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Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Thoughts From a Man Drinkin' Long Beach Iced Tea...



Well, it happened again. And no, I'm not talking about more racism from the wait staff at Vito's Crab Shack in Long Beach, NY. I stress that it was Long Beach and not Long Island, though. Josh Astin, a dear friend of mine (and a member of my hilariously named fan club that I will get to later), made sure to remind me of this when I visited him at his beach front apartment. And he's right. In Long Island, they drink Long Island Iced Tea. In Long Beach, they drink strictly vodka and Gatorade. So there ya go. Ya know, for the record...

What "happened again" does have to do with the fact that I was out there, however. Or more directly, it's what happens every time I venture outside my cozy little nook between Boston and Providence...

I don't necessarily gain perspective due to all the "different" people I run into. Definitely nothing that deep. Sorry, but from the fanciest and richest of aristocrats to the dirtiest and most overcoat laden of street sleepers, people don't really surprise me anymore. Even in New York City. Not that I don't take time to appreciate the different types of people we see in our lives on daily basis, it's just I've come to expect everything and anything from people, so it takes a little more to throw me for a loop...

So it's not my conscience that's changed from my latest weekend excursion, but indeed it's more just my mindset. I think it's mostly due to the hectic nature of your average 3 day weekend. Sure, you take a 3 day weekend to "relax", but more often than not you spend that relaxation time trying to do as many things as you possibly can. And this weekend was no different...

So that's where I'm at. Trying to do a million things at once, and maximize my time. And I figure if that's how my life is right now, that should be reflected in this week's post. I mean it is my blog, right? So why the Hell wouldn't it be like that? Plus, it makes for slightly easier reading for your average ADD stricken Intrawebber, and that should do well to help boost my site's traffic. So we have that goin' for us, which is nice...

And seeing as I just worked a line from Caddyshack into the last line of my introduction, what better place to start than with this past weekend's PGA Championship. Get your read on, and enjoy...

Whistlin' by the Wanamaker...

OK, I'll admit that the ruling that kept Dustin Johnson out of a 3 way playoff @ this week's PGA Championship at Whistling Straits made for a pretty strange turn of events, but I think most people are missing the real story. What if Johnson had made that 5 foot putt for the "win" on 18? I know it didn't happen, but isn't just the fact that it almost did happen more of a story than the actual events that unfolded? Think about it. Instead of a guy missing out on a playoff because of a 2 stroke penalty after the conclusion of his round, Johnson would have gone from winning his 1st major with a clutch putt on the 18th green, to completely missing out on a playoff all together. Now that's a story right there. And while I guess we'll never know, it also would have made for a much more interesting situation for which the PGA to make a ruling. Would they have assessed the penalty if Johnson had made the putt, effectively ripping the Wanamaker trophy from his hands? Who knows...

I feel bad for Johnson, having fallen victim to such a trivial situation, but I agree with the ruling and how it was handled by all parties involved. Especially seeing as it allowed Martin Kaymer, a starter on my Fantasy Golf team, to come away with his first major title and some much needed bonus points. What I think people are missing, is that while Johnson's mistake made for an interesting story, the chance for the real story went out the window when he missed that putt. A sadistic point of view, perhaps, but for a guy that's constantly searching for the most interesting stories, I see less of a controversy and more of a missed opportunity...


It's a Hard Knocks Life...

If you're not watching "Hard Knocks" on HBO, then allow me to formerly inform you that you are missing out. And while the show, now in it's 6th season, is a ratings monster for the folks at Home Box Office, it appears nobody gave the J-E-T-S the heads up that people would actually be watching...

First off, you have Rex Ryan cursing like a drunken sailor @ a Turret's convention. I mean, did he really think that wasn't going to illicit a reaction from people with the # of F-bombs he was dropping? Granted I didn't think his dad, Buddy, a man known infamously to my generation for choking out a fellow coach on the sideline, would take offense, but I'm just gonna go ahead and assume he's gotten soft and/or forgetful in his old age. Or just senile. That crazy bastard...

