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Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Picking Up the Pieces...of a Diamond Encrusted Bra...


If I said I were surprised that I went 8-8 in my first week of picking NFL winners for WPRO's Matt Allen, I'd be lying to ya.  In all honesty, I fully expected to go 6-10 or 5-11...

That's just how I run, and fortunately, for my sanity, I've gotten quite used to it.  Like when 20 game winner, CC Sabathia, who was 9-0 at home this season, not once, but twice loaded the bases and allowed in a run before recording an out during the two weeks of my fantasy baseball playoffs.  Oh, and both outings were against the Baltimore Orioles, the team that's scored the 2nd fewest runs in Major League Baseball this season...

But I'm not here to bemoan my luck.  Matter of fact, if my luck holds true to form, not only will I bounce back nicely this week, but I should be headed for a fruitful campaign all the way around.  That's as long as I keep one very important thought at the forefront of my mind:

When it comes to picking games, it's all about your memory. In terms of trends, it should be long.  It terms of performance, it should be short.  And in both instances, it should be more detailed than a diamond encrusted brassiere.


This is mostly to say, that while a team's play from week to week is definitely something to keep an eye on, factors such as game location and match up history often end up being stronger indicators of a game's most likely outcome.  It's also to say that if you have a particular opinion of a team, you shouldn't drastically alter if from week to week, lest you just end up chasing your tail.  You know, like how every New England fan, spear headed by yours truly, conveniently forgot that their team remains inept in the 2nd half and picked them to handily crank the Jets in the face (oops)...

But you know what, it's OK if you let that type of thinking affect you when you're contemplating you're own team, but if you constantly get caught up in results and are always tinkering with your method, you're just gonna end up getting burned.  Sure, I went 8-8 last week, but two of those losses were by 2 points, and by teams that virtually nobody else in any given pool would have had winning.  So not only would I have been 10-6, but I would have made up at least 1 game on most of the people in front of me.  Now I know it doesn't matter how close the game was when it comes to picking winners, and that they were right and I was wrong, but do I really wanna drastically change my thought process because it put me on the wrong side of a couple 2 point games?  Games that were great risk/reward opportunities? Hell no.  The best you can do is have a sound strategy, enact it, and hope for the best.  I did that last week, and it didn't really work out.  But I'll be damned if that's gonna keep me from trying it again this week...

As I said last week when I quoted Matty in hope of drawing on what we now all KNOW was some much needed karma, "I said it.  I meant it.  And here I stand to represent it".  Accountability, baby.  It may not be as sexy as a diamond encrusted bra, but at least it won't gouge deep wounds into your significant other during intercourse...or something like that...

And I'm not sure what brought that diamond bra to mind, either.  What can I say?  I love me some vintage Heidi Klum.  Seal...I still haven't figured out yet.  But then again, I don't even think Vegas has a handle on that one yet...


Now for the rest of this week's post, I'm going to be doing things a little differently.  Instead of breaking things down and handing out grades, I'm just gonna hit you with a few short takes, a whole bunch of links, and quite the little collection of TV and movie reviews.  Hey, it's my blog, and this is what's on my mind.  And seeing as I'm not all that incline to talk about the Patriots, Red Sox, or the possum the decided to throw itself under the front of my car, this is what you get.  And you're gonna love it anyway, so I don't even know why I'm bothering to preface it.  Now get your read on, and enjoy...



Pats/Jets

I don't often defer to other people doing essentially the same thing I'm trying to do, but in lieu of giving you my take on the Patriots/Jets game on Sunday afternoon, I'm just gonna go ahead and let Tedy Bruschi & Mike Reiss do the talking for me.  Freakin' Reiss even picked the Jets to cover AND win, that crafty bastard.  I'll also let my buddy, Scott Cordischi, chime in.  He's got a take on "stoic Brady" that I think will resonate with a lot of frustrated Patriots' fans...

