Wild Card Weekend: Spit On This, Bitches...

Greetings again, pimps and pimpettes. The NFL Playoffs are indeed upon us, but before I get down to dishing out my sure fire locks for the weekend's first round, there are a few other issues that I'd like to address. As my friend Bryan Morry, the #1 Pimp @ The Hall @ Patriot Place, recently told me, "You need a forum, Ferruccio." And I couldn't agree more...

So let's get to it...

First and foremost, let's start with the topic that prompted both me contacting my knowledgeable friend, Bryan, as well as his insightful response. The Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. ...

Here's a list. Ricky Henderson. Ken Griffey Jr. Roberto Alomar.

I've said for years, to anyone that would listen (and thankfully, that list is growing longer with each post), that these were the best position players I've seen take the field during my lifetime. Steroids, no steroids, whatever. These 3 are the best, and in my opinion, there's quite the gap between these fellas and whoever might reside at #'s 4, 5 and 6. So needless to say, when I heard that Andre Dawson was the only player on the 2010 ballot to gain entrance to the Hall, I was a little taken aback. Not surprised, mind you, because I'm rather familiar with how fickle and (shockingly) uninformed most of these voters are, but definitely disappointed and to a certain degree, further disillusioned...

It's really a sad commentary, when you think about it, but not being surprised that such a dominant force as Alomar was left out of the Hall, first ballot or not, speaks to the lack of respect that I, and any other self respecting fan, have for the accolades that America's past time hands out. Whether it's the pointlessness of the Gold Glove (see:Palmeiro 1999) or the confusion surrounding the MVP (best player on best team, or just flat out best player?), MLB has long set the precedent that it's the whims and desires of it's voting bodies that decide who is worthy, rather than the actual performance of a given player...

And I get it, believe me. Baseball prides itself on two things. Numbers and tradition. And don't think for a second that those two thoughts aren't first and foremost on a voter's mind when they cast their ballots for these things. Well that, and who they might owe a favor to, but that's another story all together...

No, baseball's voters, oh Hell let's just come out and say it already, the Baseball Writers of America, view themselves for better, and oftentimes worse, as the gatekeepers of the game they cover and the game they allegedly love. Problem is, is that having the writers serve as gatekeepers, and giving them the power to decide who's worthy, is akin to giving the pre-tween fans of the Jonas Brothers the ability to write, compose and produce all of the groups singing material (OK that analogy sucked, but you get what I mean). Simply put, it's the inmates running the asylum. A bunch of wannabes (for the most part) that all of a sudden think they know what's right for the game, and who's deserving, without ever having done so much as shagged a single fly ball, or even emptied the clubhouse cooler. It's really rather embarrassing, and while I've felt this way for a long time, it took the snubbing of a player I hold in such high regard for me to mount any sort of reaction. That's not to say that you have to have played in order to be able to judge or enjoy the players, it's just that the Baseball Writers come more from a place of jealousy and envy than they do respect and admiration...

It's not that I'm going to stop watching, either, or that I've come to some sudden realization that's going to make me feel differently about the sport I love, it's just again an instance in which I want you, the reader, to be informed as to what a massive joke this is. And not only this, but every award Major League Baseball hands out. They're all just jokes, now. Like I mentioned above, the Gold Glove, All Star Game, and MVP have already gone the way of the beeper and Beanie Baby in terms of relevance, and with this latest omission, I'm sorry to say the Hall of Fame can't be too far behind. I mean, leaving out a guy who finished with 10+ Gold Gloves, 10+ All Star appearances and finished in the top 5 of the MVP voting 6 times? That's pretty pathetic. And I know I just ripped those awards, but considering the same guys handing those out were the same guys voting here, then not only can I use them in my argument, but it makes Robby's failed campaign even that much more hysterical. Especially when, in the aftermath(?) of steroids, the main criteria for gaining admittance is often summed up with the question "Were they dominant in the era in which they played?" One glance at Robby's numbers, and the answer to that question should have been a resounding, YES!..

And besides, numbers shmumbers. If you saw the guy play, you know what I mean. He was the epitome of a 5-tool player. And like Henderson and Griffey Jr., not only did he possess those 5 tools (hitting, hitting for power, fielding, base running, and throwing), but he was one of, if not the elite player, atop each category at his position for a substantial period of time. But hey, if you wanna check his numbers out, and see how he stacks up, be my guest. You're only going to see what you more than likely already knew...