Then there's the first pass they ran in their first pre season game last night against the Giants. There I was, sitting there watching the Jets on their first offensive possession, and I see LaDanian Tomlinson enter the game. I think, I wonder if they're gonna do like they did on Hard Knocks, and the 1st time LT steps on the field send him in motion and throw him a pass. I mean, they all nutted all over themselves when they did it at practice and it went for a TD. Well, not only was I right, but apparently the Giants and their staff had been seeing the same stuff I had. LT goes in motion, Sanchez throws to him despite him being double covered, and BAM!, the Giants Antrelle Rolle picks if off and nearly takes it all the way back to the house...

So yeah, somebody might wanna go ahead and tell the Jets that when that red light is on, it means people can see what they're doing and hear what they're saying. IT doesn't just mean it's time to act like a complete ham. But keep that up, too, please. The bulletin board material you're providing can only be doing good things to the psyche of the teams that are gonna be trying to knock them out. And Lord knows it's got their fans thinkin' Super Bowl. Heard a lot of "So you think we need to work about the Patriots this year?" when I was in the city. Pretty heady stuff for a team that backed into the playoffs last year and is still without their #1 player. One look at Hard Knocks, and you'll see where they get it from...

Unabashed passion and optimism. They work when you win, but when you lose, they can get you in a assload of trouble. And if anyone knows about assloads, it's Rex Ryan...


He's Bettah Than Welkahhh!..

While a lot of the buzz surrounding the Patriots these days has to do with the contract situations of both Tom Brady and Logan Mankins, there's also a new fan favorite rapidly emerging from the Foxboro locker room. His name, is Julian Edelman, and despite the fact that he has no defined role in the offense, the combination of his lightning quick speed and undeniable versatility have fans in New England all aflutter with hope...

The question is, what should they be hoping for? IS Edelman going to be the Patriots long awaited answer to the WildCat? Is he, the WildPat, or better yet, the historically insensitive, "Kent State Riot"? Or is he just another receiver in the Wes Wlker mold, someone who's a 1st down machine and the master of the screen and slip passes?

Well, my friends, I hate to disappoint, but what I see in Julian's future is less towards the WildPAt, and more towards the role of a 3rd down running back...just not strictly on 3rd downs. Let me put it this way. The WildPat doesn't work for me, nor do I think it works for the coaching staff, mostly due to the fact that it would too often take the ball, and the decision making ability away from Tom Brady. Just not a great strategy, no matter how white and fast the alternative may be...

No, what I see the Pats doing is using Edelman in normal slot receiver packages, as well as sliding him into the backfield to either serve as a runner on a sweep himself, or to be a unique pass catching option. He should still be given the opportunity to make plenty of eye opening plays, bringing joy to all the PinkHats that sprained themselves jumping off the Jacoby Ellsbury bandwagon, I just wouldn't expect to see him passing the rock. Maybe when you play with the Pats on the latest version of Madden that's what you'll do, it's not a strategy I see the real version of the team employing on even a semi regular basis...

I know Patriot fans are anxious having not won a Super Bowl in 5 years, but taking the ball out of Tom Brady's hands isn't the answer...


Sign of the Times...

Sticking with versatile white guys in the NFL, Denver rookie QB, Tim Tebow, is predictably making waves before he's even seen the field for a regular season game. And this time, it's not even because of his religious views...thank God!

This time, the former Florida star QB has become entangled in a battle over whether or not it's acceptable for media members to ask for autographs from players. An age old "no no", but something that seems to have gone out the window with the ever widening definition of the term "media member"...

Yahoo! Sports had an interesting take on the topic, which you can read here, but my take on the topic is a little more simplistic, and a whole lot less "life and death" as the folks at Yahoo! seem to think it is. To me, asking a player for an autograph is fine, as long as all parties involved are well aware that this is a business through and through. Just because you sign something for me, doesn't mean our relationship should change. And if I think you can't handle that fact, or you think I can't, then maybe the transaction shouldn't go down. Other than that, it should be fine. More than anything, I'm going to want that autograph to either keep in my collection, give to someone as a gift, or quickly sell to the highest bidder. It's not like I'm going to tuck in under my pillow and hope the player's talent seeps into my brain during sleep through osmosis. So I just don't see the big deal...

