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Friday, February 05, 2010

Gots To Get My Props...


Greetings, greetings, my good friends, and welcome to the 2010 edition of the Rooch Nation Super Bowl Prop Betting Spectacular!...

Well, to be fair, it's not really a "spectacular", as I'm only going to make about 5-7 picks, and to call it the "2010 edition" isn't really accurate either, seeing as the only other time I've done something like this was right before the Super Bowl in 2008. Either way, whatever you wanna call this sucker is fine by me, as long as when you're referring to it, it's in a sentence explaining how it was you won so much money this year. Because that's what I do. When it comes to betting on the Super Bowl, I win. End of story...

Here, check my track record...

2001: Took the Ravens straight up for $50

2002: Took the Pats and the points for yet another $50

2003: 3 separate $25 bets on Tampa Bay = $75 winner

2004: Teased the Patriots with the OVER/UNDER, this time netting nearly $100

2005: Another Pats tease with the OVER/UNDER, another $100 winner

2006: Steelers and the points, $75 in the bank

2007: Colts + points + Peyton MVP = about $80 winner

2008: Took the UNDER + the Giants to cover in a tease, and added a Tom Petty prop for a total of nearly $175 - would have been $225 if not for the Pat's not covering themselves...

2009: Cardinals to cover, Steelers to win: $60


See? A decade of winning, and nearly $800 to show for my efforts. Freakin' sweet. Now Granted most of those bets were rather small, some of them actually went against my "official pick", and virtually none of them contained any serious props, but winning is winning dammit! And besides, you have to brag while you still have the chance. I failed to take advantage of those rites while I was steamrolling people to the tune of 9 NCAA Tourney pool titles between 1997-2002, and I've never forgiven myself. Especially considering that since 2002, the best I've done in any tourney pool is 2nd, and that's happened just one time...:-(

But never mind that. I'm sure I'll return to my bracket-licious glory in just a month or two, and I'll be able to retroactively sneak it in with my other accomplishments and make them seem like they represented a true era of dominance. You know, like if a team wins back to back, then wins another one 3-4 years later? You always hear "3 titles in 6 years", or whatever. Yeah, right. And the Red Sox have 8 World Series Titles....

Let's live in the here and now, baby! "The past is past and the future's now!" And if you know what Christopher Walken movie I just took that quote from, then you're a far cooler person than I've probably ever given you credit for, and I won't have to go out of my way to stab you in the eye with a soldering iron...Dang!

But enough of that. You cam here to dance, so let's dance. Here they are, $100 worth of picks sure to line your wallet this weekend. Either with bad betting slips, or sweet, sweet casheesh...

Enjoy, and Good luck...


Super Bowl XLIV

First and foremost, let's start out with the meat and potatoes...

Indianapolis Colts (-5) vs New Orleans Saints ($25)

Win pays ($25)

I'm taking the Colts straight up to start things off, and you'll find that my overall betting success is going to depend on whether or not they actually pull this sucker off. And not for nothing, but if they don't win, and I lose my $100, I'd be willing to bet that the Saints make it entertaining enough that I won't even care. In a perfect world, they would win and I would have the confidence to bet on them to do so. Unfortunately, we don't live in a perfect world. This just in...

Fact is, I just think the Colts are the better team, so I'm picking them to win. Their slightly better on both offense and defense, and combined that with their experience and I think they deserve every inch of that 5 point edge, and then some. New Orleans might be a deserving opponent, but when you need Brett Favre to hand you your tickets to Miami on a tray holding a wounded duck he had killed during his latest Wrangler Jeans shoot, that's less than encouraging. It can't be that often that a team playing in Super Bowl is coming off a game in which they were outplayed in their own building...

Either the Colts score early, and are able to control the clock the rest of the way, or they win in some sort of shootout. No matter which scenario, I feel comfortable enough with Indy's advantage to take them straight up with the points. If you're trying to bet the OVER/UNDER, I'd tend to go UNDER, but if you read on that is a problem for which I have the most elegant solution...

