Tuesday, May 04, 2010

Potent Quotables: Say Whaaaaaaat?!?

Greetings and salutations, my good friends, and welcome to a special edition of Rooch Nation that I've chosen to title, Potent Quotables. I didn't plan on doing things this way, but as quote after memorable quote hit me over the last few days, I decided I'd be best served to use that inspiration rather than ignore it. Because after all, if you don't use it, you will lose it...

And besides. It's a funny hat...

Now let's GO!

Mike Adams* was filling in in on WEEI's Dennis & Callahan Show this Monday when he let this gem rip...

"Playing a lot of card games is a lot like having sex. IF you don't have a good partner, then you better have a good hand!"

Ahhh, Mikey's always good for a chuckle or two. And the guy collects one liners and crappy joke like Larry King collects wives and suspenders, so who better to kick things off with, right?

*Mike Adams of WEEI is not to be confused with the Mike Adams who went to Syracuse University with me. That Mike Adams, as you might remember, has become famous in Rooch Nation for the following:

1) He entered two teams in my 2009 fantasy baseball league, claiming one was him, and one was his twin brother. A fairly identical twin brother, who, by the way, was given the moniker "Old Homer". You can figure that origin out for yourself...

2) He stopped responding to messages requesting league payment, and became unreachable for more than two months. Oddly enough, this was the same time both of his teams were being eliminated from contention...

3) I contact Mike's self described "best friend", asking him for help, and he tells me he doubts Mike will ever pay me, but that he will try asking him anyway. That's his best friend, telling me straight up that Mike has a rather extensive history of stuff like this, and that I shouldn't be holding my breathe. I thank him for his help, and go about my business...

4) Mike finally gets the Internet back ("hahaha"), after losing it for nearly 3 months, only to ambush me on AIM, call me every malicious name in the book (actually he kept telling me I "wasn't a man"...on AIM), and tell me that while he had fully intended on paying, he wasn't going to now because of my shady tactics...and because I'm not a man!

Hahaha ohh man. Mike Gundy would have been proud...

Now I know Mike doesn't believe me, but I was laughing the entire time I was talking to him online. Half at the absurdity of his claims, and half imagining how worked up he was getting on the other end of the line. And to paraphrase a line from Bronx Tale, "If it cost me $20 to get rid of that kid, then it was well worth it." I mean, what a joke. But hey, I should just count myself lucky I'm not delusional like that, huh? Must be a tough life...

And why did I bring this up again, you ask, nearly a year after it happened? Well the name Mike Adams, mostly, but I figure I'm doing funny quotes this week, and I haven't heard anything as funny as that in quite some time. That, and I know Mike Adams probably reads this on a semi regular basis, and if I even have a 1% chance of pissing him off and sending him on a tailspin, then I'm gonna go ahead and take it...

Then again, he is the "would drive from New York to Attleboro to kill me in my sleep" kind of crazy, so I might wanna watch what I say. Eh, nahhhh, what was I thinkin.? He doesn't even have the Internet, so how's he gonna get directions?!? HA!


Here we have D&C host, Gerry Callahan, talking about the potential Vicodin scandal involving Sean Payton and the New Orleans Saints:

"He won the Super Bowl! As long as he doesn't get caught with a live boy, or a dead girl, they can't touch him!"

Can't believe I'd never heard that one before, but you best believe I'm gonna be using it on a regular basis from here on out. Bravo, Gerry. Bravo...

Here, we have Red Sox color man, Jerry Remy, attempting to do a plug for Masters Series Tennis, but finding himself giving a pseudo plug to my favorite fictional band...

"Coming up later this week on NESN, we have Masters Series Tennis with John McEnroe VS Mark Philippoussis. I don't think I've ever heard of Mark Phili...Phili-Pubis before, Don, have you?"

Ahhh, Rem Dog. Here I thought it was impossible for me to like you any more, and then you drop a Mark Phili-Pubis bomb on me. Oh, and if you're looking for the home of my favorite fictitious band, Hubert Pubis & The Dudes, then you need not look any further....that was the signal for you to click on that hyperlink...

And for those who don't remember Mark Philippoussis, he was a big hitting Aussie who was probably more famous for looking like a Vampire in Virtua Tennis, and apparently for playing in jeans, than he was for anything he actually did on the court. MAn, he could serve though. Probably because of all that blood he was drinkin'...

Here, we have our first, and basically only, serious quote of the bunch. This one coming on Monday from Red Sox GM, Theo Epstein....

"Things haven't really changed. We talked about this last week. We're still playing bad baseball. Unintelligent, undisciplined, uninspired baseball. It's got to change.It either changes itself or we have to do something to change it."

Half of this is sort of "duhhh", but half of this is rather refreshing. Especially in light of what I've been writing about Theo over the past few weeks. And hey, result aside, the Sox actually did seem to be playing with some fire and inspiration on Monday night. Coincidence? Sure, I guess that's possible, but I'm more apt to believe Mr. Epstein just delivered this group with the needed motivation to at least get themselves out of their current rut. Most importantly, with his statement Theo has made it blatantly clear that he "gets it". I talked about "seeing the forest through the trees", and although it may be too late to erase what he did in the off season, at least he's showing he's not too stubborn or too egotistical to admit when something is wrong, or when changes need to be made...

Now, we just sit back and see if A) His motivational comments really worked and B) If his bark is ultimately worse than his bite. Either way, it's good to see some emotion coming from that man in the wake of his team's awful start. Shows he's human, which results be damned, is usually a good thing...

Here are a few exerpts that were brought to my attention over the weekend from an interview done by Tiger Woods in 2006...