And for those Jet fans out there that might be looking for my Mark Sanchez mea culpa after his solid outing, you can keep lookin', but you ain't gonna find one.  You will find me laughing at how Darrelle Revis got burned and then had to leave the game, and how Braylon Edwards, despite his pimp beard, still continues to be one of the league's biggest Teds.  But I still say Mark Sancehz is at best a decent QB, and when the Jets miss the playoffs, his play is going to be pointed to as the main reason why...



Ohio Mascot Pulls Off Master Plan

For all the paranoid peeps out there that claim it's possible Muslim extremists put Barrack Obama in the White House, you're really not gonna be pumped for this story.  Basically, it's a kid who became the mascot at Ohio University, strictly so he could one day tackle the Ohio St. mascot, Brutus the Buckeye.  Talk about being dedicated to your cause.  It's like Squints from The Sandlot.  "Been plannin' it for years!"  Shady cause, but you have to admire his dedication.  At least I think you do...Yeah, you do...Mmmmmm. Wendy Peffercorn...

Suzyn + The Spear



I hate to admit it, but I do like to give credit where credit is due.  And she has been saying it for pretty much as long as I can remember.  Yankees color commentator, and the butt of many deserved jokes, Suzyn Waldman, has been saying for years that the new breed of bats, and their tendency to splinter, are one day going to get either a player or a fan killed.  Literally.  And she's right!  Whose to say that bat chunk that went through Tyler Colvin's jersey couldn't have just as easily hit him in the neck?  And what if that were JD Drew, and it were his neck the bat went through!  I don't know what I'd do with myself.  I'd be in hysterics!

But seriously.  If this doesn't open people's eyes to the fact that eventually something is going to have to be done regarding the safety of these bats, then I fear Suzyn's prediction is bound to come true.  And no, not the one that involves her, Roger Clemens, and George Steinbrenner's box.  He's dead, for crying out loud.  Get your head out of the gutter...

On a side note, the games the Rays and Yanks have been playing coming down the stretch have been pretty freakin' epic.  I know a lot of Sox fans don't wanna hear it, but it's been outstanding baseball to watch and a great representation of what pennant races are all about.  And while I kind of made light of The Boss's passing a few lines back, if you missed the ceremony honoring him last night at Yankee Stadium, you missed arguably one of the greatest moments of the 2010 season.  I grew up hating Steinbrenner, but the older I got, the more I came to respect him.  For better and worse, he was the best owner professional sports has ever seen.  Period.  And the ceremony to honor him did all it could to live up to his larger than life legend.  As a fan of a team, there's nothing I want more than to see my team's owner doing everything they can to win.  And misguided as he sometimes was, George's heart was seemingly always in the right place.  That's really all you can ask for.  He was selfish, because that's what his constituency demanded.  And that made the times they won together, all the more sweet...

RIP George.  The sports world is a better than when you found it, but will never be the same now that you've left it...


OK, now it's time to get my movie and TV review on.  I was inspired this weekend by a fireside chat with some friends to get some reviews out there, as dated as they may be, and while the story of how the cops arrived and said they heard reports that our 10 person get together was really a house party with a live band might make for a more interesting story, I'm afraid you're just going to have to settle for these...

Boardwalk Empire

I've come to realize you need to temper your expectations when it comes to premiers of shows such as Boardwalk Empire.  Which is to say, one with so many intricacies and complex characters.  You need at least 3 episodes to set the scene and get the feel for the show before you can really determine if it's any good.  Well, so far so good.  Aside from my beef with the uncharacteristically bad opening credits (at least by HBO standards), I really enjoyed pretty much everything Boardwalk Empire had to offer.  The table is set, with a great backdrop and a lot of historically interesting characters, and now we just wait to see what's for dinner.  I'd be shocked if this show came to regularly disappoint, but it's all going to be about how close we get to these characters, and then how affected we are by the choices they ultimately make.  And judging by the pilot, I don't really foresee that being too much of any issue...

Oh and on a side note.  Stephen Graham is fast becoming one of my favorite actors, and could very well be the best character actor this gangster genre has to offer.  Almost like the Mike Madsen of his own time, if you will.  Even though they are essentially contemporaries.  I just really like him, and his latest turn as a young Al Capone is yet another in a string of impressive performances...