Teases/Parlays

Here's where you can "tease", or alter, the #'s on two separate bets equally, and parlay them together. I'm choosing to take a 5-point tease on this game, teasing the Colts to an EVEN money favorite, and adjusting the OVER/UNDER to cover myself on both ends...

Indianapolis Colts (pick) vs New Orleans Saints + UNDER 62 ($20)

Indianapolis Colts (pick) vs New Orleans Saints + OVER 52 ($20)

Win pays ($56) each

Might seem dumb to take both of these, but there's a chance I can win both, and I like my chances of at least walking away with one of them, and getting at least half of my money back. These will also work with a lot of the Indy (-5) results that would net me and additional $25 thanks to my first bet...

Again, the logic here is that I strongly feel the Colts are gonna take it down, and by teasing them to an even money favorite, and taking 5 points on both sides of the OVER/UNDER, I believe I'm put myself in a good position for success. And by success, I obviously mean lootros, lootros, ghali...



Game Props

MVP

Pierre Garcon: 10/1 ($10)

Robert Mathis: 40/1 ($5)

With all the obvious choices getting less than ideal odds for the type of bankroll we're dealing with, you wanna go for guys just outside the norm that could realistically take the hardware home. I like Garcon because he's a good player, obviously, but I also like him at 10/1 because he was all that good Haiti karma goin' for him right now. And I don't mean to make little of the situation in Haiti, it's just that this wouldn't be the first time for a player to be inspired by something in their life that wasn't necessarily football...

As for Mathis, it's not outside the realm of possibility that with a dinged up Freeney, he's the Indianapolis D-lineman that takes charge. After all, he was an All Pro too. And laying $5 to win $200? Well that's a bet I'm going to take more often than not...

Garcon win pays ($100)

Mathis win pays ($200)


First Points

IND Defense/Special Teams: 15/1 ($5)

NO Defense/Special Teams: 15/1 ($5)

Win pays ($75)

Kind of like the Mathis bet, it's short money for a pretty nice return. Plus, it will make you look like a gambling genius if this hits right out of the gate. No matter what the outcome of the rest of your bets, people will remember you as a winner in 2010 if you take one of these, and hit it to start things off. Hell the bean dip won't even be cool enough to eat and you'll be dancin' around like the proverbial fool that you are...

....and who are you kidding, anyway. You know the fact that the bean dip hasn't cooled yet won't stop you from burning the top of your mouth with it the second it's removed from the microwave. Mmmmmm. It burns so good...


Gatorade Color

Red: 10/1 ($5)

And what better to satisfy that flaming mouth, than a nice cooler full of Gatorade. Odds are pretty much the same across the board, with "lemon/lime" and "water" (what the Colts used last time) the two favorites, but I like the added color of the red. And again, @ $5 to win $50, you can't really go wrong...

...and you can thank me later for not making a "flaming mouth" joke...

Win pays ($50)

"The Super Prop"

And here she is, the $5 Super Prop. It's all the water cooler favorites tied together in one big mess of a parlay. Sure you have to sweat through a lot to make this baby happen, but at a more than 30/1 payout, I hardly think it's too much to ask...

Carrie Underwood National Anthem: UNDER 1:42

Opening Coin Toss: Tails

# of times Eli Manning shown LIVE: OVER 3

# of times Archie Manning shown LIVE: OVER 4

# of Pete Townshend halftime guitar windmills: OVER 5 1/2

Peyton Manning MVP: 10/17

Win pays ($155)


So there you have it, kids. You can turn $100 into more than $600, and all while watching a bunch of commercials that hopefully contain half nude spokes models, plenty of talking animals ,and if we're lucky, the return of Little Penny. What? A man can dream, can't he? 80 to 1 says Little Penny shows up. Who wants action? Huh? HUH?!? I didn't think so...

Oh, how I long for the days when Tyra and Janet were both hot and sane, and both the NBA and Spike Lee were both putting out entertaining material. But that, as usual, is another topic for another time...

Good luck to you all, and I'll catch you next week...FOOL!

Teddy Williams...
WJ4P...
100...

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