"Mom beat the hell out of my ass. I've still got the handprints."

"What's this?" he'd ask, rubbing the tips of his shoes together. "A black guy taking off his condom."

What? The parents of pro athletes are sometimes abusive? Tiger Woods likes making sex jokes? Nah. I refuse to believe it. This story must have been falsified by TMZ, or somethin'...


Here's Boston Celtics head coach, Glen Rivers, ripping into my mainzest mens 'n them, Rasheed Wallace...

"[Wallace] has to play better, bottom line. He has to play better defense -- the offense will come -- but he has to be a better defender. And we can't wait for him. He has to be a better defender for us."

Awesome. Just awsome...

Much like when JD Drew came to the Red Sox, and I wished for the team to succeed in spite of him (which they did), I wished quite the opposite for the Celtics when Rasheed Wallace came to town. I don't like the Celtics, I don't like their hoards of Pink Hat fans, and I don't like the NBA. I like Sheed and I wanted him to tear this team down from the inside and expose Doc as a fraud. He hasn't been completely successful...yet...but I'm not exactly about to complain about the results...

OH, and just for the Pink Hat record, I'm no longer taking 15-1 on $20 that the Celtics will win the NBA Title now that they're 1-1 with the Cavs. You had your chance, and you Teds blew it...

And real quick, before I move on. NEVER, at any point in my life, EVER, did I say I disliked the NHL Playoffs. I'm not watching them, mind you, but my primary beefs have always been with over expansion, ice size, goal size and season length. Not with the Playoffs. It's as exciting and intense a post season that professional sports has to offer, and I watched them for years. It's just now, I don't really have the desire. I was, however, the only guy I knew telling everyone about a month and a half ago that I was virtually certain the Bruins were going to make at least the Eastern Conference Finals. So I got that goin' for me, which is nice...

And as long as we're on that, as much as I appreciate everyone that reads Rooch Nation and tells me as much, nothings worse than someone telling me they read my post, only to have them ask me a question that I answered in multiple paragraphs in the very post they claimed to have read and enjoyed. Believe me, I'm not gonna quiz you on what I wrote, so don't worry, but when you do that it's almost to me like you're lying to my face. Again, I know this may be a fine line, and I in no way want to discourage people from reading and openly discussing the topics of which I write about, but I'd honestly you rather tell me you hated it, and have shit to back up your stance, than to pull some bull ish like that...

I'm trying to reach people here, people! Website traffic is good, but sparking an intelligent yet hysterical conversation is more what I'm lookin' for...

Next, we have Brian Griffin errrrrr I mean Seth MacFarlane, commenting on the current illegal immigration issues going on in Arizona...

"It's too much. It's kind of a slap in the face, it's not the way to handle it...Nobody but the Nazis ever asked anybody for their papers. Walking down the street, a cop can come up to you and say 'May I see your papers?' -- I think they should be required to ask that question in German if the law sticks around."

Right, Seth. When in liberal doubt, always feel free to throw a Nazi blast out there and everything should be OK. Come on, buddy. I'm all for using your significant influence to get your viewpoints out there, but you should be more focused with that fact that this Sunday's Family Guy was FAR AND AWAY the worst episode the series has ever produced.

No cutaways? No flashbacks? Brian eating Stewie's shit and contemplating suicide? Talk about straying from the winning formula. Family Guy without flashbacks and cutaways is like Serena Williams without a certain hot dog shaped reproductive organ. It just doesn't work. What's clear to me, is that MacFarlane is getting bored with Family Guy, meaning either the series is coming to an end much sooner than later, or that MacFarlane has decided to take the show in a new sort of artsy direction. Something that those of us that have been watching from the beginning can tell you he's been essentially itching to do since day 1. You know all those musical numbers that they parody that you've never heard of before? Yeah, get ready for lots more of those, and a lot fewer "Gigggity's"...

Hey, I hope I'm wrong, and this was just a rare dud in a series full of gems, but I've long been on the record that I think Seth has grown tired of Family Guy's "limitations", so at this point nothing would surprise me...

Rollo from The Cleveland Show, though. Now there's a little brotha with a message that I can get behind! And he's not even gay! least not yet...

Ohhhhhhh-Bama! (and that's a line of his from the show, so you can stop right there)

OK, time for one more potent quote.../two potent quotes...

Sean P. Before the Derby...

"I honestly don't see how we don't make at least some money in this race, man. And when we do win, we should take that money and put in on either the Red Sox or the Yankees once the MLB playoffs start. You know only one of them is makin' it, and you know whichever one makes it is gonna fuckin' win. That's like stealin' right there."

And after the Derby...


So, how do you think we did in the Derby? Hahaha. Oh Sean P. The man, the myth, the Don Dadda of the DJ Booth. I'd be lying, too, if I said 10% of the reason I bet on the Triple Crown isn't because I look foward to such proclamations, and ultimately, such reactions. Because I do, and I'm sure Sean's the same way with me. Yet another thing that's well worth the $20...

That was quite the betting strategy he came up with though, right? I'm sure he'd like to give some of the credit to "Mr. Sangria in Central Park", but I'm givin' full credit to Mr. Sean P., and callin' it day...

Hope you enjoyed this week's Potent Quotables, boys and gals, and for those in the NorthEast, I hope this little detour was enough to distract you from the fact that you're stuck inside at work, while it's an absolutely gorgeous day outside. Which is where I'm gonna head right now, actually. So if you see me outside, feel free to flag me down and say hello! And if you see me in the streets? Well, then holla at a playa...

Have a good one...

Teddy Williams...



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