Roberto Alomar's Career Stastistics: http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/a/alomaro01.shtml

So, was Robby left out of the Hall because he spit on an umpire? An umpire that all but admitted to using a racial slur during their legendary confrontation? Unlikely. I choose to look at it like this. The voters for these things are like professors you had in school that on the first day would say, "Nobody is going to get an A in this class." They hold people to impossible standards and elminate logic from their thought process for the sole reason of making themselves look and feel superior. That's why nobody is ever voted in unanimously. And that's a load of crap. Even more, the voting for these things is a lot like the BCS. A convoluted process created to do nothing else but stimulate conversation amongst it's fans and pundits. A system they know is imprefect, but that they choose to keep in place because of the extra publicity it brings to their game...

Well touche, baseball, becaues you got me bitchin' about it. But much like the the BCS, it's just flat out unecessary. Roberto Alomar was robbed of an acoolade he deserves, plain and simple. And all this did was to further the truth that something that should be special, like the Hall of Fame, has been turned into nothing more than a forum for geeks to flex their muscle. Again, it's a sad commentary, but that doesn't make it any less true...

Speaking of forums. Before I hop off my soapbox and get to the picks, there's just one more thing I'd like to discuss...


Get ready to be shocked, people, but I felt I should mention this now before I have to explain it to another 500 people. I did NOT like the movie, The Hangover. It's not one of the 10 funniest movies I've ever seen. It's not one of the 20 funniest movies I've ever seen. Matter of fact, I'm fairly confident it's not one of the 50 funniest movies I've ever seen. TO be completely honest, it took me 4 times sitting down to watch it to actually get through it. Once I feel asleep, and twice I simply turned it off to watch something else. And I actually think Zach Galifinakis is usually pretty damn funny!! IT's just, that not only have I already seen Zach play that role (Out Cold, anyone? ), but I've seen the "bachelor party" premise played out a million times, and I just didn't find any really exceptional about this particular reincarnation. And while I know it's the way a lot of actors make their money, I just can't stand when a talented actor like Zach is typecast and relegated to fluff, when I've seen him do such good work, such as HBO's Bored to Death. It's why I don't like almost all Vince Vaughn movies, and why at the same time, virtually nobody I know likes to hear my opinion about popular movies...

Hey, I'm a movie snob, what can I say? But I just thought I'd throw it out there, ya know, because I have a forum...







Now, it's on with the picks! And before you read the sage selections I have made, I'd like you all to channel you're inner Jim Mora, and give your best "playoffs?!?!?" yelp, to get things started...

Did you do it? Good. Now let's giggity giggity go!...GIGGITY!


Wild Card Picks


New England Patriots (-3.5) vs Baltimore Ravens

In what many are calling the Patriots most disappointing season of the last 10 years, New England still has a home playoff game, and is favored by nearly 4 points. Talk about crying poor with two Rex Ryan's under each arm, huh? But I guess every thing's relative, right? And that's why, despite the team's success, there are still plenty of good seats available (as of Thursday night) for the Sunday afternoon tilt...

Naturally the Pink Hats will be back in full force should the Pats find a way to make it to round 2, but right now they just don't think this team doesn't have what it takes to bring home a 4th ring, so they figure what's the point? Talk about snobby and feeding in to the "please sit down when you're cheering and pass my kid a juice box or I'll call security" label that many like me have placed on the average Pats fan. But again, that's another column for another time...

In this game, I'm taking the Pats not only because I love them, but because this game falls into two of the betting trends that I like to follow. 1) When two teams are more or less even, take the home team AND 2) When weather might be a factor, take the team with the better passing game. Well, the Pats are home, and they have the better passing game. So there ya go...

From an analytical standpoint, I like the Pats mostly because I just don't trust Joe Flaccid and the Baltimore Ravens passing attack. Ray Rice is great, and I'm sure he'll give the Patriots issues, but when push comes to shove, it's Flaccid that's going to have to win it or lose it for the Ravens, and in this case, I'd be more inclined to believe he's gonna lose it. He's showed flashes so far in his young career that he's going to be great, he's just not quite there yet. Not to mention he doesn't exactly have a plethora of weapons to throw to...

I look for Brady and the Pats to control the ball, both on the ground and in the air, and do just enough on defense to keep themselves ahead from wire to wire. I know that just sounded a lot like "the Pats are going to win because they're better, and all they need to do is score more points", but what can you do? They're the better team, they're at home, and with or without Welker, they should be able to walk out of Foxboro this Sunday with a victory in hand. Round 2 should be a different story all together, but in terms of the first round, I really like their chances...