Now granted, the locker room might not be the best place for that type of interaction to take place, as it did in this particular example, but drawing attention to how bad and unprofessional the simple act of getting an autograph can be to me sends an even more disturbing message of the industry as a whole. Essentially, the practice of abstaining from autographs comes from the thought process that "we can't trust people to simultaneously carry on personal and professional relationships". To me, that's just a sad commentary, and true or not, it's not one that I'm going to willingly partake it. I say autographs for everybody that wants one. Maybe not in the locker room, but to hold such a hard line on such an irrelevant subject exposes just how foolish people can tend to be...

Get over yourselves, people. After all, it's just an autograph from a 3rd string Bible thumper with the worst haircut known to man. Nothin' to get all worked up about...


Rays of Hope?...

Speaking of not getting worked up, I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at what's going on these days with the Tamp Bay Rays. Or more importantly, their fans/lack there of...

Arguably the 2 best lefties the AL has to offer, Cliff Lee and David Price, squared off last night in Tampa Bay in a battle of what appears to be two teams destined for the playoffs...and only 18,000 fans showed up to see it go down. Man, oh man. 18,000 peeps? That's just embarassing. And as a fan of a team that seems destined to miss the playoffs, and just a general fan of everything they have goin on in Tampa these days, I really can't decide whether to laugh or cry. It's pathetic, for sure, but I'm not really sure who to be mad at. Major League Baseball, for putting a team in Tampa when even they knew it probably wouldn't work? The citizens of Tampa, for not getting on board? Theo Epstein, for not making the Red Sox better and actually making this an issue for me to deal with? Eh, screw it. I blame 'em all!

Here's what you do. You take the Rays franchise, move them to Pittsburgh andput the Pirates in the AL East. Then, you send the team that's in Pittsburgh to Las Vegas, and the AL West. That will put a legit franchise in a legit baseball town (Tampa to Pittsburgh) where they can be properly appreciated, and it will move the world's crappiest team (Pittsburgh to Las Vegas) to a place where their hilarious missteps can become fodder for all the gamblers on the strip. Win, freakin win, if you ask me. The Rays get a legit following, the Pirates get as far away from the East Coast as humanly possible, and Major League Baseball gets 6 divisions with 5 teams each, as opposed to this nonsense they're selling us now...

Far fetched? Yes. Possible? Eh, no. Probably not. But this is the type of thinking I'm forced in to when a team with 72 wins plays a team with 67 wins and they only draw 18,000 fans. It's just not fair, man. I'm here in Massachusetts, lucky to get a ticket for $125 at the last minute to a game featuring a team that's all but a playoff afterthought, and there they are im Tampa, deciding NOT to go to games but to instead wander around strip malls in the crippling late Summer heat. It's a freakin' shame, is what it is. And the more legitimate that franchise gets, the more obvious and painful their fans' dsinterest is going to become for those of us here in the NorthEast...


So there you have it, friends. Straight from my mind, as muddled and frantic as it may be, and straight to your eyes. I hope you enjoyed this week's post, and I look forward to pumping you full of Rooch Nation goodness around this same time next week. Oh, and I almost forgot! For those of you out there that have been diligent in spreading the word about Rooch Nation, and believe me, your efforts have not gone unnoticed, I've been given a nickname for you from a fan that prefers to remain anonymous. From hence forth, supports and promoters of Rooch Nation will be known as "PORN Stars". "PORN" in this case, being an acronym standing for Promoter Of Rooch Nation. Hahaha. Hey, I love it! It's always been a dream of mine to be flanked by porn stars, and with this latest development, I feel I'm about as close as I'm ever going to get to that reality without starting my own sex toy company and moving to the California valley. So, needless to say, I'll take it...

So get out there, PORN Stars, and while you're out enjoying the fleeting moments of your Summer, don't forget to spread the word about yours truly. Or if you're really inspired, come up with an idea for a Rooch Nation PORN Star t-shirt design. Now that would really get you in my good gracious...

Have a great week, pimps. And I'll catch you on the flipman...


Teddy Williams...
Rollo_Soze...
100...

#$>

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