Mad Men

I heard two different people say this very thing this week: "People say they like Mad Men just because they want to sound like they're smart".

And I got $20 that says neither of those people have finished a book cover to cover since they turned 21.  No need to hate.  If you don't like it, you don't like it.  That's cool.  It just tells me that when you sit down to watch TV, you're looking for mindless entertainment.  And that's fine.  That's why they created Dancing With Jersey White Trash and a Bunch of Ex Athletes.  So go watch that, and knock yourself out.  just keep my show's name out of your mouth.  Remember, I'm the Don Draper of this bitch.  And unless you want me to put a cig out on your hand after I finish my rum French toast, then you better stay in line...

It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

Harping back to what I talked about at the top of the post, this show is really hit or miss from week to week. And this week, the season opening episode was a big time MISS.  Not sure if it was that the characters seemed to serious or that the plot line was just a dud, but whatever it was, I wasn't diggin' it.  But again, just like with an NFL team, I'm not gonna write this show off after one bad week.  Like I said, it's usually hit or miss for me, anyway.  So I'd expect that sooner rather than later they're gonna hit me with another "WILD CARD!" that's gonna have me rolling in the aisle...

Now on to a few movies.  I suffered through them, so I feel they owe this to me...  


Year One

The one thought I had while watching this movie was "Really, Harold Ramis?  Didn't you write CaddyShack!?!"

Year One: It's so bad, you need to watch the first 10 minutes just to make sure you still know what a bad movie looks like.  Then you need to turn it off immediately...

The Wrestler

Don't get me wrong, I was as pumped to see Marisa Tomei constantly naked as the next guy, but other than that I thought this movie was a total dud.  Maybe it's because I've never been into wrestling, or that I don't think the mere fact that Mickey Rourke isn't dead is all that impressive, but for whatever reason I just didn't see what all the hype was about.  I liken it to my long time take on Napolean Dynamite.  Which I might add NOBODY ever talks about anymore, despite how legendarily hilarious everyone claimed it was.  It's not shocking for me to find out that's the life a wrestler lives, just like I wasn't shocked to find out that's what social rejects were doing when I wasn't around.  Maybe that's because I had good parents who raised me to see these things, I don't know, but revealing to me that wrestlers lead sorted lives filled with drugs, booze, hookers and broken homes just isn't gonna do it for me...


The Invention of Lying

As far as romantic comedies go, this one even had yours truly wishing I had a girlfriend to watch it with.  It was that good.  Again...as far as romantic comedies go.  All you need to take away from this movie is that Ricky Gervais is funny, and you need to see more of his work.  And trust me, after watching this, that's exactly what you're going to want to do...


(500) Days of Summer

I used this movie to test my man love for Joseph Gordon Levitt.  A result that was ultimately killed anyway when I saw the above photo.  But I digress.  The result of my man love test?  FAIL.  I mean, it was better than Year One...and maybe Spice World...but that's probably about it.  Nah, that's harsh.  But seriously, don't watch it unless it's on the night you plan on ending your own life.  And even then, I'd at least watch like the Godfather or somethin'.  Something long and good with a lot of dark scenes.  That should set the mood...


So there you have it, my good friends.  Another Nation in the books.  As usual, I hope you found my insight helpful, and I hope you make sure to check back on Friday for whats now promised to be one of, if not MY BEST week of picking games in the history of Rooch Nation.  Unless of course it's not, in which case I'm sure I'll have enough mildly funny reasons as to how it all went wrong, and I'll be able to pass that on to you, my loyal subjects...

But until then, just be weary of any girl that brings stones into your bed, and keep an eye on your blindside for an oncoming mascots...or for Braylon Edwards, "The Bearded Booze Bandit".  Either way, keep an eye out, or shit could get ugly.  And not "Seal's face" ugly, either .  But I guess you already knew that...

Have a good week, kids!

Teddy Williams...
100...


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