Pats 24 Ravens 16...Pink Hats 0...


Cincinnati Bengals (-2.5) vs New York Jets

Another trend that I enjoy following, and have done so to quite a bit of success, is "when everybody is picking the underdog, pick the favorite". And I know the Jets have the #1 rush offense and defense in the NFL, that they just smacked the Bengals in the mouth last week and that a lot of Ocho Cinco's crew is banged up, but I don't care. I dislike the Jets, I like this trend, and I like reading Ocho Cinco's tweets (@OGOchoCinco), so I'm taking the Bengals...

OH, and I hope the rumors that Rex Ryan is going to coach the game topless is a joke. Although having him lose his man boobs due to frostbite could be utterly (ha!) hilarious. And seeing as Nip/Tuck has all but run it's course, I wouldn't even have to sweat his disgusting persona and storyline appearing on an upcoming episode. Yeah, so go ahead, knock yourself out Rexy The Cable Guy. Even though you yourself said your team was eliminated from playoff contention, it's time to go out there and get 'er done!...

Or don't. You fat Ted...Or DO, only so you can then pave the way for the Pats...You fat Ted...


Green Bay Packers (+1.5) @ Arizona Cardinals

I'll say it right now. Should the Patriots fall, my ideal Super Bowl matchup would be the Packers and the Chargers. And unlike the Jets, who beat their playoff foe just a week ago, I like the Pack to continue to roll and move past the Cardinals and into the second round. Not that I don't think the Cards are a dangerous playoff team, and that they won't play much better than last week, I just think the Packers are clicking at the right time and are gonna be tough to stop. A lot like the NFC Champion Cardinals of a year ago...

Should be a good one, but with the bi-polar nature of the Cards, this one also has the best chance of turning into a blowout in favor of the Bear and the Pack. So if you were so inclined to step out on a limb and "lightning" a bet (betting a certain amount of $ on each point a team will or won't cover the spread by), this would be the game to choose...

FEAR THE BEARD...

Philadelphia Eagles (+4.5) @ Dallas Cowboys

Last but not least, we have another rematch from last weekend. And seeing as I took one winner (GB) and one loser (CIN) from the previous week's games, it's only fitting that the showdown between these two enigmatic squads should settle the argument...

Obviously, I'm taking the Eagles, but more to just keep this thing close than to come away with the outright win. I would have been surprised had you told me a few weeks ago that this would have been my take, but its the playoffs, and here we are...

What I'm banking in this one, is history. And since I can't pick both of these notorious choke-squads to do exactly that, I'm going with the team that has the most recent and encouraging resume when it comes to using this game to pull the unnatural trick of grasping defeat from the jaws of victory. To put even a finer point on it, I expect a Roy Williams drop-turned-pick to be the difference, and the reason, that the Eagles walk away with the win, or at least get this thing to within 4 points. That Matt Millen reject, T-Rex lookin bust of a WR, is a play like that waiting to happen...

So while Tony Romo will be part of the "highlight" that doomed the 'Boys season this time around, it'll Reverend Roy's name that Dallas fans will be cursing come Monday morning...

Oh and the smart money is over 1.5 on how many times Donovan McNabb blows Chunky soup all over the field if the game is close in the 4th quarter. And 4 to 1 that DeSean Jackson slips on it and tears his ACL, only to have Marion Barber III dive on the turf and eat that puke up like the ultimate savage that he is...

Tough thing about this one, is that either way, an obnoxious fan base is going to be rewarded. The plus side is, one's going to be devastated, too. So I'll take it...



Still not buying into my prowess? Well, I might not be a world beater, but I closed out the season in impressive fashion last week, and with another winning year in the books, plan on continuing my run through this year's playoffs...


Last Week: 12-8-0 (Top Picks: 6-1-0)

'09-'10 Top Picks: 78-60-6 (.563)

Overall: 155-110-7 (.583)

Lock of the Week: 14-3-0 (.824)



So there you have it, kids. Good luck and God speed...

And be on the lookout next week for news on the Sox, and the debut of the Rooch Nation College Hoops Top 25 for the year 2010 (pronounced twenty-ten, by the way)...

Oh, and for all of you that knew about, and failed to tell me that Tom Sizemore AND estranged gf Heidi Fleiss were both on the new season of Celebrity Rehab? We are no longer friends...

Have a good weekend, friends...

Teddy Williams...
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