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Tuesday, March 09, 2010

Bobby Fischer Wobbles, But He Won't Fall Down...

Sa Da Tay, my damies, and welcome to the final Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25 of the 2009-2010 college basketball season. With one caveat. There actually isn't any poll...

Yup, it's like a strip club in a town full of Weebles. Plenty of kinky, fun-lovin' action, just no pole. Ya know, because they don't have any limbs? Although for all I know they do have stripper poles at the strip clubs in Weebleville, and the egg shaped strippers just sort of dry hump against them while patrons throw spare change, Legos, and possibly Lincoln Logs at them. What was it that Frank said during last season of It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia when asked if he had sex with "Gail the snail"?

"We just drank a lot of energy drinks and dry humped." Yeah, I'm sure in Weebleville it's a lot like that. OR maybe it was like when "the snail" was giving Frank a handjob under the table, which caused the fearless and brutally self secure leader of the Reynolds clan to almost sadly point out, that "now you're just mashing it"...

But breaking away from the Weeble flesh trade for a moment, I actually had quite the decision to make this week. I was debating coming out with one final look at the Top 25 teams in America before the NCAA Tournament gets started next week, but the more I thought about it, the less sense it began to make. Not only would be unnecessarily redundant with Selection Sunday a mere 5 days away, but to come out with a poll before Championship Week, where everyone 'n their brother is going to play 2 or more pivotal games, would truly be an exercise in futility. Not to mention I don't want to tip my hand any more than I already have when it comes to filling out my own, personal bracket...

Then again, in my experience people tend to read and absorb more than take direct suggestions when it comes to this thing, so it probably wouldn't be that bad after all. Unless, of course, you're the person who recently told me in one breathe that you religiously read Rooch Nation, only then to roll your eyes in doubt when you're "Who the Hell has even heard of New Mexico?" query was answered with a "They've been in my Top 25 since before the Super Bowl, and in my Top 10 since before the Olympics". Hey, whatever. I didn't ask questions when that same person, a notorious sports betting and gambling loser, stopped telling me nearly every single day how had found a new betting website that only fed him winners. What happened there, I wonder? Not totally sure, myself, but I'm willing to bet it had something to do with the fact that I knew one of the kid's working for said website had been sent home from college after wagering tuition money on a University of Michigan football game. Yeah, I'm shocked that didn't work out...

But fear not, my Pootielicious friends. While I won't be hand feeding you my bracket, pick for delicious pick, I will be giving you the heads up on key games to keep an eye on, exposing fraud teams and unearthing this year's Cinderella when I bust out next Wednesday with my 2010 NCAA Tournament Preview. For those of you not familiar, it's formatted like every other tourney breakdown you've ever read, but with the knowledge and insight that only yours truly can provide. Also for those not in the know, I'm not some Teddy-come-lately when it comes to bracket success, either. Truth be told, at this point I'd have to be considered more of a "has been" than anything else. I'm the Benny "the Jet" Rodriguez of this shit, man, with the only difference being I don't plan on having the peak of my career revolve around my creepy mustache and my pinch running abilities...

In the last 8 years, I've gone from Bobby Fischer to Amy Fisher when it comes to bracket success. Having broken into the game in 1994 and tasted my first pool win the following year in '95, I went on an unprecedented run that saw me win an average of 2.5 pools a year until tourney ending in 2001. Since then? 1 win, the smallest of my career at around $80, 3 2nd place finishes, and a whole lot over zealous picks that led to just as many middle of the pack finishes...

So what's changed? Have I lost it, or is it just the law of averages poking out it's ugly head? Obviously I'd like to think it's mostly the latter, but I often wonder if it's not a little bit of the "forest through the trees" syndrome goin' on. You know, like the more I know, the harder it is for me to make as many accurate predictions? I could totally buy into that, but to see the ways in which I've lost the past few years (that epic ending to that Illinois/Arizona game in '05 cost me a potential $2K), I think I've got a good case to prove it's been an inordinate amount of bad luck more than anything else. And I'm not tryin' to say I only lose because of bad luck, I'm not foolish. It's just that all too often in recent history my logic and reasoning hasn't been rewarded at nearly the rate it was early on in my career. Ya know, like when I had #4 Arizona in the Final Four in '97, #4 Ohio St. there in '99, and #8 Wisconsin there in 2000. Yeah, those were the good times. Not like the time I picked Oklahoma to win the National Championship in 2003, although that ended up turning out pretty good for me too...

So I guess that question is, when you check back here on Wednesday for your guide to this year's tournament, which Rooch are you going to find. Bobby Fischer OR Amy Fisher? The idiot savant OR just the plain ole idiot? Well whatever decision you come to after reading my breakdowns and predictions heading into the tournament, I'm choosing to look at it this way. When it comes to my tourney mastery, I'm no longer "Benny the Jet", and I'm now, an Ultimate Weeble. These last few years I may have been wobbling, but there's no way in Hell I'm ever gonna fall down...

And you can take that to the bank, boys and girls. To quote Frank Costanza, "I'm like a Phoenix! RISING, from Arizona!", and you best believe I'm not gonna stop til I'm back on top. That rhymes, you know it rhymes, and that's a great way to wrap things up...

Now I'm off to prepare for my weekend in NYC, where I'll be giving tourney updates LIVE via Twitter, possibly even from inside Madison Square Garden. If you're not already on board, get to Twitter and hit your man up at the username @RoochNation...

Have a great week, kids, and a great weekend. Enjoy the action, enjoy the anticipation, and I'll do my best to enjoy the Big Apple. We'll all meet back here next Wednesday, and do our best to wade through the minefield together, and see if we can't all come out on top. The prodigal son, is about to return, so make sure you're there to witness it...

WITNESS!...Be good...

Teddy Williams...
WJ4P...
100...

#$>

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