I wish you all the best of luck, such that you're good luck doesn't interfere with mine, and I hope you all have a great weekend...

Be good...


Teddy Williams...
100...

#$>

35 comments:

Anonymous said...

More interesting news on Charlie Villanueva, what does the public think about the fact that his little sister Sasha Villanueva has been living in a homeless shelter in manhatten since december and her rich and famous brother has not lifted a finger to try n help her,
,I think that is so cruel, how can he talk about wanting to help the poor children of the Dominican republic when he wont even help his own sister. I dont know but IM CONFUSED.... What is the publics opinion on this?

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